Sometimes I wonder…
“Hey, Jo! Wanna go to Burger World to grab a bite?”
Does Heaven exist?
“No, thanks, Trist. You guys go ahead.”
Is there such thing…
“Aww, you’re always going somewhere. We miss you.”
As angels and the Holy Spirit?
“Come on, Yug. You know I have errands to run at home.”
Is there even such thing…
“Alright then. See ya tomorrow, Jo!”
“Why are you so late today, boy?”
He’s slightly less violent than usual. He only threw me against the wall today.
“Where the fucking money for today, huh?!”
I get up from my spot. My shoulder is definitely gonna bruise.
“C’mon, Pa, you should know I just got back from school. I’m going already!”
Going off to feed your sorry ass, that’s what I’m doing everyday.
“Well, hurry up and git, boy! Don’t just stand there moping about!”
Like I need you to tell me twice. I go to my room to change from my school uniform.
“Oh my, is that your son? He’s so big!”
Maggie May is here again. She always seemed to show up a lot at home these days. This is the first time she actually see me in person though, coz I always manage to catch a glimpse of her and stay outta the way when Pa fucks her blind.
But I bet she’s going to be dumped by Pa, just like the rest of them.
“My good-for-nothing wife left him behind and took off with my other kid. Some mom she is!”
That’s coz she doesn’t want you to do the things you do to your whores to Serenity, that’s why. Well, not that I’d say it out loud anyway, if I know what’s good for me.
“He’s actually pretty good-looking, Al. I like him.”
Definitely as much as I hate you, bitch.
I put on my winter coat and wear my shoes.
“You think so? I was planning to make him go work at a gigolo bar as soon as he’s done high school. Lesser mouth to feed around here.”
You weren’t planning. You already have it planned. I’ve got you all figured out.
“Such a cruel father. Oh well, none of my business, anyway.”
Now who’s crueler?
I grab an umbrella, just in case of heavy snow, and walk out of the door and out of the apartment.
Better be out there cold than in that godforsaken place.
I am scanning through all the pictures stuck on the old un-repaired phone booth, looking for today’s wanting clients.
It’s one of our marketing traits of Sin City Club to ask the client to stick their pictures and hotel addresses on this designated phone booth for us to pick and service, and if they didn’t like what they see, but fancy a good fuck anyway, we are obliged to give them a discount.
Sin City Club.
A fitting name for a male escorts and sex boys group.
Guess I beat that old man’s plan to it, huh? He would never have thought I am pretty much into the gigolo business. Well, sort of.
Taggart, Hayden, Richie, Baxter…
I think I’ll take Hayden today. He’s better-looking and nicer.
I know I’m playing favourites, but I can’t say no to a regular that I actually like. Though he most likely would not settle to be my koi or anything. He’s got an overbearing wife and three noisy brats to feed.
His wife’s gotta be freakin’ thick-headed to not know his husband’s true sexual orientation. But I guess that’s what you get when you got society staring people like his kind down.
“Kaiba-sama, your hot coffee.”
Ah, great, there he is again!
Seto Kaiba. Ice King of the Century. What the heck is he doing here hiding behind the wall? He thinks I can’t see him when his stupid limo is just parked opposite the road and that his man servant passes him coffee every now and then from that expensive Starbucks Café right beside him?
Since a few months ago, I see that haughty prince occasionally staring at me at a distance with those ice-cold eyes.
He is always with that expression: eyes of cold blue but yet mixed with a bit of sympathy.
Well, I didn’t ask for his pity.
Yet he still shows up from time to time.
Whenever he bothered to show up in class when he’s not working his ass off in that Kaiba Corp. of his, he would also give me that sort of look, more so when he’s looking up from some random book he reads.
I didn’t like it at first. I mean, you’d get mad after seeing him so many times looking at you like as if you were some sort of freak show to be sorry for.
No matter what I am doing, whether it is going off to work, or just wandering around aimlessly after suffering another beating of the day, or the occasional shoplifting when the old man spent off all my money on booze and girlfriends instead of giving me a decent meal, or even when I’m at the park licking off the blood of my wounds.
He would just stand there and watch, never coming near to me.
He would never report me for shoplifting or pick-pocketing.
He would never approach me at school about my line of work.
He would never come up and ask why my face is sporting another bruise or why my lips are swollen or cut again.
He wouldn’t even have the courtesy to at least jeer or grin at the way I’m always stuffing myself in the school cafeteria while Yug, Trist and Tea look at me eat with gusto in horror.
He just silently watches.
I confronted him once at Domino City when I was on my way to a client, demanding him to tell me what the hell his problem was.
I never got a straight answer out of him.
He just muttered “Dog” at me and let his bodyguard take care of the rest by shooing me away.
At that moment, I really felt like a dog.
But then, in the end, since he never really did me any harm whatsoever, I thought it wouldn’t kill me to just let him look at me.
After all, what have I got to lose?
He could be a stalker or a pervert or a serial killer for all I care.
At this point, I couldn’t be bothered.
As long as he doesn’t meddle with my life and mind his own business, I guess nothing matters anymore.
Not even him.
No one really cares about my problems anyway.
Everyone thinks I’m a juvenile delinquent and bound to be a high school dropout. I bet even my friends Yug, Trist and Tea think so.
They never really bothered about me and my life, never really truly involve themselves to me.
I doubt that Kaiba Ice King would.
Nothing really is worth the fuck anymore…
“What the fuck?! You only got this much?!”
I brace myself for another beating. The money I earn is never enough for him anyway.
The old man grabs my collar and slams me against the bookshelf.
“Are you really working out there, huh?! Don’t let me catch you stashing up some sort of secret savings somewhere!”
He tugs so hard, the first few buttons of my shirt come off, exposing my already bruised and battered chest.
Fuck you, old man.
Like I’m gonna tell you that I secretly have an account in some unknown bank where I would keep about a third of my daily earnings and have hidden my bank book in my school locker.
I gotta at least be a decent student and pay up whatever I owe the school now, don’t I?
Besides, I gotta eat sometimes.
The old man is looking at me a little weird. His face looks a bit flushed, but I can tell through experience that the half-empty bottle is not enough to make the old man entirely drunk. He’d need to down at least six bottles before he’s completely knocked out.
But that doesn’t matter.
He’s still gonna beat the crap outta me anyway, just like every other day.
“You’re almost Sweet 16, aren’t you, boy?”
He’s taking a sip from his beer glass while asking me that.
“So what if I am?”
I’m having a bad feeling about his question.
“Take off your clothes.”
“I said take off your clothes, boy! Don’t dilly-dally!”
He pulls off my jacket and literally tears off my shirt. I could almost hear the sound of threads breaking apart one by one as he forces the poor fabric into two.
“What the…Stop it, Pa! What are you doing?!”
I struggle, trying to stop him from taking off my jeans.
“Don’t talk back to me, boy! Do as I say!”
I know I’m fighting a losing battle as soon as the old man jerks off my jeans and starts tearing my undies.
But that I doesn’t mean I won’t go down without a fight.
I scream and struggle, trying to push him away, trying to keep my legs closed and his fucking dick away from my face.
“Stay still, boy!”
He grabs a fistful of my hair and rams me down to the ground.
I hear his fly opening.
“Wh…What are you doing, Pa?! No, stop…ah!!!”
I can feel his dick ripping me apart. He’s slamming me like a freaking freight train.
“Mmh…you’re tight, boy…Guess males do have its goods…”
God…how could he do this to me…?
He puts his hand over my mouth to stop my screams from being heard and fucks me even deeper.
Something warm is trickling down my thighs.
I think I’m bleeding.
He’s worse than some of my most aggressive clients.
He’s my old man, for god’s sake! How could he do this?!
Oh, God, make him stop…He’s hurting me…
Why did you leave me with him…?
Can’t you see what he’s doing to me…?
Why didn’t you come back to take me with you…?
It’s not fair…
He pulls me up to my knees and holds my arms back as he hit the spot that makes me involuntarily see white stars.
My body is betraying my mind as it reacts to the assault on my sweet spot, my cock dripping wet with precum.
Guess this is going to be another addition to the pain he always inflict on me.
This pain…is pretty much no different than being beaten and kicked to a pulp.
No matter how I resist, I cannot escape him anyway.
He’s all I’ve got since Ma and Serenity left.
I’ll just have to endure until the storm is over…
Like I usually do…
I open my eyes slowly.
What time is it…?
God, the old man is fucking heavy even with his arm alone.
Good, he’s snoring.
That means he won’t wake up until the cows come home.
I push his arm away and crawl out of bed.
Didn’t think he had the courtesy to carry on the sex all the way to the bedroom, since he didn’t even have the courtesy to use a condom or at least some lube.
Shit, my ass hurts.
I walk to the bathroom to get rid of all the blood caked around my hole.
Warm water definitely does wonders to a sore body.
I wash myself from head to toe, trying to get rid of all that booze and sex smell off me.
Could my life get any worse than this?
I dry myself and simply put on a long-sleeve T-shirt and pants.
I don’t bother to wear my shoes.
A little cold would do good for my headache.
I stagger all the way to the park where I usually hang out to ride off the pain of the old man’s abuse.
I totally got no strength left, seeing that after servicing Hayden, I only had a box of crackers to eat for dinner.
I fall to my knees, my hand holding onto the park gate for support.
What’s this familiar feeling?
I turn around and see no one.
But I can feel his presence somehow.
I wonder if I approach him again this time, would he react differently than just calling me “Dog” and have the bodyguard shoo me away again.
Or would his ice-blue eyes continue to close the distance between us?
Worth a try…
I reach the spot where I thought I felt him.
Not a single soul.
Guess it was my imagination…
I bend down to pick it up.
It is a cigarette-lighter.
From the weight of it, I can tell it’s made of white gold.
It has the symbol of Kaiba Corp. on it, with the familiar Blue-Eyed White Dragon logo embossed on it.
Just as blue as his eyes…
I wonder how much I would make if I pawn this.
Probably enough to at least get to eat that Chinese restaurant I always pass by?
Or that Italian café just across the street?
My legs begin to fail me as I resort to crawling to a nearby secluded wall.
The lighter sparkle and shine under the street light.
I’m sure that Kaiba Ice King wouldn’t mind if I light it a little. It’s just so fucking cold right now.
I open the cover and flick it to light it.
A nice yellowish-blue light came out of it.
Good, it feels so warm…
As warm as his arms around me…
Wait a minute. Arms?
I open my eyes to find myself in someone’s embrace.
I look up and see that Kaiba bastard looking back at me with those blue-as-ice eyes.
What…What the hell…?
What’s going on?
He runs his fingers through my hair, never breaking his gaze away from me.
Is this a dream?
But this feeling…I…
The feeling of the hard cold brick wall broke my thoughts.
What the heck…?
I should’ve known.
It was just a dream.
A stupid dream.
I must’ve fallen asleep for a moment there.
The cold winter wind and the beginning of falling snow brought me back to reality.
Damn, it was so warm before…
I thought I didn’t want anything anymore.
I thought I couldn’t feel anything anymore.
I see the lighter still right beside me.
I can’t resist.
I pick it up and light it again.
That sort of warmth…might actually make someone…wanting for more…
Ah, it’s Kaiba again…
What a minute, what’s he doing?
God, he’s kissing me!
He’s fucking kissing me!
I’m sitting on his lap and his tongue is freaking exploring every crevice of my mouth inside!
What the hell is going on?!
What is he doing?
Why is he doing this?
All my shirt buttons have been undone. He is beginning to feel me up. His hand is rubbing against my crotch, making it as hard as a rock.
“No! No, stop!”
I push him away, but he holds on tighter and kisses me deeper.
No! I don’t like this dream!
Then why am I reacting so passionately towards his touches and his kisses?
I don’t want this!
I didn’t just escape from a rape scene to enter another!
I don’t want this!
I don’t understand!
He’s taken off all my clothes. He’s reaching down to fully wrap his hand around my dick.
He’s feeling me up really bad…
I don’t get it!
I wish this to stop!
I don’t want to be played like a whore!
But…I don’t want to leave either…!
My eyes shoot open.
Snow has begun to pile up on and around me.
So cold…So fucking cold…
What the heck is going on…?
My body is rigidly cold, but at the same time it’s so hot and turned on…
Maybe I shouldn’t wake up.
Maybe I should just forget about the lighter, close my eyes and don’t move.
If I don’t touch the lighter and just fall asleep, then I won’t have to dream again…
Just lie there waiting for Heaven…
But my body won’t listen to me.
My hand is moving on its own.
I reach for the lighter and light it again…
I’m back again to that dream…
We’re on some sort of silk mattress.
He has his mouth engulfed around my cock, sucking and licking slowly.
Bobbing in and out as he blow me gently.
I try to stifle my moans.
I bit my finger, holding back my whines and moans of pleasure as he continue to blow me.
I’m actually enjoying it.
He’s got such a skilled mouth.
No one has ever blown me before. I’m always the one doing the job.
I gotta stop this.
I gotta stop this before I lose myself in it.
“N…No! L-Let go of me…! Mmh! I don’t want this…! Aah…!”
He’s not listening to me. He continues to move lower until his tongue is wriggling around my ass.
“Wait…! W-Wai…Stop! No…!”
He’s tongue-fucking me now.
Oh, god, it feels…so good…
I shouldn’t be feeling this way!
None of this is real! It’s just a dream!
His face is in front of me now, watching me silently and smiling as he wrapped his arms around me.
Such a gentle smile.
Not jeering, not teasing, not judging.
If only he smiles like that in real life.
Maybe I wouldn’t have been so ignorant towards him…
He leans down and licks my nipple.
I can feel it swirling round and round, teasing me, turning my nipples into two rock-hard stubs.
His fingers reach down to my opening and enter one finger at a time, stretching me.
Even Hayden never bothered to help me prepare. I had to do all the work.
Two fingers are in now, scissoring and thrusting in and out as he tries to stretch me and help me adjust.
I want to find a way out of this, but I can’t cool down long enough to think.
He’s assaulting all my sensitive spots, tingling my senses and making me drown in a sea of passion.
His strong arms around me, his talented fingers working on me, filling me up with emotions that I have long forgotten…
His third finger enters, brushing against that spot that make me see stars.
He teases it again and again, only lightly letting the tip of his fingers brushing it, never really touching it…
I’m going crazy…
I feel like I’m going to cum….
I thought everything was alright…
I thought I didn’t need or want to care…
He gives me that gentle smile as he removes his fingers and lifts my legs higher. Slowly and steadily, he thrusts into me.
It feels so good…
I reach up and wrap my arms around him, bringing him close to my face.
He plants butterfly kisses on my salty cheeks and my sweaty forehead as he moves in that steady rhythm, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.
I want him so much…
I truly do…
For so long…
I want to be close to him…
I want to be so close to him that our distance no longer exists…
I want to know…
Why does he always look at me with those eyes…
That bloody cold…
Taking me away from my warmth…
God, how could You be so cruel?
Why won’t You just let me sleep?
I’ve had enough.
I reach over again for the lighter and lit it.
I hold the flame close to me, not wanting it to go out.
I can feel it burning brighter and brighter, lighting up everything around me…
This time…I don’t want to wake up…
“Where is it? I thought I dropped it here somewhere.”
“Kaiba-sama, please. You’re going to be late for the corporate meeting.”
“I’m not leaving without the Christmas present Mokuba gave me! Now help me find it, Roland!”
“Now where the fuck is it…”
I hear voices. Voices from far away.
“Huh? Joey…? Joey!!!”
Whose voice is that?
“Roland, call the ambulance!”
I hear footsteps.
“Y-Yes, sir…Hello? Emergency? I’d like to report…”
Whose footsteps are those?
“Hang in there, Joey! Hang in there!”
I feel something hot being tugged away from my body, exposing my body to the cold snow.
I feel another different kind of warmth around me.
I feel arms around me.
Is that you…?
“Roland! Make a call to Mokuba! Ask him to go to that lawyer and that social service official and get that report book! Now!”
He sound like he’s scolding someone, but at the same time, it sounds so comforting to me…
“I will not allow that son of a bitch father of his have any more excuses!”
Why am I feeling this way…?
“I’m going to see to it that he’s locked away for good!”
Am I…still alive…?
“What are you talking about, dog?! Of course you’re alive!”
Is he hearing my thoughts or something?
Or did I think out loud…?
I don’t know…
I don’t care right now…
I feel arms around me, holding me tight against a strong thumping sound.
Is that a heartbeat?
“I’ve been watching you, Joey! Always!”
I knew that…
“Ever since I saw you come out of that hotel with that man…”
Does he mean Jackson…?
The guy that I’m with…when I first noticed he was watching me…?
“Ever since I saw you run out that apartment with a bleeding lip and from the hospital with a broken wrist…I’ve been watching you since then…!”
“Kaiba-sama, Mokuba-sama just called. He said he’s got everything and will wait for you at the hospital.”
“Ever since I started investigating your case, no matter day or night, rain or shine, weekends, holidays, midnights…I watched your every move!”
I feel so sleepy now…
Is he telling me a bedtime story…?
“This time I’m really going to take you as far away from him as possible! You won’t have to suffer anymore! You will live with me and Mokuba as a real family! I’ll make sure of it! So please…Please, Joey…Hang in there for me…!!!”
In Heaven now…?