You're listening to Jake Peralta telling you you're making a mistake and you have no idea what that means, except, oh my God, Jake Peralta knows more than you about something, anything, and this is a problem. Jake Peralta can't know more than you if you're going to make captain someday. Because you're a better detective than Peralta, you know how to play the game, and you are going to be meticulous, and punctual, and besides, you have to be twice as good as him for everyone to think you're his equal and you can do this, Amy Santiago, even without your mom going to church and saying novenas for you every Sunday. Because you made her stop. Because God knew you could do it without the novenas, and so should your mom.
It occurs to you that you haven't gone to confession in about six months, and that's probably why you've been feeling this weird, icky, creeping guilt, but you put it aside, because you're pretty sure God cares more about you catching criminals and less about the fact that you're a secret lesbian who has every single episode of Glee on DVD and who, when you're not working on police reports or advancing your career toward your future captaincy in other ways, are writing Once Upon a Time fanfic and desperately refreshing your webpage looking for more feedback on your Mulan/Aurora police precinct AU. It is the most well-researched, meticulously documented ongoing series in the entire fandom and you deserve recognition of the thoughtfulness of your medical details in the latest story, where Aurora is in a coma - because she's Sleeping Beauty, obviously - and Mulan is driven by secret love to take down Maleficent the drug dealer, get the antidote to bring Aurora out of her coma and then they go and take down Maleficent's boss together.
Police reports first, though. Sublimated lesbian fanfic later. Especially because being a secret lesbian is getting a little difficult to maintain as a secret, though, the more time you spend with Rosa and staring at her hair, because how does she get it to look like that? Because you want to start tangling your fingers in it and kissing her. Like, all the time. Because you really want to take her back to your apartment and strip her naked and maybe cover her entire body with kisses and oh God, you're at work and you're flushed and--
Police reports. You have police reports to file, and you are going to focus on them.
Even though Gina is started giving you speculative looks and has wandered over with her coffee while making comments about U-Hauls, which is an unfair stereotype that doesn't even fit you, because you would never marry someone without carefully determining their fitness to be the wife of the youngest lesbian captain in the NYPD.
Oh, God, you think you have to come out of the closet. Except you want to make captain. Except Captain Holt made captain and he's gay. So maybe it won't be that bad. Then you look over at Jake Peralta and you listen to what he's saying, which is that you should wear that corset from the undercover sting operation at the gay bar to work. Which you would never, ever think of doing, because it would be thoroughly unprofessional. So he doesn't know more than you do about anything, and you sigh a little in relief.
That's when Rosa stalks over, her arms crossed and a smirk on her face and with her hair in those curls that you could never get your hair to do and you kind of hate her for that, except you really don't. You stare at her, Gina smirks and wanders away, and Peralta laughs.
"Keep talking, Peralta," says Rosa, without taking her eyes of you, "and I'll beat you up."
Which is when Peralta takes off at a run and says he has a potty emergency, and you will never understand him, not ever.
You stare at Rosa and are reminded of a knight in shining armor, though not really, because Rosa wouldn't need armor and you don't need a knight. You just think that maybe you'll bring her something nice from the bakery tomorrow instead. Or strong coffee. She likes that.
"He's right, you know," says Rosa, and her eyes are still on you and you think that maybe this is what 'undressing you with her eyes' is and, since this isn't a sleazy perp, you really like it. "You looked hot in it. We should go to dinner. You should wear it."
"Um, okay," you stutter out, and you think you might be blushing, and somehow you're going to have to find a way to come out of the closet and make captain and thank God you have Captain Holt, maybe he has some advice on being a lesbian and a police officer. Or maybe not on being a lesbian, but he'll know what you mean once you figure out what you mean. Or maybe you have to get your tongue untied first.
Which leads you to thinking about kissing Rosa and that leads you to blushing harder, especially after Gina raises her coffee mug in a salute to you, mouths 'victory dance,' and starts twirling around the office floor. Oh God oh God oh God.
"Seven o'clock tonight," Rosa tells you, and her mouth turns up in that half-smile, half-smirk and something inside you melts just a little bit. Or a lot. Definitely a lot. "Save room for dessert."
Then she turns around and walks away, and your eyes are glued to her ass, at least until she sits down and then you remember to breathe, and you think that your report is ninety-nine percent done, so maybe you can finish it up and clock out early. You have to call your mom. You're pretty sure the novenas were also so that you could find someone and you're kind of suspicious now about how she never said 'a nice boy.' So maybe coming out won't be so bad.
Peralta comes out of the bathroom when you're shutting down your computer. "You're all smiley all of a sudden, Santiago. What's up?" You smile even harder, and even Rosa is smiling, and Gina gives you a thumbs up.
You're going on a date with Rosa Diaz, Peralta knows less than you do, and you're still going to make captain. You're having a pretty good day. Even if Gina does high-five you on the way out and Captain Holt sees it and you start blushing again.