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Beyond Fantastic

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Stretch your mind beyond fantastic
Dreams are made of strong elastic
Take some sound advice and don’t forget it:
Anything can happen if you let it





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”
The girl in the purple dress giggled into her handkerchief. She flitted into the neighbouring painting, and began to whisper something to a Duke with a pet ostrich.





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”
“I know,” answered the girl, almost before Luna had finished speaking. “Luna Lovegood. Professor McGonagall called your name during the Sorting, and I have an excellent memory.”
“I’m Cho,” said a second girl. “We’ve all already chosen our beds, that one over there is yours.”
“You want to be careful sleeping next to windows,” Luna warned. “Rooms with three windows are rather vulnerable to Feeble Scrumptillies. I suppose we’re a bit far north to be in much danger, but it’s better to be safe.”

Luna sank to her knees, opening her trunk with a loud creak. “Would you like me to put some mint leaves on the windowsills?” she asked eagerly. “I have some right here.”

When she looked up, three pairs of eyes stared blankly back at her.





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”
“Gilderoy Lockhart, at your service,” he beamed. “But you knew that, of course. I wouldn’t dare insult a Ravenclaw’s intelligence, young Lucy! I was one myself, in fact. Ah yes, a thirst for knowledge that simply cannot be quenched, that is both our blessing and our curse. And our burden, yes indeed! Our services to the wizarding world are irreplaceable, it’s quite a high calling to be among Rowena’s Eagles! I expect you’ll be after some autographed pictures. I must say, I thought it would be wise to anticipate that my house fellows would have a keen interest in my work. Luckily I happen to have a few left on me! Ah, yes, here we are. There you go! Now, you want to be careful with that! Don’t go using a permanent sticking charm to get it on your wall, Mr. Filch will be after my blood. Thumb tacks, dear! A muggle invention, but very useful, very useful indeed.” He winked conspirationally at her before bouncing off down the corridor.

Luna turned away and wandered towards Potions, feeling mildly bewildered.





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”

Sobs reverberated off the bathroom walls. “Of course, you don’t ask about my name,” the ghost sulked. “No-one cares about me, not even stupid little first years!”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say,” mused Luna. “I would like to know your name, though. What is it?”
“Well, why should I have anything nice to say? No-one ever says anything nice to me!” She glared angrily at Luna. “And my name is Myrtle. Not that you really care!”

With one last heaving sob, Myrtle dove head first into the toilet. The resulting tsunami drenched Luna from head to toe, and she had to squelch back up to the dormitory to change her clothes before dinner.





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”

The Devil’s Snare gave a sinister shudder.

Marietta sighed. “Does anyone want to switch partners?”





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”

The spotted owl on her arm gave a quick, businesslike hoot before extending its leg.

“Do you like being an owl? Have you ever thought about being a something else? A wrackspurt maybe, or a fizz bang?”

The owl blinked.

“Perhaps you really are a fizz bang. They’re very clever at disguising themselves as other creatures, so long as they don’t keep one form for too long. Do you know what happens if they do?”

Evidently, the owl didn’t know.

“They explode,” she whispered. “It’s a rather dreadful thing to happen. In fact, I’d better give you this letter quickly, just in case you are a fizz bang and you need to change form soon. It’s always better to be safe. Can you please take it to Daddy for me?”

The owl hooted its assent, and she carefully tied her extra-long letter to its leg with an elaborate bow. It soared out the roof of the owlery, and she couldn’t help but feel very sad as she watched it fly off without her.





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”
The prefect glanced up from her Arithmancy homework. Luna had known her name once, but she couldn’t quite seem to remember it now. Something beginning with a P, or maybe a Q. Or an E.
“What is it?”
Perhaps it was an H.
“Is anyone allowed to put a notice up?”
The prefect shrugged. “As long as it’s not some silly joke notice.”
“Oh, it isn’t,” said Luna, very serene. “Some of my things have gone missing. I’ve made a notice about it. Perhaps someone has seen them.”
The prefect rolled her eyes. “You can put it up, but I wouldn’t count on hearing from anyone.”
“Alright.” Luna began meandering towards the Ravenclaw noticeboard, somehow managing to avoid tripping over her untied shoelaces. “Thank you.”





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”

The Ravenclaw ghost was tall and willowy. She floated past, continuing to stare straight ahead.

Luna couldn’t be sure if she actually didn’t hear her, or if she was just pretending.





“Hello,” she said. “My name is Luna.”
The girl gave a small smile. “I know. I’m Ginny.”
“May I please sit next to you?”
Ginny hesitated before nodding. Even so, Luna wasted no time in clambering up onto the high stool next to Ginny’s.
“Would you like to borrow my quill?” she offered with a dreamy smile. “Daddy just sent it to me, it arrived in this morning’s owl post. It’s a tail feather from a Welsh Pennelotta.”
The corner of Ginny’s mouth twitched. “A what?”
“A Welsh Pennelotta. They’re supposed to be very elusive. They’re invisible most of the time, but you can see them during a solar eclipse.”
“Oh,” Ginny shifts nervously in her seat. “I… didn’t know that.”
“Most people don’t,” replied Luna, gazing into the corner of the dungeon. “They also like soft cheeses. You know, brie and camembert, that sort of thing. That’s how you can tell they’re around while they’re invisible. Little bits of your cheese keep getting pecked away.”
Ginny nodded slowly, apparently at a complete loss for words.
“Are you alright?” asked Luna. “You don’t seem very happy.”
“Oh. Well.” Ginny fiddled with her own quill, a battered eagle feather than looked like it had seen better days. “I’m alright. I just haven’t been sleeping very well.”
Luna bit her bottom lip, eyes opening even wider than usual. “How many windows are in your dormitory? There aren’t three, are there?”
Ginny looked rather taken aback. “Er, no. No, there are two.”
“Oh,” said Luna, relieved. “Well, would you like some mint leaves for your windowsills anyway? You don’t need to worry about Feeble Scrumptillies, but it’s still a good idea. It smells quite nice.”
Ginny blinked, and pushed her fringe out of her eyes.
“Alright,” she agreed. “That would be good. Thank you.”
Luna smiled. “You’re welcome.”