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The Short-Legged Vixen

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Hi, lord Martiya here. I’m sure you all wondered: what if Lila’s lies caught up to her in a different way? Because, seriously, the question was not if but when and how. So, here’s my take. Almost pitying the girl… Almost.

by lord Martiya


01: What Friendship?


Ladybug was jumping from roof to roof, even without Akuma attacks. She had gone down with a hard cold, missing the last few days at school and even that very one (her parents had been really worried) , and now just needed having some movement.

As she jumped she noticed a girl in the park throwing an expensive-looking book in the thrash before leaving. Curious, she came down and recovered the book, with Tikki giving her the feeling she HAD to keep it. So, she took it home.

Ladybug had not seen it coming. A book with informations on all Miraculous Holders of the past... And the girl just threw it away. Deciding to have a word with her, Ladybug came back to the park to start her search from there. She was lucky, as the girl had came back-and was talking with Adrien. Biting down her feelings of jealousy, Ladybug came down to say hello to her crush and find out something to help her track down the mystery girl later.

"Ladybug! Hello!" Adrien saluted. "Lila was just telling me about your friendship!"

So, she was named Lila. Wait, friendship? Puzzled, Ladybug looked at the girl, who was now wearing a rather terrified expression, and said: "What friendship? I don't know her."

"Really? But the interview on the Ladyblog-"

Adrien stopped talking right at the same moment realization hit Ladybug: this "Lila" was passing herself as Ladybug's friend for some reason. And by the look on his face, Adrien had realized that too, right at the same time the liar had realized she was screwed and started running.

"One would think Alya would check her sources before publishing certain things..." Ladybug commented.


As she stopped running to catch her breath, Lila wondered why in the world she had lied about Ladybug. What had possessed her? It was easy to explain away the one with Prince Ali as him forgetting it due the schedule fanatic pushing him around too much, not that she’d need it given he was back in his home country, and the song with Jagged Stone hadn’t even been a lie, just sarcasm the mayor’s daughter somehow took at face value (as all the presents could attest), but this one… She should have thought it was far too likely to stumble on the local superhero when she studied in the place with the largest concentration of Akuma attacks, but no, she had gone with it…

“And I can’t even blame her.” she said to herself. “Need to salvage this one somehow… Maybe if I tell Ladybug why I did it, she and Adrien won’t spill the beans…”


Lila recognized the voice. It was the blogger, Alya Cesare or something. Oh no. No. Please, let it be she has a crush for Adrien too…

“I have Ladybug on the phone, and she suggested me to check the sources. Care to explain?”

Porca vacca, no…

Chapter Text

Here’s the fall-out. Because I decided to pity poor Lila… But I’m not at point yet.

by lord Martiya


0 2: Reputations


It had to be the two worse days in her life, Lila thought. Finally the Foreign Ministry had settled her parents down, at least for a while, and, trying to finally get some friends for once before they were moved somewhere else, she had passed herself as a friend of some celebrities... And she had been exposed in the most embarrassing manner one could have imagined, and before one of the few decent boys she had ever met.

And as the universe apparently hated her, Ladybug was a friend, or at least a friendly acquaintance, with the owner of the Ladyblog, enough to inform her, and as people had heard Cesare demand an explanation she was the school's pariah! A liar, no matter what. As she forced herself to ignore the jeers and hid in the bathroom she looked at her new necklace, the one she bought because it looked like a Miraculous, she distractely noticed a flutter of purple-and then she felt the voice.

"Volpina! I am Papillon and I'm gifting you the power of illusion."

"Go away, I was already embarrassed enough." she said.


"Ascoltami bene, sottospecie di cravatta maligna! Sono già nella merda per conto mio, e non ho voglia di farmi linciare per colpa tua! LASCIAMI SOLA!"

"Nope! Not going through that again! Nope!"

Lila saw the corrupted butterfly fly out of her necklace-and realized she had done it. She had something to be admired for herself! She was the first to resist Akumatization! And a known glory-seeking liar. Nobody would ever believe her.

Lila screamed in rage. Then the bathroom’s door opened, and Ladybug and Chat Noir barged in. Ladybug and Chat Noir.

“No Akuma?” Ladybug said, puzzled. “Chat, where are you going?”

“Away from the girls’ bathroom?” Chat Noir said.

“Oh. OK. Oh, Lila, sorry about the situation, I mean, I didn’t think it-”

“Two seconds.” Lila said. “You couldn’t come in just two seconds earlier, couldn’t you?”

Ladybug was about to ask what she meant-then she saw Lila’s somewhat crazy look, and decided discretion was the better part of valor.

Chapter Text

As of the last chapter, I’ve tormented Lila enough to feel pity. So…

by lord Martiya


0 3: Lila’s Akuma


A week. That was how long had passed since Lila had met Ladybug, and she’d been mocked, insulted and generally persecuted for it. She could have understood had it been from Cesayre (or whatever), Borghese, or Lavillant-in fact Lila had to admit, to herself at least, she had felt guilty about the last one since the start-but they were proving themselves the better persons compared to her own classmates by just ignoring her. Well, she was having consequences about Lavillant, but those came from her apparent best friend, and she had done nothing but give her a hard glare once.

Instead she was getting trouble by pretty much everyone else in the school. She could say anything, and they’d insult her and call her a liar. She had a bit of fun during a math test by giving a classmate the right solutions to a few problems and seeing him automatically discard them, but it was nowhere near enough to counter the bullshit.

“Lilà?” someone called her. And mispronounced her name, but that was just the difference of accents between French and Italian, not the oh-so-clever-for-a-five-years-old use of the English pronunciation that made it sound “Liela”.

She turned, and saw the class’ aspiring Casanova. Who asked her out while practically undressing her with his eyes. With Lila already knowing the reasons for his timing after overhearing him. All in all, he was lucky Lila had years of practice at holding back her terrifying temper.

“And I suppose it’s just a coincidence you’re asking out one of the school’s most beautiful girls only after she’s been put down for a week?” she asked back.

“What? No, I just-”

“And Ladybug has a split personality, that is actually PAPILLON! And their secret identity is Gabriel Agreste!” Lila made a mental note to apologize to Adrien when she saw him pass by, his face green, the mouth covered and the feet leading him to the nearest bathroom quickly, while also continuing her rant: “I have good ears, child, you’re asking me out just because you’re shallow enough to value beauty over personality and thought a girl who’s been treated like merda for a week would just be too grateful to resist your non-existent charm and would give it to you! Well, news flash: I have a dignity to defend. So go home, your girlfriend beyond the wrist wants some alone time!”

Seeing the wannabe leave in tears, Lila found some satisfaction. Not much, but taking a pervert down a few pegs had been nice. Even if he had friends who were taking offense for the put down. As she tuned them out, Lila wondered if she should start yawning or just leave them mid-rant, when she heard a rather familiar voice. No, wait, it’s not Ladybug, just Dupain, the girl who kinda looks like her.

“Cut it out!” she said. “She’s been tormented enough she should have been Akumatized a week ago, and she didn’t do anything to you!”

One of them opened his mouth to protest when Borghese, who she was pretty sure hated Dupain’s guts, cut in-agreeing with her rival.

“I agree with Marinette, as incredible as it sounds.” she said. “And with the looks that idiot was giving her, Lìla” did she just pronounce Lila’s name right?! “would have been justified punching him out, or getting Akumatized on the spot. Speaking of which, Marinette, isn’t Ladybug your friend, somehow? I think we may need her intervention in a few minutes.”

Lila facepalmed as she realized she had screwed up again. Good thing Ladybug was most certainly around… Then she heard a powerful “oink!” and some battle noises from the nearest bathroom. That was fast… Faster than they had been a week ago. Goddammit!



Marinette had ran and turned into Ladybug just as she heard the “oink”, and arrived at Lila’s side to defend her. Then Chat Noir arrived, his face a bit green, dragging a shocked and tied-up pig man from his foot.

“That was fast.” Ladybug admitted.

“I was in the bathroom when he transformed.” Chat admitted. “Some bad imagery from that speech… Anyway, his Akuma should be in the cellphone. May I make the honors, my lady?”

“Huff… Fine, Chat.”

Chat destroyed the phone, and Ladybug easily caught and purified the Akuma-just as one of the pervert’s friend said it was Lila’s fault.

“And?” Ladybug asked. “I’ve been following Lila for a week expecting her to be Akumatized, between what’s been happening and how this pig was looking at her I’m surprised she didn’t kick him in the crotch.”

“I’m more versed in punching.” Lila quipped as she rubbed her right fist.

“Well, yes, anyway, this boy was asking for it, and-”

Then Chat Noir hissed. Ladybug turned and saw he was holding the regenerated cell phone… That had been showing a picture of Lila making use of the bathroom. And Lila had been seeing it too, and was making a herculean effort to not attack him.

“Anyway, you cut it out and leave her alone.” Ladybug coldly said as she took the phone. “And this, I’m confiscating.”

With that she left and went directly to principal Damocles, showing the phone and telling him who it belonged to. Needless to say, he was not amused… And gave Lila a literal slap on the wrist when he arrived and caught her punching the pervert’s face.



“Of all the things that could have happened…” Lila said to herself once she was back at her room in the embassy. “I just hope it’ll be the end of it.”

Why was she lying to herself? She wasn’t hoping it would be the end of it, she wanted revenge! Not on Ladybug, she’d been surprisingly helpful for a liar-hater with a temper that, from what Borghese (note to self: learn how she’s actually called) said, was as bad as Lila’s own who had caught her in a lie about herself, but on the other students. That picture had crossed the line. Truly crossed the line. But she couldn’t go out and punch them all, she got lucky this day the principal considered her justified in the outburst, and that Dupain, who she was finding herself liking, would have been disappointed.

Why Lila did even care for a stranger’s feelings? And why did that mention about her being friends with Ladybug sounded important?

That didn’t matter. What mattered was that Lila had been calling herself Volpina in her mind for a reason-and Adrien’s book just gave her an idea. She was laughing when she went to her still partially packed luggage and took out the dizi. Just wait she was back at it and procured the t-shirt…