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The Bunker Life of Jack Kline

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Of course, Jack Kline had the misfortune of being the son of the most infamous being in all of creation. Most called him by some variation of Satan, Devil, or Lucifer but for Jack, he was just plain old dad. There was nothing fun about being half archangel. Sure, the powers were cool and could be useful at times but having aunts and uncles he never met before trying to kill him? Just another Sunday.


Castiel, his sworn guardian and protector, was able to defend him from most of his attackers but even he had to look for assistance when Michael broke free from the Cage and decided that as an unholy abomination he had to be exterminated. For being the supposed viceroy of Heaven, Michael acted more like a dalek than a celestial being.


(To everyone’s surprise, Lucifer was quite attuned with human pop culture and sat Jack down one evening for some classic father-son bonding time by watching Doctor Who. The whole experience was strange, for an array of reasons, but Jack eventually grew accustomed to his father’s quirks.)


That was one of the few times that Castiel welcomed help from his father, which had ended up earning his father supervised visits when he had tried to negotiate for full custody. However, those meetings were not nearly as awkward as when Jack was sandwiched between Sam Winchester and his father. He was well aware of the history between them, that Sam was his father’s true vessel.


He remembered sitting through a parent-teacher conference in high school. Yes, even as a half human, half archangel being, Jack went to school per Castiel and the Winchesters’ insistence that he be given a normal life, well as normal as possible, citing that this is what his mother would have wished for him. Not that his father gave a damn about his mother but he was greatly outnumbered. Castiel had been busy on a hunt with Dean so Sam went in his place and of course his father insisted on tagging along, despite how he made comments about how poor the human education system was and that he should have been homeschooled by Lucifer.


Honestly, he could not blame Mr. Stevens for forming the assumption that Lucifer and Sam were partners, as in romantically engaged with each other, and Jack was their adopted son as he had commented at how well adjusted he was despite coming from a non-traditional family. Lucifer managed to keep a straight face at the insinuation that they were a couple but Sam sputtered out that they were not and claimed that he was his uncle.


“Shall I call you Mommy, then?” Jack had teased Sam later.


“Well, you are never too old for me to bend you over my knee and spank you.” Sam threatened but Jack knew that it was a hollow one as Sam would never lay a hand on him in aggression. As for Dean...well, their introduction was him shooting at first sight. Not exactly the best terms to start with but Jack did not hold a grudge against him.


“You are all bark and no bite.” Lucifer responded knowingly with a grin.


“Do you want a spanking too?” Sam raised an eyebrow at him.


“Oh, kinky.” The archangel leered and he nearly gagged. He did not need to know about his father’s sexual proclivities, despite the fact that he was mostly monkish in that regard. The circumstances that had led to Jack’s birth were one in a billion.


“Oh Gramps….” Jack rolled his eyes dramatically. One day he would learn how to master Sam’s famed bitchface.