Lapis would be lying if she said she didn’t envy Peridot. Sure, the gem was small. And brash. And annoying. But she was happy. Lapis watched as the Crystal Gems came and went, hopeful, purposeful, and her interrogator, the one bound to the same sort of life she herself used to know until only a month ago, amongst them. Ready to forgive. Ready to learn. She had made mistakes, but she knew how to fix them.
She was ready to move on.
Lapis would be lying if she said she was okay. Smiles for Steven, cordial indifference for the rest of the Crystal Gems, but always deserts and confusion behind the worn wood paneling of the barn walls. Peridot was concerned, she could tell, but why did she have to try so fucking hard? It would be so much easier if Lapis could just stay mad at her.
You’ve changed me
Malachite. She could never escape. Every time she let her guard down, something, someone would remind her of what she’d done. She’d destroyed Jasper. Ruined her. Ruined herself. She hated it, she loved it. They didn’t know, none of them comprehended what she’d done, who she’d been -
I’m the only one who can handle your kind of power.
Peridot knew. Steven must have told her. Lapis could tell. The second season of Camp Pining Hearts was humming gently in the background. Her hesitation, her gentle words. The way she sat atop the silo underneath the cold wind and clear night sky - close enough and far enough at the same time. She was so good.
And, well Lapis would be lying if she said -
Peridot had asked her why she was afraid. In the middle of the ocean, she was the most powerful being alive. How could she explain? How could she describe that dread, the way it drained every ounce of power from her body. The way water turned into chains.
I- I can’t -
Ok. You don’t have to.
And so they sat.