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I Won't Let You Be Denied

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Sansa sighed as she entered the flat, still unused to the quiet. She had been the one to end it with Harry but the loneliness was already creeping up on her, making her want to call him despite the rational part of her telling her not to bother, that he wouldn’t change and settling for him would be worse than being single for the rest of her life.

Screw the human mind and heart for being so damn complicated!

She kept telling herself he wasn’t worth the time. He had been charming and sweet at first but as time wore on, she had started to feel inadequate and self-conscious about herself and sex. She hadn’t felt comfortable exploring anything new in the bedroom and Harry trying to pressure her just made it worse. She would tense or she would be too unsure of how to move and Harry always got irritated.

She had thought he had loved her once but now, now she wondered if he ever had or whether she was a prize on his arm, another notch on his bedpost.

It was bad enough feeling like she had wasted her time, given him her virginity and allowing him to move into her flat with her. But she had spent so long trying to please him that she had barely been in contact with her friends or family beyond the odd text – and even then, it was her replying rather than her initiating the conversations.

Speaking of which, she supposed she should call them and break the news. It had been over a week since she had broken up with Harry but she hadn’t had the guts to tell anyone yet. Arya and Robb had hated Harry and hadn’t bothered hiding it. Robb’s wife Jeyne as well as her mother and father had always been polite enough to him but Sansa could tell they weren’t that impressed with him either. Her friends Margaery and Myranda had not really met him often enough to comment since Margaery was just back from her gap year in America and Myranda had been in Fort William a lot with her family due to her mother’s illness.

“Sansa?”

She grimaced at how Arya seemed to question if it was really her. How long had it been since she had spoken to her sister.

“Yeah, its me.”

“Alright guys, call the search party off,” Arya replied. Sansa sighed.

“I am so sorry,” Sansa whispered. Arya was silent on the other end. “I am so sorry that I haven’t called you or text you. Or that I haven’t contacted Robb or mum and dad.”

“Sans, are you alright?” Arya asked just as Sansa burst into tears.

“I ended it,” she sobbed. Arya took a deep breath on the other end of the phone.

“Do you need me to come over?” she asked after a moment. Sansa shook her head.

“I…I ended it a week ago but didn’t want to say anything because I knew I would do this!” she replied, collapsing in the seat at her breakfast counter and sniffing in the most unattractive manner. “And besides, I didn’t think you would answer anyway.”

“Why not?” Arya responded defensively. Sansa sniffed again before she spoke.

“Because…because I haven’t been speaking to you guys… I…I spent all this time trying to fix it with Harry and …and…” she trailed off with a hiccup.

“Sans, listen to me,” Arya replied. “I….Jon, not now, I’m on the phone!...Sorry Sansa give me a minute.”

She heard the muffled sound of Arya talking to Jon and then she spoke again.

“Sorry, Jon was asking me to take the rubbish out. Jeez, I haven’t done it in a week, what is another five minutes?”

And Sansa laughed before she could stop herself although she was still crying too so there was the whole awkward snorting and inhaling going on. It felt good to laugh at something so silly as Arya being stubborn and Jon being his usual sullen self.

“How is Jon?” Sansa asked.

Jon and her hadn’t exactly gotten along as well as he did with her siblings. He was Robb’s friend and she had never really spent much time with him unlike Arya, who had moved into the flat he had shared with Jon and his friend Sam when she transferred from Aberdeen to Glasgow University. Jon had always been a bit distant with her, to the point where she often thought he was rather rude.

“He’s alright,” Arya replied and Sansa could feel the shrug. “Ygritte has been giving him space at least.”

“Oh, are they having trouble?”

“…they broke up…like months ago.”

“Oh, I didn’t know…” Sansa started but then stopped herself. Of course, she wouldn’t know because she hadn’t bothered to keep in contact with anyone and ask how they were doing. Thankfully, Arya didn’t comment on that fact.

“Least it is quieter now,” she sniggered.

“I only met her at the wedding and yeah, I guess she had a loud voice but…”

“No, I mean the sex!”

“Excuse me?!” Sansa choked out, almost tumbling back in her seat at how fast she straightened up in shock.

“Jesus, it was like a never-ending stampede was happening in the flat. The first time we heard it, Sam and I legit thought Jumanji was coming to life.”

Sansa snorted even as her cheeks flushed. She was still not used to sex, even after a two-year relationship. And especially people she knew having sex and then…

“Christ, Arya!” she exclaimed, slapping her hand to her forehead. “Can we not discuss how much you know about Jon’s sex life?”

“Well lack of now,” Arya retorted with a snigger. Sansa rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to call everyone else and let them know,” she said.

“He didn’t hurt you Sansa did he?” Arya asked suddenly. “Like, hit you or insult you or whatever?”

“No he never hit me,” Sansa replied quickly.

“But…” Arya prompted after Sansa was silent for a while.

“He would say horrible things a lot. I stopped having sex with him weeks before I ended it, trying to clear my head and he was so angry all the time. He never forced me though, I’ll say that much for him.

“Jeez, what a gentleman,” Arya snorted.

“I never called because I felt like I was a total idiot for staying with him and…”

“You thought we would judge you?” Arya finished for her but Sansa could detect the hurt in her voice. They had been so different as children, often tormenting the other for the sake of it but as they grew up they had become closer and accepted each other’s personalities and differences. Sansa spoke to Arya as much as she did with her mother. Or, she used to before this.

 “Harry is an ass,” Arya continued. “If I ever see him, I’ll punch him so hard he’ll land in China!”

***

Sansa huffed when the buzzer to her flat went, dropping the spoon in the tub of Mackies Tablet ice cream she had been eating. Over a week since she had told everyone and she was still doing the cliché of eating ice cream while wearing pyjamas and watching Moulin Rouge.

“We are going out!” Margaery chimed over the intercom.

“Great, have a good time!” Sansa replied, walking away. The buzzer went again. And again. And again.

“We’re not leaving until you come out too!” Myranda yelled and then there was the sound of rustling as if she were searching a bag. “We have wine, chocolate, a cuddly toy…ohh it is like the Generation Game! And we also have a VIBRATOR!”

“Literally ruined my childhood!” Margaery commented just as Sansa spoke quickly.

“I’m letting you up!” She really didn’t need the neighbours to see Myranda waving that around. She glanced at her fluffy pink pyjamas with a grimace.

Her sister-in-law Jeyne was first in, clutching a bottle of red wine in one hand. She smiled sadly at Sansa and opened her arms out for a hug, which Sansa readily fell into. Next was Margaery, carrying a large cuddly wolf toy that she could barely fit through the door, causing Sansa to burst out laughing. Myranda appeared behind Margaery, giving the brunette a playful shove into the flat. And then Sansa noticed the box that Myranda carried and then at the smirk on her friend’s face as she handed Sansa the box with a simple “you’ll be needing that I think” and a wink. Sansa blushed, and shoved the box onto the counter. Then she noticed the redhead in the doorway, frowning in confusion.

“Oh yeah,” Jeyne said suddenly. “Sansa, you remember Ygritte right? She was at Robb and I’s wedding. She was around at mine when Margaery called to say we were dragging you out.”

“Oh, of course,” Sansa said awkwardly, remembering what her and Arya had talked about the week before. And now she couldn’t stop hearing Ygritte screaming in pleasure in her head.

With naked, sweat-slicked and mussed curls Jon

What on earth was that?

She blinked at the sudden image of Jon invading her mind, feeling her whole face heat up and she quickly mumbled an excuse of being embarrassed about being in her pyjamas in front of them all.

“Arya is meeting us at the bar after her shift,” Jeyne said, looking at her phone as she spoke.

“Lets get you ready sweetheart,” Margaery cooed, leading Sansa to her room with Myranda trailing behind, leaving Jeyne and Ygritte in the living room.

“Okay, so, what do we think? You like blue and it is definitely a good colour on you,” Myranda said as she raked through Sansa’s wardrobe. “Or the classic little black dress?”

“You are alright, right Sans?” Margaery asked, sitting beside her on the bed. Sansa nodded, forcing a smile.

“I ended it with him,” she replied although she hated how it sounded like she was convincing herself. “He was always out and coming barging through the flat at three in the morning when I was working early. He never did anything around the house and he would always say I was nagging!”

“Urgh, ever noticed that only women supposedly nag? Men just ask more than once!” Myranda commented as she held up a black bodycon dress. “This one!”

“You deserve so much better sweetie,” Margaery said, pulling an arm around her shoulders.

“Why did you put up with him?” Myranda asked, sitting down on Sansa’s other side. Sansa shrugged. “Was he good in bed?” Myranda added.

“What?” Sansa choked out, her cheeks flushing again. Myranda rose an eyebrow.

“That would be a no.”

“I…he …I don’t have anything to compare,” Sansa replied.

Harry could make her peak with his fingers (sometimes that traitorous part of her mind piped up) and when they had sex (sometimes her mind hissed again). But even then, when she did find her pleasure, it hadn’t felt all that extraordinary. Harry didn’t go out of his way to play with her body or tease her or anything, her climaxes were mostly just luck on how long he lasted to roll against her clit.

“But I guess you’re right. He hardly ever ..um…touched me there…once we were living together. And he didn’t last that long.”

Myranda blinked at her. “Did he ever go down on you?”

“What?” Sansa exclaimed. She was going to need an ice bucket placed beside her at this rate as her whole face heated up again.

“You heard.”

“Um, no…I’ve heard it is quite difficult for women to climax that way.”

“Bullshit!” Myranda hissed.

“Did Harry tell you that?” Margaery asked.

“It is really not as difficult as they say,” Myranda said with a shrug. “Any man who says it is was never going to do it right anyway.”

“I brought the wine through,” Jeyne said as she nudged the door open with her hip, carrying the bottle of wine and three glasses.

“Good, we’ll need that to get the details out of Sansa,” Myranda commented as Jeyne put the glasses on the dresser and poured the wine. “Did you know Harry never went down on her?”

“I hate him even more now!” Jeyne exclaimed, handing them their drinks just as Sansa was about to say that her sister-in-law really didn’t need to know. She took a gulp of wine to distract herself from the fact Jeyne knew what this conversation was about.

“I mean, Robb and I were both virgins but god, he learned quick enough. I didn’t know anything about it before but the first time he …!” Sansa choked on her wine, eyes wide as she regarded her sister in law.

“Please do not tell me about my brother doing that!” she exclaimed with a grimace. Jeyne jerked as if only just remembering that Sansa was in the same room and gave a sheepish smile in apology before excusing herself to go and keep Ygritte company.

“Tommen was a virgin too,” Margaery mused before her smile turned predatory. “But, you wouldn’t think it now. Sometimes, he stays there for minutes on end as though trying to catch every last possible moment of my pleasure. He doesn’t even always want sex afterwards, or the favour returned. Lucky for him, I’m just as giving as him.” She winked.

Sansa blinked in shock. She had broached the topic with Harry once, she was curious. But he had said it was too much effort, more or less. And that he wouldn’t do it if she didn’t shave. And well, Sansa didn’t like being completely bare in that area.

She frowned as she tried to picture what Harry would have looked like if he had bothered to try but she just couldn’t imagine it. And then…

oh, oh!

The picture of Jon between her legs, eyes dark and mouth shining as he looked up at her appeared in her mind causing her breath to catch.

You barely spoke before and haven’t seen him in months. Now you’re imaging him eating you out? Jesus Sansa, you should get Bran to consult his psychology notes to explain this one!

“Let us get you ready,” Myranda interrupted her thoughts with a clap of her hands as Margaery got up and plugged her curling tongs into the wall. “Maybe you just need to remember how amazing you are and have some hot passionate sex with somebody!”

“Myranda!” Sansa gasped.

“I know, I know. Sweet Sansa Stark would never have a one-night stand,” her friend said teasingly. “You don’t know what you’re missing sweetheart. Sometimes a one-off thing is the best. Gets your needs seen to without the hassle of feelings and heartbreak.”

“While I am guilty of that mechanism, Sansa isn’t like that,” Margaery replied. “And there is nothing wrong with believing sex should only be between two people who at least have feelings for each other, if not love. And Sansa is definitely not ready for a relationship yet.”

“True,” Myranda murmured as Sansa took some fresh underwear and a towel and made for the bathroom. “No harm in flirting with someone though.”

***

The bar was quiet when they arrived but she figured it was still early, most people didn’t go out until the back of nine o clock these days, even on a Friday night. Still, there were a few people at the bar and a few guys playing pool.

“I’ll get the first round,” Jeyne said, moving towards the bar. Margaery went to help as she, Myranda and Ygritte moved to a booth in the centre of the bar.

“There’s a hell of a lot of hot guys tonight,” Myranda said, eyes scanning the crowd with a predatory look. Ygritte’s eyebrow quirked and she suddenly moved from where she was sitting beside Sansa to sit beside Myranda. Sansa scoffed.

“What?” Myranda said with a shrug. “We’re single. It’s the twenty first century. Women are allowed to want sex. I thought I already made this speech earlier.”

“I don’t think you’re being obvious enough,” Sansa muttered sarcastically as Ygritte nudged Myranda and raised her eyebrows in the direction of whatever man she had seen. Myranda grinned and gave Ygritte the thumbs up before the redhead was slinking out of the chair. Sansa blinked, turning in her chair to watch as Ygritte strode up to a tall redheaded man. In a flash, the man grinned and motioned towards the bar. Ygritte turned and winked at them just as Sansa felt someone slip in beside her.

“You alright?” Arya asked her, leaning on the table as she looked at Sansa, who smiled and gave a genuine nod. She did feel better for being out after all.

Jeyne and Margaery appeared with their drinks, sliding them in front of everyone. Jeyne slid a beer across to Arya with a grin and her sister beamed as she tipped the bottle in thanks.

“I always liked you Jeyne. I told Robb you were a keeper!”

“You told him to stop being so mushy when they were just cuddling on the sofa,” Sansa replied with a laugh.

“Cuddling leads to kissing and then next thing, you’re shagging,” Arya responded causing Margaery to laugh and Jeyne to choke on her vodka. Sansa whirled around to look at Arya who just continued as if nothing had happened. “And I’d rather not put my butt on tainted ground!”

“Shagging,” Margaery repeated with a snort. “I never understood that word.”

“I know, right?” Jeyne responded. “And you know what else confuses me? When I worked at the gift shop, somebody asked me what ‘och aye the noo’ means. And I don’t even know. What does it mean?”

“Oh, I never really thought about it,” Margaery said, brow furrowed.

“We don’t even say it anyway!” Arya added waving her hands about in exaggeration. “Who decided that is something Scottish people say?”

“Anyway!” Myranda interrupted, clicking her fingers and pointing at Arya. “As I was saying, a kick to the nuts is more appropriate for Harry. Do you know what he did? Or rather didn’t do!”

“Myranda!” Sansa said with warning. Arya really didn’t need to know about such things and being so disinterested in relationships she doubted she would know much about it. But Arya was frowning.

“What?” she asked, voice low and laced with threat.

“He wouldn’t eat her out.”

“What?”

Sansa wished she could say that Arya had said the word with confusion, genuinely not knowing what Myranda was talking about. But it sounded angry and if her voice hadn’t given her away, the look she gave Sansa when she whipped her head to look at her told her that yes, Arya knew exactly what this conversation was about. And Arya was clearly on the same page as her friends.

“It took you two years to dump his ass!”

“It wasn’t a big deal, it isn’t a big deal!” Sansa insisted. Myranda snorted.

“Only someone who has never experienced it would say that!”

“I mean, fine if it is not your thing. But did he even really bother?” Arya asked and the other girls all looked at Sansa in sympathetic synchrony when she remained silent.

“But he was clearly expecting you to give him, right? So, the least he could do is offer to reciprocate. If Gendry had acted like that I would have told him straight. If my mouth is good enough for your cock, yours is good enough for my cu…”

“Don’t say that word!” Sansa interrupted, glaring at her sister. Arya shrugged and then Sansa seemed to register what Arya had said. “Christ, Arya! What the hell?”

“I’m twenty-one, Sansa!”

Margaery laughed before getting up to get the next round. Jeyne was on her phone, probably texting Robb no doubt, Sansa mused. Arya and Myranda had started discussing the latest episode of their favourite television show. Sansa glanced at where Ygritte was still with the redhead. They were sitting at the bar, the man gesturing to the barmaid behind the bar while Margaery slid up next to her. They exchanged a few words and they both were grinning. Sansa frowned when she saw Margaery turning with a tray of their drinks and shots. Ygritte patted Margaery’s shoulder and then turned her full attention back onto the guy.

“I’m not wanting to get drunk!” Sansa insisted with a laugh when everyone made ‘boo’ sounds around her.

“To punching Harry!” Arya declared, holding her shot up.

“To Sansa one day knowing the pleasure of a man’s head between her legs!” Myranda added loudly, causing the men in the other booth to laugh and Sansa want to duck behind the curls framing her face.

“I’ll drink to that!” Jeyne, Arya and Margaery replied in unison, clinking their glasses together. Sansa rolled her eyes but lifted her shot glass all the same.

“Jeyne, I swear to God I will walk home if I have any indication that you and Robb are going to fuck in the car in front of me!” Margaery suddenly said when Jeyne took her phone out again.

“I was talking to Jon actually,” she retorted. Sansa raised her eyebrows.

“How is that whole thing with Ygritte?” she asked. Jeyne blinked at her, her head tilting to the side as though trying to work out how best to approach something.

“He…well they’re both fine I guess,” she responded slowly, glancing over at Ygritte again. “It was for the best though. I love them both but they weren’t right for each other.”

“Like I said, it is nice to have some peace and quiet,” Arya said. Myranda’s eyes widened with interest as she leaned across the table.

“Oh?” she grinned. “I cannot imagine Jon Snow getting all down and….oh no, wait, there it is!” she replied, sitting back with a grin and thoughtful expression. “You sure he doesn’t need a quick fuck to get over her?” Myranda added to Jeyne, gesturing her head towards Ygritte. Jeyne wrinkled her nose.

“Definitely not,” she responded firmly. “Jon has to get over …it….properly.”

“I thought you said he was taking it alright?” Sansa replied.

Jeyne opened her mouth just as the bar door opened and then broke into a grin and leapt out of her seat. Sansa turned her head to look.

Jon smiled and hugged Jeyne as she approached him and Sansa had to admit he looked gorgeous when he smiled. He was wearing a plaid shirt, red and black colours over a black t shirt and black jeans.

Jon glanced over to the table and after Jeyne motioned with her hand, he followed her to them. Arya got up to give Jon a hug and he ruffled her hair. He gave a small wave to Myranda and Margaery, his right-hand snug in his pocket while the two women give him beautiful smiles. He looked at her and Sansa managed to lift her own lips into a smile too.

“Jon,” she greeted. He put his other hand in his pocket, his own lips twitching even as his face returned to its usual sullen look.

“Sansa,” he returned.

“So, Jon,” Myranda said with a sly smile leaning back in her chair. Sansa jerked up, the straw falling out of her mouth as she stared at Myranda in shock, recognising her friend’s expression. Surely, she wouldn’t! “Where have you been? What have you been doing? Or who, perhaps?” she added the last part with a wink.

Jon flushed, rocking on his heels as his hands remained in his pockets. His shyness was rather endearing although she couldn’t help but think of Arya’s annoyance at Ygritte’s vocal appreciation of Jon’s …talents. Can’t have been that shy if he had Ygritte yelling the ceilings down and the bed hammering against the wall.

Always the quiet ones you know!

Sansa scowled at the voice that sounded suspiciously like Myranda in her head and slurped the last of her drink loudly. Arya raised her eyebrows at her.

“Nothing much,” Jon answered eventually. “And no-one, in response to your other question.”

“Single,” Myranda clarified, her eyes deliberately raking down Jon’s body. “Well ain’t that swell?”

“Gross,” Arya said as Jon shifted again, ducking his head. “I’m all for healthy sexual experiences and all but I draw the line on voyeurism! If you want to fuck, get a room.”

“Myranda doesn’t want to fuck Jon,” Sansa bit out as she twirled the straw in the ice at the bottom of her glass, not even registering that she had used a swear word, which was so unlike her. She wished she hadn’t drank her vodka so quickly now as she waited for the rest to finish their own. She glanced around to see everyone was looking at her in shock. She felt her cheeks flush and then cleared her throat. “Sorry, no offence Jon. I just meant, she likes to flirt and tease but she’s just messing with you really. I’m sure there are plenty of women who will take you to bed for real though.”

Arya snorted, shaking her head. Jon blinked at her.

“Thanks,” he replied coolly. “Um, I’m going to get a drink.”

“Is that a good idea?” Sansa asked with a frown as she looked towards the bar where Ygritte was still flirting with the redhead. Jeyne glanced at the bar, biting her lip.

“They were being civil last…ah, excuse me!” Jeyne said suddenly, practically leaping from her chair as Ygritte’s interest left for the bathroom and she had turned to engage Jon in conversation.

The girls watched in curiosity as Jeyne practically ran across the bar to the pair, her arms gesturing widely between them. She turned to Ygritte suddenly and then Jon glanced over to her. Sansa raised her eyebrows and he quickly looked away again.

“What was that about?” she asked, turning to the others.

Arya shrugged, looking just as confused as Sansa felt. Myranda was watching curiously, finger tracing her lip and brows furrowed. Margaery had her head tilted in curiosity as she regarded the display and then blinked suddenly, as if just realising something. Then Jon turned with a glass of coke in hand and the group quickly pretended not to have been watching them.

“I’m telling you, it was the best sex of my life!” Myranda chimed quickly, slamming her hands on the table with her mouth open in a dramatic representation of pleasure.

“Well, that is a great time to walk into a conversation,” Jeyne said cheerily as Jon went to sit beside Arya.

“You should be honoured Jon,” Margaery said, tossing her curls over her shoulder. “Not many men get to be part of a girls night.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t realise it was…” Jon began but Margaery waved him off.

“No, no. Its fine! Just to warn you though, we might be saying a few ..uh unfavourable things about your sex. Poor Sansa here has just recently re-joined the singletons club.”

“Really?!” Sansa exclaimed glaring at Margaery. Jon glanced at her over Arya’s head.

“I’m sorry,” he said and it sounded genuine. Sansa was about to thank him when Myranda cackled, putting her bottle down.

“Don’t be, he was an ass! Wouldn’t even go,,,,” she was cut off as Jeyne pressed a hand to her mouth, giving her a glare.

“on holiday with her,” Margaery filled in quickly after a quick glance at Jeyne. Jon blinked and Sansa knew that he had known she and Harry had been discussing Paris the last time he had been at the Starks house. Sansa felt her whole face heat up as Jon glanced at her curiously.

“I’m going to punch him to China if I ever see him,” Arya supplied, taking a swig of her drink. Jon’s lips twitched and it annoyed Sansa to no end. He hadn’t been there to judge. Sure, Harry was an arse but drunk her wasn’t being very rational.

“Do you have something to say Jon?” she asked in annoyance.

“Um, no,” he said quickly, eyes darting down to the table.

“No no, come on! You have been gone for ages and somehow think you know about my relationship.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne warned and Sansa turned to her.

“I just don’t think he deserved you,” Jon said after a moment.

“You don’t know anything about it!” she snapped. Who did he think he was?

“Sans, jeez. Jon is just being nice!” Arya retorted, frowning at her sister. Sansa sighed. She had been harsh. Her emotions were all over the place right now.

“Sorry,” she said genuinely. “I’m all over the place just now. I didn’t mean to snap at you Jon.”

Jon merely nodded, eyes on his drink.

“Robb is here so I’m going to shoot off,” Jeyne declared suddenly. “Marge, you still needing a lift?”

“Please.”

“My round,” Myranda piped up, sliding out of the booth and giving a wave to the two women as they left. Arya excused herself to use the bathroom so Jon moved around the other side to let her out.

“So,” Sansa mumbled after a moment of continued silence. Jon looked up at her. “How have you been? I heard you and Ygritte broke up.”

“Ah,” Jon responded with a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m good. We’re good.” He gestured towards the bar. Sansa nodded, feeling awkward at not knowing what to say to him.

“Myranda says having hot, passionate sex with a stranger is a good way to get over someone.”

How drunk was she?

Jon choked on his drink, spitting some of the liquid out on the table. Sansa wrinkled her nose.

“Sorry,” he said quickly with another cough.

Jon seems passionate if rumours are to be believed.

“Whats up?” Arya asked as she returned, raising an eyebrow at the spilt drink. Sansa shrugged, trying to appear casual even as the image of Jon, naked and above her burned in her brain.

“Alright, another shot time I think!” Myranda announced, ignoring as the others groaned. She raised her glass again, tilting it in Sansa’s direction.

“To Sansa getting lai…” she began before Sansa interrupted.

“Don’t even go there!”

Arya sniggered as Myranda grinned. Jon looked confused, his eyes wide and, if Sansa was being honest, rather adorable.

“Oooh, cute guy alert!” Myranda exclaimed, followed by a long pull from her beer. Sansa blinked in awe as Myranda put her bottle down and strode purposely towards the blonde-haired man who had caught her eye. Jon smirked as he watched her.

“It is like Theon has returned to us in female form,” Arya commented causing Sansa and Jon to laugh.

“I heard from him the other day,” Jon said. “He is actually settled with someone in Oslo.”

“No way!” the girls chimed in unison.

“I can’t picture Theon settling with anyone!” Sansa giggled.

Yeah well, you didn’t see Jon screwing your brains out before tonight either so there you go.

“I better go,” Arya said, checking her phone. She took a fiver out of her pocket. “Since it would have been my round.”

“Cheers sis,” Sansa replied, getting up to hug her. “Love you!”

“Urgh, sap!” Arya said with a smile. “Love you too.”

Sansa settled back into her chair. Jon gave her a small smile.

“I am sorry about earlier,” he said. Sansa blinked, unsure what he was talking about. “If I upset you…when Arya was talking about Harry.”

“Oh,” Sansa commented with a small frown. She had already forgotten about that. “No its fine. But…uh, you hated him too huh?”

“You have no idea,” Jon said with a small laugh. Sansa raised her eyebrow.

“Wow. I really was stupid.”

“You were in love,” Jon responded and she tilted her head, feeling the smile come to herself. Where had this sweet Jon been all these years? She couldn’t remember them spending longer than a meal time in each other’s company.

“Well, it can sometimes be the same thing,” she joked. “You must have done some stupid things when you were in love with Ygritte.”

“Uh, yeah I suppose,” Jon chuckled to himself.

“You’re talking to me,” she noted, regarding him over her drink as her fingers played with her straw. Jon laughed.

“You sound just as shocked as you did the first time you said that.”

“It is just,” she started, shaking her head with a chuckle as Jon took a sip of his drink. “I thought you hated me.”

“What?” Jon said with a laugh, setting his drink down. “I never hated you.”

“Oh,” Sansa replied dumbly. “Well, I didn’t either. Hate you, I mean.”

“Good to know,” he responded, glancing away from her and then looking at the table again.

He was twisting his fingers together in front of him and Sansa glanced back towards Ygritte but found she wasn’t at the bar. She turned her head in time to see her leave with her new beau. Oh, so he was still dealing with that after all.

Maybe…maybe Myranda had a point.

Her and Jon, they could maybe have a fling and get their exes out of their system. Jon was attractive, and apparently skilled. Maybe he would even go down on her if she asked. And oh god, the thought of that suddenly sent a bolt straight to her core.

Jon glanced at her, his brow lifting in question to her staring. She shook herself from her thoughts, distracting herself with her drink and deliberately averting her eyes down in case he would see exactly what she was thinking.

But then….but then…

Jon was an easy option. They didn’t spend much time together so one night couldn’t make it anymore awkward between them. Robb and Arya need never know.

She drained her drink quickly, needing liquid courage.

“How about we get out of here?” she asked softly, forcing herself to look straight into his eyes. He blinked, several more times than was necessary.

“And go where?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and regarding her curiously.

“To mine,” she returned, trying to sound confident.

“To do what?”

“Jesus, I’m asking if you want to fuck,” she hissed. “I thought I was being obvious.” Jon flushed.

“You want to ...?” he choked off, blinking again. But his eyes dropped to her lips, and then down to her chest where her cleavage was on show before quickly looking up again. She managed to bite back her smile at realising that while he was shy, he was interested.

“Apparently oral is all the rage just now…” she prompted, watching his face carefully. He frowned in confusion for a second before his eyes widened.

"He....he never went down on you?" Jon said in shock.

"No."

"He really was an ass," he muttered. Sansa blinked. He seemed genuinely shocked at the idea of Harry not going down on her.

"You...you like..doing that?"

"Love it," he murmured huskily, staring straight at her. Sansa licked her lips unconsciously. His eyes dropped down automatically. "Want me to show you?" he whispered, watching her intensely.

The silence was thick and Sansa felt as though her heart was going to pound out of her chest. The image wouldn’t leave, the idea was planted and now she wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Myranda raving about anything sexual was not a surprise. And Margaery was pretty open about her sexual experiences too so her contribution hadn’t really set Sansa’s mind wandering. But Jeyne. Sweet Jeyne who seemed so prim and proper, like Sansa’s own mother had practically melted thinking back on her experience (and Sansa tried very hard to forget that it was her brother that had caused that look). And then Arya! There had to be something to it if Arya was raving about it. Her sister never talked about her romantic life, had announced her relationship with Gendry over dinner as if she had merely been commenting on the weather. Arya didn’t gush about her love life so for her to openly talk about such a thing and be appalled at Sansa being denied the experience …

“Yes,” she whispered before she could stop herself.

“Okay,” he commented after a moment. “But not when you’re drunk

“I’m not…” she started but stopped herself with a frown. While she wasn’t totally drunk, she was tipsy. But she knew what she was doing and that she wanted to know what all this fuss was about. “I know what I’m doing!” she said instead.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I’d rather you were sober though if you were going to invite me back to yours.”

“It would just be a one-night thing anyway!”

“Sure, but we can’t have you forgetting the first time a man fucks you with his tongue.”

Well, there goes the underwear!

She figured if she had a mirror right now, her eyes would be all but black instead of their bright blue. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to tear her eyes away from that god damn mouth. Jon placed the glass back on the table and then took out a pen, scribbling on the beer mat and sliding it across to her. Then he stood and walked off.

“See you around Stark.”

***

She still can’t believe she actually called Jon around.

The nerves were kicking in as she glanced at the clock again, her right foot tapping the floor while she sat on her sofa. She had tried distracting herself from thinking too much. She had cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, hoovered all the rooms as well as stripping and making her bed. She had showered and washed her hair. She had deliberated on whether she should shave or not. Harry had never liked her having pubic hair but she had never liked being bare down there. In the end, she went with her own preference, practically hearing Myranda’s approval ringing in her head. But by five thirty, she was out of distractions, half watching House of Cards on Netflix and glancing at her phone until Jon’s name appeared, just after six.

I’ll be there in thirty minutes.

Half six came and she huffed out a breath, her tapping foot increasing as she glanced at her phone again in case he had messaged. Maybe he was caught in traffic. Maybe he had changed his mind. Goodness sake Sansa, he isn’t even two minutes late yet!

As if summoned by her thoughts, the buzzer went, causing her to jump. She hovered nervously by the door, listening for his footsteps and trying to control her breathing. She heard the floor creak outside and drew upon all her courage as she opened the door to meet him.

His grey eyes stared at her with such intensity that she felt herself swallow. His hands were in his jeans pockets again, countering the assertive stare he was trying to convey with underlying shyness. She smiled, taking courage from the fact that he was going along with this crazy notion as well for whatever reasons.

“Do you want a beer?” she asked as she moved towards the fridge “Or a coke?”. Jon closed the door behind him softly, glancing around in curiosity at her living room.

“Coke is fine,” he responded as he looked at the photos on her bookshelf. He was looking at the one of Robb’s wedding, where it was just Robb and his brothers and Jon on one side and Jeyne with her sister and Sansa and Arya on the other. She had been honoured that Jeyne had asked her to be her bridesmaid, having developed a close bond with her sister-in-law almost immediately.

“I’m sorry I embarrassed you with my poor dancing skills,” Jon said as he took the beer she offered. She laughed. Technically, Eleyna being maid of honour was supposed to dance with Jon but she had pulled a tendon in her ankle and was supposed to avoid strenuous activities. So, Sansa had been the one to uphold the tradition.

“You weren’t that bad. You didn’t step on my toes at least.”

“I was so nervous,” Jon laughed, taking a swig from the bottle of coke.

“I wouldn’t have let you make a fool of yourself,” she said, grinning at him. “It would have made me look bad!”

“You going to admit to being selfish when I’m here to be the exact opposite?” he returned.

“Well, we’ll have to wait and see how you do?” she retorted, resisting the urge to look at his mouth and appear unfazed.

“Why did you stay with that ass for two years?”

She opened her mouth to respond that she had loved Harry and that, prior to her stupid friends and sister putting the idea in her head, she didn’t think she was lacking anything particularly amazing. But Jon cut her off, his eyes so dark there was hardly any grey left to them. He moved so fast, cupping her cheeks and lifting her face so she had to meet his gaze.

“If he was half as decent as you thought he was, he would have been begging to eat you out.”

His mouth was on hers before she could respond. Her hands gripped his shirt as his twisted into her hair, one hand pulling on her hair tie to allow her locks to fall free from her ponytail. Unfortunately, it meant breaking the kiss and she heard herself whimper at the loss of contact.

“Bedroom,” she managed to choke out, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the corridor. Jon grabbed her as soon as they entered her room, turning her and slamming her against the door as his mouth descended on hers again, his tongue slipping past her lips.

He pulled back suddenly, hands moving to the hem of her dress and tugging upwards. Her own joined his, helping him pull it up over her head and leaving her in her black lacy underwear. Jon groaned, pulling her from the door and sitting her on her bed before she could really register what was happening. He kissed her again as he pulled the straps of her bra down and then the cups to free her breasts.

“Oh!” she moaned as his thumbs rubbed her nipples in tight circles simultaneously. She fell back onto the bed, Jon following her movement even as his thumbs never stopped. His pointer finger suddenly joined, pinching her buds to hard peaks that had her choking on surprised pleasure. Harry had never bothered all that much with touching her. He would pinch her nipples and finger her and it had been pleasant enough but Jon. Jon was playing with her body as if trying to wrench all the secret pleasures it held from her, not stopping until he was wringing the last possible pleasure from her.

“You like that?” he whispered against her neck and she barely managed a nod, turning her head into the sheets in an attempt to combat the sensations she was going through. She felt his smirk against her cheek as he moved to her ear. “I like playing with your tits too.”

She gasped, body arching against him and she was shocked at the thrill his words sent through her. His finger and thumb continued plucking at her left nipple while her right was suddenly encased in the wet heat of his mouth. She keened, bucking up against him and feeling her legs fall open of their own accord. Jon hummed and Sansa grasped his curls in her right hand to keep him on her, the left straining against her sheets. She could barely cope with this attention, she was dreading her response when he finally did start to make good on his promise of what pleasure he could give with his tongue between her legs.

His hand left her breast and slipped beneath her pants and she spread her legs further. He hummed in approval and with her nipple still in his mouth, she felt the vibrations travel through her, straight to between her legs. His fingers ran through her curls for a moment before his pointer and middle fingers started tracing her outer lips. She gasped, throwing her head back into the pillow and gripping the sheets tighter in her hand as his finger slipped down and inside of her.

“Jon,” she whined, her hips bucking to try and get his finger in deeper. He gave her nipple a long suck and then released it just as his middle finger joined the first. She forced her eyes half open, enough to see him watching the movement of his hands beneath her underwear. His right hand crossed over his stomach and under his other arm to grab the edge of her pants.

Sansa flushed as she realised this was the moment. She had never felt comfortable in her body but she managed to take a deep breath, focussing on the ceiling above her as Jon began to pull her underwear down. His fingers slipped out and she groaned at the loss.

She felt him move off the bed, opening her eyes in time to watch him go to his knees at the end of the bed. He pulled her underwear again from where it was abandoned mid-thigh, pulling them completely off her legs. He grabbed her ankles gently and pulled her body across the sheets. She bit her lip as she watched him place her legs over his shoulder, his eyes staring between her legs. She propped herself up on her elbows, watching in curiosity and waiting. Jon turned his head, kissing her thighs and she huffed in annoyance, patience wavering even more as she felt Jon’s smirk against her skin. She was about to tell him to get on with it, considered goading him with a teasing taunt that maybe he didn’t know what he was doing after all. And then finally, finally.

Her elbows gave out, forcing her to collapse on the bed as his tongue licked up through her folds, once, twice. The tip brushed against her clit and she bucked, gasping at the sensation as he gave it a tentative lick before going back to teasing her folds.

She moaned as his tongue returned to circle her clit, head tossing against her bed and her hands clenching and unclenching beside her. His left hand held her left thigh, keeping her spread open for him as his right arm rested gently on her stomach, restraining her bucking hips. Her cheeks flushed as she thought of how wanton she was acting. As if sensing her thoughts, Jon pulled back a little, giving a soft lick through her folds and placing a kiss to her clit. She choked, her hands clenching again.

“Is it good? Do you like having my mouth on you?” Jon whispered, his beard scratching her skin in the most delicious way. She moaned, nodding feverishly as she could barely trust herself to speak. He reached for her right hand, guiding it to his head as he returned to his task.

"I love having my mouth on your cunt too," he murmured before sucking her clit into his mouth. Sansa wailed. Face flushing at his dirty talk and how her body jerked, her cunt throbbed.

His thumbs reached in, spreading her lips apart as he curled his tongue inside of her. She couldn’t even describe the noise she made, eyes fluttering shut and her ankles digging into his shoulder. Jon retreated, sliding back up and his tongue started circling her clit again.

Her hips were bucking uncontrollably, even under his arm and her hand clenched in his hair so tightly she would worry about pulling it out if her mind wasn’t going blissfully blank with her impending orgasm. She could feel her thighs trembling, her ankles digging into him as she tried to pull him closer, his name falling from her lips on a broken wail.

He slowed down a little to coax her release from her but as soon as she had slumped down, his speed increased again, still circling her bundle of nerves in tight, fast circles.

“I can’t!” she choked out, even as her hips bucked, pushing her harder against his mouth, even as her stomach clenched and her body flushed with pleasure.

“You can,” he whispered with promise against her. “One more time baby. Come on!”

“Oh, oh, oh! Jon!” she cried, practically sobbing as he returned to her. She felt as though her lungs were going to be pulled from her mouth at how hard she was breathing, her heart felt as though it would burst out of her chest. Her eyes rolled back as he coaxed her second climax from her.

Her hand slipped out of his hair as she felt him move back. She managed to open her eyes a little, groggy from her orgasms and watched him adjust his jeans and straighten his shirt. He smiled at her, his mouth still wet from her and Sansa felt a sudden desire to kiss him and taste herself on his lips and tongue. Her eyes widened when he moved, thinking he was going to kiss her but then he kissed her forehead instead.

"Are you alright?" he murmured softly and she hummed, giving him a grin even as her eyes drooped shut. She tried to keep them open, wanted to stay awake to keep him here. She wanted to have sex with him. Hell, she even wanted to return the favour.

The next thing she knew, she was wakening up at seven in the morning and Jon was nowhere to be found.

Chapter Text

She didn’t have the courage to call Jon the next day. Or the day after. Or even three days later. He had sent her a text when he got home, telling her that he was sorry for leaving so quickly but that she could call him anytime.

But after a week, she still hadn’t. And by that point she had decided it was best to just forget about it. Sure, she could admit that it had been good (amazing, mind-blowing) but for the sake of avoiding awkward conversations with Arya and Robb in the future (because she knew it would be one of them that would find out), she decided it was best to just keep it as a happy memory, never speak of it again and go back to normal. Luckily, it was made easier by the fact that she never spent any time with Jon anyway unless at a group event like Robb’s or Arya’s birthday where they would both be invited so she wouldn’t have to worry about it being brought up again.

She was surprised then, when that weekend, it was Myranda and Margaery who brought the subject of the night out up over lunch.

“Sorry we abandoned you,” Margaery said as she sipped her water. “But you know what your brother and Jeyne are like. They can barely be apart more than ten seconds without thinking the other might be dead. I thought I was unintentionally going to be part of a threesome the way those two carry on.”

“Thanks for that mental image,” Sansa remarked dryly. Myranda, however was smirking. Sansa realised too late that she looked too smug with herself.

“Oh, I don’t think Sansa minded,” she purred. Margaery arched an eyebrow at her friend, who took it as a cue to continue. “Her and Jon looked quite cozy. I think I even saw him give her his number.”

Sansa flushed, averting her eyes as Margaery turned to her. “Sansa Stark!” she hissed in mock indignation but Sansa’s blush intensified at the pride in Margaery’s voice. “Did you actually hook up with Jon Snow that night?!”

“No,” Sansa replied quickly. But Myranda and Margaery continued looking at her as if they knew there was more. And so, biting her lips she attempted a bored shrug and added. “Maybe four days after that…”

Myranda cackled and Margaery literally squealed so loud that several people at nearby tables turned to look at them. Sansa glared at them in embarrassment and wished she had never said anything when Myranda leaned forward with a wide grin.

“So?” she pressed. “Was your cunnilingus cherry popped?” They were looking at her with intense interest and Sansa drew it out as long as she could, a little revenge for the embarrassment they seemed determined to put her through.

“Yes,” she eventually replied. Her friends exchanged smirks.

“You’re welcome!” Myranda added, and then grinned at Sansa's confused look. "I put the idea in your head, didn't I?"

“You didn't set Jon and I up. You even said that I should flirt, not hook up!" Sansa teased.

"I'm still claiming credit for this!" Myranda replied with a shrug."

"Are you seeing him again?” Margaery asked.

Sansa’s blissful memories of those orgasms was suddenly replaced with that bitter disappointment she had felt when Jon had left. And hadn’t spoken to her since that text. She let out a bitter laugh at her friends.

“He didn’t stay afterwards,” she said. Margaery raised an eyebrow and for once, Myranda’s smirk was gone, replaced with a concerned look.

“He left after sex?” Myranda asked, her voice low with anger on Sansa’s behalf at the insinuation.

“We didn’t even have sex,” Sansa replied. Margaery and Myranda exchanged a look before both staring at Sansa intently, waiting for her to continue. But all Sansa managed was a lame. “He gave me two orgasms and then I wanted to ask if he wanted to stay but sort of fell asleep. He text to say he had needed to go back to look after the dog.”

Myranda snorted.

“There is a joke in there somewhere about taking care of a pussy before a dog,” she said with a wink. Margaery was frowning at the table as if deep in thought before she looked at Sansa again.

“Have you spoken to him since?” she asked. Sansa shook her head.

“It has been a week now. I think it is best to just forget about it,” she replied but she watched Margaery frown again. Her friend looked as though she was about to say something but thought better of it, instead giving a small shrug as if to say she was accepting whatever Sansa decided to do.

“Maybe you two could have a fuck buddy agreement,” Myranda said eventually. “I mean, he could be a real sexual awakening for you, make you feel comfortable with it. I’m sorry Sansa but just because you’re not a virgin anymore doesn’t automatically make you experienced at sex. Jon could be a great partner for learning what you really like and don’t like. He doesn’t seem the type to be bothered if you tell him no but he also seems the type willing to explore it. That is what you need in a man.”

“And what does Jon get out of it?” Sansa asked, arching a brow. Myranda snorted, giving her a pointed look.

“Other than the numerous opportunities for sex?” she joked. Sansa stuck her tongue out and Myranda copied the action. Margaery remained silent, frowning at the table again.

“What do you think Margaery?” she asked. Her friend looked up, biting her lip as though still thinking of what to say.

“Well, I think you would need to know where you both stand. Be completely honest with each other,” she said slowly. “I mean, Sansa, is this just a casual thing to you?”

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. This whole thing was so unlike her, having a casual hook up and now talking about a potential booty-call arrangement. If Sansa had told herself a month ago that this would happen, she would have laughed herself silly. After her cheeks stopped burning of course as she blushes at the simplest things. Margaery hummed as if to say, ‘well think about it’ and then started talking about how excited she was for the next episode of Outlander the next evening.

***

What you up to?

Sansa frowned at the message Jon had sent. Her thumb hovered over the letters of her phone while she waited for the kettle to boil but she still couldn’t think of how to answer. Since she had returned from her lunch date, Sansa’s head was confused with everything that was going on. Maybe Myranda was right, maybe some fun with Jon was just what she needed, someone to embrace sex with in a comfortable and pleasurable way and allow her to be more confident in herself. She knew she was pretty, had been told so countless times by many different people. But she felt that she knew nothing about sex, despite being with Harry for two years. She had been self-conscious of trying new positions, always over-thinking about which way to move her hips. More often than not, Harry had been on top, not really hiding the fact that he had little patience in waiting for her to learn how to move herself. Jon had been very patient with her that night, he would undoubtedly be patient enough to teach her how to be more comfortable in her own skin and to enjoy sex even more.

Plus, she could remember how talented that tongue was…

But on the other side, at what point did it become a problem? What if Robb and Arya found out somehow? Robb would probably punch Jon, accuse Jon of taking advantage of his little sister, even if Sansa would tell him that she was a consenting adult and had chosen to call Jon to act upon his promises. It would undoubtedly ruin Jon and Robb’s friendship. And Arya would probably be angry with both of them, her for causing the whole fallout with Robb and Jon and making Arya choose between them, and with Jon for being stupid enough to go along with it. Maybe it really was better to just sweep the whole experience under the carpet, she thought with a sigh as she typed a neutral reply.

No plans. Maybe Netflix and chill later lol.

She slapped a hand to her forehead too late, already having sent the text when she remembered what Netflix and Chill was a code for. Damn, the youth and their high jacking of innocent phrases, she thought. And then she felt old for even having the thought. She was twenty-three for goodness sake, she shouldn’t be turning on the young for at least another five years! She was in the middle of texting him back to rectify her mistake when her phone buzzed again.

You going to be chilling by yourself?

Sansa blinked. Did he know what Netflix and chill meant and was trying to seduce her? Or was he genuinely clueless and was just concerned she had no company on a rainy Saturday afternoon. She was shocked to think of how much she hoped it was the first option.

“I mean, he could be a real sexual awakening for you.”

Only one way to find out, she supposed. She bit her lip, her cheeks reddening slightly as she typed out her reply.

Maybe. Unless you want to join?

She put the phone down on the counter and turned to pour the water over her teabag and moving to get the milk out of the fridge. Her phone buzzed again and she felt her heart pound in her chest as Jon replied with a ‘what time?’

She sighed as she spooned the teabag out of her cup and poured the milk in before adding three sugars. She had inherited her mother’s sweet tooth as well as her looks. She looked at her phone again as she took that first soothing sip of tea and quickly responded with a short ‘whenever you want’.

***

Turned out that Jon definitely knew what Netflix and chill meant. She realised it between the time it took her to open a beer each for them and the time he shoved her back on the couch and had his hands under her top, reaching to unclasp her bra. She hadn’t even switched the television on.

Jon’s hands moved back to her breasts, caressing their weight in his palms as his thumbs gently traced the shape of each. She gasped when he moved them to her nipples, remembering how he had reduced her to a shivering mess just from touching her breasts. For his part, Jon seemed to like them as much as he liked to have his mouth on her. Whether it was because he genuinely liked the feel and sight of them, whether her gasps and moans in response to the pleasure boosted his ego or whether the fact that Jon playing with her breasts and nipples left her soaked, she didn’t know. She didn’t really care at this point either as Jon worried her right nipple between his teeth as his left hand squeezed her left breast, his thumb and finger pinching her other nipple.

She was still mostly dressed, her sweater pushed up above her breasts to expose them to him, only her bra had been removed. She pulled him off of her chest, her hands reaching for the button of her jeans. Jon’s blown eyes followed the movement and as soon as the button popped, he moved to stand and manoeuvred her to face him, leaving her half lying on the sofa but her feet braced on the floor. He quickly moved the abandoned beers to the television stand and Sansa quickly pulled her jeans off her legs in the meantime. Jon returned to gently push her down to sit on the sofa again, kneeling in front of her before reaching to pull down her underwear.

“What do you want?” he murmured as his hands moved to gently part her thighs. She squirmed, her cheeks flushing at her exposure despite him already seeing it all last time. His fingers traced delicate circles into the flesh of her thigh and he was watching her silently, waiting for her to speak.

“Your mouth,” she said quickly, forcing herself to look him in the eye as she made her demand. Jon grinned before kissing her thighs. At first, she thought he was just being tender like last time, trying to abate the nervousness and awkwardness. But then he moved further up, beginning a trail of kisses from one hip to the other. She huffed, her fingers in his hair and he glanced up at her with that smirk.

“Where do you want my mouth, Sansa?” he asked, maintaining eye contact as he kissed her hip again. Sansa flushed. He wouldn’t make her say it. Surely, he wouldn’t. Sansa hardly ever said a bad word as her mother had taught her to be well-mannered and sweet. She wouldn’t ever say filthy things, she could barely swear most of the time. And to talk so openly about her sexual parts, nope definitely not sweet Sansa Stark!

“Do you want it on your cunt?” he murmured against her skin. Sansa gasped, her cheeks flushing as her startled eyes met his, just as he pushed a finger into her. She bucked up, closing her eyes against his grin even if she couldn’t block out his smug words as he felt her body’s response. “I think you like me saying that.”

She shook her head in denial, even as he pushed another finger inside of her and she could hear how wet she was when his fingers moved. Her hips rolled against them desperately and she was powerless to stop them. She bit her lip to stop herself moaning and kept her eyes firmly clenched shut against him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much that word had affected her. She had always hated the word, or at least had been told that it was a vile word by her mother. Yet, she figured she couldn’t be that bothered by it after all, given her body’s reaction.

“I won’t make you say it,” Jon whispered, his breath above her navel and her belly clenched at how close his mouth was to her center. “I would probably finish right now if you even said ‘fuck’”

She came sharply, her hand burying itself in his curls tightly, the other digging harshly into her sofa cushions as her head tipped back and her hips bucked harder, trying to wring ever last piece of pleasure.

She whined as his fingers retreated, only to gasp as she felt his tongue licking at her. In her daze of pleasure, she managed to wind both hands in his hair, pushing him further into her and only as the cloud of bliss started to fade did she think she was maybe being too rough with him. But Jon groaned at the feel of her hands in his hair, moving his tongue faster in response until her pleasure began to build again. She came again quickly and weakly shoved him away as the sensation became too much.

This time, she did pull him up to kiss him before he moved away again. He groaned into her mouth, his tongue pushing past her lips and she moaned in response to the tangy taste of herself. Feeling brave, she pulled back enough to playfully nip his earlobe.

“Fuck me.”

She felt Jon shudder at the words she had whispered, took delight at the way his hips thrust against her in response and the hardness she had felt there. His eyes were practically black as he pulled back to look at her.  

“Here?” he asked, his voice low with desire. Sansa shuddered at the thought. She had never had sex outside of a bed before. The thought was deliciously appealing but her inexperience was starting to catch up on her and she bit her lip.

“I’m …. I’m not used to…” she trailed off with a huff, trying to think of what to say but becoming aware that the mood and moment were quickly evaporating. Jon’s hand cupped her cheek.

“You’ve not experimented much?” he supplied, his voice soft and Sansa exhaled in relief at the non-judgement he showed at the implication. It gave her the courage to nod, her eyes meeting his again. Jon’s thumb traced her cheek and Sansa used her courage to speak again.

“But I want to,” she whispered. Jon’s thumb paused and his look was unreadable for a brief second before his lips twitched into that half smile.

“Where were we?” he asked, moving to place a kiss to her lips while his hands returned to shove her sweater up to allow him to massage her breasts. She moaned in response before catching his smirk.

“You were going to fuck me,” she managed to reply, looking up at him through her eyelashes and taking delight as his smugness evaporated and he let out a breath through his parted lips.

“You have got to stop saying that,” Jon groaned as he moved to stand and reached to his back pocket to take his wallet out and retrieve a condom. He placed it on the table as Sansa smirked at him.

“So, I can affect you too,” she noted, watching as he pulled his shirt up and tossed it to the side.

“You have no idea,” he muttered and Sansa was ready to joke about how his obvious bulge was telling her enough when he suddenly kissed her again only breaking it to help her pull her sweater over her head. She moved her own hands to his jeans, her fingers quickly undoing the button and zipper. Her hand drifted into his boxers to grip him and he bucked against her. She grinned as she moved her hand along the shape of him and watched his jaw tense before he opened his eyes to meet hers again. He grinned back at her before moving her hand, turning quickly to take the condom off the table. She watched him shove his boxers down put it on, her eyes immediately drawn to his manhood. But then Jon was suddenly kissing her again, pressing his mouth harder against her own, coaxing her lips apart to curl his tongue against hers and her eyes drifted shut against the sensation.

He moved again, not breaking the kiss as he twisted their bodies so he was sitting on the sofa. Their lips parted as he pulled her onto her lap and she tensed, her hands bracing against his shoulders and she lowered her eyes.

“Hey,” Jon said softly, his hands cupping her cheek. “You okay?”

“I’m so bad at this,” she admitted with a self-deprecating laugh. “You would think after a relationship of two years I would be actually good at sex by now.” Jon frowned at her words.

“I don’t think anyone is bad at it,” he said after a moment of silence. “They just lack confidence.”

She bit her lip, looking away from him again. He gently turned her face to his again and then moved his hands to her hips. He stared into her eyes as he raised her up slightly, one hand going down to help guide him inside of her.

She dug her fingers into his shoulder, her lips parting on a gasp at the feeling of him. It had been four weeks since she had broken up with Harry but she had stopped having sex with him weeks before that, when she was still trying to figure out if she was wanting to end it or not and didn’t want to complicate her thoughts. She had always felt that sex with Harry was a chore, whether he meant it to be like that or not. She just knew she could have spent her whole life with him and never feel she could meet his standards.

Jon bucked into her sharply, causing her to come out of her thoughts with a moan. She glared at him and he smirked, proud to have her attention back on him. She rolled her hips in response, grinning as he bit his lip to keep back a moan. She did it again and again and again, delighting in the way he cursed and dug his hands into her hips. And then he opened his eyes, meeting hers again and flashing her a grin and she paused as she realised his game. He had goaded her into moving on her own without having to think about it.

“You sneaky little…” she said, laughing. He grinned wolfishly at her but hissed as she began to move again, his eyes squeezing shut again as his head fell back against the sofa. His hands moved to her bum, grasping the flesh gently. His eyes opened to meet hers again as he pushed him into her, encouraging her to go harder and faster and she realised in a moment she would, she would…

She bit into his shoulder as her body tensed, her hips bucking into him uncontrollably as his breath hit her neck in harsh pants, his hands digging harshly into her flesh. His thrusts became more erratic and she moaned again as he tensed with his release, her name coming out in a soft groan.

“Fuck,” she said and felt him laugh weakly. She finally moved her head off his shoulder.

“You’re lucky I am too worn out for that to affect me,” he replied after a moment finally opening his eyes to meet hers again. He gave her a small smile and she returned it before moving off of him. She reached for her sweater, glad it was long enough to reach her thighs, as he moved to get rid of the condom. She picked up his boxers and held them out to him. He looked at them briefly before taking them with murmured thanks.

“So, um…” she began, her hands running nervously through her hair as she watched him pull on his jeans and shirt. When he was dressed, he looked at her again, his hands sliding into his pockets to show his nervousness. She bit her lip, remembering what Margaery had said earlier, about figuring out where they both stood. She should have listened and then maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward now.

“Jon, this … this thing we’re doing,” she started but found she didn’t know how to say that she wasn’t interested in anything serious. Not that Jon was looking for anything serious either, as far as she could tell, but she felt it should be said.

“We’re two consenting adults just having some fun, right?” he answered, giving her a small smile and she let out a relieved breath, returning his smile.

“Yeah,” she said, her smile widening as she added a flirtatious “That was the best fun I’ve had.”

Jon grinned but she saw him lower his eyes, bashful against her praise. It only made him more handsome and she briefly wondered if she should kiss him and initiate another round. But then he spoke again and his words sucked the breath out of her lungs.

“Same here.”

She stared at him, looking for the lie. He had surely just said it to make her feel better about herself given her spiel about thinking she was awful. Or maybe he felt he had to say it because she had. Yet, Jon wasn’t the type to say something unless he meant it and she felt her cheeks heat up but was surprised at how much pride she felt.

“So, are we…fuck buddies?” she asked, needing clarification. Jon gave a small laugh but catching her confused and insulted look quickly composed himself.

“Sorry, I was laughing at how before we had sex you could barely say bloody and now you’ve said fuck at least three times. Maybe more, I’m not sure. I wasn’t really thinking straight when you said it.” She snorted, rolling her eyes before giving him a pointed look to remind him that he hadn’t answered her question. He cleared his throat and gave a small shrug in response.

“If that’s what you want,” he said.

“Yeah, I think… I think that’s what I need. A bit of fun with someone. If you’re okay with that?” she asked. Jon simply smiled at her again. They stared at each other for a moment before he took a breath, making a show at looking towards her kitchenette where a clock hung above the cooker.

“I should get going,” he said, looking at her again. She nodded and moved to walk with him to her door but then remembered her state of dress and instead hovered by her breakfast counter, shielding her bare legs from any passing neighbours who might want to peek in. He turned to face her as he stepped into the doorway, one hand still braced on the handle.

“See you around Sansa,” he said eventually. She smiled at him.

“I’ll call you,” she replied, hearing him give a small chuckle as he shut the door behind him.

Chapter Text

She groaned, her hand curling into her sheets and her head turned in her pillow. Jon’s hand was grasping the sheets by her head, the other gripping her hip as he pushed into her, over and over and over.

“Urgh,” she gasped, feeling the pleasure coursing through her body as her end neared. She saw Jon’s hand beside her tense at the same time her muscles began to clamp down, heard him curse and felt the harsh exhale of breath on her back as he held her steady, trying to compose himself as she found her release around him.

She could only moan as he pounded into her faster, the glow of her climax making her flop down helplessly. And still, as his hips pumped into her harder, she could feel a slight stir in her belly. She was as surprised as anyone at just how much she had come to enjoy sex with Jon. It certainly helped that she always had at least two orgasms from their meetings, although she was fast approaching her fourth of the evening.

Their arrangement had been going for over a fortnight now and this was the fifth time they had hooked up. But this was the first time, other than the couch that they had done something different to what Sansa was used to. The first few times, had been the usual missionary position that Sansa had always done, although Jon pushing her legs up over his shoulders one time had definitely given her a new perspective on the position. And an intense orgasm to boot.

Jon always let her decide what she wanted to do, waited for her to think about what she wanted to experiment with and stuck with what she was comfortable with in the meantime. The only thing Jon did of his own accord was go down on her. And, well, to be fair, he must have known he couldn’t really go too far wrong with that approach.

She had flushed when she had first asked him to take her from behind but seeing his grey eyes become almost black had been worth the embarrassment. Jon had a way of making her feel sexy and she liked seeing the effect she had on him too.

Jon’s hand moved from her hip, slipping down to her clit. She moaned against the pillow beneath her, felt a thrill at the feeling of Jon hunched over her and the desperate push of his hips as he neared his own release even as his fingers rubbed her towards yet another one of her own.

“Oh gods,” she muttered as she buried her head against the pillow once more, her body alight with pleasure. Jon groaned in response.

“Oh god!” she repeated, her words trailing off in to a moan as she reached her climax again. Jon suddenly tensed above her, pushing deep inside her with a muttered curse followed by her name on his exhale.

She groaned at the loss as he pulled out and flopped down beside her, one arm braced across his forehead as his chest heaved. His eyes were closed and for a brief second, Sansa saw a frown crease between his eyes but it was gone as soon as it appeared and he was suddenly looking at her.

She bit her lip, giving a soft giggle and a huge grin to show she was pleased with how this particular experiment had gone. She managed to push herself up, giving Jon a playful slap on the shoulder as his eyes dropped to her breasts that jiggled with the movement. Jon shrugged helplessly.

“They’re great tits and I’m a guy!” he said defensively as Sansa stood up and made for the door, heading for the bathroom. Sansa rolled her eyes and threw her shirt at his face. He laughed, the sound muffled by the material until he managed to pull it off to look at her again. She shook her head at him as she left the room to use the toilet.

When she returned, Jon was mostly dressed, just about to pull his shirt over his head. He glanced at her in the doorway, his eyes trailing down her naked body. The first couple of times they had hooked up, she had thrown something over herself after they were done, thinking it was helping to mark when their passion ended and their friendship went back to normal. But she had begun to like the way Jon looked at her when she was naked and had begun teasing him relentlessly by parading around her apartment naked after they were done. For his part, Jon usually managed to ignore her teasing albeit with a tense jaw and a brief second of clenched eyes.

So, she was surprised, when he dropped the shirt and unbuttoned his jeans again, shoving them and his boxers down roughly. Her eyes widened as he grabbed her, pulling her up to meet his mouth as his hands grasped her hips.

She gasped as he shoved her down on to the bed, his hands parting her legs enough for him to slide between them, his hardness resting on the softness of her thigh. He threw the top drawer to her bedside cabinet, where she had stored condoms for easy access. Her hands trailed down his back, feeling his muscles tense under her touch as he ripped the foil open and shifted back slightly to put the condom on.

She jerked at the feel of his finger slowly tracing up and down her slit, feeling her wetness before slowly pushing it in.

“Always so wet for me,” he said, pumping his finger in and out. Sansa bit her lip, her hands moving up to his shoulders and digging her nails into his flesh as he pushed another finger inside of her.  “You were soaking when I took you from behind,” he added, his fingers curling inside of her in a way that had her gasping and bucking up against him. She almost came from his next words alone.

“Have I ruined you Sansa Stark?” he whispered, his thumb moving to rub small circles on her clit as his fingers pumped in and out, in and out.

“Yes,” she whimpered, pushing against him, desperate for her release. Because Jon had ruined her, or at least her expectations and inhibitions. He had ruined her delusions of propriety, had revealed just how much she loved him saying such filthy words when he fucked her (and even having her refer to it as fucking rather than the dreamy love-making she had always insisted on calling it, or just sex if she wanted to be technical enough to avoid her friends’ and Arya’s teasing). Even her vibrator was second best these days compared to what Jon could wring out of her. More often than not she had to think of Jon’s cock (Christ, when had she started referring to it as that? That was Jon’s influence too!) inside of her to get her to her release. Jon had ruined her but it was in a good and delicious and exciting way. And she could affect him too, she had learned. She could reduce him to such a fevered state just by cursing or saying just the right thing at the right moment. Which is why she met his eyes with confidence as she added.

“And I love it!”

She whined as his fingers slid out of her only to gasp as he pushed into her with one thrust, his hands on her hips as he pulled her body across the bed to meet his thrusts. He reared back, standing at the edge of the bed while his left hand moved to secure her leg around his hips, his right still holding her right hip as he began a hard, fast pace. Her hands had fallen to the bed from his movement, her fingers grasping the sheets as she began to move with him.

“Fuck, Sansa,” he moaned, hands digging into her flesh and she felt a thrill at how desperate he seemed, how much he seemed to need to be inside of her. He groaned as she tilted her hips, meeting his thrusts, delighting in the way he bent his head to watch himself pumping inside of her, biting his lip as though the sight was going to make him finish at any moment.

His fingers returned to her clit, rubbing her as he continued to thrust into her. Sansa turned her head, teeth biting into her lip as her fingers curled tighter into the sheets beneath her as she felt her climax wash over her, managing to choke out Jon’s name against the bedding she had turned her face into. Jon heard it though, moaning her own name softly as he pushed deep inside of her and tensed with his release. He fell forward, hands falling by her head to help hold himself above her. She felt him slip out of her from the movement.

“Wow,” she muttered eventually after a few moments of the only sound being their heaved breaths and the feel of their beating hearts. Jon exhaled a laugh, his breath puffing on to her neck. Sansa was horrified that despite him going down on her twice in the living room, using his fingers again in the bedroom and then fucking her twice, she was still responding to him. She wondered if she was ruined for sex with anyone else now since Jon had set the standard pretty high.

And that was a problem because Aegon Targaryen, who had been in her classes at university, had been visiting friends in the city. He had come into her work and they had got talking. He had admitted to having a huge crush on her and asked if she wanted to get a coffee sometime. He was actually older than them but had delayed going to university for a couple of years due to a family crisis. Aegon was handsome and charming and funny and Sansa couldn't think of a valid reason not to say no. A date wasn't a relationship. If it went well, it was a confidence boost. If it didn't go well, it didn't matter.

But what the hell was she supposed to do with Jon? Did she go on a date with Aegon first to see how it went before breaking off the arrangement with Jon? Or did she say nothing in case it didn’t go anywhere? Not that Jon would care, she figured. They had agreed this was just a bit of fun and they weren’t in a relationship, they were free to date other people. It was just courtesy for her to give Jon notice.

“I, uh, I have a date tomorrow,” she mumbled. Jon nodded beside her though she couldn’t see his face.

“Yeah, Arya mentioned something about that. Apparently, he is visiting Gendry's brother,” he replied, still not looking at her.

“It is probably not going to go anywhere,” she continued, though she didn’t know why she felt the need to explain. Jon pulled back and moved off of her, giving her a small smile in response to her words but saying nothing. She watched him dispose of the condom and pick up his clothes. She frowned at his back as he pulled his jeans up. It was normal, once they were done for Jon to dress and leave because that was what they agreed made it less awkward. But there was something in the way Jon was dressing, aggressively pulling his shirt over his head and not even looking at her as he reached for his phone on the bedside cabinet. She swallowed against the hurt she felt at his indifference.

“I was going to tell you,” she snapped, thinking he was just annoyed she hadn’t told him like a normal friend would. He glanced up from his phone briefly but then dropped his gaze again, pushing his phone in to his pocket.

“Whatever,” he replied. “I need to go. Have fun on your date tomorrow.”

She blinked as he shut her bedroom door behind him, and flinching when she heard her front door slam. What the hell had just happened?

***

Aegon was Sansa's usual type, someone she would have swooned over in her teenage years. And he was easy to talk to. But for whatever reason, she just didn't feel the romantic spark.

They were sitting in their local Costa café with a cappicino in front of him and a hot chocolate in front of her. They had both asked for the last slice of the lemon meringue pie and had exchanged grins before doing the whole awkward ‘no you have it’ until Aegon suggested they share it.

He asked what she was doing now she had finished university and she had embarrassingly admitted that she still worked at her local newsagents, although not for lack of trying to find a job.

“I really want to be editor in a fashion magazine,” she explained. “But I need more experience writing. My job has allowed me to get subscriptions to papers though so I can keep an eye out for openings. I write a blog in the meantime, just to keep my writing skills sharp, you know?”

Aegon had nodded, seeming genuinely interested and it was nice to feel worthwhile again.

“So,” he began holding the door open for her as they were leaving. “I told you I was visiting my friend.

"Yeah," she smiled.

"Well, he is going to be at a party this weekend and invited me around," he continued, giving a small nervous chuckle. Sansa blinked. Arya was having a party this weekend. She hadn't had her halloween party but now it was over a week ago, she had decided to have just a normal party. Plus, everyone was too poor to go out anyway.

"Was it at Arya Stark's by any chance?"

"Ha, yeah. Your sister?"

"Yes," she grinned. "Well, uh...I'll be there too. it should be fun."

Aegon smiled at her as they came to her bus stop, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. The old woman in the bus stop gave them a small smile and Sansa managed one of her own.

“I’ll look for you there then,” he grinned. “It was lovely to see you again Sansa.”

“You too,” she said, giving him a small wave as he retreated before exhaling sharply. Aegon was nice, he had really seemed interested in her. But Sansa just still didn’t feel that spark, no matter how much she tried to tell herself that Aegon was exactly her type.

Maybe that’s the problem.

***

So? How was it?

Sansa rolled her eyes at Arya’s text, contemplating on how to respond. Sure, the date had been good in most ways. There had been little awkwardness, the conversation had flowed easily and they had shown genuine interest in each other’s lives. But Sansa just wasn’t attracted to him, not enough to picture herself being in a relationship with him. She settled on going for half-truth.

Yeah it was alright.

She sighed as she sent it, her fingers moving the screen up to reveal Jon’s name under Arya’s in her latest messages. Although, the text had been sent yesterday when he had informed her he was on his way. He hadn’t spoken to her since, even though they had spoken every day since their agreement, exchanging jokes in the afternoon to cheer each other up at their work and exchanging memes and theories on each other’s facebooks. It was weird to think that for so long they had barely spoken or acknowledged each other but since that first time she had invited Jon round to hers, he had started initiating conversation to the point where they never went a day without some form of communication. And now it was weird to go back to what it had been before.

Alright? Hmm. Maybe you are getting back into dating too soon. 

Sansa sighed again, guilty at the fact that getting involved with Jon was probably not going to be any better in Arya's eyes, even if it was a casual thing. She quickly typed out a reply, stating  that it didn’t matter and she was fine either way before shoving her phone across the counter out of her reach before she moved to put the kettle on. As she moved about the kitchen, her phone buzzed and she wondered what Arya wanted now, but then it kept buzzing and she realised someone was phoning her. Frowning, she picked up her phone to see Jon’s name on the screen. She contemplated not answering after his sulk yesterday, but then wouldn’t that make it worse?

“Yes?” she answered with fake cheer. She heard Jon inhale sharply on the other end.

“I’m sorry,” he said and her eyebrows rose, waiting for him to explain. Then realising he couldn’t see her, she spoke herself.

“Oh, what for?”

“For being such an ass last night I… well it was uncalled for. My head is a mess right now and I’m taking it out on you.”

“What is wrong?” she asked, genuinely concerned he was seemingly going through tough times but he muttered that it didn’t matter. She bit her lip, fingers twirling in her hair as she asked. “Do you want to come over?”

He exhaled slowly and Sansa straightened up, already looking to check her appearance in the mirror when his reply startled her. “No.”

“What?” she responded in shock, wincing at the harsh tone she had used without realising it.

“I can’t Sansa, not right now.”

“Jon, you can tell me what is bothering you,” she insisted, her insult of his rejection soothed a little in the knowledge that he probably hadn’t meant it like that, he was just not wanting to bother her with his problems.

“You’re a good friend Sansa,” he replied but it sounded dull to her ears. She frowned, ready to demand that he starts talking to her when he said. “I have to go. I just wanted to apologise to you. I hope your date went well.”

He hung up before she could respond, leaving her staring at her phone in confusion.

***

“Oh, thank god!” Arya exclaimed when she answered the door to see Sansa. “I think Robb is about to do his embarrassing big brother act with Aegon!”

Sansa raised an eyebrow at her sister as she stepped into the flat and made for the living room where the guests were gathered. And there was Robb speaking to Aegon, his eyes narrowed and chest pumped up. Jeyne walked by and patted his shoulder affectionately. Robb managed to look away from Aegon long enough to check out his wife’s ass but then quickly returned to glare at Aegon. For his part, Aegon sipped his beer as though he hadn’t noticed and Sansa had to say it was an impressive approach. Although, she was sure Robb was going to pop a vein in his forehead shortly at this rate. She stepped up to them, leaning up to give her big brother a kiss on the cheek.

“What are you two talking about?” she asked brightly, watching Robb’s cheeks colour. Aegon gave a shrug.

“Nothing,” Robb muttered.

“He wants to know my intentions towards his sister,” Aegon said at the same time. Sansa laughed, squeezing Robb’s shoulder affectionately as her brother glared at Aegon for outing him. As if he had even been subtle when it came to his little sisters though. The only reason he hadn’t caused much of a fuss with Gendry once he met him was he was probably smart enough to realise Gendry could totally knock him out with a punch. And then Arya would knock him out again with her own.

“That is sweet,” she cooed at Robb and he shrugged his shoulders to remove her hands from him.

“Alright, alright!” he muttered but he was smiling at her now. Sansa patted his shoulder before moving through to the kitchen to get a drink

She was pouring herself a peach schnapps and cranberry juice when Jon came up beside her, nudging her with his hip and giving her a small smile.

“Hey,” he said softly. She managed a small smile back.

“Hey yourself, you feeling better?” she asked, reaching up to the cupboard to get a straw. Jon’s eyes dropped to where her top rode up to reveal her skin.

“Yeah,” he replied when she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m good now thanks. I…”

“Hey Jon, do you want a beer?”

Sansa turned to look at the blonde woman who had appeared in the kitchen and gone towards the fridge. She had long legs that she was showing off with her black mini-skirt. And when she turned again, Sansa got an eyeful of her chest. The woman tossed her long hair over her shoulder as she approached Jon with a teasing smirk. He took the beer she offered him before she finally looked at Sansa, who had clamped her lips tightly around her straw in order to stop herself asking Jon who the fuck this woman was.

“Hey, I’m Val,” the woman said brightly, extending a hand. Sansa took a long suck of her drink, popping her lips loudly as she gave Jon a sideways glance. But Sansa always remembered her manners.

“Sansa,” she said brightly, taking the woman’s hand. “I love your outfit. But if I had a body like that, I would show it off too.” And the sad thing was, she actually meant it. This woman was stunning and confident enough to show it.

Val laughed, waving the compliment away with her hand. “That is sweet. You’re pretty though. I bet the boys are queuing up for you.”

“Val, can you give us a minute?” Jon asked suddenly, setting his beer down. Both Sansa and Val turned to face him with raised eyebrows.

“No no, I have to find Aegon anyway!” she replied, moving past Val. She didn’t know why but she hoped the mention of Aegon would wind Jon up. How dare he bring a date here? Weren’t they supposed to agree on these things first? She was mad he had kept it from her, after his reaction to her not telling him about Aegon as well. And well, she technically hadn't come here with Aegon but she wasn't going to let that stop her!

“Woah Stark, slow down!” Ygritte said with a laugh as she emerged from the living room, holding Sansa’s shoulders as she marched purposely towards the room. “Who are you murdering?”

“Nobody. Just, can you move?” Sansa snapped and Ygritte raised an eyebrow. “Please,” Sansa added. She always remembered her manners, even when she was mad. Her mother would be so proud of her.

“Alright,” Ygritte said, holding her hands up and stepping aside as she made her way towards the kitchen. Sansa turned.

“Oh, Jon and Val are in there.”

She was surprised at how vicious the words had come out. Ygritte paused, looking at Sansa over her shoulder with a small frown but Sansa turned quickly into the living room before she could see what Ygritte was going to do.

“You alright?” Aegon asked. Sansa nodded, taking another long suck of her drink. She caught Jeyne frowning in her direction, mouthing 'are you okay?' even as she tried to listen to what Robb was whispering in her ear. Sansa nodded, managing a smile. Myranda threw her a wink as she passed behind Aegon’s back after her eyes had lingered on his ass for a few seconds.

“Sansa!” she heard Margaery squeal before her friend’s arms were around her neck and her arms clasped above her chest. Sansa managed a small smile, managing to adjust the grip on her glass to avoid spilling her drink. “Come dance with me,” Margaery muttered, flashing Aegon an apologetic grin. Sansa managed an apologetic shrug as she allowed her friend to pull her back into the space that had been created for dancing.

“Sansa, Sansa, Sansa!” her friend chimed and Sansa wondered just how much Margaery had had to drink. “What the fuck is going on girl?”

Sansa managed a laugh, finishing her drink with a long slurp and placing the empty glass on the table beside her. Margaery was tossing her hair about as she shook her hips, lost in the music but her eyes were still on Sansa, waiting for an explanation. Yet Sansa didn’t know what she was wanting to know.

“What do you mean?” she asked eventually when her friend didn’t elaborate. Margaery rolled her eyes, clearly thinking she was being obvious.

“With Jon, silly! Are you two together?”

“Yeah, well we were hooking up but now we’re dating people so…”

Well, she hadn't told Aegon she wasn't interested in another date so that wasn't a lie.

Margaery stopped dancing suddenly, her eyes narrowing as she looked at Sansa. “Hold up, what?”

“Well, I had a date with Aegon last Sunday and it went well,” Sansa explained, exaggerating how well the date was going in order to stop herself thinking of how well Jon’s was clearly going, if Val already knew the flat then she must have been here with Jon at least once. The thought made her sick from his deception. “And well, he’s hit it off with Val so it … what are you laughing at?”

For Margaery had literally shrieked in laughter, causing the entire living room to pause and look in their direction. Her friend was doubled over, her hand holding her stomach while her other hand grasped Sansa’s shoulder for support. It took a couple of minutes for her to compose herself and thankfully the attention of the room had moved on by then. Margaery straightened up, wiping both her eyes with her hands as she took a few deep breaths.

“Honey,” she started before stopping to let a few more chuckles out. “Val is gay!”

“Huh?” was all Sansa could respond before Aegon approached her with a drink. She eyed it warily, thinking he had brought her a vodka cranberry even though she hated the drink and only ever had cranberry juice with peach schnapps. But she would drink it to be polite, maybe Margaery would steal it from her later.

“Oh!” she said in surprise at the familiar taste. She looked at Aegon in surprise. “How did you know I like peach schnapps and cranberry?” she asked, impressed. Aegon gave a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t. I was making you a vodka cranberry when Jon told me you hated it. He was the one who made the drink actually but told me to take the credit,” he explained, with a small smile. “But I can’t lie to save my life.”

“Oh,” Sansa replied dumbly. Margaery raised a brow but said nothing. Jon emerged in the room again, glancing over to her but then quickly looking away, moving over to speak with Robb and Sam. Sansa tried to listen to what Aegon was telling her about his sister's wedding but her eyes kept drifting over to where Jon was standing. Ygritte appeared, going straight for Jon, her hand trailing his shoulder in a gesture that spoke of intimacy. Jon glanced at her, a small smile appearing on his lips as he tilted his head to hear whatever Ygritte was whispering to him. Sansa frowned, her hand gripping her glass tighter as Jon laughed, his head tilting back and Ygritte was giving him a smug smile.

Sansa had a sudden urge to walk over there and kiss Jon in front of her.

“Sansa?”

She jerked, her guilty gaze returning to Aegon who was looking at her with concern. Margaery was frowning as she looked to where Sansa had been looking, her brown eyes meeting Sansa’s again and giving her a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

“No,” Aegon laughed. “I noticed.”

“Sorry,” she said, giving him a bright smile. “Tell me the story again.”

She managed to pay more attention this time, only glancing Jon’s way a few times but more often than not able to respond appropriately to Aegon’s cues. When he left to refill their drinks, Sansa looked across the room again, eyes narrowing on Ygritte as she rested her arm on Jon’s shoulder while she spoke to Robb and Jeyne. Jeyne glanced over to her before looking back to Jon with concerned eyes and that confused Sansa even more because really, what would she have to be concerned about? Jon was clearly going to have Ygritte for company tonight and that was fine with her.

Absolutely, positively fine.

“Here we are,” Aegon said brightly. Sansa grinned, chinking her glass with Aegon’s beer bottle. The noise caused Jon to glance over at her again, eyes narrowing when she stepped a little closer to Aegon. She raised a brow at him over Aegon’s shoulder before forcing herself to look away, focussing her whole attention on Aegon for the rest of the night.

***

She had really tried to like Aegon enough to give him a chance romantically. But after their second date, excluding the party, she still wasn’t feeling it. And so, she had called him to meet (because she wasn’t a coward) and tell him that she was really sorry but she just didn’t see it working. He had nodded, given her a small smile and wished her good luck, although she had no idea what he had meant with that, assuming he had meant with her career dreams.

She hadn’t seen Jon since the party a week later. She had asked Arya over lunch if Ygritte and Jon were back together and Arya had snorted, looking at her as if her sister had grown two heads. Sansa didn’t think it was a ridiculous question, given the way they had been acting at the party but she couldn’t deny she felt happy at the revelation.

She was really needing a good lay after all.

And she wanted to apologise to Jon for being horrible to him when she thought he had brought Val as a date. She wanted to entice him and focus on him for a change. It was what gave her the confidence to take a photo of herself, just the top of her breasts, straining against the lacy black material of her bra, and send it to him. She added a cheeky message.

The girls miss you ;)

Her phone buzzed not even a moment later.

Yeah?

She grinned, glad he was responding so easily given how long they had gone not speaking. She was about to ask him to come over and take care of her when her phone buzzed again. She frowned at his response.

Aegon not there to take care of it?

Surely, he had known that Aegon hadn’t been a serious thing, they had only exchanged that one kiss on the cheek after their first date after all.

I ended it. It wasn’t serious, we never even kissed.

She didn’t know why she felt she needed to explain all of this to Jon. Maybe being honest would restore their friendship again. She knew now that she would tell him of her potential dates and their progress in the future to avoid this feeling of betrayal growing between them.

Sorry.

She snorted, rolling her eyes that he couldn’t sound less sorry if he tried. She bit her lip as she tapped out a reply.

So… are you coming?

She grinned as she added.

Pun intended.

Chapter Text

She threw a robe over herself when she heard the buzzer to her flat going. She loosely tied the rope around herself as she raced to the door. She opened the robe a little at the top to reveal her cleavage and a tiny part of her bra before reaching for the door handle. She pressed one hand to her hip, the other braced on the door as she forced herself to meet Jon’s gaze.

He swallowed thickly as his gaze dropped to her chest before travelling down to the hem of her robe, resting above mid-thigh and short enough to show she couldn’t have much more than her underwear on.

“I’ve missed you,” she said and she meant it. She had missed talking to him and exchanging stupid jokes with him and discussing their theories for their favourite shows. And she had missed the sex too of course.

“Have you?” he replied, his eyes returning to her face. It sounded a genuine question, like he wasn’t quite sure if she meant it and it made Sansa frown, moving slightly from the door as if to remind him that he still hadn’t come in.

“Of course, I did,” she huffed, insulted he could think that she could shun him aside after everything, as though she hadn’t come to care for him as one of her best friends. Jon looked at her for a long moment before he gave her a small smile.

“Yeah, I missed you too,” he said softly before finally moving into the flat. She closed the door, finally happy they were going back to normal again. Still, she felt they should clear the air and re-establish the agreement so as to avoid more hurt and confusion in the future.

“So, I think we’re learned something from this whole thing,” she said brightly, moving to the fridge to get him a beer. Jon raised an eyebrow at her as he took the bottle she offered, a signal for her to continue. “We need to be more honest so from now on, we tell each other if we are going on dates -” Jon paused from his drink, bottle raised against his pursed lips. “or if we’re planning fucking anyone else,” she finished, thinking specifically of how Ygritte behaved with Jon at Arya’s party. They might not be together but that didn’t necessarily mean that they weren’t fucking.

Jon put the beer bottle down in front of him as he frowned at the table. “You …” he paused, exhaling a long breath through his nose. Something that he did a lot when he was irritated, she had noticed.  “Are you planning on fucking many other people?” he asked, finally levelling her with a glare. Sansa narrowed her own eyes in response.

“I don’t know. I suppose it’s only fair though. I mean, if you’re fucking Ygritte then I get a back-up too!” she hissed. Jon’s brow creased in confusion and he opened his mouth to say something. But Sansa cut him off and in a moment of spite she added. “Maybe I shouldn’t have called it off with Aegon. Although, I hear Theon has got quite a big…”

Jon grabbed her and shoved his mouth onto hers before she could finish, his tongue forcing her lips apart as he pushed her back into the breakfast counter. She wound her hands into his hair, pulling roughly until he broke the kiss with a hiss. He grabbed her hips, roughly sitting her down on the edge of the breakfast counter.

His hands wrenched her robe apart, revealing her matching black underwear set. She was ready for him to go for her breasts and had reached to unclasp her bra. But instead, Jon went straight for her underwear shoving them down her legs.

She gasped at how quickly he kneeled in front of her, how rough his tongue was on her. She moaned and keened as he flicked his tongue against her, his pace harder and faster than he ever had done before, almost as though he was trying to force his tongue to become a part of her. Her hands wound in his hair as she fought against the sensations but she could only pant helplessly against his assault as he continued and she could feel herself coming, the wail breaking past her lips as her hands gripped his hair tight and her legs grew taught around him. She flopped backwards helplessly, wincing at the hard surface against her back.

She had barely registered him opening the condom packet and putting one on. She was still in a slight daze when he flipped her round, tilting her hips up and entered her in a single thrust. She choked at the feel of him, the rough material of his jeans telling her he hadn’t even undressed and her hands clenched in front of her as he began a hard pace, his hips flush against her backside as he moved again and again and again.

She moaned helplessly, her hands unclenching only to reach across the surface in front of her, as though searching for something to grab onto and get control over the sensations she was going through. But all she could feel was Jon’s cock ruthlessly pushing into her and the sound of her wetness around him. And she wondered briefly if he fucked Ygritte like this, if they had done this at the party, hard and fast so as to get it done without being caught. The thought made her hiss.

“Seems like I’m big enough for you sweetheart,” he panted harshly as his hands moved to rest by her head and gods, if she didn’t love how powerful it made him seem and how wet it made her in response.

“Mmmm,” she moaned, letting him have his ego boost, letting him fuck his injured pride out. Well, she thought to herself as the image of him and Ygritte came to mind again, she could do that too. And she felt a great delight at the choked sound he made as she squeezed her inner muscles around him, causing his rhythm to falter.

“Are you?” she asked tauntingly, pushing herself up onto her hands to give her the strength to push back against him, following her question with another squeeze. He hissed, his hands digging into her hips and shoving them down against him.

“Yeah,” he managed to pant out, his pace changing in order to pump his cock deliberately slowly inside of her, making her feel every inch as he withdrew and pushed back in and then out, in and then out. Sansa gasped, her cheeks flushing because this, this seemed dirtier than the animalistic style they had just been doing. Almost like he was proving a point and wanted her to remember just how big he was and how it felt to have his cock inside of her.

He hunched over her again, his hands still holding her hips and guiding them to meet his thrusts. Sansa bit her lip, feeling the start of her climax, feeling her muscles begin to tighten and then his breath against her ear caused her to tremble.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he whispered harshly. “You love my cock, Sansa.”

He kept his hands on her hips, fucking her slowly through her climax as she gasped and shook against the counter. She knew he probably intended to try to fuck her into another climax but she had come to realise when Jon was close and she was feeling petty, still thinking of what he may have done with Ygritte. She wanted to prove a point that she could reduce him to a quivering mess as much as he could do to her. It was why she found her response so easy to say.

“Yeah I do. But not as much as you love my cunt!”

“Urghh,” Jon groaned in shock at her words. His hips stuttered uncontrollably and he suddenly tensed above her with a choked off moan. She couldn’t help but smirk at her achievement.

For a moment, the room was filled with their harsh breathing. Sansa pressed her flushed cheek to the cool material of the counter and briefly closed her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

“I never fucked Ygritte at the party,” Jon said suddenly, his head so close to her own as he held it above her shoulders. Sansa opened her eyes and exhaled sharply, unable to explain the rush of relief that filled her. “I won’t ever fuck Ygritte again. I won’t fuck anyone but you as long as we’re doing this.”

“Okay,” she responded dumbly because she honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say. Jon sighed, finally moving off of her and she heard him moving to the bin to dispose of the condom. She remained against the counter for a moment until she felt him touch her hip gently.

“You okay?” he asked softly. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, I liked it. Even though I don’t know what it was about,” she responded honestly, trailing off with a laugh at her naivety as she finally managed to straighten up and look at him. Jon smiled, his hand moving to brush her hair over her shoulder. Sansa followed the movement, swallowing at how intimate it seemed, which was ridiculous considering she had lost count of how many times he had been inside of her by now.

She grabbed her pants quickly and made her way to the bathroom for her usual clean up routine. She smiled at Jon as she returned and he managed to give her a small smile in return but it seemed as though something was still bothering him.

“So…uh…you weren’t serious about fucking Theon, right?”

Sansa snorted, giving him a pointed look. “I would never be that desperate. Even if Theon was the last man on earth, I would just live with a vibrator for the rest of my days.”

Jon gave a small laugh before he looked at her again, his feet shuffling. “And…do you have… any more dates lined up?”

“No… I think … I don’t think I’m ready to get back into dating yet,” she replied. Jon nodded, his eyes downcast and his hands in his pockets. She spoke again after a moment of silence, trying to sort out something that still bothered her too. “You said you didn’t fuck Ygritte and I believe you but the way she was at the party …”

“Ygritte is a flirt,” he responded with a shrug. “And I was feeling pretty sorry for myself so it was nice to have the attention. But she knows that I’m not interested anymore.”

“Because of this?” she asked, unsure of how she felt about this new information. Jon’s lips twitched for a brief second before he ducked his head, giving it a small shake.

“No, not because we’re fuck buddies,” he replied. Sansa frowned but then he looked up again, looking past her at the clock and Sansa spoke before he could say he was leaving.

“Stay,” she whispered. Jon’s eyes widened slightly, his gaze boring into her own and she managed a coy smile as she continued. “I’m not done with you.”

“Oh?” he asked, his eyebrows rising slightly in curiosity. Sansa bit her lip, moving around the counter and stalking towards him. Jon watched her, his eyebrows rising further as she placed her hands on his hips and started guiding him backwards towards the couch.

She pressed her mouth to his as she gently pushed him onto the couch, moving to straddle him. He groaned softly, his right hand buried itself in her hair while his left held her hip, thumb stroking the skin tenderly.

Sansa broke the kiss to move her lips to the side of his mouth. She felt his lips twitch at the movement and she moved her face higher, rubbing her cheek against his stubble as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, up beside his eye and then finally moving to give his earlobe a playful bite.

Jon groaned again, his hand on her hip tightening slightly. He moved his head, trying to capture her lips again but she moved back, flashing him a teasing smile as he huffed. Her fingers moved down the material of his shirt, watching Jon’s throat bob as his eyes dropped to follow her movement. She pushed the material up and let her hand trace the skin of his stomach, feeling him tense as her fingers teasingly traced the hem of his jeans.

She watched his pupils dilate as she popped the button of his jeans, slipping her hand down into his underwear to grasp him. He groaned, eyes drifting shut and head falling back against the sofa as she felt him begin to harden in her hand. She moved her hand slowly up and down the length of him, watching his throat bob on a strained swallow. She grinned at the power she had over him. If he was this helpless when she was giving him a mediocre hand job (because she was only wanting to get him hard, not even trying to get him to finish) she couldn’t wait to see him crumble when she took his cock in her mouth.

“You alright, big boy?” she whispered, biting his earlobe as her hand continued moving. Jon choked out a moan, cock jerking in her hand as if acknowledging her praise. She grinned, finally moving back to kneel in front of him. Jon’s eyes flew open as she moved to pull his jeans down but she was surprised when he moved to grab her shoulders, pushing her back slightly. She frowned up at him in hurt confusion.

“I really, really, really want you to,” he said with a nervous laugh. “But I’d rather shower before I have my cock in your mouth.”

She blinked, mouth forming a pout and she was surprised at how disappointed she felt at the idea of not giving him a blow job right now. But then she grinned, looking up at him through her lashes.

“You can shower here,” she said coyly, fingers tracing patterns in the material over his thighs. She felt him tense, watched him swallow thickly.

“Ghost,” he muttered. “I can’t stay here for long.”

She huffed in response, moving away from him and sitting with her back against her coffee table. Jon moved forward, his teeth biting into his lip as he seemed to think about his neck words. She watched him as he ran a hand in his hair before looking at her again.

“You could come over to mine,” he suggested eventually. Sansa raised an eyebrow in response.

“And have Arya ask what I am doing there?”

“Arya is at Gendry’s and Sam is at Gilly’s. They won’t be back until tomorrow.”

She bit her lip, tempted with the offer. They had fucked almost everywhere in Sansa’s place, she could even add the kitchen counter to that list now. But Jon’s place was new and exciting and she couldn’t deny that although she really didn’t want to have an awkward conversation with Arya, the thought that they might be caught still thrilled her.

“Alright,” she said, moving to stand. “Let me get dressed.”

Jon snorted. “Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend going around Glasgow in your underwear.”

She poked her tongue out at him as she quickly went into her room. She quickly unclasped her bra, moving to get a new set out of underwear from her drawer. She knew that Jon liked black so she took the last pair and then grabbed her favourite blue ones, shoving them into her cardigan pocket. Just in case she stayed over in the morning and needed a clean pair. She shoved her travel hairbrush in her pocket too, she would definitely need that given the state her hair got into after their trysts.

She quickly pulled some leggings on, throwing her grey wool dress over the top and her favourite blue cardigan. She put her thick socks on and gave herself a quick squirt of her favourite perfume before grabbing her phone.

Jon was waiting by the door when she emerged, watching her as she threw her hair into a ponytail and he handed over her jacket which was hanging on the hook beside the door. She quickly shoved her feet in her boots and then paused, biting her lip.

“You alright?” Jon asked, hand braced on the door handle. She nodded slowly.

“Yeah… um… would it be weird to take my toothbrush?” she asked. She wanted to laugh, she had had no problem shoving spare underwear in her pocket but taking her toothbrush seemed to be crossing a boundary. Jon blinked, his shoulders jerking in a small shrug.

“If you want to,” he responded but she saw him swallow before she turned to go to the bathroom. She placed her toothbrush in its travelling case, smiling nervously at Jon when she re-emerged into the corridor. Jon returned it, moving to open the door.

“Got everything?” he asked, holding the door open with his back against it and his car keys hanging from his pointer finger. Sansa grabbed her keys and purse from the counter and glanced around the room quickly before nodding.

“Think so,” she said, following him out of the door. He waited as she locked it, pushing it to double check. His hands were shoved in his pockets again as they silently walked down the corridor to the stairwell. Sansa only lived two floors up in the building so they were outside pretty quickly, the cold November air, hitting her cheeks and making her pull her jacket closers to her. She shoved her hands in her pockets to try and shield them from the cold as they walked in unison to where Jon’s black Corsa was parked at the end of the street.

Once inside the car, Jon pressed the button to get the heating on. Sansa buckled her belt and sat back, trying to keep her hands steady. She tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter that they were going to be having sex at Jon’s place this time and that it didn’t change anything. Yet, in some ways, it did. Jon was a very private person and while Arya and Sam may well have plans tonight, there was still a chance that they could get caught by them. And it was still Arya and Sam’s place too so she didn’t feel comfortable having sex everywhere so they would have to stay in Jon’s bed.

But it was too late to turn back now as Jon turned his car down the street to his flat. Sansa managed to swallow down her nerves with a smile as Jon turned off the ignition and leaned back in his seat. She watched his jaw tense and moved to take his hand without thinking. Jon’s eyes flew to their joined hands before his wide gaze jerked up to hers.

“Its fine,” she murmured. Jon swallowed, gently removing his hand from hers.

“Yeah, just …this is weird. It is different but it isn’t,” he said with a laugh. Sansa joined him.

“I was thinking the same thing. Do you want me to go home?”

“No,” he said quickly, giving a nervous cough to cover how desperate he sounded. Sansa grinned at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Is that because you don’t want to turn down the chance to have your cock in my mouth?” she teased.

“Not going to lie, that is a big part of it,” he replied with a grin but then his smile softened a little. “But, also, I just like spending time with you.”

She blinked at him, confused at the words but feeling a flush of happiness at them too. Jon broke the moment, moving to get out of the car suddenly and Sansa sucked in a breath, following him up the stairs to the door. Jon pressed the button to lock his car and then pressed the code in.

They wandered up the stairs in silence, three floors and then the third flat along. Jon stood aside as he unlocked the door, allowing her to enter. Ghost, Jon’s albino huskey came bounding out of the living room, bumping his head against Sansa’s hip and giving her a few sniffs as Jon closed the door. He tossed his keys into the bowl on the table by the door and Ghost came to him to get a pat on the head while Sansa pulled her jacket off. He took it and hung it up on by the door.

“Uh, so I’m gonna go and have a quick shower,” he said, his eyes lowering and Sansa gave him a teasing smile. “Just help yourself to whatever…you know where everything is. If you want to have a drink or something…my room is the last one on the right.”

He moved to the cupboard to get a towel and threw her a small smile as he closed the bathroom door behind him. Sansa had contemplated asking to join him but she figured Jon would likely explode at the thought of her giving him head in the shower. The idea made her giggle and for once she didn’t feel embarrassed about the fact that Jon clearly wanted her and she wanted him.

And while she did really want Jon to fall apart under her tongue like he made her, she also wanted to have him beg. And she couldn’t do that if he finished as soon as a wet, naked Sansa kneeled in front of him and took him into her mouth.

She remembered when Jon had asked her if he had ruined her while he had  had his fingers inside of her. She bit her lip as she went for Jon’s room, hearing the water running through the bathroom door and imagining how good Jon would look under the spray. She had to say, given the way her thoughts had been going lately and the fact she had come to actively seek sex, that Jon had definitely ruined her.

She opened Jon’s bedroom door, biting back a laugh at the assault of black on her eyes. Ghost followed her through, going to the little bed in the corner. She pulled her off her shoes before she shrugged her cardigan off, hanging it over the chair by his desk. She pulled her dress up, placing it on the chair as well and then shoving her leggings off her legs. She bit her lip as she heard the water turn off, moving to sit on the bed.

She let herself lean back on her hands, her ponytail hanging over her left shoulder and she crossed her legs teasingly as she heard the bathroom door open and his footsteps outside. She gave him a grin as he opened the door, his hand freezing on the handle as he looked at her. Sansa flushed at the attention as her own eyes dropped to the towel around his waist. She quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Might be difficult to proceed with that,” she joked. Jon laughed, whistling at Ghost who stood and left the room, heading back towards the living room.

“Yeah, well force of habit when you live with others not to go around with your cock out,” he explained as he untied it. Sansa’s eyes remained focussed on his hands as the towel dropped. She licked her lips subconsciously as his cock was revealed, already half hard. Jon sucked in a breath as he moved towards the bed, cupping her cheeks in his hand as he kissed her.

Sansa leaned back, allowing Jon to follow the movement and lie on top of her. She really liked Jon’s kisses. She moaned against him, her hands trailing a path down his back and settling on his ass, teasingly pushing him into her. Jon groaned softly, breaking the kiss but pressing a quick peck against her lips. Sansa took advantage of his moment of pliant affection to wind her legs around him and twist them so he was on his back.

She grinned at his expression of shock and lust before she moved to kiss him again. Jon wound a hand in her hair, something he loved to do in their moments she had come to realise. His other hand gently grasped her hip and she threw a leg over him, rubbing her still covered mound against him. Both hands grasped her hips at the movement, his head tilting back. She grinned, her hands running down his chest. She let her fingers brush across his nipples, relishing in the sudden buck of Jon’s hips at the touch.

“Hmm,” Sansa teased, leaning over to tease one with her tongue. Jon’s hands tightened on her as he groaned. “Almost as sensitive as mine. I see why you like playing with my tits so much.”

“Fuck Sansa,” Jon chocked out, his eyes flying open to meet her triumphant gaze. He gave his head a small shake even as he grinned. “I’ve unleashed a monster!”

“You’ve ruined me,” she reminded him, kissing a trail along his chest to the other nipple. She chanced a glance at him and saw his eyes almost black at her words. Seemed he liked the thought of her becoming a sexy minx for him. She grinned as she gave the other nipple a teasing flick of her tongue.

She moved downwards, her lips leaving light kisses as she reached his belly button, shifting her body so she could get a better angle. She pushed his legs apart slightly, his cock bobbing at the movement, seeking her attention. She looked up at him again as she pressed her lips to his thigh, a cheeky reminder of how he always teases her. Jon huffed, his hands moving as though to go for her head but falling to the sheets instead, grasping them tightly.

“What do you want Jon?” she asked, deliberately throwing the words he always used on her back at him as she moved her mouth closer to the head of his cock. Jon groaned, his eyes clenching shut and his knuckles going white. Still, he was as stubborn as her sometimes. But like he could undo her with filthy words, she knew she could do the same to him. “Do you want me to suck your cock?”

“Fuck,” he gasped followed by a choked. “Yes!”

She took pity on him pressing a kiss to his head that had his hips bucking. She looked up at him again, flushing when her own eyes met his own, the pupils blown so wide it practically swallowed the grey. She forced herself to maintain eye contact as she let her tongue dart out, licking from base to tip. She did that a couple of times before her hand grasped the base as she engulfed the head of his cock in her mouth. Jon gasped, his cheeks flushing and still, his eyes watching as her mouth worked on him.

“Fuck Sansa!” Jon moaned as she hummed around him, his eyes rolling back as she hallowed her cheeks. She held his hips down, moving her mouth in a rhythm that soon had Jon writher beneath her, his curls tossing from the movement of his head as he buried it against his pillow.

“Urgh fuck Sansa, I’m …I’m gonna…” he gasped, his hands flying to her head on instinct as he bucked up against her. Sansa hummed again, the vibration the last straw as Jon choked out her name again as he spilled in her mouth.

Sansa swallowed quickly, gently licking at him as she released him. Jon collapsed on the bed, one hand still in her hair and the other falling on the pillow above his head as he tried to compose himself. She reared up, flashing him a teasing smile when he opened his eyes again to look at her.

“Good?” she asked. Jon scoffed.

“Best fucking blowjob of my life,” he responded, pulling her into a kiss.

He flipped them over again suddenly, breaking their kiss with a teasing smile as his hand traced down her neck. She shivered at the touch and bit her lip as she felt the hand settle on her breasts, his fingers dipping under the material to tease her nipple. She moaned as his finger traced gentle circles around the sensitive flesh and he grinned.

“Your turn,” he smirked.

***

Sansa awoke to the feel of Jon’s arm around her waist and his leg thrown over her hip while his breath was steady on her neck. She frowned slightly, unsure how they had come to such a position when they had collapsed on opposite sides of the bed after Jon had gone down on her … twice. She was confused at the intimacy but couldn’t deny it felt nice, especially on cold mornings like this. She raised her head slightly to see Jon’s alarm clock’s neon numbers flashing brightly in front of her. It was six thirty. She knew she should probably get going soon but Jon’s bed was warm and she was still tired after everything that had happened last night. She closed her eyes briefly, telling herself it was just a little while longer and she would get up and leave.

It felt like only a couple of minutes later when she heard the front door open and close. Jon jerked awake beside her, his body tensing as he realised the position they were in. Sansa chose to ignore it, looking up at the clock again.

10.04

Well, shit.

“Jon?” Arya’s voice called out. Sansa froze, her wide eyes turning to look at Jon.

“She won’t come in my room,” he whispered before calling out towards the door. “Yeah?”

“Just checking if you were here,” Arya responded before they heard her disappear down the corridor. Sansa ran a hand through her hair.

“Fuck,” she hissed, throwing the covers off and reaching for her clothes. She grabbed the spare underwear she had brought, wrenching her legs through the holes of her pants as Jon slowly rose, still rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Don’t worry,” he said and Sansa whirled round to glare at him as she shoved her bra on. “Arya has work in two hours. She won’t be out of her room for at least another hour, she has an adjoining bathroom remember.”

Sansa huffed as she threw her dress on and grabbed her cardigan.

“Hey Jon?” Arya called again from the direction of the living room. “You got a sec?”

“Uh, sure!” Jon called back, rising to shove some boxers on and his jeans. Sansa hovered back, making sure she couldn’t be seen from the door as Jon threw on a shirt and walked into the corridor, closing the door behind him.

“So, how come there is a woman’s jacket hanging up here?” came Arya’s voice and Sansa was glad she had only bought the jacket two days previous and Arya wouldn’t recognise it as hers. “Jon Snow, do you have a girl in your room?”

“Arya, can we not …don’t you have to get ready for work?”

“You’re not getting out of this that easy!” she said, her voice and footsteps closer, telling Sansa that Arya was at least retreating to her room. “We are so talking about this. Sam will explode at the thought of you having a hook up.”

“Go and get ready for work already!” he called after her.

“Is she a redhead?” Arya asked, her laugh cut off as she closed the door. Jon entered the room a second later, a bashful smile on his face.

“Sorry,” he muttered, glancing out into the corridor. “Coast is clear.”

She nodded, moving past him quickly and tip-toeing past Arya’s room. She grabbed her jacket, turning to Jon as she opened the door. Jon’s face was unreadable as she gave him an apologetic smile and she told herself that was why she leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Just to let him know that she wasn’t angry at him for Arya bursting their moment.

“I’ll call you,” she whispered, quickly running down the hall and wondering what Margaery and Myranda would say if they caught her doing the walk of shame from Jon’s place.

Chapter Text

The next few days were so hectic, Sansa barely had time to sleep let alone contact Jon.

She had to hide her brand-new jacket away for a little while, in case Arya came around and recognised it. So, Sansa had then trailed through Glasgow on her day off, looking through charity shops for a cheap replacement.

She had then been working the next three days in a row but one colleague was on holiday and the other phoned in sick, meaning Sansa was left to do the full shift, from open to close three days straight and was catching her breaks when she could. She would be doing the same for her next three shifts at least.

Her feet were already killing her.

And she had promised she would adjust Jeyne's favourite dress by the weekend and she also had to sew her own sweater that had a hole in the armpit. On top of that, she had been applying for jobs and apprenticeships in the spare moments she had at home. As a result, she was barely eating as she tried to keep up with it all. She was supposed to be going Christmas shopping the next day but she couldn't be bothered now. It was only mid-November, still plenty of time to get organised.

She huffed as she finally entered the flat, falling against the door in exhaustion and kicking off her shoes. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep for the rest of the week. Or a glass of wine, wine sounded good right now. But she decided she should probably stick to tea, given the fact she hadn’t eaten anything substantial all day.

She jumped at the sound of her phone and dug through her bag to pull it out, smiling at Jon's name on the screen.

"Hey, you!"

"Sansa," he all but whispered. She frowned to herself at how panicky his voice was as she moved from the door and round the breakfast counter to put the kettle on. "I've been worried about you."

"Huh?" was all she could respond, balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear as she opened the fridge to grab the milk. She frowned at how empty the fridge was, realising shopping was something else she would need to sort out.

"I haven't heard anything from you since you stayed over," Jon explained. "I thought maybe you had freaked out with Arya being there. And how we woke up..." he trailed off nervously.

"Oh!" she said with a laugh pouring the water over her teabag. "No, I mean yeah, it was weird but I'm not angry. I'm sorry if you thought I was ignoring you. It has been so hectic lately, I've not spoken to anyone much this week."

"You alright?" he asked. Sansa shrugged but then remembered he couldn't see her.

"I'm exhausted," she said honestly with an embarrassed laugh.

"Sansa," Jon replied, his voice full of sympathy but an underlying tone of weariness. "You’ll make yourself ill."

"I know," she answered with more bite than she meant. “I’m doing the best I can!”

"Tell you what," Jon said after a moment. "Arya and Sam will be here tomorrow to keep Ghost company. So, I'll pop round tomorrow and make sure you're alright."

"Jon," she said warningly not wanting to accept his help although she had to admit that she felt touched at his concern.

"I'm worried about you," Jon replied firmly, making it clear he wasn't negotiating. “I’ll be over around eight.”

"Fine," she sighed with fake annoyance. But secretly, she was looking forward to being pampered.

Her mother fussed over her at home but more often than not Sansa would be helping out around the house or helping her mother cook for the family. Harry had sometimes spontaneously surprised her with dinner or a candlelit bath but that had been few and far between and she couldn't even remember the last time Harry had bothered about her happiness.

"Thanks Jon," she added, hoping he could tell she was smiling by her voice.

"You're welcome," he replied softly.

***

She laughed as she let Jon into the flat with him holding a carrier bag in each hand. Jon smiled at her, eyebrows lifting slightly at her pink pyjamas with the huge pug on the front.

"Cute," he grinned as he set the bags on the counter. She swatted his arm even as she bit back a smile. Jon caught her hand, his smile growing as he continued teasing her. "Look at you in your adorable pyjamas, looking all adorable!"

"Alright, alright!" she said, rolling her eyes as she moved to put the kettle on. She squealed as Jon curled a hand around her waist and pulled her back to him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked and she felt his smile against her cheek.

"Getting a cup of tea," she responded, wriggling in his grasp and trying to scowl at him but she couldn't fight her lips rising in another smile.

"Nope," Jon replied, turning her around with his arms still around her waist and steering her towards the couch. "You're staying here!" he continued, gently pushing her down to sit on the couch before going back to unpacking the bags.

She kicked her legs up and folded them around her, accepting defeat as she reached for her laptop to check her emails and enter another job search.

"Two sugars," she called out when she heard the kettle pop off. "And could you leave it in for..."

"Five minutes before adding the milk," Jon finished. "And you take three sugars by the way, but you tell everyone it is two."

She glanced back at him in surprise but Jon had his back to her as he went through her cupboards, setting up the things he needed.

"I thought you preferred tea from a teapot anyway," he said after a moment.

"Never got around to buying one," she responded, frowning at her laptop as it decided to take its time starting up. Jon merely hummed in acknowledgement.

"So, is a bacon roll okay for breakfast?"

"Mmm," Sansa replied, her mouth already watering at the thought.

"Here," Jon said, handing her the tea he had made. She grinned as she cradled it in both hands, savouring the warmth.

"Mmm," she repeated, eyes closing in bliss as she sipped. "Perfect!"

Jon smiled as he returned to the counter and switched the grill on. Soon, her stomach began to rumble as the smell of bacon filled the room. She had been living off tea and biscuits the last few days, ignoring her pangs of hunger in order to get on with her work or her ever-growing to do list. But now there was a decent food option in front of her, she was ready to practically inhale it.

Jon was at her cooker now, placing a large pan on the stove. She watched him cut up the carrots and onions on the chopping board. He looked up at her and she gave him a smile.

"I didn't have you down as a domesticated type," she joked.

"I taught myself to be useful," he replied with a shrug, throwing the chopped vegetables into the pot and pouring the stock he had already mixed in too.

Sansa bit her lip at the awkwardness she felt, looking back at her laptop to combat the feeling. She didn't know much about Jon's childhood but Robb had said he had been orphaned young and went into foster care. Jon barely talked about his experiences but every so often statements like what he had said now made her think that he may have never felt like he belonged anywhere. At least not until Robb came along and more or less adopted him into the Stark family. Everyone had welcomed Jon like a second son or brother.

Except her, she thought and it caused her cheeks to burn with shame. She could try and justify that she hadn't known about Jon's experiences but she also knew she had never made much effort with him when he visited. There was only so far her ignorance gave her an excuse to the fact she all but ignored Jon the whole time she had known him.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out suddenly. Jon paused from spreading butter on the rolls and looked over his shoulder at her in confusion. "I was such a bitch to you when you used to visit."

Jon laughed, shaking his head as he returned to his task. She picked up her empty cup and brought it up to the sink. Jon cast a sideways glance at her when she hovered and she grinned at his unspoken warning not to bother washing up. She went back to the couch.

"It doesn't matter," he said after a moment as he started putting the bacon on the rolls. "I hardly spoke to you either. I doubt that made a good impression to be fair."

He crossed over to the fridge to get the ketchup before making his way to the couch and handing her the roll. He shoved her feet off with a grin. She lifted her foot to playfully kick his side but Jon just grabbed it pulling it and then the other onto his lap.

She reached for the ketchup, pouring some on top of the bacon before offering it to Jon, who shook his head before starting to eat. Sansa took a bite of her own, a moan escaping and her eyes closing. Gods she loved bacon!

"Good?" Jon asked teasingly. Sansa swallowed her food down.

"Better than sex," she responded in deadpan, causing Jon to laugh, his hand covering his mouth to stop the crumbs flying out.

"I don't know whether I should be insulted or not!"

“I thought I made it obvious how much I enjoy sex with you,” she replied, rubbing her foot against his thigh and giving him a wink. “The bacon was just that awesome that it beats even your skills.”

Jon’s laugh died into a groan as she moved her foot higher, rubbing the bulge in his jeans.

“Sansa,” he moaned, moving her feet away from his growing erection and giving her a reproachful look. “I’m meant to be looking after you.”

“Sex relaxes you,” she continued, taking the last bite of her roll.

“Jesus, what have I unleashed?” Jon said with a laugh, shaking his head.

His eyes softened as he looked at her, reaching forward to touch the corner of her mouth and when she looked she saw the tiniest drop of ketchup on his finger. On instinct, she grasped his wrist gently and guided his finger to her lips, looking into his eyes as she sucked the tip of it in.

His lips parting in a slight ‘o’ and his eyes, pupils dilating instantly, were transfixed on her lips wrapped around his finger. She closed her eyes as she gave a long suck, moving her lips up and down, up and down.

Jon jerked suddenly as though breaking out of a trance and she grinned at him as he pulled his finger from her mouth.

“Gods do you have any idea what you do to me?” he whispered.

She managed to throw a teasing glance towards the bulge in his jeans before he was capturing her lips in a clash of teeth and tongue, pushing her back against the cushions. She moaned, parting her legs and wrapping them around his waist as he thrust against her.

“What about what you do to me?” she managed to ask, gasping as he kissed down her neck, finding her sweet spot by the top of her neck, close to the bottom of her ear. “I can’t even use my vibrator anymore without thinking about you.”

Jon groaned softly and then she felt his lips curving into a grin. “I am going to be thinking about you using that vibrator for the rest of the week.”

She moaned as he kissed her again, his hands tangling into her hair and his tongue curling around her own, stroking it gently. He moved back suddenly and she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, trying to pull him back down to her lips. He grinned at her, reaching back to untangle himself from her legs and arms.

“I need to make sure I don’t burn anything,” he explained with a small kiss to her lips. She whined, pouting at him as he moved off of her. Jon laughed, shaking his head at her again before heading back to the stove.

“I’m going to take a shower,” she said eventually, hauling herself up off the couch. She hadn’t meant it in a teasing manner, was just stating simply that was where she was going to be. But Jon looked at her over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised.

“Really? Are you enjoying teasing me?”

“Sorry,” she said with a grin. “You can join me if you like.”

“You wouldn’t end up very clean if I got in there with you,” he responded, stirring the soup he had made lazily.

“You can add the image of me naked in the shower to your dirty thoughts then,” she teased, going into the bathroom.

“Far too late for that!” he called after her, causing her to laugh.

After her shower, she changed back into her pyjamas since Jon had insisted this was a lazy day for her. She came back into the living room to see Jon chopping fruit this time and placing it in the blender. She walked up to him, letting her fingers trace along the material of his shirt, from hip to the small of his back. He glanced at her with a small smile.

“Feeling better?” he asked, switching the machine on.

She hummed against him, watching him for a moment. He smiled again before switching the machine off. She had hoped the shower would wake her up a bit, but the exhaustion of the last few days was still plaguing her and she barely stifled a yawn.

“Go and have a nap, I’ll come and wake you,” he said. She shook her head defiantly.

“I haven’t been able to sleep much. I’m too wound up,” she replied with a shrug.

Jon glanced at her for a moment, looking as though he was contemplating something. He then moved to switch the stove off before he took her wrist, pulling her to him again. He dropped his hands to her arse, and then hoisted her up. Her legs curled around his waist on instinct and she broke the kiss with a gasp. He moved through to her room, gently placing her on the bed.

She moaned as he kneeled at the end of the bed, so much like the night she first invited him round and she bit her lips in anticipation as he pulled her pyjama bottoms down. He placed his lips at her ankle, pressing kisses all the way up her leg until he reached her underwear. He grinned at her as his fingers traced the hem of them.

“Jon,” she moaned as he pulled them off.

He pushed her legs apart, hands resting at the top of her thighs, preventing her from closing herself from his gaze. She had lost count of how many times Jon had done this but she still flushed from the attention, the way he looked at her there, it was equal parts filthy and beautiful.

Jon held her legs apart with his shoulders as he started stroking her with his finger, spreading the wetness as it grew under his touch. Sansa gasped as he pushed his finger inside her, testing her. He pulled it out again, his thumbs moving to spread her lips open as he began his work, lapping at her like a man starved.

After he had worked her up to her first climax, he pulled back long enough to curl his hands under her knees. She started to form a question of what he was doing as he pushed her legs up to her chest and then spread them open again. But then all that she managed was a shocked gasp as his tongue returned, the angle spreading her further open to allow his tongue to curl inside of her. She flushed as her legs spread even wider on instinct, trying to get more, more, more.

She gasped helplessly, hands flying up above her and then spreading out, trying to find something to tether her to reality as her second orgasm washed over her, leaving her shaking and moaning, her hips still pushing up against his mouth in desperation.

He pulled back again, placing kisses to her thighs as she came back down. But then he returned, licking slowly through her folds. She choked at how easily he pushed one, two, three fingers inside of her, curling them in and out, in and out, as his tongue circled her clit over and over and over.

“It… I… I can’t…” she cried out even as her hands grasped his hair, all but shoving his head against her and her hips rolled, rolled, rolled.

Her lips parted, a scream building inside of her but her voice was gone from the countless moans she had given him and only a choked gasp came out, her eyes clenching shut as she tensed around him.

Finally, Jon pulled back and away from her, resting his chin on her navel below her belly button as he lowered her legs back down. She opened her eyes, moaning helplessly at the sight of his mouth plump and wet from his exertions between her thighs. He grinned up at her as she fought to open her eyes again, her body boneless from her continuous orgasms.

“Sex relaxes you,” he repeated her earlier words smugly.

She lifted an arm lazily to hit him but was so exhausted she gave up and let it flop against the bed instead causing Jon to laugh. She felt him move, managing to lift her eyelids enough in order to see him close her curtains before her eyes drooped shut again. She felt Jon move her slightly in order to get the covers out from under her before pulling them up over her again.

“I’ll come wake you in a couple of hours,” he whispered. She barely managed a hum in response, already succumbing to sleep.

***

She awoke just as Jon was opening her door, a cup of tea in his hand. He smiled at her as he placed the cup on her bedside cabinet.

“Feeling better now?” he teased. Sansa scoffed as she pulled herself into a sitting position and reached for her tea.

“No,” she responded after a moment. He raised an eyebrow in response and she smirked. “I’ll feel awful if I don’t return the favour.”

“And they say men think about sex all the time,” he muttered but he was smiling all the same. “You’re insatiable!”

“Don’t be so good at it then,” she replied with a shrug. Jon laughed.

“I won’t give you anymore orgasms then. They only cause trouble.”

She gave him a mock pout over the rim of her cup and he just gave a cheeky shrug in return. She shook her head, snorting at him.

“You’re such a dork,” she said, putting her cup back down in order to allow her to get out of her bed. Jon’s grin only widened.

“You say that as an insult but surely it is worse if you’re hooking up with a dork then?”

“Smart arse,” she muttered as she pulled on another pair of pants and her pyjama bottoms and went to get her tea again.

She followed him through to the living room area, plopping herself down at the counter and watching as he started ladling the soup into bowls. She felt her stomach growling again as the smell hit her nostrils.

“So, I’ve made enough that you can take some to your work tomorrow,” he said as he placed the bowl in front of her and moved to sit next to her with his own. “And I’ve made a couple of smoothies so you have no excuse not to have breakfast the next couple of days.”

“Thank you, Jon,” she replied, giving his shoulder a squeeze. He shrugged, blowing on his spoon.

“I’m not going to let you get so stressed out that you can’t look after yourself,” he replied.

It was a sweet thing to say but she felt like he was determinedly not looking at her as he said them, his eyes staring into his soup even though he definitely knew she was looking at him. She murmured her thanks again anyway as she started eating her own soup.

Once they were done, Jon took the bowls over to the sink and she moved back to the couch, taking Jeyne’s dress and moving to her sewing machine in the corner. Luckily, she hadn’t switched it on as the letterbox suddenly thundered open and crashed back against the door, causing her to jump. Jon picked the letters up, handing them to her before going back to the sink. She reminded herself to buy a dishwasher.

She placed the letters to the side as she began working on Jeyne’s dress. She glanced at Jon every so often, smiling at how he puttered around the kitchen, putting everything back and wiping her cooker and countertops. He went through to chuck the dirty cloths and towels in the laundry hamper in the bathroom and came back, watching her from the doorway.

“I better go and relieve Sam and Arya from dog-sitting duties,” he said. “There’s a pizza made up in the fridge, just chuck it in the oven later on. And I’ve made some bolognaise for your tea tomorrow. Garlic bread is in the fridge to go with it.”

"You’re the best Jon!” she said as she switched off the sewing machine and moved to give him a hug, squeezing him tightly. He curled his arms around her squeezing her back for a moment until she pulled back.

“Hopefully, you’ll get some more sleep tonight,” he added with a small smile as he left.

***

It was five in the evening by the time she finished both Jeyne’s dress and her sweater. She gave her sister-in-law a quick text to let her know her dress was ready and then moved to get the pizza Jon had made up to put in the oven.

While she waited for it to heat up, she moved to her mail, prepared for the disappointment of bills. Sure enough, there was one from the Student Loans Company, which she threw straight in the bin and pretended not to know anything about it. Thank goodness she won’t have to worry about that for another few years, if ever seeing as how well her job search was going.

The other was her electricity bill and then a leaflet for the local Chinese restaurant down the street. She laughed to herself since if Jon hadn’t come round with actual food that had actual substance she would have been phoning them. She placed the bill on the counter to check later and threw the leaflet in the bin before looking at the last one.

She froze at the Ticketmaster logo on the front, a small groan leaving her as she realised what it was. She had bought tickets for Hogmanay in Edinburgh months ago, when she was still with Harry. Her favourite band were playing and Harry had the time off and had happily agreed to go with her since he liked them well enough too. With everything that was going on, she had completely forgotten to ask someone else to go with her instead.

She put the letter down and grabbed her phone to go onto the group chat on facebook and asking her friends if they were able to come along. She placed her phone down as she moved to get the oven gloves and pull the pizza out of the oven. She heard her phone buzz but ignored it for the moment as she moved to put the pizza on the plate and opened the drawer for the cutter. Her phone buzzed again.

Once she had cut the pizza, she grabbed her phone and sat herself down at the breakfast counter again, typing her password in with one hand while eating the pizza with the other.

Jeyne: Aww I love Biffy! But Robb and I are going to Ireland to my parents for New Year, sorry sweetie :(

Sansa knew that already so she wasn’t too put out by Jeyne not managing. But as the messages kept coming she began losing hope.

Myranda: I would honey but I’m on call at New Year so can’t go out of Glasgow, sorry!

Margaery: Sorry sweetie, Tommen and I booked a trip to London last minute. His parents live down there so I’m going to meet them. Aaahhhh!

Arya: Biffy Clyro suck!

Arya: … But if you really can’t find anyone else, I’ll come.

She sighed, letting her phone drop on the counter. She appreciated Arya’s sacrifice but she knew that she wouldn’t enjoy it as much if Arya wasn’t really happy to be there. She picked her phone up again.

Sansa: Can you think of anyone who likes Biffy I could ask?

Myranda: Umm… sorry can’t think of anyone.

Jeyne: Ygritte does

Jeyne: But I doubt you would feel comfortable going with her.

Myranda: Lol!

Arya: Why? What is wrong with Ygritte? I liked her well enough…

Jeyne: Nothing.

Myranda: Nothing!

Jeyne: They hardly know each other is all I meant.

Arya: oh. Well I was going to say Jon actually but then, I know you don’t get on with him.

Oh, I get on much better with him now, Sansa thought with a small snort of laughter. Her eyes widened as she saw Myranda was typing something but then thankfully it disappeared again. For all the brashness of Myranda and how she loved to tease people, she did know when to reign it in most of the time and thankfully this appeared to be one of those times. Or maybe, she realised Arya didn’t know about her and Jon hooking up. Either way she was grateful.

Sansa: Jon and I get on better recently actually.

Myranda opened a new chat with you.

Myranda: I bet you are! ;) ;)

Sansa rolled her eyes but was glad Myranda had had the sense to wind her up in a private chat. She made sure to cross it out and return to the group chat again.

Arya: Yeah? Well I can ask him if you want?

Sansa: I’ll message him, it’s fine.

Arya… you have his number? Since when?

Shit she thought in a panic, trying to think of a plausible time and reason that Jon and her would have exchanged numbers but nothing came to mind that Arya would believe. She wondered if she should just come out and tell her that her and Jon were fuck buddies when her phone buzzed again.

Jeyne: I gave her it. Since Harry moved out I figured she would need a number of a reliable tradesman in case she needed anything.

Myranda: Jon a plumber by any chance? Lol!

Arya: Gross! Stop talking about Jon in a porny way please!

Myranda: I never mentioned porn!

Arya: Please! Plumber! Really?

Sansa chuckled to herself as she closed the group, deciding to let Arya and Myranda decide themselves how subtle the latter was being. She opened up her contacts to find Jon’s number, pressing the dial button and listening to it ring.

“Hey,” he greeted on the third ring.

“Hi, so this is a weird thing to ask I know,” she said quickly, figuring it was better to get the awkward asking over with. “But I booked tickets for the Hogmanay party in Edinburgh months ago, before I broke up with Harry. But with everything that was going on I forgot to ask someone else and the girls all have plans. But Arya said you liked them so I thought… if you don’t have plans ... maybe…” she cringed at herself, trailing off in embarrassment.

“Yeah, sure,” he responded almost instantly. “I wanted to go actually but the tickets sold out ages ago.”

“Awesome,” she grinned but then she remembered something else, her cheeks burning as she continued. “Uhh… I booked a hotel for Harry and I… I know that might be weird so if you want me to see if there is another room I could …”

“No that’s fine,” he responded quickly and she could vaguely hear noises in the background telling her that he was probably in the living room with Arya or Sam or perhaps both. “Give me a second,” he added and she assumed he was going through to his room.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to say much in front of Arya since I know you haven’t told her anything about us,” he said after a moment. “But yeah, don’t worry about the hotel, they’ll be booked out now and if they aren’t they’ll be extortionate. Besides, we’ve shared a bed plenty of times.”

“Yeah but …” she began but then couldn’t really figure out why she thought it was weird. Sure, it had been booked when she was part of a couple but then it wasn’t really any different to Jon fucking her in the bed she had shared with Harry once either. Yet at the same time, perhaps it was the fact that this was something directly related to her past relationship that made her think he might not want to share a bed with her.

“I’ll drive us there and back,” he added. “Just let me know what I owe you.”

“Oh no, it was already paid anyway!” she replied but she could practically hear Jon shaking his head on the other end.

“Absolutely not! I’ve seen how exhausted you are working away, I’m not going to let you lose out on your hard-earned cash. If you don’t tell me, I’ll just transfer the equivalent of what it is worth now!”

“Just pay me for the ticket,” she said eventually and cut off the beginning of his protest. “We’re even with the petrol I’ll owe you anyway. That is final!”

“Fine,” he sighed but she could imagine him smiling anyway.

“The pizza was awesome by the way!”

“I just threw stuff on a shop bought base,” he laughed. “But figured it was better than takeaway.”

“I definitely owe you for today,” she continued, hoping her voice sounded teasing enough. He was silent on the other end for the moment, possibly trying to work out if she was flirting or genuinely thinking she owed him something.

“And how would you repay me?” he responded in a low voice. She grinned at how quickly he could read her.

“How would you like me to repay you? I have a few ideas myself, such as a repeat performance of your place. She heard him swallow on the other end.

“Yeah?” he whispered. “But then, I just want to return the favour after too. We seem to have an endless cycle going on here.”

“We could…” she started, trailing off with a blush at the sudden thought that came to mind.

“We could?” Jon probed but she could feel his smirk as he teased her, knowing full well what she was about to say.

“We could … at the same time…”

“Arya says if you can’t say it you shouldn’t be doing it,” he quipped.

“I’m going to pretend you haven’t had weird sex conversations with Arya,” she responded with a grimace and Jon laughed.

“No, not me. That was her advice to Sam when he and Gilly started having sex and Sam could barely talk about anything to do with it.

“Okay, I’m just going to pretend my little sister is not giving sex education lessons to anyone!” she replied even as she smiled.

“Yeah but going by her advice,” he continued. “are you saying you want to suck me off while I eat you out?”

“You could just say do you wanna try sixty-nineing,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he snapped playfully. “And don’t pretend you don’t love my dirty mouth.”

Her breath hitched as memories of his dirty, filthy mouth working on her over and over this afternoon. She could feel herself getting wet again at the thought.

“You know I do,” she replied but her inexperience was weighing on her mind again and she was so worried she would make a fool of herself that she quickly changed the subject while trying to keep it flirty. “But you’ll just have to wait until we’re free again to remind me how much I love it. Maybe I’ll remind you how much you love my mouth too.”

“You’re a fucking tease, do you know that?” he responded but she detected the fondness in his voice. She grinned.

“Goodnight Jon.”

“Goodnight Sansa.”

Chapter Text

She smiled at the meme Jon sent her of a couple of huskies, expressions relating to a terrible joke. Underneath Jon had written a quick message.

I hope you're feeling less stressed today :)

She grinned, quickly typing out a reply.

Was fine until that terrible joke. That is so something you would say :p

You wound me.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I'll make it up to you ;)

Oh? Do tell how you might be doing that.

She bit her lip, feeling her fingers hover over the buttons of her phone. She was still worried about making a fool of herself, still not sure of what to say. But she figured she was more of a doer than a say-er anyway so she tipped the phone up to a better angle, resting her thumb on her bottom lip, enough to part them slightly, teasingly and her eyes looking up into the camera in feigned innocence. She snapped the photo and quickly sent it to him.

I just can’t think of anything. Can you?

The bell above the door pinged as a customer entered, shaking Sansa from her thoughts. She smiled brightly and slid her phone underneath her desk, her smile growing as it buzzed twice in quick succession. Her heart was pounding as she served the customer, surprised her voice remained calm as she bid them goodbye. It was one thing to exchange flirty, borderline dirty messages when they were in their respective homes. But when they were both working…it thrilled Sansa more than she ever thought it would.

Those innocent blue eyes aren’t fooling me sweetheart.

I know exactly what you want to do with that pretty mouth of yours.

She felt the air leave her lungs, her heart still pounding with the thrill of it all. She didn’t know how Jon could be so wonderfully filthy but sweet at the same time. He had a way of making her feel desirable with the simplest of words and one look from those stormy grey eyes. Of all the men Sansa had had chatting her up, in all her time with Harry, she had never felt quite like this. She just felt like a pretty doll, to be admired and shown off. Not like a woman, in control of her own body and enjoying sex. She was glad she had trusted Jon to push her, raise her confidence and test her curiosity with. He wasn’t judgemental of her inexperience, he never pushed her for anything and even when he was saying such dirty things to her it was never cruel or beyond what Sansa would like.

“He could be a real sexual awakening for you.”

She smiled to herself as Myranda’s words all those weeks ago came back to her. She definitely needed to get that girl a wine hamper as a thank you. Jon was definitely igniting her sexual desires and she had not been disappointed in anything yet. Although, she was still nervous about trying new things, she felt comfortable to embrace the adventures with Jon.

I’ll use mine if you use yours.

His reply was almost instant.

Thought that was what we were planning anyway ;)

She bit her lip, wishing it was the Wednesday already when she was off again and she could ask him round. Gods, she needed him, needed to hear his rough voice, feel his fingers rubbing her, his tongue caressing her.

Are you free on Wednesday?

She moved to put the leftover soup Jon had made into the microwave to heat up, her stomach already rumbling at the thought of the tasty meal. She was just taking it out again when her phone buzzed under the counter. She put the bowl down and quickly went back out the front to unlock her phone.

Yes, I’ll be there around 6.30 :)

***

She was looking forward to seeing Jon but she still couldn’t fight her nervousness. She had never done anything like this before, had barely had the courage to give Harry a blow job and always feeling like she wasn’t doing it right. While Jon’s reaction to her mouth had been encouraging, she wasn’t sure if she could give him such a performance while she was distracted with him between her own legs. She had paced around the flat, barely able to concentrate on anything. She had been doing more job searches to try and clear her head but had had to give up on that too before she put something stupid in an application.

She jumped at the sound of her buzzer even though she had been watching the clock constantly, her brain hadn’t really taken it in. She quickly allowed Jon entry, unlocking the door and leaving it on the catch, walking around to the other side of the counter. She must have still looked worried as Jon paused in the doorway, slowly closing the door behind him even as his eyes never left hers.

“You alright?”

“Just nervous,” she replied. She couldn’t help but smile at how easy she could admit her nerves and insecurities with Jon. Harry had always insisted she should just face her fears head on and learn as she went. She didn’t think it was meant to hurt her, it was just how Harry had done things himself.

“I haven’t done it either,” he said after a moment. She raised her eyebrows and he must have caught her look as he raised his own. “What? Do you think I’m some sort of sex maniac or something?” he added with a nervous laugh.

“You’re more experienced,” she replied simply with a shrug of her shoulders.

“I just like to please,” he responded, shrugging his own shoulders. Sansa couldn’t help the smile as she came around the counter and stepped up to him, tugging on the material of his shirt.

“You certainly do,” she grinned up at him before pulling him down for a kiss.

He responded easily, hands curling around her waist and cupping her neck to pull her closer. She pulled back, regarding him with half-lidded eyes as she walked backwards towards the hallway. Jon smirked, grasping her hand and pulling her to him, lifting her up like he had done the other day when he had been looking after her. She gave his earlobe a gentle bite, causing him to pause and slam her against the wall as he regained her balance. Her legs fell open around his waist, allowing him to fall against her core and eliciting a groan from them both.

“Jon,” she gasped, hands curling into his hair as he nipped at her neck.  And then suddenly, his hands cupped her arse, lifting her up again and pushing her through her bedroom door. He laid her down on the bed gently, following her form to kiss her again.

She ran her hands over his back as his hips started to rut against her. His hands moved to the hem of her sweater, tugging up in silent request. She broke the kiss, sitting up enough for him to pull the garment over her head while she began unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders just as he unclasped her bra. He cupped her breasts gently, thumbs rolling the nipples into hard peaks and she moaned in encouragement. He kissed a trail down her neck until he reached her breasts, kissing the top of them before suckling on her right nipple and then on the left.

Her hands dropped to his jeans, undoing the button and shoving them down. He pulled back to look at her as she dipped her hand into his boxers, grasping him and moving her hand up and down. He cupped her face again before placing a kiss to her lips. He pulled back far enough to undo her own jeans, fingers fumbling as she tightened her grip. He growled playfully at her before dipping his own fingers down, brushing them against her curls.

She released him and pulled at his wrist to get him to pull back so she could shove her jeans down. He grabbed them at the end of her legs, pulling them off for her and then settling back between her legs. She glanced away shyly, biting her lip.

“How do we…?” she started, glancing back at him. Jon regarded her for a moment.

“Umm, we could try it on our sides?” he suggested eventually. “Or you on top of me. Whatever you want.”

“Okay,” she responded vaguely as she tried to think of what would be best. “Can we…try our sides first?”

Jon nodded, gently coaxing her into the position and curling around her. He reached forward, his right hand grasping her hip while the fingers of his left hand trailed through her folds. She moaned softly, her own hands taking position on his hip and his sex. She felt him part her legs and then his tongue swiping through her. She bucked, fingers digging into his hip which caused him to moan against her. She took a deep breath before taking the head of his cock in her mouth. Jon groaned again, louder and his own fingers dug in. It was too distracting she thought with a frown, trying to concentrate. But the rhythm wasn’t working and she ended up pulling off of him with a pop.

“It isn’t working,” she huffed. Jon pulled back as well, rolling on to his back to regard her. He opened his mouth to say something but she clambered over him, turning so she could face his cock again. She threw a look over her shoulder. “Let us try this way!”

“Sure,” Jon replied, his eyes staring at her sex distractedly.

She gave a small chuckle and then engulfed him again. But again, she just couldn’t concentrate on him when he was kissing her there and when she could take him, it faltered her rhythm too. She huffed again, pulling back and rolling off. Jon glanced at her and when she looked at him, he was smiling. She glared at him, feeling stupid and embarrassed before rolling so her back was to him. Jon followed her, placing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Sansa,” he said gently. “Its alright.” She snorted, glaring at the wall. His hand stroked her hip softly and she could feel him staring at her intently. She blinked, surprised at the tears that had gathered from her embarrassment, wiping at them harshly. Jon kissed her hair again.

 “Sometimes, things don’t work and that is okay. Sex is meant to be fun too.”

She nodded absently, still feeling stupid as Jon pulled at her hip forcing her onto her back so she had to look at him. He kissed her cheeks and then trailed down to her breasts, teasing her nipples with his tongue until she sighed contentedly.

“Better?” he teased, kissing a trail down to her navel. She felt herself smiling despite herself and gave a playful shrug.

“A little, I might still need some cheering up though.”

Jon grinned. “I’ll see what I can do.”

***

It was the first time Jon had stayed over at hers since Sam was going to be at the flat overnight. He hadn’t assumed to stay, had originally intended to leave like normal. But they had just ended up spending most of the evening engaging in post sixty-nine foreplay. They had tried it one more time but Sansa had still gotten frustrated at it and they had decided to leave it as just an experiment in the end. At least this time, they had descended into laughter with Sansa saying she couldn’t believe there was something he wasn’t a natural at after all. He had given her bottom a playful swat and then proceeded to make up for his previously failed attentions. She had lost count of how many times he had had his mouth on her last night.

Eventually they had drifted into a light nap and when Jon had awoken an hour later she had felt him roll away from her. She had turned and clasped his wrist, telling him he could stay if he wanted to. Jon had hesitated for a moment before he had sent a quick text to Sam and then sliding back under the covers.

She awoke before her alarm, her eyes catching the neon lights of her alarm clock. Ten minutes before her alarm was due to go off. She could feel Jon behind her, his soft breathing telling her he was still asleep. Unlike last time, he was on his back with an arm thrown above his head, which was turned towards her. She bit her lip, remembering how many times he had made up for those failed sixty-nine attempts and she had barely done anything.

She moved slowly, sliding the covers down to reveal his cock, already half hard. She slid down, careful not to wake him as she gently parted his thighs. She moaned around him as she took the head in her mouth, her fingers resting at the top of his thighs. She heard him inhale sharply as he was pulled from sleep, watching him arch as his body woke and responded. She gave a long suck, he cursed, and she pulled off with a pop.

“Good morning,” she grinned up at him.

“Mmm, certainly is,” he replied, groaning as she engulfed him again. He liked when she looked at him doing this, she had found so she made sure to look up at his face every time she swallowed him down. He gasped as she took more of him in although she still gagged when she attempted to take anymore. Jon caressed her cheek and when she looked up he was looking at her tenderly.

“You don’t have to take it all,” he whispered, pushing the hair from her face. Sansa grinned mischievously.

“Practice makes perfect,” she retorted before descending on him again.

***

“Stark!” Myranda yelled down the phone when Sansa picked it up on Friday evening, holding the phone to her ear as she locked the shop. “Where are you?”

“What?”

“St Andrews Day night out, remember? We’re at Margaery’s and we are starting this party right now!”

“Oh, shoot!” Sansa cried out, slapping a hand to her forehead. “I totally forgot. Let me get home and changed and I can meet you in town?”

“You’ll have a lot of catching up to do!” Myranda cackled before hanging up.

Sansa sighed to herself before quickly walking to the taxi rank, thankful that it was payday. Normally, she was quite fiscal and get the bus but since she was going to have to meet her friends relatively quickly, she had to take the quicker option home. She gave the driver her address, digging out her keys and purse so she could quickly get out and get herself sorted.

Once in her flat, she threw her shoes off and quickly went through to her room to pick out a dress. With it being St Andrews night on Monday, and a bank holiday, they had all agreed to have a night out on the Friday for the first time in ages but Sansa had been so busy she had forgotten about it. She supposed that was what Jon was talking about when he said about waiting to see how he felt. She grinned at the thought of Jon being there and picked out her blue body-con dress, the colour bringing out her eyes. She changed her underwear into her (and Jon’s) favourite black pair and, after a moment’s hesitation, leaned back on the bed and snapped a pic from her neck down and then angled the camera behind her, capturing the lacy material at her hip. She sent it to Jon quickly with a quick message, letting him know what she was wearing under her dress. She smiled as her phone buzzed as she brushed through her hair until it shone in the light and left it down, hanging over her shoulders. She applied a couple of coats of mascara and then her lip gloss, squirting a bit of perfume on before grabbing her phone.

Jesus Sansa. I’m going to get hard in front of your friends and Robb and Arya!

She laughed, picturing him sitting with his right leg crossed over to rest on top of the other, hiding his arousal as the others puttered around. It was quite thrilling having such power, knowing that a man desired her and she could drive him mad. She knew now why Jon seemed to love trying to push her boundaries and saying such deliciously filthy things to her. Being desired so much was a lovely feeling.

Feeling bold, she hiked her dress up and let her hand drift to the hem of her underwear, fingers lightly teasing the material. She bit her lip as she picked up her phone again. She let her hand slip underneath to rest at the top of her sex but careful not to touch in case she ended up needing to take care of herself before leaving. But it was enough to give Jon a clear mental image and she quickly took a snap and sent it to him.

She quickly phoned a taxi, grabbing her lip gloss and purse while she waited. She threw on her jacket and a scarf over the top, grabbing her keys and gloves just as the buzzer went to alert her that her taxi arrived. Her phone buzzed at the same time.

Fuck Sansa!

I am going to make you pay for this!

She grinned, a giddy feeling running through her at the thought of how he could make her pay, thinking of when he had swatted her arse playfully the other night. Her cheeks flushed as she remembered Myranda once talking about how a guy she had been dated had spanked her until she was literally dripping on the bed. She wondered if Jon would want to try that out too.

She wondered how far she could push to get him to do it.

***

She should have known by now how easy it was to get Jon riled up. But she had to admit, she quite liked leaving him in a mess like he so often did with her.

She had started subtly. When she had arrived at the bar, she had hugged everyone but had deliberately pretended to trip when she went to hug Jon, forcing him to catch her and her breasts pushed against his chest.

“Ooops,” she giggled brightly. “I had a couple of glasses of wine before I left,” she added catching Myranda and Margaery winking and tipping their glass respectively. Jon’s jaw had tensed as Robb had laughed but beside him she saw Jeyne watching her intently, a small frown on her face. She decided to ignore it for now as she started her game.

She sat next to Jon, pressing his thigh right against him. There was nothing off about that to Robb or Arya, it was a tight space at the table. But when Arya would go to the bathroom or to the bar, and Robb was distracted with Jeyne, she would move her thigh to rub against him. And eventually, she started placing her palm on his thigh. She didn’t move it, just let it linger like a promise.

She could tell he wanted to tell her to reign it in but he couldn’t without drawing attention to them. And when she turned to face him, she felt herself grow wet at the intense look on his face. She licked her lips teasingly as she removed her thigh as she caught Arya returning to the table.

There was a point later when Myranda had went looking for a hook-up and Robb, Jeyne and Margaery were on the dance floor, Arya at the bar when they were alone. He had grabbed her wrist as she had started trailing up his thigh again. She spoke before he could.

“I am so wet for you,” she purred. His eyes widened, his lips parting. For a moment, he just stared at her before he seemed to take a long breath.

“You come in looking like that,” he muttered, eyes trailing down her body in a way that made her insides ignite. “Knowing I can’t just rip it off you. And you taunt me with your hands knowing I’d get hard in front of them.” He tilted his head in the direction of the dancefloor to indicate their friends. She licked her lips again, eyes fixed on his lips.

“Shame about that,” she murmured, eyes trailing up to meet his. His nostrils flared and he inhaled sharply.

“I’m going to leave,” he said firmly but she grinned, knowing there was more to come. “And you are going to leave in ten minutes and meet me at the taxi rank.”

“Oh? But I want to have fun,” she responded with a pout. He grinned, a flash of his teeth.

“We’ll be having plenty of fun sweetheart,” he replied. “We’re going to go to yours and I am going to fuck you.”

“Gods yes,” she gasped eagerly watching him finish his pint before saying goodbye to their friends and giving her a wink as he left the bar.

***

She gasped, the sound captured in Jon’s mouth as he pushed her against her door. He groaned deeply, his tongue pushing past her lips as his hips rutted against her. She was surprised they made it out of the taxi still clothed to be honest.

“You’ve been teasing me all night,” he muttered before diving for her lips again. Sansa managed to pull back from his kiss to look him in the eyes, biting her lip in feigned innocence.

“Have I been a bad girl?” she purred. Jon’s eyes widened, his hands digging into her hips as he regarded her, trying to ensure how serious she was. She licked her lips, fingers tracing along his shirt in what she hoped was open invitation to continue this particular game. Jon swallowed, his voice low with desire.

“A very bad girl,” he whispered, moving back to give her a mock look of disapproval. “I think you need to be punished.”

She managed to bite back her groan and had enough wits left to push him back a bit so that she could open the door, tossing her coat and bag to the floor as Jon slammed the door behind him, grabbing her and shoving her up against it, tongue curling inside her mouth when her lips parted in a gasp.

“Are you going to punish me?” she asked, feeling the rush of wetness between her legs at the thought. Jon grinned, showing his teeth like a predator.

“Bedroom,” he commanded, pulling her through to her room. She turned to him as he closed the door and he lifted his eyebrows. “Strip.”

She bit her lip as she sat on her bed, her shaking fingers going to the buckle on her shoe.

“Leave them on,” Jon said suddenly, his hand braced on the door and his almost black eyes watching her intently.

Sansa felt her breath hitch, her cheeks flushing with desire as her fingers went instead to the hem of her dress, pulling it up and over her head. She glanced at him, watching him stare at her as she stood in her underwear before his eyes rose to her face, eyebrows rising slightly to remind her of his earlier command. She reached back to unhook her bra and let it slip off her arms. She hooked her thumbs into her underwear and yanked them down, kicking them off her shoes to lie abandoned on the floor.

“Bend over your bed,” he demanded, finally moving from the door to circle behind her.

She could feel his eyes watching her as she took her position, burying her cheek against the cool sheet in order to try and shake the heat she felt on them. She bit her lip again as his hand appeared beside her face, grasping the covers to steady himself as the other trailed down her back with a feather-light touch.

She jerked slightly when his hand came to rest on the small of her back and down to grasp one of her arse cheeks, kneading the skin. She grinned at the groan he tried to hide but her head was turned towards him and he must have caught her amusement as he leaned forward, nipping at her ear.

“You better not be finding your punishment amusing,” he muttered and she groaned at the huskiness in his voice, shaking her head in response to encourage him. She felt him grin against her before he placed a kiss to her forehead. “Good.”

His first strike on her arse was quite gentle, a tease really. She gasped all the same, her fingers clenching in the sheets as her hips bucked. His palm came down again, slightly harder and she squirmed, surprised at how much she liked this. He started a rhythm, spanking her in quick succession until she was whimpering and squirming on the bed, her arse on fire. She was soaking between her thighs and moaned helplessly when he flipped her over, hands pulling the zipper of his jeans down, pushing the clothing down harshly and then his boxers, his cock already hard.

“Look what you did,” he growled, grabbing a condom from the drawer. “I was hard all night because of your teasing, And I couldn’t do anything abut it.”

Sansa moaned, parting her legs in anticipation as he put the condom on. His eyes dropped to her cunt at the movement and he unconsciously licked his lips before meeting her eyes again, a grin rising on his lips.

“You’re soaking,” he whispered as he settled between her thighs, fingers trailing through her folds. “Did you like being spanked?”

“Yes,” she moaned, pushing her hips up to grind against him, her legs hooking around him to pull him closer. He hissed as the heel of her shoe brushed over his shirt but the black of his dilated pupils told her he didn’t mind much.

“Filthy girl,” he muttered as he pushed a finger inside of her, groaning at the sound of her wetness. She mewled helplessly, feeling so close to the edge already that it wouldn’t take long. But she didn’t want his finger.

“A filthy girl,” she agreed, her voice dying into another groan when he pushed another finger in. She turned her head into the sheets, trying to compose herself enough to continue. “A filthy girl who desperately needs you inside of her.”

“I am inside you,” he countered, fingers curling to prove his point and it made Sansa’s hips buck again.

“Your cock Jon,” she hissed, managing to level him with a glare to show her impatience. Jon grinned, in response before leaning down to kiss her again as he entered her.

She lifted her legs slightly, her knees resting up by his elbow. Jon tossed his head back with a choked whimper as he ended up deeper inside her as a result and then he moved his hands, the left clenched in the sheets by her head, the other holding the back of her right knee as his hips continued to pump into her. Her own hands curled under his arms, clutching his shoulder and pulling him close as they moved together. Jon was panting harshly in her ear and she could feel the sweat running down the side of his neck and the sweat dripping off her own forehead. The sudden urge to lick him struck her and she trailed her tongue along his neck to his jaw. He whimpered again, his hips moving faster, movements becoming jerkier as he approached his release. She groaned as his hand slipped down, rubbing her into a release.

“Gods Sansa,” he gasped. “I…” he bit into her shoulder with a groan, hips jerking once, twice as he emptied himself into the condom.

For a moment, they lay there in contentment. Sansa unconsciously trailed her fingers through Jon’s curls as he buried his face in her neck, his breathing slowly returning to normal. She hummed lowly as she felt Jon withdraw from her and move to dispose of the condom. She smiled at him as he turned to look at her.

“I uh, I told Arya I was going to see that girl I hooked up with,” he said sheepishly. “Just in case she got home before I did.”

“Has she been harassing you?” she asked as she passed to go to the bathroom, the clink of her shoes reminding her she still had them on. Jon laughed, moving to speak to her through the door.

“It has been awful!” he admitted. “Her and Sam have been asking so many questions and I’ve had to keep in my room to avoid them. They just can’t believe I’m hooking up with someone.”

He moved away as she reappeared. She smiled at him as she went back to the bedroom, the chill of the night causing her to quickly unclasp her shoes and duck under the covers. She glanced over to him, watching him hover in the doorway.

“You know, you don’t have to go home at all,” she responded sleepily, turning the covers up invitingly. Jon licked his lips, a small smile coming to him as he unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall to the floor as he crossed over the room and settled down beside her. She hummed again in contentment at the heat coming off his body. She had always felt the cold more sharply than her siblings, only her mother had been as sensitive to the cold as she. But Jon was warm and inviting and she found herself pulling his arm around her, smiling as his own contented hum filled her ears.

Chapter Text

She groaned at the vibration that echoed on the cabinet surface followed by the ting which drove through her skull. She heard Jon groan softly at the sound too before he nuzzled closer in his sleepy daze. She blindly pulled herself up, ignoring Jon's sleepy protest at the movement. She stretched over him, the movement causing her ass to press against his cock. Jon moaned softly, hand falling from her hip to her thigh from the movement even as he succumbed to sleep again. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand and pressed the home button, the sudden light assaulting her eyes and causing her to wince. Jon groaned again.

"Turn it off," he muttered sleepily, burying his head in the pillow to shield him from the light. "What time is it?" he added.

"Four fifteen," she replied as her eyes adjusted enough to look at the screen again to see a message from Arya. Figures, she thought. Arya never had a concept of time when she had been drinking.

"Urgh," Jon muttered in disgust. "Why?"

She smiled to herself at his antics. His grumpiness was kind of cute. She clicked on her messages to open it.

Sans. can’t remember if I told you or not. Since its Jon's birthday tomorrow Sam and I decided he should get a cake and a chilled night with his mates. Figured you might wanna come around? let me know :)

She blinked, frowning at the text and then looking to Jon who had seemingly fallen back asleep. He hadn't said anything about his birthday to her. And now she felt terrible that she didn't even remember it. She had made him a birthday cake the first year he visited the Stark house, after Robb had told her that Jon hadn't had a birthday cake since he was five. But when Jon hadn't said anything, not even a thank you she had decided not to bother again and had consequently forgotten his birthday.

She sent a quick text to Arya to let her know that she would be there before throwing her phone under her pillow. She flopped back down on the bed, chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully. Even though his birthday was tomorrow she figured Jon would be touched if she did something today for him. She wouldn't have time to buy him anything particularly great but she could easily go to the Tesco a couple of streets down later and buy a card and things to make him breakfast. She wondered if she should get another cake for him. She supposed there was no such thing as too much cake, especially if there were lemons in it.

"Shhh," Jon murmured suddenly and Sansa chuckled, thinking he was sleep talking. "I can hear you thinking."

"Sorry," she whispered, settling back on her side and closing her eyes. As sleep started to overcome her, she unconsciously pulled his hand back up to rest on her stomach.

***

It was lighter when she woke again, Jon's arm still around her. She reached under her pillow to check the time on her phone.

7.43am.

She gently moved Jon's hand, smiling as he whined in his sleep, brows furrowing endearingly as he unconsciously moved closer. She pulled the covers up, shivering as the morning air hit her naked skin. She quickly padded to her drawers and grabbed some underwear. She glanced back at Jon as she gave herself a quick spray of deodorant. He had rolled onto his stomach, one hand outstretched to her empty spot. He was quite adorable, all snuggled in her bed she thought as she pulled her leggings on and threw a sweater dress over herself.

She took her favourite white beanie hat and shoved it on her head. She would brush her hair later but she figured there was no point doing so now as she was sure Jon was going to be messing it up when she returned anyway.

She quickly brushed her teeth before retrieving her jacket from the living room floor. She quickly took her notepad out of the drawer scribbling to Jon that she had gone to get milk and wouldn't be long. She added she would like to find him still in bed upon her return, putting a wink face next to it.

She quietly entered her room, placing the notepad on her pillow. She smiled again at Jon's peaceful expression, what little she could see from behind his arm anyway.

She grabbed her bag and shoved her boots on, shrugging her jacket on as she closed the door quietly and quickly made her way outside.

It had been raining again, the pavement still wet and the smell of it still in the air. She quickened her pace as she glanced up at the ominous black sky above. Scotland was famous for rain but the West coast always had it worse. Although in her hometown, there was sometimes heavy snow that came down from the glens. Once when she was ten, it had been so heavy, that Robb had helped her and Arya build a full igloo. They had been so proud until Grey Wind, Robb's beloved puppy he had adopted, came and peed on it before they had a chance to get their parents to come and see it.

She grabbed a basket as she entered the shop. She headed to the fruit and veg section, passing the clothing section when she paused.

She could see the underwear section in front of her and a purple set had caught her eye. She never did have much selection of underwear colours mostly sticking to simple black or blue to match her eyes. But purple was her favourite even though she hardly had any clothing that colour. She selected her size and tossed it in the basket before continuing.

She took a punnet of strawberries and blueberries as well as a couple of bananas. She took a tub of cream as she passed the chilled section and then a carton of orange juice and milk. She quickly went down the meat aisle to grab bacon and sausage slice before taking a loaf of bread. She paused in the bakery section, looking at the cakes. She grabbed the Victoria sponge in the end and then proceeded to the stationary section to look at cards. There wasn't a huge selection so she went with a blank one that had a dog wearing a party hat. It was the thought that counted after all she thought as she made her way to the checkouts.

She checked her phone as she left the shop, thankful it was only five minutes past eight. Jon was likely still asleep so she hurried back to surprise him.

The flat was silent when she entered and toed her boots off. She hung her jacket up and placed her bags on the counter before padded softly to her room, peering at a still peacefully sleeping Jon.

She hurried back to the kitchen, switching the grill on. She pulled her shopping out and sliced the bacon and sausage packets open. She grabbed a bowl and tossed some blueberries in. She cut a few of the strawberries up and tossed them in too before turning to put the bacon and sausage on the now heated grill. She watched her hands and then filled the kettle, switching it on as she pulled two mugs from the cupboard.

She quickly opened the card, scrawling a quick 'happy birthday Jon' inside, signing it with three kisses. She quickly went into the bathroom to change into her new underwear, throwing her dress back on but leaving her legs bare.

Once the bacon and sausage sandwiches were ready she put them on the tray with the bowl of fruit, bananas, jug of cream and her cup of tea and the coffee for Jon. She placed the card in front of the mugs to prop it up before heading through to the bedroom.

With no free hands, she banged into the door a little harder than she intended. Jon stirred slightly, raising his head to blink sleepily at her.

"What is this?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

"Happy early birthday!" she said brightly holding the tray out.

He pulled himself up into a sitting position, eyes wide in surprise.

"What?" he responded, giving a nervous laugh. "Sansa, you didn’t have to."

"There is a cake too," she added, ignoring his protest as he took the tray to place on his lap and took one of the bacon sandwiches. She pulled her dress off, giggling as Jon stared, sandwich halfway to his mouth.

"Those new?" he asked eventually before finally biting into his sandwich, still regarding her underwear. She grinned, pulling up the covers to slide in beside him.

"Yup," she purred as she took her own sandwich from the plate.

“I like it,” Jon said. She beamed at him before they finished their food in silence. After they had finished their tea and coffee, Sansa took the mugs and placed them on the bedside cabinet.

"So, I didn't have time to get you anything but then I thought..." she trailed off, her nerves kicking in. It was such a stupid cliché.

"Hmm?" Jon prompted, glancing at her.

"I could be your gift," she said. Jon's eyebrows rose in curiosity so she continued, her fingers tracing his arm for added effect. "You can do whatever you want to me today. Or get me to do whatever you want to you," she whispered. 

"That is a dangerous road," he replied with a grin, eyes practically black as he regarded her and his voice dropping as he continued. "I have far too many fantasies of you to count."

She laughed in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah," he commented easily before putting the tray on the floor. "Now I'm going to kill the mood and remind you that I have morning breath."

She laughed again. "There is a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet you can use."

"Thanks Sans," he said before getting out of bed.

Sansa couldn't help but smile at the name. It was always associated with endearment for her ever since Robb had called her it as a kid and her siblings and friends too. She watched as he stretched, arms reaching up above his head. Unconsciously she licked her lips at the sight of him, eyes traveling to his glorious ass.

"You checking me out?" he asked over his shoulder.

She shrugged, turning so she was on her side, chin propped in one hand. He grinned as he padded out of the room. She heard him opening the cabinet and then the run of the water.

"If you're serious about my gift, I suggest you eat another sandwich. You'll need your energy!" he called out to her.

"You reckon you can manage more than one round in your old age?" she teased. "Twenty-seven is practically thirty you know!"

"Careful!" he said lowly. "And technically I'm not twenty-seven until one sixteen am!"

"How specific!" she laughed even as she grabbed another sandwich. "Better make the most of these last hours before you risk putting your back out!"

"The cheek!" he cried, reappearing in the doorway. Sansa licked her lips at his nakedness. Jon grinned devilishly. "Do I have to spank you again to teach you some manners?"

She bit her lip at the thought but slowly shook her head. She had enjoyed the spanking but wasn't in the mood for that this morning.

"I'll be a good girl," she purred, turning her body so she sat seductively against her pillows, arm lying across her headboard.

"Yeah?" Jon asked huskily, eyes trailing down her body. “Well, I think I should shower first.”

She raised her eyebrows giving a teasing laugh. “Is there much point in showering?”

"Probably not,” he responded. “But I really feel like I smell something awful!”

“Towels are in the bottom drawer,” she responded, pointing to the chest of drawers by the door.

“Cheers,” he grinned, grabbing one and heading out the door. “Won’t be long!” he called.

Sansa grabbed her phone, sending a quick text to Jeyne to see if she was free to go shopping later today or tomorrow. She still wanted to get Jon an actual present to open but she had spent so little time in his flat and his room that while she liked to think she knew by now what he liked, she didn’t know what he already had. She hoped Jeyne would be able to provide some advice on it. She smiled as Jeyne replied that she could do tomorrow and they could have lunch.

“What are you smirking at?”

She jumped, mobile falling from her hand in fright. She glared at Jon, who laughed as he rubbed the towel over his chest. Sansa felt her anger evaporate as she watched a few water drops trail down his belly. He grinned at her when he saw her watching and she averted her eyes quickly.

“So,” Jon said after a moment and Sansa looked back towards him as he moved to put the towel in her laundry hamper. He turned to face her, licking his lips as he regarded her and the spoke, his voice low with promise. “Are you going to do as you're told?"

"Anything you want," she grinned back, moving to lie seductively on her side. Her eyebrows rose as Jon's cheeks suddenly coloured slightly and he averted his eyes. "Are you blushing?"

Jon shuffled his feet before looking at her again and her curiosity was getting the best of her. Jon had never been embarrassed about anything in bed before. 

"It can't be that bad!" she laughed.

"It isn’t the fantasy that is embarrassing," he replied, cheeks going pinker. Her eyebrows rose again.

"So, then what is it?"

Jon shook his head slightly to show he wasn't going to answer her. She huffed just as he grinned again.

"I would like you to wear your heels again," he said. She blinked, her previous anger evaporating into amusement.

"Jon Snow!" she teased. "Do you have a kink for women in heels?"

"I have a kink for you in heels," he corrected, moving to kneel at the bottom of her bed, sitting back on his feet.

"Oh?" she questioned curiously as she shifted to sit on the side of her bed to strap her feet into her heels.

"Yeah," Jon whispered lustfully. "I always found it hot when you wore heels, looking all prim and proper and I would be thinking of how filthy you would be in the bedroom!"

Her cheeks flushed at his comment as she stood and turned to face him, ready for his appraisal.

Taking courage at his grin, she leaned forward to tilt his face up so she could press a chaste kiss to his lips. Jon’s lips twitched a little at the gesture and she did it again, pushing him down onto the bed and straddling him.

“So,” she mused teasingly, fingers circling his nipple. “what sort of thoughts did you have of me in heels? Want to fuck me while I wear them again?”

Jon’s cheeks coloured again as he cleared his throat. “I thought about… I thought about you touching yourself while wearing them.”

She paused, rearing back in shock at his words.

"I don't think I can," she replied shakily. While she undoubtedly felt more confident in many aspects of sex thanks to Jon's patience and skill, this still seemed too intimate for her.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, rising up to embrace her. He reached and unbuckled her shoes, letting them fall to the floor with a thud. He shushed her gently when her tears dripped onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable Sans."

"No, I'm sorry," she sniffed. "I've ruined your day because I can't be sexy and confident enough to give you what you want!"

"Stop it," he said harshly, rearing back to look at her. She felt her breathe catch at the steely look he gave her. "Don't you ever feel bad about saying no to me alright? It works both ways and I don’t want to do anything if you don’t want to, alright?"

She nodded slowly, still sniffling as she wiped away her tears.

"As for not being sexy," he continued "I am not listening to that nonsense!" 

He grabbed her hips turning her so she was on her back and he settled between her legs. He rocked his hips, brushing his erection against her covered mound. She gasped, hands automatically gripping his shoulders as he moved his head, his lips against her ear.

"Do you still think you're not sexy?" he asked. "I get hard every time someone mentions you Sansa. I think about those big blue eyes," he pressed a kiss to each of her eyelids before his lips traveling to her cheek.

"your pretty face." 

Kiss.

"Your perfect pink lips."

Kiss.

"Hmm," he grinned. "I think they should get a bigger kiss actually. I think about your mouth a lot."

"Yeah?" she replied, feeling her lips twitch into a smile before he descended again, prying her lips open to kiss her deeply.

"Yeah," he responded when they broke apart. "And your gorgeous long neck."

Kiss.

He grinned again as his hand traced the material of her bra. She sat up enough to let him reach around to unclasp it and she slid her arms through, the cups falling away to bare her breasts to him.

"I love your tits," he continued, gently pushing her back into her pillows.

He kissed down to the valley of her breasts before kissing a path to the right. She gasped as his tongue circled her nipple before he pursed his lips around it, suckling gently followed by the occasional gentle scrape of teeth. Sansa moaned, her fingers digging into his shoulders and her legs falling further open at the attention. He placed a kiss to the hard peak before repeating his attentions to her left breast.

"I could spend all day suckling and teasing these!" he whispered.

"Oh god, Jon!" she gasped as he rolled her nipples simultaneously between his thumb and forefinger.

"I love them," he repeated. His grin widened and he slide down, lips kissing down her stomach while his eyes stayed on her face. "But if I did spend all day with them I fear I'd miss out on something else."

His fingers dipped into her underwear, teasing her folds until they settled on her clit, rubbing in slow circles.

"Mmmm," he commented happily as he felt her wetness grow on his fingertips.

His other hand pulled at the material until she was bare before him. He slid to his stomach, his hands on her thighs to keep her spread open.

"I fucking love your cunt," he whispered before he descended on her, tongue driving up through her folds and settling on her clit.

She wailed, hands leaving his shoulders to curl in his hair as he flicked his tongue over her clit over and over and over.

"Your gorgeous..."

Flick.

"wet,"

Lick up, up up.

"tight,"

His tongue curled inside of her and Sansa cried out. Her body shaking, shivering, tensing around him.

"cunt," he finished placing a kiss to her clit as she came down, the action causing her hips to jerk slightly.

He flopped down beside her, hand holding her hip gently as she regained her composure. She glanced at him, unable to stop her lips lifting in a small smile only for it to grow when he smiled back.

"I mean it," he said. "I never want to make you uncomfortable. And I don't want you doing something just because you think I want it alright?"

 She nodded but then she grinned at him as she remembered the other part of his gift she had planned.

"You know, that cream won't last long out of the fridge," she commented lightly, watching in amusement as it dawned on him what she was implying.

“Maybe we better do something about that,” he replied, rolling over to reach for the bowl of fruit and the cream, settling them carefully between them.

She reached forward, taking a strawberry from the bowl and dipping it into the jug. Jon wrinkled his nose, clearly disapproving of the motion but the look soon disappeared as he met her eyes and she pursed her lips around the fruit, giving an elaborate moan at the taste. In truth, the strawberries were rather bitter as they always were at this time of year but she had known this was what she had wanted to do with him and strawberries had seemed the easiest fruit to work with. The cream eased the taste a bit.

“And you say you’re not sexy,” he teased, taking a strawberry himself. His face screwed up and she giggled at his expression.

He gave her a mock glare but she simply shrugged, grinning up at him as she sucked the juice from her fingers. Jon groaned in despair, turning to take another strawberry from the bowl before tracing her lips with it until she parted them. She kept her eyes on him as she sucked it in, allowing his fingers to follow and descend into the wet heat of her mouth.

“Fuck Sansa,” he whispered, shaking his head to stop himself watching her as she enthusiastically continued to suck on his fingers.

He eventually had the strength to pull them from her, turning to get the jug of cream. He grinned at her as he tipped it slightly, allowing the cool liquid to drip just above her breasts. He put the jug down on her bedside cabinet before moving down on her, licking the cream from her bosom up to her neck. She moaned as he kissed her sensitive spot by her ear and suckled on her earlobe. She watched him lean across, dipping his finger in. His grin widened as he let his finger trace down her throat, his tongue immediately following the trail. She hummed, eyes closing in satisfaction.

She jerked suddenly, a gasp escaping her as the cold liquid dropped onto her nipple. She moaned loudly as Jon’s tongue flicked over the nub in quick bursts, like a cat licking from a bowl. He did the same with her other breast. Sansa began to writher helplessly beneath him crying out when he started to suckle her. He moaned around the nipple, releasing it suddenly as he flicked his tongue over it again before he spoke.

“Sans,” he groaned, rearing up to kiss her deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck, teeth biting into his lip and swallowing his gasp. He groaned again as he gently pushed her back. “Sans, I need to be inside you!”

She nodded, scraping her teeth along his neck as he reached for the drawer. Jon’s hips jerked against her, his head dropping into the crook of her neck at her attentions. His hand clenched into the sheets as she sucked on his shoulder, relishing his loss of control. He hissed, rearing back onto his heels to put the condom on and Sansa grinned, rolling to reach down and grab her heels. She threw a wink at his shocked expression as she slipped her feet into them, raising her eyebrow expectantly as she extended one foot towards him. Jon took her ankle gently, leaning to place a kiss on the skin before he buckled the shoe and placed her leg around his waist. She did the same with her other foot, grinning up at his soft smile.

“Can I…?” she started, biting her lip as he paused, cock brushing her entrance. He hummed softly, signalling for her to continue. “Can I go on top?”

He grinned, wordlessly gripping her hips and flipping them over to the side so their legs were hanging off the side of the bed. He shifted up, placing his feet on her carpet while she straightened herself above him, bringing her clit into contact with his head. She gasped, driving her hips again to chase the feeling. Jon groaned, gripping her hips again and raising her up, guiding her to sink onto him.

“Oh, fuck Sans!” he moaned, gritting his teeth as he fell against the covers, fingers digging half-moon crescents into her hips. She moaned in return as she began to move. Jon’s eyes fell shut, his lips parting and Sansa flushed at the reaction he had to her.

“You like me on top?” she asked breathlessly, her hand pressed to his chest to steady herself. Her thumbs reached out to trace his nipples. Jon whimpered, nodding his head helplessly as his eyes opened halfway to watch her as she descended on him again and again and again.

“Urgh, Sansa!” he panted, hand leaving her hip to travel to her swollen nub and rubbing in tight circles. Sansa gasped, head tipping back as her hips rolled faster, faster, harder.

Jon whimpered beneath her, his eyes falling closed again as he grasped her hips tighter. Sansa gripped his shoulders in response, driving down on him, watching him unravel beneath her. His reaction was insanely hot she thought and then she gasped, her whole body alight with pleasure as an image suddenly came to mind.

Jon, tied to her bed and completely at her mercy.

She came suddenly, wailing and shaking, gasping out his name.

“Oh fuck!” Jon groaned in response as she tensed around him. His hands dug harder into her hips as he bucked into her, jerking as he finished with a choked moan of her name. She collapsed onto his chest, hearing his heart pounding wildly as his hand came up to stroke her back.

“Fucking hell,” he laughed breathlessly. Sansa chuckled along with him.

“Was that another fantasy?” she asked, moving to look at him. Jon nodded, eyes closed again.

“You on top, wearing heels,” he moaned, grinning up blindly. “I don’t know how I lasted as long as I did!”

“You really like me on top?” she asked, completely baffled by the thought. Jon snorted, a sliver of grey appearing as he half-opened his eyes to look up at her.

“I like you anyway you want,” he responded.

She laughed the end trailing into a gasp as he lifted her off of him and gently set her to the side. He moved to dispose of the condom and then came back to her on the bed.

“You’re usually on top,” she mused. “Or behind,” she added. Jon shrugged.

“Like I say, whatever way you want,” he said as his lips curled up in a smirk. “Speaking of which, do you have a preference for round two?”

The thought of Jon tied to her bed returned to her suddenly and she bit her lip. Jon raised his eyebrows, smirk growing with his curiosity. She instead deflected, giving him a coy smile and opening her legs invitingly. Jon’s eyes dropped straight to her cunt, his eyes dilating instantly.

“Birthday boy decides,” she purred. Jon’s eyes flicked to her heels and then up to her face, his tongue tracing his bottom lip.

“Would you…?” he began, licking his lips again. Sansa hummed to show she was listening. “Would you suck me off while wearing them?” he asked, nodding to her shoes. She laughed again, giving him a playful roll of her eyes.

“You really do have a thing for them huh?” she replied with a smile.

Before he could respond, she rolled over him, kissing him deeply as she reached for a pillow, tossing it to the floor. She grinned at him before kissing a trail over to his ear and then down to his cheek, his neck, his chest. She flicked his nipples with her tongue, humming in delight as he groaned in response.

“Do you…?” he asked, gasping as she scraped her teeth across his hard nipple. She hummed again as she knelt on the pillow, this time in question as she started trailing kisses, down, down, down.

“Do you have a kink?” he finished. She paused, lips hovering above his belly button as that image returned to her. It was enough time for him to realise she did and she could feel his grin boring into the top of her head. She glanced up at him, biting her lip again and ducking behind her hair as she mumbled. He leaned up on his elbows, regarding her curiously.

“Yes,” she said eventually, feeling her cheeks colour. Jon’s grin widened, his eyebrows rising in silent question. She sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “But I’ll tell you later.”

“Oh, come o-urgh!”

His elbows collapsed under him and he fell back with a soundless gasp as she took the head of his cock in her mouth. She bobbed her head slowly, tongue swirling around his head as she came up each time. She hallowed her cheeks, her hand coming up to tease his balls. She traced her fingers along the shape of them and Jon bucked up suddenly in shock. Sansa reared back with a splutter.

“Shit, Sansa! I’m so sorry!” he gasped reaching for her. She grabbed his hands, slamming them down on the bed.

“I’m fine,” was all she said before she engulfed him again. Jon’s fingers curled between her own, squeezing them as she licked and sucked at him.

“Fucking sexy woman,” Jon groaned out, rising to his elbows again. Sansa felt her cheeks flush at the words, eyes rising up to his face. Jon was panting harshly, eyes wide and he untangled his fingers from hers, only to dig them into the covers. “Sansa, I’m…I’m gonna…”

She hummed in response, closing her eyes for a second as she gave a long, slow suck and then descended again. Jon whined hips bucking up and hands moving to sink into her hair as he spilled into her mouth. She swallowed as she looked up at him and Jon gave a helpless groan, arm coming up to cover his eyes. She grinned as she moved to straddle him again.

“Give me a minute,” he muttered. “I’m getting old you know!” She giggled but rolled off of him, reaching to unbuckle her shoes.

“Would you like some cake?” she asked. His eyes slid open halfway and he gave her half a smirk.

“Can I eat that off of you too?”

“Jon,” she sighed dramatically, giving a mock roll of her eyes. Jon snorted, rolling onto his side to look at her.

“Is that a no?” he called as she went into the kitchen to get the cake.

She quickly put the cake on a plate and cut it into pieces. She put four pieces on another plate before putting the other back in the fridge. She carried the smaller portioned plate back through to her room. He was leaning on his side when she returned, grinning at her.

"I never thanked you for the birthday cake you made me when I first came to the Stark's," he said suddenly. She blinked.

"You remember that?"

"Of course," he laughed. "It meant a lot to me."

"I thought...I thought you hated it because you wouldn't touch it," she responded. 

"I didn't want to destroy it," he grinned sheepishly and then he gestured to the plate she carried. "But you know, I just love cake in general."

“I would have left it whole and put candles on it but it would have been a fire hazard,” she teased as she set the cake down. Jon smacked her ass.

“What did I tell you about manners?” he said. “Respect your elders!”

Sansa shrugged playfully, offering him the plate. He raised his eyebrows slightly as he took a bit.

“What?” she asked.

“Just… I never thought you were somebody who would eat in bed,” he laughed. “And now we’ve had breakfast, fruit and cake.”

“I don’t normally but I was going to need to wash these anyway.”

“Oh?” Jon responded, the word muffled by the cake in his mouth. Sansa narrowed her eyes playfully.

“Manners!” she teased. He rolled his eyes but swallowed the food in his mouth before speaking again.

“Suppose we better make the most of it then. Get it really dirty,” he grinned. Sansa laughed, shaking her head at him.

“Is the old boy ready for another round?” she asked lightly.

“Oi!” Jon responded, pinching her arm lightly. She twisted so she could lean over him and place a small kiss to his lips.

“But seriously,” she whispered, giving him a seductive smile. Jon grinned.

“Ready when you are,” he responded.

***

 

“He’s coming up!” Arya cried from her spot by the window.

Sam quickly went to the light switch waiting as everyone scrambled to their hiding places. Arya leapt across the sofa and jumped off the arm as she ran to the kitchen to light the candles on the cake. Once everyone was hiding, Sam flicked the switch and then they could hear him move to the side. A moment later, they heard Jon’s keys in the lock and the light from the hallway suddenly flooded the room.

“Happy birthday!” they cried in unison as Jon flicked the switch, jerking back in fright and blinking in shock as Arya appeared with the cake and a huge grin.

“Guys!” Jon said with a disbelieving laugh as he hung his jacket up and closed the door.

“Don’t get all mushy man!” Robb replied even as he moved to throw an arm around Jon’s shoulder.

“Health hazard approaching here!” Arya called out as Robb had effectively blocked her path and the candles were dangerously close to his jumper. Sansa met Jon’s eyes, smirking as she remembered their joking the day before. She walked around the coffee table to go through to the kitchen to get a drink.

She was looking for a wine glass when the door opened. She glanced over her shoulder, giving Ygritte a small smile. Ygritte paused in the doorway and Sansa’s smile fell at the look on the other girl’s face. She hummed to herself as she poured her wine, putting the bottle back in the fridge.

“Do you love him?” Ygritte asked suddenly and Sansa choked on the gulp of wine she had just taken. She blinked at Ygritte.

“Sorry?” she asked, tearing a piece of kitchen roll to wipe her mouth.

“You heard me.”

“Does it bother you?” Sansa asked. “Jon and I hooking up?”

“Yes,” Ygritte replied with a shrug. Sansa frowned. Ygritte was Jeyne’s friend but Sansa barely knew her. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with what her and Jon were doing when Jon said he had explicitly ended it with Ygritte and wouldn’t sleep with her as long as they had their arrangement.

“I’m sorry,” Sansa replied and she was in a way. She never liked to hurt anybody. “But Jon can make his own decisions.”

She moved past Ygritte to go back into the living room where Arya had cut up the cake. Her sister held out a plate to her which Sansa took before moving to sit in the armchair, her eyes firmly on the plate as she ate. She could feel Jon glancing at her but refused to look at him. Sansa had noticed how glazed Ygritte’s eyes had been when she had passed and she didn’t want to aggravate a drunk Ygritte.

“So, Jon, best present so far?” Arya asked. “Apart from the handmade bat mobile model obviously!”

“That was too hard to beat,” Jon replied. Sansa glanced over and noticed he was wearing the sweater she had bought him. She averted her eyes again when he looked at her.

“Hey birthday boy!” Ygritte said suddenly, leaning against the doorframe with a smirk. Sansa was suddenly irritated with the girl’s presence. Jon blinked at Ygritte but said nothing or gave any indication of noticing her attempted seductive pose.

“You’re drunk,” Jeyne said, moving to take Ygritte’s arm.

“Remember your birthday a couple of years ago?” Ygritte cackled. “That was a wild night! I taught you many a thing about women that night eh?”

Sansa glanced at Jon, who rather than look embarrassed looked furious at Ygritte’s antics. Sansa then made the mistake of making eye contact with Ygritte, who smirked at her.

“You’re welcome sweetheart!” she said as she winked at Sansa.

It took less than a second for Robb and Arya to swivel their heads in unison, matching looks of horror on their faces.

Chapter Text

The silence was deafening as Sansa’s eyes darted from her horrified siblings to Jon, trying to work out what to say.

“Okay,” Jeyne said, grasping Ygritte’s arm firmly. “I think we should get you some water!”

She pulled Ygritte from the room. She looked at Sansa over her shoulder in apology, her concerned eyes travelling to Robb and Arya on the couch. She mouthed that she would be back before guiding Ygritte from the room.

“Maybe I’ll go out for a smoke,” Val said suddenly and Jon’s friends who had come around agreed, quickly getting up with her.

Sam and Gilly exchanged looks but surprisingly, Sam stayed seated. Perhaps he wanted to be here to protect Jon from the wrath of her siblings. Gendry moved to get up, saying he was going to the bathroom.

“So you were the girl he was hooking up with?” Arya said after another long moment of silence. Robb whipped his head around.

“You knew?!”

“I knew Jon was seeing someone,” Arya replied. “I didn’t know he was fucking our sister!”

“We’re consenting adults,” Sansa said firmly. “We’re just having some fun for Christs sake. Everybody just needs to calm down!”

Jon glanced at her for a brief second before he looked down. Sam and Gilly were staring at Jon intensely but Jon was determinedly avoiding looking at them, his beer bottle suddenly seeming the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Did he tell you that he just wanted some fun?” Robb hissed, rising up and for a moment Sansa thought he was going to hit Jon as he turned to face him.

“I called him first!” Sansa replied, standing herself and gripping Robb’s arm.

“Hang on!” Arya cried out suddenly, pointing at Jeyne who had just re-entered the room. “You said you gave Sansa Jon’s number! You knew about this?"

Jeyne froze in the doorway as Robb swiveled to look at her in horror.

“I found out after the first time,” Jeyne said quickly. "I was just covering for Sansa in the conversation because she didn't want to say anything."

Jon was still determinedly looking away. She saw him glance at Jeyne and for a moment, they held each other’s gaze, something unspoken passing between them.

“How long has this been going on?” Arya asked.

“About six weeks,” Sansa responded. Arya groaned, hands coming up to her face.

“Jesus Sansa,” she muttered through her hands. Sansa frowned, wondering what was so bad when Arya spoke again. “Is this a rebound thing?”

“What?” Sansa responded with a surprised laugh which died when she met Arya’s steely gaze. Robb looked even more horrified as he turned on Jon again.

“Fuck sake now you’re taking advantage of her emotional state? Who the fuck are you?”

“I can make my own decisions!” Sansa replied hotly, hands on her hips in defiance.

“Two weeks after you dump Harry you’re in Jon’s bed,” Arya responded coolly. “Or he’s in yours I guess if you called him. Either way, that isn’t normal Sans. You can’t get over somebody that fast, even someone like Harry. I get if you needed to let off steam or whatever and hooked up with Jon for a one-time thing.”

“Excuse me?!” Robb spluttered. Arya continued as though she hadn’t heard him.

“But now, I’m just wanting to know if you’re using Jon as a rebound instead of actually getting over Harry?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Everyone turned to Jon as he spoke for the first time. He was still looking at the beer bottle, fingers peeling at the label. Sam frowned at his friend, chewing his lip as though he wanted to say something. Jeyne glanced away, suddenly interested in the wall to the side of her.

“I knew what I was doing,” Jon continued. “Sansa made it clear right from the start. So, it doesn’t matter to me what her reasons were. I knew the deal.”

“But,” Sam started before Gilly nudged him in the side with a look.

 “Oh, don’t suddenly play the good guy!” Robb snapped at Jon.

 “I better check on Ygritte,” Jeyne said quickly.

“I know I’m not good enough for her Robb alright? I don’t need your big brother act to tell me that!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sansa responded in annoyance.

“Nothing,” Jon replied quickly. “Just that I know I’m not really your type.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” she protested weakly but it sounded dull to her own ears. She had undoubtedly always had crushes on blonde men who were confident and charming. Jon wasn’t really any of those things, although he was most certainly confident in the bedroom she conceded. Jon shrugged at her response.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, his lips giving the barest of smiles, almost like it was an effort.

“I am attracted to you,” she argued. “I wouldn’t sleep with you if I wasn’t!”

“Jesus!” Robb muttered, shaking his head.

“I know,” Jon replied. And Sansa frowned again, even more confused as she tried to work out what the point of this conversation was.

“Look,” Arya said after a moment. “I’m not going to pretend I’m okay with the fact you lied to me about this and clearly trusted other people enough to tell them or have them involved or whatever. But you’re right, you are adults. I just think this is getting dangerously close to the line between fun and serious and you need to decide what to do about that. Personally, I think you’re not ready for a serious relationship right now Sans.”

“Why did you encourage her on that date with Aegon then?” Jon replied. Arya laughed nervously.

“Ironically, I heard Aegon was good in bed and thought Sansa could use some fun,” she responded. “I didn't think anything would come from it so didn't see the harm in Sans having some fun. But then it turned out he did actually really like you. You guys though, there is something else there for sure.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne said suddenly, appearing in the door again. “Ygritte wants to talk to you.”

Jon jerked suddenly, head swivelling to look between Jeyne and Sansa. Sansa swallowed nervously as she saw everyone look at her, clearly wondering if she would go and speak to Ygritte. Part of her was terrified that Ygritte would lash out at her, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong really. But the other, bigger part of her really wanted to know what Ygritte’s problem was.

“I’ll be there too,” Jeyne added. Jon stood up suddenly.

“No,” he started, staring straight at Jeyne, who swallowed thickly while looking away from him.

“I’ll be fine,” Sansa responded, moving to walk past him. Jon blocked her path, his eyes wide.

“Sansa please,” he begged and Sansa blinked in surprise at how panicked he looked. “Please, can we go somewhere to talk first?”

“Why?” she asked in confusion, trying to move past him again. Jon grasped her arm gently.

“Oi, get your hands off of her!” Robb barked, moving to shove Jon away from her.

“Don’t Robb!” Sansa cried as Jon lost his footing, falling hard on the floor his hands bracing against the floor.  

“Robb!” Jeyne gasped before she glared at Robb.

Jon sat for a moment on the floor in shock before he lowered his head in defeat. From his room, they could hear Ghost start to howl.

“I’m going to go and check on him,” he said thickly after a moment, deliberately keeping his head down.

Sansa reached for him as he stood but he jerked his hand away. Jeyne stared at him, opening her mouth to say something as he moved past her but he slammed his bedroom door shut seconds later. Sansa blinked in shock before she whirled around on Robb.

“This is why I didn’t say anything!” she hissed. “How could you do that to Jon?”

“Me? He is taking advantage of you!”

“I called him first and I’m a grown woman. We’re just having some fun, I don’t see what the big deal is. Everything was fine until Ygritte opened her big mouth!”

“Jon had more to lose from this than Sansa,” Jeyne added, arms crossed as she glared at Robb. “That was just being mean Robb!”

“Are you wanting them together or not?” Robb snapped at her.

“I want people to be happy, whatever that entails!” Jeyne replied hotly. “And a lot could be solved if people just bloody talked!” she yelled the last part in the direction of Jon’s door.

“Apologise to Jon,” Sansa growled at Robb. “You had no right to do that. Jesus Robb, you were his first true friend, he never belonged anywhere before he met you at university!”

Robb did look ashamed then, looking away from everyone in the room. Sansa sighed, holding her forehead in her hand for a moment as they heard music starting to play from the kitchen.

All I know, is that you’re so nice.

You’re the nicest thing I’ve seen.

“Urgh, I forgot about Ygritte,” Sansa sighed after a moment, the direction of the music reminding her of the girl who was in there. “But I want to speak to Jon first,” she said. Jeyne glanced at her, giving a small nod.

I wish that we could give it a go.

See if we could be something.

Sansa took a deep breath and wandered down the hall to Jon’s door. The song got louder as she passed the kitchen and knocked on Jon’s door gently.

I wish I was your favourite girl.

“Jon?” she called softly, hand pressing on the door. “Jon can I come in?”

I wish you thought I was the reason, you are in the world.

She gently pushed the door open, her eyes straining against the darkness of his room. He was on his bed, back to the door, one had under his pillow the other resting on Ghost’s head who was curled up beside him, looking over his hip at her.

I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile

I wish the way that I dress was your favourite kind of style.

“Jon,” she said again as she closed the door. He didn’t even flinch at the sound of her.

I wish you couldn’t figure me out

But you’d always want to know

What I was about.

“Talk to me,” she pleaded, kneeling on the bed behind his body and peering at him. She could barely make him out in the dark but she could see the dark pools of his eyes as he continued staring dead ahead of him.

I wish you’d hold my hand

When I was upset

She remembered when she had had a crush on a boy at school. She couldn’t even remember his name now. She had been fifteen, her first real crush. And at the time, she had truly believed this boy had broken her heart when he had laughed at the idea of dating her. He had said he would date Margaery instead to which Margaery had responded by dumping her vanilla milkshake on his head. She had feigned illness to go home early, forgetting that Robb and Jon were home from university. Jon had been sitting reading a book on the couch when she had flown through the front door, slamming it shut and breaking down in tears.

He had come out to her in the hallway, sliding down the wall to sit beside her as she talked about her broken heart and how unfair everything was. Jon didn’t call her silly or even insult the guy, he just listened to her get it all of her chest and then asked if she wanted to have some ice cream and watch Moulin Rouge. He and Robb had originally planned on playing games but he had insisted that Robb would understand and give Sansa control of the living room television for once.

She lay down again, letting him know silently that she was here for him, just like he had been there for her.

I wish you’d never forget

The look on my face

When we first met.

She had only met him a few months prior to that moment. He had blinked in surprise when she had come bursting through the kitchen looking for her favourite cardigan which was in the dryer. Robb was introducing Jon to their parents at the time. She had smiled brightly at him, remembering her manners and Jon had barely lifted his lips in response, looking away from her quickly. She had become annoyed at his sullenness and avoided him as much as possible from then on, thinking him incredibly rude. She barely remembered them being alone together, could even remember one time she had been in the window seat in the living room, reading a book and Jon had come in. They had looked at each other for a moment, she had smiled politely but Jon had mumbled an apology and left quickly.

“Have you spoken to Ygritte?” he asked suddenly, his voice low.

“No. I wanted to check on you first,” she responded, lying down behind him and gently placing her hand on his arm. Jon wrenched his arm away and Sansa reared back in shock. Jon had never withdrawn from her before but now he had done it twice tonight.

“Jeyne’s right,” he sighed. “So much could have been avoided if I had just talked to you.”

“About what?” she probed, turning her body closer to him but careful not to touch him again until he seemed to want her to.

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot

That you loved secretly

Because it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see

“Everything,” he whispered thickly and Sansa inhaled sharply, shocked at the fact that it sounded like Jon was on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry Sansa.”

Basically,

“Tell me how to help you!” she pleaded.

I wish that you loved me.

He turned his head then, his eyes shining in the dark as he looked at her. She swallowed at the intensity of his gaze, even in the dark.

I wish that you needed me.

“You can’t help me,” he sighed sadly after a moment, turning away from her again.

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars

Actually, I meant three

“Oh god!” she gasped as everything came together in her mind.

I wish that without me

Your heart would break

All the times Jon would smile at her with an underlying sadness when they hooked up. The nanosecond of frowning afterwards as though he was struggling with something in his mind. The jealousy about Aegon. The tension when he thought he was being too romantic, always waiting for her to say what was alright, waiting for her to say he could stay. His reaction to the agreement how easy he let her set the terms -“if that’s what you want.”

I wish that without me you’d be spending the rest of your nights awake

I wish that without me you couldn’t eat

All of Jeyne’s glances and frowns when she and Jon were together in a room. Her talk earlier about people getting hurt. The looks she exchanged with Jon tonight and how she had told Robb that “Jon had more to lose.”

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

And then Ygritte asking her in the kitchen earlier. “Do you love him?”

Do you love him?

Do you love him?

“How long?” she choked out.

“I don’t even know,” he responded. Sansa frowned. “I had such a massive crush on you but I was nineteen when I came home with Robb that first time and you were fifteen. I stayed away from you as much as possible. And besides, you were Robb’s sister. But then, over the years that crush became something more. I can’t even be romantic enough to tell you the moment I knew I loved you so,” he gave another mirthless laugh “guess that is just proof of how I’m not meant to be with you.”

Look, all I know

is that you’re the nicest thing I’ve ever seen.

“I…” she started, tears prickling her eyes because she couldn’t give him what he wanted. And she felt bad about the fact that Jon would now feel worse, thinking he had caused her distress when it wasn’t his fault. She took a shuddering breath. “Why did you go along with it?”

And I wish we could see if we could be something

Jon shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to manipulate you or make you fall in love with me,” he said quickly.

“I know,” she responded softly. She knew Jon wouldn’t do that to her.

“I just…”

Yeah I wish we could see if we could be something.

“I knew it was all that I would ever have.”

“Jon, I…”

“I’ll be fine,” he interrupted. “I’m used to it.”

“Jon,” she said sadly, reaching to grasp his shoulder but he tensed, shrugging her hand off.

“I need a moment alone before I go back out there,” he explained dully.

Sansa swallowed, wiping her eyes as she moved away from him and off of the bed. She glanced at him again when she got to the door but he was rigid. She shut the door gently behind her, holding the door handle for a moment as she contemplated what to do next. Her eyes went to the kitchen.

Ygritte looked up from the table when Sansa entered, her eyes red and puffy. For a moment, Sansa did feel sorry for her. She moved to the counter, leaning against it and folding her arms, giving Ygritte a look as she waited for an explanation.

“Jesus, I’m…I’m so sorry!” Ygritte said, covering her face with her hands.

“Robb may never forgive Jon,” Sansa retorted coldly. Ygritte let out a shuddering breath. Sansa uncrossed her arms, leaning back against the surface as she looked at Ygritte. “What happened with you and Jon? He told me he is in love with me, did you know?”

Ygritte snorted. “Of course, I knew. Originally, that was why we hooked up. I was attracted to him and I don’t doubt he was attracted to me. He was miserable about you dating Henry or Harvey or whoever the fuck he was.”

“Harry.”

“Aye, that douchebag,” Ygritte snorted. “So, you know? I offered to make him feel better. We started fucking around, and bless him, he tried.”

“Tried?” Sansa repeated, thinking Ygritte was talking about Jon’s skill in bed.

“To love me,” Ygritte responded. “He tried to be a decent boyfriend and be supportive, loyal and sweet.  I don’t know, I think he did love me in a way. Just not nearly as much as he loved you, I could never have gotten close to that. We would argue all the time about it even though he was always faithful and barely spoke to you. And that is what annoyed me too because I couldn’t even hate you really because you weren’t even aware of his feelings, you weren’t out to steal him from me. You, yourself had never done anything to me. But gods, I’ve always been jealous of you.”

Ygritte suddenly laughed, shaking her head at the sound.

“Do you want to know something? I wanted you guys to hook up that night at the bar."

“Why did you help hook Jon and I up if you loved him?” Sansa asked, frowning in confusion.

“Do you want the horrible selfish motives reason or the mature reason?” she asked with a bitter laugh. Sansa blinked in response, crossing her hands across her chest again. Ygritte shrugged as she continued. “Selfish reason first then. The horrible, selfish part of me thought that it could just be an intense infatuation. That he just needed to fuck you once and get it out of his system and be able to move on and have a relationship.”

“And Jeyne knew about this?” Sansa asked, insulted. Ygritte shook her head.

“She may have subconsciously known my selfish reasons for it but I gave Jeyne the mature reason. And to be fair, that was part of it too. Basically, the logical part of me told me not to bother wasting time on Jon, we could both just move on and be friends and I would get over him and he would be happy because he would finally have won your heart. Jeyne asked me over and over if I was okay with it because obviously she knew, she knew even though I hadn’t said it that Jon was never going to get over you, it was never going to be one fuck and it would be over, not for him. She tried to talk sense into us at the bar. To be fair, Jon wasn't for taking advantage anyway.”

“Was that why you asked if I loved him?”

“I wanted to know it was worth it,” Ygritte replied, staring at the table. “Turns out it wasn’t and both Jon and I have had our hearts ripped out and crushed.”

Jeyne entered the kitchen then and Sansa turned to her.

“Why didn’t you tell me Jon was in love with me?”

“It wasn’t my place to reveal his personal feelings Sansa especially when he never wanted me to,” Jeyne responded slowly. “And besides, I thought maybe you would realise how good Jon was for you and at least start dating properly so I wouldn’t need to say anything. But you don’t love him and when I realised that you weren’t even entertaining the idea of trying to have a serious relationship, I figured I had been wrong.”

“I…Somebody should have said something!” Sansa insisted.

“Would it change anything? Do you want to date Jon?” Jeyne responded, leaning back against the wall.

Sansa swallowed, looking away. She hadn’t thought about dating Jon, being in a serious relationship with him. Her silence was answer enough for Ygritte and Jeyne who let out sighs simultaneously. And at the end of the day, Arya was right. She hadn’t allowed herself to really mourn the end of her relationship with Harry. Even if she had been the one to end it, it wasn’t that simple. She wouldn’t ever get back with Harry, she knew that much. But that didn’t change the fact that ending a relationship was complicated and feelings were confusing.

“I told him to talk to you more,” Jeyne added with a mirthless laugh. “Told him it is quite amazing how people tend to like you more when you actually talk to them.”

“Yeah,” Sansa responded with her own dull laugh. “I remember when he text after that first night. He had asked what I was up to and I… I had thought he was wanting to hook up again…Gods I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not,” Jeyne replied.

“No, you are!” Ygritte said. Sansa glared at her. “You have a man who adores you, willing to do anything so long as he gets a fucking glance from you. He built you a dolls house for fuck sake!”

“Oh fuck,” Jeyne moaned, covering her eyes.

“He…what?” Sansa choked out, looking between them.

“Yeah. That dolls house you got for your twenty first, that was Jon. He spent months building it and drawing your family so he could get them just right in the dolls.”

“Harry…” Sansa started, swallowing thickly. “Harry said he made it.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne sighed. “Harry came around the flat to ask Robb and Jon for advice because he had said he didn’t have any idea what to get you for your birthday. Robb wasn’t in but Jon and I were. I told Harry that he should just ask you what you wanted. But Jon… I think he freaked out about it all. I mean, a guy giving you such a sentimental thing would undoubtedly cause problems with your boyfriend. So … Jon... he told Harry he would make a dolls house for him. Of course, he had already made it but nobody knew that at the time. It was only when he had dropped it off to Harry that I had come back from work to find him just lying on the sofa, staring at nothing. He had told me everything and I, I couldn’t help him and I couldn’t get Robb to help him. What could Jon and I do? You were happy with Harry.”

“And then I got a phone call from him saying he wanted to get so drunk, drunk enough to just forget everything,” Ygritte replied. “At the time, I still thought we would stay friends. And nothing happened that night but it changed something between us. It wasn’t long after that that we slept together for the first time.”

“Thank god he made friends with Sam soon after that. He recognised the signs of depression much easier than we did and convinced Jon to seek help. He was on antidepressants for a while. Sam said he would have preferred Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as it has fewer relapse rates. It might still be an option, if he has another episode.”

“He was depressed because of me?” Sansa replied in shock, gripping the counter. Jeyne shook her head quickly.

“No, no sweetie of course not! It was everything building up. Jon has never felt good enough. You know how tough he has had his whole life . Losing his mother so young, his father not wanting anything to do with him. His abusive uncle getting custody until it was finally highlighted and then being taken away and put in foster care but never truly finding a family that wanted him rather than the government support.”

“I think that was why he tried so hard to be a good boyfriend, so eager to learn how to please me in bed. I think he thought he might as well be good at something. Maybe he thought it would be enough.” Ygritte added sadly. 

Sansa inhaled sharply. “I need to go…I need to think.”

“Okay,” Jeyne responded with a small nod. “Just…promise you will talk to Jon.”

“Yeah,” Sansa replied, moving out of the kitchen. “Yeah of course.”

She went back into the living room where everyone was sitting in awkward silence and they all turned as she entered, watching her as she grabbed her coat and bag. She glared at Robb, pressing her lips in a thin line of disapproval.

“You don’t need to worry,” she said coolly. She glanced at Arya then. “I need time to think about things, about what I want.”

“I hope you figure it out,” Arya replied, giving her sister a small smile but it was genuine and Sansa managed a small nod in return.

“Please apologise to Jon,” Sansa said to Robb. “Please. I think…I think it is important for you to hear him out. Maybe you’ll be mad at me instead then.”

“Sans,” Robb started.

“I have to go,” she cut him off, weaving through the legs and the furniture and making her way to the door.

She walked quickly, not daring to look back. Her head was a mess as she tried to process everything in her mind. How had she been so blind? Jon had been in love with her for god knows how long and she had been oblivious.

“Do you love him?”

She slumped on the bus stop bench, her exhale forming a cloud in front of her.

“Do you love him?”

Her head hit the wall of the shelter with a thud, her eyes closing.

“Do you love him?”

She sighed again, wiping at the tears that were forming in her eyes.

No.

 

Chapter Text

“Little bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest!”

Jon curled his fingers, moving his wrist in time to the song he was singing. Nan grinned at him through the open kitchen door as Jon played on the living room carpet. She always told him to call her Old Nan and she was like the grandmother he never had. It was only his mother and him but when they moved to this flat, Old Nan had come over with a gingerbread cake, smiling at Jon kindly as he hid behind his mother’s legs. The cake had warmed him to her though and she was always kind and attentive. Jon loved her and loved spending time here when his mother was working.

“Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!” He picked up his stuffed dog toy, giving it a soft hit on the head.

“I’m back!”

Jon squealed, dropping his toy as he jumped up and launched himself into his mother’s waiting arms, giggling as she lifted him up to her face, rubbing his nose with hers. She beamed at him and Jon buried his face in her neck. He loved spending time with Old Nan next door but he was a mummy’s boy through and through.

“How is my handsome boy?” she asked, kissing his forehead.

“Perfectly behaved as always,” Nan said with a smile. “Always so happy and bright. I love having him here.”

“Thanks Nanette,” Lyanna replied warmly, setting Jon down on the ground again.

“Tea?” Old Nan asked as Jon went back to his stuffed toy.

“That sounds wonderful,” Lyanna replied, running a hand through Jon’s curls as she passed to help in the kitchen. “I am so nervous for tomorrow.”

“A child’s first day at school is always an emotional roller-coaster,” Old Nan said kindly. “I was a blubbering mess when my boy went. But I wasn’t the only one, which made me feel better.”

Lyanna laughed, looking over at Jon as he started singing his song again.

“Little bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head.”

“Jon is going to be so handsome in his school uniform,” Nan said proudly.

“Down came the good fairy, and she said.”

“He is so excited,” Lyanna grinned.

“Little bunny Foo-Foo, I don’t want to see you scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head! I’ll give you three chances and if you don’t behave, I will turn you into a goon!” Jon dragged out the ooooo, giggling up at his audience as he hugged his dog to his chest.

“So talented,” Lyanna beamed and Jon smiled wider, holding his arms out to his mum. “Jon, you are almost five, I can’t lift you all the time!” But she still laughed, kneeling down to Jon’s level and she hugged him tightly.

“All the girls are going to love you!” Nan said as she set the cups down on the coffee table. Jon wrinkled his nose.

“Girls are icky!” he replied. The women laughed and Lyanna kissed his brow.

“And you will think that for at least another ten years,” she beamed as she took her drink. Jon rolled away from her picking up his dog again.

“Puppy,” he giggled to himself. Lyanna smiled around her cup.

“It is going to be so strange, not having him all day. I was bad enough when he went to nursery in the mornings,” she sighed, watching Jon move the toy as if it was running across the carpet.

“You will get used to it,” Old Nan replied softly. “Do you want me to come with you tomorrow? I’d like to see him off and we can go for lunch afterwards?”

“That would be nice,” Lyanna grinned, draining her cup and turning to Jon. “Alright, handsome. Say goodnight to Nan!”

“Night night!” Jon called, running to hug Nan’s leg. She ruffled his hair in response.

“See you tomorrow sweetie!”

***

“Mummy look!” Jon called as he thrust the picture he drew in her face. Lyanna smiled, taking the picture and giving him a kiss on the brow as he nuzzled into her side, pointing at the image. “It is you and me and Nan. And puppy!”

“You are so talented my handsome boy!” she said. And it was true, Jon was just shy of his fifth birthday and already she could see him becoming a brilliant artist. “This is going on the fridge, pride of place! Nan is going to be so happy.”

“Can we get some cake?” Jon asked as Lyanna rolled the picture up and then helped him put his gloves on. He loved cake. She laughed.

“Were you good today?” she responded. Jon nodded proudly, his body swinging side to side. He was always good, he thought.

“Well, it is your birthday soon, surely you can wait another week sweetie.”

“But I was good,” Jon pouted. She laughed, squeezing his hand.

“I know and I am so proud of you,” she responded. “But you can’t get cake every time you’re good. The world isn’t like that sweetie.”

***

He stood in the playground, stepping up on his toes to peer over the gate. His mother should be here by now. He was cold and frightened, it was getting dark by three o clock now with January halfway through. Mother never forgot to come for him, or Old Nan if mother was working. Someone always came for him.

“Jon?”

He turned at the voice, his teacher approaching him from the school doors. Miss Mordane knelt in front of him, looking around the playground.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked. Jon rubbed his nose on his sleeve as he sniffed.

“Mummy isn’t here,” he responded, looking out on the street again.

“Okay honey,” she responded, taking his hand gently. “Lets go and wait for her inside will we? Get out of this cold.”

He sat in the classroom, not knowing what was going on. The Head teacher, Mister Reed was here now too, talking with Miss Mordane in soft whispers. Eventually, he left and Miss Mordane came back to him, taking his hand in his.

“Jon honey, what about your daddy?” she asked gently. Jon frowned.

“I don’t have a daddy,” he responded. “Where is mummy?”

“She’ll be here, I’m sure honey.”

“Miss Mordane!” Mister Reed called suddenly. She rose to leave the room again and Jon curled his arms around his waist. He felt sick and wanted his mother even more for it.

“Jon,” Mr Reed said softly. Jon looked up at him. He didn’t like how sad he looked, he didn’t like the silence. He wanted his mother to come already. Why wasn't she here?

“I want my mummy,” Jon said, his lip trembling. “I want my mummy, I want my mummy!” he screamed the last part, his fists balling up in frustration and his eyes burning.

“Jon, honey,” Ms Mordane said softly and Jon cried harder. Something was wrong.

Only when Old Nan came through the door, her eyes wide and wet did he move, running straight into her arms.

“I want my mummy!” he sobbed against her and she hugged him tightly to her.

“I know sweet boy, I know,” she murmured gently, kissing his brow. “Come with me, sweetie.”

His mother never did come for him.

***

He clutched his puppy toy close with one hand, the other grasped tightly in Nan’s hand. He stared at the coffin as it was lowered into the ground. He didn’t understand why his mum would be in there and not with him. Nan had said something about a car accident but mummy didn’t drive a car, he had thought. He was so confused about it all, he just wanted her to come back. Why would she leave? Had he been bad?

“She loved you so much Jon,” Nan said softly, stroking his hair. “I want you to always remember that alright?”

“When will she come back?” Jon asked, still not comprehending what was going on. Nan sighed softly. It didn’t matter how many times she tried to explain it, Jon was always still waiting for her.

“Hello?” a woman greeted, approaching them in her dark suit. She extended a hand towards Old Nan, a blonde man and young girl trailing behind her.

“Can I help you?” Old Nan asked. The woman held a card out, Nan took it with a frown.

“I’m Maege Mormont. Are you Jon Snow, young man?” the woman asked, kneeling down to him. Jon turned towards Nan’s leg, hiding his face. Maege continued in the same soft voice. She gestured to the people behind her. “Do you know this man? He is your uncle Viserys.”

The man’s lips barely twitched. “We’ll get his stuff and get out of your hair,” he said smoothly to Nan, who just gripped Jon’s hand tighter.

“He should stay with me,” Nan insisted.

“Oh I know it is hard to let go sometimes. But Jon should really be with family. If we find a blood relative, the system tries to keep them together,” the woman insisted.

“I am his family!” Nan insisted hotly. “He’s never met him!” she gestured towards Viserys.

“Thanks to an absent father, I understand,” Maege continued before gesturing the girl forward. “Daenerys is the same age as you, I believe, won’t it be nice to have a friend?”

“Hullo,” Daenerys murmured. Jon rubbed his cheek against Nan’s skirts, glancing between Daenerys and the adults shyly.

“I’ll let you say your goodbyes,” said the woman.

***

 “For fuck SAKE!”

Jon’s head snapped to the side with the force of the blow his uncle gave him. Daenerys whimpered behind him, sinking down into the gap of the sofa and the armchair.

“You fucking idiot!” his uncle yelled, spit flying onto Jon's face.

And Jon trembled, the broken glass glinting in the sunlight that streamed across the room from the window. The juice was already staining a deep purple on the carpet. It had been an accident, Jon had tripped over his shoe lace, not realising it was loose. The glass had fallen from his hands and smashed against the end of the coffee table. Daenerys had turned to him wide-eyed and then Viserys’s footsteps had come thundering through.

“I’m sorry,” Jon whimpered.

He cried out as Viserys grasped his arm tightly, fingers digging in harsh enough to leave marks on his skin. He dragged Jon to his room, shoving him so roughly that it caused Jon to tumble to the floor, the carpet burning his knees. The door slammed and then the sound of the lock clicking. Jon pulled himself up and leaned against the wall, head on his knees and his hands locked around them. He would be here until tomorrow morning now. Viserys always kept him or Dany in their rooms if they annoyed him. They seemed to always annoy him somehow.

When his mother had died, social services had tried to contact his dad. But Rhaegar had been unreachable and it had been his uncle Viserys who had come to get him. Jon had never met him or Daenerys before his mother’s funeral, but Viserys had known of his existence and had never contacted his mother. Now Jon thought perhaps his mother had been the one to prevent contact.

Viserys got angry at everything, especially Jon. Jon often took the fall for Daenerys too when she did something that would anger her brother. The blows hurt like hell and the hunger pangs kept him awake at night when Viserys would lock him in his room without his tea. But his mother had always helped others less fortunate than her, had told him to be kind and helpful to those less fortunate than him too. So, he would protect Dany from Viserys even if his stomach ached, his skin bleed and bruised and his eyes felt like sandpaper from lack of sleep.

He didn’t like living this far south in Gretna, practically on the border with England, far away from the Highlands he had loved as a child. It was a richer part of Scotland in living standards and while Jon didn’t have a problem with rich or successful people, when he went to his school and felt the burning looks of disdain from the other parents for his wrecked shoes, too short trouser legs and his shirt too big that it hung loosely around his arms in a scruffy manner, it made him want to curl up in a corner.

The other kids teased him relentlessly and Dany too. They only had each other and Jon thought perhaps that could be enough to see them both through all of this. They were family and their bond was the only good thing to come from his mother’s death. He even let her play with his puppy toy, the only thing he had left of his mother.

Eventually, one of the teachers started to notice Jon’s dark shadows, his lack of concentration in classes, his ever-declining state of dress. And the next thing he knew, social services were at the door. For a brief moment, he had thought everything was going to be fine, he and Dany would go and live with another family and be normal.

And at first, they were kept together in the foster home but then the family had decided they wanted to keep Dany and not Jon because they wanted a girl in a house full of boys. Dany had screeched in protest, hitting her new mother with Jon’s stuffed toy that she had been holding. Jon was silent in shock. First his mother, then Old Nan and now Dany. Why were they all being taking away from him? What had he done wrong? Even at seven years old, he was having to remind himself that his mother had loved him, Old Nan had insisted he remembered it and he did. But in times like these, he wondered why nobody else seemed to, and the few who did were taken from him.

Jon had begged and begged the workers but they had just told him softly that if he and Dany had truly been siblings, they would have stayed together in foster care. But they were not, they were aunt and nephew really. Jon had replied that he had been told once that they preferred children to be with a blood relative. That was the reason he was separated from Old Nan. But they had gently explained that that was in regards to guardians, not children where the relation extended siblings.

He never saw Dany again but had heard her foster family had moved to Oxfordshire.

He realised once he was bundled into the car that Dany still had his dog toy.

***

Ramsay Bolton was by far the worst person that Jon had ever had to deal with in the foster system. He would say he didn’t understand how he got put with the Bolton family considering Ramsay’s behaviour but then, the system had put him with Viserys after all.

“Bastard,” Ramsay greeted, nudging past Jon so hard he knocked him into the wall. Jon glared after him but knew to keep silent. Ramsay could hurt him as much as Viserys, and not always physically. Jon still felt sick thinking about the kitten Ramsay had found, the squealing noise it made as Ramsay had…

Jon had shoved him roughly, grabbing the kitten when Ramsay dropped it in shock and he had bolted, cradling the wailing creature to his chest and ignoring the blood soaking his shirt. He murmured to it softly in reassurance as he saw the vets in the distance.

In the end, the kitten couldn’t be saved and Jon had just stood numbly when the vet had told him. He really was useless, he couldn’t even save a kitten. The vet had told him it was better he got there when he did, the kitten would have suffered for much longer if he hadn’t. Jon still didn’t feel much better for it though. At eleven, he felt he had already forgotten his mother telling him to always look after those less fortunate than him. He vowed the next time he wouldn’t let Ramsay hurt someone.

Vowed it even as Ramsay held him down in the bucket of water until he was on the verge of blacking out.

When Ramsay had been holding Kyra, one of the girls from Jon’s class by the throat against the wall, his other hand thrust up her skirt, Jon had not hesitated.

Unfortunately, while it felt good to punch Ramsay at the time, it was Jon who was punished for it. He was expelled from school after Roose Bolton had said Jon had been responsible for things every pupil had known was Ramsay like setting fire to the toilets, the graffiti on the walls.

Kyra had been too scared to say anything either in Jon’s defence or to accuse Ramsay. Jon had known Roose had probably said or done something to defend his son, even if it was just for the selfish reason of protecting his family name and the business he had. Jon was well passed being surprised at being cast aside again. At least this time it really was for the best, Jon never wanted to stay here anyway. He loved the farm land they lived on as it allowed him to escape the Boltons attentions. But it was incredibly lonely and he hated the slaughterhouse Roose and Ramsay worked on that was nearby.

He only found the Freys marginally better to live with when he was moved to Kelso to live with them, they at least left him to his own devices but Walder Frey never failed to remind him of his place. He was a paycheck essentially, until he was sixteen. And then, he was out.

He tried not to think of what his mother would think of it all. If she had lived, she would be helping him with his homework, would be teasing him about girls in his class and telling him which ones she would accept as a future daughter in law. He would have friends over, he would have friends in general. He never stayed long in families normally, not long enough to stay in school and make friends and he had learned to not bother, keeping to himself.

It struck him then that he couldn’t even properly remember what his mother looked like.

***

“What would you like to do after school, Jon?” Mister Seaworth asked, regarding Jon over his clasped hands. Jon shrugged. He didn’t see the point in doing anything, he had nowhere to go and nobody to impress. Nobody would care what Jon did with his life, wouldn’t even care if he was hit by a car later. Just like his mother nine years ago.

“You have a talent for art and crafts,” Mister Seaworth continued, looking at the sheets in front of him as he tried to help Jon decided what Standard Grades to take in his third and fourth year of High School. “Mister Mikken says you excel in your tech classes, making things seems to be a great strength of yours.”

“I suppose,” Jon muttered, examining his fingernails.

“And Mrs Waynwood says you have a natural talent for art,” Mister Seaworth added, watching Jon closely. Jon glanced at him after a moment of feeling his continuous stare.

“And?” he questioned sullenly, looking away again.

“You’ve had a tough life Jon,” his teacher said softly. Jon kept his gaze determinedly at the wall. “But you have a chance to change it all. Architecture, perhaps? Would that interest you?”

Jon shrugged.

“Jon, you’re a good kid. Well, a young man now I suppose, you’re fourteen now yes?”

Jon nodded.

“Architecture is a good job to have, relatively safe industry and pays very well. It would take a long time to go through university, but it will be worth it. Or politics? I could see you being a good politician.”

Jon scoffed, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“You’re a good person Jon. The world would be a better place if more people like you were in charge of things.”

“I would need to talk though,” Jon retorted and tried to stop his own smile in response to Mister Seaworth’s grin.

“So, shall we put art and tech down as two subjects? You have to take maths, English and French. Now, history or geography? You have acceptable grades in both, although I do believe you are capable of higher than a C plus Jon. Which one interests you more?”

“History,” Jon mumbled. “If Geography was actually about countries and cultures and stuff that would probably win.”

“You want to travel?” Mister Seaworth asked with interest. Jon looked away again with a small nod. He liked Mister Seaworth but the kindness he was showing, Jon had always been wary of those who were kind to him. They never lasted long in his life.

“Stupid dream really,” he said with a mirthless laugh.

“No dream is stupid Jon,” Mister Seaworth replied kindly.

***

He was forever grateful to Mister Seaworth for the push he gave him in his third year of high school. For two years he had been staying anywhere he could afford, working as many hours as possible in his local Co-operative grocery store. He would take everyone else's shifts when they needed days off, he would take the early and late shifts which paid more. He did everything he could to keep the roof over his head and food in his belly. He had studied hard, thanks to Mister Seaworth’s constant praise and the need to prove to both his teacher and himself that he could do something, could be something.

And now, here it was. The University of Glasgow had accepted him unconditionally on its Civil Engineering and Architecture course. He had gone to school to show Mister Seaworth and to thank him for his reference.

“Well done Jon, I knew you would do it,” his teacher beamed. Jon felt proud for the first time in years. He knew if his mother were still alive she would be proud of him too and that made his eyes burn slightly as he remembered that after this, he would be right back to square one. Mister Seaworth would be gone from his life, just like everyone else.

***

“Is this seat taken?” the red-head asked, hand clasping the back of the chair across from Jon where he studied in the library. Jon shook his head in answer, going back to his laptop.

“Robb, by the way,” the man opposite beamed at him. Jon glanced over, resisting the urge to say that he had never asked.

It was three weeks into his course and he had deliberately stayed out of halls because he had just had it with people. People left after a while, when they realised Jon was not worth their time.

“Not a talker huh?” Robb grinned at him. Jon’s frown deepened.

“It is a library,” he reminded Robb, who grinned wider.

“What accent is that?” he asked curiously, ignoring Jon’s response. Jon exhaled sharply in annoyance but was realising this idiot was not going to leave him alone.

“Nothing specific,” he shrugged. “Grew up all over the place.”

“Your family traveled a lot?” Robb asked. Jeez, what was with this kid?!

“No,” Jon snapped. “My mother died when I was five and I was punted everywhere until I was no longer bringing in the government support.”

Robb’s eyes widened and he blinked several times in shock.

“Oh, that is so shit man,” he said after a moment and Jon snorted at him for stating the obvious. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't even imagine..."

Jon wanted to tell him to shut up, that he didn't need his pity. Still, there was something genuine about it, reminding him of Mister Seaworth’s genuine concern for him. And Jon couldn’t deny it did feel nice.

“But you’re obviously a survivor,” Robb continued, smiling at Jon again. “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.”

No, Jon supposed he wouldn’t be. He had definitely inherited resilience from his mother, although some days it still didn’t feel like it.

“You want to come out tonight?” Robb asked suddenly.

“I don’t really go out,” Jon replied. He wondered what Robb wanted from him. Maybe he needed to borrow his laptop.

“Well, do you want to catch a movie with me and my friend Theon? We’re going to see the Resident Evil movie.”

“I …don’t know what that is,” Jon replied, feeling his cheeks heat up. He had never watched much television as a kid, with all the moving about and the strict parenting. Viserys had always yelled when he and Dany watched television instead of doing something useful around the house. Jon quickly learned to not watch television or movies or play games if it meant one less bruise.

“It is based on a game,” Robb explained. “But you wouldn’t need to have played it. Although, we could have a games night instead if you…”

“What do you want?” Jon asked with a frown. Robb blinked.

“I’m just being nice,” he said after a moment and Jon softened. Robb had clearly been lucky enough to never know true pain or loss. He believed in being nice to people because it was just what should be done. Jon thought of his mother, what little he could remember of her and knew she would be just like Robb in this situation if she saw some lonely kid, desperate to be accepted despite trying so hard not to appear to need anyone.

“Right, sorry,” Jon muttered. He paused, looking down at his hand for a moment.

Maybe …maybe he should give people one last chance.

***

Robb had invited him to the Starks house for Christmas that first year but Jon had refused. He was still waiting for Robb to get bored of him, to realise he was not really worth the effort of being his friend. But Robb said he had spoken to his family about Jon, nothing private that Jon wouldn’t want shared, just that he had nowhere to go for Christmas and Robb’s parents had immediately insisted Jon come over. Nobody should be alone at Christmas, Robb’s mother had apparently said. Robb’s father had agreed, stating that Christmas was all about taking care of each other.

The second year, when he was nineteen, he finally agreed to go to the Starks, his stomach in knots all the way on the two-hour drive to the small village of Glamis in Angus.

“There isn’t much to do to be honest,” Robb told him. Theon scoffed in the back seat. His family were from Dundee and he was getting dropped off as they passed through it on their way.

“Damn right, there is only the castle on one side and then the boring town on the other! Can always do the women though,” he added with a wink. He leaned over so his face was between the front seats. “When is Sansa sixteen again?”

“Shut up Theon,” Robb snapped, eyeing his friend in the mirror.

“Your sister?” Jon clarified, remembering Robb explaining his family to him last night.

“Aye,” Robb responded. “She is a dreamer, a little naïve to be honest. I worry about her ending up with people like that douchebag!” Robb glanced back at Theon then, who gave a mock yell in protest.

“I won’t touch Sansa man, I just like winding you up about it. You’re still her knight aren’t you? Jon, did you know Sansa made Robb wear a flower crown once?”

“No!” Jon exclaimed with a laugh, trying to picture Robb with flowers in his hair. Robb glared in the mirror again.

“I might kick you out before Dundee mate!” he muttered. “And not being heartless enough to tell a six-year-old girl to get lost is nothing to be ashamed of!”

Jon smiled to himself. Robb really was a good person, the kind Jon had thought were long gone from his life. And Robb had more or less told him he was there to stay, even suggesting Jon move into the spare room that Theon would be moving out of after he transferred to Norway for a years exchange programme.

***

Catelyn Stark fussed over him throughout the time he stayed at the Stark's house. She offered for him to taste things before serving it up to make sure he would like it. Jon didn’t want to tell her that this was the first time in years anyone had cooked a decent meal for him, he had had to learn to cook himself so would gladly eat anything placed in front of him. She would insist on washing his clothes like she did with all her children and she always asked if he was warm enough before he went to bed.

Ned had spoken to him kindly too, telling him that he had struggled with shyness too when he was Jon’s age and it was nothing to be ashamed of. Ned was still a quiet man but there was a confidence about him that Jon admired greatly. He wished he had had a father like Ned in his life, a father who accepted the different personalities of all his children and loved them fiercely. A father who could never imagine a world without his children in it.

Bran and Rickon hadn’t been too fussed about the new addition in their house but he had bonded with them quickly enough. Bran was twelve and already talking about becoming a psychologist. Jon envied how easy he seemed to take his life, knowing what he wanted to do so young but it gave Bran a confidence to approach Jon and talk to him easily. Jon was grateful for that for he still struggled to be the one to speak first most of the time. He supposed being friends with Robb didn’t help in that respect – Robb definitely talked enough for the both of them and then some more.

Rickon was seven and it was his stuffed toy that had led to Jon’s bond with him. The dog toy was black whereas his had been white, but it looked the same design overall and Jon felt his heart twinge a little at the reminder of his mother. Jon perched on the arm of the sofa, gesturing to the toy.

“Does he have a name?”

“Shaggydog,” Rickon replied proudly.

“I used to have one,” Jon said, feeling his cheeks burn as everyone in the room looked at him. He was still getting used to being on the receiving end of good attention. “He was named ‘puppy’.”

Rickon snorted, grinning up at Jon from behind his dog. “That is a silly name,” he teased and for the first time, Jon had recognised it for what it was: endearment, acceptance.

Arya had been the easiest to get along with, it was an almost instant kinship. She liked to keep to herself like him, and seemed to understand when he needed time alone and when it was okay to come and sit with him. She had taken to Jon quickly as well, declaring on Christmas Eve that she would happily welcome him as another brother to which the Starks raised their glasses, even Sansa with a polite smile.

When Sansa presented him with a belated birthday cake, saying that Robb had told her that he hadn't had one since he was five years old, he had barely managed to stop himself from crying in front of everyone. She said she hadn't known what to get him for Christmas, hadn't wanted him to be left out , that it wasn't much but hoped that he would appreciate it all the same. And gods, he had! He had been so over-whelmed by her kindness and thoughtfulness he had forgotten to say thank you or even acknowledge the effort that it took. 

He looked away from her quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up again. Sansa was pretty, really pretty. And smart, she had just passed her English prelim with top marks. And she had passed all her other prelim exams with the lowest being a C plus in Maths, the others B pluses or As. She had always struggled with Maths apparently, according to Robb. Jon had said he had been alright at Maths and could tutor her if she wished. But Sansa had insisted she didn’t need him. He tried not to take it to heart, she didn’t know about his past. Robb had told them very little, allowing Jon to say what he wanted and what he didn’t. She didn’t know how important it was for him to feel useful, to use his strengths and show that he actually had a point of being here, eating the Stark's food and sleeping under their roof.

She had read her story out over dinner, Bran and Robb listening intently and smiling at her. Rickon and Arya made gagging noises whenever romance was mentioned until Jon scowled at Arya beside him in annoyance. She raised her eyebrows in question slightly but had behaved from then on. Jon went back to listening to Sansa, her soft voice echoing around the room and in his head all night.

He had been here for two weeks and already had the biggest crush on her.

***

Jon wished he had Robb’s charm or Theon’s confidence. He wished he knew how to even do anything remotely romantic. He was absolutely clueless about dating, had never even been kissed before. He could barely look at her without blushing, struggled to speak more than a mumble because he was too scared of making a fool of himself in front of her for saying the wrong thing. But then he wondered what the point in even trying was.

He could still hear Viserys in his head, yelling he was stupid, worthless. He could hear Ramsay’s taunting, reminding him every day that he wasn’t good enough, Walder Frey throwing him and his tiny rucksack of things onto the street on his sixteenth birthday.

Sansa would get tired of him eventually. Better to ache for her from afar than to break his heart completely.

But she drew him in all the time. Her blue eyes were always sparkling, she was always radiant and smiling. She was just beautiful, inside and out. And in the deepest corner of his mind, the part that still craved a normal life with a family could only picture having it with her. But then his rational part always came back, reminding him of why he would never have kids. He couldn’t bear to have a child and then for something to happen to him, or their mother. If he had kids, it had to be within a committed relationship and he had to know his partner’s family intensely. He wouldn’t have any child of his go through what he did.

He tried so hard to physically avoid Sansa when he could because he felt that everyone would know straight away if he spent too long around her, noticing how he was unable to keep his eyes off her for long or stare as she spoke about her day, her latest writing project, her new favourite movie or television couple. He listened from afar, trying to remember everything he could.

He was on the couch in the living room reading The Hobbit and enjoying the peace and quiet with all the younger kids at school and Ned and Catelyn at work. Robb was upstairs having a nap after working an early shift that morning at the bakery.

He and Robb were off university for summer and Jon was taking the time to read some of the books on his to-read list he had always had. Being in the foster system had not left much time for reading, or anything else particularly leisurely but the Stark's house was the perfect place to catch up on things he had missed out on as a kid.

The door slammed suddenly, causing Jon to jump. He felt his heart hammer at the sound, some dark memory of Viserys coming back to his mind. He swallowed, frowning at the sound of sobbing coming through from the hallway. He put his bookmark in the book, placing it on the side table and then moving out of the room, peering around the wall.

Sansa was on the floor, her back to the door and head buried in her knees. Her body was shaking with sobs and Jon briefly wondered if he should get Robb. Robb would know what to do, would know what to say to her. He had little experience in people comforting him so he tried his hardest to conjure the blurred picture of his mother and Old Nan in his mind, trying to remember anything about what they had done with him when he had been upset.

He moved slowly, not wanting to startle her. She had glanced up then, her eyes red from her crying and Jon had to look away. He hated to see her upset, already hated whoever had done this to her. She wiped her face with her hand harshly. Jon inhaled, trying to gather courage as he went to the wall beside her, sliding down until he was level with her.

“I asked Dean out today,” she said after a moment. “But he…he said that he wouldn’t go out with me but if Margaery was single.”

She wiped her nose and stared at the floor. Jon frowned in confusion. How could this guy not see Sansa and want her?

“Margaery dumped her milkshake on his head.”

"Good,” Jon laughed before he could stop himself. “You can have the living room if you want."

She glanced at him, and smiled a little. “You actually spoke to me,” she teased.

***

“I …I could…” Jon started but felt his cheeks heat up when Sansa glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow. “If you want,” he trailed off. He could feel Bran’s eyes boring into him from where he sat studying at the dining room table.

The doorbell rang and Jon ducked his face down as Sansa rushed past him, her perfume filling his nostrils. Arya groaned as she came into the room as a female voice filled the house.

“I like Margaery well enough but gods, she can’t half talk. Run while you can Jon, she’ll smell new meat from miles away!”

“Grandma is ecstatic of course, she always wanted me to go into…oh…hello!” Margaery trailed off as she entered the kitchen, her eyebrows rising as she regarded Jon. “I don’t believe we’ve met? You’ll be Jon Snow, I take it?”

“Um, yeah,” he replied, taking the hand, she extended.

“I’m Margaery Tyrell. Sansa mentioned you a couple of times,” Margaery said. “She failed to mention how handsome you were though!”

Jon’s whole face heated up, unused to female attention. He resisted the urge to glance at Sansa to see what she thought of the praise. Gods, he had just been about to ask her if she wanted him to come as her date to her end of year dance. She seemed pretty sad since the latest idiot she had had a crush on had shattered her dreams, declaring he was taking someone else to the dance despite stringing Sansa along and making her think he was interested in pursuing a relationship with her.

“Gross,” Arya muttered, getting up again and leaving the room, clearly unwilling to watch Margaery attempt to flirt with him. “Jon is practically our brother!”

Jon felt as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him. Right. And he was hopelessly in love with Sansa regardless.

“We’re going to go shopping for our end of year dance,” Margaery continued as if she hadn’t heard Arya. “I can’t believe school is over. We’ll be in university in few months, living in the big city!”

“I think I’ll be the only one staying at home,” Bran piped up from the table. “Abertay in Dundee has the best psychology course for sure!”

Sansa had been accepted into Strathclyde University on their English, Journalism and Creative Writing course. Arya had already started looking into her future and seemed to be looking at either Aberdeen or Glasgow as an option.

“We’ll be going together, showing solidarity and all that!” Margaery chimed, linking arms with Sansa. “We don’t need dates right babe?”

“Um yeah, Sansa was…saying .…” he trailed off again, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shuffling from the gazes of everyone on him. Margaery eventually smiled kindly at him before she made her way to the bathroom and Sansa went upstairs to get her things.

“Wow,” Bran said once they were alone. “You’ve got it bad.”

***

“Gods you won’t ever let that go, will you?” Arya’s voice carried from the kitchen as Jon made his way to get breakfast. “It was an accident!”

“I know,” Sansa replied brightly. “But it is leverage that I am going to exploit!”

“Jon! My sister is blackmailing me!” Arya muttered when he entered.

“Oh?” he questioned, going to the coffee pot. He glanced at Sansa’s empty cup and flicked the kettle on to fill the teapot so she could have another cup of tea.

“She has never forgotten the time when I was seven and I tripped and broke her dolls house accidently!” she emphasised the last word. “And now she is dragging me to some shitty boyband concert in revenge!”

“Huh,” Jon replied after a moment, keeping his eyes off Sansa as much as possible, trying not to think how cute she looked in those pink pyjamas.

“I felt so bad,” Arya added. “I know how much it meant to you, being the last thing Grandpa Tully gave you.”

Sansa shrugged. “It was an accident. But at least I have a gig buddy for life now!”

“Honey I’m home!” Robb called, coming into the kitchen with a huge grin. Arya and Sansa raised their eyebrows at the fact he was wearing the same clothes as last night.

“Walk of shame?” Arya teased. Robb laughed but it sounded nervous and Sansa slammed her mug down.

“You hooked up with someone!” she exclaimed excitedly.

“No, no I didn’t!” Robb protested but his face was all red. “I was at Theon’s party and crashed on the couch!”

Jon had gone along to the party for a while but the noise and the sheer amount of people had threatened to give him a headache. That and Roslin Frey coming up to him, acting as though they had really been brother and sister and asking him to speak to Robb for her. But he could still feel the rain soaking through his clothes as he waited for the bus to Glasgow, how he had trailed the streets in search of a hostel. And seeing Roslin had brought it all back and he had snapped a harsh no. He had felt bad at the time, it hadn’t been Roslin’s fault, what her father had done. Walder Frey had hardly been much kinder to her or his other children than he was to Jon. 

But then he remembered the dark-haired girl Robb had been talking to when he had gone to say goodbye. And figured from the look on Robb’s face that it wouldn’t have mattered if he had spoken to Robb for Roslin anyway, Robb was engrossed in this girl.

“That girl…” he started and Robb flushed harder.

“Jeyne, I met her a while ago,” he said, running a hand through his hair and biting his lip to keep from smiling. Sansa squealed.

“Oooooh Robb has a girlfriend!” Arya teased.

“Stop it!” he insisted, shoving at Arya’s shoulder who just started laughing. Robb turned to Sansa. “Help your favourite brother out sis!”

“You loooooooove her!” Sansa replied, hitting her palm against Arya’s when her sister offered it and the two descended into laughter. Robb rolled his eyes but he was smiling regardless.

“Alright, look we didn’t…do anything… but I asked her out and she said yes. Are you happy now?” he said after a moment. Sansa beamed, hugging her brother close.

“Extremely happy for you!” she grinned.

“So, when do we tell mum to set yet another place for Christmas?” Arya asked, dodging as Robb aimed for her head again.

Jon glanced at Sansa’s smile and once again wished he could ask her out, take her to dinner or the cinema, one day he could even take her to Paris or New York or London like she always wanted to do. He was never good at saying things though, could remember his disastrous attempt of offering to be her sixth-year dance date.

But then he thought of the dolls house Arya had mentioned. He knew he could never replace it, had never seen the original anyway. But he could make her a new one, maybe one of the Stark house and her family. It would be like if someone bought him a stuffed dog toy like ‘Puppy’ again. It wouldn’t be his original, wouldn’t be able to replace the feeling of when his mother had given it. But it would be a nice gesture, a sign that somebody understood how much it had meant to him even if it seemed just a stupid thing to other people.

He would make Sansa a dolls house and tell her he was hopelessly, utterly in love with her and probably always had been.

***

Ygritte liked him, he knew that. And if he was being honest, he was attracted to her too. But he had told her he was in love with Sansa and was going to tell her on her twenty-first birthday.

And then Harry fucking Hardlyng made his appearance.

Sansa had brought Harry home to meet the parents the week before Robb’s wedding. He had been charming and polite, holding his arm around Sansa in a loving manner, whispering in her ear and much to Jon’s horror, kissing her in the corridor where the bedrooms were. Jon had ducked into his room, trying to get the image of Sansa’s swollen lips and messy hair out of his mind.

And wearing those fucking heels.

He had been so ashamed at how hard he had gotten when she had dressed up for her sixth-year dance, wearing heels for the first time in her life. Jon had turned away, feigning interest in next door neighbours garden to stop himself saying something stupid like how he wanted to kiss up her long, long legs.

And now he was panicking. Sansa was happy, she seemed to really like Harry and he had no right to come between them. He had known her for six years and had never said a thing, he had had his chance time and time again and done nothing. And if anything, that just proved to him that she deserved better than him. She deserved someone who told her how she made them feel, how beautiful she was and that they loved her. Harry was never going to be afraid of her reaction, he would just take the plunge and be brave about it.

He had allowed Harry to claim the credit for the dolls house. He had told himself it was the right thing to do. He could be happy for Sansa if she was happy, if the guy was going to treat her right and give her everything she wanted and needed. He wasn’t going to ruin that for her, her first real relationship. He had no right.

“Thanks man!” Harry said as he answered his door. “This means so much to me!”

“No problem,” Jon said placing the house down carefully on the coffee table. “I hope she likes it.”

“Yeah. Gods it has been so difficult!” Harry muttered as Jon started to leave. Jon frowned, turning in the doorway.

“What do you mean?”

“Just, you know, it is so difficult to know her and what she wants!”

Her favourite colour is purple but she feels more confident wearing blue. Her favourite movies are Moulin Rouge and Beauty and the Beast. Belle is her favourite Disney female character (although she will argue until she was blue in the face that Belle wasn’t a Disney Princess technically and her favourite princess was Ana from Frozen). She prefers dogs to cats although she finds cat ornaments adorable. Her favourite author is JRR Tolkien and she is fiercely proud of being Scottish. She takes three sugars in her tea but is embarrassed about it so tells everyone it is two. She loves the Christmas drinks Costa does, gingerbread one specifically and if she had her way, Christmas decorations would be up as soon as Halloween was over. She watches Strictly Come Dancing despite her siblings teasing her and would love to see it live someday. She wants to be an editor of a fashion magazine, although she would write stories on the side too. She can be stubborn to the point of irritation when she wants something, she can forget how privileged she is sometimes but she has a heart of gold underneath it all. She can say things without thinking about the consequences but would never hurt someone intentionally with her words.

“But,” Harry grinned, slapping Jon’s shoulder in comradeship. “She might open up in some way after this, you know what I mean?”

Jon stood on the step as Harry closed the door, completely in shock. How could this guy not know Sansa after dating her for four months already? And now, now Jon realised that Sansa and Harry hadn’t… and the dolls house would…

He barely remembered getting home, was trying not to think of Harry calling Sansa around to his, her seeing the dolls house and kissing him in gratitude. He tried to not to think of how Harry would kiss her back, kiss her everywhere and then….then…

He would have everything Jon had ever wanted and he didn’t even know Sansa. It was the story of his fucking life. The good guy comes last after all, time and time again. Jon thought he would have learned it by now, would have learned it when his mother was killed and his whole life became some never-ending shitstorrm.

He blinked when Jeyne’s concerned face appeared in his vision, not hearing her come in.

“Jon, are you ill?” she asked, pressing a hand to his forehead. Jon jerked.

“I love Sansa,” he said, the first time he had ever said it out loud. Even when Bran had teased him years ago, he had tried to deny it. “And she loves Harry even though he probably thinks Belle is a Disney Princess when she isn’t!” Jeyne opened her mouth but Jon continued regardless. “And he probably puts two sugars in her tea and thinks he is fucking amazing. And I have given away the one chance to tell her how I feel, how I’ve always felt and now…now…”

“Oh Jon,” Jeyne sighed sadly, moving to sit beside him and put his arms around him to pull him close. “I’m so sorry sweetie.”

And Jon was grateful for her kindness. But Robb and her were moving into their own place now they were engaged and Jon would be alone in the flat. Alone in everything as usual.

He shouldn’t’ have called Ygritte, shouldn’t have gone out drinking with her. But Ygritte did make him feel attractive and when she had whispered that he could call her anytime, her unspoken offer filling his drunken brain, he had nodded.

Weeks later, when Sansa told her family that she and Harry were moving in together, he tells himself he shouldn’t have fallen into bed with Ygritte, given up his first kiss and his virginity that he had always pictured being Sansa’s.

He was always, always Sansa’s. Completely and utterly.

He was as stupid as Viserys had always said he was because Sansa wasn’t his. She didn’t want him like that, just like none of the foster families had wanted him. Sansa wanted her Prince Charming look-a-likes and confident men who knew what they could offer her, not some fumbling, worthless idiot like him. He wasn’t her type, he knew that, had always known it.

But a part of him, that tiny part of him that still thought about his mother and what could have been if she had lived, liked to also make him think what could have been if he had given her that dolls house instead.

The more he thought about that and how it just summed up his whole life so far, the less he ate, the less he slept, the less he started to care about anything at all.

If Sam hadn’t answered the flatmate ad, he doesn’t know if he would have come through the other side.

When his treatment had finished and he started to feel functional again he had come back to the flat to see Robb, Jeyne and Sam greeting him with Ghost, the albino husky that looked so much like his long lost ‘Puppy’.

***

“I have been here for you all this time!” Ygritte yelled, pacing in front of him just as Arya came through the door. She gave a tight smile, clearly understanding she had interrupted an argument and quickly excused herself to her room. Jon felt bad, ever since she had transferred to Glasgow University from Aberdeen and moved in, she had been witness to the destructive part of his and Ygritte’s relationship.

They had never really been in love, at least he hadn’t. At this point they weren’t even denying that they were together for the sex and nothing else, despite Ygritte’s constant wish for more.

“I can’t give you what you want!” Jon replied hotly for the millionth time. He couldn’t move in with her, marry her have a life with her if he didn’t love her. “I really think it is for the best.”

“Jon,” Ygritte reached for him and he stepped back. For the first time in his life he was being brave enough to do what was right, not thinking about how he had to be accepted and keep people happy.

“It is over,” he repeated. “You deserve better.”

“So, do you!” she responded, taking a deep breath. His lips twitched a little, he appreciated the sentiment. She looked at him again. “Jon, remember to be confident about yourself. You are worth more than you think you are.”

“Thanks,” he said softly as he followed her to the door. “I…I uh really hope we can still be friends, eventually.”

“Yeah,” Ygritte responded sadly. “Maybe in time.”

***

He stared at the text Ygritte had sent. He hadn’t heard from her since they had broken up.

Come to the Union.

He had debated and debated whether to go out or not. Arya had said something about going out tonight with Sansa. He was surprised, Sansa had been a little withdrawn from the family recently and Arya seemed angry at something ever since Sansa had called her the other night. He also knew Jeyne was out tonight and that meant Sansa would be there as well.

Sam was at Gilly’s and Robb was being taxi for Jeyne tonight. Normally, that wouldn’t stop him asking Robb round for a movie or something. But Robb had let slip that he and Jeyne were trying for a baby and well, Jon knew Robb would be keen for Jeyne to come home early.

He supposed he should go out. He hadn’t really seen Jeyne since her wedding. Had barely seen anyone really if truth be told, staying in with Sam and Arya most of the time. It was like being a kid all over again, withdrawing to avoid being disappointed.

He took a deep breath and replied to Ygritte, telling her he would be there soon. He didn't plan on drinking tonight. He laughed when Jeyne sent a text asking how he was. He replied she would see for herself.

Jeyne had hugged him when he had come through the door and then he had seen her, sitting there watching him with wide eyes, as beautiful as she had always been.

He had allowed Jeyne to lead him to the group, flushing when Myranda had openly flirted with him and feeling confused at Sansa’s sudden interest in her drink, her assessment of how many women would be willing to take him to bed.

Would you come to my bed?

He excused himself to go and get a drink of coke, getting to the bar just as Ygritte's interest left. She turned to him with a grin.

"Hey, you."

"You alright?" he asked. Ygritte smiled wider.

"Your damsal is in distress," she drawled with a wink.

"Hey," Jeyne said, suddenly appearing between them and turning to Ygritte. "What are you doing?" she asked, waving one hand in the universal hand gesture of 'what the fuck?' Ygritte shrugged.

"Telling Jon to have the balls to talk to her or fuck her already. Do something for fuck sake!"

"You really think they should fuck?" Jeyne asked, gesturing wildly to Jon and then behind her towards the table.

"She has just broken up with Harry," Jon hissed, glancing in Sansa's direction. 

"One night with you and she'll never be able to even say Harry again," Ygritte teased and Jon flushed.

"Too much information," Jeyne muttered. Jon took his drink following Jeyne back to the table.

"Talking won't do much harm though," Jeyne whispered as they approached the group.

“I’m telling you, it was the best sex of my life!” Myranda declared, slamming her hands on the table with her mouth open in a dramatic representation of pleasure.

“Well, that is a great time to walk into a conversation,” Jeyne said cheerily as Jon went to sit beside Arya.

“You should be honoured Jon,” Margaery said, tossing her curls over her shoulder. “Not many men get to be part of a girls night.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t realise it was…” Jon began but Margaery waved him off.

“No, no. Its fine! Just to warn you though, we might be saying a few ..uh unfavourable things about your sex. Poor Sansa here has just recently re-joined the singletons club.”

“Really?” Sansa exclaimed. Jon glanced at her over Arya’s head, the questions already swimming in his mind. They were over? When? How?

“I’m sorry,” he said genuinely. Sansa had loved Harry, had really believed he was the one. Myranda cackled, putting her bottle down.

“Don’t be, he was an ass! Wouldn’t even go,,,,” she was cut off as Jeyne pressed a hand to her mouth, giving her a glare.

“on holiday with her,” Margaery filled in quickly after a quick glance at Jeyne. Jon blinked. Hadn't they been talking about Paris months ago?

“I’m going to punch him to China if I ever see him,” Arya supplied, taking a swig of her drink. Jon’s lips twitched at the thought.

“Do you have something to say Jon?” Sansa asked in annoyance.

“Um, no,” he said quickly, eyes darting down to the table. He had plenty to say about Harry really but it wasn't his place.

“No no, come on! You have been gone for ages and somehow think you know about my relationship.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne warned and Sansa turned to her.

“I just don’t think he deserved you,” Jon said after a moment.

“You don’t know anything about it!” she snapped.

I know more than you think, he wanted to say.

“Sans, jeez. Jon is just being nice!” Arya retorted, frowning at her sister. Sansa sighed. She had been harsh. Her emotions were all over the place right now.

“Sorry,” she said genuinely. “I’m all over the place just now. I didn’t mean to snap at you Jon.”

Jon merely nodded, eyes on his drink. 

“Robb is here so I’m going to shoot off,” Jeyne said. “Marge, you still needing a lift?”

“Please.”

“Robb is here so I’m going to shoot off,” Jeyne declared suddenly. “Marge, you still needing a lift?”

“Please.”

“My round,” Myranda piped up, sliding out of the booth and giving a wave to the two women as they left. Arya excused herself to use the bathroom so Jon moved around the other side to let her out.

“So,” Sansa mumbled after a moment of continued silence. Jon looked up at her. “How have you been? I heard you and Ygritte broke up.”

“Ah,” Jon responded with a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m good. We’re good.” He gestured towards the bar.

A part of him always would wish for Sansa to be his first, but Ygritte had given him a confidence, never shy on complimenting him on his talents in the bedroom. And he knew he never would have had that confidence without her. In a way, being with Ygritte had led him to this moment, where he could actually speak a sentence to Sansa without mumbling or stuttering.

“Myranda says having hot, passionate sex with a stranger is a good way to get over someone.”

He choked. The thought of her moaning and keening beneath him. Gods!

Later, he caught Ygritte leaving with her new interest, her words spinning in his head. He glanced at Sansa when he felt her staring, his brow lifting in question. She shook her head and looked determinedly down at her drink. He inhaled sharply, recognising the behaviour instantly. It was the way he had always acted around her when he thought she could see what he was thinking about her.

Be confident, he could hear Ygritte say.

He was ready to take the plunge.

One last chance to have her.

And then...

“How about we get out of here?” she asked softly, forcing herself to look straight into his eyes. He blinked. Had he read her right?

“And go where?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and regarding her curiously.

“To mine,” she returned confidently.

“To do what?”

“Jesus, I’m asking if you want to fuck,” she hissed. “I thought I was being obvious.” 

“You want to ...?” he choked off, blinking again. But then his eyes dropped to her lips, and then down to her chest where her cleavage was on show before quickly looking up again.

“Apparently oral is all the rage just now…” she continued. 

It took him a moment to realise what she was saying.

"He....he never went down on you?" Jon said in shock, unable to comprehend the thought.

If you had ever been mine, I would eat you out all day long.

"No."

"He really was an ass," he muttered. Sansa blinked.

"You...you like..doing that?"

"Love it," he murmured huskily, staring straight at her. Sansa licked her lips unconsciously. His eyes dropped down automatically. "Want me to show you?"

“Yes,” she whispered after a long pause.

The silence was thick and Jon felt his heart pounding in his chest. He would laugh at the irony of it all. He could tell Sansa he was happy to eat her out but couldn’t tell her that he had loved her then, that he was still in love with her now.

***

“Oh!” she moaned as his thumbs rubbed over her nipples and he grinned as she fell back onto the bed, Jon following her movement even as his thumbs never stopped. He started pinching her nipples, watching her intently as she choked on surprised pleasure.

Jon could do this, he could give her the best fucking orgasm of her life and convince himself it was enough.

“You like that?” he whispered against her neck and she barely managed a nod, turning her head into the sheets. He smirked with the confidence that filled him as he moved to her ear. “I like playing with your tits too."

She gasped , body arching and Jon made a mental note to remember she seemed to like dirty talk. His finger and thumb continued plucking at her left nipple and he started suckling on her right one. Jon hummed when she keened, head spinning at the fact he had Sansa’s breasts in his palm and his mouth, her legs falling open invitingly so he could eat her out. Somewhere, nineteen year old Jon was probably exploding in his pants.

His hand left her breast and slipped beneath her pants and she spread her legs further. He hummed in approval, wondering if Harry had ever had her in this state of arousal. His fingers ran through her curls for a moment barely biting back a groan. He was touching her, touching Sansa, touching her sweet, wet cunt at last.

His pointer and middle fingers started tracing her outer lips and he could feel her wetness already as he slipped his pointer finger down further and then pushed into her warmth. She gasped, throwing her head back into the pillow and gripping the sheets tighter in her hand.

“Jon,” she whined, her hips bucking to try and get his finger in deeper. He gave her nipple a long suck before releasing it just as his middle finger joined the first. He had to see it, had to watch the movement of his hands beneath her underwear, listen to the wet sound of his fingers pushing in and out of her to know this was real. His right hand crossed over his stomach and under his other arm to grab the edge of her pants.

I want to see you for the first and last time.

Sansa flushed and inhaled deeply as she fell back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. Jon gave a half smile, sensing her nervousness and returned to pull her underwear down. He went to his knees at the end of the bed, ready to worship her. He pulled her underwear again from where it was abandoned mid-thigh, pulling them completely off her legs. He grabbed her ankles gently and pulled her body across the sheets, placing her legs over his shoulder and his eyes staring between her legs. Gods, she was perfect.

Jon turned his head, kissing her thighs and she huffed in annoyance, causing him to smirk. He could feel her irritation and his own desire bubbling over and he finally, finally began.

She collapsed on the bed as his tongue licked up through her folds, once, twice. The tip brushed against her clit and she bucked, gasping at the sensation as he gave a tentative lick before returning to tease her folds.

She moaned as his tongue returned to circle her clit, head tossing against her bed and her hands clenching and unclenching beside her. She looked so fucking sexy like this, letting her body finally have the pleasure it deserved. Jon pulled back a little, giving a soft lick through her folds and placing a kiss to her clit. She choked, her hands clenching again.

“Is it good? Do you like having my mouth on you?” he whispered, nuzzling against her soft thighs. She moaned, nodding feverishly as she could barely trust herself to speak. He reached for her right hand, guiding it to his head as he returned to his task.

Show me. Show me you need me, Sansa!

"I love having my mouth on your cunt too," he murmured before sucking her clit into his mouth. Sansa wailed.

Her hips were bucking uncontrollably, even under his arm and her hand clenched in his hair so tightly when his tongue returned to circle her bundle of nerves.  Jon loved it, the fact she was needing him so badly in this moment. He could feel her thighs trembling around his ears, her ankles digging into his shoulders trying to pull him closer, his name falling from her lips on a broken wail.

He slowed down a little to coax her release from her but as soon as she had slumped down, his speed increased again, still circling her bundle of nerves in tight, fast circles.

“I can’t!” she choked out, even as her hips bucked, pushing her harder against his mouth.

“You can,” he whispered with promise against her. “One more time baby. Come on!”

Let me show you how good it can be, how good I can be to you, for you. Sansa, please, please, please.

“Oh, oh, oh! Jon!” she cried, practically sobbing as he returned to licking her slit. He felt his jeans tighten uncomfortably at the sound of his name on her lips, all those years dreaming of it and it was sweeter than he could ever imagine.

Let it go Jon, let her go. You’ve had more than you ever thought you could, let it be enough.

Her hand slipped out of his hair as he moved away from her to adjust his jeans and straighten his shirt. He smiled at her, the taste of her still on his tongue. Gods he wanted to go down on her again, wanted to be inside of her and make love to her. A stupid need to kiss her possessed him but at the last moment he pressed a kiss to her forehead instead.

"Are you alright?" he murmured softly and she  hummed, giving him a grin even as her eyes drooped shut. Jon smiled at her peaceful expression, shifting to get out of her bed. He pulled her covers up over her and turned to leave. He paused in the doorway to send a quick text to her phone to let her know he had to leave to be in the flat with Ghost but that she could call him whenever she wants.

He sighed as he walked out into the cold night.

I am so in love with you and now I know what you taste like, it is ten times worse.

***

“I’m sorry?” Jeyne choked out, barely managing to spit her water back into her glass in shock. Jon glanced nervously at the door.

“I…I hooked up with Sansa,” he replied, running a hand through his curls.

“Like….after a date?” Jeyne asked slowly, watching him intently. “When you guys met at the bar, you talked and went on a date and then hooked up right?”

“No … like… I gave her my number, she called me and uh…I went over to hers…”

“Jon,” Jeyne sighed, holding her forehead in her hand. “Jon, you said you are in love with Sansa but that doesn't mean you should settle for being a rebound."

“Don’t say anything to her,” Jon begged. “I know I’ll never have her in a romantic sense, don’t make her hate me. I know what I'm getting myself into!”

“Why can’t you just talk to her? What so you can hook up with her but can’t ask her what she has planned for the day, see if she wants to go to the cinema or for lunch?”

“I…”

“Maybe if you talked to her, broached the subject of dating, she might actually respond to you,” Jeyne interrupted as she left the room.

***

He had tried Jeyne’s advice and sent her a text. She had responded with a not so subtle Netflix and Chill hint. Jon sighed even as he agreed to go over.

Sansa wanted sex. She didn’t want a relationship. And he would have to realise that sooner or later.

But as she sank down on him, his cock finally all the way inside her he couldn’t bring himself to care. Her actual cunt didn’t have anything on his fantasies, the way she gasped and shivered and whimpered made him insane. For a moment, he could forget how they got here, forget what they were and what they would never be.

And then after, she had asked what about what they were doing.

He had decided to say it for her and save what little of his heart he could.

***

“So, Sansa has a date!” Arya said when he returned from work. Jon managed to shut the living room door and pretend this didn’t bother him, even as he felt Sam watching him from his armchair.

“Oh right,” Jon replied, hoping he sounded casual. “Who?”

“Some guy from her uni class. He's friends with Edric actually, Gendry's brother.”

“What does he do?” he asked. Arya gave him a look.

“Oh shoot, I left my crystal ball in my room!” she drawled sarcastically. Jon huffed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Should she be dating right now?" he asked.

He tried to tell himself it was all just concern for her getting involved with someone too quickly. But he also knew he was jealous as hell at the thought.

"Jesus, calm down, Dad!" Arya replied with an eye roll and completely ignoring his question.

Arya, you have no idea how inappropriate that is!

He devoured Sansa the next time he saw her. Ate her out twice on her couch, fingered her until she was sobbing against him and then took her from behind, unable to resist the way she had shyly asked for him to do so. He had rarely taken Ygritte from behind, the one thing he had started to put his foot down on in regards to their sex life. He had to see Ygritte’s face because he didn’t trust himself not to say Sansa’s name otherwise.

And when Sansa had come back through naked, he had snapped. He had relished in her body’s response, watched himself pump inside of her over and over and thought of how it good it all felt. She was responding to him, her body craving his and the sweet, sweet sounds she made. 

Would Aegon ever make her feel like this? He was confident he wouldn't and that made him feel so fucking good.

But then, she seemed excited about her date.

And he was stupid to ever think he still stood a chance.

***

He had been surprised when she had text him, the not-so-subtle hint to come around for sex. Surprised still at how easy she admitted there was nothing between her and Aegon. Why did she need to tell him?

And then he had come over and gotten all confused. She had seemed upset about Ygritte and the thought she could be jealous made his heart soar. But she had also suggested fucking other people and he didn't know what to think. Was she saying that to try and deflect her jealousy of Ygritte? Or was she just mad he had apparently fucked Ygritte behind her back, his seemingly lack of honesty rather than the act itself. Even though he hadn't actually done anything with Ygritte.

And then he couldn't even explain what had come over him. He wanted to fuck the thought of another man right out of her, show her that she was all he would ever want, all he would ever need.

She's not yours, she's not yours, his mind screamed as he pounded into her.

We could be, we could be, his heart begged.

 

***

“Who is the girl?” Arya asked for the hundredth time since Sansa left the flat. She flipped herself onto the couch beside him, crossed legged and staring intently.

“Nobody,” Jon replied. “It won’t go anywhere anyway.”

“I can’t believe you had a hook-up!”

“Jon had a hook-up?” Sam asked, eyebrows raised as he entered the living room. Arya nodded.

“And he won’t tell me anything!”

“Go to work!” Jon retorted, throwing one of the bounty chocolates from the celebration tub at her head. She deflected it with a swipe of her hand.

“We’ll get it out of you!” she called as she left. Jon sighed, collapsing back on the sofa. He could still feel Sansa’s mouth on him. She had become so confident and Jon couldn’t help but feel a pride in himself, knowing he had done that for her, he had given her that.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Sam was saying and Jon blinked so Sam clarified. “That you’re trying to get over Sansa.”

“Oh,” Jon replied, resisting the nervous laugh that threatened to spill out.

***

Jon is still embarrassed at his reaction when he hadn’t heard from her for a while. He thought he had scared her off when he had unconsciously hugged her in her sleep. But as the days rolled by he began to panic. Was she alright? What if something happened to her? His mother had died so suddenly after all, just a normal day. The rational part of his brain would have told him that Robb or Arya or someone would inform him if Sansa was hurt but he couldn’t bear it and had picked up the phone to call her.

It had almost felt like being a real couple, like her parents or Robb and Jeyne. He could picture them doing this and he had felt his heart hammering at the thought and at the fact that Sansa wasn’t pushing him away.

Does she want me as more?

He was still too much of a coward to ask her out properly but a part of him was starting to hope that one day, he would and she would say yes.

***

I’m telling her tomorrow.

He sent the text to Jeyne immediately, unable to keep the smile off his face. Sansa had given him such an amazing birthday, the best one in his life, even if it wasn’t technically his birthday. And he couldn’t contain it anymore. He had to tell her, had to know if this had all been worth it.

I’m glad to hear it. Remember, no matter what happens, I’m here for you!

He sent a smiley face back.

***

Jon exhaled sharply, Ghost burying into his hip. Yesterday he had been so happy and now…now everything was just as it always ended up in his life. Stupid, worthless, nobody wants you.

“Jon?” Robb called through the door. Jon closed his eyes, sighing as he heard Robb push the door open and move to sit at his desk. He cringed as Robb switched the desk light on, glaring at him.

“Is this a fucking interrogation?” he snapped. Robb gave sharp exhale.

“Sansa said I should talk to you,” he said after a moment. “Although I don’t know why, I don’t want to hear about how you are ....”

“I’m in love with her,” Jon interrupted and Robb’s stopped, mouth still open from his rant. He blinked rapidly, his mouth closing eventually.

“You…you’re in love with her?” he repeated. “Jesus why didn’t you tell me you guys were dating? Aw man I’m so sorry about what I did, I was just so angry at the thought of you using her. She’s had enough of that.”

“She doesn’t love me,” Jon replied, not bothering to correct Robb on the fact that they hadn’t been dating.

“Well, once she clears her head from Harry maybe you could start again?”

Jon sighed as he heard his door open again, barely glancing up as Sam, Jeyne and Arya appeared in front of him.

“I sent everyone away,” Arya explained.

“I’m so sorry Jon,” Jeyne whispered, taking his hand.

“It isn’t your fault,” he replied dully. Jeyne had done what she could to get Sansa and him to have something real, insisted they were right for each other and would see it in the end. “My own fault for not saying anything for eight fucking years.”

“Eight yea…” Robb started with a frown before his jaw dropped again. “You’ve loved her since…the whole time, like…the whole time? Oh my god, you’ve been in love with her the whole TIME?!”

“Alright, cool it Mrs Doubtfire,” Arya said, holding her hand up to Robb in annoyance.

“Jon,” Jeyne said gently. “It is adorable how much you love Sansa. I don’t doubt how much you love her and to feel love like that after everything you’ve been through, well that to me shows those horrid people never really broke you. You feel Jon, you feel love and you care about people, you care about what is good and right.”

“But, if I am being honest, you have made everything in your life about Sansa. Sansa alone is your happiness and that isn’t healthy,” Sam added. “I think you need to really think about you, what you want from life in general. And, more importantly, I really think you should speak to a professional about your childhood. You need to deal with those issues Jon. Not even for the sake of being with Sansa, but for your own health.”

“You could go back to university and finish your course?” Arya supplied. “You really enjoyed it.”

That was true. Before his depressive episode, he had been doing relatively alright at university, only one more year to go until he graduated. But he didn’t have the money to do it now and the Scottish Government didn’t pay tuition fees if you repeated a year. But still, he had almost seen himself as an architect.

“Or travel a bit?” Robb suggested. “Theon is going back to Norway soon, maybe you could go with him for a week or so and crash at his flat?”

“Name a place and we’ll take you there!” Arya added.

“Why?” Jon snapped. “What is the point? Everything goes to shit, even before I met Sansa. She was just the final slap in the face, a reminder of how my life is just a waste of time.”

“Jon,” Jeyne started.

“Show him,” Robb said suddenly. Jeyne glanced at her husband, Sam and Arya looked as confused as Jon felt. And then Jeyne went into her jacket pocket, taking out a sonogram picture.

“We were going to announce it when we went to the Starks for Christmas and my parents’ for New Year,” she said, holding it out to Jon.

“Congratulations!” Arya and Sam chimed. Jon muttered it too but was confused at the look Jeyne and Robb were giving him.

“It is a boy,” Jeyne continued. “And we knew right away what we wanted to call him. We wanted to name him after someone special to us, someone we loved so much and was best man at our wedding, someone who was so brave all his life and deserves so much more. It isn’t much but, we hope it means something to you.”

Jon blinked for a second before it dawned on him and Robb confirmed it.

“We’re naming him Jon.”

Chapter Text

Her head was reeling.

Her phone buzzed for the millionth time, lighting up her bedroom in the hazy blue light. She stared at it but made no move to take it.

Somehow, this felt worse than with Harry. When she ended it with Harry, she hadn’t wanted to see him again. She had been so sure that she no longer felt anything for him and he wasn’t worth her time. He hadn’t been that great a person.

And had apparently lied. Their relationship had been a lie.

That dolls house. If she had known…

She truly believed he had loved her. When he had text her, asking her around because he had a surprise, she had been so giddy. She hadn’t been in love, but she could feel herself falling for him. And then he had presented her with that dolls house and her heart had melted.

She couldn’t believe someone would make such an effort for her. And to make something so special as a replica of her childhood home and her family. She had thought he was the one. She had kissed him, allowed him to take her hand and take her through to his room.

They hadn’t slept together but she had allowed him to touch her breasts and then lower…

Later, when she had been unwilling to give him head, he had reminded her of the dolls house.

When she hadn’t felt like having sex, he would sigh dramatically, eyes looking towards the dolls house on the table in the corner. And she would think, he had spent all that time and effort, the least she could do was give him sex.

When he would come home drunk at 3am, waking her up and leading to her being exhausted at work when she started at 7am, she would tell herself, he was young and he was entitled to fun. He loved her, he wouldn’t have made that dolls house otherwise. Besides, she should be having fun too.

That was when things really started to get beyond her excuses.

When she wanted to go out, he wanted to know who she was out with. He wouldn’t even like it when she said Robb or Arya because he knew they didn’t like him. They would turn her against him. And Sansa had tried to reassure him, so sure that this was just a blip, that he was going through something and was just unwilling to share it with her. She would be there for him and everything would be alright.

While she was trying to sort out everything with Harry, she had withdrawn from everyone.

She had been so stupid.

But this was worse.

Because Jon and her, they had built a friendship. They had things in common, they made each other laugh. And Jon, Jon was the one who had loved her, had tried to give her everything she wanted, had made her feel attractive and confident.

Now she was losing it all.

She didn’t love Jon. She didn’t love Harry anymore either.

But she was still so confused about what she wanted.

She wanted to have a career. She had been looking for jobs for months with no luck so far. But if she did get a job, she wanted to focus on it and work her way up the career ladder. And there was no guarantee it would be in Glasgow anyway. She might have to move and why would she pursue something with Jon only to leave? That was cruel after everything he had been through, his issues with trust and abandonment.

She may not be in love with Jon but if she thought about it, they had been naturally in tune with each other. She hadn’t even realised it at the time but now she thought back on everything, they had been acting so much like a couple without even trying.

Obviously, the sex was mind-blowing and she doubted anyone would compare to Jon there. He was an attentive lover, reading her body’s reactions and acting on them. He was confident in the bedroom, and had every reason to be.

But they had chemistry well beyond sex too. They had the same sense of humour and could tease each other without going too far. They had the same favourite shows and even supported the same couple getting together on it. He cared for her when she was stressed out, cooking for her and helping her sleep.

She blushed at how often she still thought of how he managed that.

Was that why Jon hadn’t said anything before? Was he assessing it all and waiting to tell her once it became apparent how much like a couple they were acting like?

She may not be in love with Jon. She may not be wanting a relationship right now. But she didn’t want to lose the friendship they had built up either.

She sighed as her phone lit up again and reached for it, hitting the home button. She had a missed call from Robb and another from Margaery as well as a text each from Jeyne and Arya. She tossed the phone away. She didn’t want to speak to any of them, didn’t want to speak to anyone at all right now.

Although, she knew who she did have to speak to and it was making her stomach churn just at the thought.

***

“So, I think we should make a list,” Sam said when Jon came through to the kitchen in the morning. Arya nodded through her spoonful of cornflakes.

“Go ada!” she mumbled and then, after Sam’s confused look she swallowed. “Sorry, good idea.”

“A list of what?” Jon asked sceptically. He was all for taking therapy like his friends had suggested last night but the idea of listing possible therapists and rating them right now was draining him.

“Of what you want from life,” Sam replied and then pointed his pen in Jon’s direction. “Don’t say Sansa. There is a point where it stops being cute and is just stupid.”

Arya snorted but when Jon looked at her she gave a shrug as if to say ‘well, he’s right.’

“So…?” Sam prompted as Jon sat down next to Arya.

“I don’t know!” Jon retorted. “I have never thought about what I wanted from life other than Sansa. The only other thing was being an architect.”

“Well that is something,” Sam replied eagerly. “So, we’ll put finish your Masters on the list?”

“What about the whole travel thing?” Arya asked. “Name five places you want to go.”

“What about Ghost?” Jon countered. “Ghost means more to me than just being a dog. He…he is like the real-life version of ‘puppy’.”

He flushed as he realised what he had admitted to. Robb had picked Ghost because he was the runt of the litter, the outcast and had felt that he deserved a loving home. He said he had saw Jon in the puppy. But Robb hadn’t known about his ‘puppy’ toy, not really. Sure, he had mentioned the toy to Rickon when he first met the Starks because of the similar toy Rickon had once had. But still, Robb hadn’t been there and even if Rickon had mentioned it, Robb hadn’t known the type of dog or colour the toy was. It was just luck how much Ghost looked like that toy. For Jon, Ghost was fate, a companion tethering him to reality and a reminder of his mother.

Luckily, Arya and Sam didn’t look judgemental and they definitely weren’t going to tease him given the sympathetic noise Sam made and the concerned look on Arya’s face. She put the spoon down in the bowl, shifting so she was facing Jon.

“Well, I suppose being in the UK we have an advantage. We can get a ferry to loads of places in Europe. Ireland, France, The Netherlands…”

“Yeah, so you wouldn’t have to worry about him travelling on planes or whatever. You can take him with you!” Sam added enthusiastically.

“Or hire a car?” Arya suggested. “Okay, you’re limited to European and Asian countries really but still, America and Australia and stuff can wait. Heck, you could come back and drop Ghost with us anytime you decide to go and visit somewhere.”

Jon shrugged. To be honest, travel did sound good. And if Ghost was able to come with him that prevented him from putting it off more than he already had. He had been so curious at fourteen, so eager to get out of his hellhole of a life. And well, his friend Val had said how travel had helped her overcome a bad time in her life. There was something about it, the freedom, the adventure, the control. Control was something Jon had been lacking since his mother had died. To have control over where he went, what he did. It did have an appeal and the more he thought about it the more he was coming around to the idea. But that was before he met the Stark’s and felt like he had belonged.

“Robb’s kid,” he said suddenly. The fact Robb and Jeyne wanted to name their first child, their first son after him had made his heart soar. And when Jeyne had said ‘it isn’t much’ he had wanted nothing more than to say it was one of the most meaningful things anyone had ever done for him. It meant the whole world to him to know that Robb, who had all but given him a family, a friend and a belief in the goodness of people thought so much of him. To know that he was valued and loved, it had slightly lifted the cloud from over his head.

“You do know Europe is like right across the water, right?” Arya said gesturing with her hands close together and then slightly spreading apart to indicate closeness. “You can be back here by the time wee Jon is due.”

“I guess,” he replied with a shrug. But still, he didn’t want to miss the birth. He couldn’t let his namesake down.

“So,” Sam said with a clap of his hands as he took a pad of paper and picked up the pen again. “Let us begin. We’ll put your Masters down under career goals. And then maybe a professional job. We’ll come back to that. Now, under the travel section I think Arya is right. Name five places you want to go and you’ll go.”

“I guess going to Oslo is a good shout,” Jon replied after a moment of thought. “Maybe best to start slowly and crash with Theon for a while.”

“Yeah,” Arya agreed. “Although these countries are really expensive. I mean, they’re great. Gendry went to Iceland and loved it and a girl in my class said she would move to Finland in an instant. But you’ll need to really save up for it.”

“Work is probably a good distraction right now anyway,” Sam added. “Besides, you aren’t going anywhere until you have completed your therapy.”

“Yeah,” Jon said, glancing at his phone. He bit his lip as he walked to the table to sit next to Arya. “Should I….should I contact Sansa?” he asked.

“No!” Arya and Sam said at the same time.

“Not yet,” Sam added in a gentler tone.

Jon sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. She’ll contact me when she’s ready to talk.”

“Do you want some breakfast?” Sam asked. Jon blinked.

“No, I’m not hungry,” he replied. Arya and Sam exchanged looks and Jon huffed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Genuinely not hungry, I’m not depressed again!”

“Sorry, I don’t know much about it to be honest,” Arya said, patting him on the shoulder. “We’re just worried.”

“I know,” Jon murmured, his anger dissipating and he managed to give them both a small smile. “I appreciate it.”

***

She groaned in exasperation as the buzzer went again. It had been two days since Jon’s birthday surprise and she had barely spoken to anyone. She was still too confused and sad for Jon to really want to see anyone. But clearly, whoever it was did not have the same opinion.

“What?” she huffed over the phone.

“Its Jeyne,” her sister-in-law said softly.

Sansa sighed but buzzed her in and took the snip off the door so she could let herself in. She wandered back to the couch, flinging herself down in a rather undignified manner. Soon she heard the door creak open before it was gently clicked shut.

“Hey,” Jeyne greeted, moving to sit on the edge of the sofa. Sansa managed a small smile at her. “How are you?”

“You know,” Sansa replied with an unhelpful shrug. “Confused, sad, angry. I feel all of them, all at once and it is draining me.”

“I’m sorry sweetie,” Jeyne crooned, moving to sit beside her and putting a comforting arm around her shoulder.

“How is Jon?”

“He is okay. We got him out of his room eventually,” Jeyne replied, squeezing her shoulder again. “Actually, that is one of the reasons we came over.”

“We?”

“Robb is parking the car, he’ll be up any second.”

As if summoned by his name, Robb came through the door. He smiled softly at Sansa and opened his arms when she went to him.

“I’m sorry Sansa, I’m sorry I was mean to Jon in front of you,” he murmured. Sansa shook her head.

“I’m sorry I kept it from you,” she answered, finally pulling back. Robb put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a smile. She moved to put the kettle on and then turned to face them. “So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Robb and Jeyne glanced at each other, unable to hide their grins. She pushed herself off the counter when Jeyne went into her jacket pocket and held out a picture.

“We’re having a baby!” she squealed.

Sansa could barely contain her own squeal of excitement, rushing over to embrace them both tightly.

“This is great,” she said when she pulled back, smiling widely at them both. “I can’t believe I’m going to be an Auntie!”

“We were going to wait until we were home for Christmas,” Robb explained. “But, we told Jon and Arya last night because…well…it is a boy and we’re naming him Jon.”

“Oh!” Sansa breathed in awe, hands covering her mouth in her joy. “That is so sweet!”

 “Sans,” Robb said after a moment and Sansa looked at him. “Whatever happens with you and Jon, I’ll support it. But…I think you both need to take time out from each other.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “I know.”

It was the right thing to do. Jon needed time to get through his therapy and take some time for himself and he couldn’t do that when she was around, confusing him. And she still had her own demons to deal with too.

***

She took a deep breath as she looked through the window of the Costa café and saw him sitting at the table, head in his hand and foot tapping nervously. She closed her eyes, telling herself she could be brave as she pushed the door open.

He glanced up, smiling at her but Sansa frowned, plopping in the chair opposite him in a rather undignified way.

“Harry,” she greeted as polite as she could muster. He blinked, startled by her attitude towards him. But then he recovered, quickly smiling again.

“Sansa,” he returned. Sansa hated how his voice sounded soft and sweet like when they first started dating. His hand reached for hers and she only just had sense to move it back out of his reach when his fingertips brushed hers. “I am glad you called. I’ve missed you.”

“You not,” she countered. His eyebrows rose. “You didn’t.”

“Sans,” he murmured.

“Sansa,” she corrected, narrowing her eyes in warning. He wouldn’t play his games with her again. She wanted answers. “You lied to me.”

“What?”

“You told me that you made the dolls house,” she continued, barely able to hold back her anger as realisation dawned on his face. “And I thought you loved me because of it.”

“Okay, so I didn’t make it,” he replied with a shrug and gesturing his arms around wildly. “I still wanted to give you something special!”

“You wanted me to put out,” she corrected again, feeling her cheeks flush at her words, feeling stupid for ever thinking he had loved her.

Harry gave a small, disbelieving laugh and shook his head. “Well, that went well considering we stayed together for two years.”

“I stayed with you because of that dolls house,” she replied, feeling the tears burning her eyes.  How could he joke about such a thing?

All that time wasted, all that effort for nothing. She lost contact with her friends and family to try and make things work with Harry because she had believed he had loved her. She was lucky for how loyal and caring those around her were to take her back into their lives so willingly, without prying. She had tried to give him what he wanted in the relationship and with the sex, thinking she was wrong, that she was being too tense and too frigid because of that dolls house.

She had hated looking at the dolls house after they split up, hiding it in her closet where she couldn’t be reminded of it. And that was when she had thought it was made with Harry’s love. But the dolls house was such a pure thing, made from Jon’s genuine feelings and now it was tainted, a reminder of her naivety and bad decisions. She hated how Harry had even managed to ruin her most precious gift again.

“I’m sorry,” he said and she was surprised at how genuine it sounded. She blinked at him, seeing him watching her with a tender expression. She scowled, remembering his charm and sensitive (fake sensitive, she reminded herself) was one of the ways he had won her around before. She moved back until her back hit the chair, curling a hand around her waist and crossing her legs defensively.

“Was there anything else you lied to me about?” she asked hotly. He swallowed, eyes looking away and she inhaled sharply. She dreaded it but she had to know, had to know so she could get closure and finally start to really put this behind her. “What?”

“I…I’m seeing someone,” he said after a moment. Sansa choked back a laugh but sobered upon seeing his confused expression.

“That doesn’t bother me,” she said honestly. It wasn’t like she could judge, she had fallen in bed with Jon quick enough. Gods, Jon. She should really contact him as well and make sure he was alright.

Harry looked at her, eyes narrowing. “Are you seeing someone?”

“That isn’t any of your business anymore,” she retorted, avoiding his gaze. She took the envelope out before he could pry anymore. “Here.”

He looked down as she tossed it onto the table and then grasped it, sliding it across to him. He opened it, blinking as the Hogmanay tickets fell out. She loathed to give him them but well, she couldn’t go with Jon now. Not while everything was still so fresh and hurting.

“Couldn’t find anyone to go with you?” Harry quirked, that stupid smug smirk still on his face.

Sansa knew he liked to rile her, liked to get a reaction. Harry loved attention, especially female attention and it didn’t matter what kind it was. So long as there were eyes on him, he was happy. And Sansa knew she shouldn’t give him the satisfaction but everything was building up. The lies, the ruining of her favourite present ever, the reminder of his less charming and rather more controlling nature, the cruel japes and the fact she had tried to make things worse at the expense of people who actually cared for her.

“Jon was going to go with me actually,” she replied, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Harry looked up from where he was putting the tickets in his pocket. His smirk grew into a grin.

“That is so sad,” he said after a moment, shaking his head and chuckling to himself. Sansa bristled, narrowing her eyes.

“Don’t insult Jon,” she hissed. “I’m leaving now. I just wanted the truth from you and I have it. I never want to see or hear from you again.”

“Fine,” Harry shrugged. “I was talking about you though. It is sad you’re that desperate you had to go for the lapdog option.”

“Fuck you!” she snapped, blushing when the other customers turned to look at her in a mixture of amusement and horror. Harry’s eyebrows rose but he said nothing else as she grabbed her bag and stormed out of the café.

She took a deep breath as she stepped into the street, wiping the persistent tears from her eyes. She felt drained and upset but at the same time, there was relief. She had closure at last. The redeeming quality of Harry had been lifted with the knowledge that the dolls house was not a gesture of love from him. She could finally start to put the relationship behind her knowing that she had been right to leave him after all.

***

She did send a text to Jon a couple of days later, asking if he was alright. However, she still wasn’t ready to face him properly. She was still processing everything and she knew it wouldn’t be fair to him for her to meet him and not have any answers for him, good or bad.

He had replied to say he was doing okay, that he had spoken to Robb and that things were okay there and that he was starting his therapy next week. She sighed to herself as she answered that she was glad. When did it become so hard to talk to him? She thought of all the jokes they had shared but joking with him seemed the wrong thing to do now. She was behind on their favourite show too so couldn’t even bring that up for a neutral conversation and the excitement of their New Year trip was dead in the water.

She sighed again, going over to switch the kettle on. She felt her lips twitching of their own accord as she moved the sugar bowl towards her cup, thinking of how Jon had known something so simple. But then she felt the tears come shortly after because Harry had hardly ever made tea, usually giving her coffee because it was what he was making anyway, and on the rare occasion he did make tea, he did only put two sugars in.

Once she had the tea ready she moved to the couch. She leaned over to switch the Christmas tree lights on, the colours lifting her mood a little. She pressed the button on the remote to bring up Netflix and chose The Holiday to watch. She was on a Christmas movie marathon, god knows she needed the cheerfulness from this time of year! She had received some sympathetic messages from Margaery and Myranda once she had told them the situation but their sympathy just made her sadder.

She opened her laptop, resting it above her knees as she stretched out on the couch. She had been so busy the last couple of days with the whole drama at Jon’s birthday and dealing with Harry she hadn’t checked her emails since the Friday before, which would be a week tomorrow.

She searched for the hotel she had booked for New Year, filling out the cancellation request. It was probably petty of her, Harry wouldn’t have had anywhere to stay. But she had paid for it herself, the whole trip and Harry had never offered his half, not even today when she had given him her ticket. He would just have to get the last train home, bummer.

She paused as she went back to her inbox, curser hovering over the words Look. She felt like she was hyperventilating as she opened the email, her heart pounding in suspense. Look was one of her favourite magazines when she was a late teenager and she had bought it religiously until she had started dating Harry.

She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes briefly to calm herself before she looked at the screen again, clicking to bring the email up.

Holy fuck!

She grabbed her phone, her fingers shaking as she pressed the call button in the group chat. She listened to it ring before Margaery’s voice answered first.

“Hey honey!”

“Sup,” Myranda chimed in followed by Arya’s not so charming ‘What?’

“Are you okay Sansa?” Jeyne asked when she logged in. Sansa could barely sit still. The excitement was bubbling over.

“I have an interview with Look magazine!” she squealed after keeping them in suspense long enough.

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” Jeyne gasped and Sansa could hear her clapping in excitement and then the muffled sound of her passing it on to Robb.

“Awesome, I’m proud of you sis!” Arya added.

“Can we get like, free pens?” Myranda asked, her tone sounding as though she was genuinely interested. And then she gasped. “Ooooh or free samples of stuff like make up or vibrators!”

“I don’t have the job yet!” Sansa teased, reading the email again. “But if I get it and they need sex articles or reviews, I’ll give you a shout!”

“This is great,” Margaery said, her grin evident in her voice.  “You deserve it honey!”

“Thank you guys,” Sansa replied, unable to stop smiling.

She said her goodbyes and closed off the chat. She switched off the television and focussed on making some notes for her interview. She only had a couple of days and made a note to herself never to neglect her emails again.

She was half way through looking up interview questions when she thought about what she would wear. She closed the laptop and put it back on the table and then going through to the bedroom. She opened the wardrobe and then paused when her eyes fell on the dolls house. She reached out, fingers tracing the tiles of the roof.

Gods, she had thought it was a beautiful gift before but now, seeing how Jon had matched even the smallest of details. How could she have not seen it before? Harry had only been around to the Stark house once before that. She had been so naïve, so easily swayed. No wonder her siblings had hated Harry so much, they must have watched her simpering over Harry and him lapping up the attention like a cat with the cream.

She sighed, throwing an old sweater over it. She would have to give it back to Jon, it didn’t feel right to keep it anymore. Once it was covered, she concentrated on picking out her outfit for her big interview.

***

“We’ll be right out here,” Robb said, clapping Jon on the shoulder and Jeyne gave him a hug. He managed a smile as he turned to where his therapist was waiting at the door.

She moved aside, shutting the door behind him and indicating for him to take a seat. He tapped his foot nervously as she sat opposite him with her notepad. She smiled at him as she leaned back in her chair.

“Hello Jon, I’m Brienne.”

“Hi,” Jon said after a moment, eyes darting around the room nervously.

“So, there is no pressure to talk about anything,” Brienne continued. “You can say as little or as much as you want, okay?”

Jon nodded, hands curling around his knee as he folded his right leg over his left. Brienne smiled again, moving so her upper body was leaning towards him.

“You were first diagnosed two years ago,” Brienne started, glancing at her notes. “Can you tell me about that?”

“I don’t remember much of it,” Jon replied. “I…I just spent most of my time in my bed. I didn’t see many people, didn’t contact anyone either.”

“Depression often makes us feel worthless,” Brienne added sympathetically. “It doesn’t matter what our friends and family say, your brain is telling you otherwise.”

“I already felt worthless before that,” Jon answered with a shrug with a forced swallow. Brienne moved back again.

“Tell me about your mother,” she said and Jon’s exhaled slowly.

“I don’t even remember her,” he answered after a moment with a bitter laugh. “Not clearly anyway. I remember bits and pieces. I know she had dark hair and grey eyes but her face…it is blurry in my mind. And I remember her singing to me…” he trailed off with a smile, remembering his favourite song as a child. Brienne was silent as she listened. Jon shook his head from the memory.

“I know she was kind,” he continued. “I remember her telling me to always be kind to people, to be grateful for what I had and help those less fortunate.”

“She sounds like she was a wonderful woman,” Brienne said after a moment, giving him a small, sympathetic smile. Jon nodded, feeling his eyes starting to burn and he turned his face away. “There is no shame in crying Jon.”

“I know,” he bit out before he could stop himself, his breath shaking as he tried to control himself. “It is just…since she was killed, my whole life turned upside down and it is so stupid that after everything, I can’t even remember her properly.”

“It has been over twenty years Jon and you were young,” Brienne sympathised. “It is understandable. It doesn’t make you a bad son. Is that what worries you?”

“There was a woman next door that would babysit me,” Jon added suddenly. “I called her Old Nan. I remember at my mum’s funeral, she told me to always remember that my mum loved me.”

“But you don’t think she should have?” Brienne tested. “Do you feel not remembering her makes you unworthy of her love?”

“I…I suppose,” Jon replied.

“It Is often an unconscious thing,” Brienne continued. “What about your romantic relationships? How have they been affected?”

“I love this girl…woman,” Jon started. “She is my best friend’s sister and I had a huge crush on her when I first met her. But she didn’t know how I felt and she went out with someone else. I ended up with someone else but that didn’t work out.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Jon frowned. “Because I loved another.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy relationship,” Brienne replied. “It is a normal way of moving on, allowing your heart to be open.”

“But, I don’t want to love anyone else!”

“Jon,” Brienne sighed. “Love is a complicated thing but there is a fine line between love and infatuation.”

“I had a friend with benefits deal with the woman,” he explained. “With the woman, I love. And it felt real, we went well together.”

“It seems to me,” she said after a moment. “That you have focussed so solely on this woman because she reminds you of what you could have had, the idea of a family appeals to you. But happiness is not explicitly linked to love. Have you thought about what else you want from life?”

Jon huffed because he wanted to deny it, to say that he loved Sansa and would always love her and who did this woman think she was? But she was already on the new subject and Jon didn’t see the point in protesting.

***

She took a deep breath at the door of the bar where she had agreed to meet everyone. It had been Myranda’s idea to have drinks after her interview regardless of what the news was. If it was bad news, get drunk and bitch. If good news, get drunk and celebrate. Myranda was nothing if not practical.

She saw everyone at the table. Robb had his arm around Jeyne as they spoke to Margaery and Myranda. Arya was sitting at the edge her jacket slung on the empty chair beside her in order to keep it for Sansa. She knew it was right to spend time away from Jon just now but she couldn’t help being sad he wasn’t here.

She crossed over to them, the others spotting her and watching her with suspense as she took her coat off and sat down. Margaery slid her drink over to her and then rested her hand in her palm, eyebrows raised in silent question.

“Spill it Stark!” Myranda said after a moment. Sansa sighed again.

“I got a job,” she started, wincing when everyone started squealing and clapping. She managed to dodge Myranda’s hug, exhaling sharply as she continued.

“In London.”