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Whiskey and Adrenaline

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The sign of a grin appeared on the moon, and the man’s own grin grew. Gordon stood on the rooftop, stoically trying not to appear frightened.

“Boo.” Of course, it took little to destroy the façade. Gordon jumped and turned to look at Joker, for a moment with wide eyes, but the seasoned cop took a deep breath and composed himself in record time.


“You say, ‘hello’ but what I think you mean is ‘fuck off.’” Joker pokes Gordon in the cheek, where one of his dimples would be if he ever bothered to smile. In character, the man frowns deeper. “Aw, why so serious?” He chortles.

“You know what I think about you-“

“Undying love?”

“Undying hatred. What I was going to say was we need your help. Another one of those vigilante types. He attacked Carmine Falcone.”

“That’s not so bad. I do that all the time.”

“Really? Never would have figured it out myself-“ Gordon began.\

Joker gasped. “Is that a joke! Wonderful! We must take a photo for the occasion!” Pulling out a Polaroid that was almost obnoxiously old, he snapped a photo of the perturbed commissioner. Pretending to wipe a tear from his eye, he chuckled. “Magnificent! Baby’s first joke.”

“Very funny. Now will you let me finish?” Joker nods. He knows not to stretch out a joke…too much. “Excellent. Carmine Falcone wasn’t injured, but his niece was blown to pieces, and Falcone will take our heads if we don’t catch this asshole.”

“Do we know who they are?”

“He goes by the name ‘Batman’. Yes I see that laughter and we all had a good chuckle too before he put three of my officers in hospital. One may not even be able to walk again.” Gordon hissed, but for once the anger was not directed at him.

“…So, want me to kill him?”

“…If you deem it necessary.” In other words, yes. Excellent.

“Well, Commissioner Gordon, your resident nutcase is at your service! Please send the details to Harleen Quinzel and she will let me in on what I need to know. Later!” With that, he stepped off the building. No point being a superhero if he can’t have a little pizzazz here and there…or a lot of it.

“Oh sugar~” He crones into the mic of his ex-girlfriend. “I know you are eating at Pam’s place, but I need your help for a mission. It’s very special. Gordon came himself!” He chuckled, knowing Harley would get his joke.

“Fuck off Joker.” Pamela hissed. It turns out he was right after all if she could hear his witty commentary.

“Hi Pudding!” She giggles as Pamela groans at the nickname. If it didn’t annoy the new girlfriend so much, neither of them would probably continue using their old nicknames from when they were together. It had been a messy time for both of them, drugs, alcohol and issues, but they had both cleaned up. Somewhat. He enjoyed a few drinks frequently and she had hooked up with her drug dealer. Pamela was too much of a hipster to lace her shit, so he didn’t worry at all, and Harley stopped worrying when he proved that he would grab a glass instead of a bottle for the tequila. In other words, it was all good.

“So apparently we got some guy named Batman running around and blowing up gangsters and beating up police officers.”

“Good. I like him already.” Pamela grinned. It was no secret that she hated cops. It had almost cost her the PhD when she punched a police officer in the face. Mind you, she just hated people in general so what else was new? The biologist was more plant than human at times.

“Yeah well, Gordon doesn’t and he kind of expunged our records. So I got to check him out. Well, I don’t have to, but I want to.” He grinned, darting through the alley. “Sounds like my kind of guy.”

“Ooh! I just got his file…” Suddenly he heard the sound of two women howling in laughter. Now he very much wanted in on this joke. “Mr J! H-he, he’s dressed like a bat!” Harleen can barely squeeze out between gasps for air, and he isn’t sure if Pamela is even breathing at this point.

“That, is phenomenal. Batman dresses like a bat. Can I get your analysis on this guy?”

“Doctor Harleen Quinzel in the house! I got to admit, this one is a bit harder to read, since, you know I haven’t met the guy. But he looks like he could be one of my patients.” She snickers. “Looks like one of those angst types.”

“Might have been part of the army with how good of shape he is in.” Doctor Pamela Isley mused.

“Seems like one of those hypermasculine types, like the serious kind. Not the goofy kind with a truck but, yeah Pam I think military nailed it. He’s got to have a lot of dough though. That suit doesn’t come cheap.”

“Rich masculine guy who may have been in the army. Sounds great!” This was going to be a fun night, wasn’t it?

A shadow covered him and suddenly a strong arm wrapped around his neck. Oh hell no. “You got to take me to dinner first, deary.” He chuckled. With the nimbleness of an acrobat, he twisted around. “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.” Kicking a slender leg through the air directed towards his head, he used his face to backflip out, landing like a proper showman. “Jack jumped over the candlestick. I would assume you’re the bat everyone keeps talking about, or does anyone else have the nerve to dress like that?”

He didn’t say anything, but he stood up and walked towards him. It was unnerving, viewing such a mix of feral and control at once. It was also kind of exhilarating, he had to admit. No, it was absolutely exhilarating.

“You want to play? I can play.” He grinned. Pulling out the Joker gas, an invention that used to be lethal before Gordon threw a fit, he pulled out the key with his teeth.

“You look like you could have a good laugh.” He cackled, bowling it towards his leg. Unfortunately, he moved too quickly. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to do it from the front, but it looked so cool when it worked. Damn. It meant this one had half a brain at least.

“Good dodge!” Well, turns out he didn’t dodge so well with a knee to the face. Joker coughed, spitting up blood and a tooth, which he quickly pocketed. It was easier to jam the thing back in then get a replacement. “Why my face? That’s my best feature!” He gagged slightly on the blood pouring from his nose. Damn, those legs could crush a watermelon with that much coverage. Maybe if they got to know each other a bit better, he could get his number.

“You are part of this corruption in this city!”

“Ooh! You speak! Doesn't answer about the face, though that was technically rhetorical.” If Joker sounded like he smoked a pack a day he may not have been so keen to speak either. Batman shoved him into the wall.

“Dog of the cops, just on the payroll of this fucking city.” Spittle hit his face. He’d go to get tested, but he suspected this man had never had the opportunity to catch anything. Pity.

“Actually, I do this for free. Do it for kicks, technically.” He shrugged, not really phased by the declaration. “Funny thing, I know someone you’d get along really well with. She talks like that after a Long Island.” He snickered, remembering the time Pam almost got arrested three weeks ago.

“Disgusting.” He shoved him down on the ground as he walked away.

“What, you get paid for this? You still think you are different than me? You’re pretty much Edgy Deathstroke.” He laughed. “You’re no better than me, get your head out of your ass.”

Batman whipped around, clearly offended. Joker rolled his eyes. “So, are you going to shove me against a wall and jack off to some honour speech?”

“Don’t. Get. In. My. Way.”

“Honey, that only works if I’m intimidated by you.” He chuckled, shrugging as he walked off, planning his next move. “I’ve seen worse.” Ah. He was far enough. What if he dropped another gas bomb? That should work...and…he’s gone. Damn. That would have been badass.

Oh well. He was sure he’d have another chance soon. This was going to be fun.