As narrated by James T. Kirk.
Inspired by Beautiful Now [feat. Jon Bellion] by Zedd. I really encourage you to listen to it. You can find it here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n1a7o44WxNo
I truly love him. I really, truly, do. I never thought that I'd fall for another male of any species, really. But Spock is... Spock. There's always been something different about him.
It sounds cliche, but I'm drawn to him like a moth to flame. I lay awake at night thinking about how lucky I am. No matter how my life has been up to this point, no matter how awful or tragic or shitty, or whatever, there's Spock. And I love him, and somehow, he's in love with me, too.
I'll never forget the mission on Varda XV. The away team had been exploring the caves on one of the main beaches, and there was a cave in. Part of the team had made it out before the roof collapsed, but Spock was still helping the scientists that hadn't made it when the rumbling started. We'd lost contact with them for three days. Bones was worried, Scotty was worried, we all were. Were they okay? Were there any injuries? Had they been trapped under rubble, did they have enough air to last as we tried to dig them out? We had no idea. The natural magnetism of the rock was blocking all signals in or out.
It took most of those three days to get to them, and they were all fine. Except for Spock. He'd gotten injured keeping the scientists away from the cave-in as the rocks were falling. He wasn't doing so good, either. Quite a bit of the ceiling had apparently landed on him, but the rest of the team had pulled him out of the pile-up right away.
He was already in a healing trance by the time we'd gotten to him, so Bones kept him in Sick. There were a lot of hypos and there were prayers for a couple of weeks, from all around the ship.
I was there when he woke up, despite Bones having told me I needed to get some sleep. I remember very clearly the moment his eyes opened and he looked over at me and said, "Jim?" I reached over to him and held his hand, and he squeezed back. I knew at the moment that all of my worrying, all of my stress... snapping at the crew, at Bones, not eating like I should, all of it... was because I loved him. It wasn't a surprise; I'd known it for a long time, but this was different. I didn't love him as a friend anymore. I knew I couldn't let him not know. I couldn't let him go on another mission not knowing how I felt. Even if it ruined our friendship.
Everything was a blur as I told him I was glad that he was okay this time, but that he needed to know something really important. I told him I couldn't let him go on another mission without knowing it. He was worried, I could tell. Most people don't notice the emotions beneath his surface, but I always have. Clearly.
And he was worried for me. Not for himself and the state he was still in; cuts, bruises, everything. But me. I guess it was written all over my face that I was stressed out. He probably already knew in that short amount of time that I'd been a total ass to the crew while he was unconscious. He's always known me so well, and Bones said he's got some bit of awareness of the passing of time while in a trance... so I guess so.
He held my hand tighter, and I told him. I said, "Spock. I... I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I have to tell you how I feel. I have to tell that I love you. So I... love you."
He smiled then, just a tiny one, and he'd never admit it later, but I saw it. Bones came in then to kick me out, but that wasn't the end.
It took about a month for him to get out of Sick. During that time, I went to see him every day. I brought him some of his things from his quarters, and Bones mostly left us alone. It wasn't until he'd been back on duty for a little while that he asked to see me in his room. I went, thinking he wasn't as healed up as Bones said he was, and I was ready to tell him so.
When I walked in, there were candles lit around the main room, and I could smell what turned out to be the dinner he'd set up for us.
He invited me in to sit, so I did. He took my hand in his, something I'd noticed we'd been doing to each other more often than before the accident, and brought it to his lips. I'm sure I was staring at him, but he just placed my hand down on the table and served us some food.
Later that evening, he asked me if I wanted to stay, and I did. We talked most of the night, and in the early morning, as I was by the door getting ready to leave, he told me, "You know that Vulcans do not share feelings in the same ways that humans do, Jim."
I told him I knew that, and I wanted him to just be himself. Spock reached over to me and extended his two forefingers, in what he said was a Vulcan kiss. I hurriedly repeated the gesture and he took my wrist and pulled me toward him until our fingers met.
It's been six years, and we're not on the Enterprise anymore, but nothing's really changed. I still see Bones every day, and wake up next to Spock.
We had our bonding ceremony on New Vulcan, with his dad, Sarek, and a few others. I still don't know their names. My mom wasn't there, but she threw us a small reception when we went on leave to Earth last Autumn. Boy, did that surprise a lot of people! They knew I was married, but not to a Vulcan, and not to a man! Sometimes I think Mom is a bit sadistic with her friends.
It was a lot of fun. They asked way too many questions, and Spock was happy to answer them all. I was happy to drink too much spiked lemonade and watch him preen himself at the attention.
It's a good life.
Jim Kirk out.