Honestly I don't even know where to start. I got asked today by my mom why do you love Keith. I couldn't really come up with a reason. I said some bull shit answer like "because he makes me happy." which isn't a lie.
He does make me happy, but she's asking why do I love him. Honestly it's not just one reason.
I love Keith because he's Keith I guess, but if I gave that answer to her she'd just call me dumb. Well I guess I love Keith because he's beautiful, but I mean it goes way more than that. He's not just beautiful he's breathtaking. To wake up to that man every morning is my dream. I don't care if we're poor or rich. I don't care if we live in a small 1 bedroom apartment or a big house. As long as I get to see his face everyday.
I know that on our wedding day I'm going to look at Keith and think exactly what I think everytime I see him. "man this boy is beautiful" how else do I explain it but that.
But that's not all Keith is. There is way more to loving Keith than just how pretty he is. I love how at night when I'm having a bad night he holds me until I'm done crying. I love how I feel like he's just there for me 100%. He's my forever and always. But I can't tell my mama that, if I say that she'll just judge me. "Lance you're only 20 who says you'll be with him forever."
She doesn't get it. She's not in my body. She doesn't understand how Keith makes me feel. I've been with Keith since I was 15. 15 do you understand how hard that is. How many ups and downs there are when you're 15. To add on top of it, our relationship was long distance until I turned 18. I love Keith with my whole being. I wish people would stop telling me I'm to young to understand it.
I love Keith because he makes me laugh, just the stupidest things he says makes me smile. I love how secretly dorky he is. How he would rather stay up until 3 am with me watching star wars than go to any party. I love how we used to talk on the phone for hours. I love how when things were hard Keith always knew how to make me laugh.
Keith is my forever. My one and only. If he's not I'm not sure what I'll do. I can't imagine that anyone would make me feel close to what Keith does. I love everything about him. How he tried to schedule his classes around his afternoon soap operas. See that's embarrassing, no one else knows he watches them but me.
I love how Keith used to beg me to stay on the phone with him because he had trouble sleeping at night from nightmares. He told me that when he had a nightmare the only thing that would calm him is hearing my little snores on the other side of the phone.
But don't get me wrong I love Keith for even the things that aren't pretty about him. I love him even when he gets stressed and pushes me away and says things he doesn't mean. I love how he's kinda dirty and leaves his dirty clothes everywhere. Who am I kidding I don't love that, but I accept that.
I think this little rant in my journal today isn't about how much I really love Keith, which is a lot. It's about the fact that I love so much that even the bad things aren't really that bad. I accept Keith for everything he is. I don't think that my mom understands that. She just sees this as some little kid relationship. First love, she expects the heart break, she thinks once I see the ugly parts of Keith or he sees the ugly part of me. That we will just bail.
I have seen the ugly parts of Keith, I know that it's not always sunshine and rainbows. I know that he has a dark past. When he was younger he was adopted and used to get into trouble a lot for being hot headed. I know that when Keith gets mad he really just wants space to think. I know Keith from him smelly socks to his non-existent facial hair.
I love Keith because he's Keith. Next time that's what I'm going to tell her, I don't care what she says. I wish I could pinpoint exactly why I love him. I wish I could give her a straight answer but there is not a straight answer. I just love Keith because he is who he is. He's beautiful and lovely and sometimes when he's running late he forgets to brush his teeth. Also when he gets drunk he gets way to friendly with everyone.
I love how during exam season he forgets to take showers and I have to remind him. I even love Keith when he gets to stressed and screams at me to go away. To be really honest that one time that Keith got really stressed and yelled at me telling me he didn't love me anymore.
I even loved Keith when he said that. I now know that Keith doesn't say the things he means when he's stressed. When he's stressed he wants to be alone and will say anything to get that. I also know that when Keith is hurt he will say the most hurtful thing to hurt you. He's a mess but I love him. I have for 5 years and I will continue forever. I really mean it when I say this is my forever, he's my forever. And if my mom doesn't believe me I don't really care. I know how I feel, she doesn't. And this is my forever.