Chapter 1: The Depression
Here he was again. In the gutter. On a rainy day no less. With nobody to turn to. Wendy left him again, Kyle was quick to prance off to Cartman’s house the moment he heard Stan was depressed again, and Kenny was neck deep in an orgy pile.
Stan sighed to himself. He expected this from all of them. Kenny he understood. Ever since puberty, he had a pretty someone on his arm. Mostly they were girls but every once and awhile he had a guy to go home with. Kyle and Cartman weren't friends per se but Kyle always ran away to anyone else when Stan was depressed. This time it was another get rich quick scheme that had to do with peddling amateur gay porn that was stolen from the internet and burned onto discs like DVDs. Not that Kyle knew that.
Stan sighed. He was used to this. This feeling of rotting away inside while he wallowed in a world so full of shit that he would drown it faster than he would in the bottom of any beer bottle. Not that he had any of that right now either. His mother had found a few empty bottles in his underwear drawer and locked it all away from the ‘men’ of the house. He hadn't even been drinking that much, just enough to make it through a day. Now his mother was disappointed in him and his father wouldn't talk to him… Shelly helped him sneak out because he was ‘being a mopey turd’ and pissing her off.
So here he sat. Freezing in the rain and not even giving enough of a shit to try and move to the drier ground. He knew he was most likely going to get some illness and he hoped it killed him. Like anyone would care if it did. His parents only cared when he brought his problems home and even then it was the standard surface caring all parents had to do. Kyle obviously never cared for him, at least not the way Stan did him. He had practically stolen Cartman’s kidney to save Kyle’s life, had written the gayest ‘save the Earth’ song most likely in all of history to make Kyle come back, and all he had to show for it was a “fair-weather friend” who wouldn’t even try to help Stan when he was feeling down.
He had hung out with the goths for a few hours today.
They didn't seem to care that he came around when he was feeling like this. They were always willing to listen to him pouring out the blackness of his heart, so long as he did it with a poem, and call him Raven until his ‘conformist’ self came back. However, he knew he didn't really belong with them.
So after six hours of dark poems, shitty diner coffee, and smoking he told them not to die in their sleep and left. They said the same to him, as is customary among those who seek refuge in hating existence.
He sighed out in resignation and pulled his knees to his chest. He missed the days before he was like this. He missed running around and playing tag, he missed wild trips to Canada on Christmas Eve, and he missed true Super Best Friends.
He didn't know who to be more upset with Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny, or himself for being like this. He watched the people walk by him pointedly not looking at him. He didn't blame them, they probably thought if they made eye contact he’d try to spill his life story to them like most depressed people.
He sat in the rain, on the side of the street, staring at the water flowing into a grate leading to the sewers. He wasn't really WATCHING it though. He was too deep in his own depression to care.
Life was shitty. Movies sucked. Music was all about sex and drugs with zero meaning. Nobody actually gave a rat’s ass about him and nobody cared that he was sitting with his feet in a wet gutter in the rain.
“Stan?” A small voice drawls from his left. Stan turns to find Butters looking at him with worry etched into his features. He was holding an umbrella, wearing a turquoise raincoat, and matching galoshes.
Stan merely shrugged before turning back around. “Hey, Butters.” He muttered in a voice steeped with sorrow, making it deeper than he normally allowed himself to sound.
“Well, gee Stan, you sound sad. Wanna talk about it?” Butters asked. He stepped closer to Stan so the umbrella was covering them both.
“Well, you should at least get out of the rain. You’ll get sick.” Butters pointed out. Stan couldn't help but roll his eyes.
“I don't care,” Stan responded harshly. Now that rain wasn't pouring on his head he realized his clothes were sticking to his body and he was shaking like a leaf. Butters was quiet for a moment, though he didn't leave.
When he did speak again it startled Stan. “Your teeth are chatterin’. You don't gotta go home Stan, but let me get ya outta the rain. My parents went to Havai for their anniversary so it’s okay.”
Stan was about to protest, Butters was still and most likely always will be a “melvin” and he really didn't need a loser hanging around right now, however, Butters was already grabbing his soaked arm and dragging him up. He didn't even make a sound as Butters yanked him close under the umbrella and began leading him back to the Stotch residence.
He’d deny it later if anyone even bothered to ask, but he didn't mind being forcibly pressed to Butters body right now. He allowed Butters heat to warm his soaked and freezing body. It certainly brought back some comfort to his slightly shaking form. Butters held on to him the whole walk to his house as if he was afraid Stan would run the moment he let go. Once they were on Butters porch he handed the umbrella to Stan. “You hold the umbrella while I unlock the door.”
“Whatever.” Stan sighed.
Butters gave him a soft smile and turned back to the door. Stan looked around at the dreary neighborhood and noticed Kyle and Cartman leaving the house across the street smiling at each other. Cartman noticed him and blatantly turned to look back at Kyle. He watched as Cartman purposefully did what he could to keep Kyle from looking at him as he walked away.
He sighed again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to Butters. He noticed that he was the only one under the umbrella and stepped closer. “Sorry.” He muttered in embarrassment. Really why the hell was he so upset over Kyle? This was how it always was between them!
“I ain't upset over a little rain, Stan. I’m more worried about how you’re feelin’.” Butters clicked the door open and ushered Stan inside before following him.
“Like death.” Stan looked at Butters with a straight face. He was still shaking a bit from the cold. Butters tilted his head and moved closer. Stan turned around, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes. Next thing he knew two arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer to a warm torso.
“There, there little buddy.”
Stan sighed. “Butters shut up.” Stan grit out. “I don't need shitty sympathy from someone who doesn’t get it.”
He didn't hear any reaction from Butters at that. Butters did move away though. “You remember where the bathroom is right? Go ahead and take a shower to warm up. I’ll grab your clothes and put them in the washer.” Butters told him. “You can let all your worries out once you aren't soaked. Okay?”
“Sure. Whatever.” Stan took his boots off and walked upstairs to Butters bathroom and stripped out of his black clothes. He turned the shower on and stepped in. Once he was in the steaming cascade of water he couldn't help but wonder why the hell he was even here. Wasn't he wishing for a deadly disease to kill him not even fifteen minutes ago? Wasn't he just lamenting the whole fucking world and its current state?
So why the hell was a taking a shower in Butters house of all places? Why the ever loving fuck did he let himself be yanked out of the gutter and brought here? He shook his head. May as well finish the shower now that he’s started it. He sighed and examined his options as far as shampoo and soap went. Strawberry scented shampoo, conditioner, and body wash was one shelf, most likely belonging to Butter’s mom. Old Spice Krankengard sat on another shelf and Stan raised an eyebrow at it. Butters smelled more like lilacs earlier so there was no way that was his.
Stan used it anyway. He didn't hear Butters come in or leave new clothes but once he had scrubbed himself he got out anyway. Lo-and-behold there was clean clothes for him to wear on the toilet lid. Stan was surprised to see they were just as black as his other clothes and there was a small tube of eyeliner on top of the pile.
Still, he reapplied his eyeliner and put on the black clothes. They fit surprisingly well and he shrugged when he looked in the mirror. They felt odd on his skin. Too soft.
He went to find Butters downstairs after his shower. Butters was on the floor in the living room, a pile of movies scattered around him. “Oh hey, Stan! I was trying to find something for us to watch! Any requests?” He asked happily.
Stan looked at Butters through bored eyes. “Why they’re all just gonna be shit anyways?”
“Well, I figured the guest so I’d ask. Besides, it’s better than silence.” Butters said.
“Something dark and soul crushing, then. Got anything horror?” He grumbled out.
“Well, I don't got many. Dad’s a bit squeamish, but mom has a stash behind the TV stand. She’s got a few from Stephen King and one called Thirteen Ghosts.” Butters put all the movies back and peeked his head between the wall and the TV stand. “There’s also Saw one through five, The Ring, and one called Teeth.”
“Which one’s from King you got?” Stan moved to sit on the couch. He sat in the middle, it was his default position when Kyle and Cartman were around and got comfy.
“Pet Sematary, The Shining, The Stand, and Children of the Corn,” Butters responded. “Anything tickle your fancy?”
“Nobody says that anymore! And you could put on Thirteen Ghosts, I’ve seen all the others.” Stan spoke normally before he shook his head and grumbled, “Or whatever, I don't really care.”
Butters put the movie on and sat down beside Stan. “I’m happy to see those clothes fit you.”
“Where did you even get this outfit?” Stan asked. “Looks too cool to be something you’d wear.”
“Well, you remember when I joined the vampire kids back in fourth grade? I sorta liked the style so I bought an outfit after I outgrew my other one. I don't wear ‘em much since my parents don't like the thought I might be ungroundable, but I like to wear ‘em when nobody’s around.” Butters answered.
“Then why are they my size rather than yours?” Stan asked before he could stop himself.
“I like baggy clothes. And besides, the bigger sizes have more pockets.” Butters giggled.
Stan raised his eyebrow but quickly shrugged it off. “Whatever.” Stan went back to watching the movie. It was the part when the dad and the crazy lady with the flares were hiding in the library when he looked over to Butters again. He had his knees pulled to his chest and a pillow cuddled to his chest. Stan really didn't know what came over him but he wrapped an arm around Butters shoulders and pulled him close to himself. “Are you really that scared?”
Butters immediately and unquestioningly cuddled into him and for some reason, Stan felt something stir in his chest… Odd. It felt fluttery and a heat rose to his face. “Yeah. I suppose my dad isn’t the only squeamish one.” Stan was happy the sun was fully down and it was dark in the room. Butters was still much warmer than him and he relished in the additional body heat. The movie was almost over. “Y-ya know, I kinda hate how in every horror movie there’s this...broken family in the start. Then all this stuff happens to ‘em and they’re supposedly fixed.” Butters muttered. “Like, you’d think being shoved in this position and almost dying would really mess up their heads.”
“In reality, all these pretty little families would need years of therapy and that kid probably wouldn't recover,” Stan responded. “But Hollywood wouldn't make any money if these shitty movies were realistic.”
“I suppose that’s true,” Butters muttered.
Stan had lost interest in the movie. “Everyone always tries to justify these things by saying after going through stressful situations with people you bond with them and you get attached and blah blah- but that’s bullshit. I mean there are people I’ve been through tons of life and death situations with and you don't see them running to the rescue when my whole world turns to shit!” Stan rambled. “I mean how many times have I let Kyle and his self-righteous morals pull me into trouble?! How many times has Cartman gotten us into trouble with the law because he can’t keep his fat mouth shut!?”
Butters didn't back off from Stan’s side as he rambled. He held on tighter and began to rub his back in as soothing a manner as he could. He didn't say anything at all and Stan took that as an invitation to continue.
“Seriously?! I’ve always tried my best to be there for them! I warn them about trouble, I slave my ass off to save them when I can and sometimes when I can’t! The whole world is shit and I had hoped at least my Super Best Friend wouldn't be shit too.” Stan stopped ranting when he realized his voice had cracked.
Butters rose up and pressed Stan’s face to his shoulder and Stan let himself cry it out. He held on tight to Butters not even realizing the uncomfortable position Butters was in. His butt was still on the couch with his legs facing forward, but his back was twisted at an odd angle. Butters didn't say a word as he rubbed Stan’s back.
“I wish I had a beer or some whiskey or something!” He sobbed.
“Awe Stan, Ya can't bury yourself in the bottle.” Butters hugged tighter.
Stans reply was too muffled by Butters own shoulder to be understandable. He sniffled and tried to calm himself down. He detached himself from Butters and wiped his nose with some tissues from the coffee table in front of him. He didn't say anything, he wasn't sure what to say.
“For what it counts, I don't think there’s anything wrong with you, Stan. Some people handle things differently than others and while Kyle can handle of things he isn’t the type to handle sad things well.” Butters says. “He likes to seem tough, and maybe in some ways he is, but he’s never been able to deal with sad things.”
“What do you mean?” Stan asked. He was drained and too tired to argue.
“Well, remember when he had that hemorrhoid? Right after Cartman’s grandma left him a million dollars? He just kind of shut down. When he got too depressed he was letting himself go.” Butters said. “Kyle can’t handle depressing situations without someone and even then he could still shut down. In that sense, you’re stronger than Kyle.”
“I don't see how that makes me stronger. I’m just too cowardly to give up.” Stan responded.
Butters grabbed his face and forced their eyes to meet. “When Kyle’s sad he’s ready to give up ‘cause it’s easier than fighting through it. When you get depressed, you might get sad, but ya don't give up. You fight Stan, even when life hurts worse than anythin’, and that makes you stronger than Kyle.” Butters said. Then he gave Stan a smile. “And I’m real happy you fight Stan. Life wouldn't be the same without ya.”
“Thanks, Butters.” Stan tilted his head. “I never thought of it like that.” He sighed.
“Anytime Stan.” Butters hugged him again and suddenly, not everything seemed so shitty. Life still felt like a chore, he was still exhausted, but it was slightly better… and that’s more than Stan could hope for in this moment. “Why don't ya spend the night? I’ll go throw your clothes in the dryer and you go get comfy.” Butters let go and looked Stan in the eyes.
“Sure. Where are you going to sleep?” Stan asked.
“Well, since you’re the guest I figure I’ll take the couch,” Butters said as he stood up.
“I don't mind sharing. I used to share with Kyle when we had sleepovers. It’d be nice, after the day I had…” Stan trailed off.
“Well, if that’s what ya want then who am I to say no?” Butters smiled. “Go ahead and get comfy. I’ll be up in a minute.”
Stan nodded and went upstairs. He stopped in the bathroom to wipe off his eyeliner but it was mostly gone. The only evidence he had been wearing any were the tracks leading down his cheeks. He wiped them away and went back to Butters bedroom. He took off the shirt Butters had loaned him. He placed his hands on the hem of his pants and considered removing them too but sided against it. He crawled onto the bed and pulled the blankets over himself.
He heard Butters downstairs slam the dryer shut but it was still a few minutes until Butters joined him. “Do Ya mind if I take my shirt off?” Butters asked once the door was shut.
“As long as you don't mind I took mine off already,” Stan answered. Butters took his shirt off and crawled into bed next to him. Once the covers were pulled over him it instantly got warmer and Stan sighed in contentment.
“I'm glad you feel better now.” Butter told him.
“Me too. Thanks for dragging me out of the gutter.” Stan whispered. He watched as Butters closed his eyes and fell asleep. He silently wondered about the feeling he had earlier. Why did his heart flutter and why did he blush? Weren't those things only people you loved were supposed to do to you? Stan knew he wasn’t entirely straight, but he also never thought of Butters in that way.
Butters wasn’t exactly unpopular he was just kind of lame, so they didn't really hang out as much as they did as kids. It usually only happened during football games when Stan was playing and Butters was cheering the team on. Other than that it was forced conversations when their parents dragged them to parties and they were made to socialize.
Now, however, he was shirtless in bed with him and it was hard to not think about him as a possible dating candidate. He was also just noticing that when he thought back to the movie, it wasn't nearly anywhere near as shitty as he remembered it being. He wondered if that was some sort of sign…
Stan didn't even remember falling asleep but he woke up with his arms holding something very warm and when he looked it he realized he had Butters head held to his chest. He quickly let go and climbed over Butters to go to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and ran to the toilet. He lifted the seat and lid to hover his face over the bowl.
He hadn't felt this nervous since he and Wendy first started dating… Stan didn't puke and for that he was thankful. He took time to puzzle over his sudden burst of nausea before he went back out. He tried to think of the last time he felt this decent… The last time someone had tried to help. It was so long ago he couldn't remember it properly. What he did remember is that it had been a long time since he had felt this good. Butters held him, let him cry, never tried to tell him to just stop thinking about it or called him a downer… He took a deep breath and tried to quiet whatever his brain was doing. When he went downstairs he heard the only song he associated with Butters.
“Loo Loo Loo I got some apples. Loo Loo, Loo you got some too.- Oh good morning Stan!” Butters stopped when Stan walked into the kitchen. His face turned red and he turned to look away. Stan was confused for a second. “Your clothes from yesterday are dry, ya can go ahead and grab them. I turned the dryer back on so they’d be warm. Opening the door should turn it off though.” Stan looked down and realized he was still shirtless.
“Oh!” Stan blushed too now. “Thanks. I’ll be back.” Stan went to Butters laundry room and opened the door on the dryer. He pulled out his shirt first and put it on. He was thankful Butters had the thought to turn it back on because the warmth was certainly appreciated. Next, he changed into his boxers and pants. He had gone commando in the pants Butters had given him but he tried not to think about it.
Once he was dressed he went back to the kitchen. Butters was in a blue apron, his usual clothes, and had a pan in one hand and an egg in the other. “I’m making breakfast before we go to school. You want anything?” Butters asked.
“I forgot it’s Monday and that we had school today!” Stan exclaimed. “Shit, I don't have my bag!”
“It’s still early enough for us to stop by your house. Well, we actually beat my alarm.” Butters smiled. “Do you want eggs?” He asked.
“Over medium please,” Stan said. He relaxed and sat at the table. He felt slightly useless right now so he tried conversation. “So how long are your parents gonna be gone, dude?” He asked.
Butters giggled and cracked an egg. “They should be gone another thirteen days.”
“Dude, you got this place all to yourself for two weeks?!”
Butters giggled some more. “Yep. They call every night to check on me, but they won't be home for a while.”
“Why are you giggling? What's so funny dude?”
Butters was all out laughing now. “S-Stan! You look like a goth and you’re saying, dude!” Butters tried to catch his breath. “It’s so weird I can’t help myself!”
Stan paused and considered this before cracking a smile. “I guess it is.” Butters went back to flipping eggs but he still had a smile on his face. “So hey, you have cheer tonight right?” Butters hummed an affirmative answer. “Well, I have football… Maybe I can give you a ride home.”
“Well, that’d be swell Stan. You don't gotta do that though.” Butters slide the eggs from the pan onto plates and moved to the table.
“It’ll make me feel better about crying all over you last night.” Stan took a bite of his eggs and tried to continue his air of nonchalance.
“Well, if it will make ya feel better I suppose I can get a ride home,” Butters answered between bites. They ate their breakfast in content silence and once they were done they began walking to Stan’s house.
“Wait for me here. I’ll be right back.” Stan said as he walked into his house. He was thankful that his mother had already left to run some errands, and his father was still asleep and probably hung over. He went upstairs and changed his clothes into his blue jeans, tennis shoes, and white shirt under his brown hoodie. He also traded his black hat for his blue one. He looked in the mirror and shrugged.
Stan threw his bag on his shoulder and went back downstairs to leave. He grabbed the keys to shitty two door jeep his parents bought for his sixteenth birthday and stepped out the door. Butters was still standing on the sidewalk where Stan left him. “Hey, hop in the jeep and let’s go.”
“Okay!” Butters said happily. He climbed in the passenger seat and set his bag on the floor. Stan started it up and the radio came on blasting some song from a CD Kyle had left in his radio. Butters immediately plugged his ears and Stan turned the music down.
“Go ahead and put on what you want. It’s a short drive anyway.” Stan said. With that, he backed out of his driveway and took them to school.
The day was mostly uneventful for Butters. Until lunch period started. He didn't get to sit at his usual table because the captain of the cheer squad called a meeting so he had to sit with them. He never really felt out of place with the girls since they liked a lot of the same stuff as him. Besides Tweek and Dougie were there too. Dougie was a freshman and had grown his red curls out long enough for the girls to braid and play with. Tweek was a junior like Butters and he had grown his hair to his shoulders, but the only one allowed to touch his hair was Craig. Butters hadn’t grown his hair out it was just as short as it always was.
“Hey, Tweek!” Butters called as he approached the table with his tray.
“Hey, Butters!” Tweek waved. “Do you know what this meeting is about?” He asked.
Butters sat down at the table, macaroni and cheese and meatloaf on his tray. “I think it’s about this year’s uniforms. Apparently, there was a budget cut and the principal finally told us what the changes entail!” Tweek twitched and took a sip of his coffee.
“That’s right Butters!” Wendy said from behind him. She sat next to him. “We have to wait for Dougie, at least, to get here. It’s mainly you boys that are affected by the changes.” She took a bite of her mac and cheese.
“What could they possibly take away from the team now? We already have to provide our own pom poms!” Tweek spit with distaste. Butters smiled and waved over Tweek’s shoulder at Bebe and Dougie approaching.
“Well hey, guys!” Butters called. “We were just waiting on you, Dougie!”
“Me?” he pointed to himself. “Why?”
“Because the changes to our team’s budget mainly affect our team’s males,” Wendy stated patiently. “Please, sit.” She directed Dougie to the empty spot next to Tweek. Dougie sat his tray at the table first and then sat down beside Tweek. “Now we can begin.” She said matter of factly as Bebe sat at her side.
“What is it this time?” Dougie asked. “We already lost our pom-poms.”
“That’s what I said!” Tweek yelled. Butters snickered and Wendy sighed.
“I understand we lost our pom poms. I hate having to provide my own as well, however right now we don't have the funding for them… We also lost funding for different uniforms. The male uniform no longer will consist of jogging pants and a long sleeve jacket.”
“So what they changed it to some other top?” Dougie shrugged. “That shouldn't be a big change.”
“They actually got rid of the option altogether.” Wendy cringed as she the sentence left her mouth. For good reason too, Tweek and Dougie both gapped at her. “The boys will have to wear skirts and tank tops as well now. The company the school goes through just charges too much for the school to consider the male uniform a frugal option.”
“So it’s not frugal for us to wear fucking pants but it’s fine for the debate team to have to fix the podiums Cartman and Kyle break during their matches!” Dougie yelled. “Seriously?! Are you two okay with this?” He looked to Tweek and Butters.
“Well, I mean. We can’t change it… Besides, clothing doesn’t have a gender right?” Tweek asked.
“That’s true I suppose. Besides, it won't be any different from that one time in fourth grade for me…” Butters voiced. “It’ll be fine Dougie. If anyone here should be excited it’s you, your legs will look better than mine!”
Dougie sighed and turned to Wendy. “So when do they come in?”
“Actually, I took your sizes and converted them into women’s sizes a few weeks ago… they arrived this morning. When we meet for practice later I’ll have you guys try them on.” Wendy told them. Butters tried to ignore the screeching and arguing between Dougie and Wendy. They were both his friend and he didn’t particularly feel like taking sides.
Bebe switched to Butters other side. “So Butters,” she whispered. “What was with you showing up with Stan? Did something happen?” She had a smirk on her face and a knowing look in her eye.
“What would have happened Bebe?” Butters asked. “I was just helping a friend out and he gave me a ride in return.”
“Was it just a ride in his jeep or was it some other kind of ride?” She winked and Butters blushed.
“It was just his jeep! Really as if Stan would-”
“Stan?! What are you two talking about? We have more important things to discuss than boys!” Wendy yelled at them. “Butters, please tell Dougie the skirt will cover your genitalia! I swear if girls can wear it, you can too!”
“Well, I don't have a problem with the skirts, Wendy. And I mean, the school wouldn't let us or the girls wear anything that would show off our private parts.” Butters replied. Dougie grumbled but that was the end of it.
The rest of the school day went by fast. Butters had a few classes with Stan and he would peek over every once a while. He was happy Stan seemed okay and was back to his normal self. He did notice that Kyle still seemed to be avoiding Stan and Cartman was doing his best to keep Kyle’s attention.
When cheer practice rolled around Wendy met him at the locker rooms. Even though he was on cheer squad he still had to change in the boy's locker room with the football players. Normally the football players either got there earlier or later depending on when their practice was. Today was an earlier day and there were clothing and backpacks around the lockers. Things that wouldn't fit in the lockers.
Tweek was there already, pulling his pants off with the new uniform unwrapped and folded on the bench behind him. “Hey, Tweek!” Butters greeted. To his credit, Tweek didn't flinch (his relationship with Craig did wonders for his confidence). He had his hair pulled back into a three-part ponytail.
“Hey, Butters.” He replied. They didn't look at each other as they changed. Butters stripped in front of his locker, shoving his clothes in as he removed them and folded them. Then he opened the clear plastic that the uniform was wrapped in and pulled out his tank top. It had sequins all over the “s” the “p” and “cows” then they followed a stripe from the shoulder to the hip. He slid it on and adjusted it as best he could. It was stiff as all uniforms were when they were new. Then he pulled on the skirt. It too had sequins meeting with the other stripe on his top and then going horizontal in a squiggly line to end right below where it started.
He was happy he wore his briefs and not boxers since those would hang out of the bottom. It fit him well, not too snug, not too loose, and it made his legs look nice. He ruffled his hair to give it a messy look. He turned around and looked for Tweek, slightly startled when he wasn’t behind him. He found him in the bathroom, standing as far back from a mirror as possible and looking at himself. “I feel weird… but not bad weird… like… Jesus!” He yelled at the end startling Butters. “Craig is at practice today!” He blushed.
Butters smiled. “He won't be able to keep his eyes off you!”
“That’s the problem!” Tweek yelled back. Then they heard the door open again and looked over to see Dougie. He had his hair pulled back with a hairband that had a bow on it. He was scowling and his face was bright red.
“I hate this.” Was all he said before going to change into his uniform. Butters turned back to Tweek.
“Hey Tweek, do you shave your legs too?” He asked when he noticed Tweek’s legs.
“Yeah… that kind of happened during the metrosexual fad a few years back and once I started they itched like hell until I eventually just kept shaving them.” Tweek answered. They began walking out together.”What about you?”
“Well, I actually was helping Eric with something back in eighth grade and ever since then I liked how smooth they were.”
“Well it makes your legs look longer I think,” Tweek commented. “Anyway, I hope Craig doesn’t notice the skirt… Not until we get home at least.” He whispered Butters figured he wasn't supposed to that last bit so he ignored it.
“We’ll see you on the field, Dougie!” Butters called over his shoulder. Then he and Tweek left the locker room together. They went to the field and most of the girls were there Red, Bebe, Wendy, Lizzy, Lisa, and Annie were stretching and when Butters and Tweek showed up a few of them gasped.
“Ha!” Bebe yelled. “You owe me twenty bucks Red!” She turned and extended her hand.
“Damn it guys! You weren’t supposed to look good in them!” Red growled. The other girls picked their chins up off the ground as Wendy clapped her hands.
“Okay, team!” She yelled as Dougie joined Butters other side. “We have to start getting ready for games! Our first game is next week and we need to be ready!” She clapped. “So today, other than trying on uniforms we also need to set up times we can make banners and other things for the homecoming game. We can talk about that later though now let's practice!”
Bebe raised her hand. “Hey Wendy, we should practice the pyramid, I don't think Dougie has done that yet!” She was smirking like she had something evil planned.
Butters glanced over his shoulder and noticed several boys looking at them including Craig, Stan, Clyde, Token, and Kenny. He waved to the group and turned back to Wendy. “Bebe’s right. Okay, everyone remembers their spots? Dougie, since your small I want you closer to the top try a middle. Bebe, I know you were the middle before but could you try bottom with Butters, Lisa, and Tweek?”
Tweek and Butters got down on all fours on either side of Bebe. Dougie climbs on top of Butters and Bebe and steadies himself. Red climbs on top of Tweek and steadies herself. When Annie went to climb on top Dougie lost balance and they toppled with a lot of cries of pain. “Stop gawking you, idiots!” Wendy yelled and when Butters looked there were the football players still watching them. “Seriously! Where is their coach?!” Wendy asked through grit teeth.
Butters sat up and dusted off his skirt. He noticed Dougie on the ground holding his head and extended a hand to him. “Need some help up?” Dougie turned bright red but nodded and took Butters hand. Butters pulled Dougie up from the ground and righted him. “There, don't worry buddy, we can try again.”
“Thanks, Butters,” Dougie muttered.
Wendy clapped and got their attention again. “Okay, let’s try again!” Butters and Tweek resumed their place beside Bebe on all fours. Again Dougie climbed on top and stabilized himself.
“HEY! DOUG YOUR SKIRT IS RIDING UP!” One of the football players yelled and Dougie tumbled off while tugging his skirt down.
“WOULD YOU SHUT UP!” Wendy yelled back. “Let us practice! You don’t see us harassing your players!”
“That’s it! I can't do this!” Dougie yelled, his face was bright red and he kept trying to tug his skirt down. “I QUIT!” He ran off the field. A couple of the players chuckled but Stan was saying something to the kid who yelled and he looked really angry.
Butters looked at the girls and back to where Dougie went. “Well, I better go after him. Make sure he’s okay… I ain’t never seen him freak out like this.” He walked off the field and to the locker rooms. Dougie was there, his pants on his legs and the skirt on the floor. “What’s wrong Dougie?” Butters asked.
He didn't look at Butters. He took his tank top off and threw it on the floor too. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his bag on his shoulder. “Butters. I know you’re comfortable with this whole skirt thing, but I don’t like it!” He yelled. He slammed his locker shut. “I don’t need another target on my back! I’m a freshman, a ginger, and to top it off the girls riot every time I cut my hair so I constantly look like a chick!” He clenched his hands into fists.
“Well, gee Dougie. If you don't want to wear the skirt I guess I can’t be mad at you for quitting… but isn’t this just letting the bullies win?” Butters asked. “If you quit, and you let their words keep you from doing what you like you’re just making yourself more miserable to make them happy.”
“Butters, I get what you’re saying but sometimes it’s better to just not give them ammunition.” Dougie sighed. “I miss being General Disarray and getting the bullies back… We should have one last hurray as Professor Chaos and General Disarray before we get too old.”
“Oh! Well, okay. W-would that make ya feel better?” Butters asked.
“It would make me feel a lot better to get them back, and it’ll be good to hang out like old times right?” He had a sheepish smile on his face. He leaned back against the lockers with a light pink dusting his face.
“Well, we could meet at the storage place tonight.... I did update my costume so it’ll be cool to show it off.” Butters smiled back. “It’s still silver and green, but now it’s all fabric and metal bracers.”
“Cool. I still have the key to my grandma’s storage unit so that works.” Dougie stood straight. “I’ll see you around sundown?”
“Sure! See ya there buddy!” Butters hyped.
“See ya there.” Dougie smiled, still pink in his cheeks “OH! Take this back to the girl's.” He said picking up the uniform. “I am serious about quitting.” He pushed the fabric into Butters hands and left. Butters went back to the girls with Dougie’s uniform in hand.
The practice was easier once he got back. There were no more gawking or smartass comments, the girls were all super peppy and it rubbed off on him. They set up dates and times to get together and make banners and put the cups in the fence to spell out “Homecoming.”
The cheer squad finished up about 5 minutes earlier than the football players and Tweek and Butters were in the locker room changing when they came in. They were loud and obnoxious as always. Stan ran past everyone and to the bathroom stall. The sounds of puking could be heard, worrying Butters. He threw his cheer uniform in his backpack and put his shirt on.
“Hey there! Aren't you two little gay-moes the twinks prancing around in skirts?” Butters turned to see one of the senior boys with his arm around Tweek’s shoulder. “Nice show, really, I wouldn't mind seeing what’s under them though.” He pulled Tweek closer and Tweek twitched.
“Gah! Back off man! I have a boyfriend!” Tweek tried to pull away, and the jock held on tighter. “I said let go!” Butters stepped closer, his mouth open to say something when he noticed Craig behind the jock. Craig leaned casually against a locker and smirked. Butters raised an eyebrow when he heard a pained “Umph!”
Tweek had punched the bastard in the stomach, making him double over in pain. He had broken free and was rounding to punch him in the face. Craig stepped forward and stopped him. “Easy Tweekers, you won.” He looked to the senior. “Don’t fuck with my boyfriend, asshole. Next time, I’ll be the one to beat your ass.” He threatened.
“Whatever, Tucker! Keep the caffeinated twink! The other one is single.” He turned his sights on Butters. “Aren’t ya short stack? Wanna go out on the town?”
“Oh, gee. I kind of have plans tonight. I'm getting a ride home from a friend and then meeting with Dougie.” He rubbed his knuckles together. “And I got homework and-”
“Alright, alright. Excuses, excuses. We can pick a day for later in the week. Friday at 7. I’ll pick you up.” The senior told him and then walked away.
“Oh but I-” it was too late the senior was gone. Butters sighed and went to check on Stan. “Hey Stan, you okay in there?”
“I'm fine Butters! Just go wait in the jeep.” He called through the door. Butters could tell from his voice he was angry at something but chose to wait to ask. He grabbed his backpack and left the room. He went to Stan’s jeep and tried to open the door. It was locked. So he leaned against it.
Butters wondered if Stan had remembered that he locked it and sent him to wait at a locked jeep or if he honestly didn't remember. Either one would be believable. He was still leaning against the jeep when Kyle ran over. “Hey, Butters.” He said angrily.
“Well, what’s up Kyle?” He greeted cheerfully.
“I need to get a ride home from Stan.” Kyle leaned on the jeep next to Butters. “Can you believe Cartman?! I was helping him with his ‘business idea’ and it turns out he TRICKED me into selling other people’s movies!” Kyle grit his teeth. “AND TO TOP IT OFF IT WAS PORN!”
“Hey, dude!” Stan greeted as he walked up. “What’s up?”
“I need a ride home man. Cartman’s thing turned out to be a bust.”
“That’s fine. Butters, do you mind sitting in back?” He opened the driver’s door and threw his backpack behind the seat.
“Sure Stan,” Butters said as he climbed in the back of the jeep. As soon as Kyle got in Stan started the jeep and turned the radio on. The speakers in his jeep are right behind the front seats on the ceiling so with the music on Butters couldn’t really hear the conversation in front and the few times he tried to talk they just said “yeah” and ignored him. Butters tried to ignore the left out feeling but it made itself at home in the back of his head.
He was the first one dropped off and neither Stan or Kyle said goodbye when he did. Butters went inside and sighed. He shouldn’t have expected the happy moment he had with Stan yesterday to change anything between them. This is what he gets for getting his hopes up.
At least he looked forward to hanging out with Dougie later, and he had a date Friday! Sure the guy was an asshole about it but maybe he would be nice! He was a senior after all! Butters tried to remain positive on the way to his bedroom telling himself that his date with the senior would be nice. He hoped he would get to go to Bennigan’s.
Chapter 3: Stan's Ride Home
“So then Craig walks up to the sophomore who yelled at Dougie and kicks him right in the shin with his cleet. He starts telling him that if he ruins this and makes the cheer squad buy pants for the boys he would personally bury him!” Stan finishes with a smile.
“Dude, he must really like seeing Tweek in a skirt!” Kyle laughed. “Hey that reminds me, doesn’t that mean Butters has to wear a skirt too? Dude, he probably looks like a girl! Everyone is gonna rip on him or beat the shit out of him!”
“Yeah,” Stan said as he gripped the wheel tighter. He honestly didn't know why he felt sick when Butters stepped on the field in that tiny little skirt. He was sure he was getting a virus or something because the alternative meant he was interested in BUTTERS.
“Dude you okay?” Kyle asked. “You seem spacey. You aren't still all depressed are you?”
If only he could get rid of it. “Nah man, I’m fine. I'm just curious why were you still at school? You didn’t have any club meetings tonight.”
“Oh. Cartman asked for my help making the products we were selling… turns out he was downloading free amateur porn and burning it onto discs using school computers then tricking me into helping him sell it.” Kyle spat. “What an ass. That’s the last time I trust him.”
“Yeah.” Just like all the other last times you trust Cartman. Stan added in his head. He felt really tired and kind of exhausted from his day. He pressed on the gas a little harder to make the trip faster. “Dude, can you believe Butters has a date Friday with Stephen Tamil? The fucker just walked up and told Butters he was gonna pick him up Friday at 7 and he didn’t even argue!”
“Dude, Butters is probably desperate! He hangs out with anyone who asks.” Kyle said with a shrug. “Why does it bother you? Butters has always been a pushover.”
“It doesn’t! It’s just weird!” Stan yelled. “Like really, who would want to date Butters?!” He chuckled awkwardly. “I bet he has something else in mind.” His skin crawled at the thought and he struggled to shrug it off.
“Dude, he probably wants in his pants,” Kyle muttered.
“What?!” Stan’s voice got squeaky high pitched as he yelled and jerked his head to take a quick look at Kyle.
Kyle shrugged. “Well, it’s just that, since eighth grade, Butters hasn’t been ugly. I mean, a lot of people are interested in him for his looks. If he were a little a less lame he’d have more dates than just Stephen on Friday!” Kyle looked over at Stan and raised an eyebrow. Stan kept one hand on the wheel and raised his other to rest on his window seal. He tried to act like he didn't care, but there was anger boiling in his blood.
He wished he knew why. They pulled up to Kyle’s house and he put the jeep in park. “Do you want to come in dude?” Kyle hadn’t opened his door yet but he had his hand on the door handle. Stan thought for a minute.
“Nah. I got homework to do and I promised my mom I’d help her with something.” He used the hand that wasn't on the wheel and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“You sure you’re okay now man? You still seem kind of not yourself. Maybe you should try to take it easy.” Kyle offered.
“Alright man. I’ll see ya tomorrow.” Stan cut the conversation off and Kyle got out of the jeep. He backed out of the driveway and was driving home when he saw Kenny in the street, in just his pants. He slowed down and rolled down his window. “Hey, dude, you okay?” He called.
Kenny walked up to his jeep, his parka and shoes in hand. “Yeah man. Just had to split before Lisa’s boyfriend caught us.” He said. “Mind if I hop in?” He asked. Stan shrugged.
“It’s unlocked,” Stan said indifferently. Kenny climbed in and slammed the door behind him. “Dude, easy! Don’t take the door off!”
“Sorry man!” Kenny strapped his seat belt. He began sliding his shoes on. “Thanks, it’s pretty cold out today. Don't want to freeze to death!” Kenny then smirked. “Hey, didja see Butters at practice today? I mean damn, those legs look silky! And when he got on all fours? I just wanted to-”
“Could you not!?” Stan yelled. “Seriously man! It’s Butters you’re talking about!” Stan felt his stomach roll. He felt sick. Why was everyone intent on bringing up Butters?
“What man? Butters got hot and the skirt accentuates that. He’s been on my ‘need to fuck’ list since ninth grade when he lost that bet to Cartman and had to eat a banana without using his teeth!” Kenny raved.
That image popped into Stan’s mind and he felt something crawling up his throat. “Ken can we not talk about this? I feel sick.”
Kenny smirked and looked at Stan with a glimmer in his eye. “Well, gee Stan… Why is that? I know you aren’t a homophobe, so it can’t be that…” He trailed off and rubbed his chin. “What else makes you sick? There aren't any viruses going around… normally you get sick when… you’re in love.” He side-eyed Stan. “Why Stan, if you want Butters to yourself just tell me.”
Stan slammed the gas and drove faster. “Dude, shut up. It’s not like that!” Stan growled. “He’s been our friend since kindergarten! I don't like the idea of doing that with a friend!”
“Awe~ and here I was hoping you’d be up for a three-way with me and Butters.” Kenny laughed at the appalled look Stan shot him.
“Dude!” He yelled. Kenny laughed harder.
“Remember?” Kenny panted, trying to calm himself down. He took a few deep breaths and continued. “Remember when we were kids, and yours and Butters parents got you guys those “Future Me” dudes? Do you remember you asked him to tutor you, and then you tried to run away with him?” Kenny paused. “Cartman said you told Butters like four times “They’ll never tell us they lied Butters, we’re just gonna have to run away” and then you actually looked for warm places to run away to?” Kenny smiled.
“Yeah, we were like nine or ten.” Stan tried calming down. He took a breath before continuing. “Why?”
“Well, it always struck me as odd that like, you were so quick to not only leave all of us behind, and take Butters with you, and not only that, but you NEVER made that offer to Wendy.” He looked at the roof of the jeep. “Like, there was a point where Cartman actually sent assassins after Wendy because of that whole “bra-burning”protest she led that brought a bunch of hippies to town. Like she could have actually died, and you didn't even offer.” Kenny looked over at him with a neutral expression. “I mean, that doesn’t strike you as an odd thing for you to do?”
“I don't know Ken,” Stan answered honestly. “I’ve never thought about it. What are you insinuating?” Stan asked with narrowed eyes and a feeling his insides were churning and frothing.
“Nothing, man. And now how do you feel that you are? Ya know, thinking about it.” Kenny asked as Stan pulled into his home. “How do you feel about it?” He turned off the jeep and they both sat in the jeep for a while. Stan was silent. Kenny waited a good five minutes before continuing.
“Listen, I’m no “Love Doctor” I can’t even keep a relationship a week, but maybe, you should be a little nicer to Butters.” He said. “I saw what he did for you yesterday… pulled a blackened and depressed you out of the gutter. Now today you’re all back to being okay enough to dress normally?” Kenny asked.
“What? When did you-?” Stan asked.
“I was coming to check on ya once I finished my business with the babes from the peppermint hippo… Butters beat me to it.” Kenny leaned the seat back and placed his hands behind his head. “Anyway, it’s just some advice. Think about it okay?”
“Uh, sure.” Stan was bewildered by Kenny’s words and he rested his head on the steering wheel.
“Stan, can I borrow a shirt since I imparted my wisdom upon you?” Kenny asked. That got Stan to nod and leave the jeep.
“I’ll be back.” He ran inside his house, past his dad on the couch, past Shelly’s room and into his own. He found an old white t-shirt and grabbed it for Kenny before running back out to his jeep. “Here. Go ahead and throw this on.” He mumbled. He threw the shirt on Kenny’s abdomen. “You gonna be alright to walk home?” He asked.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Kenny nodded to him. “See ya around, thanks for picking me up.”
“See ya,” Stan said. He walked back inside and went right upstairs. His dad still wasn't talking to him since the booze was locked away, his mom was probably in the kitchen, and Shelly was most likely on her computer. That left Stan with homework or video games. He hooked up the PlayStation in his own room a while ago so he could always play that. Instead, he found himself tossing himself onto his bed face first.
He laid there and relaxed. He felt exhausted even though football practice was the most draining thing he did all day and even that was bad since he spent most of it gawking at Butters… Butters in a skirt. The image popped into his mind. His legs, silky and white protruding from under the green piece of fabric that did little to hide and even less to stop wandering hands.
He rolled over and sat up to shake his head. No way. He wasn't going there… Then where was he going? He knew the signs and the feeling of jealousy having experienced them when Wendy left him for other guys. He knew he was jealous when Stephen scored a date with Butters. He wanted to deny that. He really, really did.
He couldn't deny it any more than he could deny the vomit roiling in his stomach when Butters bent down in his skirt. He sighed and flopped back again. How many other people had been able to snatch him up and say something to shake his depression? Hear him out when he’s upset and actually listen? He couldn't really remember a time when anyone made him feel better. Not fixed, or cured, but at least he felt better. He wondered if Butters ever considered him a possible romantic interest. He hoped so. There were a few signs pointing him towards Butters and he didn't want it to be unrequited.
Now he had sorted out how he felt, he had to figure out what to do. Should he try and ignore it? Wait for Wendy to come back again and keep trying to make what they had work? Or does he go for Butters?
Butters probably didn't think of him that way so if he did go for Butters he would have to impress him then sweep him off his feet! He would have to do something to win Butters over. Maybe they could go on a date… BEFORE he had his date with Stephen.. Or he could spend all day Friday with him and keep him from going on his date with Stephen.
That could work. Then he would be sure Stephen couldn't steal him away or get in his pants! Stan sighed in content. Okay, so he had an idea… what could he do until then? He could work on the whole impress Butters idea. Stan sat in his bed for hours thinking up scheme after scheme of how he could impress, flatter, or otherwise woo Butters.
He figured the best way to do it would be to be ultra nice to him all week and on Friday ride home with him and then monopolize his time. Find something for them do so Butters does not notice the time and he either misses his date or Stan could send him away. Then again Stan wondered if he could just talk Stephen out of the whole idea at school… probably not, he’s always been a belligerent boy since they were in elementary school.
Stan finally noticed it was dark outside and looked at his clock. “Shit.” He whispered to himself. It was 9:30 p.m. and he had homework to do. He looked for his backpack and realized he had left it behind his seat in his jeep and swore again. He walked downstairs to retrieve it.
When he got to the jeep he stopped. His jaw flapped open for a second before he groaned. His driver’s side tires were both completely deflated and the jeep was resting on the rims. “DAD! SOMEONE SLASHED MY TIRES!” Stan yelled. He grabbed his backpack from his jeep and stomped back into the house. “DAD!!!” He yelled.
“WHat?!” Randy yelled back.
“Someone slashed my tires.” Stan pressed. “Both of them on my driver’s side.”
“Sounds like your problem!” Randy said childishly.
“RANDY!” Sharon yelled from the kitchen. “Call around and see if you find Stan some tires.” She grit her teeth when he rolled his eyes. “Unless you want to drive Stan to and from school daily, find some tires.”
“Why should I? It’s fault I can't even have a single beer.” Randy stuck his nose up and stomped his foot like a ten year old throwing a tantrum.
“Randy, you don't need a beer. It’s your drinking problem that made him want to drink anyway!” She yelled. Stan sighed and walked upstairs. They’d work it out. Either his dad would get his tires and they’d apologize in bed to each other tomorrow, or his mom would spend the night in a hotel and when she came back his dad would get him tires and apologize with flowers. He threw his bag on his bed and sat down to do homework.
Stan awoke with his books scattered around him and his alarm screaming at him from across the room. It was literally Kyle and Kenny screaming at him. The two had recorded their voices long ago when they found that they motivated him best.
He sat up and got ready for school. Brushed his teeth, hair, and then got dressed in blue jeans and a white t-shirt with his usual jacket. He put his books back in his bag and walked downstairs. “Hey, Stan.” His dad greeted at the bottom of the steps. “I got you some tires, I’m gonna go pick them up. You’ll just have to take the bus today.”
“The bus is lame! Why can’t you drive me?” Stan asked. He went to the kitchen to grab some toast.
“Because I have to go get the tires, Stan!” Randy responded. “Now, mom says have a good day at school. She won't be home til later tonight and neither will I.”
“What are you guys doing?” Stan asked as his dad tried to get to the door quickly.
“We’re just going out! It’s no big deal!” Randy stomped his foot. Stan pinched the bridge if his nose.
“Dad, don't do anything stupid. Mom is getting sick of bailing you out of jail.” Stan said in his most monotone and exhausted voice ever.
“Tch. I bet Jaden Smith doesn’t lecture his parents like this.”
Stan sighed and made himself some toast. He took it with him so he could eat on the go. The walk was unexciting and the bus stop had its usual suspects. Cartman and Kyle were arguing about their failed project, Kenny was standing quietly, Butters was there with dark circles under his eyes, and Clyde was playing on his phone.
“Sup?” Clyde asked as Stan as he got closer. He didn't look up from his phone.
“Hey, guys.” Stan greeted.
“Dude, I thought you could drive?” Kenny asked.
“Yeah. Someone slashed my tires sometime around 9 last night. My dad is going to get me new ones, but I still have to take the bus until it’s fixed.” Stan said. Kyle turned away from Cartman and faced Stan.
“Dude, who the fuck would slash your tires?! Did you see anything or piss anyone off?” Kyle asked.
“Who hasn't Stan pissed off? I bet it was his she-hippie ex. She seeks revenge ‘cuz you drive a gas guzzler.” Cartman sneered.
“I doubt it was Wendy.” Kyle retorted. “She doesn’t usually go for the illegal shit and if she does she shouts it from the rooftops.”
“It doesn’t really matter, guys,” Stan said. “I doubt it was more than a random crime.” Butters side eyed the others and kept his smile on his face.
Butters felt a little better after the previous night. He had successfully made several “hits” and pranked a few of the people who had made fun of him. He had gotten into a few houses of the “popular” seniors and left mice in their underwear drawers, placed animal poop on the floor by the beds, and even, in one girl's case, added a special little ingredient to her makeup to make her face itch.
It wasn't a lot. Just some minor pranks not meant to hurt anyone. “Hey, Butters,” Dougie called to him. Butters waved and approached.
“Well, hey, Dougie! How are ya today?” He asked cheerfully.
“Better. Last night really helped. Thanks for hanging out.” He said with a pink face. Just then Stan walked by on his way to class and Butters turned his head to watch.
“Well, you’re welcome Dougie….” Butters trailed off. Once Stan was gone he turned to Dougie. He was met with an annoyed expression. “What?”
“You were totally just making goo-goo eyes at Stan Marsh,” Dougie grumbled. He slammed his locker shut and began walking with Butters.
“Well…. So what if I was? Stan’s a good looking guy, and I ain’t in the closet anymore.” Butters stopped outside his homeroom.
“Thought you had a date with Stephen Tamil? Are you telling me you agreed to that and still have a crush on Marsh?” Dougie deadpanned.
“Stephen didn't really gimme a chance to say no. He just kinda told me he would pick up and left.” Butters said. “I mean, I don't really want to go on a date with him, but I’m hoping it’ll be fun.” Dougie rolled his eyes and huffed.
“Whatever. I’ll see ya later.” Dougie stormed off down the hall and Butters was left scratching his head. I wonder what’s got him all upset. Butters sat at his desk and did homework until his first period started. Being evil left little time for academics, which was one reason he had given it up. His second reason was age, and the last was that he lost too many hamsters.
It wasn't until his third period when he had Stan in his class that he realized Dougie might be completely right. After the night he spent with Stan it was hard not imagine the feel of Stan’s shirtless body beside him. And now that he wasn't focused on a cheer meeting he had time to let his mind wander to Stan.
Butters parents were 50/50 on whether they were okay with him being gay. His mom was super happy and encouraged him to find a boyfriend, but his dad was super mad. Probably because his mom won their bet.
Still, he figured it would be impolite to think about that when Stephen Tamil was ready to take him on a date. If the date went poorly then he would consider his options. Butters was no two-timing whore and would devote himself to one man at a time. He figured he might even gussy himself up for the date just for luck. His mom always told him that when you look good, you feel good and it’ll rub off on people around you.
Fourth period rolled around and he had math with Tweek. Tweek normally sat on the other side of the room but today they had a substitute and they sat next to each other. “You ready for practice tonight?” Butters asked.
“Yeah man. At least we are allowed to wear our sweats now that we know our uniforms fit.” Tweek said. “Although, Can I ask a question?”
“Well, Sure!” Butters nodded. They weren't getting a single thing done but that was okay.
“Okay, so we both saw the football players staring at us yesterday. And I get why Craig, Kenny, and some other guys were staring. My question is why was Stan staring?” Tweek whispered.
“Well, I figure it was either Wendy. Or maybe it was just jarring to see guys in a skirt for him. Stan has always had a weak stomach.” Butters looked to the ceiling in thought.
“I don't think so. I mean, he’s seen Wendy in her uniform for years, he would have no reason to stare at her. Craig even said there wasn't any heartbroken longing in his eyes!” Tweek twitched and sighed to calm down. “And I doubt men in skirts freaks him out. Remember the metrosexual fad? Then there was Princess Kenny, the day Kyle lost that bet to Cartman, and that time his dad, Randy, marched on city hall with all the men in town wearing dresses!” Tweek shook his head.
“Well, then what could it have been?” Butters asked. The two puzzled over it for some time before the bell rang.
“Whatever it was he was staring at, Craig said that after Stephen Tamil asked you out, Stan was real touchy and moody. Maybe that has something to do with it.” Tweek stood to gather his things and Butters followed suit. It was lunch time now. He sat at his usual table with the boys. Butters did seem to recall that Stan was pretty touched after Tamil told him about Friday.
Tweek and Craig sat side by side at the far end with Clyde and Jimmy across from them. Cartman and Kenny were at the other end across from each other. Kenny waved Butters over and offered him a seat beside him. Butters sat down and began eating when Stan approached. Next to him, Kenny scooted closer. Butters noticed the close proximity but paid it no mind. Kenny was always the touchy-feely one, and Butters appreciated that.
Stan sat down across from Butters but next to Cartman and everyone began talking as normal. Until Kenny caught Stan’s eye. Butters noticed the two looking at one another and was caught off guard when Kenny slipped an arm around his waist. Cartman got up to go to the bathroom and Ken pulled Butters close and whispered. “Go with it. Watch Stan’s face.”
Butters turned his head to look at Stan as Kenny nuzzled his hair. “Ken, I’m not sure-” Kenny placed a hand on his mouth. He was slightly uncomfortable but also his curiosity was piqued. He didn't play along, but he let Kenny continue and watched Stan eye them. He was glaring at Kenny and squeezing his juice like he wanted to kill it.
Butters felt really uncomfortable. He began trying to squirm away but Kenny had a decent hold on him. He got tired and eventually gave puppy eyes to Stan for help. “Stop it, Kenny!” Stan yelled. His juice bottle was slammed onto the table for emphasis.
“Why Stan?” Kenny asked innocently. He reached a hand down and pinched Butters lower back. Butters yelped and turned red, as his squirming resumed.
“Kenny,” Stan said lowly. “Let him go. You know why.” Stan stood up and now everyone at the table was silent and watching them.
Butters eventually got Kenny’s hand off his face. “Stop it, Ken. Let go. Everyone is staring.” He wiggled around until Kenny released him.
“What’s wrong Stan? You still look mad.” Kenny asked.
They were all startled when Stephen Tamil showed up behind Kenny. “So, the poor kid is getting handsy with what’s mine huh?” He grit. “Perhaps I should show you just how much I hate sharing my toys.”
He grabbed Kenny’s shoulder and pulled him back away from the table and let him fall to the floor. “Stephen, no! He was just messing around!” Butters yelled. He scooted away from the table and dropped to Kenny’s side.
“Yeah man calm down!” Stan said. He walked to Kenny’s side.
“You shut up, Babe!” Stephen spat. “And you Marsh, if you got a problem you and I can settle this on the field! Butters is my date and I won't stand for McWhore-mick here touching him like that!”
“Well, hey now, I ain’t a thing Stephen! Ya can't just-” Butters was cut off.
“You. Shhh.” Stephen shushed loudly. “I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the men here.” He turned to Stan. “Now then, is there an issue wi-”
“Now hold on Mister!” Butter yelled. “I am a man! I got the parts and everything! I don't like the way you’re talking about me! You better take it back or you can consider our date off!” Butters twirled around so his back was to Stephen and raised his nose in the air.
“Bitch, try and call off the date I dare you!” Stephen said. His voice was low and had a hint of danger to it. It was more than a threat, it was a promise of bad things to come.
“If you try and fuck with Butters I’ll have you taken off the team Stephen. PC Principal has a zero-tolerance policy for disrespecting someone’s gender.” Stan clenched his fists. “Not to mention if you fuck with Butters, you fuck with me!”
“And me,” Kenny added. He had stood up and was now flanking Butters other side.
“I’m pretty sure you would be fucking with this whole table.” Tweek stood. Craig sighed and stood too.
“I don't much like ya Butters, but~” Craig tilted his head down. “Tweek likes you, and if Tweek is gonna fight so am I.” The others stood as well. They all glared.
“Fine.” Stephen backed off. “This ain’t over assholes. You aren't the only one with friends.”
“The date is off Stephen. Goodbye.” Butters sat down at the table. Stan and Kenny joined him. Craig and the others sat as well. Stephen growled like a literal animal before he walked away with clenched fists. Once he was gone Butters turned back to his friends. “Thanks, guys. That was real swell of ya!” Butters said.
“Don't mention it.” Craig waved him off. “Seriously don't. I was only in it for Tweek.”
“And we were only in it for Craig,” Clyde added. Butters internally sighed. of course they were. He turned back to Stan and Kenny.
Stan was ripping apart his styrofoam tray and grumbling angrily. Kenny had gone back to eating. Butters went back to eating too when Stan jerked his head up with a smile. “So does that mean you're free Friday?” He asked.
“Well, I suppose it does Stan.” Butters tilted his head. He remembered how Stan was with Wendy and all the romantic books his mother made him read so she would have someone to talk to about them. There were a few similarities between those things and now. “Did ya wanna hang out?”
“Yeah, actually,” Stan said. “Since we both have practice and will probably walk home, maybe we could hang out tonight to talk about putting together a movie night Friday or something?”
Butters smiled… so that’s how it was. Maybe he could get his hopes up a little bit. “Well, sure Stan. I’ll be home alone anyway.” Butters told him. He watched Stan smile and nod excitedly.
“Then we can hang out for a while.”
“Can I come over?” Kenny asked.
“Kenny,” Stan said in a warning tone.
“Alright, alright.” Kenny surrendered. “Have fun boys.” The bell rang right as he said that. They all stood and began leaving. The day went by normally. Well, except that Stan seemed to be avoiding Kyle in favor of Butters. He was walking Butters to all his classes, keeping Stephen Tamil at bay, and even helping carry his books.
It was slightly odd but appreciated. Still, Butters didn't really like Stan ignoring Kyle for him but he wasn't going to argue over it. Kyle ignored Stan for being depressed when Stan couldn’t help it. Perhaps Stan was giving him a taste of his own medicine?
Still, it was nice to have his attention. Stan was a good guy when he wasn't giving someone the cold shoulder. Butters wondered why he really wanted to come over that night but there was little reason to ask. He decided to just wait it out.
It was the end of the school day, and Stan and Butters went to the locker room to change. Stan stood next to Butters as he changed. Tweek was across from them, with Craig at his side. Clyde was on Tweek’s left and Kenny took the position at Stan’s left. It was as if they were huddled together for protection when Stephen Tamil walked in. He took the first locker next to the door and two more seniors joined him. They didn't change though. They were eyeing Stan’s group. “Ngh- guys, maybe we should wait until Tamil is finished changing to leave…” Tweek whispered.
“Maybe that’s what he wants,” Kenny whispered. “Think about it, it’ll be easier for him to corner us if we wait for them to finish. All he has to do is take long enough for most people to leave.”
“Kenny’s right. We just all have to leave in a group.” Stan turned to Butters. “Butters, you get in the middle of the group Craig, Clyde, Kenny and me will flank.” The others nodded and Butters found himself blushing. Leave it to Stan to create an impromptu protection brigade He thought to himself. So everyone took their place, Craig and Clyde took the side closest to Tamil, beside them inside the group was Tweek. On Tweek’s right was Butters and on the other side of Butters was Stan and Kenny. :..:
As they walked closer to Tamil, Butters felt a bit apprehensive. They made it to the door before Tamil called out to them. “See you on the field guys.” He told them. Butters visible bristled at the words. He was thanking his lucky stars he was in sweatpants today.
Out on the field, it was business as usual for most of the game. Butters noticed Dougie in the stands watching them and he waved. Dougie waved back. Butters and the girls were completely absorbed in what they were doing until the football coach started yelling. “WHAT THE HELL TAMIL!?”
“IT’S NOT MY FAULT THESE ASSHOLES CAN'T TAKE A HIT! Maybe they should just join cheer with the other twinks!” Tamil smirked. The coach helped Kenny to his feet.
“Tamil, you hit three of our team’s best players. Another stunt like that and I’ll bench you for the rest of the season. It’s your senior year, don't ruin it for yourself.” The coach told him. Stan and Craig were beside Kenny. Stan was holding the upper part of his arm and Craig was bent down, hands on his knees to steady himself. Kenny was in the middle, he had taken his helmet off and was swaying unsteadily on his feet.
“You can't bench me! I'm a senior! These juniors ain’t got shit on me! They just have to man up! Maybe if they’d stop buttfucking each other and play some-”
“STEPHEN TAMIL THAT IS ENOUGH!” the coach roared. “I was right there! I saw you purposefully bowl these three over and trample them! Now I don't know what you four are upset about but the field is no place for petty squabbles! Tamil, go home! I refuse to have unstable brats on my turf.” He turned to Stan, Craig, and Kenny. “You three take a lap. If you feel injured afterward you can rest and watch from the sidelines.”
“But-” Tamil was about to argue but the coach turned away to ignore him. Practice didn't last much longer after Tamil left. Butters had gone back to cheering when the guys finished their lap. Craig sat on the side of the field and took his football pads off. Stan seemed to be thinking about joining the other players but decided to stay with Craig. Of course Kenny joined both of them.
“Alright, now then, we are gonna work on a special cheer just for the senior girls. The rest of you can take a break or go home.” Wendy said cheerily. Tweek pointed to the bench with the resting players on it.
“Hey, Butters I’m gonna sit with Craig.” He said.
“Well, I’ll come too. I can hang out with Stan and Kenny.” He said. Once they were close enough Craig pulled Tweek down so they were sitting side by side and wrapped an arm around him.
“What happened out there?” Tweek asked. Craig shrugged.
“Tamil bowled us over like we were nothing. His cleet even got my arm!” Stan said. He was stiff as he sat and his hands clenched the bench below him as if he could leave grip dents in it.
“I have a first aid kit in my backpack if ya want me to take a look at it back in the locker room.” Butters offered. Kenny winked at him as he guided Stan back to the locker room.
After Butters had taken a look at Stan’s arm and bandaged him up they left. There was no point in hanging around when it was obvious Stan was in no mood and Butters was so cool with them leaving. They walked down the street to Butters house making idle chat.
Once they were inside Stan took his shoes off and sat on the couch. He motioned for Butters to join him. “Hey, Butters, can we watch another scary movie?” Stan asked.
“Well, sure, Stan!” Butters responded happily. “Which one do you want to see?” He asked.
“I actually brought one. I was gonna loan it to Davíd but he wasn't there.” Stan replied. He pulled out ‘The Grudge’ and handed it to Butters. Butters set up the movie and handed the remote to Stan. They sat on the couch and Butters grabbed his pillow. He just figured Stan and he would plan their Friday movie night later. Butters wasn't focused on the movie at all.
He could tell Stan was inching closer to him. They had started on different sides of the couch and now Stan was sitting on both the far cushion and the middle cushion at the same time, a butt cheek on each. Butters took a glance at Stan’s face and decided to go for it. Stan was obviously trying to make a move. He looked a little green in the face. Butters moved so that he was laying on his side with his head in Stan’s lap. He was still holding his pillow to his chest and pretending to be afraid of a movie he wasn't watching.
Stan seemed to tense for a second. Butters knew he had relaxed when he felt Stan petting his hair. He sighed in content and waited for the movie to finish. Maybe Stan will spend the night again. That might be nice. Butters closed his eyes and relaxed fully as Stan continued to pet his hair. Stan shifted slightly on the couch and when Butters looked up he was holding his phone. The movie was ending now and Stan noticed Butters looking at him.
“What ya doing up there?” Butters asked. His voice was just barely louder than the end credits of the movie they had on.
“Mom texted me. Dad’s drunk and she says it would be best for me to stay with a friend. Shelley is at a friend’s house so that means they probably want to be alone tonight.” Stan replied.
“Well, you could stay here again if you want!” Butters told him.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Stan said. “So… uh… Butters…” Stan looked away and to the left. “This Friday, did you want to go to the Park County Fair? They just announced the dates and it will be here all weekend…”
Chapter 5: Taking Care of Tweek
This one is shorter than the others because I wanted to develop more characters than just Stan and Butters. This one deals mostly with Tweek and Craig and we may see more of this come into play later. Please enjoy.
It was Thursday night after school and Stan and Butters were on the couch at the Stotch residence discussing another movie Stan had brought over. “No listen, her mom told her to keep her eyes closed for a reason! So like, the fact she opened them means that the demon could totally have possessed her and the audience is supposed to infer that from the look she gives the camera at the end and the fact the fog hasn't lifted at all. They are still in the other dimension even if they have left Silent Hill.” Stan explained.
“But in the next movie, the girl is with her dad in this dimension right? So how did she get here?” Butters asked. His eyes were squinted slightly and his mouth was open. It was his confused look and Stan found it adorable.
“Her mom used some talisman to send her here. They didn't put the whole ceremony into a movie but it's inferred.” Stan responded.
“Well, I just don't understand why they gotta make the whole franchise so confusing! Even the games don't make sense!” Butters retorted. He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.
Stan admittedly found it kind of cute. “Wait. Your parents let you play the games?” Stan teased. He knew Butters would never be allowed to touch the games so he had to have watched someone else play them.
“No, I watched some pair of YouTubers play them,” Butters confirmed Stan’s theory. “But still. Why make them so confusing? I can get wanting to make things a mystery but they leave so much open to “audience interpretation” that nobody can make ANY sense of ANYTHING!” Stan chuckled as Butters flopped back on the couch in exasperation. Stan wanted to hug Butters but he also wanted to watch his reaction. It was a second before Stan realized Butters was waiting for his response.
“I'm not sure, maybe they just don't know what they're doing? I think it's all someway to milk a bad idea for as much money as possible before the public decides the games aren't worth it.” Stan voiced. “It's like, they make more games but they keep a few movies floating around so when the audience gets tired of one they have the other.”
Butters was about to respond when his phone blipped. Stan watched with curious eyes as Butters looked at the message and then stood. Stan was confused but let Butters speak. “That was Craig; he needs me to go over and check on Tweek. He isn't responding to Craig's texts anymore. Want to come?”
“What does Tweek need?” Stan asked. He was more curious than annoyed. Sure he was having a nice time with Butters but he wasn't quite ready for bed yet so a visit to Tweek wasn't a big deal. He stood and followed Butters to the door to put his shoes and coat on.
“He's most likely having another meltdown and Craig is at the hospital with his grandma so he can't be there.” Butters answered.
“Wait. Tweek still has meltdowns?? I honestly thought his anxiety and paranoia went away back in fourth when he and Craig started dating. I mean I know he had a few bumps but he never starts screaming in public anymore.” Stan said absently.
“Well he's a helluva lot better but mental illness doesn't just “go away” and he still has episodes.” Butters stepped out and Stan followed. Butters continued talking while they walked. “Just ‘cuz you have a good day doesn't mean you aren't still depressed, well the same applies to Tweek. Just ‘cuz he isn't ranting about wiretaps or ripping his hair out over having to talk to a teacher doesn't mean he isn't still anxious and bothered by things. Craig usually can tell when Tweek is breaking down and he sends me to check.”
Stan nodded. That made sense. “Okay, so he's a bit of a mess right now. Why do you have to go?” Stan asked again being curious.
“Well ‘cuz Tweek trusts me. It would be ideal if he had Craig but life ain't always ideal.” Butters smiled. “Having a team of people who support you when you have an episode is much better.”
“Wish I had a team to make me normal again…” Stan mumbled. Butters didn't seem to hear him. They reached the Tweak house and Butters let them both in.
“He's probably in his room… let's go up and see.” Butters walked up the stairs case and called out. “Tweek, it's Butters. I brought Stan since he was at my house! I'm gonna open your bedroom door now!”
Stan watched in silence as Butters led the way up to the bedroom and over to the closet. He could hear Tweek as soon as the door was opened and he stepped into Tweek’s room. The whole room was trashed, legos, coffee cups, and unfinished models littered the floor, the desk, and the bed. “They're gonna get me. I hope they can't hear me. Gonna get me. Gonna get-”
“Tweek. It's Butters. I'm gonna open the closet now.” Butters called through the wooden closet door. He turned the knob and slowly opened the door. Tweek was curled up on the floor, in the fetal position with small chunks of hair on the floor around him. His eyes were wide and bloodshot. There were small blood tracks down his arms where he had obviously been clawing at his upper arms. Stan gulped. He had never seen one of Tweek’s episodes.
“Butters! Close the door! They're gonna see me then they're gonna get me!” Tweek yelled. He began rocking and buried his face in his knees.
“Well, who are ya talking about Tweek?” Butters asked. Stan felt himself sweat as Tweek and Butters began talking about some all-powerful government or imaginary figure. It was hard to tell which with the way they spoke. He slipped his hat off and rubbed his scalp.
“Stan, come here real quick.” Butters called. So Stan stepped over. “I’ll grab the bandages. Besides someone has ta call Craig, his voice is usually better for this calming thing. Just stay here with Tweek and let him talk. Talking helps.” Stan raised an eyebrow and shrugged.
“The government can hear us now and they probably know my family -” Tweek began rambling again and Stan took Butter's place to set his hand on Tweek’s shoulder. “Y-you kinda look like Craig….” Tweek whispered.
“Uh yeah… I get that a lot…. Does that help…?” Stan replied slowly and confused. He watched Tweek for any reply or hint to his emotions.
“A-ack! Y-yeah. A little. Nnngghh… can I-I hug you while I-NNGGGHH- Talk?” Tweek twitched and his hand went to his hair. Stan nodded and opened his arms. Whatever helps right now. Maybe soothing Tweek would impress Butters? And Stan didn't really like the idea of someone hurting themselves or anything like that.
Tweek wrapped his arms around Stan and buried his face in his chest. Stan ignored the blood getting on his clothes. “Better?” He asked softly as he held Tweek.
Tweek began sobbing into him and Stan was thrown. His eyes widened and he squeezed Tweek. Tweek himself had slowed the frequency of his tremors and was still rambling into his chest but he seemed to be calming down.
“Deep breaths, Tweek. Butters is gonna get a hold of Craig and it'll all be okay. Craig would never let anyone get you, you know that. Do it with me, inhale.” Stan took a deep breath and he was relieved when Tweek did too. He let his breath out as he spoke “Exhale. Now again. Inhale” He took a deep breath and Tweek repeated his steps until Butters returned with an old army style phone.
“Craig!” Tweek yelled and made a grab for the phone. “Craig, did you see what the Secretary of Defence said?!” He yelled. The phone pressed to his ear. Stan moved to let go but Tweek held on with one hand. Butters began cleaning his arms as best he could and placed large bandages around them. Stan looked at Butters with his teeth clenched and eyes worried when Tweek wouldn't let him go to get bandaged.
Butters mouthed his answer to Stan’s confusion. “Touch comforts him.”
“It's terrifying! Agh! I can't believe he got another term! AND HE'S STILL ON ABOUT CUPCAKES!!!” Tweek yelled so loud Stan flinched. Tweek was a mess with hair wild, tear-stained cheeks, and full body tremors. When Tweek buried his face again Butters made squeezing motions to Stan and he got the hint.
He wrapped his arms around Tweek again and squeezed as he stroked Tweek’s back. Tweek was relaxing under his hugs and Craig's voice to the point he seemed sleepy. After a yawn escaped Stan it was Tweek’s turn to yawn too. He looked over at Butters.
Butters rubbed Tweek’s back from his place next to him. “Thanks, Craig. Huh? Oh no Butters didn't leave me alone. Yeah, he was in the hallway but Stan is here too. I know but he's been quiet mostly.” Tweek spoke into the phone.
Stan looked down to Tweek and back to Butters. Once again Butters mouthed his reply. “Later.”
“I'll see you tomorrow hun. Thanks. Love you too.” Tweek hung up and passed the phone back to Butters. “Thanks, Butters I think I'll be okay now.” Tweek whispered. He slowly detached from Stan and stood up. “I'm gonna go to bed now, could you lock up for me???”
“Well sure Tweek. You need me and Stan to stay with ya or anything?” Butters asked. Stan felt a little relieved that they would be leaving now. He was tired and ready for bed now. Maybe Butters and he could share a bed again.
They left shortly after Tweek fell asleep. Butters made sure to lock the front door and sent a picture of the lock to Craig. “So Butters can I ask you something?” Stan was waiting for him at the end of the walkway.
“Sure Stan what's on your mind?” Butters responded as he approached.
“Well, what was all of that? Like, how long have you been taking care of Tweek?” Stan put his hands in his pockets. He hoped Butters didn't think he was being rude. He didn't have an issue with Butters helping Tweek but he hoped this wasn't an often thing.
“Oh well I don't take care of him, I just help. It started around sixth grade. Tweek had a meltdown at a party my dad took me to and Craig was stuck at the dentist office with his sister. I had to call him and get directions but it was okay. Back then Tweek didn't like to be touched by anyone except Craig so it was harder to calm him down.” Butters slowed down to walk beside Stan and he felt his heart do a flip-flop. “What about you? You did pretty well in there what with the hugs and stuff. Do you have someone you take care of?”
Stan noticed Butters rubbing his knuckles together and had to fight down his urge to stop him by holding his hand. “Not very often. Occasionally Shelley comes home from school and she has to let the stress out. We used to fight a lot growing up but now she's mellowed out.” Stan responded. “Can I ask about the phone?”
“Well, Craig bought Tweek that old army phone off your uncle Jimbo. He even disassembled it and fixed it up to show Tweek the government can't track it. Now it's the preferred phone for when he has these episodes.” Butters told him.
“So wait, Craig does all this shit to take care of Tweek? I thought he was a “stone cold badass” and now I see he's a big baby? What's up with that crap?” Stan joked.
“Well, he's not a baby Stan! He loves Tweek. I asked him once, about well why he does all this, and he told me. It's kind of cute.” Butter smiled softly and Stan felt the butterflies in his stomach go crazy.
“Are you gonna tell me why he does it all?” Stan asked. He watched Butters as they walked back to Butters place.
“I would but I'm sworn to secrecy on pain of death. And I'd hate to have Craig kill me, he'd probably go all slow and make it painful.” Butters looked at Stan in the eye now. “But I can say between the two, Craig is clingier. His dad says when he and Tweek fight all Craig does is mope. But when they fight Tweek does a bunch of activities and makes a bunch of stuff.”
“So what you're saying is that Craig is whipped?” Stan tries to joke again.
“Well, I guess you could say it like that. I just think he loves Tweek so when they can't spend time together he gets sad.” Butters and Stan have now arrived back at the Stotch residence and go inside. “Well if you loved someone wouldn't you want them to be happy too?”
Stan was silent at the question. Of course, he would want his love to be happy but going to ALL those extremes? Wow. “I guess I would. I don't know, it just seems like Craig jumps when Tweek tells him to-”
“Tweek has never asked Craig to do any of that, Stan. Craig does those things because he thinks that they help and that's what he does. Tweek keeps Craig happy by being there and spending time doing as much together as they can. Craig keeps Tweek happy by supporting him as much as he can.” Butters informed him.
Stan stopped arguing and decided to ask what else was on his mind. “Butters, how do you know all this? You sound like a therapist!”
“Well, I talk to people and understand them as best I can. The only person I don't get is Eric but nobody gets him!” Butters joked. “So are you spending another night?”
“Yeah. I told my parents already. We can share your bed again right?” Stan asked. He crossed fingers in his mittens and was relieved when Butters nodded. This time Stan led the way to the bedroom and they curled up shirtless again
Muddy. It was grossly muddy and Stan was almost regretting making their first “date” the fair. He was letting Butters choose most of what they did, saying he wasn't picky about activities. Mostly Butters wanted to ride things. They had been on The Whip, The Scrambler, The Tilt-A-whirl, and even an octopus looking thing which wasn't named octopus. Stan was grateful for Butters preference, considering the last time he and Wendy went on a date here all she wanted to do was run around with her friends and have him hold their prizes. Then at the end of their “date”, the girls forgot who had won what and Stan had to try and sort the prizes for them. It ended in a small catfight between Annie and Red.
“Hey, Butters I'm getting kinda hungry how about you?” Stan asked.
“Well, gee Stan! Let's go and get some food! You pick this since I've been picking rides all day.” Butters said. He had a pretty big grin on his face and Stan found himself giving a small smile back. He stepped up to Butters and walked by his side into the small food stand area. His jaw dropped and he came to a stop when he noticed the lines.
“Dude. Why are there so many people?” He asked.
“Well there are only four food stands Stan. It’ll go faster if we just talk or something.” Butters stopped and turned around to face him. “So whatcha wanta eat Stan? There's pizza, funnel cake, deep fried Oreos, and even nachos or fries smothered in cheese!”
Stan sighed. “Pizza sounds good. Let's go wait in line. I hope this doesn't take all night.” He was slightly disappointed he hadn't gotten food sooner now.
He and Butters stood side by side not looking at each other but Still making small talk when Stan felt a small wiggling or tingling sensation on his hand. He glanced from the edge of his hand and noticed Butters trying to hold his hand. He was a little relieved. He thought he was the only nervous one! He figured he had made Butters wait long enough for this and took his hand. Stan fought the urge to pull Butters into a hug. That was a little too much for a first date.
Butters seemed to relax and Stan smiled to himself. Making his date happy made him feel accomplished as a romantic interest. Then he noticed his hand holding had made Butters stop talking and they were both blushing. “So Butters, weren’t you just telling me about what you and Tweek are in charge of for homecoming?”
“Oh! Right!” Butters blushed and Stan looked at him as Butters focused on something ahead of them as he spoke. “Tweek is in charge of banners and streamers. Wendy figures since he's dating Craig that he’d be able to rope him into helping hang the high stuff. Since ya know he's like a giant. Isn't he like six foot?” Butters stepped forward as they got closer to the front of the line.
“Yeah he is,” Stan replied then added under his breath. “and he never shuts up about it.” if Butters heard that part he didn't say anything.
“And I already finished my assignment. I did all the painting! That's why I've been covered in paint all week!” He gave their joined hands a small swing. Stan hummed and Butters continued on. He was slightly happy that Butters did all the talking and he could just hang.
He was zoning out a little when he saw something that made his jaw drop. He poked Butters arm, interrupting him mid-sentence and pointed. “Dude, are you seeing what I’m seeing?!” He whispered harshly. “That's Kyle!”
“It kinda looks like he's on a double date with Tweek and Craig… I'm surprised Craig hasn't punched Eric yet. Don't they hate each other?” Butters remarked.
“I thought he did.” Stan struggled to pull his eyes away but decided to not obsess over it. There was a reason he spent all week with Butters. “Hey Butters, on an entirely different note, I was wondering what did you want for your birthday? It's like, a few days away right? Like two weeks before homecoming?”
“Ya don't gotta get me nothin', Stan.” Butters giggled. “But maybe if you want, we could go to Bennigan's. I love that place but my parents don't usually take me with them…”
“So… does that mean you want a second date?” Stan asked. Butters face turned bright red. Stan felt his confidence rise slightly, which was silly he knew, but somehow seeing Butters being slightly uncomfortable and almost timid about his answer made Stan feel a little better. He was nervous about messing things up, and Butters was too.
“I-well, Yes. I suppose I do.” Butters said quietly.
Stan swung their hands as they stepped closer. It was almost their turn. “Cool. Me too.” He replied. That seemed to relax Butters again and they smiled at each other. “So what do ya want?”
“I think I want a slice of pepperoni and a root beer.” Butters replies.
“Sounds good. You mind if we get a large root beer and just share?” Stan asks. He had asked Wendy to share drinks and snacks often but she rarely accepted.
“Well, gee Stan that sounds nice.” Butters swung their hands again and continued to smile. Stan inwardly cheered. This date was going wonderfully, it was already more romantic than most dates he had with Wendy towards the end of their relationship.
“And maybe when we are done we can go win some prizes.” Stan offered happily. His parents had given him money for the date, then his mom even gave him an extra hundred when she found out it was with a boy.
“It wouldn't be a date if we didn't win each other something.” Butters responded. Again Stan silently cheered, he was super grateful Butters seemed to be as into clichés as he was.
“Does this mean you're ah… my… ya, know.. are we like..” Stan cursed himself for his inability to speak. His nerves were suddenly getting the better of him and he felt queasy.
He stopped trying when Butters stepped forward and ordered for them. He blushed and handed over the money. “Hey Stan, can I call you my boyfriend?” Butters asked. Stan nodded. Since when was Butters a mind reader?
“You took the words out of my mouth.” Stan responded. They moved to a table and sat across from each other. Butters seemed focused on his pizza and Stan was content to let him think. He observed the people around them noticing again that Cartman had his arm wrapped around Kyle's shoulders.
Stan wasn't sure what he was saying but Craig looked murderous. His eyes made Stan question why either couple would agree to the double date. Maybe Kyle and Tweek had begged or something, they seemed like the type to get along. Token and Nichole were also on a date but poor Token seemed to be holding at least six stuffed animals and Nichole was talking to Wendy and Bebe.
“Hey Stan, why are those men wearing suits?” Butters asked as he directed Stan’s attention towards two men in black suits, wearing sunglasses, and an obvious earpiece. Stan puzzled over this for a second when he saw them.
“I don't know maybe President Garrison missed the fair and is here somewhere?” Stan offered. He grew nervous when he noticed the one look at him. They were impossible to tell apart, exactly the same to even the haircut and color. It made him uneasy. “Let's just, finish eating and go play some games.” Stan said slowly.
“Yeah. Those government guys give me the willies!” Butters exclaimed.
“I hope Tweek doesn't notice them. He looks like he's a good time despite Craig's attitude.” Stan ate the last bite of pizza from his plate, leaving the crust.
“That's true. Maybe we should text Craig or warn him somehow…” Butters fretted and reached for his phone.
“Excuse me, are you Stan Marsh?” the boys whipped their heads to a man in a tuxedo standing to the left of their table.
“Yes, who are you?” Stan responded dryly. The man was the same as the others with his black hair all pushed back and his earpiece and sunglasses.
“My name is Agent Lynch. I'm going to need you to come with me.” He looked pointedly at Butters. “Alone.”
“Hey dude, we’re on a date so whatever you're planning is just going to have to wait!” Stan tried to inform him.
“Target is resisting.” Lynch said into his earpiece. Suddenly Stan felt something prick his neck and his vision was going black.
When he woke up again he was on a soft hotel bed, in what was obviously the Airport Hilton. He walked around his room, searching for any clue as to why he was here when a commotion in the hall caught his attention.
“Seriously?! What the fuck?! This is why nobody associates with you assholes!” A nasal voice yelled.
“Craig this isn't our fault! How were we supposed to know this was going to happen?!” Cartman. That was obviously Cartman.
“Yeah, we had just as much warning as you! We don't want to be here just as much as you don't want to be here!” Kyle? Yeah, that was Kyle. He sounded annoyed. Better come out now. Stan opened the door to see Craig leaned against a wall and pissed off while Kyle and Cartman stood across from him looked equally upset.
“Hey, guys. What's going on?” Stan asked casually.
“We have no clue.” Kyle responded. “The government guys just dragged us all here and told us to wait in our rooms. Of course Craig is trying to leave and will probably get us all in trouble-”
“I don't want any part of this! I need to get back to Tweek! Imagine how much he's going to freak out knowing I was right next to him when they drugged me and took me! He’s going to go into hysteria!” Craig threw his hands up.
“Dude, you need to stop babying him! Tweek would probably get better if-”
“Broflovski if you finish that sentence I will maim you. Don't you dare pretend to know what's best for MY boyfriend when you spend zero time with him and only go off things you've read online.” Craig stepped away from the wall. His voice held a deep threatening tone.
“Whatever. Has anyone seen Kenny?” Cartman commented.
“Here!” a muffled voice called from behind Stan.
“Okay so- What now?” Kyle asked. The question was soon answered by more men in suits coming to them.
“Ah good to see you boys all awake. Come with us downstairs.” One directed them.
“Excuse me! I have a very jittery boyfriend to get back to! I don't want to be part of whatever is happening!” Craig yelled over them.
“Sorry Tucker, you have to come us. We can always sleep dart you again, but that would hold us up even longer… And probably cost us a lot more money since you take more than one dart.” the same agent spoke again.
Craig ground his teeth in annoyance and shut up. Stan and the others allowed themselves to be led to a conference room filled with government agents. At the head of the table was President Garrison. The president took one look up and pinched his brow.
“Why is always you four? And Craig, I thought you'd know better… oh geez.” He sighed out and then stood. “Alright listen, we got word that more giant guinea pigs are invading the areas surrounding Peru. They can't seem to get them under control and have no flute bands… in fact, ALL flute bands seem to have returned to Peru and we need to know why.”
“Nope!” Craig raised his middle finger and glared. “Not again! I have to get back to Tweek!”
“Craig cooperate or I'll send a sniper team to that little Shit’s house and pin the blame on you!” Garrison yelled. Everyone stopped and stared in disbelief. “This is serious boys, I need you to go to Peru and convince the flute bands to go back to playing in every available place like they did before.”
“Why us?” Kyle asked softly.
“Because you were one of them…” Garrison held up a small plastic cd case with the name “Llama Brothers” and their ten-year-old selves on it. “We have a chopper ready to leave as soon as this thunderstorm stops. I have contacted your parents and taken care of supplies. There will be enough gas for a return trip in the same chopper. Anything else boys?”
The CD was thrown into the table where it's skid to a halt in front of Stan. The boys all looked at each other before shaking their heads. “Good. Get some sleep or snacks. I'll send agent Lynch when we are ready.”
This one is slightly shorter because I'm setting something bigger up.
Chapter 7: Conspiracy
Butters was pissed off. It didn't happen often but when it did, he knew he was a force not to be reckoned with. He couldn't believe the government had just taken Stan and his friends! And the worst part is wondering whether or not Stan deserved it or whether it was Cartman or what the hell was happening! He and Tweek had followed the government agents as far as they could. Eventually, though they lost the car and Tweek’s twitching became too much of an obstacle.
“Butters what are we gonna do?! They got Craig! I don't know if I can handle this!” Tweek began to panic and if Butters had learned anything from Craig it was that if he didn't hear Tweek out and let him come to his own conclusion then Tweek would never be okay with hearing his ideas. He put Stan out of his mind for now.
“Tweek listen, tell me how you feel.” Butters grabbed his hand and began dragging him as they made their way back to Butter’s house.
“I'm scared. I love Craig. What if he gets hurt? What if the government uses him for experiments? Oh god, what are we gonna do??” Tweek panicked more as Butters pulled him through the door.
What am I gonna do? The fellas need me. Stan and Tweek and Craig, all need me! … Kyle would look on the internet… that's a place to start! Butters pulled Tweek upstairs.
“Listen Tweek, we gotta find out what's going on; then we can figure out what to do right?” Butters tried to lead his thinking. “We can still save Craig and the others okay? We just need to be calm. For them okay?”
“Right.” Tweek nodded. He sat on Butters bed and pulled out his cell phone. “Let's see if we can find anything on social media and the internet. I’ll handle Facebook and the President’s website.”
Butters smiled and gave a soft nod of his own. “I’ll see what I can dig up by-” Butters phone rang in his pocket. He looked at the screen to see it was Shelley. Then Tweek’s phone buzzed and the two answered them.
“Hello?” Butters answered.
“Listen up turd! My parents are going to kill me if my Turd Brother doesn’t answer his phone. Where is that steaming turd!?” Shelley yelled into the phone. Butters cringed.
“Stan kinda got taken by the government…” Butters said slowly. “We don't know where or why but-”
“Oh that stupid turd! Listen turd, there are a bunch of those black SUV things over at the Airport Hilton. That’s probably where they are. Bring my Turd Brother back or else I’m gonna pound you into a turd pancake!” And with that Shelley hung up Butters cringed and looked over at Tweek. Tweek was holding the bridge of his nose and sighing.
Then he hung up and looked at Butters. “Okay, we should’ve just called Tricia… I forgot she’s friends with Ike and apparently THEY are already on the trail. Tricia said there’s a helicopter on the roof of the Airport Hilton and it’s been prepped to take off. Ike somehow called in a favor with some scientist he knows how to hold them up.” Tweek stood and grabbed Butters hand. “We have two hours, Tricia is going to meet us there, we will get there and take our friends back.”
“So we have an hour to gather up the things we need and get going.” Butters stood and grabbed his backpack. He dumped his books on his bed and threw into it the first aid kit from under his bed, then he and Tweek began running around to grab other important things they may need to fight the government.
They left Butters house and went to Tweek’s house for his car. “Butters what do we do when we get there?” Tweek asked when they finally climbed into the chevy tracker Tweek’s parents bought him. Butters held the backpack in his lap and slammed his door shut.
“Well, we should probably scope out the situation… Then we should take our friends back however we can. Maybe we can talk to President Garrison and see what he can do.” Butters rubbed his knuckles together. Tweek started his black Acura and they took off.
“Oh dude, this is so much pressure!”Tweek groaned. “I… I gotta do this for Craig though. Craig needs me.” He was pretty much talking to himself at this point and Butters had time to zone out and worry about Stan. He was just hoping he wasn’t getting himself involved in anything his parents would ground him for when they got back. He normally wouldn't do this because his parents would ground him, but they aren't here and Stan needs him.
They pulled up to the Airport Hilton and parked away from the black government SUVs. Tricia was waiting for them at the edge of the lot. They got out of the car and Butters pulled his dad’s nine millimeter handgun out of the backpack. She met them at the car door. “Hey guys. The chopper is on the roof, Craig and those assholes are on the floor right below that in a penthouse suite.” Tricia told them.
“How do you even know that?!” Tweek whispered harshly. Tricia grabbed Tweek’s wrist and began tugging him towards the back door. Butters followed them and crouched beside the door as Tricia pulled out a pure white keycard.
“Ike gave me some cool stuff. Right now I have this earpiece that lets me hear everything they are saying. He apparently hacked into Kyle’s phone and is routing the incoming voices through his computer to my phone.” Tricia said. “But that’s for later! I’ve got the door open!” She shoved the door open and stood.
Tricia shoved Butters in first and he raised his eyebrows. Tweek nodded and followed. Inside there were several groups of men in black suits wearing black sunglasses, with matching haircuts. “There’s too many to shoot or even fight… What do we do???”
“You two stow away in the chopper up top. I’ll message Ike and see if he can distract the guards.” Tricia whispered and dashed past them to the elevator. She pressed the call button and waited. It was like she had done this hundreds of times before. The boys followed her as best they could.
“What the heck, why is she so good at this and how does she know what she’s doing??!” Tweek asked after Tricia shoved them into the elevator. She waited on the bottom floor. The elevator binged as it passed floor after floor on it’s way to the roof. Butters and Tweek were crouched down and tucked into the sides next to the doors.
“Maybe she does this with Ike often.” Butters shrugged. He too was curious as to what Tricia had in mind but tried not to think about it. He had to worry about getting their friends out of there. When the doors opened there was nobody in sight so Tweek dashed off it and behind some plastic crates nearby. Butters followed him with the gun drawn.
“Pst.” They heard. They looked over top of the boxes to see Tricia standing out in the open looking annoyed. She made a motion like “come on” with her arm and they dashed to her.
“How'd you get here before us?!” Butters yelled. He was answered with Tricia placing a finger over her lips and shushing him. “Where is everyone?” Butters asked much quieter. He stuffed the gun in his pocket.
“Yeah. How are you here?!” Tweek whispered harshly.
“I just am! Now set your backpack in this!” Tricia opened a plastic crate and shoved it towards them. Butters set the bag in it and grabbed his cell phone out of it.
“This was almost too easy! I expected.more.” Tweek added. Tricia pushed some black suits and other material into their hands.
“Ike pulled some strings. He can't prevent the chopper from leaving but he can send some protection for his brother and their friends. Now put these on and stand back here on either side of the door to the cockpit.” Tricia climbed into the open crate and crouched. Tricia talked as Butters and Tweek put on their disguises. They were dressed like agent Lynch with fake hair, an earpiece, a real gun for each, and full black suits. They looked at each other through black sunglasses before turning back to Tricia. “Listen the helicopter will load up and take off soon, you're going to see the guys be loaded on but DON'T TALK TO THEM. Wait until we land.” She stressed.
“Why can't we talk to them?” Butters asked.
“Listen, this whole thing is-” She heard a thump and her eyes shot wide. “Nevermind I'll explain later! Just, stay in character! You're disguised as Agents! Just stay quiet and stand there. And those guns are real and loaded so BE. CAREFUL. Now put the lid on this so nobody sees me!” Butters put the lid back on the crate and resumed his position across from Tweek. He felt antsy as he watched the pilot pass them without a word.
Tweek was obviously holding his breath and Butters was tempted to do the same. Then came more crates, and then the co-pilot. Nobody even paid them any mind, they even avoided eye contact. It was going perfectly. Butters actually had a minute to realize he had zero time to think since they pulled into the parking lot.
Then their friends were loaded on, and their presence interrupted his thoughts. Butters barely recognized them. Each one was dressed as some type of… Peruvian. He took a moment to take in Stan. He had a fake moustache on but his face was every bit as handsome as when Butters saw him on their date. He had to fight off his blush to remain in character. The only one who looked remotely the same was Craig. Butters had to admit Craig looked murderous. He looked over to see Tweek twitch. The poor guy was barely holding himself back. He watched as their friends strapped themselves into the seats. Two more agents joined them in, and stood in the back across from Butters and Tweek. It made both of them more antsy and uncomfortable.
Nobody really moved or said anything until after they were in the air. Butters tried hard not to stare at Stan, but he was fascinated by the blue jeans, hugging his legs and the colourful clothes he wore. They suited him in a way. And surprisingly it was Craig who spoke. He pointed at one of the agents in back. “You bastards owe me a phone call.”
“Mister Tucker we were informed of your boyfriend’s anxiety and have sent an agent to check on him.” The agent responded.
“What?! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE?!” Craig yelled. He began unbuckling himself and the agents both moved to stop him. “If someone he does not know knocks on the door and says their with the people who stole ME he’s gonna flip!”
“Mister Tucker-” They grabbed his arms and tried to stop him. But Craig was strong when he was angry.
“No I agreed to come because I was promised a phone call! Now give me a phone or-” Craig raged on and Butters almost cracked a smile. Almost. Stan and the others leaned away from Craig, letting him rage. They were probably thankful they put him on the end beside Stan.
Then he noticed a phone being pickpocketed from one of the agents restraining him and hummed. It seems Feldspar still ran strong in Craig. A glance at Tweek and he knew not only did he see but he was touched by Craig’s words.
Then a thought struck Butters. If Craig called Tweek, his phone would go off… And blow their cover. Shit. He had to stop this. So he joined the other agents in restraining Craig. He quietly approached and moved one agent out of the way. He grabbed Craig's shoulders and pretended to use his body weight to hold him down.
When his face was close enough he whispered. “Tweek is okay. He’s here. You're gonna blow his cover.” And then pushed Craig back in the harness and buckled it.
Craig looked dumbfounded and Butters took his place back by the cockpit. Stan had a small smile on his face like he had heard and Butters hoped he did. The agents on the far end nodded to him. “So I guess what they say about you executioners is true. No nonsense, strong, and silent. Whatever ya said rattled the tough guy though. Must be as scary as they say.”
Butters had zero clue what they meant but Tweek gave a nod. His mouth was set in a line. The earpiece buzzed and he heard Tricia. “Good job. Don't talk. I promise I'll explain.” Then it fizzled out.
“So, who wants drinks after this?” The other agent asked. Butters and Tweek looked at each other and then back the others. They raised an eyebrow. “Oh shit. Must be real no-nonsense guys. Cool.”
“So what kind of agent did you send to my boyfriend's house?” Craig asked. “Is he okay?” The agents went back to business, straight faces and tensed muscles.
“He’s fine. We sent a medical officer, he says he used a mild sedative and put Mr. Tweak into a dreamless sleep.” The agent responded. Butters almost snorted at the lie but he was Agent Butters right now and that meant no nonsense.
“Hey how much longer is this flight?” Kyle asked. He was leaning closer to Kenny and farther from Cartman.
“Ah about another half hour. Why?” The other agent spoke up for once.
Kyle looked at Cartman. “My friend ate too much junk food and has bad diarrhea.” He told them.
“Shut up I do not Kayhl!” Cartman yelled. Kenny giggled. “It’s just that shitty fair food that’s given me gas!”
Butters earpiece fizzled. “Ya know the girls all call Kenny the virginity destroyer but Karen says he's really sweet.”
Butters was tempted to ask why that was important but he knew better. Tweek seemed to get it so that was enough. The rest of the ride was spent with Craig and the others arguing and the agents trying to make Tweek and Butters crack a smile. Butters watched Stan closely for most of the flight. Stan would occasionally look at him as well. He was grateful the other agents couldn't see his actual eyes. Butters was positive that Tweek was watching Craig too.
When the chopper landed they were all allowed off. “Wait. Don't leave me here!” Tricia’s voice crackled through their earpieces. “Pretend to look over your gun until everyone is gone.” She instructed. Tweek immediately pulled out his handgun and began examining it. He pulled the clip out and then pulled the slide back and looked through it and down the barrel. He checked the safety and other pieces of the gun while Butters watched the people. The pilot and co-pilot were outside and the other agents waited for Stan and Craig to lead the others away. Once the boys were outside the agents gave a nod to Butters and Tweek and left.
“I’ll get Tricia.” Tweek whispered. “Go outside and stay close. I have a bad feeling about this.” He moved to the crate and popped it open.
“Well okay.” Butters whispered back. His boots clomped on the metal floor as he left the helicopter. Outside the agents were trying to contact someone on the radio and his friends were all stood off the side. Craig was leaned against a crate and watching the helicopter closely. Stan was whispering something to Kyle and Kenny. Eric was on his phone trying to make a vlog.
Butters stayed close to the chopper and waited for Tweek. The earpiece fizzled and he heard Tricia. “Listen Butters, you need to get Craig BACK into the chopper. NOW” Butters sighed. No context? No explanation she promised? Butters moved over to his friend group and silently grabbed Craig’s arm.
He got close to Craig’s ear again and whispered “Pretend to fight and be a little scared. But don't say nothing.” He began to pull Craig back to the chopper and pushed him inside. He noticed the other agents weren't paying attention so he motioned for Stan to come to him. Once Stan was in front of him he gave a discreet smile. He whispered to communicate. “It’s good to see ya, any clue what’s going on?”
“The president just said the Flute Bands were going back to Peru and that we had to bring them back.” Stan whispered back.
The earpiece fizzled to life like some little bug in his ear. “Butters, get in here. I'm going to explain things.” Tricia hissed. Butters jumped and grabbed Stan to pull him into the chopper with him.
“Tricia says she knows what’s going on.” Butters whispered. Stan was obviously confused but he didn't protest. Once they were inside, and the door was closed behind him Butters looked to Tricia.
“Okay, so Ike found this whole conspiracy the other day. Apparently President Garrison made some deals with Russia to obtain office. Common knowledge right? Well, in order to maintain office he needs to make sure the Russians and certain people working for him don't tell anyone!” Tricia sat back in one of the seats and twiddled the antennae of her radio. “So he enlisted the help of a horribly destructive species. He lets them free and destroys the one thing that can stop them and they destroy all his enemies, while sparing the United States.” She continued. “But their leader wanted to be there to witness the death of the one person who can stop them…”
She turned to look at Craig. “What?” He asked and Tweek twitched.
“Remember when you said you stopped giant guinea pigs by shooting sparks from your eyes?”
Okay everyone, Im sorry my updates have been kinda slow across the board but there's a lot of shit going on right now so Im just going to post what I have for each story and paste this note onto them all. My sister had a mental break and refuses to see any visitors except for me. We can only hang out for an hour and the hospital watches us since she's possibly violent. It takes a lot out of me mentally to see that so... slow updates.
tan had been confused plenty of times in his life. In fact, it happened more times than he could count, and he had learned to just roll with it. This time he had no clue what to make of his situation. Butters and Tweek stood in front of their group, gun pulled on the murderous agent Lynches. As soon as they had left the chopper a second time with a wonderful explanation from Tricia in their minds the two agents had pulled guns and motioned for Butters and Tweek, who they still thought were agents, to do the same.
“What the hell are you assholes doing?! Our orders were to-” The agent was cut off by the loud sound of trees cracking.
“Argh!” Came a shout from the left of the situation. “Ahoy! Ye must be the agents that were sent to me. Ahoy again Craig!” A giant guinea pig in a pirates costume stood off to the left. Trees were splintered around it and the sight made everyone freeze.
“Ahoy, mister pirate guinea pig! Yes, we were the agents sent to you for your purpose but uh. In case you can't see we have a couple traitors and an issue.” One agent spoke and waved his gun to point at the group standing behind Tweek and Butters. Stan raised an eyebrow and leaned over to Kyle, “Hey isn't that the guinea pirate Craig eye zapped last time we were here?” He whispered.
“I think so, dude. I wonder if we can get Craig back to that stone he stood on last time…” Kyle whispered back. Stan looked over his shoulder and noticed Tricia leaving the chopper to sneak around the back of it. He watched curiously until gunshots got his attention.
The agents had shot at the guinea pirate and he was devouring one’s arm! Kenny had grabbed his arm and they began running back towards the helicopter. Tricia was waiting for them and led them past it into the jungle. Stan checked behind him to see Butters and Tweek bringing up the rear of the group. His heart was pounding so hard it hurt and he was unsure about whether it was seeing Butter’s face or whether it was running so hard. The trees were whizzing by them and Kyle and Cartman were in the lead right behind Tricia. Stan noticed that they were running toward a familiar small rock structure.
Tricia ran inside it and waited for everyone else to run inside before moving away from the entrance. “Okay. Okay.” She panted. “We’re all here, so… let’s go.” She stood up straight and pulled her messy pigtails out to pull them back into a ponytail.
“Wait! You never told us why the fuck you’re here!” Craig yelled. “I get that some government conspiracy to kill me is going on, but why the hell are YOU here to help us? And why the hell did these assholes get dragged along?!”
She sighed. “Walk and talk okay?” She began walking away. Stan and the others scrambled after her as she pulled a compact mobile device from her back pocket. Stan walked behind Tweek and Craig. He looked over his shoulder to see Butters looking slightly puzzled and uncomfortable so he took his hand. Nobody else seemed to notice so he slowed down to walk beside him. He could get the story from someone else later.
“So are you going to tell us?” Tweek asked anxiously.
“I’m here because Ike’s first choice was unavailable to do this part. They will be here nearer to tomorrow.” She told them.
“Wait, my brother?” Kyle asked from closer to the front of the group. Stan didn't know who to look to, at this point so he turned back to Butters.
“You okay man? Ya, look a little scared.” He whispered. Butters shrugged.
“Well Stan, I don't really know what's going on anymore. I'm just kinda here with a gun…” Butters whispered back.
Stan pulled him a little closer. “Thanks for the save back there. Those agents could have killed us.” Stan’s voice carried more and more the deeper they went.
“Your voice is so deep you have an echo. Let's just listen to Tricia.” Butters tried to stifle his giggles.
“Ike’s the one who caught wind of this whole thing when he was talking to an old client of his. Anyway. We needed someone on the ground to make sure this all went to plan so Ike’s other clients can pick us up. We did some research and this little ‘prophecy hut’ actually leads to an underground tunnel that will take us to the same area Craig zapped the guinea pirate.” Tricia told them. She pulled out a flashlight from Butters backpack that he had left on the helicopter. Then she handed it back to him.
“Okay, so wait. The guinea pirate wants Craig dead. Why the hell are we here?” Cartman asks annoyed.
“Because just luring Craig here would be a lot harder if they didn't have a reason beyond ‘hey we need you dead.’ So they needed the whole Llama Brothers thing.” She informed in the most annoyed voice ever. “Seriously think about shit before you ask it.”
“Okay, so we need to get Craig to blast some guinea creatures again?” Stan clarified. “Sounds easy enough.”
“Yep. We just need to go down the rope bri-” Tricia stopped at the edge of a bright opening. Stan stopped and tried to move through the crowd of his friends to see what was up. And sure enough, the bridge was down. Like cut from the posts on their side and hanging limply from the other side. He groaned.
“Now what?” Kyle asked.