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I'll bleed and fight for you (Jamilton)

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          Thomas Jefferson was a young man ready to live, more or less, his own life. When his parents divorced, he went to live with his mother, as his father was an homophobic asshole. So since he was ten, he grew up with his loving mother and her very kind wife. He really loved them, of course, they were his family. But he also wanted to know what it was like to live like an adult. He was already 21, for God's sake! And this new life will begin with College. In a dorm. With a roommate. Well, there were like two bunk beds, so maybe he would have more than only one roommate. Anyway! He was ready for this new beginning! He had already unpacked all his stuffs and was all excited with the idea of sharing a room with a friend, even if they weren't his best friend, James Madison. It didn't matter, he was gonna have fun anyway! 

 

            That's when they arrived. A very short man, wearing an oversized hoodie and carrying his luggages with more or less a lot of difficulties. And in his arms... Wait. Was this a baby?! Thomas stared at the man in surprise as said man walked to the other bed, putting the little sleeping baby on the sheets very carefully, as he was made of crystal. He then proceeded to unpack as Thomas finally found his voice back.

"Hum, Hi, my name's Thomas Jefferson, nice to meet you, mister...?"

"Alexander Hamilton. Nice to meet you, mister Jefferson" the man answered with a low voice, sitting on the bed and taking the baby in his arms. 

"Hum... And...?"

"Oh, my son. Philip" Alexander informed, smiling tenderly to his child.

"He's cute!" The Virginian answered, smiling too. "You seem pretty young, how old are you?"

"I'm nineteen. "

"Ni- Oh! How... Where is the mother?" 

"He doesn't have any." He replied kinda agressively. 

"Oh... I'm sorry for you loss..."

"He's never had any mother." 

"... But then how..."

 

           Oh. It was pretty obvious now. Alexander was very short and thin for a boy, his hair was long enough to reach his shoulder, his face was pretty cute, a bit round, with big hazel eyes and long lashes, a beautiful red mouth, adorable freckles on his cheeks and nose, and the oversized made sense now. This man was very beautiful, and very feminine.

"Are you trans?" 

"Why would you care?!" The shorter man replied, on the defensive.

"So i don't make you uncomfortable. Don't be so scared, i won't hurt you. I'm cis, but bi. What about you?" The Southerner asked in a very friendly tone.

"... Bi too. "

"Oh! And... Can i ask how old is Philip? By the way, i'm 21." 

"... He's 6 months. He won't cry at night, now. Not too much." 

"Good to know! But even if he does, it won't be a problem, don't worry. I can even take care of him sometimes if you want. It must be exhausting to raise a child alone."

"... It is. Thank you, Thomas." 

 

          And as the younger man gave Thomas his first smile, the Virginian felt his heart melt. This smile was the most beautiful he'd ever seen. And he absolutely wanted the young dad to show this smile as much as possible. Blushing and smiling, the taller man answered: 

"Anytime, Alexander. Never hesitate to ask help, and let's be friends!"

Chapter Text

         After the introductions, Thomas got to take care of sleepy Philip while Alexander was taking a shower. As the baby arrived in his arms, the Virginian couldn’t help but smile and melt. The baby had the same freckles as his father, just so many more, and he was so so tiny! Then he realized he was holding a baby. Holy shit! He was 21 and never left his mother’s house until now, and this man, at 19, was a father, probably had to prove to the whole world he was a dad and a man, and not a mom and a woman, and visibly no one was here to help him raise the child.

 

         Thomas was surprised to see that he wouldn’t mind being the papa of this little boy. How was this even possible? How could he already have a crush on this man he just met and love and care for this child as if he was his own? He was really weird… And if he told this to the shorter man, said man would think the same, and will probably find him disgusting and wouldn’t want to see him ever again… He had to keep this for himself until he could see James.

 

         But the Virginian didn’t get the time to think any longer about all this because the baby was already waking up and Alexander was still on the shower and Thomas would never dare to go there to tell the man that the baby was awake. He started stressing when the baby opened his eyes but then… Philip giggled happily. Oh. Good. The baby wasn’t scared.

 

         The Southerner smiled fondly at the little guy. “Hi, little one, did you sleep well? Seems like it. God, you have your daddy’s eyes! What woke you up buddy? You’re hungry? Bored, maybe?”

 

         If Philip didn’t answer with words, he made himself clear by grabbing some of thomas’ hair, playing with the crazy curls, smiling and giggling so cutely that thomas’ heart melted again, just as with Alexander’s smile. Talking about him…

 

         The younger man finally got out with an oversized shirt with long sleeves, a sport short and a messy bun which let some of his beautiful brown locks fall around his pretty face. The man smiled seeing his son awake and quickly came to hold him in his arms:

“Hey, how’s daddy’s little guy? Did Thomas take great care of you?”

“Yes, of course i did! Your baby is adorable, Alexander!”

“You can call me Alex, by the way. If Philip trust you and like you, as long as you don’t hurt us, we’re friends.”

“Oh, glad to know that! Then let me make us dinner!”

“Oh, i can help…”

“Just come with me and talk to me, this way i won’t feel lonely and that would be enough to help me, okay?”

“Hmm. Seems reasonable.”

 

         Thomas smiled and they went to the kitchen, where the Virginian started to cook while Alexander sat Philip on the baby chair he had somehow carried with all his stuffs. The young dad then grabbed his laptop, writing with a passion that was almost scary. But Thomas just find this absolutely fascinating. So, the most naturally, he asked about it.

“What are you writing Alexander?”

“Just getting some work done.”

“What kind of work, if it’s okay to ask?”

“Some book…”

“Oh! So you’re a writer?”

“Kinda…”

“Have you published some work already?”

“Hmm, yeah. Hurricane.”

“Wait… You were the autor of this fucking wonderfully awesome book?! It’s one of my favorite!”

“Wow… I didn’t expect that it would be a success.”

“It must help a lot, no? It’s nearly a best seller, the money must be useful to raise your child.”

“It’s… kinda complicated.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t get most of the money.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s a long story. I’d rather not talk about it for now.”

 

         Thomas shrugged. After all, Alexander had the right not to answer all his questions. But no worries, he had so many other things to ask to his new friend!

“Oh! I wanted to ask, Alexander, where are you from?”

“Thomas, call me Alex, please. If you say my full name every sentences this conversation will be way too long for what would be said. I’m from Nevis, a tiny island in the Caribbean.”

“Oh! Lucky! The beaches and the sun!”

“Eh… I wouldn’t say that. More like horror and death. This island is not exactly a paradise, it’s more like hell. You haven’t seen what i’ve seen.”

“So… The Hurricane… The description of death and suffering… All the overwhelming feelings… Was it true? Did it really happen? I mean… Did you imagine it? Or did you live it?”

“Take a guess.”

 

         The Virginian had always thought that it had only been a text with the very beautiful description of an invented hurricane, something like an horrible nightmare that just couldn’t be true, that bring very deep feelings, making the reader cry and shake in fear just by seeing the powerful word dancing on the pages. He wanted to keep believing this version. But the look in Alexander’s eyes, this pain, it was way too real to help Thomas believing in this lie.

 

          Thanks god, the immigrant didn’t like this silence, especially after talking about such a dark subject.

“You’re from the South, aren’t you?” He asked the taller man.

“Uh, right. Is my accent that obvious?”

“Kinda.” Alex giggled cutely.

“Well, I’m from Virginia. It’s not as… exotic as where you’re from, probably a lot more boring, but… i guess it’s a good place to live. I used to live with my mothers, when my mom divorced with my father. What about you?”

“I’ve never seen my father and i was twelve when my mother died.”

“Oh shi-”

“Vocabulary, please.” The short man required, as Philip was looking at them with wide curious eyes.

“Sorry, i mean… Sorry for your loss… But then… Who did raise you?”

“My cousin for a short time. He joined my mom short after, unfortunately.”

“Oh…”

 

         Thomas felt hurt by all this. Imagining Alexander, so young and fragile, losing his family… it was painful to hear that this man had to go through so much. Plus he had the family that it was only a short part of all the horrors the small man had seen and lived. But, very calmly, the younger man continued his story.

“I then went on the foster system until the age of sixteen. I had… a boyfriend at the time, since i was fourteen, and i went to live with him. I was madly in love, so i didn’t think twice.”

“Is… this boyfriend still with you now?

“Hell no! Absolutely not! Not anymore and never again!”

“Wow, it ended that bad?”

“I don’t wanna talk about this... “ He looked at his son before finding something appropriate to say in order to describe his ex boyfriend. “This very awful person.”

“Is… he Philip’s other dad?”

“No. I mean… Yes and no. Biologically he is. But i don’t want him near my son. I won the right to keep Philip just for me, and he doesn’t have the right to come near us. He’ll never have Philip. I made sure he’ll never have the right to be alone with my child.”

“Did he cheated on you…?”

“Yes he did. Plenty of times.”

“But don’t you think that even if he cheated he deserves the right to-”

“Cheating was only one of the many things he’d done! You don’t know him! But i can swear to God that i’m not letting him alone with my babyboy, and that he doesn’t deserve anything good in this life, especially not someone so precious!”

“Can i ask-”

“No you can’t! I can’t talk more about this without getting… very mad. Let’s drop this subject, please.”

“Yeah.... Sure. Dinner’s ready anyway. I hope you like mac n cheese!”

Chapter Text

         After dinner, which was spent with a much lighter mood, Alexander went in the livingroom to feed Philip. The little guy was small, but dammit! He ate like twice his father usually eat on a day! Maybe. Just to say his hungry babyboy won’t go to bed with his stomach empty! Alexander would never permit that something like this happens. He knew what it was like to starve, to be hungry with nothing to calm his hunger. There was no way he would let this happen to his precious child. He was grateful that Thomas did let him his intimacy for this. If there was something the short man was uncomfortable with, it was his chest. Better if the handsome man didn’t see it.

 

           Wait… Handsome? Well, he couldn’t deny Thomas was more beautiful than the gods, seemed pretty intelligent and was so… kind. Alexander never really met someone that caring and tolerant before. Maybe that was why he had felt his heart melt so many times at Thomas’ smile, Thomas’ soft voice, Thomas’ kind words, Thomas’ laugh, Thomas… Ah! That wasn’t good! He couldn’t fall for someone that badly again! Last time he thought he had found true love, the angel turned up to be a fallen one. After all, the Devil had been an angel before their fall. It would end up the same way!!! He was definitely not being fooled again by a pretty face and a lovely mask of gentleness!

 

         When Philip finished his meal, the little guy was quickly falling asleep in his father’s arms. Smiling to his son, the immigrant gently changed him in the bathroom in some baby pyjamas before tucking the baby in some blankets, in a way he won’t be hurt or fall while sleeping. He then sat at his desk, the baby sleeping on his knees in a way he won’t risk anything, while Alexander was working again on his laptop. Thomas, surprised to see that he had started working again, just add: “Don’t go to bed too late, you don’t wanna be tired for your first day.” The virginian then went to sleep as well and the younger man was now the only one awake, working all night long on his various projects, kept awake by his passion and his desire to write everything that might be a good thing to write in the best way possible.

 


 

          As he started to be really tired, Alexander checked the time. It was already 3 in the morning. Sure, he had written many pages but… it still not seemed to be enough. He sighed. He went in the kitchen to make coffee after carefully laying Philip in the couch, putting all the pillows around him so he wouldn’t fall, and take a sip of his drink before trying to write some other pages. But as Thomas was invading his mind, he couldn’t stay focus.

 

         He sighed again. Maybe he just needed a shower. He went in the bathroom and took his clothes off before staring at the mirror for a while. What he was seeing… It was wrong. He shouldn’t have a chest like this. He shouldn’t have those hips. He shouldn’t look so… feminine. And it hurt to look like this and he felt this disgust for himself, this sadness and this self-hate come back, crushing him, as always.

 

         With shaky hands, he took the blade, his good old friend, went in the shower, and as the cold water hit his back, he started cutting on his wrists, his arms, his tights. Careful. Not too long, not too deep. He also had to not go to hard where the veins were. He just wanted to be relieved a bit of all this, just wanted to feel better. He didn’t want to die. He couldn’t die. He had survived so much, now, but he still had to fight and stay alive. For his son. For Philip. As he went through this, he knew how horrible and cruel the Foster system was. He didn’t want his baby to go through the same. So he had to stay alive. He had no other choice than ignore the voices in his head screaming him that everyone, including Philip, would be better without him and that he should do it, should cut too deep, should do it good this time, should die already.

 

           As the blood was lazily rolling down his legs and arms, he could feel the scars on his back. So many ugly scars. So many bad memories. The scars from his poor alcoholic mother, from her various boyfriends, from the Foster system, from James. James, the father of his child. Maybe the worst man he’d ever met. Probably the one who scares him the most. But also the one he had to protect Philip from. And if it was for his son, Alexander wouldn’t hesitate to fight back. To leave, to attack, to do whatever it takes so all that he had, his precious child, was safe. It was still fucking scary but he would be brave and do the impossible for the treasure of his life. The only good thing he’d ever made.

 

         He quickly washed off the blood and his marked body before preparing himself for the day. A messy bun, his binder, an oversized hoodie and some jeans. He then remembered the dinner Thomas had made last night. He wasn’t ungrateful, and as everyone was still asleep…. He made breakfast for his roommate. He never ate a lot at breakfast himself, so he wasn’t sure how much food he had to prepare but he made a lot, hoping that it would be enough for someone Thomas’ size. After breakfast, he prepared his bag.

 

         That’s when Philip started waking up. Before the little guy could cry properly, Alexander picked him up, and went in the kitchen to bottle feed him. He smiled fondly at the little boy who was drinking his milk hungrily with his big hazel eyes, so like his own eyes. Pride was not the word he was looking for. There was so much more inside him more, his son was his everything. When his babyboy finished the meal, the short man then bathed him carefully. He had to admit that as Philip was now stronger and bigger than when he came to the world, he was starting to splash everything with water and bubbles of soap during the bath. But it was okay, he would just have to clean after.

 

            When his little sun was all clean, he put him some warm clothes on. The weather here was way cooler than in Nevis in September, and he didn’t want his son to catch a cold! And the child started falling asleep again in the warm cocoon his dad made him. That’s the moment Thomas choose to wake up, coming in the kitchen where Alexander was finishing to prepare everything, taking some coffee and yawning.

“‘Morning, Alex…”

“Good morning Thomas. I made breakfast, so just sit and eat. You look like you’re about to fall right back asleep.”

“Uuugh how are you ready this early? You went to bed later than i did! It’s unfaaair!” The Virginian whined childishly.

 

          The younger man couldn’t help but giggle and find that childish attitude absolutely adorable.

“What can i say? I’m a father, i have to be ready at every instant of the night and day!”

“Is Philip asleep?”

“Yes, he just fell asleep again.”

“Noooooo i missed the best moment of the daaaaay! I wanted to say ‘hi’…”

 

          Alexander giggled again. How much more adorable Thomas could be like this, so early in the morning?

“Don’t worry. He’ll probably wake up again when we arrive in class.”

“He’s coming with us?”

“Absolutely. I’m not letting my baby alone in the dorm all day long, what kind of dad do you think i am?”

“The kind of dad which would cry an ocean when baby Philip will leave home to live his own life!”

 

         The immigrant giggled again.

“It’s a bit early to think about this but i have to admit you’re probably right!”

“I know, darling, I’m always right.”

“Where did that ‘darling’ came from?” The shorter man asked with an amused and… found smile.

“Oh, sorry, i… I thought the nickname fit you perfectly. I can’t stop using it if you want me t-”

“Don’t. It’s lovely.”

 


 

            Alexander smiled gently to Thomas, blushing softly. And Thomas’ heart melted. Again. But neither of them could focus on this any longer. They had to go to classes. And the Southerner wanted to make sure that Alexander wasn’t alone to deal with the other students. College was stressing, having a baby was stressing, but both at the same time… The younger man would probably need help. And Thomas was absolutely delighted with the idea to be said help. This way they would grow closer and…

 

          What was he thinking? There was no way someone as beautiful, and busy, and intelligent, which knew so many things and had lived so many stuffs, and perfect as the young man was interested by a man like… him, so boring and who knew nothing about life. But the smile and the blush… Oh no. Thomas was lost. His roommate seemed at least a little bit interested. He wanted the immigrant to be interested. But what if he wasn’t? No no no he had to wait. He wasn’t doing anything without at least a certain number of obvious proofs and some signs from Alexander.

 

          The Virginian felt all embarrassed now.... But he was interrupted in his thoughts by his friend.

“Come on Thomas, we have to go now. You don’t wanna be late for your first day, do you?”

“We’ll be in advance… But okay, I’m coming.”

 

           He quickly grabbed his bag while the immigrant had already his bag on his back, picking up Philip and carrying him with this thing young mothers often wear on their chest to… well to carry the baby comfortably. And they went to classes.

             






Chapter Text

          Of course being in class with a six-months-old baby would have everyone’s attention. Most  of the students were staring, judging. Some others were making fun of this, whispering while pointing Alexander and Philip, who had been waken up by all the agitation. Alexander hated this. He hated the gossips starting, the judgement he knew others had, the way everyone was looking… It made him extremely anxious, his heart rushing, his hands sweating…

 

          Thankfully, a woman of his age came in his direction with a kind smile. She was just a bit taller than him, with long straight dark hair, brown eyes and a light blue dress. With a very soft voice, she asked, still smiling.

“Hi, my name is Elizabeth Schuyler, but you can call me Eliza. Nice to meet you.”

“Uh, h-hi, Alexander Hamilton.”

“Nice to meet you Alexander! And who is the cutie?” She asked, smiling to Philip.

“Philip, my son.”

“He is adorable!”

 

            The short man smiled. Elizabeth was obviously a very sweet girl. He felt like he could trust her. Plus Philip was already moving his little arms toward her. So the immigrant asked, as the teacher still wasn’t there:

“Do you wanna hold him?”

“Can I??? Really?”

“Of course, just be careful not to drop him or hurt him.”

 

            The girl picked Philip up, very carefully, and the baby started giggling cutely.

“Hey little Philip!” She cheered with her calm voice. “What a beautiful little boy! And you have your daddy’s eyes! Pretty hazel eyes!”

“Thanks.” Alexander answered for his son, smiling.

“And his freckles too! God all the ladies’ and gentlemen’s heart you’ll have when you grow up! But i’ll tell you a little secret: you already have mine because you are the cutest baby i’ve ever met!”

 

         The young man couldn't help but feel pride at all the compliments his little angel received. But then the teacher arrived and Elizabeth had to give Alexander his son back.

 


 

          The lessons were fascinating. Alexander just didn’t understand how all these students, including Thomas, were not listening to what the teachers were teaching. He was himself writing nearly every word that was said during the day, while Philip, thanks god, had fallen back asleep, being calm during the lessons and only waking up during the breaks, when Eliza came to talk and help. That’s when some other girls came in the class.

 

          The first one was tall, with long dark curls, a lot of confidence and a pink shirt with black jeans. The second one had a cheerful smile, was smaller, more or less Alexander’s height, with a soft yellow dress. When they saw Elizabeth and Philip, the more joyful of the two came rushing and exclaiming:

“OH NO HE’S SO CUUUUUUTE!!!! WHAT’S HIS NAME? HOW OLD IS HE? ARE YOU THE FATHER OF THIS ANGEL? WAIT OF COURSE YOU ARE!! SAME EYES AND SAME FRECKLES! GOD YOU MADE SUCH A GREAT WORK BY CREATING THIS ADORABLE CINNAMON ROLL YOU BEAUTIFUL STRANGER!!!”

 

            The less we could say was that Alexander seemed very surprised by the girl’s attitude. It wasn’t very common, at least in the immigrant’s life. And while he was left speechless, Eliza took care of the introductions.

“Peggy, Angelica, this ‘beautiful stranger’ is Alexander Hamilton, and the little angel is Philip!”

“Nice to meet you.” Said Angelica, calmly, even if her cheeks were a deep red.

“NICE TO MEET YOU, ALEX!!! CAN I CALL YOU ALEX? IT SUITS YOU WELL!!!” Replied Peggy.

 

             Alexander giggled at the nickname and at Peggy’s enthusiastic attitude and gave him a warm smile.

“Of course you can, it’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

“CAN I HOLD HIM???”

“Okay but first… It’s better to talk low. He’s only a baby, he could think you’re mad and get scared.”

“Sure!! I’ll be the perfect auntie! Say hello to auntie Philip!!

 

            And as Philip moved his little arms toward Peggy who picked him up and played with him while Eliza cheered, Angelica and Alexander started to have a deeper conversation.

“Are you trans? Just to ask, you don’t have to answer. But know that whatever the answer is, that would change nothing with any of us.” Angelica asked.

“... Yes I am. Is it that obvious…?”

“Not really. Eliza and Peggy didn’t noticed, after all. So you have a child? How old are you?”

“Nineteen.”

“I admire you Alexander.”

“Admire… me? Can I ask why?”

“You’re obviously working hard as a student, but also as a dad. You’re present for Philip. Else this little guy won’t be so happy.”

“Of course I’m here for him! He’s my son.”

“Every father don’t make it. They can’t deal with studies, work and parenthood. Because i suppose that you also have to work to provide what your baby needs, a scholarship isn’t enough.”

“I… Writing isn’t even a real job…”

“Of course it is! So you write?”

“Yeah… I published this book more or less a year ago. Hurricane?”

“Oh. This book is very good.” She answered, seeming admiring. “I love it a lot. But how are you not rich with this work?”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Well I’m smart enough to understand, Alexander.”

“I don’t want you to understand neither.”

“I’ll probably find out at some point, anyway.”

 

            Their discussion was interrupted by Eliza bringing lunch for everyone, inviting Alexander and Philip at the occasion, and they ate with a light mood thanks to Peggy’s joy, before classes started again.

 


 

            After the classes, when the immigrant was ready to go to the dorms, the teacher asked him to stay just a bit more.

“Alexander, right?”

“You wanted to see me, Mr Washington?”

“Yes. Listen son, I know that all this must be pretty hard. The transition, the baby, and I gave myself the right to find out what your file said. So if you need anything, and i mean anything, do not hesitate to come to me. To talk, for your lesson, advice for the baby… Whatever you want. Me and my wife, we live really near campus. Here, my address and phone number. My doors, the one of my desk or the one of my house, they are always open.”

“That’s… That mean so much to me, sir, thank you…” The young man answered, holding back tears of emotion. No one ever did so much for him.

“Well, if you come, I’ll be the one to thank you. I talked a bit about you to my wife and she would be really really glad to invite you for dinner on next Saturday?”

“Uh… Really? I won’t be a bother?”

“Of course not son! Then I’ll lead you there Saturday. I’ll be to your dorms at 7pm, is it okay?”

“Sure… Philip can come, right?”

“Of course! I wasn’t imagining anything else, son. Do you have something you want to tell me?”

“No, sir.”

“Then you can go, if you want.”

“Thanks sir. See you tomorrow, in classes.”

“See you tomorrow, son.”

 

         And Alexander finally went back to his dorm. He was quite surprised when he noticed there was someone in there. Thomas would probably with his friend, Madison if he remembered well. So who…? He carefully opened the door, being as silent and possible to have a better look. But the person inside the dorm noticed him nearly immediately and rushed to him.

“Alex!!!”

“Thomas? I thought you wouldn’t be here that early, you haven’t seen your friends in a while…”

“Yeah I know, but… Well i wanted to give you a gift and well, James helped me choose.”

“James Madison? And you shouldn’t have-”

“Madison, yes!!! And it was for my own pleasure, so just say ‘thank you’ and give me one of your beautiful smiles in return!”

 

          Alexander couldn’t help but blush. His smile? Beautiful? Was that was Thomas really thought of his smile? It melted his hurt only by thinking about this possibility.

“Then… Thank you, Thomas.”

“Perfect! And the smile is handsome, pretty boy! Now, come on!!! You have to see it!!”

 

           Still blushing, the smaller man followed his roommate who led him to their room. Oh! A beautiful, blue, comfy baby bed was there!

“I noticed that Philip didn’t have his own bed. And for all the joy this little angel brought in this dorm, and for being so cute, i decided i had to gift him a new bed! And this way, you can work more comfortably too.”

 

            The young man was so affected by Thomas kindness he had tears in his eyes.

“Thank you Thomas… Thank you so much... “

“Not a problem. Anything for you, you can ask me whatever you want and i’ll give it to you. Because you deserve it.”

 

           And Thomas blushed and smiled lovingly and melted inside, but he had decided he would have the confidence to look inside Alexander’s perfect eyes.

Chapter Text

        Thomas had been right. With Philip sleeping on his own bed, it was a lot easier to work at night. And that’s what Alexander did again. He worked all night long on his new project, but still using some of the time he had to study and learn his lessons, so he would have understood and memorized them. Then again, the morning came too early. At 4am, he went to take his shower. And it happened all over again.

 

          The mirrors showing him his body, his hips, his chest, his scars. His ugliness. His insecurities. How pitiful he was. How wrong his shape was, how feminine he was, how disgusting the red, pink and white marks made him. He felt so fat, even if he could easily see his ribs. He didn’t look strong, he didn’t look full of energy. He looked fragile, weak, so tired. And he was. He felt like he was about to break. He had felt like this for so long, and even if sometimes he didn’t, the feeling always came back, again and again. And there was nothing he could do about this.

 

         He wanted all this to stop. He wanted to be strong, to be happy, to be what he should be. But he just couldn’t. He wanted to give up again, to just cut a bit too deep, or to swallow those sleeping pills so he won’t wake up to live his life ever again, so he won’t be haunted by his past or so scared of his future. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Philip. Philip needed him. He needed a parent, a good parent, strong, who would care for him, do whatever it takes to protect him, raise him, provide what he needed, educated him, teach him everything. Nobody else could be that for Philip. Especially not James.

 

         If Alexander died, would Philip have to live with James? Or would he end up in the Foster system? Both options were horrible and he couldn’t imagine doing this to his little angel. So that wasn’t happening. He wasn’t strong, but there was no way he was going to give up. He would find the strength. He had to. He quickly showered, avoiding to look at his body or at the razor blades, and prepared himself quickly. Binder, oversized hoodie and jeans.

 

           Then he fed Philip who woke up short after before cooking breakfast for Thomas. But Thomas didn’t want to get prepared at the moment. It was too early. Classes started late this day. But as Alexander said he was going to the library, Thomas asked.

“Do you want me to keep an eye on Philip? You can go without him, I’ll take care of him. You need to relax too, sometimes.”

“Uh? Are you sure?”

“He already ate, come on. I have several younger siblings. I took care of them too sometimes, I’m basically a baby-sitter expert. You can trust me on this.”

“Okay, then. You have my number. Call me if you need anything, or if you need me to come back or if anything happen or-”

“I will! Just go have fun, i got this.”

“Thanks, Thomas…”

“Anytime! We’ll have fun together, right little buddy?” He said to the baby, smiling.

 

          And as Philip was giggling and already playing with Thomas’ hair, the short man relaxed.

“Alright. I’ll be back in like two or three hours. Do you want me-”

“I’ll cook lunch. It’s Saturday! You aren’t even supposed to have classes today, why did you take so many options?”

“It’s important. I wanna learn whatever i can learn. This way whatever Philip would want to do later i would be able to help him.”

“Wow. You’re like the perfect father, aren’t you?”

“Thanks…” The immigrant couldn’t help but blush at this. It made him happy. And Thomas saying this just melted his heart even more.

“Anyway. I’ll take care of Philip this afternoon too, if it’s okay with you. So you can focus even more on your lessons. What classes do you have this afternoon, by the way?”

“Spanish and… I think it was arts. They told me it would help me well… to feel better. But are you sure? Don’t you prefer like, go out and have fun with your friends?”

“If i wanna see my friends, it would probably be just James Madison. And he doesn’t like going out so we probably will just stay there calmly, watching a movie, talking, something like this. Plus he adore children. It’s even worse than with kitties. Believe me, it will be okay. Children love him too.”

“... Okay. But trust me: If anything bad happen to MY son while i trusted you to take care of him? You won’t be able to call me your friend ever again and i’ll make your life a living hell. Philip is all i have. My only family, my everything. Don’t you dare to hurt him or don’t take care of him properly. Understood?” He said in a low, but very serious and nearly scary voice.

“Yep! Very clear. But you won’t be disappointed.” But Thomas only found his love for his son endearing.

 

           Alexander smiled and nodded. He couldn't help but think about what a great father Thomas would be for Philip. In the end, he still wasn’t able to control his feelings… But at least, it made him forget how much he had been able to love James Raynolds. Oh, right!

“One last thing, Thomas. If a man come here saying he want to see me, a James Raynolds, or want to see Philip. Do NOT let him in. I don’t want this man near my son.”

“He’s your ex?”

“Yes he is. But you don’t need to engage any conversation. Okay? Please?”

“I promise. He won’t be allowed near Philip. Don’t worry, i’ll make sure he doesn’t.

“Thank you, Thomas. Now i’ll let you have fun with my sun.”

 

         The young man smiled softly and went to kiss his baby on the forehead.

“Daddy will be back soon, be a good boy if Thomas. But if Thomas is bad, you’re allowed to be a little devil, okay?” He giggled at Thomas’ fake indignation.

“I wouldn’t dream of being bad! I don’t want to have the Hamiltons against me!! You’re both so perfect, i’d rather have you as friends!”

“Good to know! I’m leaving, now. Have a nice time, guys!”

 

          And as the Virginian and the baby started playing together already, Alexander went to the library. Even when he still lived in Nevis, he had always loved libraries. The possibility to work and read in a calm place, where nobody was usually there to annoy him or hurt him. And the books. He was a bibliophile. So he quickly picked some books to bring home before starting working. He worked like this for two hours non-stop before putting his stuffs on his backpack and going back to the dorm.

 

          But he found himself paralyzed when this voice he knew way too well called him, yelling angrily in the streets, a real threat:

“ALEXIA!!!”


           He had to go away, to run away before the tall man arrived. But he couldn’t move. He started panicking. His hands were sweaty, he was shaking like a leaf in Autumn and breathing was harder and harder. He knew it will end up bad if he didn’t go now. He had to go, now! Why his legs couldn’t just obey?! He had to run away run run ru- Too late.

Chapter Text

          It’s when the man was just in front of him that Alexander began to move again, a sudden rush of adrenaline coming through his blood making him desperately take a step back before the taller man grabbed him violently by the arm, forcing him to stay.

“I finally found you you little slut !” He whispered in a terrifying way on Alex’s ear.

 

         He was too near, way to near, his arm hurts, he’s gonna hurt him, he didn’t want him to hurt him he was so scared and he couldn’t think about anything else than the threats in James’ voice and the hurtful words he received.

“What were you THINKING when you left, uh? That i would let you go with my son?! Where is he by the way, uh? Such a bad mother you lost him?!”

“T-that’s n-none of your-” The shorter man tried to defend himself.

“WHO give you the right to answer?! You shouldn’t use your FUCKING mouth for this!!! Your voice is so high pitched i can’t stand it! It’s even worse than a little girl!” James cut, tightening his hold on Alexander’s arm, which made the small man gasp in pain. “Oh what now, Alexia? You’re gonna whine as the crybaby you are, uh? That’s all you’re good for, anyway!”

“L-let me go…”

“Are you stupid or what?! You BELONG to me!! You’re mine! I’m not letting you go!! Anyway, why were you hoping? You can’t live without me!!!”

“Y-yes i can!”

“SHUT UP YOU LITTLE SLUT!!!”

 

          At the violent scream, Alexander couldn’t help but yelp in terror. He always beat him after screaming like this he was gonna hurt him! But surprisingly he didn’t. He kept his hold painfully tight but didn’t hit him.

“Listen, babygirl…” James said in his soft voice, the one of the beginning of their relation, when he was kind, the one he used everytime he wanted Alex to come back. “I’ll change, okay? I’ll take good care of our son, too. I know i can be a bit strict sometimes but it’s for your own goo-”

“DON’T YOU DARE USE PHILIP TO HAVE ME BACK!!! I’M NEVER COMING BACK! I KNOW YOU WON’T CHANGE YOU’LL NEVER CHANGE!! YOU SAID THE SAME THING LAST TIME, AND THE TIME BEFORE, AND BEFORE AND BEFORE IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME!!!”

 

           He twacked Alexander very hard, so hard the small man’s mouth tasted like blood and his cheek had already swollen. Now James grabbed both of his arms painfully to shake him.

“DON’T YOU DARE TALKING ME WITH THIS TONE, LITTLE GIRL!!! You better accept my proposition, else i’ll force you to come back! You know i can do this, right, you whore?! It’s just gonna be much more painful! It’s not like someone else can love you, anyway! You’re such a disgusting, stupid, annoying, ugly, good for nothing, useless, worthless whore!! Even i have difficulties to love someone like you, but i’m making efforts! Can’t you see how much i’m doing for you?! Why are you so heartless?!”

“S-Stop, just let me go, please…”

“Babygirl, you know i love you, i can’t let you go.”

 

         It wasn’t good. He felt like James was right. He felt so bad, so disgusting, stupid, worthless and all those things he’d said. He felt like he was gonna break down. Again. If he resisted it was only going to get worse, to hurt more… After maybe James wouldn’t hurt Philip? Maybe Alexander would be the only one to take the hits, and maybe it would even get less painful... ?

 

          Shit. This was all bullshit, what was he thinking! The pain was real, if he loved Alexander and hurt him anyway it would be the same for Philip! And anyway, Philip would probably be hurt by seeing Alexander get hit, as it hurt Alexander when he saw his mother get hit sometimes! It wasn’t love, it was abuse! It was painful to admit it but Reynolds had never loved him, never never never!! Not love, not love at all!!! Come on Alexander you can do it, for your son!

“Fuck off! I’m not coming back ever again, James!!!”

 

            James raised his hand again, ready to hit and Alexander shut his eyes tightly, waiting for the pain to come. But it didn’t, once again. The hold in his arm was gone in an instant and the small man opened an eye carefully. Another man had come to help him, not as tall as James but visibly strong enough to convince him to go away. He had curly brown hair, green eyes, freckles all over his face, which turned from tough to soft when he turned to the short man.

“Are you okay? Can you talk? God i wish i was here sooner, your cheek is pretty swollen…”

“I-I’m… Thank you…”

“Of course. I’m not letting some asshole beating a pretty girl.”

“I-I’m not actually… a girl.” He said with difficulties as his cheek hurt as hell.

“Seriously?! Oh shit sorry man! I’m not letting an asshole beating a pretty boy, then. Do you have time? I’ll bring you to my dorm, in the campus, to take care of your face, if it’s okay.”

“What time is it?”

“10:30 am.”

“I have some time, then, thank you a lot.”

“Anytime. Come on, follow me. Can you walk?”

 

         The immigrant nodded. The stranger grabbed his hand softly so he won’t be lost in the crowd they went in, leading him to the same college he was studying in.

“I’m in the same college. I’m Alexander, by the way. Alexander Hamilton, but you can call me Alex.”

“Nice to meet you, Alex! Guess we have to see each other kinda often, then! Lucky me! My name’s John, John Laurens. My roommates are probably still there but don’t worry, they’re cool. There is Hercules Mulligan, alias Hercules Muscleman. Don’t worry you’ll recognize him quickly. And then there is Lafayette. I don’t even remember his full name, and he’s the tallest French frie i’ve ever met.”

“He’s French?”

“Yep. Do you speak it?”

“Yes, i do.”

“Oh! Then you may have him in French classes?”

“Probably.”

 

            They didn’t get the time to finish their conversation before arriving to John’s dorm. The door was open and a tall strong man arrived and said in a very enthusiastic voice, which was deep and loud:

“Laf come right now! John’s bringing his boyfriend!”

 

          As the young man felt himself blush, a tall man entered and with a strong French accent exclaimed:

“His girlfriend, you mean!”

“He’s a boy, and not my boyfriend, guys!” John answered, rolling his eyes. “My friend, i guess, if he’s okay with this?”

“Hmm.” Alexander smiled to John, thankful for his intervention.

“Oh! But what happened to him? You aren’t beating your friend, John, are you, mon ami?! If you do i’m not talking to you ever again!” Lafayette exclaimed.

“Of course not! He was in troubles, i helped him! By the way, who was this man, Alex?”

 

          Alexander shook his head. He couldn’t talk about this now. Hercules smiled gently:

“Come on, let this poor man in peace. Alex, is that it? Come in, as those gentlemen are too busy chatting i’ll take care of this myself, okay?”

“Hmm. Thanks.”

 

          He followed Hercules who made him sit in the bathroom, taking the first aid kit and cleaning the wounds.

“Damn it… Can you take off your hoodie? There is blood on it i wanna make sure you’re not hu-”

“Just my face. Once. I’m not hurt anywhere else.”

“But it’s still dirt-”

“I’m not taking my hoodie off.”

 

        There was no way he would. Even if he had his binder under, his t-shirt had short sleeves. He didn’t want him to see his scars.

“Ok, you decide.” Hercules accepted. “Here! Your face is clean! I’ll get you some ice.”

“No it’s okay, thank you very much… I have to go back to my dorm now.”

“Ok but only if you have ice there, then.”

“I do, thank you.”

“Anytime. Want me to walk you there so you won’t-”

“I’ll be the one walking him back to his dorm.” John interrupted. “But are you sure you wanna go now, Alexander? You can stay you know. As we’re friends, Herc and Laf are your friends too, so you’re welcome whenever you want.”

“Thanks but i can-” Alex tried.

“No, you’re not going alone. Oh, and have our numbers, just in case.”

“Thank you so much…”

 

         Alexander was still not used to kindness. But the smile John gave him made him feel a bit safer and he decided to trust him.

“Let’s go now then, i don’t wanna be late.”

“Sure!”

 

            And John walked Alexander back. Once they arrived, the taller man smiled.

“Here we are. Is it safe in there?”

“Yes. It is.”

“Sure? So this man wasn’t your boyfriend or roommate?”

“Of course not! Thanks again by the way.”

“Anytime, Alexander. Well… Unless you need me for something else, i’m leaving. I have to go eat lunch before classes!”

“Wait, you have classes this afternoon?”

“Yep! Spanish and arts. Why?”

“Because i’ll see you there, then.” The immigrant smiled.

“Oh! That’s super cool!! See you then! Bye!”

“Bye.”

 

          And John left while Alexander came in. Thomas was waiting for him and gasped when he was his face.

“What the hell happened?!” He exclaimed, rushing to him.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.”

“Who did this?!”

“Thomas calm down, it’s nothing…”

“How am i supposed to CALM DOWN?!”

“T-Thomas please, you’re scaring me and you’ll wake up Philip…”

 

           At Thomas’ scream, Alexander was scared. Screaming was synonym of hurt and abuse to him. Everytime someone had yelled to him he had been hit right after. Seeing how frightened the young man was, the Southerner sighed and calmed down.

“Sorry, I’m just worried…”

“Y-you don’t have to. It’s okay now. I got help from a John Laurens. He brought me to his dorm and his friend Hercules MUlligan already cleaned my face. But do we have ice?”

“Yeah, of course. Glad you’ve been helped… I just wished i was there so you never got hit in the first place.”

“It’s nothing, just a little slap.”

“A slap did that?! Shit!”

“Language Thomas.”

“Yeah, right, sorry. I’ll get you the ice.”

         The Virginian quickly went to grab ice and insisted to hold it on Alexander’s cheek during lunch. After this, no need to say Alexander felt like melting inside, falling a bit more in love with Thomas’ kindness, and Thomas in general to be honest, and that his cheek felt numb enough to not be painful anymore. Just in time to go to classes, where he would meet John Laurens again.

Chapter Text

         At the exact instant Alexander entered the classroom, John smiled and waved to him so the short man would sit next to him.

“Hi Alex! I see your cheek is a bit better?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“So what are your levels in Spanish and French?”

“I’m fluent.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. Where i come from, everyone talk those two languages with English so i just kinda learnt it since i’m a child.”

“That’s good! I’m fluent in Spanish too but for French, Laf is the best. He IS French so…”

“Well his English is very good too.”

“Isn’t it? So! Before the teacher arrive: talk me a bit more about yourself!”

“Uh, i don’t know what to say…”

“Sexual orientation?”

“Bisexual. You?”

“Gay. Single?”

“Yes.”

“Same! What are you planning to be?”

“A lawyer and a writer.”

“Oh, you write?”

“Kinda. Hurricane?”

“Oh!!! Seriously? I loved the book so much! You HAVE to sign me an autograph!”

“If you want.” The immigrant giggled.

“And where are you from?”

“Nevis. In the Caribbean.”

“South Carolina! So you like books?”

“I love them.”

“Same!!! God we have to have litterature chats!”

“With pleasure.”

“Any siblings?”

“I’m an only child. You?”

“I’m the older. I have two little sisters and a little brother. Martha, Mary, Henry Junior.”

“Wow, life there must be quite lively.”

“It is. As my mother died when i was quite young, and my father isn’t the best, i’m kinda the dad brother, if you see what i mean.”

“Oh… I’m sorry for your loss… I lost my mother too when i was twelve.”

“Oh… What about your father? Do you get on well with him?”

“I’ve never met him. He left when my mother told him she was pregnant. And i don’t consider the boyfriends she had like fathers. They weren’t exactly kind and caring.”

“Oh shit… So you’re… an orphan?”

“Yes. After my mother’s death a cousin took care of me but… He didn’t live a long time after that. I grew up on the Foster system for a while. Until i… moved to my ex boyfriend’s house. I was fifteen. I just… run away and no one cared. No families wanted to keep me more than a couple of months anyway, and i was getting too old.”

“I’m so sorry… What… did they die from?”

“I got sick… So my mother got sick too. I got better, but she didn’t. And the cousin… He committed suicide.”

“Shit… But… so you don’t have any family now…? As you’re single i guess you aren’t living with you boyfriend or aren’t getting married so he isn’t part of your family, right?”

“He isn’t. But i still have my son.”

“Your- You’re a parent?”

“Yes. His name’s Philip. My roommate kinda really get on well with him so he is taking care of him this afternoon.”

“Oh. But i thought you were nineteen? Just like me?”

“I am nineteen.”

“Oh. How old is he?”

“Six-months-old.”

“Is your ex-boyfriend…?”

“Yes. But i won the right to have Philip. He isn’t allowed to come near him.”

“... Is your ex this man who hurt you?”

 

         Oh no. He found out…

“Yes.” The shorter man answered, ashamed.

“It was an abusive relationship, wasn’t it? I saw the way you’re scared of quick movements, or loud noises…”

“Y-yes it was… But don’t tell-”

“I won’t tell anyone as long as you stay safe and don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything. I’m here for you, Alexander, and i understand what abuse is like. You know, my father… He didn’t take very well the fact that i’m gay. That’s one of the reasons i’m staying here. I’m far from him and this way he can’t hurt me, and he doesn’t have to live under the same roof with a ‘fag’.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, i… well i guess i can relate… Just a bit, they weren’t my real family but…”

“Alexander, it’s okay. Just so you know i understand and won’t judge you. You can come to talk about this whenever you want. Or call, or text, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“You can do the same, John. I’ve… been through several kind of… situations. I may be able to help.”

“Thanks.” The freckled man smiled softly. “And you know, the blood doesn’t always make the family. Sometimes, the family you build with people you care for, and care for you, is the best families ever.”

“I guess i’m gonna find out. It’s all really new for me.”

“What’s new?”

“Kindness. Understanding, caring. Friends. A heart family.”

“Then welcome in our heart family, Alexander. You’re always welcome, you and Philip. And your roommate if he’s kind.” He said with a kind tone.

“He is.” The immigrant blushed.

“Oh? Does someone have a crush?” John teased with a smirk. “I auto-proclaim myself your new best friend! Now you have to tell me EVERYTHING about him!!!”

“What? No! No way!!”

 

         John laughed when he saw how Alexander was blushing and the short man was so embarrassed! But it felt good. He felt like John really was a good friend. A best friend, as he said. He trusted him. It was quick but he already felt comfortable around the man. Probably because he understood everything. They weren’t so different. He talked about him about his loss and his abuse. He didn’t just listen, giving him pity. He gave him understanding and kindness. There was someone who had lived something similar and won’t judge. It was… reassuring.

“Come on Alex, pleaaaaaaaase…”

“Shhhh, the teacher is coming. I’ll tell you in Art, okay?”

“Yissssssss!!! Remember this, dude: you have to tell me everything!!”

“I know i know” He giggled.

 

        The teacher arrived and while Alexander was all serious, John was drawing some doodles. And when the Art classes began, John was quick to decide Alexander was his Art partner for the year and show him the doodles.

“Your pretty face, Lexi!”

“Oh! Wow, you’re very good at drawing! And the nickname is cute”

“Isn’t it? Come on, let’s draw each other! And let’s change we want about us, okay?”

“Like what?”

“Hmm… Make me with less freckles! I have waaaay too many freckles!” He giggled.

“I think it’s beautiful. It looks like constellations.”

“... Wow, thanks, no one ever said me that.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Then let’s try to let the freckles. Do you want me to change something?”

“... I wanna look like a boy....”

“But you are a boy, you already look like one.”

“I mean… I wanna be masculine.”

“Okay, just wait a moment. Let’s talk while we draw, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

         And they started drawing. Alexander often drew when he was young. When they were no other books to read, when he couldn’t focus on writing because of the screams in the house. He drew people or landscapes he had seen, the ones in the books, or the ones in his mind. He didn’t really know if he was good at it, but it had always been the last escape. The escape he had when he didn’t have the others. It was relaxing. Calming. He enjoyed drawing. And John seemed to love it too.

“So Lexi, tell me. Who is your roommate?”

“His name’s Thomas Jefferson.”

“Oh! He’s one of Laf’s friends! A francophile.”

“Oh. I knew this guy was smart.”

“Eh eh, i can ask as many questions as you want to Laf. Actually, i’m pretty sure he’ll be more than glad to talk about this with you. He is this kind of guy who would do anything so his friends would find love. We really should do like a pyjama party soon.”

“With the baby?”

“Everyone would love Philip. I’m sure he is as cute as you, and they’re super in love with cuteness.”

“So are you, right? You use those words pretty often.”

“What can i say? I’m an artist. I love beauty. And i have to admit you’re perfect as a model.”

“Thank you. I have to tell you i’m not a good drawer. So sorry if i don’t do justice to your beauty.”

“Don’t worry about it. So, tell me about Thomas?”

“He’s very kind. And funny. And caring.”

“The perfect guy, right?”

“Right.” He blushed.

 

         John laughed before showing his work.

“Here, i finished!”

“Is that… is that me? But… I look like a boy…”

“Told you. You look like a boy, because you are a boy. That’s all. And what you call being feminine? It’s grace. You’re beautiful. You’re perfect the way you are. And you know, a boy doesn’t even need to be masculine.”

“You… You’re so kind… Thank you.” He said, so affected he might cry.

“Keep it. And look at it in the morning. See how you are a pretty boy.”

“Thanks John.”

“No problem Lexi. Come on, let me see yours now!!”

 

          The taller man quickly went behind Alexander to see. And was left speechless.

“I… How can you say you’re not a good drawer? You have a very good style! Plus i don’t think i look that good in any other drawing! Thank you, Lexi!”

“You like it?”

“I love it! Can i keep it? Please?”

“Of course you can.” He smiled gently.

“Thanks! Can i walk you to your dorm? This way i can see what this Thomas looks like~”

 

         Alexander giggled and nodded.

“Sure, if you want.”

“Yay!! Let’s go then! I can’t wait to see him!”

 

Chapter Text

        Thomas was tickling baby Philip who was laughing happily, and what a beautiful laugh!

“You’re ticklish, Philip? Hmm? You’re having fun, right?”

 

        And as the baby kept laughing, the Virginian couldn’t stop smiling, wondering if Alexander was ticklish too.

“You’ve already taken your bath? Hmm, seems like it. It’s time for your snack, isn’t it? I’m pretty sure your dad fed you at this time yesterday. And after what about training you to say daddy? I’m sure your dad would be just so glad if it was the first word you said!”

 

       Philip just giggled, now chewing his own feet like it was some funny games and the Southerner was in awe at the sight before picking him up and preparing the bottle of milk before feeding him. He was so small, so tiny, but he drank so hungrily, it was adorable! He kept smiling at the little guy who just looked back at him with his big hazel eyes. The same eyes Alexander had. Eyes which would make anybody get lost in.

 

         Then Philip didn’t want to go to sleep. Everytime Thomas tried to lay him in his baby bed, He began to cry to calm down only in Thomas’ arms. It wasn’t really a problem to the Virginian but he was afraid that the little boy would get sick if he didn’t sleep enough. But it was obvious that Philip wasn’t changing his point of view and won’t sleep anytime soon. So he just sat on the couch with Philip in his arms, reading him some fairy tales Alexander had which was obviously only to read to his son.

 

         While Philip and Thomas were enjoying this time spent together, someone knocked at the door. The Southerner quickly picked Philip up to open the door and exclaimed:

“James Madison, my old friend!!! Glad to see you, dude!”

“... Is this a baby?”

“Well obviously, yes, he is a baby. His name’s Philip!”

“Is he yours???”

“No. Well, not yet.”

“What the fuck, Thomas?”

“Shh, Vocabulary. And keep this for you but i may or may not have a crush on the dad of this kid.”

“And doesn’t said dad have a mom for his son?”

“He would actually be the mom.”

“... Oh. Then a dad to his son?”

“Nah. He’s single. And visibly hate his ex.”

“Look at how lucky you are! It’s unfair.”

“WHat can i say? I’m too fabulous to be unlucky. Destiny probably fell in love with me.”

“You weren’t saying that when you came out to your father.”

“Let’s… not talk about this.”

“Yeah right… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Come on, what are you waiting for? Come in!”

 

       James entered the dorm and smiled to Philip.

“Hi, Philip. Nice to meet you.”

“You wanna hold him while i make coffee?”

“Sure!!! You know how much i love babies.”

“Yeah and it's creepy when you say it this way.”

“Don’t say things like this!!!” James exclaimed, nearly offended.

 

          Thomas burst out in laughings.

“I won’t again, but it was too tempting to make fun of you!”

“You can talk! I’m pretty sure you’re even more crazy about Philip than i am!!”

“I have to admit you’re probably right! Okay, hold him carefully. The father said he would make my life a living hell if anything happened to his son. And as i want said dad in my life, my bed and with luck marry him later, I’d rather keep my future son safe.”

“Understood. But tell me more about this guy?”

“Sure, follow me, kitchen’s here.”

 

          They went in the kitchen and as James sat down with Philip, Thomas made the coffee.

“His name’s Alexander Hamilton. But he let me call him Alex!!”

“Wow, you’re really in love to be so happy about such a little detail, aren’t you?”

“Oh i’m madly in love, James! I never felt this way! He is so… mature! And caring with Philip, and me! Do you know he made me breakfast? He listened when i said what was my favorite breakfast and cooked it to me, twice!”

“Oh god i guess i’ll have to hear about him everytime i see you now…”

“You’re oh so right James!! Oh and the passion in his eyes when he works, when he writes… The love when he looks at Philip… The stars when he is listening to something he doesn’t know, or when he read! Goddammit he’s so perfect!!!”

“What does he look like?”

“He’s short, like, shorter than you, so very small and it’s just absolutely adorable. He has a kinda round face, very soft, intelligent eyes, the same as Philip, but his lashes are a bit longer. his mouth is not too plump nor too thin, just perfect, and a beautiful pink. He has the most cute face with the most cute freckles!!! All over his cheeks and on his nose! He has a beauty spot right under his left eye, and a small adorable nose! He wear sport shorts at home so i can affirm he has legs like wow!! They’re just perfect!! So beautiful and perfectly sculpted… Then he always wear an oversized hoodie and it’s just… aaaaaaaagh it’s so adorable i might just die from his cuteness someday!!!”

“Wow, you have it really bad. I don’t think i’ve ever seen you this way.”

“But you have to see hiiiiiim he’s so perfect!!!”

 

        James chuckled.

“Calm yourself. When is he going to be back?”

“In some minutes… But even while being with the little guy and you i miss him so badlyyyyyy…”

“Don’t be so childish. By the way… When you say he’s mature i hope he isn’t too old.”

“Absolutely not! He’s nineteen.”

“Nineteen?! But he is a father!”

“Well guess he was ready earlier than the norms, that’s all. He is so perfect, it wouldn’t surprise me.”

 

          After the coffee when they kept chatting about how helpless Thomas was and about how perfect Alexander was, they went to play with Philip in the living room, tickling him and kissing his chubby cheeks and all.

 

         And that’s when the door opened and Alexander came in with a man. A beautiful man with green eyes, curly brown hair in a ponytail and so many freckles… Which made him look a lot like Philip. And Thomas felt his world fall apart. What about Alexander  told him, that he didn’t want Philip’s biological father near him? Had he changed his mind?

“Uh… Hi Alex… So this is James, James Madison.”

“Hi, J-ames. Nice to meet you.” Alexander had some difficulties with the name, as it reminded him of bad stuffs.

“Nice to meet you Alexander.” Answered James.

“And this is John Laurens. A very good friend.” Alexander added, smiling to his new best friend.”

“Nice to meet you Thomas! Lexi told me a lot about you!!” John exclaimed.

“Eh, that’s absolutely not true!!!” Alexander denied, blushing a deep red.

 

            But Thomas wasn’t seeing the blush showing that Alexander was lying. All he noticed was the nickname this man was allowed to use, the way he seemed so close to Alexander, the way the shorter man seemed to be comfortable around him. The way John was so much just like Philip. And how Philip seemed to be glad to play with him. And at the time James and John left, he felt heartbroken as Alexander let the man kiss him on the cheek. The man who was probably Philip’s other dad.

Chapter Text

        Thomas hesitated a long time before finally asking.

“You said you didn’t want Philip’s other father near your son?”

“Uh, yeah. So what?”

“Well… Why did you brought John here, then?”

“... Seriously Thomas? I already told you the name: James Reynolds. John is my friend, and absolutely not Philip’s Dad for the good reason i had never seen him and didn’t knew him when i created my son. I can’t believe you would think he’s my ex!” Alexander giggled.

“B-but… He looks a lot like Philip…”

“It’s a coincidence. I’m super single dad.” He blushed a bit at that. Maybe it would be good to be in couple dad. In couple with Thomas dad hopefully.

“Oh… Sorry, i made conclusions too quickly…”

“It’s okay. It’s rare to see so many freckles in only someone’s face. But Philip’s freckles come from me and only me. I had more freckles when pregnant, maybe it’s the reason he has so many.”

 

         The Virginian blushed. What a good new! Alexander was free. And imagining him with even more freckles… AAAAAAAAAGH IT WOULD BE SO GODDAMN CUTE!!! He melted inside at the imaginative picture and the small man gave him a curious look.

“What are you thinking about?”

“UUUUUUUH NOTHING!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!”

“Come on, you know you can tell me.” The young man answered with the softest, cutest smile.

 

        Thomas knew how soon this was. But he couldn’t keep it secret.

“I… imagined how you would look like pregnant.”

“Oh. I have pictures… But it’s not pretty…”

“What are you talking about? It’s a picture of you and you’re the prettiest human being i know.”

“What?”

“I MEAN YOU’RE KINDA PRETTY SOOOO UUUUUH I MEAN… Yeah exactly what i said in fact…” The southerner blushed furiously.

 

          The red on Alexander’s cheeks was so obvious that Thomas couldn’t miss it. So he added, looking away from embarrassment.

“You’re a very pretty guy, Alexander... “

“T-t-thank you…”

“Y-you’re blushing?”

“I-I’M NOT!!!”

 

         Thomas couldn’t help but feel happy and confident about it.

“Well i can assure you that you ARE in fact blushing daaaaarling~”

“S-Stop making fun of me!!!”

“I think it’s cute.”

“Stop making fun, please…”

“I’m not. Look at you…”

 

         He very gently put a hand on Alexander’s cheek, who was surprised and made a very great effort in order not to take a step back or overreact at the simple touch. But Thomas noticed and his hand on the short man’s cheek got even softer when caressing softly the skin.

“You’re the most beautiful human being i’ve ever seen, and the most handsome person i’ll ever met. No matter if it is the passion in your eyes when you talk or work, the love and care you have for the ones you have close your heart, or the innocence and dreams i can see sparkling in those big, beautiful, wonderful eyes of yours, eyes that i’m getting lost in every time i spend more than a second looking at them, or the smiled you make, or the way you hair fall just perfectly around your perfect face, maybe it is the way i imagine the body i’ve never seen but i can tell you one thing. It’s early i know, but…” He took a deep breath. “Alexander Hamilton, would you make me lucky enough to be Philip’s other father, and your boyfriend? No don’t answer right now let me finish please! I will be the best dad i can, i promise to be there for Philip no matter what, i promise to help you raise him, maybe it looks like i’m not thinking before but i swear i haven’t been thinking about anything else for the past few days and i know i’m in love with you and already love Philip like my own child and-”

“Shut up Thomas, you’re talking too much.”

“I-I..I I’m so-”

“Just kiss me already you idiot.”

 

           Thomas didn’t let his surprise stop him from doing what he had wanted to do for what seemed to him like an eternity. He gently cupped Alexander’ face in his hands and softly pressed a kiss on the younger man’s lips, kissing him with all his softness and all his care for him. Thanks god, Philip had fallen asleep and James had laid him on his baby bed. They could do whatever they wanted. Alexander whispered:

“Let’s stay in the living room…”

“Sure. Can i kiss you again?”

“Better not ask everytime and just kiss me instead.”

 

            The Southerner chuckled and did as asked, kissing him softly, again and again until the softness somehow let place to passion as the immigrant wrapped his arms around his new boyfriend’s neck and as the Virginian just let his hands caress Alex’s back, Alex’s hips and Alex just let him do.

“Can i take that off, darling?”

“Ye- wait no! I mean… Can we talk first?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Of course.”

 

          He let go a bit of the young man and Alexander looked down.

“It’s not that i don’t want it…”

“Want what, love?”

“Sex…”

“Oh. We don’t have to if you-”

“Listen please. As i said, i want it. Really bad but…”

“But?”

“It’s not… pretty without my clothes.”

“As i said, i’m sure it is.”

“I have… I have a lot of scars…”

“So do i. I don’t mind. You can tell be about them whenever you’re ready, or just don’t say anything if you’re not comfortable with it. But i know it won’t change how much i love you.”

 

         The Southerner softly kissed his boyfriend’s neck.

“But we can wait. It’s up to you.”

“... I… Thank you Thomas… It means a lot to me.”

“Well it’s how a relationship works. If the two of us aren’t ready we don’t do it.”

“I am ready. I don’t wanna wait. Is it okay for you?”

“More than okay, sweetheart.”

 

         And they kissed and Thomas slowly take off his own shirt, allowing Alexander to look. And Alexander looked, blushing, voiceless at Thomas’s beauty. The Southerner smirked and took of softly Alexander’s hoodie and nearly gasped at the scars on his arms. But he didn’t want to scare the young man. So he softly took his wrists and pressed soft kisses over every scar he saw.

“Please, let me make you stop hurting yourself.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be, it’s okay. It’ll change with time. I’ll be there to help.”

 

         Then he took of Alexander’s shirt and his binder and blushed. Even binding, Alexander had a perfect chest. Firm, just the right size, the right shape… And the stretch marks, on his stomach, on his waist… It made Thomas’ feel so special for being allowed to see them.

“You’re so pretty… It looks like a map trying to help me find my way on your body, even if i keep loosing myself on the contemplation of your beauty.”

 

           He smiled at the short man’s blush and took of their jeans before kissing every single cut on his tights and smiled lovingly at his lover.

“You have freckles there too. And other lines of the perfect land you are.”

“A land?”

“The land of perfection ‘cause you’re so fucking perfect.”

 

          Alex giggled at that before moaning when Thomas kissed his neck again. As the young man was ready to put a hand on his mouth to keep himself to make noise, Thomas held his hand softly.

“You sound lovely, my dear. Let me hear you.”

“But P-Philip…”

“He is sleeping. He won’t mind, believe me. He has been playing all afternoon long.”

 

         The immigrant nodded and let Thomas kiss him, on the lips, on the neck, on his chest, on his breasts, his stomach, his legs and tights, and every kiss brought on a moan from the shorter man who was abandoning himself to his lover’s loving arms. Then, the Virginian took off his own jeans and his boxer, putting quickly the protection so he won’t be denying his soft love too long, before softly taking off his lover’s boxer off too.

“May i?”

“A-as you want…”

 

         And Thomas went to kiss what was between Alexander’s legs with pleasure, love and softness. And the young man couldn’t help but moan loudly Thomas’ name like a prayer, again and again at the pleasure he was giving him. When his young lover was wet enough, the Southerner softly came on top of him, caressing his hips with his thumbs and asked.

“Is it okay now or do you need more prep?”

“M-more please… It’s been a while…”

“Okay, love.”

 

         He softly and carefully put one finger in, moving a bit before adding another, Alexander moaning messily at the digit:

“P-please Thomas more, more…”

“Sure thing, baby, hold on.”

 

           He softly replaced his fingers by something bigger.

“Are you sure, darling?”

“More than sure, please Thomas…”

“I got you, love.”

 

           And he softly pushed in, and as slowly began to move as Alexander wrapped his arms around Thomas’ neck and his legs around his waist while the Virginian was holding his hips softly, caressing with his thumb while Alexander had to keep himself from screaming from pleasure, especially when Thomas hit that special spot. It was soft and caring and when Alexander come, moaning his name, Thomas quickly followed before pulling out.

 

          And after sex, Alexander was quite a sight. Red in the face, shaking q bit, his eyes closed… He was absolutely perfect. Thomas let himself some time, planting kisses on his lover’s face and neck before standing up to throw the protection in the trash can in the bathroom. Then he quickly grabbed a blanket, wrapping his arms around his love and wrapping the blanket around them.

“Sleep well, my love.”

 

           And even if Alexander was still asleep, the short mane gave him a small, and Thomas fell in love with him all over again before falling asleep too, the head full of his lover’s smile.

Chapter Text

         It was the knock on the door that woke up Thomas. The man yawned before looking down at his sleeping lover, smiling softly at the perfect sight of a calm Alexander, breathing peacefully, his eyes closed and his hair falling beautifully around his perfect face.

 

         And then the knock on the door brought him back into reality. He sighed, put his boxer back on and went to open. And froze when he saw his teacher, George Washington, standing tall right in front of him and staring at him and his… absence of clothes:

“Uuuuuuh… hi, sir?”

“Good evening, Thomas.” He said with a cold tone. “Is Alexander here?”

 

         And that’s when Alexander arrived, his body only hidden by the sheets wrapped around him, which let his wonderful, wonderful legs visible and Thomas felt his mouth go dry all of sudden at the sight, and at Washington disapproving look at him while the immigrant blushed furiously.

“Sir!” The short man started. “I’m really sorry some… unexpected things happened and i may need five more minutes to get ready, would you mind waiting in the living room while i… put some clothes on?”

“Absolutely not, son. Take your time. But while i’m here, Thomas, is that it? Maybe you’ll come to join us for dinner? I think we have… many things to talk about, you and me, right?”

“Uuuuuuh suuuuure siiiiir…” Answered the Virginian, unsure about what those things were.

 

         The veteran sat on the couch, waiting for everyone to get ready as Thomas and Alexander tried to be as quick as possible. Once ready, Alexander got Philip who woke up and giggled happily at George who looked in absolute awe at the baby.

“Martha won’t let you take him away after meeting him, Alexander. Your son is adorable.”

“Thanks, sir. But i’ll make sure to have my son back after dinner, don’t worry.” The immigrant smiled.

“Your… roommate is taking forever.”

“He won’t be long now.”

 

          That’s when Thomas arrived.

“Sorry i was taking so long!!!”

“Don’t worry, mister Jefferson. Let’s go then.” Answered mister Washington.

 


 

           The Washington’s house was big. Really big. Even if he had had the occasion to see some pretty big houses, Alexander had never seen one that big. And he was impressed. George smiles fondly at the short man.

“My family live have been living there for many generations now. This is something i’m very proud of.”

“Your family must be very important to have such a beautiful house, sir.”

“If you’d like, i’ll tell you their story, son.”

“I’d like that, sir! Thank you so much!”

 

            The stars in Alexander’s eyes when the young man knew he will learn new things was so wonderful that Thomas was almost jealous of his teacher for making them sparkle this way. But then a woman opened the door, kissing George with affection before grabbing Alexander by the shoulders and planting a kiss on each of his cheeks.

“Alexander Hamilton, right? George talked me a lot about you, young man! But I’d love you to give me all the details! You can call me Martha, of course. Or mom!! Awwww and this is Philip? HI little guy!!! Can I take him please? I’ll be very careful!”

“Yeah, sure, ma’am.” Answered the short man, smiling kindly to the woman in front of him while giving her Philip with all the softness in the world.

 

           He felt so comfortable around the Washingtons already. They seemed so kind and caring! Almost like… Parents with their child. And their grandchild who were looking at their grandchild. This love in their look was so new for Alexander, he had only known it for six months. Since his son came to the world, because it was the same look in his eyes when he smiled to his son, and he knew it.

 

           Soon after they were all inside the house and if Alexander followed Martha with Philip, Thomas wasn’t escaping his little discussion with mister Washington. The tall man was still shorter than his teacher, who was very imposing, looking him right in the eyes and asked him with a very serious tone.

“Are you Alexander’s boyfriend?”

“Uh… Since this afternoon?”

“... Did you sleep with him?”

“I think it’s none of your business, sir…”

“You don’t assume the fact that you slept with him, young man?”

“O-of course i do assume this!!!”

“So you really did sleep with him?!”

“I uh… Yes, so what? We’re together now!”

“You two just started your relationship, right?”

“Yes…”

“It’s a bit early don’t you think so?”

“We both wanted it, so no i don’t think so!”

“Do you know anything about his ex boyfriend, young man?”

“Yes of course i does!”

“Then go ahead, i’m listening!”

“Uh… Alex doesn’t like him at all.”

“And?”

“He doesn’t want him near his son.”

“And?”

“And… Uh…”

“You know nothing. You don’t know half of what Alexander has been through.”

“So what?! Don’t pretend to know more than i do!”

“But I do. Listen, it may seems like i’m telling you what you should or should not do, but it’s not just that. I just care a lot about Alexander because i’ve known about his story. I talked to him before the year started. I still don’t know everything that happened and is still happening in his mind, but this ma carry scars and a past too heavy for his own well being. If you can help him feel better, carry the weight of his past with him, make him happy, make him smile and raise his child in the best conditions, i have no problem with that. But if you ever add to his pain, make him suffer, if you ever hurt him, i may not be his father or a member of his family, but as i have for him the same affection a father has toward his own child, i swear to God i would not let you near him ever again, i wouldn’t let you touch him, or talk to him ever again. I would make sure you would regret it every second of your life. Understood?”

“Y-yes. But don’t worry sir. I wasn’t planning hurting him in any way.”

“Then we should get on well.”

“I guess…”

 


 

            Meanwhile, Alexander and Martha were having a friendly discussion.

“So! I heard your story from George. All the abuse, your mother’s death, the Foster system, James Reynold if i remember well… The pregnancy, the dysphoria, the depression, the hurting, the attempts… But how are you feeling now?”

“It’s slowly getting better. Compared to what i was living or when i just left James while pregnant… A lot better. I am able to fight back now. I am able to feel loved, by the few friends i made, by my son, by Thomas…”

“Is Thomas this handsome man you brought?” Martha smirked.

“Uh, yeah… I think George is giving him a talk…?” Alexander asked, blushing.

“Probably! I haven’t really seen you before now but i really do love you. As if you were my son. And i know it’s the same for him. And a father usually want to protect his child, you know about that, right? Philip is lucky to have you as a dad. You do love him a lot, right?”

“More than anything in this life.”

“Then you see how much George care for you. He has this urge to protect you, it’s absolutely adorable, you should see him talk about you as if he was proud of his son! As we can’t have any child we kinda adopted you, sorry.” She giggled.

“Well… I never had a real dad and my mom wasn’t very… loving, so i guess i’ll agree to give it a try?”

“Thank you Alexander. You really are a kind boy, aren’t you?”

“Thanks, ma’am.”

“You’re so polite! But i heard you are able to bite when you have to?”

“I had to learn… James tried to make me forget how to but i’ll get that back, don’t worry. I just need time. Well… I still do it when it’s really necessary.”

“You won the process against you ex boyfriend to keep Philip, didn’t you? You were your own lawyer, if i remember well?”

“Yeah… I kinda have a way with words. And how could i not fight with all my strength when my son depends on this? I have to be strong. I can’t be weak. I have a son to raise and protect, i have to provide for his life, i have to finish my studies with the best results i can get to get a job that would-”

“You’re still so young, Alexander…”

“An age is just a number.”

“Sure, but just know you can rely on George and me. We’ll always be on your side, we’ll always be there for you. For if you need advice, money, a place to live. This house is way too big for just two persons. You don’t even have to warn us before coming. Our door will always be open to you and your son.”

“Thanks ma’am… But i don’t wanna bother-”

“Alexander. I consider you as my son. You’ll never be a bother. I’ll be more than glad to see you. Talking about this… If it’s okay for you, i’d like to take care of Philip when you’re in classes. I can come to get him in the morning and bring him back when the classes end?”

“Uh? Are you sure, ma’am?”

“Of course! I wanna spend time with your wonderful baby. Plus i feel so lonely during the day… And it’s probably not easy to take care of him while being in class. As tomorrow is Sunday you can explain me all i need to know, or even tonight. And you can also call me when you want me to take care of Philip to spend time with your tall, muscular, handsome boyfriend~”

 

          Alexander blushed, but nodded.

“If you’re okay with this, i’ll be more than glad to accept your help, ma’am. Thanks a lot.”

“Thanks to you, Alexander!”

 

           They smiled to each other. Yes, Martha was without a doubt the way he would have love his mother to care about him and love him.

Chapter Text

         After their respective little chats, everyone went to take dinner. The meal was good. Very good, and Alexander found himself enjoying it so much he received those loving looks from the Washingtons, and Thomas seemed surprised to see him eating so well.

“Wow, Alexander! I must be such a bad cooker for you refusing to eat as much when i’m the one making dinner!”

“That’s… No, i mean, you cook very well too, it’s just…”

“Now that i know you can eat as much, i’ll make sure you eat correctly from now! And i won’t accept any objections, darling.”

“But…”

“No, you’ll eat three meals a day since now, and as many sweets as you want. I saw everything, and you’re skinny enough to eat as much as you want and still be perfect. You can be chubby it would be the same, tho. But i want you to eat enough for your well-being.”

“... Fine… But you had no obligation to precise that you saw everything , the detail wasn’t necessary.” The short man blushed.

“Whaaaaat? But i think some people here are more than happy to know the details… Plus i wasn’t that precise. But i can be if you want me to~”

“YES PLEASE!!!” Exclaimed Martha.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” Exclaimed Alexander and George at the same time.

 

             And as Thomas and the woman were laughing, the immigrant was very red in the face and the veteran was wondering why his pure cinnamon roll Alexander decided to love such and embarrassing man as Thomas Jefferson.

“Philip is six months-old, right?” Asked George.

“Exact.” Answered Alexander.

“Were you still with James during the pregnancy?”

“No… I ran away when i figured out i was pregnant.”

“But how did you do? I mean… Where did you find a place to live and all the means necessary?”

“I’d rather not talk about this right now? Please?”

“Yeah, of course, we’re sorry Honey.” Martha cut as George was about to protest that it was important. “So! Philip will soon say his first words and make his first steps, right??”

“Absolutely!!! I can’t wait! It’s gonna be so… amazing!” Replied the immigrant with stars in his eyes. “He’ll start the first or the other in more or less two months, if i remember the books.”

“Oh, it’s true, no one taught you… Well yes, what are you hoping will come first???”

“Dunno, I’ll be super happy anyway!! But maybe the words? I can’t wait to hear him call me ‘dad’!!!”

“George can’t wait to hear you call him ‘dad’ too!” Exclaimed Martha, laughing.

 

         The veteran blushed, a bit embarrassed.

“I never said that.”

“Liar!!!” Answered his wife.

“Anyway!! Did Martha talked to you about the fact that she wanted to know if you would agree to let her take care of Philip during classes?”

“Oh, yes, it would be a lot easier and all. But I want to insist on this: I wanna see my son as often as possible. So I’ll pick him up right after classes and if you wanna see him during weekends I’ll be there too. I don’t… I don’t wanna miss anything.”

“We understand, and it’s totally okay.” Assured the woman, smiling softly to the short man.

“Let’s do things this way, then.” Confirmed the teacher.

 


 

           After eating, Alexander had some time alone with Martha again. He explained her everything she needed to know. Philip’s allergies, Philip’s favorite toys, what Philip liked and what he didn’t like, what he needed to sleep, how to hold him for meals, etc. and Martha listened to him, taking notes of every details as it seemed very, very important to Alexander. Then Thomas and Alexander said ‘goodbye’ before walking back to their dorm with baby Philip who was deep asleep.

 

        They got there in silence, but when Philip was in his bed, Thomas took Alexander’s hand softly and asked with a gentle voice.

“Darling? I know i should probably just wait you to come to tell me everything but are you okay with talking to me about your ex?”

“Is it really important, right now…?”

“I think so… But if you’re too tired, we can talk about it tomorrow… If you’re okay with telling me, sorry, it’s just that i really wanna know.”

“... Okay, so what do you wanna know exactly?”

“What’s his name again?”

“James. James Reynolds.”

“How and when did you meet?”

“I was… fourteen, i was in the Foster System but i met him in my way from work.”

“From work?”

“I had to start working soon. A job, because i didn’t want to depend on anyone. A family could decide it didn’t want to take care of me anymore without telling the Foster house so i had to fend for myself.”

“Wh-Seriously?! What kind of moth-!!”

“If you’re gonna react this way at everything i say we’ll never go to sleep. Just listen the answer please.”

“Yeah, right, sorry.”

“So i was coming back from work and some other teens, maybe young adults too, were mean to me, because of who my mom was, because i used to never shut my mouth and i already knew and came out as a boy. The gossips are quick to arrive to everyone’s ears there.”

“Shi-”

“Thomas, please.”

“Sorry sorry! It just… Really makes me mad! You’re so… deserving of love and respect, i can’t understand how… Argh, just continue. I’ll try to shut up.”

“Thanks. So, as i was saying, they were being like, really mean, and then he arrived. He kinda told them to fuck off, but in a way that made them actually obey. He asked me if i was okay and brought me to his house to take care of my bruises and kinda-”

“Bruises?! They hurt you?!”

“Thomas, how am I supposed to tell you anything if you keep interrupting me?” Alexander asked, sighting.

“Sorry, but… … Keep going.”

“So. He kinda told me that it wasn’t the first time he saw me, and was like, very kind, telling me all those sweet things, how he found cool the fact that i was so passionate, that i never let people make me shut up, and all. No one had ever been so kind to me before, and we started hanging out more and more frequently until I fell in love with him. Deeply in love. He asked me to be his lover, and i said yes and quickly enough i went to live with him, so i wasn’t in the Foster house anymore, and spend more time with him. At first it was really perfect: i was keeping my job, because i really did love the job and appreciated my boss a lot. I was allowed to go out whenever i wanted, until night, i tasted freedom everyday. I was loved, he was caring, always telling me sweet nothings, sometimes buying me sweets or other gifts. I had never been so happy before this.”

“Wait… You were fourteen?”

“Yes. But he was older, like, eighteen?”

“Whaaaat? This can’t possibly be legal!”

“It was, because we didn’t do anything before i was fifteen. Anyway, no one cared about our age gap.”

“But when you were fifteen…”

“It’s… complicated. The fact is that he was just the perfect boyfriend and he just… He got me helpless.”

“But then… Why do you hate him now?”

“That’s a very long story, especially if you wanna know everything.”

“I wanna know everything.”

“Then let’s finish this tomorrow, i’m exhausted… I haven’t sleep for a few days now…”

“What?! Why?!”

“I have work to do. And so many things to do with so little time do to them.”

“That’s definitely not a good excuse! Go change yourself and let’s go to sleep immediately! Is it okay if we share the same bed?”

“Uh, yeah sure.”

 

            Thomas looked just so happy to share the bed that Alexander couldn’t help but smile too and quickly changed before joining his lover, who held him close. Here, with the warmth of his kind boyfriend, the short man found himself asleep quite quickly.


Chapter Text

For the first time, when he woke up, Thomas could admire his sleeping boyfriend. He was absolutely adorable, here, cuddled to him, as close as he wanted to the tall man, peacefully, his mouth slightly opened and his cheeks a bit pink. He kinda looked like the most adorable kitten in the world, curled up in a ball close to him this way, and the Virginian was in awe. Very softly to not wake up the small man, he caressed his hair, playing with the silky locks and brushing his cheeks carefully with tenderness.

It was all calm, peaceful, until Philip began to cry. That woke up Alexander, of course, who stood up quickly to pick up the baby and go to feed him in the kitchen. Thomas sighted, not sure if he could come to join them. Maybe his boyfriend would be uncomfortable. Maybe the immigrant wanted some time alone with his son. So he went to take a shower, taking his time. He was cleaning himself when someone small hugged his back, someone naked and even if he only had touched it once, he would recognize this perfect chest against his back anywhere and anytime. He smiled fondly.
“So you’re joining me, Alex?”
“Does it bother you?”
“Of course not, darling. How’s Philip?”
“He fell asleep right after I fed him, so he’s in his bed now. He seemed pretty good.”
“Good to know. Can I turn around to see you, sweetheart?”

Alexander let go so Thomas could watch him with just so much love in his eyes it made the short man blushed. The Southerner chuckled.
“You’re cute when you blush.”
“I-I’m not blushing…”
“I can tell you are, but if you say so maybe I should try to make you blush?” The tall man smirked.

The younger man seemed to consider before smirking back.
“I guess you’ll have to try, Thomas.”
“I see… So morning sex?”
“Do you want to?”
“I’d love to.”
“What a coincidence! Me too. So what are you waiting for?”
“For a kiss, actually.” Thomas giggled.
“Well, come get it! I can’t reach your lips!” His lover whined.

The Virginian giggled before bending over to plant a soft kiss on Alexander’s lips. Then another kiss. And another kiss. And another kiss, each time more passionate until they were kissing with desire and need, Thomas’ hands on the immigrant’s hips, on his butt, discovering again the shapes he loved so much. His kisses went from Alexander’s mouth to his neck, making him moan when the tall man sucked a hickey on the sensitive skin. Then, the Southerner picked his boyfriend up, his hands both on the perfect ass.
“Better like this, sweetie, don’t you think so?”
“I have eyes, i see that you’re tall, you don’t need to show it as soon as you have an occasion to, my dear.”
“But it’s so adorable, you’re so small…”
“Stop with my height or I’ll change my mind, Thomas.” The short man joked.

And it worked. Instead of talking, the Virginian kissed him with passion, leaning on the wall.
“Do we have everything we need, Alex?”
“Put me down, and I’ll get it.”
“But I don’t wanna let you go… Tell me where it is, so I’ll get it. With my precious and handsome boyfriend still in my arms, hmm?”
“That works for me.” Alexander smiled brightly.

And with the younger man’s indication Thomas got the protections, and they were just laughing so hard because he was walking naked with naked Alexander in his arms and with the way Alexander had wrapped his arms around Thomas’ neck Thomas couldn’t see anything and was groaning something like “I can’t take my eyes off you darling” and goddamnit they were just so happy and when they finally got what they actually needed, instead of going back to the bathroom, the Southerner laid his lover on the bed, crawling on top of him and planting kisses on his sensitive neck, making him moan.

He showered his boyfriend with love, kissing his breasts, caressing them softly, brushing his stomach with his fingertips before kissing it too, going lower and lower until… Alexander gasped, clinging to the sheets, moaning his name and god, if this didn’t make Thomas feel so lucky and excited… He continued, while the short man was making the most wonderful noises the Virginian had ever heard. When he stopped what his mouth was doing, it was to kiss the younger man again who whined through the kiss.
“T-Thomas, please…”
“I got you, baby.”

He put on the protection before joining them, and Thomas waited, just enjoying the sensation to make one with Alexander, whispering sweet nothings to his lover’s ear, taking his hand softly and intertwining their fingers. And only after a while, he started moving slowly, loving Alexander softly, kissing his neck and his mouth breathlessly, interrupting the moaning momentarily. It was a mix of softness, tenderness, care and love and both of them enjoyed every bit of it. And when it ended, the short man was clinging to Thomas, screaming his name with pleasure. They waited again before the Southerner pulled out slowly, stood up to throw the protection before coming back, lying close to his lover, caressing his cheek lovingly and kissing him again.

The small immigrant smiled fondly and whispered.
“God this was very good.”
“I agree, honey, you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”
“Thanks, you’re too.”
“Talking about that… Can i hear the end of the story?”
“Right after sex? Really?”
“No, you’re right, after breakfast. Were you planning on going out today?”
“No, why?”
“‘Cause then you can just wear comfy clothes today! And no binder, okay?”
“Yeah, no binder. My chest need some rest…”
“Perfect then! … Do you want one of my shirts?”
“Are you in this kind of stuffs like, making me wear your clothes which are way oversized for me?”
“Nearly all your shirts are oversized anyway. Plus you look adorable with them. Plus… Please?”
“Alright alright, just bring me the shirt before I catch a cold. Ah, what won’t I do for you?”
“Thank you darling!!!”

And Thomas was quick to bring a shirt to Alexander, a forest green shirt which made him look just so adorable that the Virginian had hearts in his eyes. The immigrant smirked.
“Well, I’m not exactly complaining but are you planning on staying naked all day, my dear?”
“Like what you see, uh?”
“Yeah. But I’d rather have you in good health anyway. I’m cold just by watching you. Even if you’re hot like hell.”
“Okay okay,” Thomas chuckled, butting a shirt and sweatpants too. “I’ll cook us breakfast, pancakes?”
“It’s been an eternity since I had pancakes for breakfast.”
“On it!”

The Southerner went to the kitchen to prepare those pancakes, followed by Alexander who asked:
“Do you want me to help?”
“Well, you can make coffee if you want?”
“Alright.”

After cooking, they sat together to enjoy the meal, smiling happily to each other.

 

Chapter Text

         When they finished their meal, Thomas asked.

“So? Is now okay to talk about this?”

“Yeah, right. So, where did i stop?”

“He got you helpless and all was perfect.”

“Right. So I was enjoying a whole new level of freedom. But soon enough he said he didn’t want me to go out at certain moments, then at certain places, and started to say he didn’t want me to make friends with other guys. At first I didn’t see why not, as long as I had books and could go to work I was okay with all this. But then he said he didn’t want me to work, because ‘works about economics are not for girls’.”

“What the heck?”

“That’s exactly what I said. And added that I wasn’t a girl anyway. He apologized, explaining that he didn’t say it well and that he just didn’t want me to be tired after work so he could enjoy more time with me at night. So I agreed and stayed at our house at first. But I was bored. So i went out. And when i got back home he was mad. Really mad. I had never seen him like this before. He started yelling those things that made me feel guilty and shitty. And I apologized and tried to justify myself. He then apologized for talking so loudly, but that it made him feel sad, that he thought i had wanted to leave him. And i assured him that i wasn’t leaving, that i loved him and couldn’t live without him. He said those horrible words and I just forgave him, because he just looked so vulnerable and I thought it was a proof of his love. I thought that I would just have to stay home and that he won’t be mad at me like this anymore. But I was wrong.”

“What happened…?”

“Well I gave him the proof of my too deep love for him. So he started saying words that were mean, as a joke, more and more often, to make comments about the way I looked, what i used to wear, my hair, my body. About how silly I was, and stuffs. And everytime I tried to defend myself he got angry, saying how selfish and ungrateful I was, how I didn’t have any sense of humor, that I was too serious when i wasn’t laughing with him. Slowly I began to stop trying to defend myself, I just let it go, everytime, laughing when he wanted me to, just staying quiet when i would have yelled at him before. And it got worse and worse, because with time I had less and less self-esteem. From just staying quiet I began to let him choose what i would wear, let him decide that i would let my hair grow, let him decide that I was too fat and had to lose weight in order to be beautiful, to put makeup and dresses and jewels to be pretty and lovable. It didn’t matter how I felt, I just… didn’t want him to leave me, and to be the less angry at me possible. And I… wasn’t me anymore.”

“That’s horrible!!! What an asshole! What would you want to be love by a jerk like this?!”

“Because I had no one… Plus it wasn’t so bad. That what I thought. He was still kind, sometimes. Complimenting me when I was wearing his favorite dress, when I did what he wanted me to do. Plus he had never been physically violent. But then again, he changed. When he was mad, he used to grab me, holding my arm tightly, for example. So tightly it would leave marks. But he had never beaten me, but then again, he started. I was confused, and I had such a low self-esteem with time that I thought I deserved it. And with his words again, he made me feel like it was my fault. He asked me to do more and more things I didn’t want to do and everytime I said yes, and when I didn’t he just used to get mad again, being each time more violent, forcing me to do those things if I kept saying that I didn’t want.”

“Wha-”

“And because of something he forced me to do I ended up pregnant.”

“Wha- Is this how Philip…?”

“No.”

“No? But then…”

“I thought he would become the man I fell in love with again. At first it was. He was all soft and kind again and I was just so glad! But he started again. And it even got worse, and… I lost the baby. I was sixteen.”

 

         Thomas was speechless. How could someone do that…? Especially to the one they said they loved? And when said person was pregnant with their baby? He wanted to punch this man he didn’t even know very bad. He felt heartbroken at the idea of Alexander suffering like this, by words or violence or anything. With a broken voice, he asked to the small man:

“C-can me take a break? And… Can i hug you please?”

“Yes, please.”

 

         The Virginian did so, holding him tightly, with tenderness, submerged with an urge to protect him, comfort him, let him know that he was okay now, that it would not happen ever again, that he was safe with him. And that’s when the younger man, who had been keeping calm broke up and started to sob, his face hidden against his boyfriend’s chest, and Thomas held him tighter.

“Shhhhh it’s okay now love, he will never hurt you again. I’m here, I’ll protect you.”

“S-she would have been a babygirl… I-I was six months pregnant… I would have called her Rachel…”

“I’m so sorry, love…”

 

          And as he heard his dad cry, Philip followed. Alexander wiped his tears quickly and went to pick his son from the crib to shush him, not sobbing anymore, being bravely calm to calm down his little sunshine. The Southerner looked at his boyfriend with concern.

“Do you want me to take care of him right now?”

“No, it’s okay, thanks.”

“... Did you said with him even after… this?”

“... Yes, unfortunately. I’m sorry but… can i talk about the rest of this another time? It’s… hard to say.”

“Yeah, of course. Just cuddles and love for the rest of the day, it’s also hard to listen.”

“Do you even know want to know the end of the story?”

“I think it’s important. I wanna know what can makes you uncomfortable to avoid it, i wanna know your insecurities to reassure you, i wanna know your story, because it would help me understand you. I wanna be the person you lean on, I wanna be the best boyfriend I can be, I wanna make you happy and safe and comfortable, just as I want it for Philip too. I wanna share your smiles, your laughs, but also your pains, your tears, I wanna be a supportive person for the one I love. I wanna be there for you, Alexander.”

“... Thank you, Thomas. That means a lot.

“No problem, I’m only speaking the truth. And if you still have a low self-esteem, I wanna make you confident, too. Wanna see you shine with confidence, wanna see how you do to never shut your mouth, how magnificent you must be when you’re fighting for your ideas. I saw the passion you have when you work, study, write, defend your son, and I find it wonderful. You are wonderful and I’m really mad that someone told you otherwise. And I think I’m the luckiest man in the universe to get to be your boyfriend, and Philip’s dad.”

“... I love you, Thomas… So so much.”

“I love you too, Alex. Come here, handsome man.”

 

           Alexander did as asked and the Virginian wrapped his arms around him and the baby, hugging them softly, warmly. It would be okay now. Thomas would make everything okay.

Chapter Text

           After spending the afternoon playing with Philip, when the little guy was finally asleep, Thomas had the good idea to prepare a bath for both Alexander and himself. But Alexander insisted that he wanted to prepare it himself, so Thomas could do his homework. And when the Virginian arrived in the bathroom, he was left speechless. The tub was filled with bubbles and smelled like linden, and all around were several perfumed candles.

“Wow! This. Is. Awesome!”

“Thanks Thomas. But it’s not perfect yet.”

“What do you mean darling?”

“There isn’t my fucking hot naked boyfriend in it.” The small man smirked.

 

         The Southerner smirked back before stripping down in front of his lover, slowly, just to tease him while the short man looked with admiration the perfect body in front of him.

“God I’d love to have such a perfect chest.”

“Well, you can have it. Wanna touch?”

“Absolutely. Can I?”

“Of course, darling.”

 

          Alexander happily came to caress and kiss Thomas’ chest who started to groan.

“That feels good, Honey…”

“Want me to continue, my dear?”

“Do so please…”

 

        And he did, going lower and lower, but stopped right before going under his waist, making the Virginian whine.

“We are here to take a bath, Thomas, remember.” Alexander teased.

“Okay okay… Then strip yourself too, I wanna see this beautiful body of yours.”

“My body is beautiful?”

“So much more than that. Come on please let me see perfection, please....

 

          The immigrant giggled and did as asked slowly, as a revenge. Thomas put his hands softly on his waist, whispering in a loving voice.

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, you look so small and fragile, but yet you’re so strong and passionate… I want you to be able to live as the fascinating paradox you are, darling. Allow yourself to be weak and to lean on me. I know that it is a lot to ask, and you can take your time of course. But you can trust me, Love.”

“I’m not strong, Thomas.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not strong. No matter how hard I try, I’m never strong enough. Little things can hurt me so easily, everything feels just so heavy, I still hope I can just give up but I can’t, and I have to fight without the strength I need. I’m not strong. I’m scared. I still wanna cry over the past, I steel feel like I’m worthless and useless and it’s painful. I still cry, I still feel pain and fear, I’m not strong.”

“Darling. You have sensibility. That’s not being weak. It’s a strength. A strength that help you understand people, understand the world. It makes you beautiful. It’s making you human. It helps you express yourself. It’s what give you this talent for writing. It’s one of the things that makes you special.”

“It makes me fragile. Most of humans are selfish, they hurt people in order to not be hurt, if someone is in their way they crush them and leave them behind, they get close to you just to betray you later. Humanity isn’t that beautiful. This world is not beautiful. Sure, they are exceptions, and being cruel or manipulative, or being a coward is being human, so how can we blame people for this… Knowing this, seeing this is really unpleasant and hurtful.”

“You know… Without sadness you wouldn’t be able to be comforted. Without fear you wouldn’t know what being brave is. Being brave is taking your fears face to face and fight them. Without feelings you wouldn’t know love, without unhappiness you wouldn’t value how great it is to feel joy. Maybe you just need a little help to see this light hiding in the darkness?”

“Are you planning to be a writer or something?”

“Uh? Why?”

“You’re pretty good with words, you know.”

“Oh. Thanks. I don’t know, maybe? We’ll see.”

“Anyway. Let’s take this bath?”

“Good idea!”

 

         Thomas smiled softly and grabbed Alexander’s hand softly before leading him to the tub where they sat, the short man sat between the Virginian’s legs, his back laying on his lover’s chest and the Southerner’s arms wrapped around him. The younger man whispered.

“I’ve never been to school before College.”

“What, really?!”

“Yes. I just passed the exam to enter in this school with a scholarship. I learnt by myself.”

“My smart, clever boyfriend is an autodidact. Wow, you’re more and more impressing.”

“My mother just didn’t have the means or the wish to send me at school, and I couldn't go in the Foster system neither. And let’s not talk about my ex boyfriend.”

“Yeah, let’s not talk about this asshole before some time please.”

“I agree with this idea.”

“Are you planning on going somewhere for the next holidays?”

“Uh? I don’t think so… Why?”

“Cause my mama wanted to meet you and asked me if you wanted to join us during the next holidays, with Philip. In Monticello.”

“Oh. You told about me to your mother?”

“My mother s .”

“You told about me to your mothers?”

“Do you know how much I love you or do I have to tell it?”

“Well tell me whenever you want, I love to hear it. But why so suddenly?”

“Usually people freak out about me having two mothers.”

“Well, Philip has two dads, I don’t see why it should be a problem you having two moms?”

“I still love you so much tho.”

“Love you too, my dearest.”

“So? Is that a yes?? Are you coming with me to Monticello???”

“Hmmm let me think about it… Just kidding. Of course I’m coming, I’d love to meet your mamas.”

“Yaaaay! Mama’s gonna be so glad!”

“Does she knows I’m…”

“You’re?”

“Trans?”

“Do you want me to tell her? Because I didn’t but it’s up to you.”

“Nah, don’t tell her, please… I don’t wanna make this awkward.”

“She’ll understand. They ’ll understand.”

“I have no doubt about it. I just wanna avoid some kinds of questions. As long as she know I’m a boy that’s all that mattered.”

“Well she’d heard about the word ‘boyfriend’ so many times she must be absolutely sure that you’re a boy and she won’t ask you anything if you don’t bring up the subject. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks, Thomas. Did you talk to her about Philip too?”

“Yep! She can’t wait to meet him neither! She loves babies so much, she’s already so proud to be a grandmother! You should have heard her in the phone, crying that her babyboy had grown so fast.” He laughed.

“Oh god I wanna see this!” Alexander laughed too. “I think that those holidays are gonna be reaaaally interesting!”

“For sure! We won’t get bored!”

“As long as I’m with you I can’t get bored. If I have nothing to do, I’ll just keep looking at you and loving everything about you, and it will take all my attention in a way I won’t think about being bored. You’re always occupying such a part of my mind!”

“Awwww you’re so romantic!”

“Well I have competition with your poetry!”

“I’m so ridiculously in love with you, how could I not be as ridiculously saying my love for you?”

“Hey, poetry isn’t ridiculous. You aren’t ridiculous saying how you love me. It’s beautiful, Thomas. It makes me feel happy, makes my cheeks become red, gives me butterflies, your words make me lost in my own mind in the same way I get lost in your eyes.”

“I love you, Alexander.”

“Love you too, Thomas.”

Chapter Text

              What came next was dinner. They cooked a great meal together, while Thomas kept talking about how his mothers were so cool but so embarrassing sometimes, especially when he had invited his exes to Monticello. But then the mood got a bit darker.

“Alexander, can I ask you something?”

“Hmm? Yes?”

“Those scares in your back… Was it…?”

“Some of them.”

“And… the others?”

“Various other persons.”

“Please, tell me?”

“Well… There is James, the other kids in Nevis, with the Foster system too… And… Others.”

“Who are the others, darling?”

“Please Thomas, not now…”

“Yeah, of course, sorry, it’s just… It makes me mad that people hurt you.”

“I know… But they are old scars. I’m okay now.”

“It’s still not okay that they used to hurt you.”

“Come on Thomas. You’re here now, I’m safe, am I not?”

“Of course you are. I won’t let any asshole hurt you, believe me on this.”

“My hero.” Alexander giggled.

“Your savior and knight.” Added Thomas, laughing too. “Well let’s talk about something else then. How do you do to be so attentive in classes???”

“I’ve always loved to learn, and it’s so interesting! How could I not listen in class?”

“Fair enough. And how do you work that much when you raise Philip?”

“I’ve always had to take care of many things. I’m used to it. Studying is a chance, raising Philip is a privilege and working is necessary to live.”

“You’re so young and already so mature… I feel so childish now.”

“... I’d like to be childish sometimes… But I never had the possibility to. Would you teach me? Please?”

“Teach you how to be childish??”

“Teach me how to take life less seriously. To have fun. To enjoy, to see how lucky I am to be alive right now. To see what durable happiness feels like. Please?”

“Of course! And will you learn me how to be mature? To be a good student, a dad as good as you?”

“Deal.” The short man smiled.

“I already feel less childish, wow! You’re so good at brightening up my day Sweetheart!”

“I could say the same of you, my dear.” The immigrant winked.

 

         And they laughed before cleaning up the table. Then Thomas went to bed, but Alexander had decided he had work to do.

“Come on Alex, come to sleep…”

“Not now, there is something I want to finish first.”

“But pleeeeaaaaase… I wanna sleep with my cute boyfriend…”

“I won’t come earlier because you call me cute, Thomas.”

“I at least had to try… Come on babe, please… What the heck I gotta do for you to come to bed?”

“I’ll come when my work is finished. You go to bed.”

“You’ll come in the same bed as me?”

“Yes.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Alright then. But don’t be too long, please… I’ll miss you so so much…”

“Okay okay, I’ll do my best.”

 

          The Virginian kissed his lover softly on the lips before going to bed. Alexander started writing. He wanted to write at least a chapter, and he would do it. Plus he had been having this idea in his head since a few hours. He was quick to write, but stopping writing was way harder to him. After a chapter, he wrote another, and another; before noticing it was a bit late and that he had made a promise. He closed his laptop, turning it off, before going to bed, where the Southerner was waiting for him, smiling fondly.

“You didn’t see the time when you were writing, did you?”

“Sorry…”

“It’s okay. You’re so passionate when you write, it’s very lovable.”

“Thanks I guess.”

“Come on, my arms are waiting for the most beautiful human being to cuddle.”

 

            Alexander giggled and climbed the bed to come in Thomas’ arms, who started cuddling. It felt warm and comfortable. Plus Thomas smelled good. And the short man stuck his feet to Thomas’ ones. Thomas let out a yelp.

“Your feet are frozen!!!”

“Hmmmm yours are sooooo so warm…”

“Ah! You’re the devil, Alexander! You couldn’t be satisfied by stealing my heart, you had to freeze my feet too! Poor lover that I am, I can’t even tell you to stop because your smile is way to adorable for me to say no!”

“Oh my god you’re so dramatic!” The younger man giggled.

“You love it don’t you?”

“True.” The short man nodded, smiling lovingly to his boyfriend.

“That’s it! That smile. I wanna see you smile like this forever. But only to me or your child. Else I’ll get jealous.”

“And what would you do if you got jealous?”

“I’ll give you my special attack: the special mix of super powerful loving hugs and kisses!!!”

 

          And saying that, the tall man planted small quick kisses on the crook of his partner in love, wrapping his arms around his waist so he couldn’t run away, making him laugh.

“Aaaaah stop, stop, i’m sensitive there, it tickles! Thomaaaaas stoooop!! Okay okay I surrender! But stoooop pleeeaaaase!”

“Never!!!”

“Thomaaaaas!”

 

            But the Virginian can’t say no to the small man. So he stopped the kisses, planting one last soft, warm kiss there, forcing a moan out of Alexander’s mouth.

“Hmm? Want more Honey?”

“Not tonight, please…”

“Of course, darling. You wanna sleep? Talk?”

“Do you sing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.”

“A bit, why?”

“I usually don’t, except for Philip. I used to sing for myself, or when I was alone tho.”

“I bet you have the prettiest voice. Like the birds in the morning.”

“My voice is too high pitched.”

“I love your voice. It’s not too high pitched, it’s kinda deep, just not too much. It’s wonderful. It’s melodious. Eeeespecially when you moan my name, darling.” He smirked.

 

             Alexander couldn’t help but giggle at this.

“Oh my god Thomas, seriously?”

“I love when you scream it too, Honey.” He winked.

“Pfff, well, that’s unfair.”

“Unfair?”

“You never moaned my name, dear.”

“Is that so?”

“Wanna try?”

“You’ll have to help.”

“I know exactly what to do, do I have your permission?”

“Anytime, Love.”

 

          The small man went under the covers and oh . Thomas couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of this pretty, warm, wet mouth on him. He groaned, lowly, but progressively louder and louder as the short man kept doing. Finally he whined his name before coming. Breathless, he looked at his lover coming out of the blankets, smirking, licking his lips with a lustful and amused look.

“I heard my name.”

“I said it.”

“You moaned it, dear. And it was wonderful, I understand why you love it when i do the same.”

“Right. And I have to say, babe. Your mouth is amazing.”

“I know, thanks. Know that it’s all yours, and only yours.”

“Hmmmm I love this idea, Honey.”

 

               They laughed together before Thomas kissed his boyfriend, tasting himself on the pretty lips.

“I think I’m tired now, I’m gonna sleep. Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight, my dearest.”

 

             They cuddled to each other and fast enough, they were both sleeping in each other arms.

Chapter Text

          The sun wasn’t here yet. He was still sleeping, but Alexander had woken up early. But the short man didn’t dare to move. Waking up James earlier meant more bruises, and Alexander already had enough of them. On his back, on his sides, his arms, his legs, his stomach, even his face. He could feel them aching. But he didn’t dare to move in order to find a more comfortable position. He waited.

 

          Finally, James woke up. But Alexander wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing as he started to feel fear, then disgust and shame when his boyfriend’s hand started to caress his tight. The taller man smirked.

“See? You didn’t regret last night, did you?”

“N-no.”

“You loved it, didn’t you? You’re always such a slut for me, aren’t you, babygirl?”

 

            It hurt. Every word. The short man felt the tears coming and kept looking down. Because if James saw that he was about to cry, he would get mad. James didn’t like crybabies.

“What are you waiting for, Alexia?! Go make breakfast, dammit! Do I still have to tell you everything?! Are you THAT stupid?!” Exclaimed the taller man.

“S-sorry, I’ll make it right now…”

 

           And he did. He was hungry, but it wasn’t a good idea to eat breakfast. HE was fat enough without it, as James said. And James was right, Alex knew it. He knew how ugly he was, how fat he was, how stupid he was, how ungrateful he was. How worthless and useless he was. He was lucky that James still wanted him. After all, a few beats were legitimate, he couldn’t blame James. He knew how unbearable he was, so it was his own fault, and if he was loved, even a little bit, then it wasn’t so much to pay for it.

 

             When he finished to cook, he quickly went to bring the meal to James.

“Finally! Why did you take so long?! You’re definitely useless at an exceptional level!”

“Sorry…”

“Come on, don’t stay there on the door, I’m hungry, you idiot!”

“Y-yeah, right now.”

 

          The younger man did as asked and while his lover ate, he kept standing up, twisting his hands and fingers on his back. When James finished, man was ready to bring the dishes back on the kitchen but suddenly, he was violently grabbed by the wrist, James’ fingers holding painfully tightly on the olds bruises, making the short man whine before being thrown on the bed, the tall man crawling in top of him, smiling. But not a tender smile like he used to smile to Alexander. A vicious, scary, creepy smile.

“Babygirl, you know that I love you, right?”

“R-right…”

“And you love me too, right?”

“Y-yeah, of course…”

“Then you want it too, don’t you?”

“P-please, not now…”

“What do you mean by not now?!”

“I-I don’t wanna… Not right now, please, don’t be mad, I just…”

“OH AND I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MAD??? YOU SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR EVERYONE AND NOT FOR ME ?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!”

“P-Please, you know it’s not true, I…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I do WHATEVER I want!!”

 

         And he did. Again. Alexander was used to it. But it was still painful. Physically and psychologically painful. He wanted him to stop, asked him to stop, begged him to stop. He cried and sobbed but it continued, as always. And soon enough he didn’t have any strength. He stopped protesting, just letting the tears roll down his cheeks, looking somewhere far far away, trying to ignore the pain, the shame, the sadness. He didn’t want this anymore. He couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to die so badly, because everytime it was so painful that it stopped hurting at all, he felt so numb and empty. Then that was this moment when everything started to hurt again, even more badly than before. He wanted all this to stop.

 

             Finally, James finished and went away, stopped touching him, stopped looking at him. Alone on the bed, Alexander curled up in a ball and cried every tears that were left. But he stopped as soon as this hand touched his shoulder.

“Come to shower, babygirl.”

“Uh, y-yes…”

“Are you seriously still crying? Uh, come on, you’re even more ugly when you cry.”

“S-sorry…”

“It’s okay for this time. I know you liked it, no matter what you say. Because that’s what girls do. You say no even when you mean yes, girls don’t always know what they want.”

“J-James… That’s not true, g-girls mean no when they say no… And I’m a boy…”

“Again with this? You’re lucky I just had a good fuck with you. Come on, Alexia, stop being so capricious and come to the bathroom.”

 

             Alexander did as asked, in silence. He let James touch his body while they shower, he accepted to put on this pink lolita dress making him look very very feminine, highlighting his chest and his hips, to wear a ponytail with a pink ribbon, to put some makeup on…  He hated to look like this. He hated this body. He hated everything that reminded him of being Alexia and not Alexander. He hated to be considered a girl, he hated to be so feminine, he hated the way James called him by his dead name, made him wear all this, forbade him to cut his hair while he did allow him to cut his wrists, arms and tights, saying that they did look good with the bruises James made.

 

             Why was he staying? Ah. Right. He still loved James. And no one would want him, would love him, if they weren’t James. It’s not like he could afford to go away, or had someone to turn, or had anything better waiting for him. James interrupted his thoughts.

“You’re still fat, even if i can see your ribs… Maybe you should do a pregnancy test?”

“A what?”

“Pregnancy test. It’s been a while since your last periods. Plus I’d like to have a baby.”

“B-but I don’t want to be pregnant, I’m to y-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP? YOU WHORE!!! DON’T YOU WANT A FUCKING FAMILY WITH ME?!!!”

“I-I didn’t say that, but it’s earl-”

“SHUT UP!”

 

         And the slap he got sent Alexander against the wall violently. The small man gasped in pain before receiving another hit, and again, and again, until he was curled up in a ball on the ground trying to protect himself as much as he could, bleeding. And with the strokes came insults and misgendering and it hurt it hurt it hurtithurtithurt…

 

“ALEXANDER WAKE UP!!!”

 

          Alexander woke up suddenly, sweating. He had tears rolling down his cheeks, he was trapped under a man, a tall man, muscular man who was pinning him to the mattress. He was breathless so he probably had been trying to run away from the man. He was about to scream this person to let him go before he realized who it was, and still looking at him with wide fearful eyes, he asked, uncertain:

“T-Thomas?”

“Hey, shhhh, it’s me baby, it’s only me. You had a nightmare…? You were screaming James’ name…”

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you…”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it, love. I’m just glad you’re not dreaming of him now. Do you need something? Some water?”

“You… Just you… Don’t leave me please, don’t leave me…”

“I won’t, I promise. Do you wanna tell me…”

“No!! Please no… I-I feel so ashamed…”

“Shhh It’s okay, you haven’t done anything bad… It wasn’t your fault, okay?”

“O-Okay…”

“Now, try to breath with me, can you do that for me, Sweety? In, and out. In, and out. Yeah, like this, very well. Are you feeling better?”

“Y-yes, thank you.”

“No problem, love. Come on, come into my arms. Let’s cuddle until morning, hmm?”

“Agreed… Thanks for being such a good boyfriend.”

“Anytime, I’m here for you whenever you need me, Alex.”

“Thank you… I love you Thomas, very much.”

“Me too, Darling. Me too.”

Chapter Text

        After this short night, Alexander was the first to stand up, in order to shower before taking care of Philip, while Thomas decided to make breakfast. Then the doorbell rang and Martha came in to pick up Philip. Finally, the two young men went to class. And if Alexander was, as always, passionated by all this new knowledge, Thomas was kinda bored. So when the classes ended, he was more than glad to finally be back in the dorms, where Martha brought back Philip, chatting a bit with Alexander to tell him how the day went, and the short man thanked the woman before she left.

 

       Once the three of them were alone, the Virginian wrapped his arms around Alexander’s waist.

“Daaarrrrrrling, let’s have some fun while Philip is asleep…”

“Thomas, you do know we have homework, don’t you?”

“But I don’t wanna do them now… I wanna have fun…”

“Come on, if you want we can study together…”

“I don’t like to study, it’s boring…”

“We just need to make it a bit more interesting for you… Hmm… What about everytime you finish something you get a kiss?”

“A kiss? On the lips?”

“Yes, on the lips. A long, passionate kiss. Would that help motivate you?”

“... ABSOLUTELY!!! But I want the first kiss now!”

“Okay okay, come get it.”

 

        The Southerner happily went to kiss his lover on the lips. Then, they went around the kitchen table after the immigrant had put Philip into bed and prepared everything they would need to work.

“So. What do you wanna start with? The long or the short things?”

“What do you mean?”

“I usually start with the things that takes less time, so i can then focus on the longer ones. This way, I use my energy to do the most of things I can and eventually take a little break before starting the harder ones.”

“Oh. That’s clever.”

“Thanks.”

 

         A knock on  the door interrupted them. Thomas went to open to be confronted with Lafayette, Hercules Mulligan and John Laurens. Lafayette was the first one to talk.

“Hiiiii, Thomas, mon ami! I’ve heard Alexander is your roommate, we’ve come to make sure he’s okay?”

“Oh, yes. Come in, I guess.”

“Thanks Thomas! So, where is he?”

“Oh! Hi guys!” Answered Alexander who had come to see what was happening. “We were about to start studying, do you want to join?”

“Sure! But won’t be the school library better for this?” Exclaimed the frenchman.

“Right… Just let me prepare Philip then.”

“OH! PHILIP IS THE BABY RIGHT??? CAN I COME???”

“Uh, yeah, if you want to.”

 

           And while Laurens, Mulligan and Jefferson were preparing the school stuffs, Lafayette and Alexander went in the bedroom where the tall man was in total awe when he saw Philip, whispering.

“Mon dieu he is so cute!!!”

“Isn’t he? My son.”

“He has your freckles, but there are even more!”

“I know, right.”

“Sooooo… I heard you had a huge crush on Thomas?”

 

         Alexander giggled, picking up Philip and putting him on the baby-carrier.

“Let’s go.”

“But you didn’t answer!”

“I know I didn’t.”

“That’s an answer, right? So you love him?”

“Yeah I do.”

“That’s so romantic!!”

“Let’s go now!”

 

          They joined the others and they all went to the library. Once there, John asked:

“So! I heard you are top of the class, aren’t you, Alexander?”

“Right.”

“So you have to help us! How do you work?”

“He starts with the small works, then he does a little break if necessary before starting the big stuffs!” Answered Thomas proudly.

“Exactly.” Nodded the smallest man.

“I think we should come here to study every afternoon after classes, if you all agree. Studying together is more funny, it’s motivating and we can give each other advice. What do you think?” Hercules asked.

 

         Everyone agreed easily on this. And they started with something they all had. Maths and Economics. Alexander did his homework kinda quickly. It was his stuff. Hercules was not too bad himself, and the two of them helped the others with this. And as promised, when they finished this, Thomas came to get his kiss, letting everyone shook. John was the first one to find his voice back.

“Man, you should have told me Lexi!!! That’s super cool! I wanna know everything!!!”

“Me too, Thomas! How could you not tell me about this?!” Exclaimed Lafayette.

“Ah, kids, they grow up so fast…” Added Hercules.

 

          The two lovers burst out laughing to their friends’ reaction.

“After the homework, maybe!” Answered Alexander. “Let’s do History and Geography now.”

“What? Nooooo the story before!!”

“Nope. After. This way you’ll be motivated to work.”

“You’re so cruel! I know how we’re gonna call you!” Exclaimed the frenchman. “Petit lion!”

“Seriously?” Alexander giggled.

“It fits you!”

“Well, thanks, I guess?”

“You’re welcome, Petit Lion!”

“Is the ‘petit’ really necessary?”

“It is!”

“Well, let’s go back to work!”

 

       And they did, laughing together, helping together, and Alexander felt lucky. Lucky to have Thomas. Lucky to have Philip. Lucky to now have friends like this, enjoying this moment spent together ann enjoying being useful. Yes, Alexander was happy.