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Heartsick

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48 hours before

Depressed. That’s all Hugo felt - all he’s been feeling for so many years… well, so many years, being an extreme exaggeration, but that’s how long it’s felt to him anyway.

Porter was constantly on his mind, every day, it haunted him to no end. Just the thought of him made Hugo’s heart race and had the capability to stop his breathing. He wanted to tell him how he felt, about how desperately in love he truly is with him and how much it hurt to see that he was extremely fucking oblivious to how he felt. But, obviously, he was oblivious. Why would you suspect that your best friend has feelings towards you that are more than platonic? Especially your best friend of 10 years? It’s not really a thing you’d think about - unless you hold the same reverence for them.

In the middle of his thoughts, Hugo started to reminisce about his 10+ years friendship with Porter. They found each other when he was 12 and Porter was 14, exchanging messages about their love for music and generally just talking about their personal lives over Myspace. This carried on for years and then they finally met after Hugo was able to fly over to America due to his growing career, this was a huge turning point in their friendship; on that day Hugo couldn’t help to be in pure awe of him. It’s perfectly normal to feel that sort admiration towards one of your friends, especially if they’re as amazing as Porter but little did 17-year-old Hugo know that 23-year-old Hugo would be planning on telling the same man just how much he loved him, romantically... within two days. The consequences of his confession could instantly ruin their long running friendship but Hugo’s felt hurt for way too long and it was time to get rid of that. For better or for worse.

24 hours before

One day left. Just one more day. That meaning, In Hugo’s thought process, 24 hours, which is 1,440 minutes, approximately 86,400 seconds until he had to tell Porter. No matter how times the people around him, who knew, had tried pressure him to do it in the past. He finally felt ready, finally felt it was time. Of course, there would be repercussions to this and he’s already thought of all the possible outcomes, the shittiest and worst being that Porter absolutely resents him afterwards and breaks all contact with him. Also the fact that well, Porter has a new girlfriend which makes this more complicated because he’s not going to leave her for Hugo, he loves her too much to do that.

In the years that Hugo has known Porter, he’s had a couple of girlfriends - his longest relationship so far being with a girl named Nicole. Quite frankly, the idea of seeing him with someone else, Porter being in love with someone else, cut Hugo deeply. The woman seemed nice though, he had to admit, she’s very supportive of his work, she’s even made the effort to talk to Hugo before and of course, jealousy washed over him because she seems perfect for Porter. She makes him happy and that’s all he wants - for Porter to be happy as he deserves that. He deserves more than that. He would give him the world and beyond but he’ll never be able to. Porter will only, always see him as a friend and will never love him with romantic intent but he understood even though it sucked... a lot.

With so much going through his mind, sleep’s out of the question. Hugo decides to count down the hours. Around 10 left until he potentially fucks up one of his best friendships. Great.

5 minutes after

It could’ve gone worse, that’s the first thing that Hugo thought after Porter left the park. His initial reaction wasn’t surprising at all, he expected it.

 

~Fashback 1 hour ago~

 

“Wait, what?” Porter said, confused as ever. “You’re joking with me, right? You’ve gotta be joking with me.”

 

“No. I’m really not. Why would I joke about something like this?” Hugo asked.

 

Porter stared at him, still trying to see if he was really joking or not. A few seconds passed and then his expression completely changed to shock, it dawned on him that his friend really was not joking.

 

“You do realise that I have a girlfriend, right?” Skepticism deep in his voice. “Nothing can happen between us.”

 

“Yeah, yes I understand both of those things, you- you didn’t need to say it like that. I just needed you to know.” He sighed, “It’s been bothering me a lot. More than you know, I’m sorry.”

 

“...It’s ok. You don’t need to say sorry. I guess I’m sorry for what I just said - obviously you know about Rika. I’m happy you told me, really.” Porter looked back up at Hugo and smiled. “Well! This is a huge change of events! To be honest, I’m quite flattered; if I could choose anyone to have a crush on me, it would be you.”

 

The two friends laughed and then spent the next 45 mins talking (and somewhat joking) about the confession and then decided to proceed their stroll in the park. Well... that passed quickly, Hugo thought.

 

~End of flashback~

 

 

It definitely went better than expected, now that Hugo thought about it more. In all honesty, it seemed that Porter just brushed off the whole entire thing. They couldn’t be a couple but that, surprisingly, wasn’t what Hugo wanted, as long as he knew what he was feeling, that’s all that mattered.

He hoped that now, little by little that feeling of hurt will go away, disappear completely so he won’t feel so depressed anymore and so he could move on.