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It took a second, but Nikita opened her Valentine's gift. As soon as she heard the box opening, Alex turned to watch expectantly.

"Well, I didn't know they sold these to kids."

"I'm all grown up now," Alex smirked, getting closer, undoing her belt. "Wanna try it out?"

Nikita cut her off, putting the lid back on. "Alex, you've been gone all night. You should get back before Division gets suspicious."

"I just thought, since it was Valentine's Day…"

Nikita smiled at her. It wasn’t anything but sad. "We don't get to have a normal life. We don't get time-off for birthdays or Christmas or calling in sick. Live the lie."

"Until the lie becomes my life," Alex finished. She didn't tell Nikita that she was her life. There wasn't any point.


***

That night, Alex growled into her pillow as she tried to get to sleep. It'd been a long day, longer than when she'd been back at Division, sparring with Jaden every hour on the hour. There'd been the fiasco with Michael, the thing with her neighbor… she didn't even like him that way, but Nikita was so distant, so… Nikita.

"I'm a horrible person," she told her pillow. And not just in the killing-people, lying-all-the-time way. In the 'ate the last slice of pizza even though someone else put a Post-It on the bag' way.

She didn't cry herself to sleep, but she sorta… wanted-to-cry herself to sleep. Then she woke up. Someone was in the bed with her, someone was holding her down, a hand over her mouth. It was Nikita. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Slowly, Alex forced her body to relax. Nikita nodded imperceptibly. Their eyes had never left each other. Nikita's didn't look like she'd been crying. Didn't look like she could cry. But there was a weight there, like her eyes weren't scanning anymore, just seeing.

Nikita's eyes got that way sometimes, when she lost someone. Alex wondered if that someone was her.

"I hate this, you know." Nikita's voice was monotone, but rushed; the voice she'd had on the phone when she'd ignored protocol. A dull version of her usual laconic sass. Somehow, it sounded more heartfelt. "I hate never knowing when to push you back and when to hold you close. You want so much from me… you know how hard it is for me to give it to you. But I want to. I want to. You know that, right?"

Alex nodded. Nikita's hand was still over her mouth.

"So, let me make it up to you…"

Alex felt a hand wrenching down her panties. She made a squeaking noise. Nikita's hand solidified its grip on her jaw. She wondered if it made Nikita hot. She wondered if it made her hot.

Above her, Nikita brought her other hand to her mouth and stuck a finger in her mouth, ringing her lips around it as she dragged it out. Alex's eyes widened as she saw how slender, how long Nikita's finger was. She'd had them inside her before, but this felt different. This felt like it was for the first time.

Nikita's finger seemed to take forever to descend from her lips to Alex's body. The heel of Nikita's hand brushed over Alex's belly as Nikita moved it under the sheets, then Alex's body bucked, involuntarily fighting Nikita's hold on her as the older woman dragged her wet finger over Alex's labia. She felt like a machine being turned on, full of electricity, revving up…

"Want me to stop?"

Alex shook her head frantically.

"Want more?"

Alex nodded, nodded, nodded. She felt Nikita parting her. Entering her. Taking her over. It was so good. It was so much. Just one little finger…

"You're so precious to me, Alex. You're so beautiful and amazing and… I just want to show you. This is the only way I know how."

It's enough, it's okay, this is the only way I know either. Alex couldn't say it, but she hoped Nikita could read it in her eyes.

Alex felt the finger curl inside her, felt Nikita's thumb grinding on the hood of her clit. She groaned through Nikita's hand and Nikita smiled, perched above Alex like her own personal goddess, and bent all the way down to Earth to kiss Alex's temple, her eyelids, the back of her own hand.

"Need you wet, need you loose," Nikita said. "You can do that for me, can't you Alex? Maybe if I whisper in your ear a little…" Alex whimpered like she was in pain as those lips touched her ear. "I used your gift after you were gone. I thought about what we did that night. I thought about how your body felt against mine. And then I thought about doing this to you and I came. So much, Alex. You should've been there. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

Alex's eyes were closed so all she could focus on was Nikita's voice and Nikita's touch, Nikita's love. Nikita's lips closed on her ear and it was. Too much. She gasped, fogging up Nikita's hand, and clenched on Nikita's finger like she wanted it inside her forever.

"That's my girl," Nikita whispered in her ear. "Now it's time."

Alex heard a buzzing sound. Her eyes opened. Nikita was holding her gift. She wasn't a size queen, she hadn't gotten one too large, just one about the size of a man's that looked sleek and classy and a little bold, the way she thought of Nikita. She hadn't tried it out yet. She'd wanted Nikita to do that.

Nikita stroked the side of Alex's face with the tip, letting her feel how it vibrated, like it wanted to be inside her. "I think you might still be able to taste me on it, I came so hard. Just thinking of you does that to me. Just knowing you're mine…"

Nikita closed her eyes and shuddered and Alex knew she was getting off on this. The flipside of how she loved to protect Alex was that she enjoyed having Alex under her thumb. They'd fooled around with that a few times, mostly at Alex's insistence, trying to draw Nikita out of her shell ever further, telling Nikita to slap her around and call her names. But that wasn’t Nikita's brand. She didn't want to hurt Alex. She wanted Alex to feel everything, to have all the pleasure, unable to try to bring Nikita off too. Of course, what Alex wanted more than anything was Nikita with her, enjoying it as much as she was, but this was good too. It was so good…

Nikita held the vibrator to her mons, letting Alex feel the vibe like it was throbbing in her bones. She smiled as Alex's eyes grew narrow. Alex felt close, liquid, and she'd barely been touched. She jerked her hips, trying to get it inside her, and Nikita laughed out loud.

"Almost, Alex. Not yet…"

She caressed Alex's labia with the side of the vibrator, rolling it over her cunt, and Alex closed her eyes. That was an orgasm. It must've been. How could anything that felt so good not to be an orgasm?

Nikita pulled herself off Alex, holding herself to the side, her legs drawing back the sheets. If Alex lifted her head just a little against Nikita's hand, she could see Nikita's sinewy arm looping her own legs, see white fingers around the long silicone shaft. From the waist down Alex was bare, totally exposed to Nikita, and she'd never felt more beautiful.

"Now," Nikita said, and the vibrator sunk inside Alex like a key into a lock.

Alex screamed against Nikita's hand, her head thrashing from side to side, actually slipping out of Nikita's grip and letting a few errant vowels of pleasure escape. Nikita's eyes gleamed as she clasped down on Alex's head and pressed it into the pillow, exerting the same constant force that was penetrating into Alex at that very moment. The vibrator was in deep, deeper than Alex ever could've imagined, she could feel every vibration inside her quivering body.

Nikita drew it out slowly and Alex bucked, trying to get it back inside, but Nikita was inexorable, her grin supple as she saw how Alex's body craved it, her firm breasts jiggling, her breath hitting Nikita's palm in speedy bursts.

"Harder?" Nikita asked, and Alex's breath came in fits so fast it was a wonder she was getting any oxygen at all.

When Nikita drove the vibrator back in, it was like a demon had possessed Alex. The girl went rigid, one steady stream of air hitting Nikita's hand as she cried out.

"Yes," Nikita muttered unknowingly, her calm slipping so badly that she couldn't control her own mouth, her own body as she wound her legs around Alex's thigh, "yes," stroked herself against it, "yes," felt Alex's flesh against her core, "yes!"

Alex's hands, so long fisted in her bedsheets, lunged to Nikita, pulling them together. They rode the crest of an orgasm together, rising, rising, the sound of the vibrator seeming to echo and fill the room, their bodies on the same wavelength, one seething mass of lust and devotion and secrets and love and trust and Alex thought, quite clearly, that it was like they were both feeling the exact same thing in that exact same moment, one sensation split between them, and that must've drove her over the edge because she felt herself explode and Nikita let out the breathless note of her own climax, so soon after that they must've felt it at the same time, shared it.

Nikita's hand dropped away from Alex's mouth and Alex sung "Nikita!" and Nikita smiled as she blacked out, or at least seemed to. For a moment, they laid there, sprawled-out and connected, not knowing whose limbs were entwined with whose and loving the vaguely numb, vaguely transcendent feel of it. They even seemed to tremor in sync with the final spasms of their orgasms. 

Nikita forced herself to rise. The vibrator was still inside Alex, still working away at her oversensitive folds. It hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt, like an injury sustained doing something for Nikita, and Alex groaned a little in sorrow as Nikita took hold of it. Thoughtfully, Nikita slowed the vibrator down first, one notch on the dial at a time, like she was milking the orgasm out of Alex's body. When she switched it off, Alex had nearly lost consciousness, only to feel the thrilling sensation of Nikita slipping it out. 

Nikita set the vibrator, gleaming with wetness, on the bedstand. Alex watched it drip and thought of getting a coaster for it. The notion made her laugh and Nikita giggled too, even though she hadn't heard the joke.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Nikita said, pulling a box of chocolates from beside the bed and dropping it on Alex's naked lap.

"Very happy Valentine's Day," Alex replied. "You know, as soon as I can feel my legs, I'm using that on you."

"Mm-hmm. Save it for the credits." Nikita took a chocolate and popped it into Alex's mouth, then grabbed the remote from the bedstand. She'd already loaded the DVD player while Alex slept. When she pressed power, the menu for Imagine Me & You came up.

"A chick flick?" Alex asked. "Really?"

"It's traditional." Nikita settled in next to her. "Plus, it's a good movie. You'll like it."

The studio logos came up. "I'm sure I will." Alex kissed Nikita's neck. "I've never watched a movie without pants before."

"Figured I owed you a proper Valentine, not just… communicators and orders." Nikita picked up another chocolate, but instead of eating it, she rolled it in her hand. "I'm sorry I can't take you on a date. You deserve a fancy restaurant, you deserve dinner and a movie…"

"Hey." Alex kissed Nikita's neck again. "I don't deserve you. I haven't done one thing to earn you. But you're still here. And I would rather have you than the fanciest restaurant."

When Alex moved to kiss her this time, Nikita caught her lips, tasted Alex and chocolate. Alex was sweeter.

"I love you," Nikita said, before nudging the chocolate into her mouth to melt on her tongue.

"Love you too." Alex rested her head on Nikita's shoulder. "Holy crap, Giles is in this movie?"