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Not Worth Enough

Chapter Text

Foot steps echoed down the hallway, Lance wiped his tears.

Stupid Keith, stupid Keith and his stupid mullet. Lance hated him, he started walking faster until he reached his destination.

He quickly opened the door and walked inside, locking the door behind him. He was back in his old room. There was nothing there now though, since he had moved into a bigger room with Shiro. Just his old bed with only a single blanket and pillow.

He sighed, then walked into his old bathroom reaching around under the sink. Once he found what he was looking for he pulled it out into the dim lighting, the razor he had taped under the sink.

He had found it in the infirmary a few months into being on the ship. He taped it there so just in case anyone happened to be in his room they couldn't accidentally find it.

He stared at the razor thinking, he hadn't used it in a while, not since he started dating Shiro.

He smiled to himself. He loved Shiro, he really did love him. Shiro only knew a little about the problems. About his problems, he didnt wanna worry Shiro. He had his own problems, bigger problems. He was held captive by the galra for a year and got his arm torn off for fucks sake, he didn't need to hear about Lances panic attacks or depression.

It was fine, Lance was fine, it was all fine. He had been getting better. He stopped having panic attacks and he stopped feeling useless, he had gotten better. But stupid Keith, stupid fucking Keith had to come along and remind him how worthless he really was.

 

 

 

Lances breathing started to pick up. 'no no nonono not now it had all been fine! I was better!' Or had it. Had he really been getting better or was it all just in his head? Had he just been pushing it all away, to the back of his mind?

He started to hyperventilate. He looked down at the razor again. 'Just do it, you've done it before. Why don't you just end it already, finally be useful and get out of the damn way.'

He started crying again, bringing the razor up to his wrist. 'that's right, you're just a seventh wheel. you could be easily replaced. no one wants you. not Keith or Hunk or any of them. And especially not Shiro. Do you really think he likes you? He probably asked you out out of pity, or he got annoyed by all your flirting with the aliens and decided to put a stop to it. He won't even touch you! Sure a few kisses here and there, he probably thinks you're unattractive. So ugly, all those scars. He's probably with Keith right now, touching him in all the places he won't touch you. Because Keith is so much better than you in everything-'

 

 

 

"Lance?" he heard a muffled voice ask, followed by loud knocking.

"Shit fuck ok" he whispered to himself as he put the razor away and quickly splashed his face with water trying to cover up his red puffy eyes. "Yeah I'm here" he yelled back, still trying to make it seem like he didn't just have an emotional breakdown.

"Lance open the door" he recognized the voice as Pidge.

He walked over to the door unlocking it, the door flew open to Pidge and Hunk standing outside.

Hunk sighed "Dude we were looking everywhere for you-"

Pidge interrupted, "Allura wants us for dinner."

Lance groaned "Now?"

"Yes right now, lets go!" Lance groaned again as Pidge dragged him out of the room and down the hallway.

"Uh Pidge?" Hunk suddenly spoke up "Can you leave us here for like a second? I wanna talk to Lance."

Pidge glared at him "Fine, but you better hurry! I don't wanna get yelled at!"

She continued walking, Hunk waited until he couldn't hear her foot steps, then he spoke.

"Lance, is everything ok?"

Lance looked up at Hunk, he looked genuinely concerned. Hunk was the only one who knew about Lances "problems", he sighed.

"Yeah Hunk just having a bad day."

"Well if you wanna talk about it I'm here"

Lance gave him a small smile "I know buddy, now common! We gotta head to dinner before Allura kills us."

 

 

 

Dinner was, well, Horrible.

Keith had refused to apologize to Lance, which pissed off Shiro, which resulted in Lance being the cause of an argument. Which caused Pidge to start yelling, and Allura to try and calm them down. Which made Lance feel like it was all his fault resulting in Lance trying to hold back his tears, noticed by Hunk. Causing Hunk to start yelling and defending his best friend. And for Lance to run out of the room crying.

Everyone immediately stopped arguing. Shiro made everyone apologize before he went after Lance.

 

 

 

Lance was back in his room. He grabbed the razor and bandages then went to a spot he knew no one would find him.

He climbed all the stairs leading to the top of the castle where he found the small room he'd occasionally go in to calm himself down. He walking in and curled up into the corner of the room still crying.

He sat there and pulled his sleeve up, he cut. He cut and cut and cut. He cut his arms, his stomach, his thighs, his legs, he just kept cutting.

Once he was done he leaned back and marveled at his handy work. 'Wow, so you're actually good at something.'

He looked them all over again one more time before wrapping them up. He fixed himself up then started making his way back towards his room with Shiro.

Hopefully Shiro wouldn't be there so he could quickly change in peace. But as soon as he opened the door he saw Shiro sitting on their bed.

Shiro looked up at him. "Lance!"

He ran towards him and wrapped him in a hug. Lance tried to hold it back but he made a yelp as Shiro touched the cuts. Shiro automatically let go.

"Lance what happened? Are you ok?!" He asked in concern.

Lance could only look down, he was starting to feel guilty. "Yeah I'm perfect. Just tired" He fake yawned.

Shiro frowned "Oh ok.. Where were you? We were all looking for you."

Shiro looked Lance over carefully, looking to see if anything was wrong or out of the ordinary.

"Oh I was just walking around, trying to clear my head.." Lance responded looking away from Shiro.

"Keith wants to apologize for lashing out on you."

Lance frowned. "It's fine he doesn't need to."

Shiro didn't reply, something was wrong, really wrong but he didn't know what. He kept looking Lance over.

"Ok well how about we get to sleep." He went to reach for Lances jacket but Lance suddenly pulled back. Shiro froze.

Lance awkwardly laughed "Jeez Shiro you scared me, I didn't expect that."

"Sorry" Shiro automatically said starting to wonder why Lance was avoiding eye contact.

"Well uh, I think I'm gonna sleep in my old room tonight.." Lance said it suddenly.

"What? Why?" Shiro was shocked, they hadn't slept separately in months.

"Just want some alone time."

"Lance, you know you can talk to me.." He tried to look Lance in the eyes but he turned away and grabbed him pajamas.

"Goodnight Shiro, see you in the morning."

Shiro watched him walk out to the room "Goodnight Lance" once the door was shut, Shiro layed down. Something was seriously wrong.

 

 

 

He eventually got up and ready for bed but as he was about to fall asleep he realized something.

 There were bandages sticking out from Lances jacket.

Chapter Text

Shiro knew what he was gonna do, he had it all planned out. He was gonna go to Lances old room before breakfast and talk to him. He was gonna find out why he was acting so strange and what was with the bandages. But the universe was not on his side. 

 

 

 

Shiro ran down the hallway, he didn't know where he was going but he knew it was important he get there. Suddenly he was in Lances old room but Lance wasn't there. He heard water running from the bathroom. He ran in and stopped dead in his tracks by what he saw. Blood. Blood was everywhere. Then he saw Lance curled up in the corner. He looked so small. He was covered in blood, so much blood. Way too much blood. The realization hit him like a truck. Lance was dead.

 

 

 

Shiro woke up covered in sweat, he looked over to the empty spot next to him. Lance wasn't there.

He started to panic before he remembered Lance had slept in his old room that night. He let out a sigh of relief before he started to panic again.

The dream had taken place in Lances old room.

Shiro quickly got out of bed, he looked at his clock. It read '6:37 CT' (castle time) he had about an hour and a half before breakfast.

No he couldn't wait that long, he had to make sure Lance was ok. He walked out of the room and down the hallway, starting to walk at a faster tempo.

"It was just a dream, he's fine." he muttered to himself.

'was it really? is lance really ok?'  Shiro started running.

 

 

 

Lance woke up to the sound of heavy footsteps coming from down the hallway. What was going on? Was the castle under attack? He hadn't heard any alarm.

Lance got out of bed and grabbed his jacket, putting it on. He was about to turn to the door and leave but it shot open.

He looked over to see Shiro standing in the doorway and breathing heavily. "Shiro?"

"Lance! Are you ok?" Shiro walked towards Lance.

"Yeah I'm fine, what's going on?" Lance grabbed Shiro by the arm and led him over to the bed to sit down.

"Nothing, just had a nightmare and wanted to make sure you were ok.."

Lance swallowed the lump in his throat, he had left Shiro all alone. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"..I'd prefer not to but uh can I stay here?"

"Oh uh sure.. We only have about an hour till breakfast anyways."

"Yeah.."

They sat there in awkward silence, which was strange since Lance was never quiet.  Lance opened his mouth to say something but Shiro spoke first.

"Why didn't you wanna sleep in our room?"

Lance froze. He had been expecting questions but he didn't know what to say, he felt so guilty. Shiro turned and looked Lance in the eye but Lance quickly looked away.

"Did I do something?"

Lance answered back quickly "Wha- No! Shiro you did nothing wrong it's just.." He still didn't know what to say.

"Lance you can talk to me, just say what you're thinking. I want to know what happened so I can help you!"

Lance looked at the floor, he felt so guilty. He was making Shiro worry, he had more important things to be worrying about. He shouldn't be worrying about Lance.

"I know Shiro. Just don't worry about it ok? I'm fine!" He got up and turned in a circle so Shiro could see his entire body. "See! Perfectly fine!"

That's when Shiro remembered, the bandages. "Lance."

"Yes?"

"Why was your arm bandaged up?"

Lance let out a small gasp.

"I saw it in our room. Did you get hurt?"

Lance started to panic, what was he supposed to say?! "I hurt myself during training."

"When? Why didn't you say anything, it must have been pretty bad if you needed bandages."

"No it's not important. I'm fine I took care of it."

Shiro stared at Lance, something wasn't right. "Can I see?" He started to reach for Lances arm.

"No!" Lance said much louder than he intended as he pulled away. "Lets just go to breakfast ok?"

Lance put on his slippers before walking out of the room.

Shiro sat there thinking. Why was Lance being so distant? Why had he reacted like that? He sighed before getting up and walking out of the room.

He needed answers and he was gonna get them. 

 

 

 

Breakfast had been awkward. Lance wasn't talking to Shiro and Shiro kept staring at him. Everyone could feel the tension.

Did they get in a fight? Keith wondered while looking at them.

"Ok!" Coran stood up "Today we are going to be cleaning the castle! I'll split you up and give you different spots to clean!"

Coran looked at all of them, Keith and Lance really needed some bonding so he'd start there.

"Lance! You and Keith can clean the training deck!"

Lance groaned. "You're kidding me! Anyone but Keith!"

Coran continued talking. "Shiro and Pidge can clean the control room! And Hunk can come with me to the engine room!"

Everyone got up and went to where they were assigned to clean. Shiro took one last look at Lance before leaving with Pidge.

Lance started walking to the training room leaving Keith behind.

"Hey Lance wait up!" Lance started walking faster. "Lance!"

Keith ran to catch up. "Hey I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I shouldn't have lashed out on you like that."

Lance turned and glared at him. "Why are you apologizing? Because Shiro and Allura told you too?"

"Well uh yeah... But I realized I shouldn't have done that so I'm sorry."

Lance walked into the training room and turned around to face Keith. He pointed at him. "I don't need your apology!"

Keith glared at him "What the hell Lance? I'm trying to be nice and apologize and you're trying to start a fight with me!"

Lance raised his voice. "No Keith! I would accept your apology if it was sincere! The only reason you did it was because you were told to!"

"Well sorry I listen to my leader unlike you! You think you can do whatever you want just because you're dating Shiro! Well you can't Lance! Do you even like him or are you just dating him for the benefits?!"

Lance was furious, he couldn't believe Keith had just said that. "Are you fucking kidding me!? If anyone acts like that its you! We all know you're Shiros favorite! And I cannot believe you just said that!" Lance was yelling now, the whole castle could probably hear him. "I love Shiro! He may not feel the same way but I really do love him! How would you even know Keith?!"

"You know what Lance? You're right, he probably doesn't love you. How could anyone ever love you. I'm sick of this, you're not even worthy of being a paladin! I always wondered why the blue lion picked you! You're worthless Lance! Worthless!"

Keith stopped talking, realizing what he said. "Fuck, Lance I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"No Keith. I know I'm worthless, you don't have to fucking remind me!" Lance was holding back his tears as he screamed at Keith. "And I'm sure you know if Shiro loves me since he probably tells you everything! Just like how he's probably fucking you! Cause I'm so ugly, why would he want to touch me when I have all these scars! Well you can have him Keith! I'm done with this, clean the floors by yourself."

Lance walked by Keith towards the door. "Fuck you Keith Kogane" Lance walked out and the doors shut.

Keith stood there in shock, did Lance really think that? That Shiro and him were.. together? And he thought he was worthless? Keith hadn't meant to say that, he was just mad.

Suddenly the doors flew open. Keith turned and saw Hunk. Hunk stood there glaring at him.

"I heard everything." Hunk sounded mad, Hunk was never mad.

Hunk walked over and slapped him, Keith gasped.

The doors flew open again to the rest of crew.

"Wheres Lance?" Hunk was practically yelling.

Everyone was shocked, they had never seen Hunk so upset.

"I don't- I don't know" Keith answered back and Hunk glared before turning and walking out of the room. 

 

 

 

Turns out everyone had heard everything. Everyone immediately started looking for Lance, but no one could find him.

They were all upset, Hunk and Shiro both refused to talk to Keith and wouldn't stop looking for Lance. It had been a whole day and still no one could find him.

Shiro started looking on the top level of the castle, it was the only place he hadn't looked. He was about to give up before he heard it.

Crying.

He walked towards the sound and looked around the corner to see the source of the sound.

It was Lance. Standing on the railing of the balcony that overlooked all the castles floors.

If he jumped from there he would be dead for sure, and Lance knew that. Thats what he wanted.

Shiros breath caught in his throat.

Lance wiped his tears. "No, I told myself I wouldn't cry. I have to do this, it'll improve everyones lives." Lance took a deep breath. "Then maybe Shiro can be happy."

He took the last step off the railing, ready for gravity to do its job. 

Chapter Text

 "Fuck you Keith Kogane."

Lance walked out of the room and continued walking down the hall. Keith was right, he was worthless. It's not like he didn't already know that though.

He hated Keith but he hated himself more. So much more.

He was letting the tears flow now, he had been holding back so Keith wouldn't see. He continued making his way to the room and once he got there he collapsed onto the floor starting to hyperventilate. 

'Just do it already, you heard him. Worthless. He called you worthless.' 

Lance started crying harder and curled into a ball. The room felt like it was getting smaller and smaller. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

"Go away, please please go away." He muttered before he passed out.

 

 

 

 

Lance woke up. Where was he? Then it came back to him. He curled up into a ball again. What if he did end it? Would anyone even care? Hunk had Pidge, Allura had Coran and,

Lance took in a deep breath. Shiro had Keith.

Lance felt the tears forming in his eyes again.

Keith. He hated Keith so much, he was always better than him in everything. He always took what he wanted.

The tears started falling again. He was just a stupid seventh wheel. Where do you even see a seventh wheel? Maybe a third or fifth wheel but never a seventh wheel. He felt so useless, no, he is useless.

Then Lance saw it, the razor. He crawled over and grabbed it. He didn't have many more places to cut.

He rolled his sleeves up and looked at the bandages. He took them off and looked at the lines, most scabs but he could still see the older ones.

The ones Hunk knew about. Oh Hunk, he would be so upset if he found out. He had made a promise to him that he would never hurt himself again. He started to get up, he needed Hunk. He need to find him right now- 

'No. He has Pidge remember? He doesn't care about you anymore.' 

"No we're best friends he'll be there for me he'll-" 

'No,  you're worthless! Remember? Keith said so himself' 

"No I'm-" He looked down at the razor.

He was worthless. God he was so worthless, he started to cut on any space he could find. Some of the cuts reopened. Blood was getting everywhere.

He started to feel tired, he laid down on the floor.

"Maybe if I lay here long enough I'll just bleed out."

He couldn't help but laugh. It wouldn't work, nothing ever worked the way he wanted.

He laid there on the floor just thinking about his life. About his family and his friends, and about Shiro. He loved them all so much. But he knew they were better off without him.

He laid there for what felt like hours.

 

 

 

 

He thought about his teammates, were they looking for him? Probably not. Keith probably told them everything and they had probably all laughed. Laughed at how worthless he was. He laughed too.

How could someone be so worthless? He continued laughing, laughing until he was crying. He started to get up, but he didn't know what to do. 

'Do it Lance. Do it. End it. END IT NOW.'  

Lance looked at the razor and all his cuts. He could just cut deep enough to bleed out..

No. He needed something else.

Then he remembered, wasn't he 40 or 50 floors up? He could just jump off that balcony, yeah he'd be dead for sure. Gone, and out of everyones way.

He walked out of the room, towards the balcony.

He started to climb onto the rail, he climbed up then gained his balance and stood there looking down. Yeah that would be a long fall.

He realized he was still crying, he wiped his tears. "No, I told myself I wouldn't cry. I have to do this, it'll improve everyones lives."

He took a deep breathe. "Then maybe Shiro can be happy."

'Do it do it do it do it do it do it doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit DO IT NOW!' 

He took the last step off the railing, ready for gravity to do its job.

Chapter Text

Lance closed his eyes, taking the last step off the railing.

He felt a strong pair of arms grab him around the waist and pull back. They both fell backwards and onto the floor, causing Lance to gasp.

He got up and turned around to see who grabbed him, to see who stopped him from finally doing something useful. He made eye contact with them. 

Shiro.

He gasped again as Shiro got up and started walking towards him. "Lance-"

Lance interrupted him,"NO! LET ME DO THIS, LET ME DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR ONCE."

Shiro flinched, "Lance stop. Common lets just go downstairs and we can talk and-"

"NO I DON'T WANT TO TALK, JUST LEAVE SHIRO PLEASE."

"Lance, I can't let you do this. You're important to the team! You're important to everyone and you're important to ME!"

Lance closed his eyes again, he couldn't look at Shiro. He had to do this. He wouldn't let anyone stop him.

"No I'm not. I'm useless, I do nothing right. I just wanna go home. I just-" He started crying again.

"We can go back to Earth, we'll talk to Allura and go. I promise Lance please, let's just go downstairs and we can talk."

Shiro started walking towards him again. Lances eyes flew open.

"NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" He backed up against the railing and looked at Shiro.

Then he saw it, the look of desperation and worry on Shiros face. He choked on his sobs.

"Get away, please please please just leave. JUST GO!"

"I'm not leaving Lance, not without you." He looked down and saw how much blood was on Lances clothes. "Please Lance."

Lance started to shake. "Oh god Shiro just GO!"

Then they both heard it. The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs.

Lance let out a whimper before he started climbing over the railing. Shiro ran towards him and grabbed him just before he let go. 

 

 

 

The rest of the crew ran into the room to see Lance trying to get out of Shiros grasp.

"Lance stop moving, I don't wanna hurt you!"

 "Just let me go! Let me die please!"

Lance looked over to see Hunk, they made eye contact before he quickly looked away. But as he did he accidentally saw Keith. He saw the way he was looking at him. He was in absolute disgust. He was disgusted by Lance. 

Lance fought even harder to escape from Shiro.

Running back into his special room, he tried to lock the door. But Shiro was there before he could.

He kept moving until he got what he came for. The razor. He picked it up and put it to his wrist. As he was about to drag it down, it was grabbed out of his hand and thrown across the room.

He ran to grab it but was grabbed around the waist and pulled onto the ground.

"NONONO STOP!" Shiro held him as he screamed and cried. "YOU RUINED IT! I WAS SO CLOSE! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!"

He kept screaming as Shiro ran down the stairs. "I was so close, why'd you have to ruin it Takashi.."

Lance felt drops of water splash his skin. He looked up and saw Shiro crying. Then he blacked out.

 

 

 

Lance looked around, he was on a beach.

Wait no, this was his beach. From home. He smiled and ran into the water. He looked out at the ocean, it was so beautiful.

He heard Shiro laugh. He turned to look for him. He saw him further down the beach. He cupped he hands around his mouth," Takashi-"

He stopped. Keith wrapped his arms around Shiro and pulled him down into a kiss.

Lance turned away and closed his eyes. "No" he whispered to himself, "No no no."

He opened his eyes again and just saw darkness.

He turned around and gasped, shocked to see the other paladins.

Pidge looked at him in disgust then turned away. Hunk wouldn't even look at him. Then he looked at Shiro and Keith. Keith smirked at him with Shiros arm wrapped around his waist. Shiro looked at him with disappointment.

"Shiro-"

"No Lance stop, you're off the team. We can't have someone as worthless as you here."

Then he turned and they all walked away while laughter filled the room. 

 

 

 

Lance woke up with a start, sitting up in bed. He looked around the room, no one else was there. But this was his and Shiros room, how did he end up here? He looked down at the bandages all over his body, before he started crying.                                 

He had failed again.

Chapter Text

Everyone ran the stairs behind Shiro who was holding onto Lance like his life depended on it.

They ran into the infirmary and Shiro placed Lance into a healing pod. Once Coran finished setting it up everyone sat down at a nearby table. They all looked at the healing pod as they sat in silence.

Finally Hunk spoke up. "Lance didn't want me to tell anyone but because of everything that happened I need too."

Everyone turned to look at Hunk. "Lance was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when we were 12. He started taking pills after that and he still needs them."

Pidge started crying. "Why wouldn't he tell us!? I could have fixed something up! Or we could have gone back to Earth!"

Coran walked over to the table. "What is it?" Hunk explained it to Allura and Coran. They both looked at him in shock. "That sounds horrible! Do all humans suffer from this?!"

"No, only some people."

Shiro looked up at the group for the first time. "I knew something was wrong. I should have made him tell me!"

Hunk put his hand on Shiros shoulder. "It's ok Shiro. I saw how he was acting too. I should have spoke up about it-"

"No. I saw his bandages last night. He didn't even sleep in the same room as me. He flinched when I touched him. God, why didn't I do anything."

Everyone stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry." Keith looked at Shiro and Hunk. "It's my fault, I didn't know what he was going through."

Shiro stood up. "It's not your fault. But I am disappointed in you."

Suddenly the healing pod opened and Shiro automatically moved to catch Lance. "What happened?! He's only been in for an hour! The cuts are barely closed up-"

Coran walked over and checked the pod. "It needs to be fixed. The cuts are closed up enough for us to just bandage them."

Shiro looked at Lance. "Why isn't he awake yet?"

"It's because he was suddenly pushed out by the pod. He'll be awake soon. It'll be best if you take him to your room and put him in bed."

Shiro only nodded while he laid Lance down on a medical bed and watched as Coran bandaged him up.

 

 

 

Once Lance was in bed and mostly everyone had gone to their rooms Shiro pulled Keith aside.

"Why were you and Lance arguing?"

Keith started fiddling with his knife. "He was upset that I only apologized because I was told too. Then I said at least I listen to my leader.."

Shiro nodded his head. "And he said I was your favorite."

Keith tried his best to not cry. "I said that you probably don't love him." Shiro looked at Keith in shock. "And I called him worthless."

"Keith.."

"After that he said I know. He fucking said 'I know'. What the fuck does that mean!?!"

"Keith calm down."

Keith didn't try to hold back his tears anymore. "He thinks we're sleeping together. He said 'why would he want to touch me when I have all these scars'! I should have gone after him, but I was frozen in place like a fucking idiot!"

"Keith, it's not your fault. You didn't know what he was going through."

Keith wiped his tears and hugged Shiro. Shiro hugged him back, then forced a smile onto his face.

"You should get some sleep, ok?"

"..Ok.." Keith walked down the hallway to his room.

Shiro waited until he was out of sight before walking into his room.

As soon as he saw Lance he started to cry. "Oh Lance.."

He walked over and sat on his side of the bed. He sat there and just thought and thought and thought.

 

 

 

A loud knock on the door, snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked at the door before quickly looking back at Lance.

"..It's open."

Coran walked in. "Good morning Shiro, get any sleep?"

Shiro didn't answer. Coran sighed. "How about Allura and you go get some food!"

Allura stepped into the room.

"What if he wakes up."

"I'll stay here and watch him! I'll let you know right away if he wakes up!"

Shiro got up and walked over to the door. "Um, maybe you should change.."

"I'm just going to get food and I'm bringing it back." Allura sighed and followed Shiro out of the room.

Coran started to pull a chair up next to the bed before multiple loud knocks came from the door.

He walked over and opened it, finding Pidge and Keith. He stepped out into the hallway closing the door behind him.

Pidge looked up at him. "Is he awake?"

"No, but soon!"

"When?"

Coran smiled at her. "Anytime now-"

"I want to see him."

"Not right now-"

Pidge started to cry. "I want to see him NOW!"

She tried to fight her way past Coran but Keith grabbed her and dragged her away.

Coran stood outside the door for a few minutes before walking back in and gasping.

Lance was sitting up in bed crying. "Lance!" 

 

 

 

Lance looked up in shock. "Coran-?"

"Don't move! I'm going to get the others!"

"No-!" Coran was already out the door.

Lance started to get up and cried out in pain. You deserve it. He frowned and slowly made his way to the bathroom.

As soon as he locked the door he remembered his dream. He remembered the looks Keith had given him.

Lance collapsed onto the floor. He started to hyperventilate. Nonono. 

Lance heard the bedroom door open and soon after someone started banging on the bathroom door.

"Lance?! Lance, let me in!" Shiro. 

Lance couldn't breathe. He didn't deserve to breathe.

Shiro started slamming himself against the door. Lance cringed.

 Deep breathes. Deep breathes. Deep breathes.

 

 

 

 Once Lance had started breathing normally he unlocked the door and it flew open.

Shiro ran in and hugged Lance. Lance sat on the floor frozen. Keith. Shiro smelt like Keith.

 Lance pushed Shiro away and gagged. He crawled over to the toilet before throwing up the little food he had left in his stomach.

"Lance-"

"Get out."

Shiro froze. "Lance, you can't be by yourself-"

"Well then send Coran or Allura because I don't wanna see anyone else."

"You can't just-"

Lance wiped his mouth and stood up. "Get the fuck out now."

"Why-" Lance pushed Shiro out of the bathroom.

"GET OUT!" The bedroom door flew open and everyone came in.

Lance slammed his fists against Shiros chest and started to cry. "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Lance was pulled back by someone, he turned to look. Keith. 

Lance pushed him away. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME-"

Lance ran back into the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet.

Everyone watched Lance in shock. He got back up and looked at them all.

"What? Just because I tried to kill myself I have to be sad? You all ruined it for me."

Lance glared at Keith. Keith stared back at him. "What is it, asshole? Are you in shock? Oh poor disgusting Lance tried to kill himself! Big fucking deal. People die everyday."

Keith choked on a sob. "I'm so sorry."

"Were you forced to apologize again?" Keith just stared at him

"Did any of you hear me? Get the fuck out!" Everyone quickly walked out of the room except Hunk.

"I said-"

Hunk frowned at him. "You broke our promise." 

Chapter Text

Lance froze.

"Oh god, Hunk I'm so sorry."

"I don't care if you're sorry. Three years ago you promised me you wouldn't hurt yourself. Five years ago you promised you wouldn't ever try to kill yourself again!"

"I'm sorry-"

"NO! SORRY DOESN'T MATTER NOW! YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF LANCE, YOU BROKE OUR PROMISE!"

Lance flinched, Hunk never raised his voice. "I-"

"You'll what?"

Lance started sobbing. "I don't know! I don't know what to do! I kept thinking 'I need to go to Hunk!' but then I'd think 'No, he doesn't need you, he doesn't need a burden'."

Hunk started crying. "Lance, I love you! We all do, I can't even imagine life without you!"

"You're lying! I'm just a seventh wheel! I have no use here! I just want to go home, I miss my family so much."

"I would never lie to you Lance, we've known each other since we were four! I known what you've been through and I know it's hard! Then all of the sudden we're launched into space! I know it fucking sucks!"

Lance wiped his tears and grinned before he started to laugh. "You know, that's only the third time I've heard you cuss."

Hunk looked at him in surprise. "Are you- This is a serious situation!"

Lance started laughing harder.

"Lance!" Hunk couldn't help but laugh too. "Stop, your laugh is contagious!"

Lance finally stopped laughing. "I had a dream earlier."

"Yeah?"

Lance started to fidget. "Can you make sure everyone's gone?"

Hunk stepped out into the hallway, only to find Coran.

"Ah! I made them all leave, I just wanted to let you know the thing your making is almost ready."

"Oh, get it out of the oven for me when it's done please."

"Yes!" Coran quickly walked away and Hunk stepped back into the room.

 

 

 

Lance and Hunk sat down on the bed.

"So, what happened in this dream?"

Lance took a deep breath. "I was at my beach. It was so beautiful."

"And?"

Lance stared at the wall. "Shiro was there so I called out to him but then that asshole came out of no where!"

"Who?"

"Keith! And he fucking kissed him! He kissed him on my beach! I swear I'll kill him!" Lance started to shake.

"...Did you wake up after that..?"

"No. I shut my eyes. When I opened them it was just darkness but then I turned and-" Lance started to shake even more.

"Lance-"

"Pidge was looking at me in disgust and you wouldn't even look at me. Shiro had his damn arm around Keith and he said 'You're off the team. We can't have someone as worthless as you here'."

Hunk frowned and looked at Lance.

"You all walked away. You left me. You all left me! And this horrible laughter filled the room. I woke up after that." Lance stared at Hunk. "Please don't leave me."

"Lance, I will never leave you but you need to promise me the same thing."

Lance looked at the wall again.

"Look at me!" Lance slowly turned to face Hunk. "Promise me."

Lance took a shaky breath. "I promise."

"You promise what?"

"I promise I will never leave you."

Hunk burst into tears again and moved to hug Lance but froze. "Can I touch you?"

Lance quickly nodded and Hunk pulled Lance into a hug.

They stayed like that for a long time and just cried.

Eventually Lance spoke up. "You smell like honey."

"You smell like sweat."

"Wow, thanks."

They both laughed before Hunk looked Lance dead in the eye.

"But I'm serious. If you ever try something like that again, I SWEAR you will never even SEE another garlic knot in your LIFE!"

Lance smiled and hugged Hunk again. "..Ok, I won't."

A knock suddenly came from the door. Hunk quickly got up and opened it.

Coran was standing there with a tray of brownies.

"Oh thank you!" Hunk cut a piece out and handed it to him. "Here, it's really hot though so wait a little bit."

Coran smiled before walking down the hallway. Hunk walked back into the room.

 

 

 

"While you were asleep we talked about some things."

Lance looked up at Hunk and took a small bite of his brownie. "Yeah?"

"I told them."

"Well I guess that's to be expected."

Hunk stared at him in disbelief. "You're not mad?!"

"No, I have no reason to be mad."

Hunk nervously smiled. "We all agreed that someone has to be with you at all times. The door has to stay open and all sharp objects have been hidden away."

"My door has to stay open? Who decided that?"

"Keith was the one who came up with it."

Lance glared at the wall. "Asshole."

"Hey it's just to make sure, well you know."

Lance sighed. "Yeah, I know."

 

 

 

They spent the next week in bed talking about past memories. Lots of crying and laughing was involved.

A series of knocks came from the door. Hunk started to get up but Lance ran to the door opening it.

Pidge looked up at him and gasped.

"Lance!"

"Hey."

She shoved some headphones into his hand. "I made you these!"

Lance smiled at her. "Thank you-"

"Pidge? You're not supposed to be here-!"

Lance looked over to see Keith and Shiro.

Everyone froze and looked at each other. Lance started to shake.

"Lance?!"

"Ah-!"

Hunk quickly got up and tried to close the door but Keith forced his way in.

"What are you doing?! It's been a week and you haven't left you room once!"

Lance was starting to feel nauseas. "Go away-"

"No! We've waiting long enough!" Keith grabbed Lance and pushed him onto the floor.

"Don't touch me!"

"You're making everyone worry! Shiro hasn't slept for days!"

Lance tried to push Keith away but Keith pushed him down again. "Answer me asshole!"

Lance couldn't breathe.

"Lance! Fucking answer me!"

Lance punched Keith in the face, knocking him back. "FUCK YOU! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!"

Lance punched Keith again.

Keith growled before getting up and punching Lance. "ANSWER ME!"

Lance moved to hit Keith again before gagging.

He turned and tried to run to the bathroom before he threw up all over the floor.

Keith froze and Pidge ran up to him. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

Pidge slapped Keith causing everyone to gasp.

Shiro ran in and pulled her back.

Hunk helped Lance into the bathroom. Lance threw up again.

Hunk started to clean up the barf while Shiro dragged Keith and Pidge out of the room. Hunk sat the headphones on the bed and went to check on Lance.

"You ok-"

Lance was passed out on the floor. 

Chapter Text

Lance laid down in the medical bed.

"Can I go back to my room now?"

Hunk looked down at him. "No, your cuts reopened when you... uh hit Keith and the pods are still down."

Lance groaned and closed his eyes.

"Aha!" Coran suddenly stood up. "I know what I need to do, but I need Pidges help.."

"Is that ok-"

"Yes Hunk it's fine!"

Hunk gulped. "Uh.. ok."

Lance looked down at his bandages.

Stupid. You're making him upset. This is all your fault. Imagine if he never met you. He would be so much better off. 

Lance grabbed onto Hunks hand. "I'm sorry for snapping at you."

Hunk gave him a sad smile before squeezing his hand. "It's ok, but we need to talk-"

The door flew open and Pidge stepped inside. "Ah! Pidge you're here already!"

She made her way over to Coran. "So what do you need my help with?"

Lance stared at Pidge. I wonder what she thinks of me. I hope she doesn't hate me. She does.

Hunk stood up. "I'm going to get food, I'll be right back."

Lance nodded before looking back at Pidge.

 He continued staring before he realized she was looking at him.

Coran snapped his fingers. "Lance?"

"Wha- yeah?"

"We're finished."

 Lance looked at them in surprise. "Already?"

"Yep!"

"So what is it?"

Pidge grabbed a small pill and walked over to him. "Basically, we took the same chemicals used in the pods and put them in this pill. It won't heal your wounds automatically but it will speed up the process."

Coran walked over to the other side of the bed. "Also, you won't enter a sleep like state like you would in a pod. Although you may feel a bit.. slow."

Lance hesitantly looked at the pill before taking it. "So I just swallow it?"

Pidge and Coran both nodded before smiling at him.

Lance placed the pill in his mouth and swallowed. "Do I have to stay here?"

Coran started putting supplies away. "Nope, you're free to go! I'll take you back-"

Pidge quickly interrupted. "I can take him back! Well if that's ok.."

Coran looked at Lance who gave a small nod. "Fine with me, I'll let Hunk know!"

Lance got out of the bed and slipped his slippers on. "Thanks Coran!"

"No problem Lance!"

Lance followed Pidge out of the room.

 

 

 

"I'm sorry about Keith. I shouldn't have come to your room."

"It's not your fault-"

Pidge grabbed onto Lances arm. "It is! You should have told us about your depression and anxiety! I could have helped! We all could have helped!" 

Pidge started to cry. "You almost died! I already lost one brother, I can't lose another! We all love you so much!"

Lance wrapped Pidge in a hug and held her as she cried. "I'm not gonna say 'it's all ok' because it's not. I fucked up, I should have told you guys. I was just embarrassed and I didn't wanna be even more of a burden-"

"You are NOT a burden! You're part of this team. You're apart of this family! If we lost you, nothing would be the same. I thought my heart was gonna stop when I saw Shiro trying to hold you back from- from the-"

Pidge started to cry even harder.

"Oh god, I never wanted you to see that. I am so so so sorry." 

Lance started crying and hugged Pidge tighter.

They stayed like that for a while before Pidge wiped her tears and looked up at Lance.

"We should go, Hunk is probably freaking out."

Lance smiled at her before they continued the walk to his room. 

 

 

 

Lance laid in his (and Shiros) bed with Hunk on one side and Pidge on the other.

The Little Mermaid played on Pidges laptop. They all made jokes and sang along to the songs before Lance noticed Pidge had fallen asleep.

He gently nudged Hunk.

"Wha-"

"Shh!" Lance pointed at Pidge.

Hunk looked over before turning off the laptop and sitting it on the nightstand.

Lance took of Pidges glasses and sat them on the laptop. Hunk turned the lights off and got back in bed.

"Goodnight Hunk."

"Goodnight Lance."

Lance closed his eyes and smiled. He felt so happy. Genuinely happy. I guess I kinda forgot what happy felt like.

 Lance fell asleep quickly with a small smile on his face. 

 

 

 

Lance woke up. It's so dark.

 He waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before getting up.

He looked at the clock in the corner of the room. 4:13 CT. 

Lance frowned. He had only slept for three hours.

He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He laid there for a few minutes before groaning and carefully crawling over Pidge.

He walked over to his desk and felt around for his 'phone' and headphones.

Once he found them he walked out of the room and down the hallway.

 I'm just getting some water and taking a walk. Nothing big. No one will know. 

Lance walked into the kitchen and poured himself some water.

He plugged the headphones into the 'phone' and hit shuffle on the music Pidge had helped him download a while ago. He started walking down the hallway just as Toxic by Britney Spears came on. He hummed along before stopping and leaning against the wall.

Lance felt.. tired? No, not tired.

He walked into the closest room. The observation room.

 Lance sat down on the floor and looked out the window. Something was definitely wrong. 

 

 

 

Keith left the training room and started walking down the hallway.

The castle was always eerily quiet at night, besides the soft rumble of it's engines.

He walked by the Observation Room before stopping. He walked back over to it and pressed his ear to the door.

"I try to laughhh about it, cover it all up with lies. I try and laugh about ittt. Hiding the tears in my eyesss. Cause boysss don't cryyyyy, boysss don'ttt cryyyy."

If it was any other time of day and Lance wasn't currently on suicide watch, Keith would have laughed. He stepped into the room.

Lance was laying on the floor by the window with his eyes shut. "Lance?"

"I would break down at your feet and beg forgiveness, pleaddd with youuu. But I know that it's too late and now there's nothing I can dooo."

Keith pulled the headphones off Lances head. Lances eyes flew open and he sat up.

"What the hell- ew it's youuu. What? Looking for another fight?"

"What are you doing?! Why are you by yourself?!"

Lance got up and pointed his finger at Keith. "That is noneee of your business."

"What's wrong with you- wait are you drunk?"

"HA! I wish!" Lance sat down in a chair. "Soooo how are things with my boyfriend?"

Keith looked at him in shock. "What?"

Lance rolled his eyes before smirking at him. "Is he good?"

Keith blushed. "I would never-!"

"Yeah yeah whatever don't lie to me."

Lance picked up his cup before dropping it causing it to break. "Fuck! Look what you did!"

"Me?! What is wrong with you, I need to clean this up."

Keith walked down the hall where the closet of cleaning supplies was.

Lance stared at one of the larger shards of glass. He picked it up and brought it closer to his face. "It's so strange."

Keith walked back in with a broom. "What are you doing?!"

He reached for the shard but Lance pulled his hand away. "You're gonna get hurt!"

Lance pressed the shard into his hand. "Oops." 

Chapter Text

Lance let the shard fall to the ground. He stared at his hand in shock. 

Keith quickly disposed of the glass before trying to get Lance to the infirmary. 

"Lance.. we need to go." 

Lance continued to stare at his hand. "Where?" 

"To the infirmary." 

Lance didn't move.

"Lance! Let's go!" 

"No." 

Keith let out a frustrated groan and moved to pick up Lance. "Come on-!"

Lance pushed him away and screamed at the top of his lungs. 

Keith backed away. "What is wrong with you!?" 

"I told you not to touch me!" 

Keith looked down at the blood on the floor. "Ok! I won't touch you but we need to go!" 

Lance sat there for a few seconds before hesitantly getting up and walking over to the door.

 

 

 

Lance sat down in a chair while Keith rummaged through the cabinets. 

"Here, I found this weird goo stuff to clean the cut." 

Lance flinched as Keith put the goo on his cut. 

"Does it hurt?" 

"No, it was just cold." 

Lance rubbed the goo in and started to wrap his hand up in bandages. 

"Lance..?" 

"What." 

Keith awkwardly crossed his arms.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me but um why were you out of your room?" 

Lance looked up at him. 

"I couldn't sleep so I decided to get some water and take a walk." 

"But you know-" 

Lance sighed. "Yeah I know I'm not supposed to be by myself." 

It stayed quiet for a few minutes before Keith spoke again. 

"Why were you acting like that?" 

"..I think it might have been this pill I had earlier." 

"What pill?!" 

Lance leaned back in the chair. "Calm down. Pidge and Coran gave it to me. They said it was weird.." 

Keith frowned. "Do you still want to- uh you know..?" 

Lance glared at him. 

"You're really horrible at this."

"Just answer the question." 

Lance rolled his eyes. "You're gonna have to be more specific."

"You know what I'm asking!" 

Lance stood up. 

"Do I still want to kill myself?! Honestly, I don't know! I do know that I wish I would have stayed on earth! With my family and my meds! But no I had to be an idiot and try to sneak out!" Lance started to cry. "I wouldn't have ever been forced to be with you! But I wouldn't have met Coran or Allura. I would never have gotten to pilot a real ship. I would still cry in my dorm every night because my boyfriend just disappeared! I thought he was dead- I would have never known-!" 

Lance covered his face up and started sobbing. 

"Hey- Um let's go to your room ok?!" 

Lance shook his head no. 

"Uh, how about my room!?" 

Lance thought for a second before nodding his head.

 

 

 

Keith sat down on his bed next to Lance. 

"...Can I touch you now?" 

Lance glared at him through his tears before quickly nodding.

Keith gulped before wrapping Lance in hug. 

"I'm so so so sorry. I never knew what was going on I'm so stupid!" 

Lance hugged him back. 

"I fucking hate you! Why'd we always have to be so mean to each other!?"

"Because you insisted that we were rivals." 

Lance hugged Keith tighter. 

"Never again."

Keith smiled.

"I'm not sleeping with Shiro. He's like my older brother! I've never even slept with anyone-" 

Lance snorted. "Keith Kogane is a virgin?!" 

Keith rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to be nice right now-" 

"I know, I was just joking."

They laid on Keith bed in silence for a long time just thinking. Keith turned to Lance.

"What did you mean earlier? About you being at the garrison and thinking your boyfriend was dead?" 

Lance gasped. "Did I really say that?!" 

"Yeah. Were you guys-?" 

"NO! We weren't!" 

Keith eyes widened before he looked back at the ceiling. 

"You don't have to lie.."

Lance took a deep breath. "You can't tell anyone, especially Shiro."

Keith nodded. 

"Promise you won't tell anyone!" 

"I promise I won't tell anyone." 

 

Chapter Text

"I was 16 when I met Shiro. I thought he was amazing and I had the biggest crush on him. I was still struggling with some stuff at the time and he was older than me so I never did anything about it. But then one day I was walking to the cafeteria and of course I wasn't paying attention so I walked right into him. Iverson was there so he started going off on me about how I could have injured my superior but Shiro just looked at me and said 'Wow, you have the most beautiful eyes..' Isn't that crazy?!"

Lance turned to face Keith who quickly nodded.

"Anyways then he freaked out and apologized. The next day he invited me to have lunch with him, I accepted of course. We got to know each other and we had lunch together every Wednesday."

Keith sighed. "I always wondered where he went to Wednesdays"

"Then one day while we were eating he told me he had been chosen for the Kerberos mission and that he would be leaving in three months. Of course I was happy for him but-"

"I know the feeling."

"So I thought 'I need to tell him how I feel.' I didn't know when I'd see him again and I'd rather get rejected than be pining after a man in space."

Lance took a deep breath.

"The month before Kerberos I told him to meet me after dinner in the observation room. I prepared to get rejected and I told him how I felt."

"What'd he say?"

Lance held back his tears.

"He told me he felt the same way. I was so shocked, I started crying. He hugged me and told me it was ok and that he cared about me so much. We never did anything of course, he would kiss me on my forehead but that was it. Then the big day came and I didn't know what to do. He was with you for the most part but before he left he- oh god." 

Lance grabbed onto Keith’s hand before quickly letting go. 

"Sorry-!"

"It's ok, I don't mind." Keith grabbed onto Lances hand and squeezed it. 

 

 

 

"He told me he would call me whenever he could and then he kissed me and told me he loved me. Then he left. It had been a few months and he had told me he'd call me tomorrow. I waited and waited. I told myself he was just busy but then I heard what everyone was saying. 'The mission failed. They're all dead.' I couldn't believe it. I-"

Lance swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I relapsed that night. Hunk found out and made me promise I wouldn't ever do it again. I broke it. I broke the promise." 

Lance squeezed Keiths hand and started to cry.

"Um- when was the first time you uh did it?" 

"..I was 14. My older sister Elina was 26. She was in the car with her husband William and my niece Kathryn. They were driving to our house because I was sick and no one else could take care of me. I told them I was old enough to help myself but Elina insisted that they come. I waited all day for them. It was 5:32 when my brother called me. A drunk driver had hit their car. Will and Elina died on impact and Kat was in the hospital. She passed away a few hours later." 

Lance started to shake.

"She was only three years old. It was all my fault. I'm the one who went swimming and stayed in my wet clothes. If I hadn't gotten sick they would have never-" 

"It's not your fault. It's the drivers fault." 

Lance wiped his tears. 

"I started cutting after that. Four months later I got into my bath tub and I- well you get the picture. My brother Sam found me. I was taken to the ER and put on suicide watch. My family was so upset and Hunk didn't let me out of his sight for months. I was ok until Kerberos, then I got better again. I never believed Shiro was dead but some nights I would start to wonder if he really was.." 

Keith hugged Lance. "I know how that feels." 

Lance hugged him back before pulling away. 

"The night we found Shiro I was so happy. But he didn't remember me. 'Lance, right?' Yeah it's me, Lance! How are you supposed to tell someone that you're their boyfriend? I almost relapsed but I told myself no use crying over spilt milk." 

"Lance.."

"After we had been in the ship for about a year he came to my room in the middle of the night. He hugged me and told me he remembered everything. You know, I slapped him. I couldn't believe that after all that he just showed up in the middle of the night-" 

Lance took a deep breath.

"I know it wasn't his fault. I was just so upset. I think he feels guilty about being with me. Since he started dating me when I was still technically a child. I know that's why he only kisses me. Why he barely kisses me." 

Lance started crying again and Keith wrapped him in a hug. 

"Let's get some sleep, ok?" 

Lance nodded his head and they both got comfortable. 

"Thanks Keith." 

Keith smiled at Lance. "No problem." 

 

 

 

Shiro knocked on Keiths door.

"Keith wake up. Lance is missing." 

It stayed silent.

"I'm coming in." 

Shiro walked into Keiths room and froze.

Keith had his arm around Lance and they were both fast asleep. 

He quickly walked out of the room and made his way to the kitchen.

Hunk looked up at him. "Where's Keith?"

"He's sleeping."

"Any sign of Lance?"

Shiro leaned against the wall. "He's with Keith."

"Wha- where?!" 

"In his bed." 

Hunk looked at him in surprise. "What?! Why?!"

"I- ..I don't know."

Chapter Text

Lance woke up to the feeling of warmth. 

He automatically snuggled into the person holding him.

"Good morning Kashi." 

Lance turned to look at his lover before gasping.

"Keith-? Oh!" 

Lance quickly turned to look at the clock. 13:27 CT

"Keith, wake up!" 

Keith groaned before turning to face the wall.

"Come on! It's already past noon! Everyone's probably freaking out!"

Keith sat up and rubbed his eyes. 

"It's fine, we'll just tell them what happened."

Lance got out of the bed and put his shoes on. 

"..Don't tell them everything." 

"I'll just say that I found you on the observation deck, brought you back here and we went to sleep." 

Lance sighed before nodding his head and walking into the bathroom.

 

 

 

Keith and Lance ran into the control room to find Allura, Coran and Pidge.

Lance tried to catch his breath. 

"I'm sooooo sorry! I was with Keith-!" 

Allura interrupted him.

"We already know. We would just like to know why you were with him." 

Keith crossed his arms.

"I found Lance on the observation deck. He was acting weird so I took him back to my room and we went to sleep. I'm sorry I didn't let anyone know." 

Coran gasped. "Oh! It must have been the pill!"

Lance nodded.

"Come here! Let me see!" 

Lance walked over to Coran and took his bandages off.

"Great! There's still scarring of course but that's to be expected-! Wait, why is your hand bandaged?" 

Keith spoke up. 

"He dropped his cup last night and accidentally cut himself while we were cleaning up."

Pidge looked at him in suspicion. 

"You're sure it was an accident?" 

"Yes." 

Lance looked at Allura. 

"How did you know I was with Keith?" 

"Shiro told us. He went to get Keith and saw you two sleeping."

Keiths eyes widened. "What?! Where is he?!" 

"In the kitchen with Hunk." 

Keith ran out of the room.

Pidge turned to face Lance.

"Shouldn't you go too? He's the only person you haven't talked to."

Lance looked down at the ground. 

"I don't know if I can face him yet.."

Coran placed his hand on his shoulder. 

"Just talk to him when your ready." 

Lance nodded before looking back at Pidge. 

"Could you take me to him?"

 

 

 

Keith ran into the kitchen. 

Shiro and Hunk looked at him in surprise. 

Huck sighed. "Jeez, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry. Shiro, wanna go train?" 

Shiro stood up. "Sure, is that ok with you?" 

Hunk nodded. "Yeah go ahead."

A few minutes after Shiro and Keith left, Lance and Pidge walked in. 

"You're finally awake!"

Lance smiled. "Yeah sorry, last night was weird. Where's Keith and Shiro?" 

"They just left to go train."

Pidge turned to leave. "Ok, I'm heading back. I still have work to do." 

"See ya." 

Hunk looked back at Lance. "So do you want to go see them?"

"Actually, I need to talk to you." 

 

 

 

 

Hunk sat down the recipe book he was holding. "Ok, what's up?" 

Lance sat down and took a deep breath.

"Last night I told Keith everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything." 

Hunk leaned back against the counter. "..So he knows about Elina."

Lance nodded. 

"It's good that you opened up to someone else." 

Lance nodded again and looked down at the ground. "I told him something else too. Something I never told you." 

"What?"

"I had to keep it a secret!"

Hunk walked over to Lance and grabbed his hand. "Hey, it's ok. I'm not mad."

Lance squeezed his hand. 

"I was dating Shiro at the garrison." 

Hunks eyes widened. "Wha-?! Why didn't you tell me?!" 

"I didn't want him to get in trouble! I'm sorry I never told you."

Hunk frowned. "I knew you liked him but I never thought-" 

"Yeah I never thought I'd be dating him either." 

Hunk hugged Lance. "..That's why you relapsed that night. You should have told me, Lance!" 

Lance hugged him back and started crying. "He didn't remember me when we found him. It took him a year! It took him a year to remember me.."

"That's not his fault.."

"I know that! It still hurt me though.." 

Hunk went back to leaning on the counter. "Have you talked to him?"

"..Not yet."

"You need to."

Lance sighed "I know." 

 

 

 

Shiro sat down on the floor next to Keith.

"That's enough for today."

Keith turned to face him. "I'm sorry I slept in today." 

"It's fine. We all deserve to sleep in."

"..I know it was probably really weird to see that." 

Shiro looked at him in confusion. "What?" 

"Lance and me. He was just having a rough night and he didn't wanna go back to his room." 

"..Oh no, it's not weird! I was just shocked-" 

Keith looked at him. "I don't understand why everyone feels the need to lie to me. You've been acting weird this whole time."

Shiro sighed. "When did you two get so close?" 

"I already told you he was just having a rough night and I couldn't just leave him there." 

"You had your arm around him." 

Keith groaned. "He was crying! I was comforting him, it's not what you think!"

"Wait, he was crying?!"

Keith crossed his arms. "I'm not supposed to be telling you this but he told me about the Garrison."

Shiro looked at him in shock. "What do you mean?" 

"He told me that you two were together at the Garrison."

Chapter Text

"Lance told you this?"

Keith nodded. "..I'm not supposed to say anything. I promised him." 

"What else did he say?"

"I can't tell you. You need to talk to him-" 

Shiro suddenly stood up. "Lance doesn't want to talk to me. He made that obvious when he went to your room."

Keith stared at him in shock. "Wha-?! You're acting like a child! What do you think happened?! I told you we just talked and went to sleep!"

"I don't know what happened. You keep adding more to the story so how do I know you didn't-" 

Keith stood and glared at him. "I would never do that to you or Lance. He loves you and I would never take advantage of someone, especially in his situation! You're overreacting and you need to get your shit together before this whole team falls apart!" 

Shiro crossed his arms and frowned. "Do not speak to me like that."

 

 

 

Lance and Hunk walked onto the training deck and froze. 

Hunk stepped infront of Lance. 

"What are you two doing?"

Keith and Shiro both looked over at Hunk. 

Keith leaned the wall. "Nothing, just talking." 

"About?"

Shiro caught sight of Lance. "Secrets."

Lance's eyes widened and he turned to look at Keith. 

"Secrets?"

Keith glared at Shiro. "What are you-!"

Shiro stared at Lance. "I was just saying how I hate it when I tell someone to keep something a secret and they tell everyone." 

Lance swallowed the lump in his throat. "....I'm sorry."

"What? Why are you sorry?" 

Lance didn't answer. He could feel his throat tightning as he struggled to breathe. Tears started to fill his eyes and he quickly turned away. 

Shiro realized what was happening and ran over to Lance. "Wait no-!" 

Hunk quickly got between them. "Stop. You've done enough. You too, Keith."

Hunk grabbed Lances hand and squeezed it. "Deep breaths buddy. Just like Elina said." 

Lance tried to stop crying as he gained control of his breathing. 

"There we go. How about we go back to my room?"

Lance turned to look at Keith. "I trusted you, asshole! What happened to our promise?! I told you about the Garrison! I told you about Elina!" 

Lance pointed at Shiro. 

"I told you about the night he disappeared! I told you everything! You promised not to tell but you did!

Keith moved towards him. "I only said I knew about the Garrison-"

"I don't care."

"Lance-!"

Lance avoided eye contact with everyone. "I don't care anymore. Tell them. Tell everyone. I give up, I can't do it anymore. Please don't try to stop me." 

Lance ran out the door. 

Hunk immediately started chasing him. "Keith, go get the others! Shiro, come with me!" Shiro quickly followed Hunk out of the room.

Keith stood there for a few seconds before running to the control room.

 

 

 

Lance ran down the hallway as fast as he could. 

He made his way to the stairs before running up. He could hear Shiro and Hunk yelling for him but he blocked them out. 

You're so close. You can't hesitate this  time. Just jump.   

Shiro grabbed Lance's shirt and pulled him back. 

"STOP-!"

Shiro pulled him onto the floor and held him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Don't do this again. I can't, I can't do this again!" 

Lance tried to push him away. "I hate you!"

"I love you! I love you so much, Lance. Don't leave me, please don't leave me." 

Lance looked up at him. 

"You can't say that when you left me!"

Shiro froze. 

"You left me, Kashi! I was alone! Then when I finally found you, you didn't even remember me! I wanted to die! I still want to-!"

Shiro hugged him tighter. 

"Don't say that."

"I want to die, Kashi! I have no purpose! I shouldn't even be here! I shouldn't be with you. I'm completely worthless."