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We Were Already Waiting

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“Okay, don’t get your hopes up,” Emma said from the doorway to the den, where Killian was stretched out on the leather sofa, a book in his hand. He tended to retreat to this room when he’d had enough of the ‘constant racket’ of the television, either because Emma was indulging her addiction to baking or drag queen competition shows, or because Henry was engrossed in a video game, headphones on and a litany of game-speak and swearing issuing from his lips into the microphone to whomever was listening on the other side.

Lowering his book, he arched an eyebrow at her. “About what?”

“I’m late.”

Killian sat up quickly. “You mean…”

“Yeah. My period is late.”

“How late?”

She grimaced. “Well, only like a day, but--”

“I don’t recall your cycle being quite that precise, darling.” He leaned back, relaxing against the sofa cushions.

“I know, that’s why I said don’t get your hopes up. I’m just keeping you in the loop.” She saw a familiar flash of confusion on his face. He’d learned so many modern idioms and cultural references during his years in this realm, but she still occasionally managed to stumble across one he didn’t know. “I’m keeping you up-to-date on the situation in my uterus.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough. Come here.” She walked over, and Killian pulled her between his splayed knees and wrapped his arms around her waist, looking up into her face. “I love you.”

Another day went by, a busy one, but the fact that she still hadn’t gotten her period was a constant thought in the back of her mind. A stash of pregnancy tests already waited in a drawer in the bathroom, but she wasn’t going to use one yet. She made a deal with herself to wait two more days. For his part, Killian didn’t pester her, but she saw him eyeing the garbage can in the bathroom while he brushed his teeth that night, probably looking for a tampon wrapper. It was obviously on his mind as well.

She lasted one more day.

“I’m gonna take a test,” she told him over dinner at Granny’s. Henry was at Regina’s, and neither of them had felt like cooking.

“For what?” he said as he popped a french fry into his mouth.

She glanced around, not wanting anyone to overhear her, especially Granny. The last thing she wanted was for Storybrooke to run rampant with rumors about a pregnancy that might not even be real.

“For… you know.” She pointed as unobtrusively as she could to her stomach.

Killian frowned at her. “Don’t you have to visit the doctor about that?”

“Not at first.” She realized she’d never actually explained home pregnancy tests to him. “I’ll show you at home.”

She led him upstairs and into the bathroom as soon as they returned to the house, opened a drawer and pulled out a bright pink box, handing it to him. He turned it over in his hands, reading what was written on it and shaking his head. “I’ll never cease to be amazed by the medical marvels of this realm.” He handed her the box, and she ran her nail underneath the plastic seal, opening it. Upending it on the bathroom counter, two thin packages and a bundle of paper covered in small print fell out. Killian grabbed up the instructions while Emma picked up one of the tests, ripping open the package and turning the test over and over in her hands.

“Now they have these ones that just say ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’. With Henry, it was…” She suddenly felt a wash of anxiety crest over her, and she pushed past Killian to go back into the bedroom and sit down on the bed.

He followed her. “You all right?”

Emma stared down at the floor. “I didn’t go to the prison infirmary until I was several weeks late. I thought it was just the stress of being in jail. The food was making me nauseous, but I thought it was because it was so disgusting. My breasts were sore, and I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I guess I was in denial.”

Killian sat down beside her and took one of her hands, saying nothing.

“I told the nurse why I’d come, and she asked me a couple of questions and then shoved one of these tests at me and told me to go back to my cell and take it.” Emma leaned over, putting her head on Killian’s shoulder. “I waited several more days. I don’t remember how long. I just… as long as I didn’t take it, then it wasn’t true. I wasn’t pregnant. As soon as I took the test, then it was real.”

He brought her hand to his lips, pressing a long kiss against it. “I’m sorry, love.”

She shrugged and sat back up. “It was a long time ago.” Squeezing her eyes shut briefly, she stood up and took a deep breath. “I’m gonna go do this now.”

“These instructions say it works better first thing in the morning.”

“I don’t care. I’ve got extras. If it’s negative, I’ll take another one tomorrow.”

He was watching her carefully, a lot of emotions in his eyes that she couldn’t quite identify. “All right.”

“For the record, I feel very differently about it now. In case that’s not obvious,” she said with an awkward laugh.

“I know, love.”

She closed the door to the bathroom, her hands trembling. How badly she wanted to be pregnant right now, combined with the suddenly overwhelming memories of how badly she didn’t want to be pregnant two decades ago, was a potent combination. Pulling down her jeans and underwear, she removed the cap from the end and sat down on the toilet, holding the pregnancy test in place and waiting. She didn’t particularly need to pee, but eventually managed it.

Killian was still sitting on the bed in exactly the same position when she came out of the bathroom. He raised his eyebrow at her.

“Three minutes,” she said, sitting down beside him again. Killian took her hand, threading their fingers together. She nudged him with her shoulder. “You okay, pirate?”

His smile was tight, and she could tell he was nervous and trying to hide it for her sake. “Of course. Whichever way this goes is fine. If you aren’t pregnant, then I’ll very much enjoy trying again.” He kissed her on the cheek.

“You know we get to have sex again either way,” she said, smirking.

“Hush.” He squeezed her hand.

“You’re really nervous,” she said, her grin widening. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so nervous.”

He exhaled shakily. “I know it’s different in this realm, and that carrying a baby isn’t considered all that dangerous here. And yet, I can’t keep myself from thinking about all the things that could go wrong.”

He’d mentioned this to her when they decided to try, but she hadn’t realized it was still troubling him. “Well, don’t get ahead of yourself, I may not even be pregnant.” She leaned into him again, soaking up the warmth of his body. They sat quietly together, hands entwined.

“I think it’s been three minutes, love,” he said.

“Yeah.” She let go of his hand, rubbing her sweaty palms off on her jeans. “Here we go.” She walked into the bathroom, picked the test up off of the countertop, and looked at the result.

Saying nothing, she walked back into the bedroom and handed it to Killian. She felt a floaty sensation, making the moment surreal.

He looked at the test for a long second, set it carefully down on the bedside table, and then pulled her into his arms, eyes falling closed as he pressed a reverent kiss to her belly.

“Are you happy?” she whispered, putting her hands on either side of his face.

She could feel his smile under her palms. “Deliriously.”

Emma laughed. “We’re having a baby.”

“Aye.”

She pushed on his shoulders, tipping him backwards onto the bed so that she could pounce on him, giddy and still laughing even as she tried to press their lips together. “Are you worried, though?”

“I’m bloody terrified,” he said, his hand coming up and lifting some of the hair away from her face.

“Yeah.” She planted another smacking kiss on his lips. “Me too, I think.”

“Do you want to tell your parents?”

Emma rolled off of him, collapsing onto her back, their legs hanging off the bed. “Not yet. I mean, traditionally you don’t tell anyone for the first trimester because it’s common to miscarry, and you don’t necessarily want everyone to know about that if it happens.”

“Sounds prudent.”

“But I sort of feel like I’d tell my parents anyway, so maybe we should tell them soon? And Henry too. I don’t know.” She sighed, turning her head to look at him. “What do you think we should do?”

“I think you should let me lie here and gaze at you, awestruck that you’re carrying my child, for a few more minutes,” Killian murmured, hand reaching over to caress her face.

“Okay. I can do that.”

~*~

Emma ended up telling Henry the following week, when she walked into the kitchen where Killian was cooking dinner, took one whiff, and had to slap her hand to her mouth and race to the powder room to throw up.

Henry was waiting for her when she opened the door. “Mom, you should go lie down and I’ll bring you some crushed ice,” he said, and the fact that he wanted to take care of her was so touching, she almost cried.

“I’m okay. But if you wouldn’t mind getting me a ginger ale from the fridge, I’m gonna go sit on the porch where I can’t smell fish.” She shuddered.

Henry gave her an odd look, but went off to do as she asked. Emma detoured to her purse, pulled out a pack of Saltines, and slipped out the back door.

Her son joined her a few minutes later, ginger ale in hand, just as she was shoving a cracker into her mouth. “Mom, are you sure you should be eating if you’re sick?”

Emma winced. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

He sat down in the rocking chair next to hers. “Because you know you feel better at first, but then if you eat, you’ll just throw up again. I learned that lesson one time with strawberries, and--”

“I’m not sick, I’m pregnant,” she blurted out. “So food smells are starting to bother me.”

Henry’s eyes went wide. “Oh. Um, that’s awesome. Wow, Mom, congratulations.”

She grinned as she put another cracker in her mouth. “Thanks,” she mumbled as she chewed.

“Is Killian thrilled?”

She nodded, swallowing. “And ‘bloody terrified’,” she said, making air quotes. “Listen, you’re the first person we’ve told, so don’t say anything to anyone else.”

“I won’t.” She watched him digest the news, her nearly grown son who was going to have a brother or sister nineteen years younger.

“Henry, when my mom was pregnant with Neal, and I thought about all the things he was going to get that I didn’t have, growing up with my parents when I’d had to grow up in the system… I don’t like to admit this, but I was jealous. He was a tiny, helpless baby, and I loved him, but I also kind of hated him a little bit.”

“I see where you’re going with this, but--”

“I just want you to know I understand. And also that no one will ever replace you, and you’ll always be my favorite first-born son.”

Henry rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”

“I love you, Henry.”

“Me too, Mom. And Killian’s gonna be a great dad. Because… you know. He is a great dad.”

“Stop it, you’re making me cry,” she said, reaching for the can of ginger ale.

“Aren’t you supposed to cry all the time now? That’s what I’ve seen on TV, so it must be true.” He grinned at her.

“Shut up.”

~*~

They kept it to themselves for a few more weeks, mainly because Emma was a little afraid that her mother would spill the beans to everyone she knew. In the meantime, Killian accompanied her to her first doctor’s appointment, listening intently to everything they were told and asking a lot of questions about the best way to keep her healthy when she seemed unable to eat anything that wasn’t extremely bland, which meant her diet was consisting mostly of rice, pasta, crackers, and her huge prenatal vitamins.

Emma knew she’d put off telling her parents long enough, though, when Zelena guessed.

She’d run into Zelena and Regina at the park, where they were playing with Robyn. Stopping to say hello, Emma very quickly regretted her choice.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” the former witch said bluntly, pointing at Emma’s midsection as she stood with them over by the swing set.

Emma put her hand over her abdomen. “No, I… had a big lunch.” She was starting to show, just a little. Having had one baby so many years ago, her belly seemed ready to stick out at the first opportunity. She’d already had to abandon some of her jeans, and today she’d opted for leggings, which had perhaps been a mistake.

Zelena and Regina stared at her with matching skeptical eyebrows.

“Okay, fine, I’m pregnant,” Emma admitted.

Zelena smiled smugly. “I thought so. Can’t hide it on that rail-thin body, Emma.”

“Congratulations,” Regina said warmly, giving her a hug. “That’s wonderful news.”

“Listen, please don’t say anything to anyone. Henry’s the only other person who knows.”

“We won’t,” Regina reassured her. “How’s Hook handling it? Coddling you until you’re tempted to punch him in the face, I bet.”

Emma grimaced. “We’re not at face-punching yet, but he is being a bit of a mother hen sometimes, yeah.”

“Aww, I think that’s sweet,” Zelena said. “Although if you do punch him, I want to see video.”

Regina may have agreed to keep quiet, but Emma didn’t necessarily trust Zelena not to gossip. As a result, she and Killian decided to drive out to the farm that evening and tell her parents before they heard it from Leroy, shouting the news at the top of his lungs as he raced through the town.

Emma turned off the engine, but made no move to get out of the car.

“You all right, darling?” Killian asked, reaching out to brush her hair away from her face.

“This is strange, isn’t it? Hey, Mom and Dad, we fucked and now I’m growing a person inside me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. In fact, please don’t put it that way.”

She began to laugh then, finding it bubbling out of her uncontrollably all of a sudden. Killian started to snicker too, and it took a few minutes for them to calm themselves down enough to get out of the car and walk to the door.

“What brings you guys out for a visit on a Wednesday?” Snow asked once they were settled in the sitting room. “Not that I mind. It’s always good to see you. But I thought we were planning for dinner this Sunday.”

“We are, but we wanted to tell you something in person.” Emma took Killian’s hand, suddenly nervous. She’d told Killian by showing him the pregnancy test, blurted the news to Henry without thinking, and then Zelena had figured it out. Now she had to sit here and just say it, and to her parents. “We’re having a baby. I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, Emma!” Snow leapt to her feet, beaming. “This is wonderful!” Her arms swept out to the sides, so Emma stood up and let herself be pulled into an enthusiastic hug by her mother. She glanced up saw her father standing just behind them, waiting his turn.

“And Killian!” Snow went on, letting her daughter go and moving toward her son-in-law. “Congratulations!”

“I’m so happy for you,” David said softly, his strong arms pulling her into a hug, hand cradling her head the way he always did when he hugged her. He finally stood back and looked at her, and she could tell that his eyes were glassy with tears. “My amazing, brilliant daughter.”

“I didn’t know you’d definitely decided to try!” Snow said.

“Well, it’s not exactly something you tell your parents,” Emma said with an eye roll, glancing over to her husband. He was shaking David’s hand, and she was amused to see his cheeks were flushed pink. “For one thing, then you would have been constantly wondering and waiting--”

“We were already waiting, Emma,” Snow chided her good-naturedly. “How far along are you? Tell me everything.”

“About nine weeks,” she answered, her hand drifting down to the small bump under her shirt.

Snow pulled her down to sit together on the sofa. “And how’s the morning sickness been? Are your breasts tender? Because mine--”

“Okay,” David said quickly, interrupting. “That’s my cue to get the father of my next grandchild a beer.”

Emma pouted at the men as they left the room. She would much prefer having a beer with the guys to being forbidden to drink alcohol and talking about boobs with her mother.

“Are you happy?” Snow asked her.

“Yeah. I really am.” She sighed heavily. “But at the same time, everything reminds me of being pregnant with Henry, and that was without a doubt the lowest time in my life. And then that makes me feel guilty, both because of Henry, but also because I’m not… I don’t know. Aglow with the joy of motherhood or whatever.”

“Henry knows?”

“Yeah, he saw me running to throw up a few weeks ago, so I told him. And he’s being amazing. If he’s jealous or resentful, he’s hiding it really well.”

“I should have guessed the minute you walked through the door. Killian was looking even more lovestruck than usual.”

Emma felt her cheeks warm up. “Was he? Wait, does he usually?”

“Emma. Surely you know the way he looks at you. The way he’s always looked at you.” Snow patted her hand. “That man wears his heart on his sleeve. He must be over the moon about this baby.”

“He is, but he’s also freaking out. He’s basically convinced I’m gonna die in childbirth.”

“Well, his own mother--”

“I know.” Emma combed a hand through her hair. “I’ve thought about sending him articles about the percentage of births that go completely normally in this country, but I’m not sure it will help.”

“It might.” Snow leaned over hugged her again. “I’m so excited!” she said, bouncing a little bit on the sofa.

“Ugh, Mom, you’re making me seasick. Stop.”

Snow looked chagrined. “I’m sorry. Can I get you anything?”

Emma gave her mother a wincing smile. “I don’t suppose you have any ginger ale?”

~*~

She lay in bed and combed her fingers through Killian’s hair. “There’s really nothing to feel down there yet, babe.”

He turned his head from where he had been resting it cautiously against her bare abdomen and pressed his lips to the tiny swell of her belly. “I know.” He kissed a slow trail up toward her breasts, his mouth so gentle. Even so, he paused. “Is this all right? I’m not hurting you?”

“It’s fine.”

He lavished careful attention on each breast, clearly enjoying their larger size even if he might never admit it. Eventually, Emma got impatient to move things along and tried to pull him on top of her, but Killian resisted.

“Maybe we should… another position? I don’t want to crush you,” he said, hesitant.

“Oh, no. I want to enjoy you on top of me while I still can.” She pulled his arm again and this time he moved, positioning himself over her. “You’ll get sick of fucking me from behind when that’s all we can do.”

Killian laughed. “That is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.” He shifted his hips, dragging his erection against her. “If you’re sure I’m not hurting you.”

“I promise I’m not that fragile, Killian.” She writhed under him, desperate to feel him inside her. “Please…”

He adjusted the angle of his hips and drove into her, making Emma gasp and loll her head back against her pillow.

“God, that feels amazing,” she groaned. She’d been coming home from work and dozing off on the sofa by eight o’clock, only awakening long enough to eventually drag herself upstairs to bed. They hadn’t had sex in almost two weeks and she’d been too busy sleeping to masturbate, and suddenly Emma couldn’t imagine how she’d gone without for so long. Her body’s desperation was like a tangible thing.

Killian might’ve at least been enjoying the pleasure of his hand in the meantime, but he seemed no less hungry for her as she was for him. Emma wrapped her arms and legs around him and met him thrust for thrust, both of them racing to the finish. It couldn’t have been more than two minutes before their climaxes hit simultaneously, voices harsh with relieved cries. Emma started to laugh almost immediately after her orgasm finished.

“You got there?” Killian panted.

She kept giggling. “Yeah, you couldn’t tell?”

He lifted away from her and collapsed on his side of the bed. “I think I may have blacked out.” He joined her in laughing, his eyes still closed. “Not exactly my best work, I’m afraid.”

“No offense, but I didn’t need your best work. Really, mediocre work was more than enough for me to get off.” She stood up on shaky legs and went to the bathroom, cleaning herself up and pulling on pajamas. When she came back to bed, Killian hadn’t moved, still lying naked and uncovered on the sheets. “I’m hoping in a few weeks I’ll be less tired and more horny,” she told him.

“Given what your body is doing, it would be the height of churlishness for me to ask any more from you, love.”

Emma snorted. “It’s not just for your benefit, it’s for mine. I don’t know if you recall, but I’m pretty fond of sex too.”

He chuckled. “Aye.”

“Hey,” she said, resting her hand on his chest and waiting until he opened his eyes and looked over. “I love you. I can’t wait to watch you being a little person’s Dad.”

His resulting smile was heartbreakingly sweet. “I hope I’m worthy to be called such.”

“You already are worthy. Henry already considers you to be his father in every way that matters.” She reached out and stroked his cheek. “You know that, right?”

“I…” He swallowed, and she could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. “Thank you for saying so.”

Emma shivered, and Killian moved immediately to pull the blankets up from the foot of the bed, tucking them securely around her and then settling down at her side. The last thing she saw before falling asleep was that lovestruck expression her mother had been talking about.