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behind my truth lies (everything you are)

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„Namjoon, I’m cold.“

„Babe, just take a blanket.”

Namjoon dismisses Yoongi with a soft smile upon his lips as he sits with his legs crossed beneath him, a hundreds of Polaroid pictures and photographs displayed in front of him.
The air is thick with nostalgia and something else, maybe a little bit of sadness and mourning and happiness coming from all of these pictures. They go way, way back, when Namjoon and Yoongi still used to live in their hometowns, Namjoon in Illsan and Yoongi in Daegu. Way before they knew what’s about to come and how differently their paths would cross. It’s a happy kind of sadness, looking back at pictures of them, both with tragic fashion sense and even more traffic haircuts, making them look like coconut and hairy caterpillar.


Yoongi is persistent, really really persistent and he can go for hours and hours if he wants. And Namjoon knows he will.

So he takes his eyes off from this particularly amusing picture of Yoongi sleeping, butt naked and who the fuck knows where he even was, with a traffic cone placed directly on his private parts and he’s sure that’s his shoe in the corner of the picture. He puts it back with a quite giggle and turns to Yoongi and- wow, he is looking at him like he just stepped on puppy’s tail.

Yoongi si wrapped in atleast four blankets, Namjoon’s sweater, his sweatpants, two pairs of woolen socks and he is wearing a beanie on his head.
“Did you take all of the blankets?” Namjoon curls his top lip over his teeth to stop himself from laughing because the only thing peeking out from this pile of blankets and clothes is Yoongi’s face, unamused, eyes sharp and digging, lips pressed into thin line. It’s just a face in a pile of fabric and Namjoon can’t help but giggle.

“What do you think, Namjoon?” Yoongi answers, voice flat and without any emotion, he quirks his right eyebrow at Namjoon, almost challenging him to say something else and you’re sleeping on the doorstep.
“New blankets?” Namjoon asks, already standing up on his feet to take his jacket, to put on shoes and grab his wallet. His baby is cold and if it means he has to drive an hour to the nearest store to buy new blankets than he is going to do exactly that.

“New blankets,” Yoongi nods and stands up, reluctantly getting rid of the blankets, keeping the warm clothes on. He can’t resist and wraps one blanket around his shoulders like a cape, just in case.
“I still don’t understand how you’re not cold, it’s fucking freezing,” Yoongi rumbles underneath his nose cutely as he struggles to put on his shoes. Since he is wearing socks made out of thick wool, his little feet are three times bigger in size and it just doesn’t want to slip in.
Namjoon giggles, as he always does, and okay, if the sound of Namjoon’s laugh didn’t set warm feeling in Yoongi’s tummy, he would be mad at his boyfriend laughing at him when he is freezing his butt off, but Namjoon kisses his knee and helps him into his shoes and he can’t be mad at someone so cute like him.

 “I’m bigger than you, you know. I have muscles and you’re just,” Namjoon gestures to Yoongi, just random movements, to show him how small Yoongi is.
“You’re just tiny, baby,” he finishes his sentence with adoring smile on his lips and kiss to Yoongi’s forehead.

(Namjoon doesn’t need to know that the whole time they were walking to their car, Yoongi kept checking if he drags the blanket behind him and yep, he definitely does.)


„Okay, boy, you’re not going in there,“ Yoongi quickly grabs Namjoon’s arm who stops when he sees the giant display of Ryan plushies and blankets and pillow and oh my god, basically everything you can think of.
„We’re here to buy your boyfriend some blankets, not to feed your weird obsession with that freaky thing,” Yoongi drags Namjoon to the bedding section. It’s quite a sight: small, skinny man with bright green beanie on with yellow pompom at the end, dressed in mismatched clothes and bright pink fuzzy blanket dragging a much taller, much bigger in built man with leather jacket on and sweatpants and cool combat boots that looks like he could ruin your life and you’d thank him for that out of the section with Ryan plushies. Sometimes Yoongi thinks how the hell did he get there but every time he sees the man by his side, trying his best to give everything Yoongi needs to him, he would never have it the other way.

They get into the blanket section quickly after Yoongi managed to distract Namjoon out of the yellow, plushy hell by just simply tugging on his sleeve and pulling him down for kiss, pecking his lips few times before kissing the tip of his button nose and gently interlacing their fingers to guide Namjoon in the right direction.
The fact that Namjoon blushes the whole time afterwards, his eyes sparkling and wide makes Yoongi bite into his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling too widely.

“What about this one, babe?”

“Not warm enough.”

“This one?”

“That’s ugly, Namjoon, it doesn’t go with the rest of our living room.”

“Since when do you care what goes and what doesn’t with our living room aesthetic?”

“Since you brought home that monstrosity with a wolf print on it that felt like it was made out of one.”

Namjoon just sighs but smiles fondly to himself as he looks for the perfect blanket for his baby. It has to be bigger than Yoongi, hundred percent because his boy likes to wrap himself up like a cocoon so only his face pokes out, it has to be warm and fuzzy and soft to touch.
Some people say that he spoils Yoongi too much and it might be true sometimes but he promised himself he’d do anything to make Yoongi happy, to see him smile and laugh. Namjoon knows Yoongi wasn’t gifted with a lot of happiness before, the world setting its weight upon his small shoulders. He knows Yoongi struggled a lot, still does sometimes, but he has been so much better and Namjoon likes to think it’s because of him.

He shakes his head slightly to make the bad thoughts fade away and rather focuses on finding the perfect blanket for his baby.
And he knows he found it the second his hand touches something so soft and so fuzzy. (It’s not as soft as Yoongi’s skin but it is close.)

Namjoon pulls it out and it’s just simple brown blanket, nothing too crazy but it’s soft, so soft and he knows Yoongi will love it.
“I think I’ve found one,” Namjoon smiles proudly and shows it to Yoongi who immediately snatches it out of his hands. He studies it for a minute because Yoongi is blanket enthusiast and he takes his blankets very, very seriously before he does something that makes Namjoon want to crawl out of his skin. He brings the blanket to his face, not to smell it, no no, but to rub his nose against it and also both of his cheeks and the whole left side of his face to see if it is really perfectly soft. Namjoon bites his lip, hard, to stop himself from screaming because when did he end up with someone so, so incredibly cute?
Yoongi turns to Namjoon with a smile and he knows he had won again.


“Yoongi, baby, please, can you come out?”

It has been hour since Namjoon and Yoongi returned from their blanket shopping. They bought the brown one but also three others, made out of the same materials and Yoongi has been nearly jumping up and down on his seat. An hour since Yoongi shed all of his clothes but stayed only in Namjoon’s t-shirt and one pair of fuzzy socks because his feet stay cold no matter what. An hour since he basically hid himself under all of those blankets, not a single part of his small body peeking out. He doesn’t take much space since he is small, especially when he curls into himself like he always does but Namjoon’s worried he is going to suffocate himself in his little cocoon and also because he wants to cuddle with his baby. But Yoongi refuses to come out so he does the second best thing: he lifts the blanket up, Yoongi shrieks from the sudden wave of cold but Namjoon just lays down beside him on his side and throws the blanket over them. It’s really hot in there, straight up suffocating heat and Namjoon regrets not taking his sweater off. His feet are poking out from the pile of blankets but it’s all alright because Yoongi curls around him, throwing his leg around Namjoon’s waist, basically half laying on top of him with his head on his chest and his arm curled around Namjoon’s neck, his warm breath hitting Namjoon’s skin.

“You’re good, baby?” Namjoon whispers, pressing his lips into Yoongi’s forehead. Yoongi wiggles beside him before nodding his head yes.

“I wanna be closer to you,” Yoongi whispers quietly and it’s a small sentence but it means absolutely everything to Namjoon. Yoongi lives by the words “actions speak louder than words” so when he voices his thoughts out, when he actually says what he wants instead of just dropping stupid hints or staying completely silent, Namjoon’s startled. But he does whatever Yoongi wants, so he grabs Yoongi’s thighs and hikes him further up on his body so now Yoongi is laying right on top of him. Yoongi smiles and kisses Namjoon’s neck, before he nuzzles his nose into it. Namjoon kisses the crown of his head, pushing the blankets off their faces but still making sure Yoongi is completely covered.
Yoongi can feel every breath Namjoon takes, he can feel his stomach muscles moving beneath him and if he focused hard enough, he could feel Namjoon’s heart beating steadily in his chest.

Yoongi is thankful for a lot of things but his gratitude goes beyond for moments like these.


Parties hosted by Jung Hoseok are always lifetime experience and somehow, Namjoon attends every single one of them. Best friends or whatever.
He doesn’t drink. He likes drinking and getting drunk but he only does that in the security and warmth of their apartment with Yoongi by his side. And someone has to drive them home.
He is there to meet some of his friends that he hasn’t seen in a long time and to take care of Yoongi who told him that he is getting “fucking shitfaced, baby, so be prepared”. Namjoon is always prepared.

Hoseok’s apartment is filled with people that he doesn’t even recognize so he assumes that they have to be people from his dance group. They look like dancers as well, always somehow moving to the beat of whatever song is currently playing.
He sees Jin with Jimin who seemed to finally hit it off since their hands are interlocked, Jimin’s head resting on Jin’s shoulder who leans in to kiss his forehead every five seconds. Namjoon wants to think that him and Yoongi were like that before but that would be a lie. They are still like that.
He waves at them and gives them his best smile, the one where all of his teeth show and his eyes turn into little crescents, the one that makes Yoongi’s knees weak, as the tiny man said himself.
Jin waves at him with his free hand and Jimin gives him a smile that outshines the sun itself and Namjoon sees why Jin is completely head over heels for him. He is a beautiful little thing and fits Jin perfectly.

Namjoon moves to the kitchen to grab himself something to drink, something that doesn’t have a drop of alcohol in it. He hardly doubts there is anything without it.
He finds Hoseok in the kitchen, on the tile floor with some boy basically sitting in his lap and oh my god is he crying?
Namjoon silently asks Hoseok the fuck is going on but Hoseok just motions to Namjoon with his finger to come closer.

“I showed him pictures of my dog,” Hoseok answers simply, the boy in his arms full on sobbing with his face hidden in Hoseok’s neck, his hands fisting Hoseok’s white t-shirt. So this has to be Taehyung.
Yoongi once told him that he teared up when he showed him pictures of his baby Holly.

“His name is Taehyung,” Hoseok confirms Namjoon’s assumptions who nods and grabs a can of soda from the fridge. Hoseok coos at Taehyung and gently rocks him back and forth and this is the weirdest party he has ever been to.
There is someone who looks dangerously, like Jungkook if it weren’t for the obnoxiously big sunglasses on his eyes, sleeping on the kitchen counter with his hand still in a box of Cheerios, with a fur boa wrapped around his neck and Namjoon just raises his eyebrows before he decides to leave it. If you don’t get it, leave it.
He bids Hoseok goodbye before he turns into the living room to try and steal himself a place to sit. He knows Yoongi is with the guys from his basketball team, probably listening to them talking about girls and all the heterosexual stuff. He knows Yoongi is safe. Probably. He knows he wouldn’t do anything stupid like when they were a year after college and Yoongi got so drunk he tried to climb on a fan in someone’s bedroom. He hopes he wouldn’t do it again.

The soda tastes bitter on his tongue and Namjoon suddenly regrets offering himself to be the driver for tonight. He knows Hoseok would gave him a place to stay, to lay down and sleep for few hours before hangover hits one of them and they’ll be running around trying to find bathroom  before they blow their chunks all over Hoseok’s vintage paintings.
As he watches the people around him having fun and dancing and laughing and just having the time of their fucking lives because that’s what Hoseok’s parties do to you, they make you go loose and just live. Live because life can be a bitch and can throw rocks under your feet and make you miserable. Namjoon notices everyone looks beyond happiness and even the ones that are already passed out on the carpet have the faintest hint of smile on their faces. Namjoon suddenly have a strong urge to go and hug Hoseok and thank him for being the nonstop source of happiness.

There is a sudden weight on his lap as a small body plops on top of him. He doesn’t even have to look to know it’s Yoongi. He knows it’s his boy, the body is small and light, the smell is too familiar and also the little giggles that seem to escape Yoongi’s little pink mouth.
“You’re having fun, honey?” Namjoon smiles at Yoongi gently who loops his arms around Namjoon’s neck. He is sitting awkward on his lap, one of Yoongi’s legs bend at awkward angle so he helps him to sit properly, his legs around Namjoon’s waist.

“Hi,” Yoongi beems at him with his cheeks bunched up by how hard he is smiling, his cheeks colour of cherries and his eyes almost invisible. All of his teeth are showing and his skin is glowing with the sheer layer of sweat and he looks like he ate all of the happiness in this world.
His dusty pink hair are matted to his forehead, his bangs sticking to his skin and his breath smells like vodka and punch but Namjoon still wants to kiss him till Yoongi’s breathless.

But Yoongi is still smiling like an idiot, his eyes unfocused and dark and he slurs on his words a little bit as he tries to tell Namjoon something, small hiccups ripping through his throat.
“Do you want to go, sweetheart?” Namjoon asks him gently, his thumb brushing over his cheeks when Yoongi just gives up on his storytelling because now he just keeps on hiccupping. He nods, still pouting and Namjoon stands up with Yoongi clawing at him like his life depends on it. Namjoon likes how light Yoongi is even though sometimes it makes him worried, always making sure Yoongi is on healthy weight and not even a gram underweight. It makes it easier for Namjoon to pick him up and carry him around.

“Wow,” Yoongi’s mouth is turned into little O as his head lays on Namjoon’s shoulder, his arms around his neck and legs around his waist.

“You’re so tall!” Yoongi nearly wheezes, looking like Christmas came early.

“I can see all the way to America from here!” Yoongi squeals when Namjoon carries him to their car and he can’t help but laugh.

“I’m not tall baby, you’re just tiny,” Namjoon presses kiss to Yoongi’s cheek who grins at him, scrunches up his nose before he holds Namjoon face in his hands, squishing his cheeks and nose together.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I am your tiny,” Yoongi whispers to Namjoon, still holding his cheeks squished together, looking around to make sure no one heard him.

And even if Namjoon receives two slaps and three kicks to his shin when he tells Yoongi everything the morning after, Yoongi extremely hangover and grumpy, it’s all worth it.


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