"So, I have edibles, a pen, a pipe, what're you thinking?" You turned to your boyfriend of six months, raising an eyebrow.
"Uh, what... I don't know the difference?"
"Aw, you really are innocent. Okay, well, edibles might be too much for the first time because they're kind of unpredictable and take a while to set in, and the pen is less painful than the pipe, so let's just go with that."
"Okay," he looked slightly uneasy, but this was his idea. He'd seen you high a couple of times and decided he needed to get on that, and he couldn't think of a better person to get high with for the first time than you. "So pipes really hurt?"
"Eh," you started, leading him over to the couch and tucking yourself into it, "I've got baby lungs. Bongs really fuck me up, one time I coughed so hard I almost puked. Pipes aren't so bad. I just like weed pens better." You shrugged.
"Ha-ha, baby lungs," he teased.
"We haven't even started yet, you can't make fun of me now."
"Fine," he laughed.
"Okay, so I'll just go first and then you can do it. So, you press this button," you put your finger on it without pressing down, "and then you hold it, and you suck in." You demonstrated, taking a drag of the pen and blowing out smoke. "Good?"
"Good," Spencer responded, as you passed it to him.
He pressed down on the button, inhaling only a little bit and barely blowing out any smoke.
"Okay, yeah, you have to suck it, though. Like, you gotta really do it."
"Okay," he tried again, doing much better, but making a face at the taste of it.
"Ah," he wrinkled his nose up, "It's grody."
"You get used to it," you said, laughing at him and taking the pen back.
"I don't think I feel it yet."
"It takes a bit more than one hit, baby," you smiled, taking another one. You blew the smoke into his face.
You giggled, passing it to him and getting up from the couch. "We need snacks!!" You exclaimed, running into the kitchen and returning with chips, mint Oreos, and pretzels.
"Yay," Spencer responded, ripping open the package of cookies.
A few hits later, and it was suffice to say that you were both pretty lit.
"This is very weird. I keep forgetting what I'm saying. Is that normal?"
"Yeah," you said lazily.
"That's weird. I'm like in the middle of saying something and then I forget it."
"That's a mood," you replied, taking out your phone and connecting it to your speaker before putting on a chill playlist at a low volume. You looked up at him. "Oh dude, your eyes are so lidded, oh man."
"Did you just call me dude?"
"Okay then, dude."
You made a face at him. "Do you ever, like,... think about skinks."
"What?" he laughed.
"You know, skinks. They're like-" you cut off, giggling. "They're like snakes but wi-with tiny arms. They just fucking. They're so small. Like who did that? Evolutionarily. Like why did they just- give a snake tiny arms."
"I don't really think it was a conscious decision," Spencer said, frowning. That did not follow what he knew about the mechanisms of evolution.
"You're so cute," you said, looking up at him.
You both took a few more hits, you moving to lie down with your head in Spencer's lap, your hands folded over your stomach.
And if you thought Spencer Reid talked a lot when he was sober, boy, you were in for it now.
"Do you ever just," he started, "just think about money? Money is so weird. Like, it's just paper... with things on it... and I have to own a lot of the paper in order to survive. "Like, we have all the utilities to survive on Earth but I can't have them without the special paper. That people made up. It was part of a tree and now I have to exchange the tree for goods and services. Except that parts of trees that aren't used for the special paper are not worth the same amount. But they're both made of tree. You know? Oh! And you know what else I just remembered? French toast isn't even actually from France. So, basically everything is a lie."
"You're so right."
"This is fun. I like this. This is a good time."
"And another thing, can I just say that? Dinosaurs are not reptilian. Like, the first Jurassic Park movies get a pass, because science wasn't caught up yet, but the one that just came out? They knew that dinosaurs more closely resembled birds. And everyone keeps making them like huge lizards. Why do you think the T-Rex survived with such tiny arms? It probably had wings, a-"
"I wish I had wings."
"-and I just... yeah, me too.... Wait, okay, I just think that... that... what was I talking about."
"A... uh. Big wing."
"Yes! Dinosaurs. With feathers. That's what they should be. I just wanna see one dinosaur, you know? Like one correct dinosaur."
"You are talking so much. Like so much. Sh. It's my turn! It's me." You put your index finger to his lips, shifting so your head was now off his lap and you were sitting across from each other on the couch, both with your legs criss cross. "I.... love you. A lot, you know? I just like... you're so good. Do you know that? Do you know it?
"Yeah," he said, smiling in a way that lit up his whole face, "Yeah, I know it. I love you too, a lot. And also? I love weed."
You snickered. "Nice. Me too."