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Don't Cry

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Don’t cry.

Don't stare at my body with those tearful eyes. Don’t make me feel hurt that I have to leave you behind. Don’t make me curse fate for forcing me to leave your side. 

Why are you holding my hands like that? Why are you not smiling like you always do? Why can’t I embrace you and say it’s one big joke and to stop your tears? Why can't I tell you it’s just a lie and that I didn’t mean to hurt you?

It’s painful. It's painful that I didn’t have that last chance to say good bye. It’s painful that I didn’t have that last chance to tell you that I love you and to embrace my daughter too. It’s painful that there was no last chance to see your smiles. 

But if I knew that yesterday was the last chance, would I truly be able to smile in your face? Would I be able to see my daughter and not cry? And lie to you saying I would be fine?

But fate has made its choice and forced my body to enter an eternal sleep. How cruel is fate for forcing me to see your crying face right next to my body?  How cruel is it that I have to see you suffer and be forced to say goodbye even if you can’t hear me?

But know this Ludger, I was a lucky woman to have met you. I didn’t regret the time I spent with you and our daughter. I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted to see our little girl grow. But the choice to leave isn’t mine.

Even if you can't hear my voice, I'm begging you not to cry. Please don’t spoil that beautiful smile that you and your daughter always have on your faces. Don't let those tears carry away that glimmer in your eyes. I love you Elle and Ludger.

So please don't cry… I want to say goodbye you with a smile. But I won't be able to because when I see you like this, it becomes harder to battle the tears welling up in my eyes.