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HELLO MY BABY, HELLO MY HONEY, HELLO MY COLD IMMORTAL

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Hi my name is Nikolai Dark'ness Nukelear Khrushchev and I have short white hair that's sort of falling out and tiny glasses and I'm always squinting in photos so that my eye colour is mysterious and secret and a lot of people tell me I look like Josef Stalin (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of her!). I'm not related to Fidel Castro, but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a communist but I'm still pretty rich. I'm also a politician and I lead a country called the USSR in Europe. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a grey suit with a matching grey tie and a heap of military badges on it. I was walking outside the USSR. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of capitalists stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Khrushchev!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was..... John F Kennedy!

"What's up Kennedy?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my countrymen call me and I had to go away.