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Cherish

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Callie stared at the stick. How could this be happening to her?

She was pregnant!

This was her dream right? She had an aching womb. That was why Arizona and her broke up once and it took a gun man for It had taken a lot for Arizona to come around to the idea, a fricking gunman because Callie had been adamant she wanted a child. But and this was a fricking massive revelation Callie did not want children unless it was with Arizona. But Arizona had left her at the airport to follow her own dream. This had led Callie to have drunken pity sex with Mark. It was all Arizona’s fault if she had not left her she would… oh what was the use she could no longer be angry with Arizona or blame her for following her dream. Callie was just heartbroken all over again that Arizona was not in her life, planning for a baby.

Callie had a decision to make. The biggest decision ever. She could not believe she was thinking this but she was! Callie despite her aching womb and being brought up a catholic did not feel it was right to bring this baby into the world. She could love it she knew, but she knew she would also resent it and be like her mother, cold and exacting because, because …Callie began to cry at the thought of bringing this baby up alone away from her support group because there was no way she was letting Mark near it. Yes! he was her friend at the moment, but friends come and go and she was not sure she wanted Mark in her life for ever. He was lovely for fun, but for serious things no! He had never grown up.

These were all good arguments but Callie knew down to the depths of her soul she was considering termination for the most selfish reasons, even though she was mad and sad at Arizona there was a tiny thread of hope that one day her and Arizona would be together again. Though Arizona had changed for her and was open to having children, Having Mark’s baby was probably a step too far. Callie went as far as making an appointment at the clinic, but in the end she just couldn’t go through with it. She cried so much over this, she missed Arizona so much but she could not bring herself to terminate she could decide if she weak or strong over this. What she knew she couldn’t do was tell Mark or should she oh why was Arizona no here! She needed Arizona.

Two weeks later her previous anguish was paled into insignificance when she miscarried. The gods had revenge on her for considering getting rid of the baby, but now she had lost it Callie was distraught. She was all alone she could not sop crying she just wanted to be held I Arizona’s soft yet strong arms.

To say that Callie was a bit of a mess was the understatement of the year! She barely held it together at work and if she had been in the right frame of mind she might have felt sorry for the interns for how she was taking it out on them. She seemed to be either angry or in the on-call room crying her eyes out.
It was one of these private meltdowns that Teddy found her one day. Teddy had been intending to have a nap but found a distraught Callie. When Teddy managed to calm down she got out of Callie the whole baby sage, the guilt and the sorrow over it. When she had finished with tears still brimming from Callie’s eyes Callie said ‘I want Arizona, I need Arizona, why did she hve to leave me Teddy? Why does she talk to me? I was cranky for five minutes about Africa and she left me standing there and…’

‘Enough!’ said Teddy ‘ I know I promised Bailey and the others that I would not say anything to , but you are missing Arizona and Arizona is a mess and missing you…’

‘Arizona talks about me? Arizona misses me?’ asked Callie forlornly and in disbelief.

Teddy sighed and shook her head with incredulity. ‘Of course she misses you! She loves you, probably too much based on how miserable she is.

‘Then why did she leave me? Why has she not come back? Why has she not emailed me? Asked Callie

‘Because she has been convinced by others that it would be the only way you could be happy’ sighed Teddy.

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Teddy sighed and shook her head with incredulity. ‘Ofcourse she misses you! She loves you, probably too much based on how miserable she is.
‘Then why did she leave me? Why has she not come back? Why has she not emailed me? Asked Callie
‘Because she has been convinced by others that it would be the only way you could be happy’ sighed Teddy.

 

‘What! Who?’ Fire lit Callie’s eyes with a spark of anger ‘I think you need to tell me everything pronto!’
Teddy winced at the tone and the use of her surname.

‘I will, but not here, somewhere private, I am off in a hour meet me at my apartment.’

Callie nodded in acquiescence.

She certainly had questions her mind went back to that disastrous night when she had slept with Mark. She had been too fuzzy with alcohol to follow up on the look Bailey had given Teddy when Callie had asked Teddy as to whether she had from Arizona or not. Now she began to ponder what was Bailey’s role in all this.

 

‘So!’ said Callie when they were sat in Teddy’s apartment wine in hand. ‘Who convinced Arizona to what and why are you promising things to Mark and Bailey. Spill all Teddy!’

Teddy twisted her hands in her lap and sighed not sure where to begin.

‘Okay firstly this all happened and was justified in the belief that it had your best interest at heart. I disagreed at the time and still disagree. I thought by keeping out of it, not meddling in your life was the right thing, a good friend’s thing, however I have now realised by doing nothing I am just as culpable! I think I need t correct that, though as I said, it was all kindly meant by your friends and…’

‘Teddy get to the point!’

‘Okay! The reason Arizona left you at the airport, was she had been convinced by others mainly Mark, Webber and Bailey though others joined in, that she Arizona was being cruel, Mark’s word according to Arizona and clearly did not love you enough by making you go to Africa. She felt they were wrong, because you were enough for her, nothing else mattered and she felt that as long as you were together taking it in turns to fallow each other’s dreams you would be fine. But she was crushed when you did not call her bluff and did not follow her on to the plane, she had all been prepared for you to follow her yelling in Spanish and getting things out of your system that you had been bottling up. But what else could she think, she felt they were right all along, that you could only ever be happy surrounded by your friends, that they were more important to you than her.

And before you say “why did she go if you were more important” It was because she was pressured, guilt tripped, basically she was reminded it was her duty in following her dream not only by her parents but also by chief Webber. Arizona was actually going to give up her dream and turn down the Carter Madison without telling anyone because she didn’t want you to feel guilty that she had done so which she wanted to do because she loves you and she had promised you children. Webber found out though and let the proverbial cat out of the bag literally on camera. He actually threatened her with her job if she did not accept it. Webber clearly didn’t take your relationship seriously because the strategies and panics he took to keep you here were amazing when he suddenly realised he would be losing you as well as Arizona as you appeared to be a package deal anyway I won’t elaborate further but, Arizona nearly came back with a few weeks later prepared to risk her career, because she was missing you so much, but then a kid came in that would have died had she not been there, so she convinced herself that she had probably lost you for good anyway and decided to put her life on hold and put duty first to save the tiny humans.

That this was the right decision was confirmed in her mind when Sloan emailed her to say you had moved on and had found someone new, him! The fact you had not emailed either not even an angry one appeared to devastate her and she has barely emailed me since.

Not to be harsh but most of this heartache could have been avoided if you and Arizona had communicated with each other then you would not have allowed other people to meddle in your affairs because of their Jealousy – Sloan, Homophobia – Webber, Duty – the Robbins and goodness know what Bailey’s motivation was. I to my shame did not meddle and my meddling would have fixed things – so my sincere apologies failing you and Arizona as a friend.

Callie’s mind was a whirl! She did not know whether she was sad or angry or what? Teddy was right communication between her and Arizona had been their down fall. Only she Callie could put it right, this was important because Callie new right down to her soul, that to be able to live properly she needed Arizona in her life as much as breathing. So she owed to them both to try and mend things if possible. Callie smiled weakly at Teddy, who was proffering her a tissue. She had been cry so much over the last few months that she had not noticed she had begun to cry again.

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‘Thanks Teddy’ said Callie as she took the proffered paper handkerchief ‘and there is no need to apologise, you are so right! We did not communicate but we are so going to! I know you are probably fed up of not saying anything, but could you please keep all of this conversation a secret. I need to try and sort this out, my way without any further interfering outsiders. So please don’t say anything to anyone and that includes Arizona!

In reply Teddy simply gave Callie a hug.

The next day Callie handed her notice into Webber along with a sick note that she had got that morning from Psych. So in all intense and purpose she had already worked her last shift at SGMW. Webber was left flabbergasted. The next few days saw Callie rushing around closing up her apartment, packing and ignoring phone calls from Mark. Callie could just not trust herself talking to him after she had found out what he had done.

Before she knew it Teddy was driving her to the airport. Callie had intended to take a taxi but when she was making arrangements with Teddy to look after her apartment, she had insisted on taking Callie.

All through the journey Callie’s stomach was in free fall of excitement and terror at seeing Arizona.

She hired a jeep and a driver when she got to Malawi without really catching her breath and before she knew it she was arriving at Arizona’s clinic.
Callie arrived early evening, which hopefully was good timing and Arizona would not be in surgery or rounds or anything and they would maybe able to talk. Callie was so nervous now she was here as she had no idea what kind of reception she would get from Arizona.

Callie’s arrival had cause a great deal of interest, but she did not notice because her eyes had met those that were the holder of her heart, Arizona’s. Callie’s heart seemed to race and stop all at the same time. Callie wanted to rush over and envelope Arizona in her arms but was unsure of the reception she would get from Arizona, plus not a good idea perhaps in homophobic Malawi. Arizona was clearly in shock as she stood there for a full minute and said nothing as Callie approached her.

The only thing Callie could think to say was ‘ Sorry I am late!’

Arizona gave her a ‘really! Callie!’ look but switched into professional mode.

‘Guys I would like you to meet Dr. Callie Torres who is visiting us. She is a renowned orthopaedic surgeon, who was expected earlier but got held up. I am not sure how long she is able to stay for?’ Arizona gave Callie and expression, that for once in Callie’s life she was unable to read, she thought she could read all Arizona’s emotions but clearly not. The safe option here was to stay in professional mode and hope that was the right thing to do.

‘I am able to stay as long as Dr. Robbins needs me to’

Callie got her first smile from Arizona.

Arizona then did some basic introductions before ushering Callie into her hut.

Now the communication would begin…hopefully

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‘What are you doing here Callie?’ demanded Arizona as soon as they were alone, Arizona kept her voice low as possible as sound would still carry, but her anger was tangible. ‘Quite frankly’ continued Arizona ‘If it had been possible I would have shut the door on your face. You stayed at the airport Callie , you stayed! I understood eventually as to why, I was not enough for you, you needed everyone else and that was okay even though it broke my heart to a million pieces because you are enough for me – So why are you here Callie Why?’

Callie tried to explain all that Teddy had revealed to her, this seemed to make Arizona even more angry, angry that Callie had come on someone else’s intel not because Callie wanted to.

Callie took a deep breath she needed to get everything out there first, have Arizona’s anger all at once and then hope to make amends or at least have Arizona’s understanding otherwise it was going to be a lonely time out her in Africa because one thing for certain she was going to grit her teeth and see it out with Arizona in Africa – it was the least she could do, so she gathered her courage on revealing everything and being open to Arizona, so Callie told Arizona about Mark, but before she could move onto the baby Arizona quietly exploded again.

‘Really Callie this is so typical of you. I had not even been gone a month and you were jumping into his bed, the one person you could have not of chosen better to make the betrayal complete you know how I feel about him and the fact I can barely tolerate him. Though at least you told me yourself, though I already knew from him – a delightfully smug email. This though is typical of you, when things get tough you bail, you take the easy selfish route out, - why should I trust you now? More so after your admission of cheating on me and don’t give me that bullshit that we were split up, because you knew that was not the reality. Am I supposed to forgive you and we all live happily after? Why should I pick someone selfish and a tendency to bail. You broke my heart it hasn’t even started healing I don’t know if I can trust you with it again. I yelled Callie all I did was yell at you because you were being a brat, but instead of following me and continuing the argument or proving me wrong, you stayed at the fricking Airport Callie, you stayed, for the first time ever you took me at my word, you know what I do when I get angry and yet knowing that you stayed behind.’ By now tears were streaming down Arizona’s face.

They were at a crossroads.

This was the moment that Callie needed to impart the last part of her story which would either start the healing process or rip them apart forever though forever is a long time Callie would not let that happen if she could. She loved Arizona too much, she needed to stop being a quitter and a spoilt brat she needed to start being a grown up for both their sakes. She took another deep breath and continued her narrative, pouring all her emotion, all her thoughts all her everything leaving nothing hidden as she told Arizona about the pregnancy, about the contemplation about an abortion and about the miscarriage. Callie then told about her realisation of the importance of Arizona to her and being in her life, Arizona was hr everything she made everything better, Callie loved her so much and yes Arizona was right about everything she was so weak, now she was laying open everything to Arizona, for Arizona to with her what she will.

Would Arizona face with Callie making herself so vulnerable continue to be angry or would she take another route?

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Arizona’s anger dissipated, she finally listened to what Callie was saying how much she loved Arizona how much she needed her in her life how sorry she was for being manipulated by others instead of standing up for her love, especially listening to Mark that Arizona was right she need to grow up and be less selfish and communicate better with Arizona.

Arizona hear and realised that she had been just as bad as Callie however she did need to get her head around Callie’s cheating, she knew it was Callie’s go to stance and pretty ironic when she had been hurt by George for doing the same. It was the Mark goggles though it seemed they had been finally ripped off. Arizona was heartbroken for Callie when she heard about the miscarriage as she knew how much Callie wanted a child. Would she have taken Callie back if she had had Mark’s child, Arizona was not sure she was a big enough person, but honestly she could be as selfish as Callie, she hoped her love for Callie would have been enough, but now she would never know. The question was could she let Callie back in her life. Seeing her there all vulnerable and open just made Arizona want to scoop her up in her arms and kiss away the hurt and anguish. However they had been to good at not talking about things case in point the mess they were in currently – They needed to sort this out but Arizona had not had the chance to prepare for this meeting like Callie had she needed some time to think and sort things out. She indicated this to Callie, that tomorrow they would sort she needed time to think – so she showed Callie the facilities and her room and when the evening meal was and after rounds tomorrow, barring emergencies they would have a sit down and a proper talk.

The next morning luckily for them no emergencies were happening so under the guise of orientation and catch up, they talked.
Arizona started that she was still mad at Callie for sleeping with Mark, but given time maybe they could work past this, start again slowly, not that they had much option as they would have to keep things secret, but if Callie could curb her impatience Arizona would try to be less well Arizona about it and discuss things rather than avoid talking about difficult things.

Callie was so happy this was more than she could hope for.
It would be hard work that was for sure and maybe they would be back together stronger and happier than before.