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Cherish

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Callie stared at the stick. How could this be happening to her?

She was pregnant!

This was her dream right? She had an aching womb. That was why Arizona and her broke up once and it took a gun man for It had taken a lot for Arizona to come around to the idea, a fricking gunman because Callie had been adamant she wanted a child. But and this was a fricking massive revelation Callie did not want children unless it was with Arizona. But Arizona had left her at the airport to follow her own dream. This had led Callie to have drunken pity sex with Mark. It was all Arizona’s fault if she had not left her she would… oh what was the use she could no longer be angry with Arizona or blame her for following her dream. Callie was just heartbroken all over again that Arizona was not in her life, planning for a baby.

Callie had a decision to make. The biggest decision ever. She could not believe she was thinking this but she was! Callie despite her aching womb and being brought up a catholic did not feel it was right to bring this baby into the world. She could love it she knew, but she knew she would also resent it and be like her mother, cold and exacting because, because …Callie began to cry at the thought of bringing this baby up alone away from her support group because there was no way she was letting Mark near it. Yes! he was her friend at the moment, but friends come and go and she was not sure she wanted Mark in her life for ever. He was lovely for fun, but for serious things no! He had never grown up.

These were all good arguments but Callie knew down to the depths of her soul she was considering termination for the most selfish reasons, even though she was mad and sad at Arizona there was a tiny thread of hope that one day her and Arizona would be together again. Though Arizona had changed for her and was open to having children, Having Mark’s baby was probably a step too far. Callie went as far as making an appointment at the clinic, but in the end she just couldn’t go through with it. She cried so much over this, she missed Arizona so much but she could not bring herself to terminate she could decide if she weak or strong over this. What she knew she couldn’t do was tell Mark or should she oh why was Arizona no here! She needed Arizona.

Two weeks later her previous anguish was paled into insignificance when she miscarried. The gods had revenge on her for considering getting rid of the baby, but now she had lost it Callie was distraught. She was all alone she could not sop crying she just wanted to be held I Arizona’s soft yet strong arms.

To say that Callie was a bit of a mess was the understatement of the year! She barely held it together at work and if she had been in the right frame of mind she might have felt sorry for the interns for how she was taking it out on them. She seemed to be either angry or in the on-call room crying her eyes out.
It was one of these private meltdowns that Teddy found her one day. Teddy had been intending to have a nap but found a distraught Callie. When Teddy managed to calm down she got out of Callie the whole baby sage, the guilt and the sorrow over it. When she had finished with tears still brimming from Callie’s eyes Callie said ‘I want Arizona, I need Arizona, why did she hve to leave me Teddy? Why does she talk to me? I was cranky for five minutes about Africa and she left me standing there and…’

‘Enough!’ said Teddy ‘ I know I promised Bailey and the others that I would not say anything to , but you are missing Arizona and Arizona is a mess and missing you…’

‘Arizona talks about me? Arizona misses me?’ asked Callie forlornly and in disbelief.

Teddy sighed and shook her head with incredulity. ‘Of course she misses you! She loves you, probably too much based on how miserable she is.

‘Then why did she leave me? Why has she not come back? Why has she not emailed me? Asked Callie

‘Because she has been convinced by others that it would be the only way you could be happy’ sighed Teddy.