I sank down on the edge of the bed and kicked off my shoes. It was a competition between my head, back and feet as to which hurt the most. They were on a hiding to nothing. My heart had already crossed the finishing line, received it's medal and was heading for the showers.
Angel. My Love. My Beloved. The cause of my pain. Silent tears traced a path down my cheeks. Angel. Oh God I am so sorry.
'I can feel this body moving
It's like I'm going for a ride
It's on automatic pilot, nothing going on inside
Yeah I dress it in Versace, and I feed it a la carte
But there's no fire in it's belly
There's no passion in it's heart…'
How long is it? How long since I kissed him, told him to close his eyes and then ran him through with the sword? How long since I murdered my love? Seconds become minutes, minutes become hours, hours become days then weeks…then they all blur together. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes years. But I never forget his trusting face. He trusted me. I betrayed that trust. I betrayed our love. I betrayed him.
'I can hear this body talking 'bout some stupid little thing
But it doesn't sound like my voice
No it doesn't sound like me
And I take it to the movies
And I let it drive my car
And I tuck it up in bed at night so it can wish upon a star…'
I had to leave. I couldn't bear the memories. Everywhere I looked I saw him. His eyes full of shock at what I had done. I sent him to hell. And since the portal closed I have felt his pain. All of it. It blocks out every other emotion. Pain is all I feel. And I deserve it. His suffering should be mine.
'I can feel this body shaking
Like it's just about to blow
I guess it's time that I did something
Yeah I think it's time to go…'
So I ran here. I work and I sleep. Or try to. He comes to me then. Suffering. Pleading. Wanting answers that I can't give. I wish I had the strength to end it.
'Oooh find me a stranger
Oooh find me a face
Oooh find me an Angel
To take me from this place'