When a vampire is created the soul leaves the body and the demon sets up shop in it instead. It carries the person's memories and some personality traits but the person you were is gone forever.
The last time I checked I was not a vampire. I don't have a craving for blood and I can still see myself in the mirror every morning. So could someone explain to me why I don't exist anymore?
Angel told me that when he lost his soul and Angelus took over it was as if he was a spectator to everything his demon did. He was still inside, but locked away so deeply that he was powerless to act.
The last time I checked I didn't have a demon in control either. So could someone please explain to me why I am acting like I am and why there is a voice inside my head, no let me correct myself, why MY voice is inside my head chanting ' selfish bitch selfish bitch selfish bitch' over and over at the top of it's lungs? I know it speaks the truth so why can't I do anything about it?
It started long before the Faith business. It was gradual; at first I hardly noticed at all. Then one morning I woke up and found the door locked and bars across my window. The person who had set up shop in my body talked like me and in some respects acted like me, but it wasn't me.
Pod-Buffy (I've heard that people are calling me that) picked up my life where I left off and then systematically tore it apart. She turned her back on Giles and the Scoobies, gave up on patrol and instead spent all her time with her wonderful new boyfriend and her wonderful new friends. The Initiative.
But now she has excelled herself. She decided that we had to go to LA to warn Angel about Faith. Guess that proved that despite the fact Pod-Buffy spends all her time using my body to screw her boy toy she still cares about Angel. Anyway, we get to LA and we find Angel and Faith in a hug. Now if it had been me in the driving seat I would probably have called him a bastard and run out in tears. Is that good enough for Pod-Buffy? Hell no! She has to go postal, attacking both Faith and Angel physically and verbally. I had to watch while she destroyed the only person I will ever love. I whaled against the door to my cell, tears pouring down my face and prayed to each and every god or goddess I had ever heard of. Now she had crossed the line. Destroying my life and friendships I could just about cope with if I had to, destroying Angel I could not.
And she did destroy him. Piece by piece he fell apart in front of my eyes as she chewed him up and spat out the pieces she didn't like. He tried so hard to keep up the front that he was strong and that he didn't care but his soul cried out to me in pain and his eyes betrayed both guilt and fear.
I am wracked with the pain of what she has done, both physical and emotional. I know that in her own strange way Pod-Buffy feels badly about it too, but another session of naked fun with Riley and she has all but pushed it out of her mind.
Oh Angel my Love, I am so sorry. If I ever manage to take back control I will try and make it up to you. I have to find a way.
The fight starts now. Please wait for me.