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5 millimeters per fucking second

Summary:

Jungkook is painfully shy and he wants to do things with his boyfriend Taehyung.

(Or: the kind of slow burn you never knew you needed.)

Notes:

Idea came from yumi_michiyo who was talking about the slow burn she was writing and her disconnected thoughts were "slow burn" and "hand holding". My brain thought it would be funny to actually connect them together and write it out.

Warning: I did a very superficial edit to it so there still may be grammar mistakes left. I just wanted to post it already. Ughhh.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Jungkook is painfully shy. It's a fact that he's acutely aware of, especially now that he has an actual, in-the-flesh, real life boyfriend.

 

A boyfriend who, in Jungkook’s honest opinion, is the hottest man alive on their side of the Han river (he will admit that Seokjin hyung is still marginally hotter in terms of traditional considerations of that topic, but he lives on the opposite side of Seoul, so that makes Jungkook's declaration entirely valid). But yes, hottest man who is entirely too adorable with that mischievous twinkle in his eyes and his many varied smiles, which, depending on the one he uses, makes Jungkook either soft or hard in all possible permutations and combinations; and impossibly a man whose hotness is equalled by eccentricity and expressions of nerdiness, which suits Jungkook entirely, because he never thought he could be with someone he could possibly have a fangasm and orgasm at the same time, it's a sweet, sweet fantasy come true.

 

To be honest, Jungkook is surprised he had even managed to score a boyfriend , let alone the angel that had descended to earth in the form of one Kim Taehyung. Normally, Jungkook's shyness translates badly into very strong ‘don't disturb me or I will cut you’ vibes that scare of most people. It's something that Jungkook has mourned and had tried to change most of his life, since really, most of the time he's really just thinking what he should have for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

 

But Taehyung… Taehyung … had somehow managed not to be deterred by the wide-eyed look that most people tends to take as threatening but is really Jungkook just internally screaming in panic because a really hot guy is talking to him, and then kept talking to him, and somehow along the line, they just kept hanging out with each other until one day, one of their friends just asks them if they're dating and Taehyung looks at Jungkook before saying, “well, obviously,” and Jungkook doesn't protest, only to ask Taehyung with a painful stammer at a much later time if Taehyung had been serious.

 

All Taehyung had said in reply had been “do you want me to be?” and after Jungkook nods, his throat dry, Taehyung just nods back and that had been that.

 

In any case, it takes a week before he manages to asks Taehyung if he wants to go on a proper date (after staring intensely at the Americano he'd ordered for half an hour while debating how he’s supposed to phrase a question of such a nature). Taehyung had just given Jungkook a funny look like he knows something Jungkook doesn't before shrugging and saying “sure” with the brightest of smiles.

 

It's been four such dates later, and Jungkook loves dating Taehyung so far. It's super comfortable, Taehyung always managing to draw Jungkook out of his shy shell for normal conversation (as normal as you can get talking about Japanese anime and weird topics like if there is really a bunny on the moon), and dating doesn't seem to change the dynamics of the relationship between them at all.

 

Only, that also is a source of anxiety for Jungkook, because one faithful day at 4 a.m. in the morning, he stumbles out of bed to go and poop, and suddenly has a startling revelation while perched atop the porcelain throne, that if he and Taehyung are still acting like friends then could you even call them boyfriends?

 

And so, this is why, on the fifth date after dinner, Jungkook has resolved to hold Taehyung’s hand.

 

...Baby steps, okay?

 

He takes the whole dinner at the fried chicken place to mentally prepare himself. And so after they pay for the bill, Jungkook manages to get out the invitation to go to the Han river without too much difficulty. They arrive as planned, sit on a small mat that Jungkook has brought and laid out, facing the beautiful night scenery before them with but just enough space so that their hands are some what side by side when placed down onto the mat beside them.

 

Everything has gone as planned.

 

Now, he just has to do it.

 

It takes Taehyung ten minutes before the other relaxes enough to place his hand on the mat to brace his weight, and Jungkook knows that this is his chance.

 

His arms are still folded in his lap, and the first step, of course, is to shift them so that they're by his side instead. That's not too bad. He would have done it naturally maybe a few minutes later anyway, if he wasn't so hyper conscious about Taehyung at least. But it had probably not been too weird when Jungkook had shifted himself to mimic Taehyung’s pose. At least, even if it had been, Taehyung hadn't seemed to have taken notice.

 

He hopes.

 

The next part is the hard part.

 

Taehyung's fingers are but a mere few inches away from Jungkook's own, but it feels like a few thousand miles that's stretching longer by the second. His throat bobs, and nervously, he inches his finger one millimeter closer and holy shit, he can already feel the slight increase in warmth just from being that tiniest bit closer to Taehyung’s hand.

 

His heart quakes. He swallows and wills it to stop. Everything will be fine. He's just going to hold Taehyung’s hand.

 

Right?

 

Right.

 

Steeling himself, he forces himself to inch his hand that little bit closer, trying to ignore the flare of panic as his over dramatic mind runs through all the possible bad scenarios that could happen: Taehyung could be disgusted by his admittedly clammy hand as soon as Jungkook touches the other’s own; Taehyung getting annoyed by Jungkook's unsolicited touching; Taehyung realizing he has some kind of aversion/allergy/phobia to Jungkook touching him; Taehyung hating him because Jungkook thinks too much if himself, that he could actually be bestowed the honour of holding the hand of someone like Taehyung.

 

It doesn't make sense, but Jungkook's hand freezes. And it takes a whole minute of telling his brain to shut the fuck up and it's just freaking holding hands, and Taehyung is Jungkook's boyfriend: they should be doing this already.

 

He finally calms himself down again, and slowly, his fingers creep across the mat, closer and closer, millimeter by millimeter. The heat of Taehyung’s hand looms closer: both the daunting task of a quest and the promise of a reward.

 

He can do this.

 

He can do this.

 

He can do this .

 

So close now. His fingers are almost grazing over Taehyung's skin. So close now: he can practically feel the promise of searing heat as he starts to curl his fingers, about to wrap his hand around Taehyung's-

 

“Woah!” Jungkook jumps just as something suddenly slams into his back. And he pulls his hand back as if scalded, twisting around to see what the shit had just happened. And he's greeted by the reddened face of some drunk student, who backpedals at the look of his face, mumbling something about Jungkook being scary and that he’s extremely sorry.

 

It's over as fast as it happens, and to be honest, Jungkook isn't even sure what had gone about. He just knows that he's missed his chance to hold Taehyung’s hand, especially since Taehyung has also retracted his hand, frowning distractedly at the drunken student who’s still trying to stumble away further from them.

 

“Ugh. Thankfully the guy didn’t pick a fight.” Taehyung wrinkles his nose before smiling at Jungkook. “I guess your black face was good for something huh?”

 

“Oh erm. I guess.” Jungkook mumbles, still mourning at the lost chance. And shit. The next time was going to be even harder. Even Jungkook would admit he didn't do very well with any sort of failure.

 

He misses Taehyung blowing on his hands as he wallows in misery. And he nearly misses Taehyung saying, “it's really cold tonight, huh?”

 

Jungkook blinks, looking for a moment like a deer caught in the headlights (or a murderer caught in the act if Taehyung were an unknowing member of public), “I… Cold?”

 

“Yeah.” Taehyung blows on his hands again. “Cold.”

 

“Oh.” Jungkook gapes a little before sputtering out, “do you want me to hold your hand? To er- keep you warm?”

 

“Would you?” Taehyung brightens, as if Jungkook is the one doing Taehyung a favour.

 

“Yea- course. Course.” And Jungkook quickly bites the bullet, taking Taehyung’s hand in his own before his anxiety can make it obviously awkward.

 

He think his hands are probably gross from being so panicky, but Taehyung doesn't seem to notice, only makes a sigh of happiness, as if Jungkook holding his hand makes him irrationally happy. As if Jungkook isn't the one being probably irrationally happy enough for a small nation.

 

Taehyung's hands are beautiful. And they're warm. And Jungkook wishes he could tease the thin skin of Taehyung’s fingers with his own all the time. But seriously, Taehyung's fingers are so long and strong, but still slender and pretty. And Jungkook feels as if their hands had been made to hold each other's.

 

Jungkook doesn't let go of Taehyung's hand even through the journey home, only breaking the hold when he has no other choice, and when Taehyung asks him, with no small amount of amusement, if Jungkook really likes to hold his hand that much, Jungkook just replies that it's simply because he doesn't want Taehyung's hand to be cold.

 

He's such a big, fat liar, but whatever.

 

~*~

 

The second major hurdle Jungkook faces is kissing.

 

Hugging hadn't been too bad. But this is mostly because Taehyung is naturally quite clingy, and even before they'd started dating, the other man had given Jungkook plenty of hugs and demanded just as many of them back that Jungkook has gotten pretty comfortable enough to pull Taehyung into a hug whenever he wants to because he can reason to himself that it's just a continuation of what they had before and this entirely natural.

 

Kissing, however, they'd obviously never done. Other than the few times Taehyung had planted one on him while deadass drunk but Jungkook doesn't think that counts.

 

So, one month after they’d held hands, Jungkook thinks it's a reasonable timing for them to move onto the next step.

 

He just thanks whoever is up there that he doesn't have to agonize about inviting Taehyung over to his house since Taehyung had pretty much done that himself weeks after first getting to know Jungkook. And it's a done deal that Taehyung would be over at least every Saturday for their weekly anime/movie marathons.

 

It really isn't that bad. They decide and quickly start up Iron Man because Spiderman: Homecoming would be out mid-week, and Jungkook is distracted enough by his favourite Marvel hero not to stress obsessively about the task he'd set himself to do. But then Pepper and Tony have a little moment somewhere in the middle, and Jungkook is suddenly reminded that hey, he's got something he needs to do.

 

Okay. Deep breaths.

 

He starts it with hand holding. It's a little easier this days: all he has to do is shift his own hand till the tips of his fingers are close enough for Taehyung to sense their presence, and Taehyung does the rest.

 

Step one, done.

 

Now, step two. Another somewhat easy one: Taehyung just has to lean on him, which Jungkook has found that Taehyung will ultimately do after a while, as long as Jungkook is holding his hand and they're both on a surface comfortable enough to do so. He's about 99% sure, based on countless precious experiences, that Taehyung deems this couch a worthy enough couch to cuddle in. But Jungkook still worries anyway.

 

Thankfully, Taehyung doesn't take too long to allow gravity to do its work. And soon, he's snuggling against Jungkook's shoulder, and wow. It's a really convenient position to just lean down and press a kiss.

 

He should probably just do it.

 

He spends a good fifteen minutes just staring at Taehyung's face instead.

 

Taehyung's face is just so… ugh. Jungkook doesn't have the words to describe it, because the usual ones that come to mind all fall short. Taehyung is perfect. The sort of perfect where even his eyelashes are a special kind of beautiful, where Jungkook sometimes tries to count the individual strands, only to fail because Taehyung blinks, and Jungkook gets too caught up in the sweeping beauty of that motion. And he'd normally take the time to describe all the rest of Taehyung's face in such lyrical waxing, but to be honest, right now, he's really focused on just the pale pink lips that are mused into a thoughtful pout as Taehyung continues to watch the movie, oblivious to Jungkook’s perversions.

 

Jungkook licks his lips before wrinkling his nose at the foreign taste of the watery chemical mint of the lip balm he'd applied liberally to his lips before Taehyung had arrived. They're still gnarled, cracked payment compared to the silk of Taehyung’s plush cushions, and Jungkook allows himself a few moments to wallow and doubt himself at his inadequacy. But he tries, pushing those thoughts out if his head as he leans in yet closer, trying not to get too cross-eyed as his eyes still focus far too much on making sure his lips don't miss their mark.

 

He probably looks like a sight, but he's really trying not to think about that right now. Not when he's literally inching closer to his goal with the intensity of a drifting beach whale.

 

He can do this.

 

He can feel Taehyung's breath puff out when the other man suddenly sighs, probably because Tony Stark is being a grade A idiot on screen. And he retreats back a little out like some terrified tiny animal, pausing until Taehyung settles back. And for a moment, Jungkook entertains chickening out.

 

No. He can do this.

 

Deep, unobtrusive breath taken, Jungkook tries again.

 

He gets so close this time. So, so close. Okay, no. He's deluding himself because he's far away enough that when he jumps back, startled by Taehyung’s fucking phone suddenly ringing, Taehyung doesn't notice a thing, only absentmindedly telling Jungkook to pause the movie while he excuses himself off the couch to go pick the call.

 

“Shit.” Jungkook mutters to himself in the safety of his lonesome, jabbing the pause button angrily before throwing the remote angrily to one side. He’s lost probably his only opportunity; he doesn't know if he can muster the courage to do this again for at least two more months.

 

Why is he like this? Seriously? Why?

 

But before he can sink even deeper into self-loathing, Taehyung is back, apologizing to Jungkook for not putting his phone on silent. “And it was just a stupid insurance agent too,” Taehyung huffs as he half seats himself back on the couch. “Let's start that up again. Where's the remot- oh, why is it all the way over there?”

 

Jungkook sometimes think Taehyung has spent one past life being a dog, and another being a spider, with the way he crawls over Jungkook to get to the remote without any disregard for Jungkook's personal space. But then again, Jungkook is used to this. He even is used to when Taehyung suddenly slips after having grabbed the remote, and just lets himself fall on top of Jungkook without remorse. But what he is not used to is Taehyung being in such a position so optimal, that when he lands on Jungkook, his lips just so happen to pretty much land on top of Jungkook's own.

 

The unexpectedness has Jungkook cutting his lip a little, mouth position just so. But Taehyung’s lips are on his, and Jungkook is a rabid opportunist, and there's no way he's going to give this up over something a small as a cut lip.

 

Ten minutes later, Taehyung looks thoroughly wrecked. His lips a slightly swollen, and his hair is so artistically mused it looks like some kind of new age sculpture. But Taehyung is also grinning amusedly at Jungkook as he asks, “how the heck did an accident turn into a ten minute make-out session with you?”

 

Jungkook is extremely proud of himself when he manages to stop himself screaming, and instead just replies cooly, “well… just thought that we might as well.”

 

~*~

 

It's been a year. A wonderful, wonderful year of dating the wonderful, wonderful man, Kim Taehyung.

 

A whole year. Jungkook doesn't know how he's lasted without having spontaneously combusted or turned to goo. It's been simultaneously a wonderful year filled with lots of hugs and kisses and things Jungkook has never thought he'd be able to do on account of being so painfully shy, but at the same time, he is still painfully shy, so it had also been a year of a lot of internal screaming and Jungkook is also pretty sure that he doesn't have much of his soul left, pieces of it dying from the sheer stress of one situation or another.

 

But Taehyung is worth all of that, if not more. And so tonight, Jungkook will prepare to put himself in one of the most dangerous situations a painfully shy person could do in a relationship:

 

Attempt to have sex.

 

He's already convinced Taehyung to stay the night, not that it had been that hard to, since the both of them do have a habit of being so engrossed with each other that they forget the time, and at 1 a.m., it's an easy excuse for Taehyung to just continue staying on until the next morning.

 

Of course, this time there's going to be more than just kisses and cuddles - a lot more if Jungkook gets his way. Once he's done prepping himself up in the toilet and reviewing all the studies and research he'd compiled into two neat and thick bound folders, he will confidently go out there into his bedroom where Taehyung is waiting and confidently seduce his boyfriend into having sexy fun times with him-

 

Jungkook hopes that Taehyung hadn't heard the very loud bang when Jungkook had slammed his head into his tiled toilet wall.

 

Ok, ok. No. Don't need to worry. He's got this.

 

He does.

 

Taking a deep breath, Jungkook forces himself to get out of the bathroom after checking himself in the reflection of the mirror. He looks good, hopefully fuckable, and he's wearing clothes that are easy to take off. The lube has been pre-warmed and is sitting in the drawer, and he has a decent stash of condoms - both of which had taken two days to buy and Jungkook nearly had had been arrested for lurking suspiciously around the convenience store in his hoodie and face mask in the process.

 

He won't screw this up.

 

Except, when he steps out of the bathroom, Taehyung is poking his head out of his bedroom to call on him, possibly to make sure he hadn't slipped on a wet spot and cracked his head open, and then Taehyung pauses, squinting hard at Jungkook before his mouth opens and then shuts with a click.

 

“Oh.”

 

Oh? What the fuck does that mean?

 

Jungkook is already starting to back off in panic, his mind going into flee mode, even though he doesn't know what that intense look on Taehyung's face is. But then, Taehyung lets out a sharp and loud war cry that makes him completely freeze in his tracks, and he feels entirely like a rabbit caught in the hungry gaze of a tiger as Taehyung steps properly into the hallway, eyeing Jungkook with thoughtfully narrowed eyes.

 

“Were you planning to have sex with me tonight?”

 

That question makes the hair on Jungkook's neck rise, and he opens his mouth to admit, deny and protest plausible deniability all at the same time, but all that comes out his mouth is a soft, almost inaudible squeak.

 

But that seems to give Taehyung enough of an answer. And Taehyung lets out a sigh, a rueful smile on his face. “Of course you were. And you were going to probably spend the whole night working the courage to try to seduce me, and then chicken out at least nine times before you try for real.”

 

Jungkook has this vague feeling his jaw has dropped open. He can't really tell. His soul feels like it's drifted a little from his body.

 

“Sorry, but…” Taehyung lets out a cute little shrug. “Fuck that.”

 

Jungkook manages to squeak out words this time, which both of them are equally surprised at. “What… What do you…”

 

“I mean, I'm not going to go in that room and suffer blue balls for three hours watching you be all adorable and shy. I mean, it's cute most of the time, but h o l y s h i t. No, fuck no. Sorry, I ain't a saint, and I'm not going to be able to stop myself pouncing after 5 seconds like I usually do.”

 

There's so many things to digest in that one revelation, and Jungkook only gets one, and turns into a flaming red lightbulb because of it. “You- you want to pounce me?”

 

“Always. But it’d probably make you run away screaming so I refrain.” Taehyung says dryly. “So that's why you're going to follow me into the bedroom, and then we're going to strip, and we're both going to lie down on the bed and have sex with you initiating it, okay?”

 

“Oh my god, hyung-”

 

“Now.”

 

~*~

 

Taehyung sighs for the ten thousandth time as he feels breath dance across the nape of his neck, and it's not seconds later he feels hands smoothing under his shirt. But even though he knows it's coming, he can't stop the moan and jerk of his mouse when electrifying fingers brush past his nipples. “Oh. My. God. Jeon Jungkook, I'm still in the middle of my fucking game.”

 

“Well yes.” That dumb voice is so fucking smug, and Taehyung barely stops himself from turning around to retaliate. He knows that's what Jungkook’s endgame is, and he won't give his asshole of a boyfriend that kind of satisfaction. “But as much as you're free to play your game, I'm also as...mmm… free to try to distract you as… hmmm… much as I want.”

 

Taehyung tries not to shiver at the mouth and teeth working away at the skin on his neck. “Seriously, stop. You're making me miss the painfully shy boy who could barely look me in the eye without his ears turning pink.”

 

“Yes. Well. That was three years ago.” The nibbling and sucking doesn't stop, only pauses between words. “You trained that out of me after that first night we had sex, remember?”

 

“Duh.” Taehyung snorts, “that whole year was an adorable but painful torture. You were so skittish but so determined.”

 

“Can't believe you played dumb for a whole year.” Jungkook gives Taehyung's neck hard nip, earning an elbow in his rib. “Ow!”

 

“Yeah well, like I said, it was actually adorable.” Taehyung wrinkles his nose as his little indulgence nearly cost his character's life.

 

“If you liked it, then you shouldn't have let me get so comfortable with showing affection.”

 

Jungkook sounds entirely flippant, and certainly he has grown far more confident over the years, growing up and blooming under the attention and praise of not just Taehyung, but their group of close knit friends. But sometimes, that unsure and fragile child is still inside Jungkook, lurking underneath the shiny new shell Jungkook has made for himself. And Taehyung can hear him in Jungkook's voice now, probably thinking something stupid like Taehyung maybe preferring when Jungkook was shy and not liking confident Jungkook at all.

 

Taehyung turns around, ignoring as his screen turns to red and his character goes flying in the air with a dramatic death. “Kookie-yah. You were adorable, but you still are. You always are.”

 

The flush and stammering is still there, but what's new is the embarrassed light punch to Taehyung's chest. “Stop it, hyung. That's so corny.”

 

“And you found that out like… two months in after we started dating. You're still here.” Taehyung grins mischievously, even as Jungkook ducks his head, deciding that the best way to shut his boyfriend up is with a kiss.

 

“Yeah.” Jungkook is smiling a little when he surfaces, rubbing his nose against Taehyung's. “I'm still here.”

 

Notes:

This is an expansion of this thread on my twitter. I was just supposed to post random AU ideas there so I would reduce the temptation of writing it. But. WELL.

I need to get back to writing this monster of a "one-shot" now. And then to the Shop series. /lies down

That said. Hit me up? @curionenene I need more pple to scream at. Or scream at me.