[12/6/17, 6:47 p.m.]
“Hi, this is Orlando Bloom. I can't take your call right now, but you can leave a message after the tone, and I will get back to you as soon as I can. If it's urgent, contact Jackson College under 01904 667700. If it's life or death, you might consider calling the police or the fire brigade instead.”
“Orlando- hi, it’s Richard. From the ‘Riddermark’. Or, well, the Gents.” [Pause] “I was hoping you’d be there to pick up, actually, I’m shite at leaving mailbox messages.” [Pause] “So, I’m calling to tell you that I had a good time, on Friday.” [Chuckles] “Okay, now that sounded a bit weird. Getting fucked by a stranger in a toilet stall at the pub is not what you usually mean when you say you had a good time, I guess. But well, that’s how it is. I mean, the sex was pretty spectacular, given the circumstances, wasn't it?" [Pause. Laughs quietly] "So, listen, Orlando, I think what I’m trying to do here is asking you if you’d want to meet up again? Maybe some time this week? I’d like that.” [Pause] “Just give me a call if you do, or text me, or find me on WhatsApp, or whatever. Cheers.”
[12/6/17 - Whatsapp]
Orlando [10.49 p.m.]: Hi
Orlando [10.49 p.m.]: Got your message
Orlando [10.49 p.m.]: Cheers
Orlando [10.50 p.m.]: I don't recall giving you my number
Orlando [10.50 p.m.]: I was rather pissed on Friday
Orlando [10.53 p.m.]: Meeting up sounds good
Orlando [10.53 p.m.]: I can't tomorrow, but I could do Wednesday or Thursday after 6
Orlando [10.54 p.m.]: Let me know
[13/6/17 - Whatsapp]
Richard [6.38 a.m.]: Good morning!
Richard [6.38 a.m.]: You don’t?
Richard [6.38 a.m.]: You wrote it onto my arm!
Richard [6.40 a.m.]: You do remember the rest, though?
Richard [6.41 a.m.]: Because it would indeed be a shame if you didn't...
Richard [6.52 a.m.]: Wednesday sounds good, my shift ends around 4.
Richard [6.53 a.m.]: Where do you want to meet up?
Orlando [10.04 a.m.]: Who writes messages before seven in the morning?
Orlando [10.04 a.m.]: And of course I remember, I wasn't that drunk
Orlando [11.23 a.m.]: Sorry, got interrupted. Work
Orlando [11.23 a.m.]: Wednesday suits me, too.
Orlando [11.23 a.m.]: I can be in York around seven, name a place
Orlando [11.25 a.m.]: If you want to grab dinner, I fucking hate seafood
Richard [6:15 p.m.]: Those who did not choose their profession wisely and have to get up at dawn.
Richard [6:16 p.m.]: Dinner sounds good.
Richard [6:18 p.m.]: If pub grub is okay with you we could meet at The Fox?
Richard [6:20 p.m.]: The food's quite good and they have a nice beer garden out back.
Richard [6.21 p.m.]: It's on Poppleton Road.
Richard [6.21 p.m.]: Meet you there at 7 tomorrow?
Richard [6.28 p.m.]: PS: I'm glad you remember!
Orlando [7.08 p.m.]: The Fox. You're on.
Orlando [7.10 p.m.]: And don't talk to me about not choosing one's profession wisely. I had an argument with my resident nudists and a tampon crisis to take care of before breakfast.
Richard [7.12 p.m.]: Wait, wait, wait.
Richard [7.12 p.m.]: What?!
Richard [7.12 p.m.]: Nudists?
Richard [7.12 p.m.]: Tampons?
Orlando [7.16 p.m.]: Yes. I am an OB/GYN based in a nudist colony.
Orlando [7.17 p.m.]: I'm a teacher.
Orlando [7.17 p.m.]: Which is pretty much the same thing.
Richard [7:21 p.m.]: Man, that sounds pretty disgusting.
Richard [7:23 p.m.]: I hope you don't have to engage in childbirth?
Orlando [7:30 p.m.]: Fuck no
Orlando [7:32 p.m.]: But cheers for giving me some perspective here
Orlando [7:32 p.m.]: What is it you do then? Aside from putting horror scenarios into my head that is
Richard [7:48 p.m.]: When I'm not picking up teachers involved in bizarre nudist colonies at the Gents, you mean?
Richard [7:49 p.m.]: What have I gotten myself into here?
Richard [7:50 p.m.]: I work at the hospital.
Orlando [7:57 p.m.]: Your first mistake was to call a number a bloke wrote on your arm after he fucked you in the Gents
Orlando [7:58 p.m.]: I have two boys in my house who don't believe in clothes. It's not that bizarre, it's just annoying
Orlando [7:58 p.m.]: Satisfying work?
Richard [8:17 p.m.]: Very.
Richard [8:18 p.m.]: And people there believe in clothes, which I think is an advantage in the professional context.
Richard [8:19 p.m.]: And yours?
Orlando [8.25 p.m.]: Yes, now that you mention it I was pleasantly surprised by the general dressed-ness of people when I was in hospital last month. Glad to hear that wasn't just a happy coincidence
Orlando [8.31 p.m.]: Work's work
Orlando [8.32 p.m.]: Am forced to watch second formers perform what I believe is supposed to be a musical about dogs right now.
Orlando [8.32 p.m.]: Subpar
Orlando [8.33 p.m.]: You?
Richard [8:47 p.m.]: My heartfelt condolences.
Richard [8:48 p.m.]: I can't complain. I'm on the couch with a beer. And a book.
Orlando [8.52 p.m.]: Sounds preferable. Tbh I'd even take Kierkegaard over this
Orlando [8.53 p.m.]: There now are cats on stage
Orlando [8.53 p.m.]: Caterwauling gains a whole new
Richard [9:01 p.m.]: ?
Richard [9:02 p.m.]: You still there?
Orlando [9.24 p.m.]: Sorry about that
Orlando [9.24 p.m.]: One of the cats had a nervous breakdown / hissy fit on stage
Orlando [9.24 p.m.]: How's your book?
Richard [9:45 p.m.]: No worries.
Richard [9:45 p.m.]: I feel your pain.
Richard [9:46 p.m.]: The book is both brilliant and terrible.
Richard [9:47 p.m.]: 'A Little Life" by Yanagihara. Read it by any chance?
Richard [9:49 p.m.]: Are your little singing trolls in bed by now?
Orlando [9.57 p.m.]: Most of them are, or at least are quiet enough that I can pretend they are while having a brew
Orlando [9.58 p.m.]: Haven't read it, no. Not into fiction. Come to think about it, I had one of my last A-levels read People In Trees. Little Life anything like it?
Richard [10:02 p.m.]: Haven't read it. But if it's like "A Little Life" keep it away from children.
Richard [10:04 p.m.]: Do you live at that school?
Orlando [10.06 p.m.]: I don't believe in wet-nursing. My kids can deal
Orlando [10.08 p.m.]: What gave it away? The nudist altercation before breakfast?
Orlando [10.08 p.m.]: Yeah, I live on school grounds
Orlando [10.09 p.m.]: So, if we're going for a repetition of Friday, which I'd like, it won't happen here
Richard [10:13 p.m.]: Well, The Fox does have a men's room...
Richard [10:15 p.m.]: And I make a point of keeping my flat free of children, so that might be an option as well.
Orlando [10.16 p.m.]: I approve of your life choices
Richard [10:18 p.m.]: So do I, all things considered.
Richard [10:22 p.m.]: I really want to see you naked this time.
Orlando [10.23 p.m.]: Suave
Orlando [10.24 p.m.]: That can be arranged
Orlando [10.24 p.m.]: Means we're going back to yours, then
Richard [10:32 p.m.]: Well, why not.
Richard [10:33 p.m.]: Unless we find each other apalling in daylight.
Richard [10:34 p.m.]: Would you prefer me to be a little more subtle?
Orlando [10.38 p.m.]: Mate, be as unsubtle as you want
Orlando [10.39 p.m.]: Saves so much time
Orlando [10.39 p.m.]: And I like it
Orlando [10.40 p.m.]: So go ahead
Richard [10:41 p.m.]: No pressure, huh?
Orlando [10.41 p.m.]: No pressure? And there I thought you enjoyed that
Richard [10:42 p.m.]: I really liked what you were doing with your tongue.
Orlando [10.45 p.m.]: What thing? It's called kissing.
Orlando [10.45 p.m.]: Oh you mean that other thing?
Richard [10:46 p.m.]: Yes, that's what I mean!
Richard [10:46 p.m.]: You can't really expect to have figured me all out during that short time now.
Orlando [10.47 p.m.]: I can go with what I know
Orlando [10.47 p.m.]: So that'll end up with me having a sore throat again
Orlando [10.47 p.m.]: Fair enough
Orlando [10.48 p.m.]: What do I get in return?
Richard [10:48 p.m.]: Maybe better a sore throat than a sore arse?
Richard [10:48 p.m.]: Happy to change positions.
Orlando [10.49 p.m.]: I must've been more sloshed than I thought. I'm not usually that inconsiderate
Richard [10:50 p.m.]: Don't worry about it. We were both drunk.
Richard [10:51 p.m.]: And my coordination is a little better when I'm sober, too.
Richard [10:51 p.m.]: Might be a little easier on your poor throat.
Orlando [10.51 p.m.]: My throat doesn't need mollycoddling either. Quite the opposite, you were hot
Richard [10:53 p.m.]: You were a sight for sore eyes down there.
Orlando [10.54 p.m.]: Yeah, cheers. I got the impression you enjoyed that
Orlando [10.54 p.m.]: Feeling's mutual
Orlando [10.55 p.m.]: So, the plan for tomorrow night is to meet you for dinner and have a chat and pretend I don't want to skip all of it in favour of fucking you again straight away, yeah?
Orlando [10.56 p.m.]: How dull
Richard [10:59 p.m.]: Now who's being subtle?
Richard [10:59 p.m.]: I didn't want to be a cheap date.
Richard [11:02 p.m.]: But tell you what: Meet me at the tower, we can get a beer and walk along the river to my place.
Orlando [11.03 p.m.]: Man of my own heart, you are
Orlando [11.04 p.m.]: And I never said I was subtle. It pays to be obvious
Orlando [11.04 p.m.]: Case in point
Richard [11:05 p.m.]: Couldn't agree with you more.
Richard [11:06 p.m.]: Now I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.
Orlando [11.08 p.m.]: Same
Orlando [11.10 p.m.]: You still reading your book?
Richard [11:10 p.m.]: Haha.
Richard [11:10 p.m.]: No.
Orlando [11.11 p.m.]: Interesting
Richard [11:12 p.m.]: You reckon?
Richard [11:12 p.m]: [media content in this message]
Orlando [11.13 p.m.]: Fuck
Orlando [11.13 p.m.]: That's hot
Orlando [11.13 p.m.]: And wildly inappropriate, considering I'm sitting in the common kitchen of my house and a third former just came in to get a glass of water
Richard [11:14 p.m.]: Seriously?
Richard [11:14 p.m.]: Don't spoil the mood, man.
Richard [11:15 p.m.]: You are looking at pictures of my dick in a common area?
Richard [11:15 p.m.]: Get out of there!
Orlando [11.16 p.m.]: Give me ten minutes. Carry on, though
Orlando [11.24 p.m.]: In my defense, I was asking about your fucking BOOK
Orlando [11.24 p.m.]: Fucking curfew rules of my school, sorry
Orlando [11.24 p.m.]: Back in my flat now
Orlando [11.24 p.m.]: Definitely not a common area
Richard [11:26 p.m.]: [media content in this message]
Orlando [11.27 p.m.]: Yeah, good to know we're done with subtle for good
Orlando [11.27 p.m.]: Go on then
Orlando [11.27 p.m.]: And to make this fun
Orlando [11.28 p.m.]: As long as you consider typing with one hand fun
Orlando [11.28 p.m.]: Use your words
Richard [11:30 p.m.]: We were done with subtle when you asked if you could skip dinner and fuck me without further ado.
Richard [11:30 p.m.]: Not that I mind.
Richard [11:31 p.m.]: Don't be too loud, though. Your walls appear to have ears.
Richard [11:32 p.m.]: Touch yourself.
Orlando [11:33 p.m.]: Yeah, way ahead of you there, mate
Orlando [11:33 p.m.]: You'll have to trust me and the fucking typos I'll make cuz typing with my left is a bitch
Orlando [11:34 p.m.]: Old building, thick walls. Still want quiet? Cuz I remember you weren't on Friday
Richard [11:35 p.m.]: Quiet sex is no fun.
Richard [11:36 p.m.]: Tell me what you like
Richard [11:36 p.m.]: while I'm imagining it's your hand around my cock
Orlando [11.37 p.m.]: I like you hard
Orlando [11.37 p.m.]: I like you trying to keep quiet
Orlando [11.37 p.m.]: And failing
Orlando [11.38 p.m.]: Like you did, backed up against that stall in the Gents
Orlando [11.38 p.m.]: Good thing I had a hand free for your mouth
Orlando [11.39 p.m.]: Same one I have on my dick right now
Richard [11:40 p.m.]: I am
Richard [11:40 p.m.]: Hard
Richard [11:41 p.m.]: Have been every time I've been thinking about last Friday
Richard [11:41 p.m.]: I actually b
Richard [11:41 p.m.]: it through my lip trying to be quiet
Richard [11:42 p.m.]: Am failing now, too
Orlando [11.42 p.m.]: Fuck, that's criminal
Orlando [11.44 p.m.]: So tell me
Orlando [11.44 p.m.]: My dick inside you
Orlando [11.44 p.m.]: Or my throat around your dick?
Richard [11:45 p.m.]: Your throat around my dick.
Orlando [11.45 p.m.]: How did you come when you thought about last Friday?
Richard [11:46 p.m.]: That was so hot, you looking up at me from that tile floor
Richard [11:47 p.m.]: That image made me come all over my sheets Saturday morning
Orlando [11.49 p.m.]: Yeah, that was hot
Orlando [11.50 p.m.]: We'll start with that tomorrow
Orlando [11.50 p.m.]: Take the edge off in your hallway
Orlando [11.51 p.m.]: Before I fuck you
Orlando [11.51 p.m.]: For an hour or so
Richard [11:53 p.m.]: There is a convenient window sill in my hallway
Richard [11:54 p.m.]: but a nice little old lady living next door
Richard [11:55 p.m.]: she's half deaf but not blind. I might want to keep my trousers on.
Richard [11:56 p.m.]: but hey, hands
Richard [11:57 p.m.]: Can't see us strolling all the way to my place without touching either
Orlando [11.58 p.m.]: An old lady?
Orlando [11.58 p.m.]: Well, you sure know how to set the mood, mate
Orlando [11.58 p.m.]: So I'm on my couch, texting, wanking, and laughing my arse off
Orlando [11.58 p.m.]: Not my regular Wednesday evening
[14/6/17 - Whatsapp]
Richard [12.02 a.m.]: So am I
Richard [12.04 a.m.]: I don't mind laughing during sex though
Richard [12.05 a.m.]:Not my regular Wednesday evening either. I'm pleasantly surprised
Richard [12.06 a.m.]: Also still hard
Orlando [12.07 a.m.]: Same
Orlando [12.08 a.m.]: So, if your hallway is out
Orlando [12.08 a.m.]: Your couch then?
Orlando [12.09 a.m.]: Tell me what you want
Richard [12.10 a.m.]: I'm wondering what you'd look like spread out on my bed.
Richard [12.11 a.m.]: And what you'd sound like if I fuck you
Orlando [12.12 a.m.]: Is that so, yeah?
Richard [12.13 a.m.]: That's how it is.
Richard [12.13 a.m.]: It's a very pretty picture.
Orlando [12.14 a.m.]: Confident
Orlando [12.14 a.m.]: Nice
Richard [12:15 a.m.]: Intriguing
Richard [12:15 a.m.]: And you're one to fight back, aren't you?
Richard [12:16 a.m.]: Intriguing
Richard [12:17 a.m.]: Maybe I'd better hold you down then, while I fuck you and watch you come.
Richard [12:18 a.m.]: Which I'd very much like to assist you with now.
Richard [12:19 a.m.]: Tell me what you need.
Orlando [12.19 a.m.]: Fuck
Orlando [12.21 a.m.]: What I need?
Orlando [12.21 a.m.]: A fucking tissue, that's what
Orlando [12.21 a.m.]: Fucking hell
Orlando [12.21 a.m.]: Warn a guy next time
Orlando [12.22 a.m.]: Or don't, I reckon
Orlando [12.22 a.m.]: I know I left bruises on Friday
Orlando [12.22 a.m.]: It's only fair you do, too
Orlando [12.22 a.m.]: I'm good with that
Richard [12.24 a.m.]: damn
Richard [12.24 a.m.]: that's hot
Richard [12:28 a.m.]: I need one, too. Or two.
Richard [12:29 a.m.]: Wish I could've been there and watched you.
Richard [12:30 a.m.]: Tomorrow, though.
Richard [12:30 a.m.]: Or later, rather.
Orlando [12.35 a.m.]: Sorry for the delay. Needed to get cleaned up
Orlando [12.35 a.m.]: That was fun, cheers
Orlando [12.35 a.m.]: 7 at the tower tomorrow?
Richard [12:38 a.m.]: Yes and yes!
Richard [12:39 a.m.]: At the tower's entrance.
Richard [12:39 a.m.]: You can't miss me. I'm sure I'll be the only one carrying around at sweater in front of their body in this weather in order to conceal an anticipatory erection...
Richard [12:40 a.m.]: You don't mind if we don't cuddle now, do you?
Richard [12:41 a.m.]: Have to get up in 5 hours.
Orlando [12.45 a.m.]: Sorry for the delay
Orlando [12.45 a.m.]: Again
Orlando [12.45 a.m.]: Nodded off
Orlando [12.45 a.m.]: See you tomorrow
Orlando [12.46 a.m.]: Don't kill any patients in the meantime
Richard [12:49 a.m.]: Ugh, don't say that. Hits too close to home.
Richard [12:50 a.m.]: Yes, tomorrow!
Richard [12:50 a.m.]: Sleep tight!
Orlando [12.55 a.m.]: My apologies
Orlando [12.55 a.m.]: Likewise