It is interesting how your college application has a passage in the essay column about describing your home life? Why does it matter? How does my home life going to reflect my admittance to university? Do these people sit at their desk, reading the passages many have sent and such give glaring responses to one another? Is it pity? Is it a self-absorb type of feeling? Do they laugh? Do they anger? Do they cry? What fuel will they add to use against you when they request an interview with you? I digress. I use that word too much, but it describes me. The declination of our society and why it is periling down to the pits of hell? It ceases to amaze me how such a question can entice me to produce such a response.
I tap on that question with my chewed pen. I use it as a stress reliever. The lines are becoming more and more like a background to a snow-filled television screen when it is off the air. I still have a television set with that capability. It was a gift from my parents when I was ten years old. One of the many things I still have before that accident. I still have that and among other things, regret, sorrow, doubt, and despair. But, excitement, hope, and forwardness. The latter of which because I desire the best in life. I want to complete school, get a job in robotics, and take care of my family.
Or what is left of them. I want to give an opportunity to expand my horizons. To show my worth. To show that I am more of a divider and a conqueror. To show the world my value, my time. I want to be featured on CNN, Forbes. To be a presenter at TED Talks. Let the world see who is Tadashi Hamada.
"Tadashi." A voice wails to me like a kitten. I have to sever my thoughts for now. My brother dearest is calling me. I turn from my application and face my brother. He isn't that far away. Matter of factly, I am in his bedroom.
"Tadashi," he cries again. "I need your help with the details of this manga page." I blink quickly, getting my focus back together at the matter at hand. He gives me a glowing smile. A smile that is inviting with the intent of comfort. Telling me that I am okay and within the embrace, I am protected. He pulls a piece of paper and hands it to me. These are the backdrop designs for the manga he is working on.
"Can you be a dear and take care of that for me," he questions me while flickering his eyes. He does that to get on my good side.
I sigh quietly. I try not to display my honesty to Hiro. Why you may ask? If I push the wrong buttons, you will quickly find out why.
I take the paper, observing what contents that need to be filled and I sit back at my seat. I pull the pen from my drawer and begin studying the areas at hand. A tip about working backdrops, you have to be careful. Background means everything when producing a good manga. We don't have the technology, better yet the software to do online drawings. My brother sticks to the old school method; teeth and nail and bone in every pain-staking sketch of his work. As far back as I can remember, Hiro was interested in two things: manga and robotics.
And this upcoming name he is producing is taking the cake of his profound love of the aforementioned interest.
I put my pen down. I still have my college application on my mind. I slide it under my folder. He must not know that I don't intend to stay under Aunt Cass's roof forever. I enjoy living above the restaurant. I enjoy every single thing about my family. However, I have dreams that it is going to require to leave the bubble of San Fransokyo and head east.
Over the last few weeks, I have spoken to my girlfriend, GoGo Tomago, about heading out to Massachusetts. She was uncertain of taking that far stretch of a destination. As I wrapped myself tenderly around her soft shoulders, I tell her that MIT was a great opportunity to explore our future. I say our future because I want us to be successful. I want us to be together. I want us just for us. She still has doubts but promises me to look into it. I hope so, my dear GoGo. I hope so.
"Tadashi, darling, have you started yet," asks Hiro in a sing-song.
"I get right on it," I tell him with haste.
That alone is one of my reasons to get away from this place. Remember me mentioning that Hiro had two interest? Make that three: manga, robotics, and me.
I take a glance of my brother as he is edging out detail to put the thought bubbles. He blows the eraser dust so he can continue his work. Not until a year ago, Hiro began sporting a feminine look. He opts to wear more of women's clothing than men. He is now wearing make-up. Even perfume is more of an option than cologne. The Hiro I know is changing. I see him take a peek at his mirror, checking his eyebrows to see if he is looking good. He puffs his lips before resuming his work.
What I forgot to mention is that Hiro is an aspiring artist. Since he was twelve, he has begun drawing in his sketchpad in hopes of being a mangaka. Granted, becoming a mangaka in America is a hard task, but that is something he wants to accomplish. He has looked into studying aboard in Japan so that he can the opportunity to know the Japanese culture.
I know what you are thinking, we are Japanese. True, but isn't being a sansei makes us more American than Japanese. I am not even sure if I can mesh with my own people, especially when I have never stepped foot out there. I only speak conversational Japanese and English is my first language. Anyway, back to Hiro. I hope Hiro decides to leave for Japan before I do. So, at least I have a few weeks to myself before he departs. Or unless he ties me up and takes me with him via Federal Express.
God, he is such a brocon.
Hiro doesn't identify with his sexual orientation. He tells us that he likes what he likes. If he wants a girl, he will get a girl. If he wants a boy, he will get a boy. If he wants a stud, a butch, a bear, anyone of the spectrum, then that is his choice. Even with his femininity he still identifies as a boy. He has his moments of being masculine and his moments of being feminine.
Can you imagine how he acts around me? You be the judge!
"Tadashi, sweetheart," he tells me again. "You are really being distracted. You are not really working as hard as you usually are." He is smooth when he talks, like water flowing out a faucet into a glass. Not really a clever example of a simile, but he is letting me know that he has his eyes on me. He turns around and wraps his legs across each other.
Now in front of me, I see him in full view. His black hair is growing. He has been using products to have shiny hair and to have it bouncy. He is wearing a hair clip with it as well. His t-shirt is black and tight, having the character Kaolla Su from Love Hina. I see his black bra strap showing from his shirt. He is also wearing blue shorts that are tight around the thigh. He even smells of a woman, sporting the White Diamonds that he got from Aunt Cass for his birthday. He gives me a strong look. He squints his head, glaring at my direction.
He has something on his mind.
He lifts his head and sighs loudly. One thing about Hiro, despite his love for his big brother, he believes in productivity. His first name is due in a few weeks. And we are only one-third of the way finished. His face expresses it and my distraction isn't making it any better.
He swings a bit around his armchair. He is cracking his knuckles while whistling a tune. A tune I don't recognize, but I know he has something on his sleeve. And no, I am not talking about the tattoo sleeves on his arms.
"Well, Aniki," he purrs to me. When he says aniki or big brother, he is getting ready to express what he calls "love" to me. "Very well," he replies with a monotonous voice. "I am not really having good material for this part." He sighs again, licking his lips. "I really wish I can see some inspiration."
He looks at me, but not at my face. He licks his lips again. "I will sure love to have some inspiration to continue our work," he says with a monotonous tone again.
I interject. "Ok, ok," I tell him. "I will get back to work. I will work on this backdrop. If I have to, I will take this evening off before I…" I get interrupted when he stands and put his finger to my lips. He smiles, cupping my cheeks and slowly drifting his fingers through my chin. A chill runs through my spine.
This is now the time when Hiro expresses his love for me.
"Shh!" He tells me. "It is fine. We all need breaks every now and again." He kneels down. He is now at pants level with me. "We need to be quiet or else Aunt Cass finds out." He winks at me.
I am panting, but remain calm. I am going to have the upper hand. He is not going to do this to do.
Not again. Not again.
He puts his hands on my thighs, rubbing it affectionately. "Are you going to make this easy or difficult this time," he asks me with a serious tone. "It will be much better if you take off your pants willingly or if I do it, you already know what is going to happen."
Two images come to mind, something I dearly cherish: GoGo and my application to MIT. Two things I hold to me like what is left of my respect. She must not find out and he must not find out about my impending departure.
I put his hands aside and I stand up. I swallow the lump in my throat as I began unzipping my pants. Hiro glares excitedly, licking his lips and swaying his finger around his nipples.
"That is my boy," he says with a hint of seduction in his voice. Yeah, I like that. Quiet and docile, very good. It is better to be honest and let you go out on your terms." He giggles.
Since I am taking too long, he assists me as I pull down my pants. I tell myself in my mind that it is pants and that is it. I am keeping my boxers on. I yelped quietly as his warm palm touches my penis. He is very delicate, too delicate. He rubs at the base while using his other hand to fondle my testicles. I let out a moan. It is too similar, too similar...too similar to the techniques of GoGo.
That is how she starts when she is in the mood.
"I can tell you are getting turned on, aniki, he says to me while rubbing my dick. "I have watched that bitch of yours doing like this. You need to find better places to have sex." He hovers his breath over my penis. "Watchful eyes can make its appearance anywhere and anytime."
He continues rubbing my dick, gripping on my balls to apply pressure. "GoGo does this when she knows you are closing to coming." He giggles again. "That slut doesn't know how to take care of my Tadashi." He sticks out his tongue. "I know a place where you can come instantly. Watch to remember, okay?"
I get stunned as he tightens his grip on my balls while licking the phallus of my dick through my boxers. Hiro transitions to a feminine voice. That is the least he can do for me. He knows my type, but he also knows my weakness.
"Let it out, baby," he tells me. "Milk me in your boxers. Filter out that cream so I can partake."
He sounds like GoGo. I come instantly. I let out as he uses both hands to cradle my dick. He licks and licks until there is nothing left. Just a wet patch of my semen and his saliva.
I am panting. I am tired. I am ashamed. Standing here half naked while my brother is giving me head. I am certainly the brother of the year.
"Thanks for the treat," he winks at me. "You can put your own clothes on. See to it that you don't get distracted again. Understand?"
"Yeah, for sure," I say to him.
I put my clothes back on and return to my station. I began getting my thoughts back on designing this backdrop for him. Meanwhile, I am gathering my thoughts on how soon is the early admission deadline. The quickly I am accepted to MIT, the faster I can leave.