Chapter 1: Character Name Guide
Quick Guide(I made this similar to other fics to make it easier)
UnderTale Sans: Vanilla
UnderTale Papyrus: Cinnamon
UnderFell Sans: Red
UnderFell Papyrus: Edge
UnderSwap Sans: Blue
UnderSwap Papyrus: Orange
SwapFell Sans: Lord
SwapFell Papyrus: Mutt
MobTale Sans: Skully
MobTale Papyrus: Boss
Horrortale Sans: Hungry
Horrortale Papyrus: Paps
Reader: (y/n), codename: Dashcam
Chapter 2: Finding The Neighborhood
The skeletons find a new home
Beta reader is Amber!
Her AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayDreamingGenius
Her Tumblr: http://daydreaminggenius.tumblr.com/
My Tumblr: https://undertaleonlyitsonlysans.tumblr.com/
Barbara Smith was a simple woman. She had a wife of 23 years and two darling children that played soccer and practiced strip mall karate. Barb generally considered herself to be a very lucky and blessed woman, with her family and her well-paying career in real estate. However, today Barb thought that she was decidedly unlucky.
Her boss had given her shoe-in clients who were interested in some of the most expensive homes in California. Rich clients who could easily pay off the entire property and had a simple checklist of 'secure, big, private'. Barb was shaking in her tight, beige heels. The clients were monsters, 14 terrifying skeleton monsters, of varying levels of horror and intimidation. She met all of them once before piling 4 chosen candidates into her car to show them the homes that they might be moving into. Barb's hands were shaking on the wheel as she drove.
The four that were in her white Kia were more relaxed than some of the others, but the stifling silence made Barb whimper in the back of her throat. The skeleton monster in shotgun was a short and excitable one who was looking out the window and bouncing in his seat. Occasionally he would let out hums and 'ooo's in response to the sights outside the car, but he had given up on making conversation after he had shook Barb's hand and she nearly screamed. The three in the back were much more grumpy and self-contained. The middle seat was occupied by another short skeleton with a blank, scowling face and his arms crossed over his chest. To his right was a tall and lanky skeleton, curled in on himself with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his blank eyes staring at the floor. On the left was a fat skeleton whose eyes constantly drifted around the car and hands fidgeted with his cuff links.
The real estate seller imagined these monsters near her children, their school. Close to her elderly parents and their beach homes. Near kind and good human people. Barb felt like she was going to vomit. So, she did something she had not done in a long time: she broke a client's rules. She drove the car out of the city and to the wildlife covered hills, into an area that was secluded and peaceful but had many reports of strange and dangerous activity.
Her car pulled next to a dirty and cracked sidewalk, the silence of the skeletons made her skin prickle. In a business where you were reliant on reading your clients, not knowing what they were thinking only caused more sweat to bead on the nape of Barb's neck. She threw her body out of the car and gasped in the fresh air. The skeletons followed her lead and also stepped out of the car. Barb flinched with each time the car doors slammed.
"S-So as you can see, this community is v-very high class and private." Barb cleared her throat and gave them a shaky smile. "There’s only one house on the street that is currently occupied." She began a brisk walk towards a towering spiked steel gate that ran into the forest until it disappeared. "This is the sold home, obviously its style is a bit different." Barb put her hand on the heavy lock between the large swinging gates and frowned as she thought about the home's owner.
The home itself was tall and intimidating, a dark green color with shiny black roof and glossy vermillion trim. Vines crept up its side and a thick garden thrived beyond the gate. A thin path led from the gates into the green; it led to the front of the house presumably. From what could be seen, it was adorned with large windows with thick curtains drawn in and crumbling gargoyles clutching to the sides of sills and balconies.
Even the skeletons felt intimidated by its size and ability to fade into the background. In comparison, the other homes were much more modern and kept up. They were large, with three stories and a garage each. The driveway to each was covered in gravel and flanked by trimmed green lawns. Each home was the same color but varied slightly in design. One had a large entrance way, one had a bigger garage, another had a porch and so forth. Barb explained the neighborhood to the best of her abilities to the skeletons, her back turned to them as she strolled down the street.
"There are 19 available homes in this street-"
"WE'LL TAKE THEM."
The short, scowling skeleton was looking at Barb with bright white eyelights. His intensity caused Barb to cower.
"A-Ah...do you want to see the inside o-"
"we’ll be buying all of them."
Beside the small and unblinking monster, the tall and slouching one spoke. His voice was gravely and low and Barb swallowed a thick lump in her throat.
On her side came the smooth accented voice of the shifty eyed skeleton.
"let's talk business back at your office, Barbara Smith of 2278 Heaven's Way. maybe i can give you a few tips."
Sans hadn't felt this relieved in months. He, Papyrus and the rest of their.....family....had settled into their chosen homes the next day. Papyrus choose the home across the fenced house because of it's extra storage space and large basement. Currently, the two brothers sat tired and hungry at their table with some of their alternate selves. With having to move and purchase so much new furniture, everyone was beat. Dinner was three day leftover pasta and fruit snacks while Sans and another Papyrus set up the wifi. Wind drifted through the open windows, bringing the smell of foliage and sea spray. Sans had to hand it to his alternate selves for making this pick; they got it right. All they had to deal with now was the human living across the street. Tiring but serene, this move had been worth it. Although convincing the other skeletons that it was had been quite the task.
They were going to be ok now. They were far from humans and nothing weird was going to distract them from going home. It was alright. They were safe. They were going to be normal. It was going to be normal.
Sans isn't sure why he woke up so early in the morning, his brother was still snugly wrapped up in his bed when he checked and the sun had only just begun to peek through the surface. He stood outside his home, looking at the sky as it transitioned from dark and dotted with stars to pink and soft. Behind him his alternate self spoke up.
"you too, huh?"
Both Sans' chuckled at the pun and the suit wearing skeleton stepped to stand next to his other self.
"what’re you doin' up?"
"dunno, just can't sleep. how's papyrus likin' the place?"
Sans liked Skully, good sense of humor, good at intimidation, a bit shady, but he cares about Papyrus and that's good in his book.
"he's good, still sleepin. hows yours?"
"early start on the day, cleaning the guns and setting up the property right now."
"this is a good spot. how'd you get her to bring you here?"
Skully chuckled and scratched the back of his head.
"well, she's so scared of us she drove us away from where her family was. gotta hand that to her. then Blue scoped out the place and Lord told her we was buying it all. never seen a human so confused."
Sans snickered into his coat at the thought and turned his head to his companion to say something else when a blood covered human sprung out of the woods at the end of the street. Both Sans and Skully froze and their eye lights switched off as they watched her sprint. She limped slightly on her left leg, which was bleeding heavily and looked as if it's kneecap was sliding around painfully with each step.
She fell forward onto the dirty sidewalk, still for a few seconds before she began to pick herself up. The wind snagged onto her hair and pulled it into her face as she looked behind her. Only the swaying of the plants and the drops of blood on their leaves remained from her exit. The human faced forward, the breeze brushing back her hair to fully expose her face to the skeletons who watched her.
Her (tone) skin was bruised and dirty, a deep cut above her eye dripped blood down her face. The eye that was open was red and swelling slightly but even from a distance away they glistened. Sans felt a shiver run up his spine at such eyes. Focused and glazed over, thoughts running a million miles an hour, heart pumping. He could see her intelligence and her determination. Her eyes landed on him and Skully. Both monsters suddenly felt very unsafe to have her standing, hunched over a bleeding and broken frame just a few yards away. She tilted her head at them, drawing her eyebrows together in confusion. Those sharp eyes darted all over their bodies, lingering on the distinctive bulge in Skully’s pocket and his hand that hovered over it.
The human girl slowly raised her hand into the air and gave it a friendly wave at the two monsters. Equally slow, Sans returned it. With a nod, she looked away from them and limped toward the gated home, pulling the gate open and slipping inside. The gate slammed behind her and she disappeared into the garden a trail of blood the only indication of her disruption in the early morning.
Immediately, Sans and Skully were flanked by the other observers: a slouching Papyrus with a plastic stick of honey in his mouth, Orange, a twitchy and raspy Sans with his trembling hands clutching a rusted ax, Hungry, one of the other witnesses to the terrorization of Barbara, the tall and silent Papyrus, Mutt, and the smoking hybrid monster, G.
Hungry spoke first, in a deep and scratching growl.
"hey Vanilla, what the literal fucking hell was that?"
Sans desperately wanted to go back asleep.
Chapter 3: Welcoming Party
Instead of being welcomed, some skeletons visit you with the intention of welcoming
(GORE WARNING) at the beginning of the chapter, its very small but still like dead body
Beta reader is Amber!
Her AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayDreamingGenius
Her Tumblr: http://daydreaminggenius.tumblr.com/
My Tumblr: https://undertaleonlyitsonlysans.tumblr.com/
Skully was very tired. A day of moving and threatening and finally a few moments of peace only to have some nutjob human run out of the woods covered in blood and disappear into the murder house. Great. He just wanted a normal Thursday. A normal fucking Thursday.
Currently, the mobster was picking his way through a messy garden following the blood trail of a human who moved surprisingly fast for having a dislocated kneecap. The part that concerned him the most was how quiet they were; to have a human in that much presumable pain moving and not screaming is a major red flag. Skully couldn't help the lingering shiver against the nape of his neck. She had been far too intense to be normal and his gut told him that she was dangerous. More dangerous than the cannibal or the homicidal maniac, more dangerous than the anger that simmered inside of Gaster.
Which is why, when Sans entered the large, cobweb ridden home and found her body inside the third story bathroom, he slumped against the wall in relief. Years of mob work taught him how to spot a dead human from a mile away, and this one was very much dead. Awkwardly dead. Dead and abused, from the bruises on her wrist to the swell of her eye. Her body dangled over the edge of the tub, her injured leg awkwardly squished against the tiles. Judging by the bruises and nail indents, this injury was caused by someone very strong and very angry. Angry enough to twist someone's leg with enough force to dislocate their kneecap and likely fracture their shin.
Now Sans felt bad.
"so damn paranoid..."
He lightly kicked the side of the tub, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he stared down at her body. Regret settled into his skull as he stared at her dirty face and half-closed milky eyes. He huffed and removed his hands, kneeling down beside her. He slipped his arms under her body and rolled her into the tub, sighing at the amount of blood that had begun to run towards the drain. Next he inspected the damage on her leg, lightly running his fingers across the abused skin. He groaned with disgust and snapped the kneecap back into place, to relieve his own conscious. Finally, Sans removed his leather gloves to close her eyelids and pushed some of her hair back from her face.
He remained squatting next to the tub for a few more seconds, his warm boney hand finding her cold, limp one. Sans gave her hand a final squeeze before standing and slipping his gloves on.
No one could know that she was dead, the blame would immediately go to the skeletons. But he didn't have the heart to dump her body right now. Not after she had been so brutally attacked and died alone in an empty and cold house.
Sans was too tired and sad for this right now.
(y/n) was laying face down in her bathtub with an arm and a leg dangling over the edge when her doorbell rang. She groaned into the porcelain and slumped into a sitting position. The doorbell rang again and then there was banging against the door. With a heavy sigh, she stood and opened her window, sticking her head out and craning it to look at her visitors.
Two skeletons- no, three- stood on the smooth, rounded stone stairs leading to her mansion. One at the back of the group bounced on his toes, looking around the overgrown garden. He had bright white eye lights that seemed to flit everywhere and an excited smile stretched across his face, making his cheeks look chubby. The two monsters by her door were busying themselves with ringing your doorbell and pounding on the thick wooden door. The one with his fist knocking the wood was tall and clad in dark gothic style clothing. Scars on his face caught her attention, mainly because it looks like the edges have been faintly dusted with a sparkly highlighter. The skeleton ringing the doorbell was also tall and wearing a loose floral dress with a bright red scarf wrapped around his neck.
"MAYBE THEY AREN'T HOME?" The dress-wearing one shouted, pausing in his assault of your doorbell. The edgy one persisted.
"NONSENSE! THEY ARE JUST HIDING BECAUSE THEY KNOW I'M HERE TO CHALLENGE THEM!"
(y/n) smirked at that, amused but confused. Below her she caught sight of the smaller, bubbly skeleton gazing up at her. His sockets were black and his hands trembled over his mouth.
"A-ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"
He shouted up at her, moving so he stood underneath her bathroom window, arms slightly outstretched. The other two were now looking up at her, equally surprised. The human blinked and gave them a long and awkward laugh.
"Yup I'm uh....I'm good! Just....forgot to wash my makeup off! I came back from a costume party suuuuper late last night and now I've uh-...." She cleared her throat and gave them a friendly smile. "If you want to come in there's a key in a fake rock to the left of the last step. I'm going to wash up real quick."
(y/n) quickly ducked her head out of the window and clamored out of the bathroom, wincing as pain shot through her body. She grit her teeth and tore into the nearest bedroom, grabbing armfuls of clothing and then rushing back into the bathroom. She threw the clothes onto the floor and locked the door, turning on the shower to rinse out some of the bloodstains as she stripped. (y/n) tossed the old clothes into the trash, too bloody and torn to be wearable again. Just as she was about to hop into the shower she opened the trash can and stuck her arm inside it, feeling around until she pulled out a small metal flash drive. She placed it on the counter and hopped into the shower.
(y/n) was a prepared person who had years of experience in covering up and lying, and with this trade came certain skills, such as fighting, cooking, and scrubbing dirt and blood off her body in less than 5 minutes. It had also taught her roughly 18 languages, the best places to eat in south Italy, and to put highly scented soaps and perfumes in every room in her house.
So when her new monster neighbors were punching her door she was able to scrub off dried blood, slap on an outfit and leave the bathroom smelling like a grandma who just discovered a new perfume called 'Flower de Fuck' and decided to bathe in it.
Except she didn't grab any underwear or a bra, so instead she was going commando in her friend's oversized spotted sweatpants and his 2009 Jonas Brothers concert t-shirt. She tucked the flash drive into her sweatpants pocket.. Then she left the bathroom, which was still relatively clean and only suffered from a few blood stains.
"Hhhhhhh- okay, okay whatever- this is fine- fuck when was the last time this was washed? What the fuck is that?" She sniffed a stain on the collar of the shirt as she descended the stairs. Shrugging, (y/n) licked it and immediately recoiled. "HHHHHHHHHH-- eww ew ew ew ew, what the fuck? Ew. Blegh- ew." She wiped her tongue on the back of her hand, letting out a final cough of disgust from the back of her throat. What the fuck kinda green ass goop did he eat?
The human rounded the corner and froze, hand half dropped and tip of her tongue still poking out from her cut lips. The three skeletons all stood in the living room, looking at her with varying levels of concern. The one in the dress broke the tension first, by making it worse.
"OH DEAR! YOU MUST NOT HAVE GOTTEN ALL OF IT OFF! THAT’S QUITE THE GOOD MAKEUP JOB!"
(y/n) gave him an amused, easy going smile and refrained from punching a hole in her wall. She forgot to cover up her wounds. Fucking fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. Ok so she was super on top of it until she wasn’t. Which was now. Literally how did she not remember to do that? The cut on her eyebrow was still stinging and had a thick scab over it, her other eye was swollen and discolored and the corner of her lip was scratched and puffy. Fuck. (y/n) forced a chuckle and folded her arms over her chest, leaning on the stair railing to relieve the weight from her injured knee.
"Ha, yeah. I had to use that high quality theatre stuff because the party lasted for a couple hours." No one believed that. "So how can I help ya?"
The edgy one yelled first.
"YOUR HOME IS TOO DARK, MOODY, HORRIFIC AND MISPLACED! WHICH IS WHY I AM HERE TO FIGHT YOU FOR IT!"
The other two skeletons gave him exasperated looks, the smallest one rolled the lights in his eyes and then turned to her with a bright grin. He stood in front of her and offered her his gloved hand.
"HELLO! I AM S-BLUE! BLUE THE MAGNIFICENT AND BOLD! THIS IS THE GREAT AND TERRIFYING EDGE AND THE MOST FRIENDLY AND MOST POPULAR CINNAMON! AND YOU ARE...?"
(y/n) remained neutrally amused and calm, her mouth tilted up at the corners. She took Blue's hand, giving it a firm shake.
"(y/n), the soft and hungry. I'm thinking of fixing myself some breakfast, would you like anything?"
The dress wearing one- Cinnamon- spoke up.
"IT'S 6 IN THE EVENING. ALSO, WE BROUGHT YOU THIS!"
He held up a bouquet of artificial marigolds.
"ONE OF OUR RELATIVES SAID WE SHOULD LEAVE THIS OUT FRONT IF YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE DOOR! BUT IT'S MUCH MORE POLITE AND CONVENIENT TO GIVE IT TO YOU IN PERSON!"
For the first time in a long time, (y/n) felt charmed by someone's genuine sincerity. She took the flowers from his outstretched hands and held them to her chest.
"Thank you, Cinnamon. If you are available, would any of you be interested in having dinner at my home this friday evening?"
Edgy the Edge Lord spoke up.
"It sure is."
(y/n) had a lot of practise with keeping her composure but the look on the monsters faces when she said that nearly had her losing it. Blue, cheerfully grabbed one of her hands in both of his and held it to his chest as he bounced up and down.
"I WOULD LOVE TO! MAY I BRING MY BROTHER AS WELL?"
Cinnamon grabbed onto her other hand, causing the flowers to fall onto the floor. Obviously spurred on by her acceptance of Blue's physical excitement, Cinnamon gave her hand a squeeze.
"MAY ME AND MY BROTHER COME AS WELL?"
(y/n) let out a small puff of amusement and nodded.
"Sure, sure. Bring whoever you want- oh, do you have a phone with you?"
Blue used one of his hands to fish his phone out of his bandana then held it up, looking at her with a tilted head.
"Here's my number"
While the human spoke with Blue and Cinnamon, Edge watched them with narrowed eyes. He could smell the blood on her like faded death. It was buried under layers of cheap, mind-numbing synthetic scents but after years in the underground Papyrus knew blood and dust when he smelled it. Under her fingernails and hidden in her scalp. His empty sockets glared hard at the cut on her lips when they curled into a humored smile and the bruises around her eye when the corners lifted up.
"HUMAN-" (y/n), Blue and Cinnamon all looked at Edge. "DO YOU LIVE ALONE?"
She blinked, her mind quickly connecting the dots.
"Oh, yes, yes I do. Sometimes I have visitors but it's been a couple of weeks since someone else has been here."
She left out how unusual that was for her. Edge relaxed at that.
"I SEE. WELL MY BROTHER AND I MAY BE ABLE TO ATTEND YOUR PARTY. REGARDLESS, I WILL ALSO ENTER YOUR NUMBER INTO MY PHONE."
(y/n)'s neighbors finally left after her stomach loudly growled. They had left how they came, loud, bubbly, and attention grabbing. The human stood by the door, waving goodbye as the group walked away. She waited until they were out of sight before she stepped out of the towering mansion and closed the door behind her.
The human limped to her right, squeezing between trees until she entered a slightly groomed clearing. There her real home rested, a single story with a stooping roof and open windows. Its door easily swung open and she let it stay wide, inviting in the breeze. She tossed the flowers onto her kitchen counter and pulled out leftovers from her fridge, not bothering to heat them up before she dug in.
Her eyes lingered on the fake flowers as she breathed in the comforting scent of her true home. Marigolds. She lightly kicked her injured leg back and forth and squeezed her hand. Fear crept into her throat. Anxiety clawed at her heart.
"Time to distract..."
She reached into her pocket and pulled out the flash drive.