Actions

Work Header

Kiss me, I don't care if it hurts

Chapter Text

It all started a week ago; they have been at the studio for the entire day and once they got home every muscle on their bodies hurt so they called it a night and decided to take a shower and go to sleep. Jimin got to shower after Tae because the boy called dibs first and once he was done he snuggled in bed, taking his phone out, ready to check some Army comments and answer them. The problem was the exhaustion that made him fall into a deep slumber while scrolling through the nice words. He was dreaming he was eating at a sushi bar when something pulled him out of that fuzzy atmosphere and he realised his mattress was moving under him. The first thought was that there was an earthquake but then he felt a warm breath falling on the back of his neck and froze because he knew there was only one person who could do that.

“Jungkook-ah?”

“Yes” The answer was simple and he would have wanted to ask more but V was a really light sleeper and it was best not to wake him otherwise the situation would become more and more awkward. “Can I stay here?” Jimin nodded at the soft request even if hundreds of questions were running through his mind.

It was not the first time they were sleeping in the same bed but it sure was the first time the youngest sneaked inside his bed without a warning. The truth is, it was curious how the maknae was acting lately. He was known for enjoying teasing everyone but Jimin was his favourite to joke about, which sometimes hurt, if the hyung was to be honest. He understood he was not as talented or attractive as the other band members but sometimes, the maknae’s words and actions were making him feel like he didn’t belong in BTS and that was a horrible thought. Lately, on the other side, the youngest member completely changed his behaviour – if Jimin was the one to always crave attention from him, now he was the one Jungkook orbited around. It didn’t matter if they were on the stage, in the dance studio or in the dorms, Jungkook was always near him, involving himself in each conversation and even sputtering flattering words about him. He was sure this was another way of teasing him and if it was true then the kid was really cruel because he grew to love this polemic.  

He kept facing away, not closing his eyes for a bit and at one point he felt fingers shyly grabbing on his side, not brave enough to initiate a real hug. His skin was burning where they were holding and he tried to calm down and think of other things, finally managing to fall back asleep around 3 AM.

The following night it happened the same, the one after that one too so now Jimin couldn’t say he was surprised when he ended up sleeping against the maknae. Jungkook always woke up before the others so no one ever found them together which was perfect because honestly, none of them could properly explain what was happening.

Jimin found himself unsettled in the rare nights when the younger member wouldn’t come in his room. He was aware of his feelings for the boy, he’s been aware for a quite some time now and he knew it was wrong. There was too much at the stake – the band was too important, they needed to focus on music, not to fool around and Jungkook was not even... like him. He didn’t like to say it, he never did but it was hard to ignore because it was something that burned inside of him. He knew he was not like the others ever since he started school and he realised he admired girls and boys differently, passionately enjoying the last category. When they started as idols he felt relieved because that meant no one could pressure him into getting involved in a relationship but meeting Jungkook completely destroyed his plans because, oh boy – he was magnetic.

Tae was going home for the weekend. He went home Saturday morning, happy that he could finally see his family after a long time and they kept rehearsing without him, thought Jimin was pretty displeased because it was not that fun without his best friend. V and him were always goofing around, entertaining the others but now that half of the duo was missing he had to keep the boys smiling himself.

“Let’s eat out tonight.” He suggested but everyone refused, saying they were just going to have take-in. The pout on his face could be seen from a satellite and he sighed, bending to tie his shoelaces. He didn’t realise that he wasn’t the only one remaining behind.

“I’ll go.” He got up and saw Jungkook staring at him so intently that he felt his face heating. He couldn’t go back on his word now so he nodded once and after they decided to meet downstairs after taking showers and changing clothes.

It was very hot outside these days but in the late afternoon the air was breathable. Jimin dried his messy pink hair and was sighed when he realised how careful he’s been when choosing his clothes. He decided on white shorts and a large t-shirt with a complicated pattern. It was one of his favourite shirts but he didn’t have where to wear it lately so he decided it was the right time. Stupidly of him, he wanted to look nice even if he knew the younger would never think he looks nice. When they met he felt his mouth watering at the sight of the ripped body of the brown-haired boy and he unconsciously licked his bottom lip before offering a smile.

“The usual?” Junkook asked and he nodded, knowing he was referring to their favourite restaurant. The first 5 minutes of walking were filled with silence, just before Junkook snapped.

“Jimin...”

“It’s hyung for you, brat” That was the standard answer and they both broke in big smiles. The pink-haired boy flinched when he felt familiar fingers gently grasping his fingertips and he felt sparks spreading through his skin. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore. “Why are you acting so weird lately? Is this some kind of joke?”

“What?” The kid seemed absolutely confused.

Jimin felt bad for the accusation, it was clear Jungkook was innocent and he sighed, deciding to drop the idea.

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m tired” Was all he managed to mumble and for the rest of the evening acted like he usually did, deciding it was all inside his mind. Maybe he simply missed home and being around another person from there made him feel better. They goofed around like always, showing each other some stuff online but also talking about the future projects and such.

Once they got home they parted and Jimin began to wonder how much will it last until Jungkook would sneak into his room again. Maybe he wouldn’t, after all, they were together just a little while ago; funnily enough, the thought unsettled him. He got used to the warmth but he wouldn’t be selfish enough to ask for it, it was not good for his soul either because the touch built expectations. Maybe Jungkook felt really lonely – that thought killed him. He just posted a selfie and snuggled in bed when he heard the door opening and he continued to swipe through the many posts on his feed. He heard the other band member clearing his throat so he raised his head and saw him awkwardly standing near the door.

“Can I...?”  

The only answer he got was Jimin scooting closer to the wall and giving him the perfect space to lie down. Which he did, with an uncharacteristic lack of elegance, making the older smile.

“You know” Jimin left aside the phone. “Tae’s bed is empty”

“Mine too” At that the older chuckled, making Jungkook feel fuzzy inside. He sometimes was alarmed by the way his hyung was making his heart jump. “Do you mind?”

“Hm?”

“Me sleeping here” Jimin shook his head and turned towards him so now he was curled on the side, facing the maknae completely, a hand under his head.

“Why would I?” He smiled gently. “Are you missing home, Kookie?” Jungkook froze – he was not used to being read so easily but of course Jimin would figure right away. “It’s okay” He felt something wrapping tightly around him and without a second thought leaned so he could bury his face in the crook of his hyung’s neck. “You could go home for a day or two, Tae did” The chestnut-haired man sighed relaxed when he felt fingers beginning to play with strands of his hair.

“I’m okay” Jimin’s smile widened. Of course he wouldn’t admit, always wanting to make everyone proud. Another sighed made the older pull him in a tighter hug.

“Remember hyung is here for you” He murmured against the top of his head and Jungkook finally gave in, wrapping his arm around the smaller man, enjoying the familiar fresh scent.

He had no idea what was going on, really, if this was part of the joke or if the golden maknae was finally reaching his limit but either way, he was going to be there for his Jungkookie and he was going to enjoy these small moments of pure happiness.

 

Chapter Text

He never liked what he was seeing in the mirror - from his too big lips to his small hands the guys were always complimenting him to make him feel better. He was lucky to have such wonderful brothers but ARMYs and everyone else began to see everything. The fans were right – he gained weight, he lost his abs everyone was once so crazy about and no matter how much he was exercising during one day he couldn’t hide the fact that he was the weak link. He wasn’t like the others, he was flawed and he deserved all the mean comments he was receiving online because he couldn’t bring himself to be better. He was inconsiderate. He was an attention whore and the less strong of them all, sometimes he wondered if he really should be a part of BTS.

“Jimin, are you done?” It was Jin who was looking at him from next to the door. The dancing rehearsal was over already but he still had some moves he wanted to make sure he knew well.

“I’ll practice some more. Have a nice evening!” The older seemed contradicted for a bit but finally left the room, following the others towards a satisfying meal.

The pink-haired man decided he will go on a diet once again – after all, he needed to make ARMYs happy. So he didn’t realise when a couple of hours passed and soon he checked his phone and saw he barely had 5 more hours to sleep. He decided he could do with less so he laid on one of the mattresses they sometimes used for stretching and warm-up and closed his eyes. He would only  rest for 5 minutes.


 

Jungkook sneaked into Jimin and V’s room around midnight, as usual and found a snoring Tae in the weirdest possible position, his neck seriously closing to snapping as his body was half off the bed. He tiptoed closer but when he realised his hyung was not there he got out, wondering where he could be. The bathroom light was off so he decided to go downstairs, thinking he might have wanted a snack or he was watching TV because he couldn’t sleep. But everything was dark and he realised it wasn’t smart of him to leave his phone behind – who would have thought he would need it to find someone who was supposed to sleep?

He decided to go in the last place he saw him and once he opened the dance studio’s door he found the lights were on and on the floor laid the sleepy figure of Park Jimin, his phone tightly held in his small hand. He’s seen his hyung sleeping before but seeing him so unravelled made his heart thump loudly and he wanted to curse himself for acting like he was still a 15 years old around the older. The truth was, Jungkook had no idea what was going on inside his head lately but one thing was sure – he was drawn to Jimin now more than ever. Even if he would never admit, he liked to be bathed in the boy’s attention and to be peppered with compliments and he sometimes felt possessive when it came to him. Jimin felt like home.

He stepped closer and grabbed the other’s shoulder, gently shaking it.

“Jimin” He said but it took a lot more than that to wake him up. “Jimin” He repeated, this time louder and he finally jumped startled, opening his eyes and rubbing his face with a hand once he saw who was in front of him.

“Kookie?”

“Come on, it’s not okay to sleep here.”

“Huh?” He looked around and saw he actually fell asleep in the dance studio so he struggled to get up, a bit ashamed of himself. He needed a shower and he was sleepy. “What are you doing here?”

“You were not in your room.” Jimin sighed.

“One day someone will find out about your sneaking habit.”

“So what?”

“You’re a big boy now, Jungkookie” He ruffled the mess of brown hair and offered a gentle smile that didn’t convince the maknae at all.

“You said you don’t mind it.”

“And I don’t.” It was true, he loved to cuddle with Jungkook but earlier this week reality hit him and he realised that as long as this was going to continue, his mind was going to keep running wild and hopes will be born. He was hurting himself and he needed a break because he was exhausted to keep this mask on all the time, he was stressed and all he wanted was some quietness. But he was an idol and idols had to be perfect for their fans. “Please, just for a few days”

“Okay.”

Jungkook went back to his room quietly and once he slipped between his covers he began to toss and turn, thinking about the bad thing he did to make Jimin ask him that. He didn’t feel when the time passed but the violent alarm woke him up and soon he was having breakfast with the others. He took his usual seat, next to Jimin and grabbed the bottle of juice to pour himself some in a glass.

The guys were loud in the morning, like always so he grumpily ate everything that was on his plate and realised only in the end that the pink haired man’s plate was untouched, the food only mixed and messed around.

After they left the plates aside they headed towards the studio but on the way there Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s arms, interrupting him from the conversation he had with J-hope.

“I was talking to Hobi...”

“You didn’t eat.” Jimin tensed at the observation and he looked towards the guys that didn’t observe they were missing yet. “It’s not healthy – do you want to end up passing out again?” Jungkook remembered exactly how many times the boy fainted because of starvation.

“I can take care of myself –“

“Hyung...” Jimin’s jaw almost dropped at the appellative but he kept frowning because he wanted the other to give up on this subject. “

“I’m alright, don’t worry about it.”

“Guys, are you coming?” They turned towards J-hope who was watching them with a big smile on, ready to face another day of hard training.

“Yes!” The older answered and headed in that direction, happy that he was released.

Sleeping separately didn’t seem to be the only thing the band member requested of him because the rest of the day he did his best to avoid him which was weird in everybody’s eyes. That was what Jimin did – he always teased Jungkook with hugs and compliments, this was not even close to the usual him. His attention turned to Tae and one thing was sure – the maknae didn’t like that at all.

He knew they were best friends, he could understand that but whenever he saw them goofing and touching away he couldn’t help but look away and smack his lips displeased, trying to stop from his habit of moving his tongue around his mouth that was too obvious to everyone now. He didn’t like anyone attention’s beside Jimin’s and he sure as hell didn’t like to share it. He didn’t want to act embarrassing either so during the breaks he searched the comfort of the others, listening to their conversation but with his eyes roaming around another corner where V and Jimin were acting silly.

“Are you alright?” Namjoon was obviously seeing right through him but he cleared his throat and tried to act as if he had no idea what he was talking about. “That’s what you get for always refusing his affection” He said teasingly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t.” Soon the choreographer was back and they were going through the last half an hour until lunch. They had lunch inside and Jimin seemed to fool everyone this time too, mostly because they were so hungry and could only concentrate on their own portions. Suga was in between the two of them and Jimin was talking to Jin when he took a mandu dumpling with his chopsticks and leaned so he could offer it to the boy.

“What the...?” Suga mumbled and Jungkook insisted. The pink haired boy felt his cheeks heat up when he realised what was happening and as he didn’t like all the attention he was receiving he took a bite of the steamed food. It was not even half of it and Jungkook kept it close to the other’s mouth.

“Eat all of it.”

“When did this happen? The maknae is babying Jiminie!” J-hope said and everyone grinned, knowingly.

“You finally won, Chim Chim!” Jin said happily and the boy felt like he was going to choke on the food he was slowly chewing. He was sure he didn’t like to be teased like that but he couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster at the kind gesture. He turned to look at the bunny smile he loved so much and when another dumpling was offered to him he nibbled on it without a comment. Their eyes met and he decided – Jeon Jungkook was impossible to ignore.

 

 

Chapter Text

He was beginning to lose weight – it was visible but along with that came the exhaustion and the lack of force that was so accentuated that he could barely focus an entire fan meeting. He was sometimes getting so dizzy he had to take a short break from the dancing because he thought he was going to black out but he continued to stubbornly refuse any type of food, trying to distract everyone from what he was doing.

He’s done that before, all he needed to do was to mess the food around a bit, make some funny comments, drink a lot of water and discard everything he had on the plate before everyone else. They were supposed to watch a movie together, in the living room, but he wasn’t sure he was able to concentrate because everything seemed blurred and he wanted to sleep because that would make the hunger go away. He picked the towel and wrapped it around his middle, searching for the one that was meant to dry his hair. The pink was getting fainter and he wasn’t sure if he was going to die it again because there were people saying he was always getting strong colours so he would get more attention. People didn’t like his black hair either so he wasn’t quite sure what he should do. For the moment, he was too overwhelmed by other things to think about that – which was funny because all the concentration was directed towards his looks.

After he dressed his boxers he looked in the mirror shortly, displeased by his ever too thick thighs before putting the rest of his clothes on and entered the bedroom. All he wanted was to sleep and to forget. He was listening to some music when he heard knocks on the door.

“Jiminie – are you coming?”

“I’m tired, hyung!” He said loudly, hearing Hobi’s voice. The door opened and inside came the older member, frowning at the sight of the unmoving frame lying on the bed.

“Are you alright?” He smiled faintly when the boy sat on the edge of the bed and he felt a kind hand rubbing his back. “You should stop pushing yourself so much, no one can be perfect.”

“Beside our golden maknae” He replied with a grin and they both burst into chuckles.

“Maybe that’s what he seems like on the screen. He’s actually scary.”

“Not with that bunny face”  Jimin continued the charade, amusing the other further. “You should go before it starts.”

“You should go somewhere tomorrow, we finally have a day off.”

“What are you doing?”

“Probably sleeping all day or playing games.” Gaming sounded good but he also thought he needed some air. He wanted to go to the sea sometimes, he always liked the sound of waves crashing, he loved the way water would tickle his feet when he would dip them in the water.

“You’re not allowed to tell me to go out, then”

“Hmm, maybe” J-hope said and patted his back one last time before he got out. “You should go to sleep, you look tired.” He nodded simply and then waved when the other got out, leaving him in a deadly silence. He knew no one would bother him for a while, not until V came back and until later, when Jungkook was going to pay his usual visit. Truthfully, that was the peak of his everyday – when he felt warmth pressed against him, when he had his Kookie enveloped in his arms. He could close his eyes and as he felt the green lemon scent he could imagine nothing was wrong or bad in this world. He sighed at the thought and indeed that was exactly what happened a few hours later. If when all this started, they were barely touching, now there was no night without cuddles – he didn’t mind it at all, he craved the closeness.

When he felt the maknae moving he looked at him, knowing some whispering was going to follow.

“You didn’t come to watch the movie.” It was a statement and he slowly raised his shoulders as he traced the soft brown strands of hair.

“I was tired, Kookie.”

“Okay” He was sometimes like a child – Jimin wondered if he really grew up over the past years or it was all about his muscles. In the morning the bed was empty, as expected and he sighed at the remains of the other’s presence. The mattress still held the contour of his body and he could still feel the lovely aroma in the air.

He had to force himself to go back to sleep, not used to sleeping in but needing it. He wasn’t going to have breakfast anyway so what was the point of going down? He was going to tell them they had a snack and they will believe them, even if they seemed more perceptive lately. All he did was laying in bed and spending time on the Internet, falling into slumber from time to time – well, that until the door opened and inside came a hurried Jungkook.

“Oi, what the hell?” V groaned annoyed from his bed, where he was playing on his laptop.

“Jiminie!” The man said, without regarding his other bandmate that simply tch-ed and continued his fun. The youngest showed his phone to him and on the screen could be seen a photograph of a poster of a carnival. “Do you want to go?” It didn’t look bad and he had nothing better to do.

“Who is coming?”

“Everyone else is busy” He smiled, his lower lip twitching at the thought that he was the last one being asked. And there he was thinking he was special.

“You haven’t asked Taetae” The boy heard his name and left the game aside to stare at them confused.

“What?”

“Do you want to go to the carnival?” Well, carnival meant getting dressed, catching the metro and other unpleasant events so he decided to say pass and returned to the virtual world.

Jimin was truly tired but he knew that refusing would result into a sulking Jungkook so he got up the bed and decided he would go along with the idea. It was actually in another part of town so he dressed some of his best clothes, leaving the other two to chat, mostly fascinating by what was going on the screen. They were sometimes so childish that he had to smile. They took the metro and fortunately for them no one recognised them, partly before they had their mouths covered by black surgical masks and had hats on. The place looked lively and awfully crowded which meant that there were two possibilities – they were either going to create a commotion or they were going to get lost in the crowd.

“Where do you want to go first?”

“To the carousel?” Jimin answered, already spotting a ride and they headed towards it, remembering the funny faces J-hope made during those adrenaline rushes. When they got off, they were laughing madly at the dizziness and had to sit down on the closest wooden bench.

“I want some cotton candy” Jikook muttered after a while and Jimin wondered how could he eat after that? “I’ll buy some for you too”

“You don’t need to –“ His request was ignore cause the younger was already running towards the food stand where a long line already formed. He smiled at himself because his Kookie looked so handsome, all in denim, smiling at him from time to time and waving silly, making him answer just the same. Somehow, felt lighter. It was rare they were having such days and it was rarer for them to spend them together.

It took a while but when he finally came back he placed the sweets next to Jimin’s head.

“They look like Jiminie’s hair.” They both chuckled at the comment and the older took the smaller pink mess and looked at it as the other began to eat. “It’s good, I haven’t had this in a while.”

“You used to eat it a lot?”

“I remember I once went to a fair with my older brother and we ate these when we rode the wheel”  It was an imposing one – the wheel and secretly, Jungkook hoped they were going to ride it at the end of their mini trip, knowing the view was spectacular at night. His eyes searched lovely plump lips and sighed when he saw they weren’t moving towards the sweet. “Eat”

“It’s sugar” He sighed.

“Just a bite” He finally did and chewed on it as long as possible, feeling like vomiting the moment he felt it melting on his tongue. “See? It’s good, isn’t it?”

He felt like choking but he smiled fake and as soon as Jungkook felt the tortured eyes he took the stick from his hand and began to eat it himself, not sure what else he should do. After he washed his hands he returned to a requesting Jimin who wanted to go all over and who seemed a bit more lively than before. As they went through the crowd he felt small fingers grabbing him and he felt his cheeks heating up as he looked at the linked hands that fit perfectly together. Of course they were doing that just so they wouldn’t get lost in the sea of people but his skin was tingling and he felt something irrational fluttering inside his stomach. He wondered if hyung felt the same but he cleared his mind as soon as he realised how weird that was.

When they reached the next roller coaster their fingers interlocked again while they were screaming because of the hype, searching for safeness. The touching didn’t cease for the rest of the evening and soon they found themselves in the wheel, looking outside the windows, thinking how peculiar it was that they were having a cabin all for themselves. As soon as it started moving Jungkook looked downwards and saw other boy’s hand was covering his on the bench and felt the need to say something, even if that could spoil that perfect moment.

“I’m glad I came here with Jimin-hyung”

The other hummed contently and turned around to smile shyly.

“I’m happy too”

The city lights shined the brightest tonight and fireworks were painting the dark sky but Jimin couldn’t see anything beside that bunny smile he loved so much.  

Chapter Text

“Why do you always rank Jimin the last when it comes to looks?” Jungkook found himself dumbfounded and blinked at the girl who was sitting in front of him and whose book he just signed. They were at a fan meeting that was nearly ending and truthfully, he needed a shower and wanted to rest but the girl’s searching eyes left him speechless. He turned to see Jimin who was right beside him and who was now chuckling at something a fanboy said. He had cat ears on and he looked just as cute as always. “Don’t you like his style?”

He forced a wide grin and nodded.

“It’s just for fun, of course I like his style.” He’s always been too shy to admit but Jimin-hyung has always been the first in his top. He decided it was too weird of him so he settled with the continuous teasing that actually got him a lot of attention from the older band-member. The next fan came on and he answered every question, signing everything but his mind was fixed on the conversation he had. Was that the way ARMYs saw him? They thought he didn’t like hyung and he was constantly bullying him? He had no idea why but the thought made him uncomfortable and he decided he would look more of those ideas up later, on the internet.

When they were done he helped to clean and then grabbed the few little things he accepted from fans and headed towards his hotel room, the one he shared with Namjoon. Jin was in their room too and they were eating together on one of the beds so he simply took a change and went to take a shower, jumping on the free bed afterwards. He took his phone out and typed “Jeon Jungkook” on google and tapped on the first site after the official one, finding all kind of good words at his address. He was still considered a baby and a bunny by the fanbase but that didn’t bother him as long as they saw his manly side too.

“What’s the matter?” Namjoon asked, seeing his confused expression and he muttered a nothing while rolling on his front. “Jimin and V were looking for you.”

He was going to look for them in a bit but first he was going to look deeper into the web. And he reached a weird blog about something called Jikook. He looked at the title of the page and read “10 reasons why Jikook is real”. He read the intro and realised it was some ship ARMY made – in which he was involved with Jimin and he felt his cheeks heating a bit at the idea. The first point was “The way they look at each other” and he found himself grinning amused at the various pictures that were collected. They seemed to be staring intently at each other – how came he never realised how affectionate hyung seemed when he was watching him? He felt that weird twist inside his stomach again and began to swipe through the article.

Point 6 was “Satellite Jeon” and there were videos of him orbiting around Jimin at different galas. Point 7 was “Jeonlous” and when he read this he grinned cause it was ridiculous how inventive ARMY was. He never realised but it seemed he was always doing that thing with his mouth when he saw Jimin was spending time with someone else. He admitted he didn’t like to share his attention but he never suspected he was so obvious; it was written all over his face. He turned off his phone and groaned against his pillow, drawing the other two’s attention.

“What’s the matter?” Jin asked before stuffing his mouth with ramen. He didn’t reply, turning to watch the ceiling and Namjoon decided not to insist, knowing he would talk when he felt the need. And the need came a few minutes later, when he finally gathered his courage.

“How do you know you like someone?” They both choked on the food and Namjoon had to pat Jin on the back to make sure he wouldn’t die.

“What? You like someone?” The maknae rolled his eyes at the dramatic reaction.

“I’m asking you how people figure that out.”

“Is she an idol?” Jin asked and the youngest realised he was hopeless and he shouldn’t have brought it up. It was silly of him to think he liked Jimin, that blog probably influenced him into believing that – he was too tired. He closed his eyes and focused on Rapmon’s words.

“It’s different for everyone.” What was that supposed to mean? Shouldn’t the older ones be wiser? He decided he had no chance with them so he muttered for them to drop it and got up, deciding to go and search for Tae and Jimin and see what they were up to. They were in the room they were sharing and they were apparently making a live broadcast in which he got caught up himself, having nothing better to do. They were usually goofy during these, answering questions too and enjoying themselves in their natural habitat, the problem was that this time he felt different. He wasn’t uncomfortable but as Jimin spoke he realised just how much he kept staring at those plump lips and he gulped, trying to look somewhere else only to find himself in the same position a few seconds later.

“Jimin – who is your favourite member?” The pink-haired boy pouted cutely before giggling and  then wrapped an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, pulling him closer to him. “Everybody knows I think maknae is the cutest.” He replied and the smiled when the other liberated himself and rolled his eyes. Little did he know that his heart was beating wildly inside his chest.

He tried to keep a distance between them but it was futile because Jimin initiated a lot of skinship and he couldn’t refuse that. V went to look for Suga and ask him something ARMY wanted to know so they remained all alone in the spacious room, pressed against each other.

“I don’t think you can sneak inside tonight” He needed a card to get in so it was really improbable they were going to sleep together. “Let’s cuddle now.” The hyung suggested and even if his body went stiff, Jungkook didn’t refuse the warmth, melting against the chest that was flushed against his and sighing satisfied when he felt fingers playing with his hair. He would have fallen asleep if there weren’t so many thoughts that were torturing him, the fruity scent of Jimin’s body making him relax. “You worked hard today” His hyung would always praise him at the end of the day, knowing how much he struggled with the idea that he wasn’t good enough, that he was disappointing the fans and he hummed at the kind words, moving even closer. He felt Jimin’s breathing hitching and for a moment he thought that maybe he wasn’t the only one feeling this weird so he opened his eyes and looked up, finding curious browns.

“Jiminie...”

“Yes, Kookie?” He had no idea what came over him but suddenly Jungkook pressed his lips against the slightly parted ones that seemed so soft and so perfectly kissable. His eyes closed at the velvety feeling and for a moment he thought his heart would run out of his chest and his hands grabbed at the other’s shirt, as if he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t run away. It was chaste and heavenly and when they parted he was breathless. His eyes took in the sigh- Jimin’s cheeks were heated and his ears and neck were red, picturing perfectly what he was feeling which was a mix of happiness and confusion. Jungkook suddenly felt shy at the realisation of what just happened and he pulled away, trying to find his words, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

This was not supposed to happen – they were teammates and they were both boys! It wasn’t right, he couldn’t. He looked like a cornered animal so Jimin got up and tried to reach him but he jumped as burned and almost tripped over when he got off the bed.

“Kook-“

“I-I should go.” That’s all that he said before storming out of the room, almost bumping into Taetae that was outside the door. He asked something but he couldn’t hear anything because he was too panicked, instead he decided he should get out of that place and clear his mind.

Taehyung was considered an alien at times but that didn’t mean he was oblivious to what was going on between his best friend and the golden maknae. It was so weird it almost affected the whole group and when he entered the room and found a shocked Jimin staring at the door he couldn’t hold back his curiosity anymore.  They needed to get their shit together or at least talk about it.

“What happened?” His voice was deep and he wanted to sound imposing but as soon as he saw tears rolling down Jimin’s face all the annoyance melted and he rushed closer to where the boy was sitting. He was trying to stop himself, wiping his tears away hurriedly. “Jiminie, what happened?”

The pink-haired boy forced a smile but the teardrops continued to roll, contrasting what he was trying to show.

“Nothing, Taetae” He sobbed. “Nothing happened.”

Chapter Text

Of course he wouldn’t want him, what kind of question was that? It all has been a joke, that was all he could think about so he averted his eyes from the familiar faces and looked outside the window, trying to remain composed. It was the first time he was so close to Jungkook ever since two days ago when the kiss happened and it was all because they were in a car, on their way to a photoshoot. There were a lot of things on his mind, from the fact that he was worried because he felt fat and he could destroy the group’s image to the pain he was constantly feeling now. It was a chronic pain and he realised it must be a broken heart because he couldn’t think of anything else. Everyone figured out there was something off with them but no one insisted, not even V who could hear Jimin cry quite a lot during the night.

“We’re here” Namjoon announced and he finally was brought back to reality, turning to see they were the only ones left in the car. He apologised and got out, heading towards the tall building and saluting everyone he could see. They first had to get their makeup done and he was happy to see the makeup artist was one with whom he worked before and she was rather friendly, sometimes blushing at his words. He liked the clothes that were chosen for him but his face fell when the photographer announced they were first going to shoot the maknae line. He had no problem with V but standing close to Jungkook was going to be a problem. They were supposed to be themselves but the atmosphere was so tensioned that they barely got a couple of photos right so he was left feeling beyond guilty while he was watching the others working, trying to convince himself to do the right thing.

“Jiminie...” V said and came to the corner where he was staying, his eyes scarily serious.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” The pink-haired boy forced a smile and shook his head. “Let’s get out of here, it will take a while until they finish.” They first stopped in front of a jukebox where Tae bought some snacks and somehow they ended on the roof of the building where Jimin began to worry, not sure if they were supposed to be there. They sat close to the edge so they could look in the street and the younger opened the bag of goodies, shoving it into the other’s face. “So”

“So what?” Jimin asked, pushing the bag away.

“Eat and tell.” The boy was demanding and this time he decided he wouldn’t leave without understanding. Jimin was his best friend so he wanted to help him but he couldn’t do that if he kept being so closed. No bite and no answer. “Jiminie... What happened with Jungkook?” Brown eyes widened as if it was a surprise he figured out it was about the golden maknae.

He took a big breath. He never wanted his feelings to reflect on the group but apparently they did and the reasonable voice inside his head was shouting to him to talk to someone so he wouldn’t go mad. He was afraid Taetae would be disgusted – he wouldn’t blame him if he were, after all, he was not normal.

“I’m not like you guys.” He sighed finally and the brown-haired boy furrowed his brows, continuing to stuff his mouth. What did he mean? “I – I don’t...” A pregnant pause followed but he had time, there was no pressure. “I feel attracted to –“ His eyes casted down and in that moment Tae understood so he left the snacks aside, bothered by the fact that he couldn’t wipe his fingers on the pants. He had questions : Did he always know or did he just figure out? Did he like girls too? Why haven’t he said anything earlier?

They all vanished when he realised chocolate orbs were flooded and he wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into half a hug. He was surprised by the confession but that didn’t change anything between them, he was still his Chim Chim.

“Jiminie” He dragged the last syllable fondly. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Of course it is” He grimaced. “Boys are not supposed to be like that.”

“Don’t be stupid!” The hug tightened. “You can like whoever you want to like and it’s perfectly fine. What matters is for you to be happy.”  

“You’re not creeped out?”

“No way” Tae smiled and finally interrupted he hug, not before offering another squeeze. He understood why it took so long for him to accept it, in fact, he wasn’t sure he accepted yet but he was glad he trusted him enough to let him know. And he was proud of him. He knew Jimin, he knew he was probably sleepless every night thinking how badly this would disappoint the fans, how disgusted everyone would be, always oblivious at how loved he was. They stood in silence and the older rested his head on his friend’s shoulder, enjoying the comfort and realising how much he missed a tender moment like this.

“Thank you” Jimin’s voice was a bit hoarse and Tae grinned at him, brushing his hand through his hair.

“You can tell me anything!”  He received a nod and he began to wonder if he should ask what Jungkook had to do with this but realisation hit him faster than expected.  His mouth gaped. “You like Kookie?”

The hyung’s cheeks heated and he began to forcefully shake his head, obviously shy at the comment. Tae didn’t expect that, he knew his bestie was very fond of the youngest member but he never thought beyond that; now with the confession, it was clear there wasn’t a brotherly affection he was thinking about. He frowned – it must have been excruciating to like someone so much and spend so much time around them and never be able to confess. He was also almost sure Jungkook wasn’t into boys.

“What happened?” Why did everything explode now, after all these years? Jimin groaned, something strongly uncharacteristic but knew there was no escape until he spilled everything.

“We kissed.”

Shock was a small word compared to what V was feeling. He was opening and closing his mouth like a fish and as funny as he looked, Jimin didn’t feel like laughing because even talking about it made his mouth dry. As much as he wished for he couldn’t forget the few seconds when he felt the happiest, when he thought he finally could be himself around the person he loved so much.

“It’s okay, it was a mistake” It hurt him to whisper those words but it was the truth and he tried not to cry when Taetae pulled him in another hug, not sure how to console him.

“It’s gonna be okay, Jiminie. There are a lot of amazing people you can love.” It was true but they were not Jungkook and for the moment he couldn’t get over that, he still needed to mourn over his too-deep feelings. “We should go back.”

After a few moments they climbed down the stairs and found a very stressed Jin that looked at both of them like he was ready to have a fit. They got worried cause lunch was there and they were missing so after they apologised to everyone they grabbed their food and sat cross-legged on one of the couches. This was a hard part for Jimin, when they got delicious food and he had to throw it away but he focused on the simple salad, knowing it was the only one he could eat. His eyes peeked around the room and saw Jungkook was furiously typing on his phone, sitting next to J-hope where he always was these days.

“Oi, Jungkookie, stop texting your girlfriend and eat.” Hobi said cheerfully and Jimin heard V take in a sharp breath, which would have been his reaction if he wouldn’t have been so petrified at the news.

“Girlfriend?”Tae shouted. “What girlfriend? Why don’t I know about this?”

“Our maknae is growing up.” Jin said dramatically and some of them chuckled.

Jungkook had no idea why but he felt sick as soon as the subject was brought up. His eyes searched around the room for the person he always needed in such moments and he felt like throwing up when he saw a very pale Jimin staring blankly at the food he was holding. He looked like a beautiful statue, unnaturally still, knuckles white because of the force he was holding his chopsticks with. Damn Hoseok and his big mouth, he didn’t want it to be like that, he wanted none of this.

Chapter Text

Jungkook sometimes wondered why he was doing these things. He stared at the screen of his phone, at the many emojis he received and turned it off before placing it on the nightstand and burying his face in the pillow. The shoot was extremely stressful after what J-hope said but they finally took a good enough shoot for the magazine and they were free to go home and relax before the next day, which was filled with interviews. And now there he was – lying in bed, wondering how to calm his wandering mind and how to answer the message he just received. Whenever he closed his eyes he could only think of Jimin’s tortured expression and his fingers started to itch so he tried to focus on other stuff, which was hard because he was all alone in the bedroom too.

He had Sana’s number from a while ago, when they met during an event and he knew that she liked him but he never paid attention to her before the kissing incident. He wasn’t sure he was attracted to her but after “the kiss” happened he panicked and this was the way in which he could convince himself he was not gay. He couldn’t be – right?  The consequences of such a thing were bothering: what about Bangtan? What about ARMY? What about his parents?  He sighed before turning and grabbing his phone, ready to answer the question he received all too much these days.

From : Sana

How are you?

He had no idea how he was and he despised the many colourful emojis that followed the question mark; he never understood why people were using them so much. He typed an “Alright. Good night!” and got off the bed, knowing there was no chance to go to sleep in such a state. He wanted to cuddle with Jimin, to go back to how things were a few days ago when nothing was bad but he couldn’t and he couldn’t search comfort in the same place where he lost it. He went downstairs to drink a glass of water and on the way to his room he hesitated, feeling all his reason breaking at the idea of a potential snuggle. He missed his hyung, he really did and all he could think about was that goddamn moment. Whenever he looked at him, he could only focus on those plump lips and on their taste. He took a big breath and stopped outside the familiar door, wondering if he should really do this – all his reason yelled at him not to but he opened the door slowly. It was pitch black and it took a few seconds for his eyes to see something and when he finally realised his place was taken he felt his blood beginning to boil. V’s bed was empty because he was wrapped like a vise around Jimin, their heads dangerously close on the same pillow.

If he could be so easily replaced there was no reason for him to be there. He closed the door a little too loudly so he hurried towards his bedroom where he crashed on the bed, suddenly wishing J-hope would be home so he wouldn’t be alone.

He tried to play it cool the next day and he focused on practice. Jimin kept rehearsing long after they were done so they had dinner without him and Jungkook found himself on duty with cleaning the table along V. He was washing dishes when Tae leaned against the kitchen counter and began to stare at him insistently, a big smirk on his face.

“What’s the matter with you, Kookie? You’re all tensed up lately” He didn’t reply, feeling a childish rage towards the other.

“Jimin skips a lot of meals.” Was all he managed when he saw the untouched food waiting on the table.  

“Why don’t you tell him you’re worried?”

“Why don’t you tell him? You’re very close” His words were filled with venom and V had to hold a chuckle back because it was clear Jeonlous was rearing up his ugly head. “Are you going out?” Taehyung thanked the gods for all the acting lessons he took because they were the only reason why he kept a straight face during the charade.

“No.” He pouted. “But it’s a good idea.” Jungkook was ready to slap himself for the comment – what the hell was wrong with him? “After all I don’t care what gender the person I date is and Jimin is very cute.” He lazily opened a bottle of water while saying so and he bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t laugh at the shocked expression of the golden maknae.

“You shouldn’t joke around.” He raised a brow. “He’s not a plaything.”

“I see you’ve figured out as much.” V was ready to leave when a rather low voice interrupted him.

“What do you mean?” He grinned and turned on his heels to look at the boy.

“Get your shit together Kookie, stop being selfish.”

That was how their conversation ended and to be fair, Jungkook wondered just how much the other member knew. Did Jimin tell him everything because that’s how it seemed and if that was the case, did it mean everyone knew?

He wasn’t gay, goddamn it! And to prove that he decided he should go on a date with Sana. She was a nice girl and they got along ever since they first met, years ago, mostly because they both understood what being an idol really meant. When she insisted on exchanging numbers he accepted only so it wouldn’t be awkward but now he realised he could see himself involved with her – everyone would surely approve on such an affair as long as it was serious. He discussed it with the manager and he convinced everyone there was no need for bodyguards because they were simply going to watch a movie and then have dinner. The dinner part was going to be the hardest but they were going to manage somehow, he was sure of that.

He dressed nicely but not too flashy and on the right day he hurried towards the established meeting place. Sana was late but once she made her appearance it was clear why that happened because she looked very nice, a bit smile matching the entire lively outfit. A part of him was happy that she made all this effort but another part was annoyed because people were looking at them and there were high chances of being discovered.

“What movie do you want to see, Jungkook-ssi?” He had no idea, to be honest.

“We could see an animation if you’d like.”

“Do you usually watch animations?” He nodded but didn’t elaborate. Yes, he watched a lot of animations, mostly because of Jimin who loved them so much. It all started years ago when the hyung began to drag him in cinemas to watch the newest screening and years later he found himself enchanting by the jokes and the deep feelings those movies held. He felt warm and fuzzy inside whenever he could hear the older chuckling jolly.

They chose a Pixar movie and they went to buy some food before starting.

“You sure like fast food.” No one would suspect, because of his perfect body.

“I eat a lot.” He declared and the girl chuckled, her cheeks heating slightly. Her pale skin made the blush obvious but he could only think of red ears and adorable puffy cheeks in the morning. He needed to stop – and he tried but whenever something funny happened and he would laugh his mind would wonder what Jimin would think of it. Once they got out he was very frustrated and when he finally realised they were holding hands and he felt his own face heating, not used to the sensation. Her skin was soft and her hand was small, covered by a few rings that offered him the comfort of coldness. The place they chose for dinner was nothing fancy because they didn’t want rumours so once they received their food they began eating, a slightly awkward silence falling over them.

“Are you troubled by something, Jungkook-ssi?”  His eyes widened and he shook his head. “You can tell me if you are, I want to be here for you” Her smile was sweet but in that moment he decided there was no way anyone could help him.

“How about you?”  They had a nice meal and he didn’t understand why this should be more than friendship, why people always considered love so different and so much more important than this. Of course there was a difference between what he felt for different people but he was sick and tired of labels. He walked her to a taxi station where her car should pick her up but when they were ahead time so they sat on a wooden bench that was near the street.

“I had fun tonight, maybe we can see each other again” Sana whispered. “Can we continue the texting?”

“Sure” He felt rather shy, like he was out of place and he looked around to see a car pulling over. “Thank you for tonight” He said formally and she smiled, leaning so she pressed her lips against his cheek, too fast for him to react properly. She sprinted towards the car after that, waving at him once before she got in so he was watching dumbly the picture, unsure why he suddenly felt so down. He needed sleep, that was the answer.


 

Jimin decided there was no need in tossing and turning on his own bed so he got up and decided to go downstairs and watch TV. It was pretty late and Jungkook was not back, he was still on his date. He began to flick the remote until he decided he would watch Animal Planet cause there was something about big felines playing. He tried to shut out his feelings and he did his best, despite his fresh wound and he was progressing until he heard about this date. His blood was frozen in his veins but he acted like he was alright, not wanting to worry anyone

The front door was the one that made him flinch and he looked to see it was almost 11. He involuntary turned his head and as soon as their eyes locked he wanted to turn off the TV and go back in his room but he couldn’t because he was petrified. It was the first time they were looking properly at each other in what seemed like forever.

“Hi” Was a soft murmur and Jimin replied with the same word, his voice barely audible. It was like a trance, they weren’t able to tear their eyes away from each other and the pink-haired boy realised that the maknae looked thinner. Was he eating well? The hypocrisy of his worry was endless.

“How did it go?”  That’s all it took – he craved some kind words more than anything in the world. No, he craved Jimin’s kind words. “Kookie... are you okay?” He was not okay, everything became blurry and soon he was crushing into safe arms, always opened for him. Fingers tangled in his silky hair and he felt soft lips searching for his forehead, gently pressing against the skin there as soon as sobs started to wrack his body. “It’s okay”  

It was almost midnight, everyone was sleeping and his eyes were stinging from so much crying and lack of sleep – everything was wrong and as torn as he was, Jimin still couldn’t stop himself from comforting the one who broke his heart. 

Chapter Text

Jimin could remember the first time they met – Jungkook was the only one that didn’t speak almost at all. He was always acting cautious, trying not to bother, answering only when asked and shying out whenever the attention was on him. The maknae would even take showers after everyone went to sleep so he wouldn’t bother and the hyung could remember how fond he became of him from the first days. He seemed disorientated, unsure of how to react but obviously wanting to take part in every conversation and to be included. The desire was clear whenever he was looking at them during conversations, it was there when the members praised him and slowly he began to grow in every aspect, from determination to courage. Everyone agreed on this – the maknae had the most spectacular transformation over the years and they were proud of the fine man he’s become.

It was funny, really – how they went back to the square 1 so fast. Jimin couldn’t have imagine that he would be holding Jungkook like this after a few days in which they pretended they didn’t exist on the same planet. But here he was, his arms wrapped tightly around the familiar frame, his face buried in the soft hair he loved to caress so much. He had no idea why he was consoling him or why he was crying because he couldn’t get a word out of him but he knew he shouldn’t let go and simply wait for him to open up. Kookie was like that, he needed time.

“Did anything bad happen on the date?” He was glad he didn’t get an answer, as selfish as that might have sounded. He didn’t want to know because the thought of the boy dating anyone was breaking his heart in little pieces; he tried to cope with the idea and he was on the right path to accept the fact that he was simply not interested in males but he needed a lot of time to get over it because his feelings were not new. They have been there for as long as he could remember. Big hands grasped on his thin shirt and he felt his skin burning in those spots, his body wanting to reject the touch, knowing how much hurting was going to follow. He simply let it happen, though, and he had no idea how much time passed until the sobs subsided and his body was covered by a limp one he could barely sustain. “You should go to sleep” He suggested and the other got up, his face swollen because of the crying – a rather disturbing image.

“With you?” He sounded like a lost child so the older sighed and decided it was time to think of himself, for once in his life.

“No, in your own room.” Jungkook looked like each word slapped him and his fingers tugged harder on the material of the other’s shirt.

“Please.”  Why was he such a sadist? Why did he insist of hurting him mercilessly? Of course he couldn’t refuse those puppy eyes and they ended up sneaking inside the bedroom, Jimin concerned with what would happen if the others figured out what was going on. He was ready to go to sleep when he saw the boy was staring at him and he rose a brow.

“Clothes.” There was no way in hell he could wear Jimin’s clothes but he was lucky enough that there were some borrowed items still around and he could dress in something large enough to be comfortable. Once they sat on the bed  the pink-haired boy muttered a “good night” and faced away, hoping he could calm down his racing heart and go to sleep but the maknae had other plans. When he felt arms sneaking around him and pulling him closer to a strong chest he felt on the verge of crying himself.

“Stop it.” His voice was weak and he felt extremely tired, being played like this. A gentle squeeze followed his words. “Jungkook!” He hissed and scooted away from the warm body, wrapping his arms protectively around himself and curling further.  He didn’t deserve this, he was not a plaything. The younger seemed to be receptive because he didn’t try anything else and he fell asleep rather fast, which came like a relief for his hyung, who couldn’t close his eyes until the sunrise.

When he finally woke up he found the bed empty and headed for the shower, a million ideas running through his head. He was dressing when Taehyung smacked his lips dissatisfied, receiving the attention he wanted.

“What?”

“Jungkook was here last night.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Jimin stopped in tracks, unsure of how thin was the ice under his feet. “I heard you when you entered the room and when you called his name.” Goddamn V and his light sleep. “What is going on?”

“I have no idea, last night he... broke down.”

“Why?” Jimin lifted his shoulders impassionate. “And it happened he broke down into your arms?”

“I was there, what did you expect? Just because he did what he did doesn’t mean I can simply stop caring for him.” Tae understood the logic but for God’s sake, his friend was too kind for his own good.

“If he has the nerve to come crying to you he should man up and talk to you.” He was right but he couldn’t convince him he should do that, it was his own choice. And apparently he chose to stay quiet because nothing changed the following day. The truth was – Jimin wanted to yell at him, to get up and simply shout in his face that he couldn’t handle these mind games he was playing but he tried to get his mind preoccupied with other things, ignoring the jealousy that flooded his mind when he realised how much Jungkook was spending on his phone. He was surely talking to that girl and he wished for the day to come when he will be able to congratulate him from the bottom of his heart.

“In two days we’re beginning the tour” Namjoon announced at the end of the practice. They already knew the schedule but hearing the words from the leader was making everything seem realer. “We should go unwind somewhere tonight.”

He thought they were going to have dinner somewhere but they were actually thinking of drinking. Drinking was alright with him, after all it was traditional in South Korea but he wasn’t sure he could hold his alcohol on an empty stomach and he wasn’t in the mood for clubbing either. They were going to ask him why he was so down and try to cheer him up and he hated all that attention. The place they chose was not so crowded but it was normal cause it was Thursday and he faked as many smiles as there was needed for them to stop worrying. He didn’t feel like making conversation so he kept sipping on his gin and tonic, amused whenever the guys took shots. Soon hell unleashed and they began to move on the dance floor, drawing attention and creating a fun atmosphere but also drinking more and more.

“Are you alright?” Jin asked him when he realised he danced the least of them all.

“Just tired, hyung.” He promised and received a pat on his head before the other sat by his side.

“I think you should quit on that diet, Jiminie” What diet? He was fasting himself. “You’re cute as you are and you don’t need to lose any more weight, you already look skinny” He’s dropped a lot of weight recently but that didn’t change how he saw himself in the mirror.

“Thank you, Jin-hyung” He said with a subtle smile that made the other pull him in half a hug.

“We need our cheerful Mochi back” They were saying he was the sunshine of the group along J-Hope but lately everything changed and they were not happy with the dynamic. Especially that Jungkook was acting weirdly too.

“I’ll do my best. I can’t wait for the tour to start.” He needed something to focus on, he needed to fall asleep from exhaustion every night and the tour was long enough to make him forget.

The maknae drank the most, never backing down from a challenge and by the time they got back, he was completely smashed, needing to be helped so he could walk to the car. During the ride he fell asleep, his head resting on Jimin’s lap, not that anyone was surprised by that as they were usually really touchy with each other. He kept mumbling something in his sleep but the guys were too loud for anyone to pay attention to the words.

When the car stopped everyone took off so Jimin was left behind with the drunkhead and as annoyed with the situation as he was, he decided he wouldn’t let the kid sleep in the car.

“Come on, big guy” He said and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, getting him out of the vehicle. “That’s it.” His feet were unsure and the boy was heavy but he kept walking towards the building, only to gasp when Jungkook fell on his knees and began to vomit. Goodbye dinner, goodbye drinks and goodbye gastric juices. He puked so much his stomach was contracting around nothing and his body was shaking with convulsions.

Jimin rubbed his back all through it and when he fell on the grass he swore to himself he will never allow Jeon Jungkook to drink alcohol again. The trip to the first floor was an adventure and when they reached the younger’s room he realised the beds were taken and V was there. That little... He tried to keep the boy silent but once they entered the spare bedroom he began to ramble.

“Jiminie~” He talked slurred but the one he called continued to help him dress in clean clothes. “I don’t like her. I like...” Hiccup. “hyung” Jimin had to remind himself not to get too excited over drunken words.

“No, you don’t” He smiled bitterly and Jungkook grabbed his small hands in his. Their eyes met and the maknae nodded seriously, his fingers brushing the other’s with endless gentleness. “It’s time for sleep, Kookie.” He wished he could put some distance between them but the boy suddenly turned into a koala and he didn’t let go of him, not even for a second.

Once Jimin heard soft snoring buzzing in the air he finally breathed relieved, knowing nothing else could happen until the morning. A part of him wanted to liberate himself from the strong cage made by Jungkook’s arms but he ignored that voice. It was childish of him, foolish even, but he decided not to break the spell until the morning, when everything would be “forgotten” and all his happiness and hope would turn to dust.

Chapter Text

“Hyung” A weak voice could be heard inside the room. “I’m gonna die” Jungkook whined and Jimin pouted amused at the dramatic boy, bringing him the glass of water he just filled. He was pale indeed but whenever he was complaining, the pink haired man would remind him why he was like this by enumerating all the drinks he combined the night before.  One thing they established – he was not allowed to drink like that ever again because he seriously scared the older one who woke up before him and had to check to see if he was still breathing because he was sleeping so deeply.

The day was off so the maknae had the privilege to spend half of it in Jimin’s bed, getting up only for a short shower and to hurry to the bathroom when he felt like he was ready to vomit his guts. He’s been whiny all this time and acting like a little baby, trapping Jimin and Tae with him. At a point he fell back asleep and the both of them went downstairs where they decided to boil some rice for him and make some tea.

“You do realise you’re brewing tea for the person who broke your heart, eh?” V asked and the other exhaled loudly, knowing who was right. “And he’s in your bed, where he slept last night. With you.” Tae sure loved to twist the knife but he guessed it was for his sake.

“I decided it’s the best for everyone if we go back to normal” Taehyung opened his mouth, shocked.

“That’s not okay.”

“There’s no other way, I’ll get over it, eventually.” He smiled bitterly and after a few minutes took the things they prepared to the maknae. Jungkook seemed surprised to see the way his hyungs were acting towards him but he felt like weight was lifted off his shoulders now that he could bicker with them as usual.

Of course it wouldn’t be easy, Jimin knew that his pain would vanish on the first day but he wanted to keep seeing Jungkook smile, he wanted to be around him and have him come to him whenever he was in trouble. The atmosphere was lighter but as the day passed Jimin felt worse and worse, to the point where he almost had a panic attack in the middle of the concert and could barely continue. It was not only the romantic thing, he was also under a lot of pressure because of the social media. He wasn’t dumb, he saw all those comments and he knew he wasn’t as pretty as the other members, as talented, his body wasn’t looking good enough. Everyone was talking about his missing abs and he really wished he could give them what they wanted but he could barely stand on his feet anymore and he didn’t have time to hit the gym.

He was moving his salad from one part of the plate to another, mentally calculating how many calories each veggie had, having them already memorised. The others were having burgers and he could barely stand the smell but he wanted to spend time with them because they just had their job done well and the next day they were going to change the city.

A French fry ended in his plate and he furrowed at the sight until another one followed and another and he turned around to see Jungkook was putting them there, letting them slide from his portion.

“I’m not a dog, Kookie!” He said and pushed the greasy things aside, not wanting to eat them.

“I was only...”

“I am the one who should take care of you, not the other way around.” He said with a smile and disposed everything, concentrating on the conversation between Jin and Namjoon. It was all okay until he felt the maknae leaning against him and resting his head on his shoulder, making him go incredibly tense because of the contact. Fingers brushed his and V threw him a look from across the room, wondering how he could stand this, why did he let it happen.

“Jungkook-ah, isn’t your girlfriend upset that you can’t see her during this time?” Hobi asked and Jimin felt pain spreading through his chest, burning his insides.

“She- uhm...”

“Leave him alone, it’s personal” Namjoon said and J-Hope pouted. “Focus on Bangtan”

Jimin was glad they weren’t changing the topic into this and as much as he wanted to leave he didn’t want to act suspiciously so he waited for some time to pass until he excused himself and hurried to the hotel room he shared with Jin to take a shower. It was a lot harder than he expected, a lot harder.

Once Jimin was gone the guys decided he was right and they needed to rest so they headed towards their rooms, joking and talking about the concert they just had. V wanted to post something on social media, Suga was obviously threatening anyone that they won’t see the morning light if they were going to disturb his sleep but Jungkook had other plans. The oldest member was surprised when the maknae asked him if they could talk in private.

“Sure, Jungkookie, what’s the matter?”

“Could we change rooms for tonight?” Jin burst into laughter.

“Suga-hyung is scary, huh?”  He took a big breath. “Hyung will sacrifice himself for you”

“Thank you!” The boy said a little too loudly and received a pat on the shoulder and a “good night”. So he sneaked inside his bedroom to grab some things and then hurried to the new one, deciding it was the time to talk to Jimin about Sana and about what was going on in his life. He was surprised when he found no one was there but he saw the bathroom light on so he began to change his clothes and sat on the spare bed, checking his phone. He wanted to wait but then a strangled sound came from behind the door and he hurried towards there, ready to see if everything was alright.

“Jimin-“ He heard soft sobs and the door locked so he began to knock. “Hyung, are you alright?”

“Y-yes, Kookie, go to sleep!” He had no idea he was supposed to share a room with him, all he wanted was to know he was gone from there. But his voice was shaky and he was obviously crying so the maknae began to tug on the handle, hopeless.

“Open the door” He tried, feeling panic rising inside him; he knew something was terribly wrong and he wanted to be there for the other when he needed support. “Hyung!” He began to tug harder and harder and thank God for his muscles because Jimin got scared he would break the door and finally unlocked it, covering his face with both hands as he stepped back.

Jungkook was shocked – he never saw anything like it. His Jiminie was beautiful when crying, he was like a renaissance painting but this time it was not the same because he was almost howling and when he saw red stains on the floor his mind began to run wildly. He wanted to grab him and ask him what was going on but as soon as he tried to do so, the boy took a step back, unbalanced and almost fell on the ground only to curl in a ball and shield himself from the familiar touch. Brown eyes roamed around his body and his mouth opened in shock when he put two and two together and kneeled by the shaking frame.

“Jiminie” He whispered and touched a trembling leg.

“Go away!” His voice was hoarse and he choked on his own words. “Please!”

“I-I’m sorry but I won’t” Jungkook decided and grabbed the pink haired boy’s arm, pulling him closer and wrapping his arms around him tightly, absorbing every sob. He knew it was his fault too and it was breaking his heart to see Jimin so crushed. Only when the older ended on his lap has he realised the short pants he was wearing were soaked and that was not water – it was something thicker and stickier and his eyes casted downwards. “Hyung” It was obviously blood and he felt his stomach turning upside down. Jimin was hysterically sobbing, he couldn’t talk to him and as soon as he tried to let go for a bit to see what kind of wounds were hiding under the material he felt arms wrapping around his neck and a damp face buried in the crook of his neck.

“Kookie –“ He was a blabbering mess. “I’m sorry.” Why was he sorry? He did nothing wrong but still here he was, apologising like everything that was wrong in the world was his fault.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Jungkook said and slowly pushed him away, deciding he must take care of the blood. “I need to see.” He said and slowly rode up the large legs of the pants, revealing destroyed thighs. The flesh there, that has always been flawless, was now chopped, thick cuts covering it. In some places the blood dried and stuck to the material so when Jungkook tried to uncover them Jimin winced in pain. He was absolutely shocked, he had no idea how to react, too taken aback by the terrible image. “Why are you doing this?”

“It-it was the first time, I won’t d-do it anymore.” The boy sobbed and tried to cover the wounds. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Jiminie” The maknae felt his eyes clouding with tears but knew he had to keep it together. “Let me help.” He whispered and cupped the elder’s face in his big hands, forcing eye contact. The pink haired boy nodded, tears still sliding down his cheeks so Jungkook guided him to the bathtub where he helped him undress.

“I can do this” He whispered but he obviously couldn’t because he was still shaking badly.  His boxers were still on but he felt terribly naked and self-conscious because Kookie could see his every imperfection and weakness like that. The boy was beyond gentle and Jimin sighed because his touch could be so comforting and caring, contrasting the rough way he was sometimes handling his hyungs. He held his breath a lot but in the end the wounds were clean, gently dried and the next step was having his cuts creamed and bandaged.

“Hyung” Jungkook tried but the older was lost, staring blankly nowhere in particular. “We should rest” He was relieved the next day was concert free, he wanted to ask if Jimin could take it easier for the next couple of days because it was clear he reached his breaking point and he didn’t want to see him hurting like this anymore.

They laid on the same bed and for the first time in a while, Jimin didn’t protest when arms wrapped around him and he was pressed against a strong chest. He felt warm but also dizzy and he felt like he could sleep forever, in this safe embrace he always considered home.

“Kookie” The weak voice startled the maknae that was still deep in thoughts, guilt flooding his brain. “Do you hate me now?” He sounded so worried and tired that Jungkook wondered if he was on the brink of tears again. Of course he didn’t hate him, there was nothing that could make him think that way. Soft lips pressed on the nape of the smaller boy’s neck.

“I could never, hyung. Never” 

Chapter Text

His everything hurt – his eyes were puffy from all the crying, his face swollen and his hips felt very uncomfortable. Whenever he was shifting he felt pain ripping through his body so he tried to remain as still as possible, even if his stomach was in knots and he wanted to get away from Jungkook who was still holding onto him like nothing was wrong in the entire world. The younger was still asleep so he took his time to stare at his beautiful face, focusing on the parted lips that looked oh so soft. He knew he was only harming himself by thinking about it but he couldn’t not remember how their mouths met back then, even if it was for such a short time, how wildly his heart was beating and how beautiful everything seemed. His fingertips danced across the skin of his cheek but retreated once the boy began to shift and opened his brown eyes slowly.

“Good morning” His voice was raspy, extremely sexy and for a moment Jimin thought of everything he would give to wake up like this every day.

“Good morning” He was surprised because he talked just as hoarsely and was ready to get off the bed when he felt bigger hands grasping his under the covers. “Kookie, I need to use the bathroom.” He looked at the electric clock on the nightstand and saw it was a little over 6 AM and that meant they had two more hours to get dressed and go downstairs to have breakfast. The maknae promised he wouldn’t tell anyone what he witnessed but he wasn’t sure he will do so now, when the soberness of a new day hit both of them. He wrinkled his nose at the sight once he pulled off his pants – the flesh of his thick thighs was destroyed now and he could only imagine how hard he was going to hide them from the people who were dressing them and from the other band members.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook sounded concerned from behind the door. Was he going to be like this from now on? Acting like he couldn’t take care of himself? Well, he had his reasons and he was too tired to fight it.

“Yes” He washed his hands and got back inside the bedroom where the brown-haired boy was sitting on the edge of the bed. “We need to talk.”

Jungkook felt his heartbeat increasing and he gulped, anxious because he had no idea how he was supposed to formulate everything. To be honest, he had no idea what he wanted to say, all he knew was that Jimin made him happy but of course life couldn’t be this easy; they were both boys, everyone was expecting for him to continue his “relationship” with Sana and he was scared he will be the one to destroy BTS. Sometimes, when he watched Jimin smiling he wondered how could loving  him be wrong?

“Yes”  He took a big breath and his mouth opened – he was ready to say what he was feeling and face the consequences but –

“I can accept the fact that the kiss was a mistake, we don’t have to ruin everything because of that. You’re young and curious.” He forced a smile and looked in his lap, knowing it was all a big lie. “I am not like that, not like you.”  Jungkook frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I prefer boys.” The maknae’s mouth gaped. So it was not like it was for him, he was not the exception, Jiminie was not into girls too. “I need a little space –“ He looked up, his eyes teary. “And then we can be like before again, okay? The two of us, Tae, everyone, we can be like we always were.” Lies, lies, lies. He knew he could never go back but he wanted to try.

Every ounce of courage he stored up vanished from Jungkook’s body, leaving him numb. Why was hearing this so disappointing? It wasn’t like he wanted a relationship with Jimin or anything, of course not.

Jungkook tried to keep the distance, it was not as bad as before but there were less touches, less intimate jokes. As much as he tried, his eyes would always follow Jimin across the room and whenever he saw him talking to someone else he felt jealousy boiling his blood, unhappy he couldn’t be in their place. But it was for the best and he never intended to hurt him. The concerts went well and they had a lot of fun as a group but he felt they were slowly drifting away from each other, so further than he could barely remember how it was to make him laugh.

“You look handsome in glasses, Kookie” Jimin’s voice startled him but he felt his cheeks heating because it was the first compliment in a while and he felt – good. The boy seemed incredibly joyful the past days and he wondered if there was any reason behind that.

“Jimin-ssi” Both of them turned their heads in the direction of the strange voice and Jungkook was surprised when the older sprinted towards its owner. It was a young boy, he couldn’t tell what age he was but one thing was sure – his hyung was smiling brightly around him, tapping his shoulder playfully the way he would do whenever someone teased him. Shock was a small word compared to what he was feeling, he felt his insides twisting at the thought of him being the reason why the boy seemed so brighter.

“I think he likes our Mochi” V’s voice came and Jungkook turned around to see him drying his hair with a towel. They were all sweaty because they just ended a concert and he grabbed a bottle of water that he sipped on, his eyes reaching the two laughing silhouettes again. “He seems nice” The manknae nodded once and picked his buzzing phone, feeling the exhaustion hitting him once he saw that Sana was the one calling. He pressed the red dot and then headed from his room, feeling everything crumble around him. Why was she still bothering, couldn’t she see he didn’t feel anything towards her? It’s been months and he never showed any form of affection, they haven’t even kissed.

He had a long and cold shower, trying to shoo his thoughts away but V’s words kept echoing through his brain mercilessly. Jimin could see whoever he wanted, he wasn’t his property. They decided to meet for dinner in Namjoon and Hobi’s shared room and he saw right away who was missing but didn’t get a word out until Suga did it.

“Where’s Jimin?” Tae smiled.

“He’s eating with his new friend.”

“So we’re not good anymore.” Jin said dramatically, stuffing his face with more noodles. They didn’t real it mean it but they also had no idea how much the information tugged at their golden maknae’s heart. He finished first and announced he was going to go to sleep early but as soon as he got out of the room he almost bumped into someone. His eyes met familiar chocolate browns and he felt a shiver crawling down his spine.

“Done already, Kookie?” Jimin asked jokingly and tried to rub his head only for the other to dodge the touch.

“Stop treating me like a child.” It was the jealousy talking and as rude as he’s been he didn’t bother to apologise, he only walked faster towards his bedroom, leaving a clueless hyung behind.

Choi, that was the name of the boy and he was working for them, on sound – it seemed. Everyone said he was okay but Jungkook felt something was off about him, there must have been something wrong with the guy. He could barely stand seeing the two of them together, he continued to stay away from Jimin, that until he had to get him from his room one day, because they were having dinner out.

“Come in” He heard after knocking on the door and as soon as he entered the room he found the older boy was staring at different shirts that were laid on the bed for display. “Which one looks better on me?”

“All of them” He blurted the words mindlessly. “Why?”

“Didn’t the guys tell you? I’m having the afternoon free so I’m going out.”

“With that guy?” His words were filled with venom and Jimin’s eyes widened at the ring of them. “You can’t do that!”

“Why not?” Now he was getting upset.

“Because you’re neglecting Bangtan!” A hand was ran through pink hair but not for the same reason it did on stage but because he felt annoyed.

“Am I neglecting Bangtan or you?” He dressed a plain one before checking himself in the mirror and completely ignoring the maknae who kept staring at him dumbly. He was ready to leave when he felt something gripping on his wrist and felt his face heating with rage. “Let go of me” He had no chance against MuscleKook so he tried to intimidate him with his angry eyes only to feel the grip tightening.

He knew he was acting spoiled, he had no right to tell him what to feel.

“Hyung...” His fingers let go of his wrist only to grab his much small hand.

“Hyung will talk to you when he gets back.” He promised, his tone gentle. “Please, Kookie.”

“I like you.” The words buzzed in thin air and Jimin blinked at them, wondering if it was a sort of cruel joke. He felt like everything became blurry and everything only got worse when his eyes rose and found Jungkook crying. Tears were silently dripping down his cheeks and for the first time in forever the pink haired man saw a lost 15 years old who was so afraid of opening his mouth. He was so scared of what he was feeling that his body began to tremble, his free hand hurriedly wiping the salty teardrops off his face. “I like you.”

The first words that came in Jimin’s mind were ugly ones - that he couldn’t do this now, when he was finally getting better, that his feelings were not true, that he was tired; everything crumbled in front of the picture he had before him. He couldn’t think of a good enough answer so he simply got closer and wrapped the taller boy in his arms, feeling his head willingly resting on his shoulder. He was at loss for words and if he thought many times of how this might happen, he had no idea how to react.

“I like you” Jungkook repeated, this time muffled and Jimin smiled subtly, hand running through brown strands.

“I’m happy, Kookie.”

“Nothing will change, right? I can’t –“ He gulped and felt soft lips brushing his temple.

“Of course not, baby, nothing will change if you don’t want to.”

 

 

Chapter Text

Explaining why he couldn’t go out anymore wasn’t easy because everything was so sudden and he couldn’t reveal Jungkook’s feelings to anyone either. Choi has been a sweetheart and understood Jimin wouldn’t back down for something minor but that didn’t mean he was happy about it because he took quite a liking to the idol. He was surprised when he first met him but there was no joke – Jimin really was the sweetest guy, never disrespecting the people that were working for BTS and always doing his best to help everyone.

After the confession he was left with a crying Jungkook so he spent the next few minutes soothing him with kind words and holding him tightly, never forgetting just how fragile he really was. As much as he despised not talking in person about issues, he messaged Choi to tell him he couldn’t make it because he couldn’t let the maknae alone when he was so shook by everything. He was glad the others were practicing because he couldn’t face any of them now and at the same time he had no idea how to manage the situation by himself because it has been a long time since he last saw Jungkook like this. The boy was sensible but he had a really hard time showing his emotions and whenever he cried like this it was a shock for everyone that was around. They were laying on the single bed now, Jungkook’s head buried in his hyung’s neck while he was held tightly and a loving voice was whispering to him. His big arms were holding tightly on a smaller body, feeling the spine that was now so outstanding.

“Did you rest well last night?” Jimin asked and smiled when the boy shook his head. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a night of full sleep and it was obvious because his eyelids were dropping. He tended to end up exhausted after a good cry so Jimin kissed his head, knowing he will soon fall asleep and after it really happened he did his best to remain relaxed even if hundreds of thoughts were roaming through his mind.

What drove the older boy crazy was the fact that he had no idea how to react. He said nothing would change but if Jungkook really wanted that why did he suddenly confess? It was probably because of the jealousy but that made Jimin wonder if he meant it or if he was acting like a spoiled child. The next few days the maknae didn’t let go of him for a second, orbiting around him and reminding him why he was sometimes called Satellite Jeon. The boys seemed happy to see everything was alright once again, Tae being the only one warning his friend from time to time not to forget what the younger boy did to him.

It was one of their free days and they decided to meet up in Jimin and V’s room so they could make a live but no one beside Jungkook came so they were left by themselves and decided they won’t make it after all.

“Do you want to watch TV?” The pink haired man asked and the other nodded, because he didn’t feel like doing anything else. They were both on the bed, leaning against each other and watching some movie dubbed in English from which they could pick up only few words.

“I want to be better at English” The brown-haired boy said bluntly. “I’ll ask Namjoon-hyung to help me.” Rapmon was barely a teacher but he was the only one fluent so he could at least try. Jimin hummed and let his hand ran through his hair, relaxed until he heard a phone buzzing next to them. He didn’t mean to intrude but his eyes roamed towards the screen only to find a message from Sana. He didn’t want to look absurd, after all, nothing really happened between them but he found it unfair that the boy still messaged that girl after he stopped seeing Choi. Jungkook saw the look on his hyung’s face and completely ignored the message because he wasn’t even curious about it. A few minutes passed.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?”

“No” No hesitation.

“Why not?”

“Jiminie...” His voice was low; he knew exactly what that expression meant and there was no need for it so as soon as the fingers disappeared from his hair, he wrapped an arm around the other’s middle, making sure he remained as close. He turned to see worry clouding beautiful brown eyes. “I don’t like her.”

“Are you sure?” It was not an accusation, his insecurities getting the best of him.

“Yes!” He still didn’t look like he believed it. “I like you!” He almost shouted and the older boy turned to look him in the eyes. He felt his cheeks heating at the confession, happy to see this time there were no tears involved. His eyes could only focus on one thing – on the pair of lips that was still parted after the words escaped them. They looked soft and his tongue instinctively ran over his own bottom lip at the sight. The desire was obvious so all Jungkook had to do was to lean so their mouths met, decided that this time he will make it last longer than before.

Jimin’s lips were as he expected – extremely soft and kissable, moving gently against his. Small fingers grabbed at his shirt and he felt dizzy when something warm began to beg for entrance in his mouth and he did as asked, wondering if he could faint from so much excitement. It wasn’t crazily passionate but it was hungry because it was the result of years of restraining and he felt warm everywhere because he sure never felt anything like this before. He let Jimin guide him, even if he was a bit jealous at the idea of him knowing so much about kissing when he was a newcomer and when they parted he felt the need to growl dissatisfied. They were both breathing hard and as soon as they saw their expressions they both chuckled loudly, feeling the tension being relieved.

The pink-haired boy grabbed his hands.

“I like you too, Kookie. I’ve liked you for a very long time” He leaned so their foreheads would meet and the younger felt his ears and neck getting redder and redder. It made him so happy to hear that, he felt warmth spreading through his abdomen. He wondered if he would ever get enough of this.

Jungkook couldn’t stand himself anymore so he wrapped his arms around his hyung and buried his face in his shoulder, trying to calm his restless heartbeat. Jimin grinned at the childish behaviour and kissed his head before he could hear some confusing sounds.

“I want to it again” The maknae got up, realising his voice was muffled by the shirt he was pressed against. Jimin chuckled and the other felt his heart skipping a beat at how beautiful he was.

“You want what?” He was obviously teasing but he couldn’t help himself.

“To kiss you” Jungkook could understand now why all the fangirls were going crazy whenever he was acting cocky because damn, he was dangerously attractive. He suddenly felt a warm breathing falling on his lips and widened his eyes at the closeness.

“Go ahead” It was barely a whisper but it was all it took for them to taste each other again.

Chapter Text

He knocked on the door and checked to see if his suit was alright until the door opened and his mouth almost dropped opened at the sight of his... boyfriend? They never really established that but Jimin was looking drop-dead gorgeous, his blonde hair that he was still shy about looking perfect and matching the light-coloured outfit the stylist chose it for him, which embraced gracefully every muscle of his body. Eye shadow on point and blue contacts that made him look dazzling and that made Jungkook lose his breath.

“I’m not done yet” He said and motioned for him to go ahead in the empty room where he saw he was struggling to find the proper jewellery. Most boys let the stylists choose those too but Jimin was particular about his and he owned a lot earrings, rings and bracelets. The hunger made him irritable and sometimes he could be rude without meaning it so after he put the last silver rings on his fingers he took a big breath and turned around to look at his beautiful Kookie. “You look amazing”

“Thanks” He answered and got a bit closer when the other sat down beside him. “You’re beautiful, Jiminie” He knew what he wanted and he decided to obtain it now, smashing their lips together hungrily and grasping on the sleeves of the other, making sure he wasn’t going anywhere. He tasted of strawberries - it was his favourite lip balm so he parted with a smile, knowing he was going to be scolded for ruining it.

“Kookie!” It was a half-groan but he was obviously not annoyed because the scowl was soon covered by a grin.

“I’ll help you put it back on” He got up and went to the boudoir where he picked the familiar balm, going back with a huge smile. “Open your mouth” He then applied the thin substance with great care, loving the expression on his face. “Hyung – your lips are so pretty” He wasn’t kidding, they were the first thing he focused on when they met, back in the days. He found himself staring at them often in the past years but now they were bringing him even more satisfaction because he knew they belonged to him entirely.

“Thank you” He pouted and he was tempted to destroy them again but the door opened and inside came Jin who looked a bit unsure of what it was going on. It wasn’t like it was the first time he saw the maknae line in awkward situations – he remembered the time he went to ask them to come down for dinner and found Jungkook and Jimin tugging on Tae’s underwear who were stuck around his head and left arm.  He could say nothing surprised him anymore but as Namjoon said, the two of them were acting rather curious lately, being on and off in a way that wasn’t familiar. Finding them so close and on top of that, jumping and avoiding meeting his eyes as he spoke, telling them the car was going to be there shortly.

Once he was out the room, Jungkook turned around and saw just how flushed Jimin’s cheeks were.

“We should be more careful” The latter whispered and the brown-haired boy wrinkled his nose.

“Or we could tell them”

“That’s not easy, Kookie...” He sounded melancholic almost and something about it irritated the maknae.

“But they would understand, I’m sure of that! I did, Tae did, why wouldn’t the others...”

“That’s not the same – it would make it official and that would bring a lot of attention towards us and I don’t think that’s what right for the band now...”

“I think it’s unfair.” Jimin sighed, knowing the other couldn’t understand what he was feeling. They dropped the subject but they also left tensed and that could be observed by the other members because it was as if they were avoiding each other.

Fighting Jungkook was something he hated doing and he’s been acting rude lately, his moods swinging like crazy because of the schedule and because of the constant hunger so he decided it was time to be the one trying to make up first. So after the social event, when they were all sitting in the living room, sharing opinions he realised it was time to man up and take a step forward. He knew Jungkook was right and he also knew it was because he was scared that he kept avoiding the subject but the guys really deserved to know so he took a big breath and jokingly said he had an announce to make.

Six pairs of eyes were watching him and he suddenly wanted the earth to swallow him.

“I uh-“ Yoongi frowned and he gulped, knowing he was already tired of this. “I thought it would be fair if I –“ He gulped again and realised his eyes got teary because it was a make or break for him – they were either going to take it very well or hate him, no in between.

“Jiminie, what happened?” His fingers began to rub his eyes so he would chase the unshed tears away but they wouldn’t stop appearing after he heard Namjoon’s voice.

“The  truth is – there’s something wrong with me, you see.” He smiled, even if he felt sick. “I’ve always been like this but never had the courage to admit it. “ They were all worried, no exception so he had to inhale and continue. “I’m – I like boys. I know it sounds crazy but...” He began to blabber mindlessly, hoping that would cover the words just spoken.

“Jiminie –“ Jin’s voice came warm and soothing and soon arms were wrapped around him, pulling him towards a safe place. “There’s nothing wrong with you” He continued now that the boy was full-on sobbing and soon the others joined, turning the contact in a group hug.

“We’re happy you told us.” Namjoon said with a gentle smile.

“Jimin and I...” Jungkook’s voice interrupted and they all turned towards him only to find him almost boiling, his face, ears and neck completely red. It wasn’t hard to understand what he was meaning to say and their expressions were priceless.

“Oh my God!” J-hope exclaimed and Suga got up, announcing everyone he was going to sleep.

The other congratulated him and after they made sure they were both alright they let them return to their bedrooms. The truth was, there were a lot of questions to be asked and they still had no idea how serious it was or if they should tell their manager about it but for now they realised the two of them were tired and in need for rest so they let it go.

Namjoon and Jin were dealing with a bit of cleaning when the older man stopped in tracks and turned towards the other.

“I think they’re going to be alright” By the tone he used, Rapmon understood right away who he was referring to.

“I think so too; they’re good together”

 

Chapter Text

Why was she here? No – the real question was why were her arms wrapped so tightly around him in the middle of a crowd and why was she looking up at him with all the hope in the world? He was taken aback and the first thing he did before offering a fake smile was to search for Jimin who passed by them with a stern expression, following Taehyung. He knew he screwed up real bad; he had the audacity to act jealous whenever the other was friendly with his hyungs while he was forcing a hug with a girl that was probably hoping for a relationship or such things.

“It’s so nice to finally see you” Sana said and he wondered how could she display affection so carelessly in a public place? They were filming a TV show and if they were filmed and the video was leaked on the internet, there were going to face consequences.

“Sana...”

“We should meet after this ends” Jungkook’s browns roamed across the room and saw that Tae was looking like he was ready to beat someone up and Jimin was staring at the screen of his phone, his face expressionless. He knew he was hurt and trying his best to cover up his feelings and soon enough Namjoon threw him a dirty glance.

He was too shocked to reply to the invitation but he managed to unglue the girl and keep the distance from her, even if she insisted on staying beside him during the whole day. During lunch he wanted to talk to Jimin but the elder did his best to avoid him and whenever he was alone he was cornered by Sana. By the end of the day he felt like he was going to explode so when she came to suggest him a nice place where they could have dinner just the two of them, he couldn’t stop himself.

“I’d love to have dinner with my hyungs only” He snapped and her eyes widened.

“But...” They were all waiting for him, staring at the scene so he ran his fingers through his hair annoyed and saw his boyfriend was surprised by his reaction. He didn’t want to be mean but she couldn’t pick up the clues and figure out he wasn’t feeling the same towards him and that was troubling.

“I am sorry but I like someone else so I would appreciate if we’d keep the distance for a while.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted the bitter tone because Sana was looking like she was on the verge of crying and she immediately faked a smile, blinking repeatedly. “I’m sorry” It was futile.

“It’s okay, I’ll see you around” Her voice was heavy with the tears she was holding back and her feet made their way through the crowd,  searching for a safe place. He knew he was viewed as an asshole for the outburst but the people judging couldn’t understand just how hard he tried to make her understand what they felt was different so he simply thanked along with the other members for the treatment and entered the car.

They were feeling uneasy, unsure how to console the couple who wouldn’t even look at each other so they stood silent all the way home, some of them falling asleep during the ride. The dorms was all that Jungkook wanted and as soon as they arrived, he asked Tae to change beds so he could talk things through with Jimin.

“He has all the right to be mad” The older said and he sighed, because he was right. “You better make it up for today” He wanted to do that and as soon as he entered the familiar room he was disappointed to hear the shower. He fell on the bed and wondered if he still had the power to take a shower – he probably should but all his heart longed for was a long cuddle session.

When the blond got out of the bathroom he was surprised to find the maknae resting on his bed but he continued to dry his hair with a towel, happy he put his pajamas on already.

“Did Tae let you borrow his bed tonight?”

“Yes – I wanted to apologise”

“You should have told her in private all that – you made a fool of the poor girl.” He gulped; how could this boy always think about the others, even when it came to the girl he was jealous of.

“I don’t like fighting” Jungkook muttered and Jimin came closer, sitting on his lap. Drops of water were still falling on his shirt and the brown-haired boy flinched when he rested his forehead on his because of the cold sensation.

“We didn’t fight.”

“I know but –“

“There was no fight, baby” He smiled. “I was hurt because you kept talking to her. It is not that I don’t trust you, I know nothing was going on but it’s not pleasant either.”

“I’m sorry” Jimin smiled genuinely.

“You’re forgiven.” Their lips pressed together and as soon as they parted the older grinned. “I heard you like someone.”

“Is that so? It could only be gossip, you know?” Tease! The blond rolled his eyes amused but answered to the kiss that was pressed against his mouth, turning it into a rather heated one. They fell back on the bed and soon the hyung was cuddled against Jungkook’s chest, his face buried into his shoulder.

“I don’t like other people hugging you so familiarly.” He groaned and the maknae chuckled at the adorable jealousy. He kissed the top of his head.

“I only want your hugs”

“Good” Jimin mumbled and got up so he could kiss his cheek. “Cause you only get these” They turned so they were both curled and facing each other and Jungkook’s fingers began to trace the boy’s beautiful features in a gentle dance that made him smile.

“You’re so beautiful, hyung”

“Shh – you’re hallucinating. It could be because of the tiredness” The younger burst into laughter but leaned closer to rub his nose against the one in front of him.

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s what  I think about 24/7” Jimin’s cheeks heated at the loving words and he closed his eyes so he could calm down his galloping heart. He thought he was going to faint when he felt warm breath falling over his face. “I love you, Jiminie” His voice was small but the words were filled with care and they made the blond shiver.

“I love you too, Kookie” He replied right away and opened his eyes, realising amused that they were smiling like two children who were feeling like they were on top of the world.  

Chapter Text

He knew he shouldn’t do that – everyone advised him not to ever since the last time when he had a break down because of it. He knew the Internet was a big place and even if ARMY was amazing and he wanted to get in touch as much as possible, he knew there were people out there who were hiding behind keyboards and who spit endless insults towards all of them. His lack of confidence was what made every other member to want to protect him but sometimes he was curious and that was the case now.

He was waiting for Jungkook as they were supposed to sleep in the same room tonight, when he decided he should Google himself.

Park Jimin is – beautiful, changing his hair colour again, going solo, fat. He knew it was not normal for him to only take the last part in consideration but that was only how his brain worked, he could only see the bad in himself. Ever since he and Kookie started dating there has been only one condition the maknae had – he was supposed to begin eating again and now they were at the point where Jungkook made sure he ate 3 meals a day. He told everyone about his starvation so they all insisted they wanted a healthy and happy Jimin and they promised him that ARMY didn’t want his abs if that was the price to pay.

He tapped on an article that was focusing on his body fat and by the end of it he felt mortified and guilty because he had an entire bowl of rice for dinner. They were all working a lot but that was not enough for him to stop gaining weight because his metabolism wasn’t helping. By the time the door opened, his mood already dropped and Jungkook didn’t fail to observe how down his boyfriend was feeling. He sat on the bed next to him and furrowed his brows when he saw how fast he put away his phone.

“What happened?”

“Nothing” Jimin whispered and shifted so now he was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. The room filled with silence and after a few minutes he opened his mouth. “Do you think I’m getting fat?”

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he turned towards the other, making sure they had visual contact.

“Of course not – what’s this about?”

“I read an article...”

“Hyung –“ He sighed, pained that the blond would ever think something like that. “You shouldn’t do this to yourself, those people don’t know you at all.” His arm wrapped around the smaller body next to him and cuddled closer so now his face was buried in the fruity-smelling neck. “They have no idea how you really are” Jimin pulled away for a bit so they could stare at each other.

“And how am I?” Jungkook smiled, his fingers searching for little ones so they could intertwine.

“Absolutely beautiful” Cheeks heated at the soft spoken words and lips met gently, sliding against each other soothingly. This boy could make him forget everything, it has always been like this, his opinion was the most important for him and if he was thinking he was beautiful then he needed no other confirmation. Velvety lips moved from the mouth to the chin and then attacked the exposed skin of the other’s neck, eliciting delicious whimpers that were for his ears only. Jungkook has always been the more physical one, it was probably the fact that he was younger and more eager to learn about these things that his hyung ever was but the truth was – he could make the other tremble almost effortless. Lips parted and a warm tongue began to caress the milky skin, where it has been sucked before greedily, offering comfort.

“No hickeys” Jimin finally whimpered and Jungkook switched to kisses once again, knowing it would have been uncomfortable if they had to ask the make-up artist to cover those up. Soon a knee rubbed against a strained crotch and the older threw his head back, a loud moan trembling through the air.

“You’re so sexy” Jungkook grinned and began ravishing those plush, tantalizing lips he could barely stay away from. It was always the same, he couldn’t get enough of him, no matter how much their tongues danced together, no matter how long their bodies were pressed together, he still wanted more and more and more. He was now almost on top of the older, the latter’s body gently rubbing against the offered knee, heavy breaths replacing love confessions.

They had brief sexual activities until then – it was normal as it has been a while but they never went all the way, settling with dry humping and lazy handjobs that satisfied them after a long day of work.

“Jiminie” He mumbled, watching the flushed face of his lover. “Let me love you” How could he refuse such an offer when he’s been dreaming about it for years and years? The blond nodded, exhaling loudly and feeling his face burning under the intense stare.

“Okay” The word was spoken so softly that it could barely be heard. They began kissing once again, this time tugging on each other’s shirts greedily, wanting to feel warmth. Soon they were left only with pants, their fingers wandering, tracing the outlines of each other’s bodies. Jimin was shyer when it came to touching so when Jungkook’s fingers traced his chest he shuddered at the sensation, a shiver making his skin crawl.

“So sensitive” The maknae smiled and leaned so he could close his mouth on the pink flesh, making the other wiggle under his body weight, lovely moans liberated from between his lips. A hand was cradling the growing erection while his lips were doing their thing and Jimin had to push the boy away, afraid he would end things too soon. “Should I...”All the bravery faded in front of the next step. They had to get rid of their pants and even if they’d seen each other in boxers only before, it was quite scary.

“You first” Jimin said, feeling like a child. “Please”

“O-okay” Swift movements left only black boxers in front of him and he couldn’t stop staring at the growing tent between his boyfriend’s legs. “You now” Hesitation. “You don’t want to –“ He was assuming the worst, that he was not attractive enough or that Jimin was not ready and he pushed him into going so far.

“I do but –“ The older gulped, gaining the other’s full attention. “What if it –“ It was really hard for him to voice his concerns but he had to be honest now. “What if you realise you can’t when you see...” He had all the reasons to be worried, after all, Jungkook never said he was gay, he simply loved Jimin.

“Baby, I wouldn’t have an erection right now if that was the case” The brown-haired boy cooed and went closer to initiate a slow and loving kiss. “I love all of you” Fingers hooked inside his pants and boxers and soon he was left naked in front of hungry eyes. Gentle touches danced across his pale skin – from his tummy towards his inner thighs, making him tremble with need and want.

“Kookie” Jimin whined, his voice pitched and the other chuckled at the adorableness. “Please” He wanted to be touched, he had no idea what was going to follow but so far his mind was clouded by the burning in the pit of his stomach. He would have been an hypocrite to say he’d never imagined Jungkook pleasing him like this but dreams colliding with reality was something else and he found himself writhing in pleasure, doing his best to mirror the action and making the other feel just as good.

They never discussed dynamics, they never thought of positions in bed as a hierarchy, as something to be taken in consideration between two people who loved each other and the reason why Jimin decided he wanted to bottom was because he wanted to be held tightly and feel every part of the one he loved. It wasn’t like in movies – not that they expected it to be like that. It was a lot more awkward, a lot of nervous laughter was involved and just as many kisses that were supposed to make up for the uncomfortable trials. In the end they were satisfied, not because it has been a earth-shattering sexual experience but because they went through it with the one they cared for and now they were cuddled against each other, Jimin’s face buried in the maknae’s chest.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, his hand drawing small circles on the lower back that was exposed.

“I am” Swollen lips caressed equally bitten ones and the younger one chuckled.

“What was that for?”

“I’m happy, Kookie~ So happy with you” He whispered and was rewarded with a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I love you”

“Who doesn’t? That’s why they call me the golden –“ A playful slap interrupted his speech and he burst into laughter, turning to the smaller boy. “I love you too.”

In movies and books, people were simply falling asleep after making love but in real life they needed showers so they took turns into using the bathroom, deciding that was another step they had to take in the near future. The hurricane that followed them a few months ago transformed now in a warm summer breeze and they couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy before. Jimin was the first to shower and when the brown-haired boy followed inside the bathroom he went straight to the bed, his legs wobbly because of the previous activities, resting being the only thing on his mind. Resting and snuggling. He was ready to crush on his fluffy pillow when he saw there was a small black box on it and he grabbed it, curious what it might contain. It was light and when he took the lid off he saw inside a small red paper heart and a simple round earring at which he looked closer to see a small “JK” engraved on it. He hurried to the mirror, almost tripping on the way and put it on, smiling at the sight of it because it was so subtle and it was forever going to hold the memory of that night. He laid in bed and touched it with his fingers, feeling the cold silver and smiling at nothing in particular.

He was daydreaming when he felt the mattress moving and he turned to see Jungkook grinning at him.

“What are you smiling at?”

“What’s this?” He pointed towards the ring and the maknae grabbed his hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it.

“I have one too, mine has JM written on it” Jimin raised so he could kiss his lips, bursting into a chuckle while doing so. “It’s a promise”

“And it came with a paper heart” He knew how much that song meant for him. “You’re such a dork, Kookie!” Short limbs wrapped around strong shoulders and soon they were cuddling, their breaths synchronising with each other in the thin air. This had to be heaven.