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Tommy shook his head to dislodge the painful thoughts careening around his brain. It had been 6 months but still. It was too much for him to handle. Thinking about Adam always drew him to his liquor cabinet, which seemed like a good idea at the time but always ended with his head in the toilet come morning. What was worse was the way that everything he had been running from would hit him with the force of a freight train. They had promised each other so much. They had promised days filled with light. They had promised nights filled with passion. They had promised forever. And still it wasn't enough. It didn't matter anymore. Adam was gone and with him, he took every single one of Tommy’s foolish dreams of tomorrow. Tommy reached for the half-full bottle of Jack sitting precariously on the table edge. Hand trembling, he rose the bottle to his lips and took a swig. He would feel better soon. Yes he would. When the alcohol chased everything away. All the shadows that seemed to cloud Tommy’s mind nowadays. But the alcohol didn't quite manage to stop the tears from trickling down from his red-rimmed eyes. His friends had tried at first to get him to go out and start something new, but although his home held so many painful memories, he couldn't bring himself to leave. Eventually, one by one, they stopped trying and moved on with their lives. But Tommy couldn't understand how they all moved on from Adam. His Adam. Who had dared to dream big and against all odds, had made his dreams come true. Tommy was just along for the ride.

During the worst nights, Tommy would sit on the sofa and look around the cozy home, remembering everything he had lost. The well-worn rug Adam had brought home one day, struggling up the stairs with it where he and Adam had snuggled on lazy days in a beautiful silence. The silence was deafening now. The burgundy sofa where Adam had asked Tommy to be his boyfriend, the kitchen counter where Tommy had sat watching Adam as he worked on his latest attempt at dinner and the door that Tommy would anxiously stare at when waiting for Adam to return home. And Adam always returned home, breezing through the door happily and scooping Tommy up in his arms to press a gentle kiss to his starved lips. He would smile happily at Tommy as if he had hung the moon and tell him how much he loved him. But that day, Adam didn't come home. Tommy had tried not to worry too much when Adam was late, maybe he was being help up by the suits who always seemed to ask too much of him. Maybe he stumbled across an old friend and had stopped for a chat. He had pulled out his phone to text Adam and as minutes turned into hours, Tommy kept vigil on the couch watching the door intently as if Adam would come through it if only he stared hard enough.

Adam didn't come back though. No matter how much Tommy screamed at the universe for taking Adam from him, no matter how much Tommy cried, no matter how many times he pleaded, Adam would never walk back through the door.