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Seelenlandschaft

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It is a cloudy day, when they make it to the seaside.

Maurice wished that he could have come earlier; they planed and re-planed for weeks. For other people, it might be only a question of logistics: time-table, money, nutrition, transport etc. For them, all is different. Because they are different.

They had to listen to the weather forecast care carefully; whenever the weather promised to be simply perfect for a day at the seaside, they instantly knew that this day would not been theirs. They had to listen to their neighbours and their co-workers; all people who might or might not recognize them, to avoid any potential meeting. They knew that they could not speak about their plans in public.

In the beginning, Maurice’s lover had had the idea of going at night, or at least, in twilight. “At dawn, before the rest of the world, would that not be exciting”, he had gushed. His eyes were full of mischief and hope, reckless; he had not changed much. And Maurice loved him even more for it. Still, he knew that he had to be the sensible one.

Some things had changed over the years; running away from all you know and starting anew, will do that. Even more, when it is the love that dare not speak its name. And love it is, was and hopefully will be.

Love changed Maurice.

He feels free these days, ironic as it may sound. He is no fool – he knows what fate would await both of them if they would found out – but it is still true: Maurice feels free, at last. Because there is an immanent freedom in being yourself. These days, he can look at himself in a mirror, and when his lover is smiling behind him (or doing even more...), Maurice can see an older self smile back.

On such an occasion, his lover had came up with the idea. It was a spur of a moment; his lover is still so much more at ease, full of energy, full of unabashed joy. He had simply said: “Lets go to the sea.” The – its been a while – went unspoken.

They have a special fondness for the open water. Maybe it is because they are English, maybe it is because they truly met at the bath house. Who knows? Maurice had stopped introspection when they left society. He might be the sensible sort of the two; but people change when they change.

And maybe this is the reason why they both want to go to the seaside: to witness the tide turning. No wave is like the next. This is the fix point in the never ending change.

“Hurry up!”

His lover like so many times before, countless times and still unforgotten, rushes him along. Maurice should remind him, or he could run towards him, and maybe even surprise them both with taking his hand.

After all, Maurice has changed.