"I said 'don't get cross'," the Doctor said, scuttling backwards behind the console and, he hoped, out of reach of a potential slap. "I did say."
"In what way," Donna said, very slowly, "are we, you and me, married? Because I think I'd remember."
"First time we met. You in a white dress. Biodamp ring. Remember? Except - oh, you'll laugh at this - probably - possibly - I sort of made a tiny mistake with the type of biodamper and we're actually legally married in nine-tenths of this part of the galaxy." Donna was quiet, in much the same way that the eye of the hurricane was quiet just before the other side of the storm hit. "Not on Earth, though," he added. "Well, only on Earth between the years 2250 and 5 billion and you look magnificent when you're angry, have I said?"
"Well, I must look bloody gorgeous at the moment," she snapped. "And why've you suddenly come out with this 'married' nonsense?"
Ah. All things considered she was taking this quite well, but he didn't think she'd like this bit. "It sort of didn't legally count until... consummation."
Donna blinked. "Oh," she said. "In that case we're all right, aren't we? Because we haven't..."
"We did," he said. "Yesterday. When you kissed me to save me from the poison. Um. Thank you, by the way."
"On what planet does one kiss count as consummating a marriage? Planet Disney? Cinderella World?"
He could have explained the particular article and subclause of the Shadow Proclamation that covered these things, but sensed that it would only lead to him spending his first day of married life recovering from a regeneration. "Anyway," he said hopefully, "now that that's out of the way, where to next?"
Donna folded her arms. "So long as we're clear that you and me aren't married."
"Except in the technical, legal sense, absolutely not."
"And one snog, which was only to save your life and which I didn't enjoy at all, doesn't count as consummation."
"And wherever we're going now, it's definitely not a honeymoon."
"The thought never crossed my mind."
He tried a tentative smile. His wife glared back. "But I suppose," she said, "if you really wanted to take us somewhere with a posh hotel and room service and a beach, just to make it up to me, that'd be all right."