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Never Noticed

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I never noticed what everyone else seemed to notice. When I woke up everyone was dressed in black and ready to leave, while I on the other hand didn't see the point, no one was dead. I wanted to wear a simple colorful sun dress, nothing fancy, but nothing in black either. Buffy wouldn't let me, she forced me into a modest black dress, that was ultra conservative even for me. I tried to dab a bit of dark red lipstick on my lips, but she took the container from me with sad eyes, and handed me a light pink lip gloss instead.

When we reached the spot were the burial was to take place, everyone except me cried. I was the only one that didn't seem to understand what everyone was so upset about. The flower arrangements were stunningly beautiful, the coffin was a pearly white with polished silver edges and the grave was shaded by a large oak tree. The sun was shining bright overhead, the birds were singing a soft and wonderful tune from the branches above. Yet everyone was so increadibly sad - everyone but me and I didn't see a reason why.

As they lowered the coffin into the grave, I just stared. I didn't move, I didn't cry. I just stood there, with the sun beating down on my back, and the sobs of my friends surrounding me. When the funeral ended, the memoirs completed, everyone came up to me and engulfed me in hugs, some offering kind words while others looked at me with pity in there eyes.

"Do you want me to take you home Will's?" Xander asked me quietly, as he placed a hand on my shoulder sympathetically. I lifted curious eyes to meet his sorrow filled ones, and just shook my head in response. He took me into one last hug, said his goodbye's and left.

I stayed long after the workers had covered up the hole, I stared at the same spot the entire time not once understanding what all the commotion of the day was about. I walked up to the tomb stone and gingerly sat in front of it , atop the fresh damp dirt. I reached my hand out to trace the letters so intrically engraved into the white marble.

Tara Maclay
December, 25th 2003
She cast her spell on the world.

"Hey baby," I heard her say as I felt small arms encircle my waist, I smiled and leaned my head against the soft shoulder, taking one of the hands silently into mine. I turned my head to look at my girl. My amazon princess. Still as beautiful as ever. "You ok?" she asked me gently.

"Yeah." I replied, 'why wouldn't I be ok?'  I think to myself as I look up at the stars that sparkled in the darkness that now blanketed Sunnydale. I wondered how such a beautiful darkness could hold such ugly and distressing secrets.

"You need to head home, it's not safe at night." Tara warned while placing soft kisses along my neck. I bask in the feeling of her lips on my skin.

"I know" I whispered back, holding her tighter to me for a few more selfish seconds before letting her pull away and get up. I followed suit standing next to her as she gazed down upon her own tomb stone. I took her hand and squeezed it hard. She turned to look at me, placing a cool hand on my face as a single tear started falling down her cheek.

"I need to go." She said quietly, and I just continued to stare into space. Focusing on nothing but the cold droplets of rain that began to splatter on and around me.

"I'll see you later" I stated, it wasn't a question but a promise, as I turned and gave her a small kiss and a sweet smile. Then she was gone. I walked away from the grave site, and still I never shed a single tear. Why would I? my girl hasn't left me. She would never leave me.

I never noticed that she was all in my mind.

But I'm better off living a lie.


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