I'm currently writing this from the rooftops of a village in Dai Shimaron. What's the name of the village? It's not important, who cares? Just call it Lamesville. Whatever. The important thing is I'm hiding on a roof and writing this, because I am a ninja.
"Why, Conrad, why?" I hear you asking as you're reading this. "Why on God's earth are you a ninja?"
Well, it's a funny story.
You see, It all started when I was born. Then it middled around the middle of my life, and now I'm here, in my current state. I am the Blue Wind, a ninja vigilante. Ninjilante? It's not important.
So anyway, this current thing started when we received a letter by some blonde-headed fruitcake named Saralegui. Now, you should see this kid. I swear to God, he wears a pink skirt. It's totally nuts. I mean, I've known my share of pink-skirted men, but come on.
Anyway, he sends a letter to my boss and he's all, "I want to negotiate peace, blah blah to the blah! But I don't want you to negotiate peace with me I want someone who is awesome!" Clearly he was talking about me, because I am Conrad. I am awesome.
So I'm standing outside in the rain, and it's really dramatic. And wet. But this is a good lesson: When you want to be very dramatic, stand somewhere where it's raining! More on this later.
After that I go to Small Shimaron to chill with Saralegui, and would you believe it? He just locks me in my room and leaves. Rude! So I'm locked in my room and all like, are you gonna take this, Conrad? Are you gonna take it? Hell to the no! Nobody tells Conrad where to be locked up!
So then I break down the door and kill everyone who gets in my way (obviously). I mount up on my horse, Dandelion, and then ride all the way to Dai Shimaron, dress up in this blue ninja outfit, and now I do ninja things with my ninja bros being all vigilante, fighting the crime of the state.
Does it make sense now? I think so.
But you know, I've been thinking. I am so awesome and I have so much awesome advice to give people. Why not share it with the world? Everyone could stand to learn a bit from ol' Conrad.
But I'm not old, so don't even call me that.