Kiem woke up more comfortably than he had in months. It took him a moment to notice the weirdness of it, too caught up in how his back didn't ache and how heavy and soft his limbs felt, like he'd turned into a cloud. Beds were a wonderful invention.
Then he remembered he was in bed. In his own bed. With -
He opened his eyes.
Jainan was there. Kiem had immediately assumed he'd be gone, showering or doing his staff practice or reading something clever or - but no, he was there, still in bed with Kiem, even though the light creeping across the floor said it was getting on for noon. He was sitting up against the pillows, looking at Kiem. His hair was loose over his shoulders. He had a strange absent expression. Even when he was right there, he seemed very far away.
“Hi,” Kiem croaked.
Jainan frowned. “You need water,” he said.
Kiem’s mouth tasted like death - stim hangover was pretty horrible - but he felt panicky at the thought of Jainan getting up and going away. He tried to explain this but it came out as a vague groan. Jainan blinked at him. He reached over the side of the bed and produced a glass of water from the bedside table. “Here,” he said.
Kiem had married a wizard.
He chugged the whole glass of water, took a deep breath, pushed his hair back out of his eyes and turned to Jainan. “Hi,” he said in something slightly more like a human person’s voice. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes,” Jainan said.
“Sorry if I, er-” Kiem knew himself and he knew the chances of him not having wrapped himself around Jainan like some kind of personal space encroaching octopus were slim to none. “I'm a handsy sleeper, just shove me off, sorry, should have said.”
Jainan smiled at him.
Jainan smiled and that was it, Kiem was gone. He leaned up and kissed that smile before he even knew he'd decided to do it. Jainan was unbelievably beautiful and in his bed and smiling at him, and Kiem's better instincts never had a chance.
He did manage to pull himself back before he went for it with tongue. “I'm also handsy when awake,” he said with his best shamefaced grin. “Good morning, did I say that yet? You look -” he bit his tongue on ‘gorgeous’, too intense - “better. Uh. Not that you looked bad before, expect in a stranded-in-the-mountains way - well, like I looked, minus six stim tabs - anyway, I hope I didn't kick too much, or anything. You've got your hair down. It looks really nice. Please stop me talking.”
Jainan was still smiling. It was more in his eyes than his mouth: his lips were only slightly quirked, but the corners of his eyes crinkled in a way Kiem had rarely seen. “You really do like my hair,” he said.
“I like your everything,” said Kiem, with embarrassing honesty.
Jainan took Kiem's hand and placed it by his ear where the hair fell soft. Kiem gulped. He ran his fingers through it. The texture was a lot finer and smoother than his. “I think this is the first time you've seen it down and clean,” Jainan said, and then he put his hand on the back of Kiem’s neck and pulled him up into a kiss.
Kiem stupidly tried to say something - he wasn't even sure what, why did his mouth never stop - but Jainan just made an mmm noise and kept kissing him, steadying him half upright against his arm and shoulder. He just had to be strong on top of being beautiful and smart and brave, Kiem thought in a kind of giddy disbelief, and then he stopped thinking anything because apparently Jainan wasn't averse to going for it with tongue straightaway. Kiem hung on for dear life, clutching at Jainan's neck through a handful of soft hair, other arm around his solid shoulders. After a moment Jainan laid him down on the pillows and settled on top of him. Kiem spread his legs to make room for him. “Oh, you're hard,” he said stupidly when he felt Jainan settle against him, the stiff line of his dick pressed against Kiem’s hip. It still seemed like something out of one of Kiem’s guilty fantasies. Beautiful, impossible, untouchable Jainan, hard for him - turned on by him - wanting him.
“Of course I want you,” Jainan murmured.
“How much of that did I say out loud?” said Kiem, and then when Jainan just grinned at him, “Gag me. Please.”
“Never,” Jainan said. He dipped his head and nosed at Kiem's throat. Kiem could feel the hot puffs of his breath against skin that was - okay, an erogenous zone, but it had never been that erogenous. Now just the thought that Jainan might set his teeth to the side of Kiem's neck had Kiem thrusting erratically against him. He wasn’t wearing clothes, and the soft fine fabric of Jainan’s loose trousers felt surprisingly good against his dick.
Skin would have been even better. Kiem remembered skin, glorious amounts of skin, when Jainan got into the shower with him. He’d been in no state to appreciate it properly then but now, fuck. He remembered too Jainan steering him firmly towards the bed after they’d washed together, completely ignoring Kiem’s vague grabbing motions in the direction of nightwear, and then snuggling back into the perfect warmth and weight of Jainan’s bare body behind him as Jainan’s arm went over his hip.
“When did you get dressed?” he gasped, which was probably the least sexy thing he could have said, well done Kiem.
But Jainan smiled, as if he didn’t mind Kiem paying creepy amounts of attention to absurd pointless things at the worst possible moments. “I woke up before you,” he said. “I got up for a bit.” He pressed his lips to the corner of Kiem’s mouth. Kiem turned his head to get the kiss. It was such a good kiss he completely forgot what he’d been talking about. “I didn’t - well,” said Jainan when they broke apart. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
“Oh,” said Kiem, stupidly, his head swimming. It took him a moment to put it together: Jainan, awake, dressed, getting back into bed with Kiem so he wouldn’t wake up alone. Jainan. Kiem reached for him, grabbing at his shoulders, arms, the hanks of hair falling around both their faces. “You’re amazing,” he said, with total sincerity, and brought their mouths back together.
Jainan was smiling a little into the kiss at first, and then he got into it and it turned deep and eager. They fell into a rhythm, kissing and moving against each other. Jainan’s hands were smoothing down Kiem’s sides, over and over; Kiem did his best to keep his politely on Jainan’s lower back, but it was impossible when his arse was right there. Jainan didn’t seem to mind being groped. He pulled back, grinned down at Kiem, and moved his hips so their dicks slid against each other, just that one thin layer of fabric between them. Kiem groaned way too loudly. “Sorry - sorry -” he said.
Jainan bit his shoulder. Kiem made a startled sound that immediately turned into another loud moan when Jainan reached down between them and palmed Kiem’s dick.
“I like it,” he said softly. “I like how you sound.”
“Fuck,” said Kiem, which was partly for that and partly for the serious way Jainan was looking at him and mostly for the fact that Jainan had closed his hand around Kiem’s dick and it was warm and firm and exactly the right pressure. “Shit,” he added eloquently as Jainan started to move his hand. They’d done this once in the mountains, and Jainan had been tentative, looking at Kiem for guidance, as if he hadn’t worked out yet that Kiem was going to love anything Jainan did if it was Jainan doing it.
Apparently tentative was only for the first time. Kiem made a lot of embarrassing needy noises and said Jainan’s name several times before he came. Jainan looked a little shy and a little flushed and extremely pleased with himself, which was an incredible look on him.
“Wow,” Kiem managed at last, “wow, that was - okay, what would you like?” Jainan was still hard, he could feel it against his thigh.
“What would you like?” said Kiem. Jainan could barely process the question. His mind was still full of the extraordinary sounds Kiem made when he was enjoying himself - shameless, beautiful, his body utterly honest. And his eyes, his mouth - Jainan could hardly put a thought together. Jainan had done that to him. Kiem had let him. Kiem had liked it.
“Jainan,” Kiem said in a low voice, coming closer. He knelt on the bed facing Jainan, and he put a hand on Jainan’s face when he kissed him. His other hand fell onto Jainan’s thigh, gave a firm squeeze, moved higher and caressed Jainan through his trousers. Jainan ducked his head and automatically clenched his teeth on the sound that wanted to come out of him. “Is this okay?” Kiem said, taking his hand away at once.
“Please,” Jainan said. “I didn’t mean to -”
He hadn’t meant to put Kiem off. But of course Kiem, who was so open and so clear on what he wanted - so clear that beyond the first moment of nervousness before he took the plunge Jainan hadn’t worried for a moment, the whole time he was touching him - of course Kiem expected the same from his bed partners. Jainan was not entirely sure he could do the same. Some habits went very deep. He tried not to think about a voice telling him to be quiet.
Kiem was waiting patiently. Jainan breathed in.
“Please touch me,” he said.
“Fuck,” breathed Kiem, as though Jainan had done something wonderful. “My pleasure.” He threw himself into a renewed kiss with such enthusiasm that Jainan found himself toppling backwards on the bed with Kiem on top of him. He was naked and laughing as he kissed Jainan, kissed his mouth and his chin and the side of his face with cheerful abandon, his hand finding its way to cup Jainan’s cock once more. Jainan closed his eyes and let himself feel it; let himself thrust against the confident pressure of Kiem’s hand. He was leaking. The trousers would be stained.
In that case, really, it only made sense to take them off.
“Yes, naked, wow, yes,” said Kiem helpfully, but he did not actually move from his position on top of Jainan. In fact his hands got in the way trying to help Jainan with the fastenings. Jainan thought at first that the light brushes of Kiem’s hands against his cock as they fumbled together were an accident, but then he looked up and saw the gleam in his eyes.
“Kiem,” he protested, starting to laugh, “Kiem, come on - Kiem -”
It took much longer to remove the trousers than it should have. Jainan had never undressed more gracelessly. His body felt light with laughter and arousal. When the trousers were finally tossed aside Kiem sat back on his haunches and stared at him unabashedly.
“What is it?” Jainan said, after a moment when self-consciousness began to creep in. He had never been looked at like this. Kiem’s eyes were greedy on his face, his chest, flicking down to his stiff cock.
“You’re just so,” Kiem said, “you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe how beautiful you are. It’s outrageous. I really want to suck you.”
Jainan's breath caught. Kiem clearly took it for excitement. His expression brightened: he licked his lips in unconscious anticipation. Jainan's gaze caught on his mouth. Kiem wanted to -
Taam had offered oral sex, and expected to receive it. He had been offended, to begin with, if Jainan refused. But he had not - Jainan wished he was not thinking about this - he had not liked doing it. He had put his mouth on Jainan as if it were a tiresome obligation, and always spat afterwards, working his jaw as if he could still taste something unpleasant. Jainan had eventually convinced him that he did not enjoy receiving that act in any case; that he was happy to suck Taam without reciprocation, that he preferred it that way.
It had been true.
But Kiem - Kiem wanted to. He was faltering now at whatever expression Jainan wore, but his lips still gleamed a little where he'd licked them. Jainan knew from kissing him that those lips were soft, that his tongue was clever.
“Can I?” Kiem said, voice gone soft. “Jainan? If you'd prefer something else…”
“I don't like doing that,” Jainan said abruptly. He was pushing thoughts of Taam as far away as possible, but still at the edges of his mind the memories were there. Taam had liked to push him to his knees, half forcing him - just to put some variety in their sex life, he’d said, rather plaintively. With his head between Taam’s thighs and his jaw starting to ache, Jainan had felt as if the whole world were shrinking claustrophobically to just him and the smell of Taam and his occasional soft grunts above. “I'm sorry. I don't enjoy, ah, giving…”
He was expecting Kiem to move away, to complain. Oral sex was a reasonable thing to expect from one’s partner. Taam had considered it an acceptable substitute on the nights when Jainan had requested that they avoid penetration. Don't give me that look, Jainan. I’m not going to force you, am I? Just blow me and we'll forget about it.
“Okay,” Kiem said, without hesitation. Jainan almost startled. Suddenly he was back in the here and now, and Kiem was right there - beautiful, open, straightforward Kiem, who had clearly noticed Jainan’s tension and who somehow knew not to ask. “You don't like that, we’ll do something else,” said Kiem easily, as if it didn't matter at all. “Or nothing else. We could have breakfast! What do you like? I'll order in, we can get pancakes.”
Looking at Kiem, some things felt easier. “No, Kiem,” Jainan said. “No, I don't want to stop.”
Kiem grinned at him, heart-stoppingly open. “Neither do I,” he confessed. “I really - I really want to make you feel good. So, uh. Handjob?” He paused. “Unless - with oral, do you just not like giving head? Or do you not like it at all? Because I really like doing it, and I would be very happy to be the primary giver of blowjobs in this, uh -”
“Marriage,” Jainan supplied, starting to smile despite himself. Kiem looked so earnest.
“Right! Marriage! So, um…”
Kiem really liked doing it. Kiem wanted to. Kiem - Jainan couldn’t remember, in the entire time he’d known Kiem, ever hearing him lie.
“Yes,” he said. He swallowed. “That’s - that would be all right.”
“Just tell me,” Kiem murmured, suddenly a lot closer, “if you don’t like anything, okay? And I’ll stop.” He took hold of Jainan’s hand, and then kissed him. Jainan had been braced for him to get straight to - well. Straight to it. Kiem seemed to have decided to make out with him first. That was okay. That was… very nice. Jainan got lost in it quickly: all that expanse of Kiem’s bare skin against his, Kiem’s soft mouth, the fingers of his right hand still entwined with Jainan’s left.
Jainan had almost forgotten the end goal in the haze of pleasure which came with Kiem mouthing long slow biting kisses against his throat, and then Kiem began to kiss his way down Jainan's chest. He spent some time licking Jainan's nipples, which didn't have much effect. Jainan was almost grateful for the chance to catch his breath. But then Kiem glanced up at him, those liquid dark eyes, and he took Jainan's nipple gently between his teeth and tugged. Jainan gasped. His back arched. Kiem reached out and took his hand again, just holding it, as he went to work in earnest with his tongue and gentle nips of his teeth. He shifted his thigh between Jainan's legs, giving Jainan something to rub his erection against.
It wasn't enough. Suddenly Jainan could not really remember what had been so difficult about the idea of getting a blowjob: it was hard to think of anything at all, except for Kiem’s fingers twined with his, the satisfied sounds Kiem made at Jainan's reactions, and the urgent pleasure of thrusting against Kiem's thigh. “Kiem,” he said, not sure what he meant by it. His voice came out deeper than usual. He felt Kiem shudder, felt his lips move soundlessly against Jainan's chest. Jainan remembered he had another hand and unsteadily brought it up to rest on Kiem's hair. “Kiem,” he said again, this time almost a whisper.
“Yeah,” said Kiem. He turned his face into Jainan's palm and kissed it. “Fuck. Yes.”
He smiled up at Jainan for an astounding instant, and then he shifted down the bed. His right hand was still holding Jainan's left. He braced the other on Jainan's hip and closed his mouth around the head of Jainan's cock.
Jainan yelled. He didn't mean to, it just happened. Kiem's mouth was soft and hot and slick inside, and he sucked eagerly. Jainan couldn't keep his hips still, though he tried so hard he thought he must be trembling. Kiem only made muffled approving sounds when Jainan shoved himself deeper into his mouth. He pulled off just long enough to say, “I don't have much gag reflex, so -” he grinned “- just go for it. I like it.”
Jainan made a strangled noise. Kiem squeezed his fingers and went down on him again. Despite what he'd said Jainan still tried to hold still, but it was impossible, and Kiem kept making sounds. What followed was for Jainan an overwhelming blur, nothing but pleasure and sensation and the tight anchoring pressure of Kiem holding onto his hand. Orgasm was a shock, build-up and release all at once. Jainan only realised afterwards, mortified, that he hadn’t managed to get out a warning. Even Taam had usually warned -
Kiem was wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, grinning. His cock was starting to fill again, physical evidence of his enjoyment of what had just happened. He licked his lips unconsciously as he looked at Jainan.
He swallowed, Jainan thought dizzily, remembering the sensation. Holy God.
“Er,” he managed.
“That was so hot,” said Kiem, with plain sincerity. “You’re so hot, wow. Please say I can do that again.”
“...now?” Jainan said faintly. Impossibly, his softening cock gave a twitch. How on earth did Kiem have this effect on him? Jainan was used to thinking of himself as not having much sex drive. He wanted to push Kiem back down on the pillows and put his hands everywhere. He wanted to make him come again.
He was not hiding it well, either. Kiem’s eyes darkened at his expression. But he smiled. The smile had a wicked edge to it that suited him. “I’m thinking breakfast,” he said. “And then I’m thinking after breakfast.”
“Do you want to fuck me?” Jainan blurted. It came out graceless and stupid-sounding. He felt his face flush.
“Yes,” said Kiem. “Yes, yes, wow, yes.”
Kiem somehow had to get through breakfast with Jainan’s soft voice saying do you want to fuck me? ringing in his ears the whole time. He had no idea what they ended up ordering. Pancakes? It might have been pancakes. It might equally have been fried lizard in chocolate dip for all the attention Kiem had to spare. Do you want to, do you want to, shit do I want to, was going round and round in his head, and meanwhile Jainan sat calmly across from him and ate neat bites of whatever-it-was as if he wasn’t driving Kiem crazy at all. Kiem wanted to suck his fingers, kiss his mouth, get down on his knees under the breakfast table and worship his dick, and he wanted to do all of that at once. And Jainan had asked Kiem to fuck him.
“We should wash up,” Jainan said when they were done eating, as if he hadn’t noticed Kiem practically vibrating. Kiem made a faint helpless noise and then said, “Okay, okay, okay,” and got up. He had to adjust himself in the shorts he’d put on. Jainan looked at him and blinked and then paused. He sat back in his chair and kept looking at Kiem.
“This is your fault,” Kiem said.
“Take those off,” said Jainan.
Kiem heard himself make another faint whining noise. Jainan gave him a smile that was edging into smirk territory. Kiem’s dick sprang free when he took the shorts off. He struck a pose and Jainan snorted. Now Kiem ought to make a joke, but it was hard to think of anything funny to say when just having Jainan looking at him was making him harder. “I,” he said.
Jainan got up and came over and kissed him.
“Washing up?” Kiem managed faintly when they broke apart.
“Later,” said Jainan, and took his hand to lead him back towards the bedroom.
“How do you want to do this?” Kiem said after quite a lot of making out. They’d ended up throwing most of the covers onto the floor as they rolled on the bed together, and they were clinging to each other and breathing hard. Kiem could feel sweat beading on his own shoulders, and Jainan’s hair was dishevelled from Kiem’s hands in it. “I mean, if you do still want to do this, because I could also -” he was thinking again of how fucking amazing it had felt to get his lips around Jainan’s dick, the smell and taste of him and the sensation of Jainan losing control in Kiem’s mouth.
“You really do like giving head,” said Jainan, as if this were a surprising scientific discovery he had made.
“What gave it away?” Kiem said.
Jainan delicately touched Kiem’s lower lip with two fingers of his right hand. Kiem kissed them, and then started to suck when Jainan slipped them into his mouth. “I can’t imagine,” Jainan said. He was smiling. “But I like it.”
Kiem could not reply because his mouth was full, and also because he was having a heart attack over how spectacularly good at this Jainan was. Kiem had had other partners notice the mouth thing, but no one had ever got it quite as fast as this, and no one had ever made him feel overwhelmed like this. Twenty minutes of necking and Jainan’s fingers in his mouth and Kiem was as turned on as he could ever remember being in his life. “Face to face,” Jainan said. “Is that all right?”
Jainan had not meant to suggest it. Jainan had assumed that it would be what was simplest and what he was used to, that he would be face down on the bed and Kiem would be on top of him - no, not even assumed: that implied thinking about it. No one had ever asked him how do you want to do this? before.
But once Kiem did say it he found himself considering: and as he put his fingers in Kiem’s mouth and watched Kiem’s blissful expression as he sucked them, there was a picture in his head of how this could be. He coaxed Kiem to lie down on his back and kissed him some more, and then he hesitated. Where was -
“Bedside drawer,” said Kiem helpfully. “Can I -”
“No,” said Jainan without even thinking about it as he leaned over and dug through the drawer for lubricant. There it was. He felt a giddiness he didn’t have a word for running through him: something like being drunk, but his mind was clear, and it had nothing to with alcohol and everything to do with the throb of arousal and the sight and feeling of Kiem erect and eager underneath him. “Let me,” he said.
“By all means,” Kiem said, grinning. “Sorry, I didn’t realise you had a vision.”
Jainan bent and kissed him hard. “Be patient,” he said firmly.
“You say that like it’s easy -” Kiem mumbled against his lips, and then Jainan put his tongue in his mouth and Kiem started moaning instead of talking. He was panting for breath when Jainan broke away and uncapped the lubricant. He felt a little self-conscious like this, kneeling up over Kiem and reaching back to put his fingers in himself, but he wasn’t sure - he didn’t like the idea of -
“You’re so beautiful,” Kiem breathed, watching him, and though the self-consciousness was still there Jainan shuddered at the look on his face. He stretched himself perfunctorily - this bit was hardly the point - and slicked up Kiem’s cock as well. That was more interesting because it made Kiem groan and thrust into his hand. Something in Jainan thought: if I give him a handjob now, then I won’t have to.
It was an old automatic thought, and when Kiem whispered Jainan’s name it evaporated and was replaced with a rush of I want to. “Hold still,” Jainan ordered. His face felt strange. He realised he was smiling, and could not stop.
Kiem did not quite obey, shifting his hips to make the angle easier as Jainan sank down onto his cock. Jainan hissed at the stretch and Kiem froze under him. “Are you okay?” he said. His voice was rough and soft. Tender, Jainan thought out of nowhere, and had to close his eyes.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, yes, just -”
Kiem’s hands landed on Jainan’s hips. “Steady,” he said. “Take it slow.”
Jainan breathed out, and opened his eyes to see Kiem watching him with something halfway between affection and concern. He raised a hand to the side of Jainan’s face, and then set it in his hair. The touch was soothing as a kiss. Jainan found himself smiling again. He braced his hands on Kiem’s bare chest and bore down, making himself relax. The stretch was difficult but it was worth it for the way Kiem’s hands flexed convulsively, holding him tighter, and the faint whimpering sound he made.
“Okay,” Jainan whispered when Kiem was fully seated inside him. It was starting to feel pleasant now. “God, okay.” He leaned down and pressed an off-centre kiss over Kiem’s mouth. The angle did not work quite as he had pictured it - there would be no deep tongue kisses - but it did not seem to matter. Next time, Jainan thought. Part of him was already looking forward to it.
Kiem had a strained line between his brows. Jainan could feel the tension of keeping still thrumming all through his body. “You feel so,” he said faintly. “Fuck, Jainan. Can I - should I -”
It was strange how effortless it was for Jainan to decode what Kiem meant by his broken sex talk. He had never thought of himself as good at understanding people. Kiem just made sense. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, move.”
Jainan was tight around Kiem’s dick and fever-hot inside and gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous, with his chest heaving and his hair hanging down around both their faces and his thighs and arse flexing every time they moved together. Kiem was going to fucking die, just like this, buried in him, and it would be worth every fucking second. He was making so much noise he would normally have been embarrassed about it, but every groan and incoherent plea that came out of him just seemed to inspire Jainan, who had an athlete’s control over his own body and whose face kept settling back into that beautiful smirk in between the kisses he dropped on Kiem’s mouth and cheeks and temples. Fuck, fuck, fuck, Kiem wasn’t going to last. He tried to think of things that weren’t Jainan riding him to stave off orgasm, but it was impossible to think of anything else when this was somehow happening. He could feel Jainan’s dick rubbing against his stomach, hard again now after flagging earlier, and it just turned him on more. He wanted Jainan to come all over him. He said so and felt the shiver of Jainan’s chuckle go through them both. Fuuuuck. “I can’t -” he said.
“Come on,” Jainan said, voice gone very deep. “I want you to.”
Kiem came with a shout, arching off the bed, thrusting himself deep. Jainan threw his head back and the muscles of his arse flexed around Kiem, making everything somehow even more intense. Kiem shuddered and moaned through the aftershocks and finally collapsed limply back onto the bed. “Oh,” he said faintly. “Oh, wow.”
Jainan laughed softly. Kiem winced, oversensitive. “Sorry,” Jainan said, and he moved off Kiem slowly, finally flinging himself down next to Kiem on the bed. “Okay?”
Kiem was having a hard time opening his eyes. He knew he had to soon, or he’d fall asleep without getting Jainan off and that was obviously unacceptable. He made a whimpering noise to indicate that he was okay. Words seemed a bit much.
He heard Jainan laugh again, and reached out with a flailing hand to grab at him. “I’m here,” Jainan said, letting Kiem pull him closer. Kiem put his face into Jainan’s neck and breathed in the sex-smell of him. He couldn’t believe he was this lucky. It still seemed impossible. He kissed the nearest bit of skin he could reach and heard Jainan catch his breath.
Right, right, okay, Kiem wasn’t passing out just yet. You couldn’t have the most beautiful person you’d ever seen ride you to the most intense orgasm of your life and then not return the favour. “Hand okay?” he said into Jainan’s neck, and when Jainan murmured a smiling assent - Kiem could hear him smiling - he reached without looking, sliding his hand down Jainan’s stomach. He had abs. Kiem loved his abs.
Jainan took Kiem’s hand and helped guide it to his dick. Already Kiem was certain it was his favourite dick he had ever touched. He loved the weight and thickness of it in his hand, and the way Jainan’s breathing changed when his thumb brushed the head. He closed his hand around it and tried to get a rhythm, but it was quite difficult to make his limbs obey him right now. Jainan, wonderfully, helped. They moved their hands together up and down its length. “I can’t wait to suck you again,” Kiem said. “I still want you to come on me.”
“I can do that,” Jainan said, and he pushed Kiem over onto his side. Kiem immediately forced himself to open his eyes. He wasn’t missing this. The image of Jainan touching himself was everything he’d hoped for and more. Kiem watched hungrily as Jainan gave his dick half a dozen long strokes, and then he was coming, spilling hot over Kiem’s hip and stomach. He didn’t make a sound as he came, but his mouth was open and his eyes were screwed shut. Kiem made a helpless sound and reached out for him, and Jainan collapsed into his arms. They were sticky and sweaty and disgusting, and Kiem never wanted to let him go.
“W’should shower,” he managed to say after resting his eyes for a little bit.
Jainan didn’t reply. Kiem stroked his hair and listened to his steady breathing. He’d fallen asleep with Kiem holding him.
Oh, wow, Kiem thought, and then: it’s a good thing Bel’s not going to be around today, and then he thought about whether Hren had managed to get that trowel back to the school, and if they should order in for dinner or try to go out somewhere, and then he tried to make a mental list of all the charity trustees he needed to call at some point in the next couple of weeks, even though he was pretty sure Bel had already got it written down somewhere. Jainan’s even breathing was lulling him towards sleep too. Don’t think it, Kiem told himself. Don’t think it. He’s getting over someone and you need to respect that. Come on, Kiem, don’t think it.
He knew himself, and he knew that if he let himself think it then sooner or later - probably sooner - he would end up saying it.
Don’t think it: and Kiem didn’t, until he was right on the edge of sleep. It was only as he was drifting on the borders of dreams that his resolve came unravelled, and then he could almost pretend that it was not his own thoughts but someone else saying it to him: you’re in love, you’re in love, you’re in love.