Chapter 1: Rincewind
There once was a wizzard subpar
Whose only wish was to stay far
From the danger and strife
Of an int’resting life
But trouble clung to him like tar.
Chapter 2: Nanny Ogg
There once was a woman named Ogg
Who was really quite fond of her grog
Though she was an old dear,
It did well to stand clear
When she started to sing of hedgehogs.
Chapter 3: Captain Carrot
There once was a dwarf six feet tall
Who was dearly beloved by all
Although maybe a king
He cared not for such things
And just heeded the night watch’s call.
Chapter 4: Reaper Man
Death once took a little vacay
But the world very quick went cray-cray
So he said “I’M THE REAPER
THAT MAKES ME THE KEEPER
OF THIS WORLD, SO I GUESS I MAY STAY.”
Chapter 5: Going Postal
There once was a con man quite clever
Who, thanks to the good hangman’s lever,
Fell out of the noose
And into good use
In charge of the Post and its letters.
Chapter 6: Monstrous Regiment
A gal once went off to enroll
With a vampire, some lads and a troll
Ill-prepared to be warriors
They saw naught but horrors
In war and in old gender roles.
Chapter 7: Sybil Ramkin
There once was a lady named Sybil
Who used bits of charcoal as kibble
For her dragony pets
And their fiery blue jets
Which could lead to unfortunate dribble.
Chapter 8: Sam Vimes
There once was a fellow named Vimes
Who was truly a man of his times
It was true he was rude,
Badly shaven, ill-shoed,
But steadfast in hunting out crimes.
Chapter 9: the Librarian
There once was a well-skilled librarian
Who was quite a good bit more hairy than
Your average scholar
Though not at all taller
And, when called monkey, barbarian.
Chapter 10: Vetinari
There once was a man from the city
Who was carefully, fatally witty
Throughout many years
He maintained all the gears
That kept his town afloat sans committee.
Chapter 11: Tiffany Aching
Though witches grow mostly on rock,
There once was a girl from the Chalk
Who said “I know where I stand
And I know my own land
And I’ll always take care of my flock.”