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Discworld Limericks

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There once was a wizzard subpar
Whose only wish was to stay far
From the danger and strife
Of an int’resting life
But trouble clung to him like tar.

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There once was a woman named Ogg
Who was really quite fond of her grog
Though she was an old dear,
It did well to stand clear
When she started to sing of hedgehogs.

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There once was a dwarf six feet tall
Who was dearly beloved by all
Although maybe a king
He cared not for such things
And just heeded the night watch’s call.

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Death once took a little vacay
But the world very quick went cray-cray
So he said “I’M THE REAPER
THAT MAKES ME THE KEEPER
OF THIS WORLD, SO I GUESS I MAY STAY.”

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There once was a con man quite clever
Who, thanks to the good hangman’s lever,
Fell out of the noose
And into good use
In charge of the Post and its letters.

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A gal once went off to enroll
With a vampire, some lads and a troll
Ill-prepared to be warriors
They saw naught but horrors
In war and in old gender roles.

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There once was a lady named Sybil
Who used bits of charcoal as kibble
For her dragony pets
And their fiery blue jets
Which could lead to unfortunate dribble.

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There once was a fellow named Vimes
Who was truly a man of his times
It was true he was rude,
Badly shaven, ill-shoed,
But steadfast in hunting out crimes.

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There once was a well-skilled librarian
Who was quite a good bit more hairy than
Your average scholar
Though not at all taller
And, when called monkey, barbarian.

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There once was a man from the city
Who was carefully, fatally witty
Throughout many years
He maintained all the gears
That kept his town afloat sans committee.

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Though witches grow mostly on rock,
There once was a girl from the Chalk
Who said “I know where I stand
And I know my own land
And I’ll always take care of my flock.”