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War-Chants

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HannibalTheMannibal: sup

ScipioAfricanus: sup, bro

HannibalTheMannibal: what was your Eurovision entry even, yo

ScipioAfricanus: yeah, like yours was any better? i mean, like, a troupe of ice-skating elephants crossing endless mountains? did you send that idea in, bro?

HannibalTheMannibal: you're just jealous you didn't think of it first. face it, bro, our elephants can outdance anyone from Carthage anytime

ScipioAfricanus: it's just really sad that you had to resort to THIS WORD IS NOT APPROVED FOR INTERNATIONAL DISCOURSE BY THE CENTURIATE ASSEMBLY OF ROME. PLEASE REPHRASE AND TRY AGAIN. THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE FUNDED BY YOUR ANNUAL TRIBUTES.

HannibalTheMannibal: yo, i'm getting that censorship message from your end, dude. it's hilarious that you people can't even say "fuck" or "piss" on EurovisionChat when your national poet is Catullus

ScipioAfricanus: at least our poets use proper meter and feet! not like your THIS WORD IS ALSO NOT APPROVED FOR INTERNATIONAL DISCOURSE BY THE CENTURIATE ASSEMBLY OF ROME. WE SUGGEST THAT YOU CONSULT THE DICTIONARY OF EUPHEMISMS. CONTINUED VIOLATION WILL INCUR A FINE. OR WE MIGHT JUST DISPATCH A MAGISTRATE TO YOUR DOMUS. YOUR CHOICE. THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE FUNDED BY YOUR ANNUAL TRIBUTES.

HannibalTheMannibal: lolwhut

ScipioAfricanus: d a m m i t

HannibalTheMannibal: also, that quincunx formation your backup singers performed is so last year

ScipioAfricanus: what, because filling the stage with elephants is the height of choreography? to say nothing of that scene in your video with all the boats

HannibalTheMannibal: at least we know how to build boats. i bet you can't even swim.

ScipioAfricanus: anyway, the couplets in the Carthaginian entry were just pathetic. "I will sail/ beyond the whale" for srs?

HannibalTheMannibal: you're just salty that your cgi department couldn't come up with convincing particle effects

ScipioAfricanus: yeah, it's just like you Carthaginians to rely on sfx instead of good musicianship

HannibalTheMannibal: you call that caterwauling good musicianship? you need singers who can actually sing, yo, not just belt out notes in the hopes of hitting a pitch

ScipioAfricanus: beats processing everything with autotune if you ask me, yo, you might as well be sending vocaloids to Eurovision

HannibalTheMannibal: at least our vocaloid-alikes can sing melodies. what good is it having a bunch of Muses if none of your singers can perform decently?

ScipioAfricanus: hey, at least we're not sending in dancing bears like Westeros

HannibalTheMannibal: okay, i'll grant you that.

ScipioAfricanus: and at least we also have hot guys in ours

HannibalTheMannibal: our guys are hotter than yours, dude

ScipioAfricanus: yeah? we'll see when the results come in

HannibalTheMannibal: what, you're going to stay up until they do?

ScipioAfricanus: why not? not like there's a war on

HannibalTheMannibal: lol

ScipioAfricanus: i guess yours wasn't completely awful. i mean, in spite of all the obvious problems with it. i kind of admired the bit with the pincer formation. it's impressive that your dancers were able to not trip over their feet long enough to carry out the maneuver.

HannibalTheMannibal: well, thx bro. that duet segment in your entry wasn't all bad either. what were the names of the singers? Gnaeus Servilius Geminus and Gaius Flaminius Nepos? they almost sang in tune with each other, which was pretty cool.

ScipioAfricanus: yeah, save it, bro

HannibalTheMannibal: just trying to make you feel better, dude. it's not your fault that you romans are cursed with incompetent singers.

ScipioAfricanus: whatevs

HannibalTheMannibal: you romans with your ridiculous long-ass names, yo

ScipioAfricanus: our long-THIS WORD IS NOT APPROVED FOR INTERNATIONAL DISCOURSE BY THE CENTURIATE ASSEMBLY OF ROME. PLEASE CONSIDER USING A LESS LOADED TERM, SUCH AS "JACKAL," "SANDWORM," OR "EWOK." THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE FUNDED BY YOUR ANNUAL TRIBUTES.

HannibalTheMannibal: do you not find that seriously fucking annoying, dude?

ScipioAfricanus: eh, whatevs

HannibalTheMannibal: you guys never think of rising up against your linguistic oppressors?

ScipioAfricanus: nah, it's cool. we can swear all we want at home. we're just trying to protect you delicate foreigners.

HannibalTheMannibal: you messing with me, bro?

ScipioAfricanus: i would never f u c k with a child of hamilcar barca

HannibalTheMannibal: yeah whatever, dude

ScipioAfricanus: well okay, maybe i would, not like i have anything better to do while waiting for this endless scirian "war-chant" to end

HannibalTheMannibal: chill out, man, what are you going to do? send a wooden horse full of viruses to invade my computer's operating system?

ScipioAfricanus: uh, dude, i think you're mistaking us for the achaeans. like, totally different.

HannibalTheMannibal: if you say so. i dunno, it's, like, awfully hard to tell you guys apart sometime.

ScipioAfricanus: them's fighting words, dude

HannibalTheMannibal: fine, whatevs, don't get your toga in a twist

ScipioAfricanus: yikes, i thought i was kidding about this scirian war-chant. i thought we were, like, limited to three minutes?!

HannibalTheMannibal: maybe someone like bribed the judges or something, fuck if i know?

ScipioAfricanus: for reals. oh well, at least rome and carthage both made it this far, you know?

HannibalTheMannibal: trudat

ScipioAfricanus: i mean, not like the others are real contenders compared to us, yeah?

HannibalTheMannibal: you said it, bro

ScipioAfricanus: oh thank all the gods, the war-chant's over

HannibalTheMannibal: so now we just have to wait for the votes to come in?

ScipioAfricanus: i guess so. d a m m i t i'm hungry and the pizza place doesn't do deliveries this late

HannibalTheMannibal: haha what you get for not stocking up while you have the chance

ScipioAfricanus: yeah whatevs, oh hey they're announcing the results

HannibalTheMannibal: ...

ScipioAfricanus: ...

HannibalTheMannibal: you're shitting me, the scirian war-chant won the semis?! i call shenanigans

ScipioAfricanus: maybe i'm overthinking this, but it really feels like the end of an era. the death of good music

HannibalTheMannibal: you're telling me

ScipioAfricanus: i sorta zoned out lol, who's the scirian singer anyway?

HannibalTheMannibal: lemme scrub back and find the name for you

ScipioAfricanus: thx dude

HannibalTheMannibal: no prob

ScipioAfricanus: haha bet there's a LOT of scrubbing

HannibalTheMannibal: yeah, this track is epic and not in a good way...okay, here, i found it. some dude called odoacer?

ScipioAfricanus: never heard of him

HannibalTheMannibal: haha me neither. still, everyone knows that we're the ones who'll go down in the histories, yeah? as opposed to some punk-ass scirian dude who can't even sing well. i'm sure we'll hear all the dirt later. anyway, i need to get some shut-eye. same place, same time tomorrow to play civ against you?

ScipioAfricanus: sounds good, prepare to go down in flames, bro

HannibalTheMannibal: yeah, you just keep telling yourself that

ScipioAfricanus: night

HannibalTheMannibal: night