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Healing wounds

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***

“Now remove your fucking giant paw from my genitals please…” said Misha a little annoyed and making the entire room of people laugh. He had to laugh, he had to, because it had to be a joke, it can’t be again what it used to be.

It wasn’t even the first one, it was like the 30th at least and it wasn’t funny anymore, he knew Jared was not one of them, he did it all in good spirit and always thinking it was fun. He usually had help from Jensen but instead of having the serious - yes he’s a goofball but he can be serious and professional if he’s asked to be- on his side, he had Jensen making kissy faces at him every time the camera had a close up of Misha’s face.

Misha of course laughed, and blushed and rolled his eyes. It was just teasing, it was supposed to be fun, but director and producers were more and more crossed and every time it looked like it was Misha’s fault.

The one time Jared held him from behind and slammed him against the wall while moving his pelvis against him was the worst.

“You know you like it.” He said before leaving him alone, the air knocked out of his lungs. Misha for once was really scared, it was violent and he had no time to react at all. He had to remind himself Jared was his friend. And he won’t hurt him, right?

Then it was Jensen’s time, he passed by and intentionally emptied a glass of ice cold water down his back.

Misha stood straight and stiff out of surprise. “Now you look like the stuck up angel with a log up his ass.” He said and laughed, Misha even tried to smile back.

He had two lines, that was all, and he was ready, he heard the director calling for them to get quiet, and set his mind to be Castiel, expressionless, angel of the lord and he heard the voice. “ROLLING!!”
“Action!” Norman shouted.

Castiel cold and in control spoke through him. “That’s not what I intended Sam. Bu-” he saw how Jared was working hard to hide his smile. And he stopped looking away to keep in character, he was a professional for Christ sake. He let out a sigh and turned again. This time Jared was crossing his eyes and making a fish face. Misha smiled.

“Misha, come on!! One scene man.” The director shouted. And Jensen snickered like a girl.

Misha sighed frustrated. “This giant jerk is laughing…” said Misha and smiled too, he was pissed, but let’s be honest it was funny. The boys kept laughing. “I hate working with you…” he said and Jensen snorted laughing and bent over moving away. Jared kept making funny faces and pissing off the light guys.

“Okay…” the director sounded cross. “Take five and giggle like schoolgirls I don’t care but after that, we’ll start this and no more jokes are we clear?”

Jensen slapped Misha’s back. “You heard? No more bad acting.” And he moved getting closer to him. “That’s Jared Job.” Jared flipped him and they moved back laughing. It wasn’t just him, right? It wasn’t bullying it was just horsing around. right?

“Are you imagining me naked? You freak?” said Jensen striking a Venus pose, making him chuckle. He moved away a second to get into Castiel mindset again.

Once more the same ritual, lights, marks, measurements, quiet please, rolling, ACTION!

“That’s not what I intended Sam, But if I-” this time Jared had a giant black dildo hanging out of his pants, and Misha stopped.

“This is so frustrating.” Everybody laughed, even if Jensen tried his best to not to.

Jared took the dildo out and gave it to Misha. Jensen took it and started rubbing it causing even more laughter. Misha couldn’t help it, he liked his lips and tried to play it cool pretending he wasn’t affected.

“Seriously, I didn’t go to drama school for this.”

Jensen snorted and started laughing, the entire set started laughing.

“He went to drama school!” Jared kept laughing and it was too much. Misha didn’t say anything the days prior when they messed with his trailer, with his computer or his cell phone.

He had to wait until he got home to talk to his family.

Everything was ten times worst now, today from all days they were really being abusive. He was about to break but he managed to plaster a smile on his face. Even if obviously fake.

I guess you’d have to be a victim of bullying to understand, how going out, how going to school or anywhere is painful and stressful and even knowing they are not right, that whatever hurtful things they say are not true, it hurts. And worst, after a certain time you start thinking that maybe they’re right. Maybe is your fault what’s happening to you.

Imagine going out every day knowing you’ll be hurt and humiliated; imagine how it feels the first punch, the first joke, or the tenth, or all those eyes doing nothing, just staring and laughing of your misery. Imagine how terrible it feels to be alone all the time.

He’s been through that already and his time in college wasn’t easy either. And after all this and all this time He thought he had a safe place here, among these amazing guys. He was part of this family.

His breath held on his chest as he forced himself to relax. The one scene where he was silent was interrupted by a dancing pair of idiots. The one other line he had was interrupted with the endless giggles of Jensen or Jared farting or doing blue steels all the time.

So he’d make them pay, he will. He made a paper plane with a bunch of curse words inside and throwed at them, but the pain and resentment in the paper was so heavy the plane didn’t even flied ten feet before it fell to the floor and Misha just gave up, while Jared and Jensen were laughing again and he just gave up.

Jared mocking him and laughing until he had -yet again- tears running down his face was just too much. He couldn’t take it anymore, while everyone was laughing and among the sea of smiling faces he just took off Castiel’s coat and walked out. He kept his smile, stoic and stiff, the same face every bullied kid always has, the “don’t let them see you’re broken” smile.

Jensen noticed how his shoulders sagged, how his smile faltered and how his eyes were casted down.

“Enough, Jay…” Jared was bent by the waist holding his stomach. “Hey, seriously, stop…” but there was no sign of anyone stopping any time soon, only few guys from the crew were quiet, but only because as much as they enjoy the warm and relaxed environment, this jokes that lasted the last three days but went out of control today were stalling production, it only meant more hours, and more work and the actors didn’t seem to mind.

Jensen walked out and it took him a good five minutes walking to stop hearing the laughter. “Mish!?” he saw a retreating form and followed him toward the trailers. “Wait!”

“I’m fine.” A broken voice answered. “Just need a couple minutes.”

Jensen was at his side in a couple steps ad saw he was crying. “Fuck… we really went too far this time. huh?”

“yeah.” No use on denying it. “I just need a couple minutes.”

“Misha.” Jensen held him and pulled him close. “I’m sorry, okay? It was stupid and childish.” Misha let himself relax on the tight embrace; it was finally like having a friend. “I won’t let them do this ever again. I promise…”

“You can’t…” mumbled against his shoulder.

“Okay… well I’ll try, and you’ll always count on me… for anything.”

Misha laughed and pushed him away, trying hard not to lash out on him. “If this is out of guilt, save it, I’m fine.” He wasn’t, he just wanted to be strong, nothing good ever came out of those who were nice with him out of guilt.

“The hell it is, you’re my friend Misha and I understand we over stepped more than one line, but it’s because we’re idiots, we’re not mean, I’m not mean, and I’m really, really sorry.” Green eyes looked deep into blue ones and Misha felt himself blush.

“Now I finally see what all those fan girls are about.”

Jensen scoffed and rolled his eyes and smacked him over the head, but his other hand never left Misha’s chest; he never let him go. “You okay now?”

Misha shook his head from side to side. “Nope... but I will.” Jensen nodded and smiled.

Misha let out a sigh and thanked him before wetting his lips. He was still scared to going back and facing the entire set, fearing laughter, ridicule, humiliation.

“You’ll be fine, Mish I promise.” He said mimicking the movements of his lips.

Out of nowhere Misha plunged forward, reservations be damned and kissed those lips, and yes, they feel like heaven. He was waiting for the moment when Jensen would push him away and he knew he was ruining everything, but instead of being pushed Jensen held him close and moaned on the kiss.

After just one second he moved back a little and looked into his eyes, his lips twitching in something akin a smile and pushed Misha a couple steps back, Misha gasped surprised, once against the wall of his trailer Jensen kissed him again, roughly, possessive and desperate, as if wanting to taste all of him in one kiss. They parted when the need to breathe was too strong, looking intently at each other; ready to discuss the kiss, or maybe repeat it when they heard someone coming.

“There you are… is everything okay?” Jared was oblivious of what he just interrupted. “I’m sorry; I swear it was never my intention to be that obnoxious.”

Misha was too much in shock to answer. “Seriously… now come on, Jeremy is going to kill me.” Jared smacked Jensen’s back and pulled Misha by the neck. “I’m sorry; I won’t do anything else until next week.”

Once in set, people was quiet and ready, Misha was once more in Castiel’s mode and when he looked from Sam to Dean, he found those green eyes fix on his and his stomach did a flip.

Suddenly things didn’t seem that bad.

The end