It started off as an accident, really. An idle scratch of the timetables, gone awry after a sudden attack. Dave couldn't even turn around because he knew the damage was done.
Dave didn't know the records were removable. Hell, he didn't even know how the hell these goddamn things worked at all. They were just handed to him in an act of providence, by his own future self. He felt like a monkey manhandling delicate machinery, or a cat that had just jumped up on the stove, about to burn itself.
He kinda liked that second analogy, anyway, he sometimes felt almost ready to burst into flame his planet was so hot.
But he was getting off track again.
The real question now was how to get time moving again.
He had panicked at first; as his entire universe came screeching to a halt, and the record flew off of its spindle, he was sweating bullets. Thank god, he supposed, that he hadn't lost the other record too. Otherwise he wasn't sure he'd even be able to move.
Some Knight of Time he would be then - the entire universe frozen in place, no one able to do anything to stop it. Knight of Time. Knight of what?
Come on, Dave, get it together.
Davesprite had not given him much more than a cursory explanation - "here, the right one controls the timeline, and the left one controls where you appear in it, just dick around with it a bit and you'll figure it out". Yeah, because a device that gave a user absolute control over their location in time and space was something you could just dick around. Man, I can be a real asshole sometimes. He laughed to himself, allowing himself the simple pleasure.
Dave watched as the record flew for a moment, before hanging in mid-air; Dave instinctively reached for it, but found it extremely hard to move.Of course, he realized, even air molecules are frozen right now. He wondered for a moment how he was able to breathe frozen air, but chose to ignore it for the sake of his sanity, chalking it up to "weird magic shit".
He could not run after the record, for the simple act of walking forward felt like moving through molasses. Fortunately, the left timetable solved that problem - a single scratch and he appeared right in front of the record. He snatched the slowly-falling piece of vinyl out of the air, and strained his muscles against time to place it back onto the right timetable. For surely once the record was back in place and spinning again things would go back to normal. He threaded the record back onto its spindle, and lowered it onto the platter.
Nothing. The record refused to spin on its own. He pushed it clockwise - all around him, objects moved forward in time. A counterclockwise push reversed them. But as soon as he took his fingers off the record, everything stopped again.
He took a quiet moment to curse himself for being such an idiot. Only a top-tier gogdamn fool would have let his guard down when manipulating the flow of space-time.
But there was no way he was going to give up now. And he figured that of everyone he knew, there was at least one person who would be able to help.
Dave futilely tried to access his iShades; when they refused to switch on, he slapped himself in the forehead. He scanned the area, and found a convenient metal scaffolding to rest on, and in an instant, he was there, no trace of him left behind on the motionless gears below. Again he flipped the switch, using one hand to keep time moving forward, albeit slowly.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: hey rose
TG: i could use your help
TG: more fucked up time shit
TG: timetable on the fritz
TG: could you maybe use your dark majykk enyrjjies to majykk up a solution
TG: you there
He stopped. Even for her, Rose was taking an awful long time to respond. He moved his right hand in tighter circles, trying to speed things up somewhat.
After an eternity, purple pixels started to light up on Dave's shades. They formed legible words another eternity later.
TT: You just sent six messages within a tenth of a second.
Fuck, how fast was this record spinning before it stopped? Dave strained against all hope to get it moving faster.
TT: What did you do?
TG: right platter decided to kick its shit
TG: thats the one that controls time
TG: i think if you could get it spinning or something
TG: bam everything back to normal
TG: so yeah my right hand is getting tired
TG: shut up and get over to lohac
TG: i dont know how long this will keep working
TG: i might break it
TG: or something
TG: its really fucking complicated
TG: next time i see future me i might just commit suicide by proxy
TG: after i get detailed notes on the construction of this thing
TG: permanent ink
TG: black or blue only
TG: signed and notarized
TG: in triplicate
TT: It might be more prudent for you to take your gate backwards to my planet.
TG: what why would i do that
TT: All of my resources are here.
TG: ok yeah ill just fly all the way up to the gate
TG: all slow motion like nick cage in some shitty action movie
TG: on unreal air which already takes like a gogdamn year to get up three feet
TG: all while spinning this turntable like a motherfucker
TG: you cannot beat me at a record scratching contest
TG: i am simply the best there is
TG: muscular right arm spinning all the records
TG: all of them
TG: im a motherfucking dj hero now
TT: Your rants are nearly bearable when they happen all at once. It's almost cute.
TG: right anyway im coming over
TT: I will warn John and Jade that you will be temporarily indisposed.
TG: yeah thats the ticket
TG: because when the entire space time continuum is in danger
TG: the absolute worst thing to happen would be if someone tried to talk to me
TG: what if i move my hand in the wrong direction
TG: oh nooooooo as jade would say
TT: I hope to see you sooner or later; sooner for me, later for you, I suppose.
TG: ha ha laugh it up lalonde
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
Dave switched off the chat window, and let time stop again; fatigue was already setting in. His house wasn't too far off, but the upward ascent would take far too long unless he started now.
He spun the record, feeling the grooves under his fingers, and obtained Unreal Air from his fetch modus. Dave jumped onto the skateboard in midair - an easy feat when it was moving so slowly - and pointed it gateward.
"Let's get this shitstorm overwith."