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we love you, you colossal fuckwit

Chapter Text

2:13 AM

schottjr has created a chat: supersquad™

schottjr has added scarydanverssunshinedanversnotadanvers, and badasslane

scarydanvers: who's notadanvers

notadanvers: im james

scarydanvers: oh ok

scarydanvers: but why

notadanvers: idk winn named us

badasslane: winn why are you making a chat at 2 am

schottjr: the purpose of friendship

schottjr: also seeing if kara is awake bc i need to go on an ice cream run but im lazy

sunshinedanvers: what's up

schottjr: get me ice cream

scarydanvers: that's no way to talk to my sister

schottjr: get me ice cream pls

sunshinedanvers: sure! what kind?

schottjr: half baked

scarydanvers: brownie

badasslane: chocolate

notadanvers: caramel and pls change my name

scarydanvers has changed notadanvers' name to purtyboy

purtyboy: alEX WHAT THE FUCK

scarydanvers: you asked

purtyboy has changed scarydanvers' name to gaymess

gaymess: eXCusE yOU

sunshinedanvers: ok i got the ice cream

gaymess: kara are you texting in midair again

sunshinedanvers: ..............

gaymess: KARA

sunshinedanvers: it's time-effective

schottjr: thank god for superspeed thank you thank you

purtyboy: YES BLESSINGS UPON YOU

badasslane: what a pure angel im so glad i know you

sunshinedanvers: :)

gaymess: ok i see how it is kara

gaymess: fakeass sister

gaymess: cannot believe this

sunshinedanvers: i'm here

gaymess: fucking FINALLY

gaymess: not even getting to murder mon-el could keep me from my fudge ice cream

schottjr: hey

schottjr: whats monel's username

gaymess: NO

badasslane: lmao 'fuckboi'

schottjr: u serious

badasslane: yah j'onn changed it

gaymess: thanks dad

schottjr has added fuckboi to supersquad™

fuckboi: hi

gaymess: no

fuckboi: why am i here at 2 am

badasslane: why is everyone awake at 2 am more like

gaymess: pretty sure winn hacked our phones to max vibrate or something

gaymess: i was so tired i just blacked out with my phone in my pocket

gaymess: and then i got woken up at 2 am by my ass vibrating

schottjr: bet you wish it had been maggie huh

gaymess: really reconsidering not murdering you schott

schottjr: pax pax pax

sunshinedanvers: calm down you two

fuckboi: oh hey kara

sunshinedanvers: what's up?

fuckboi: i was wondering if you were free tomorrow night for dinner

gaymess: no shes busy

sunshinedanvers: really?

gaymess: i already sent in an order for four hundred potstickers

sunshinedanvers: oh yeah just remembered i'm busy

schottjr: how much do you get paid

gaymess: what? nah

gaymess: lena luthor's paying

purtyboy: she's WHTA

fuckboi: WHAT

purtyboy: i fell asleep but then i read those words and now i am wide aswake

purtyboy: when the FUCK did this happen

gaymess has removed fuckboi from the chat

gaymess: since five seconds ago i literally just texted lena

gaymess: i was like

gaymess: 'hey we're planning a celebration for kara'

gaymess: and she was like: 'potstickers? i'll pay. how much do you need?'

sunshinedanvers: that's so nice!

purtyboy: SCREENSHOTS

gaymess: [screenshots.jpg]

schottjr: im fucKING HOWLING

purtyboy: she FKNIUG; DID ;ATHA

badasslane: [whipped.jpg]

gaymess: i now have access to a 3 billion dollar bank account

sunshinedanvers: alex! don't take advantage!

gaymess: ive always wanted a bonsai tree

 

--

 

2:46 AM

gaymess has created a chat: lesbihonest

gaymess has added bonsaicop and Lena.Luthor

bonsaicop: your username is painful to look at

gaymess: me?

bonsaicop: nah babe

bonsaicop: her

Lena.Luthor: How so?

bonsaicop: sweet JESUS SHE CAPITALIZED IT AND ADDED PUNCATUATION

bonsaicop: WE'RE TEXTIN LUTHOR ASDGFD

bonsaicop has changed Lena.Luthor's name to sunshinehoe

sunshinehoe: ...What?

bonsaicop: its a JOKE

bonsaicop: cause of your giant gay crush on my gfs sister

sunshinehoe: ............

sunshinehoe has left the chat lesbihonest

bonsaicop: k lmao sore topic i guess

bonsaicop has added sunshinehoe to lesbihonest

bonsaicop: cant just run from your problems that easily luthor

sunshinehoe: Watch me.

sunshinehoe has left the chat lesbihonest

bonsaicop has added sunshinehoe to lesbihonest

sunshinehoe has left the chat lesbihonest

bonsaicop has added sunshinehoe to lesbihonest

bonsaicop: STOP

sunshinehoe: Leave me ALONE.

gaymess: its ok i respect ur big gay crush on my sister

gaymess: and ur willingness to turn over ur credit card lmao

sunshinehoe: I'm leaving now.

sunshinehoe has left the chat lesbihonest

bonsaicop: think we made a pretty solid first impression

gaymess: wasnt your first impression when you arrested her

bonsaicopfair point

bonsaicop: why are we texting at 3:02 am

gaymess: idk why are you awake

bonsaicop: cause i love you and i wanted to make sure you didn't need anything

gaymess: aw love you too

bonsaicop: [kissing emoji]

gaymess: see you at work?

bonsaicop: lmao actually im gonna go try to arrest lena again to force her to talk about her feelings

gaymess: this is why im dating you

Chapter Text

9:10 AM

supersquad™

gaymess: its time

sunshinedanvers: time for what

gaymess: to add her

sunshinedanvers: who

gaymess: sunshinehoe, awaken

gaymess has added sunshinehoe to supersquad™

sunshinehoe: What do you want?

sunshinedanvers: hi! i'm kara!

sunshinehoe: ASDFGHG

sunshinehoe: Sorry, I dropped my phone.

sunshinehoe: This is Lena, by the way.

sunshinedanvers: hi!!

sunshinehoe: How are you, Kara?

sunshinedanvers: i'm great!!!

sunshinehoe: That's good to hear!

sunshinedanvers: do you want to go out to noonan's today?

sunshinehoe: I'd love to! What time?

sunshinedanvers: 12:30 sound good?

sunshinehoe: Absolutely! I'll see you there!

 

--

9:23 AM

L-Corp

sunshinehoe: Jess, can you rearrange my schedule?

rainbowjess: having another platonic lunch with kara again, ms. luthor?

sunshinehoe: Is that an overtone of sass in your message?

rainbowjess: never, ms. luthor.

sunshinehoe: Well, in that case, you are correct. I am meeting Kara for a friendly lunch at 12:30.

rainbowjess: i'll move maxwell lord's appointment, then.

sunshinehoe: MAXWELL LORD?

rainbowjess: yes. i'll just be shifting him over a few notches in my 'never going to happen' meeting list.

rainbowjess: no, actually. you have a meeting with the german investors. i'll be calling them in a moment, shift them to tomorrow.

sunshinehoe: Thank you, Jess. Please do remember to take a break.

rainbowjess: as if i could.

sunshinehoe: Two of a kind, I suppose.

rainbowjess: enjoy your lunch, ms. luthor.

 

--

 

9:27 AM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: I'm meeting your sister soon and I was wondering if flowers might be an appropriate touch.

gaymess: and they call me the gay mess

gaymess: yellow acacia and mountain laurels

sunshinehoe: Thank you, Ms. Danvers.

gaymess: oh FUCK NO

sunshinehoe: Pardon?

gaymess: contrary to popular belief, im not fifty years old

gaymess: call me alex you uptight piece of garbage

sunshinehoe: Alright, Alex.

gaymess: and for gods sake, stop typing like ur writing a fuckn eulogy. stop with the capitalisation

sunshinehoe: It's for politeness' sake.

gaymess: whatever

 

--

 

11:24 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: ASLE;SX

gaymess: whats up

sunshinedanvers: she brouighte me foklowers

gaymess: yup sure did

sunshinedanvers: and her eyse are wo prestty

gaymess: are you drunk

sunshinedanvers: on lOVE

gaymess: goddammit mon-el

gaymess: ill come pick you up

sunshinedanvers: ok

sunshinedanvers: il ove uu

gaymess: [eyeroll emoji]

gaymess: [heart emoji]

sunshinedanvers: [death emoji]

sunshinedanvers: oops

sunshinedanvers: ilove youuuuuu aleesxx

 

--

 

11:27 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: not sure if i want kara to drunk-text lena or not

sunshinehoe: What?

gaymess: FUCK

gaymess: why are you still up?

sunshinehoe: I'm working.

sunshinehoe: What about you?

gaymess: tracking down my drunkass sister

gaymess: if she comes to your office i honestly wouldn't be surprised

sunshinehoe: Why so?

gaymess: idk man it sure does sound like she likes you

sunshinehoe: aihekbmn xasdgfd

sunshinehoe: hio;ii alllexx

gaymess: WHAT IS HAPPENING

sunshinehoe: shhhh im lena now

gaymess: kara

sunshinehoe: idk maybe im floating

gaymess: SHIT

sunshinehoe: thats a bad wodr aslexx

 

--

 

11:50 PM

supersquad™

purtyboy: alex can you give me a ride back from catco

gaymess: sure but first i have to keep kara from outing herself to lena

sunshinehoe: OUTINIOG?

sunshinehoe: wihos hgettnig outewjkd

gaymess: how did you get even drunker

purtyboy: is that lena?

gaymess: fuck DELETE DELETE

sunshinehoe: i thinkshe dhjropped ger phiojne

sunshinehoe: *phioje

sunshinehoe: *hpones

sunshinehoe: got the phone back

sunshinehoe: just gonna delete all chat history then give it back to lena

gaymess: alright james im outside catco

purtyboy: awesome ur the best

gaymess: i know

gaymess: i have drunk kara with me

schottjr: i will pay you MONEY to tickle her and take a video

gaymess: NO I JUST GOT IT CLEANED UP AFTER THE LAST INCIDEENT

schottjr: boring

gaymess: what did you SAY

gaymess: i dare you to say that to my face

schottjr: got it. backing off.

sunshinehoe: What is happening?

gaymess: nothing you dropped your phone and kara got hit in the head with it

sunshinehoe: WHAT?

gaymess: shes ok

sunshinehoe: I'm on the seventeenth floor.

gaymess: she has a thick skull

sunshinedanvers: i HEARDST HAT

gaymess: shes still iffy

sunshinedanvers: I HEARTD TAWHKB TOOP

purtyboy: stop ttwexxting as youi go forty on am otorcyclke with twso passengers

gaymess: we go hard in this crew olsen go big or go home

purtyboy: HOW ARE YOUIT TEXTING WITHUUT LOOKING AT HRGE SCREEN

gaymess: finger coordination at this level is only granted to lesbians sorry james

purtyboy: you know gwaht thats tpretty isjklegendary even if uyoui goingt os fast io kl can;t tyope

purtyboy: SCREENSHOITEED

purtyboy: fuiajkc slow dpowkjnam!!!!!!

gaymess: go hard or go home buddy

gaymess: just so you know we're here

gaymess: bc you haven't opened your eyes in the past five minutes

purtyboy: [middle finger emoji]

gaymess: love ya

gaymess: ok kara lets get you home and tuck you in

gaymess: i have a few kinds of ibuprofen and a lot of vegan fake chicken noodle soup

gaymess: god when did i get so unproblematic

Chapter Text

5:30 AM

L-Corp

sunshinehoe: And I'm up!

rainbowjess: good morning, ms. luthor

sunshinehoe: Good morning, Jess!

rainbowjess: an exclamation point? incredible

sunshinehoe: Please contain the sass, Jess.

rainbowjess: hold on here's kara with my coffee what an angel

rainbowjess: ok. down to business.

sunshinehoe: Kara?

rainbowjess: yeah kara comes every morning with coffee for both of us while i unlock the doors

sunshinehoe: What?

rainbowjess: she also colour-coded your entire schedule

sunshinehoe: So that was her?

rainbowjess: pretty, isn't it

sunshinehoe: Yes.

sunshinehoe: Do you think

sunshinehoe: She'd mind if perhaps

sunshinehoe: I happened to

rainbowjess: she just asked me about you hold up im calling you

sunshinehoe: Wait, Jess, no!

 

--

5:42 AM

Call Transcript

Jess to Lena Luthor

Jess: Ms. Luthor. Wonderful day, isn't it?

Lena: Oh, yes. Very good.

[sounds of angelic laughter]

Jess: Well, I imagine it's about to be better.

Kara: Hi, Lena!

Lena: Hello!

Kara: What are you up to?

Lena: [with fake affected casualness] Oh, you know. Just finding an outfit for the day.

Kara: Well, you look gorgeous in anything, so-

[a clunk sound, as if someone might have dropped their phone. faintly strangled sounds]

Kara: Lena? Are you alright?

Lena: I'm- [muttered] fuck- fine, of course. Sorry.

Kara: Not at all! Hey, I was thinking we might want to try this boba tea place in town that Jess highly recommends. What do you say?

Lena: [breathily] Oh, absolutely. Sounds marvellous, Kara.

Kara: Okay! Lunchtime, then?

Lena: Of course.

Kara: It's a date.

[sound of a phone dropping from a frozen hand. a click; Jess hangs up]

Lena: [pauses] [very quietly in the distance] Fuck.

 

6:41 AM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: I require immediate assistance.

bonsaicop: whats up

sunshinehoe: Kara said it was a date.

bonsaicop: relationship shit

sunshinehoe: Yes.

bonsaicop: fuck. lemme pour some caffeine down my throat first.

bonsaicop: k. whats up kiddo

sunshinehoe: Kara asked me out.

bonsaicop: FOR REAL;LMNGKAL???????????????

sunshinehoe: Well, kind of. She said 'Hey, I was thinking we might want to try this boba tea place in town that Jess highly recommends. What do you say?'

sunshinehoe: And then I said 'Yes' and she said 'It's a date.'

bonsaicop: .....

bonsaicop: did you have that copy-pasted on your phone

sunshinehoe: Give me advice, please.

bonsaicop: lmao be urself or whatever

bonsaicop: bring her roses or some romantic thing. pay for it. be gay

sunshinehoe: That's not helpful.

bonsaicop: u asked bitch

sunshinehoe: Oh. Okay. Sorry.

bonsaicop: whoa no didnt mean the 'bitch' sorry youre not a bitch ily luthor

sunshinehoe: Oh. Thank you.

bonsaicop: god why are all of us so emotionally stunted

bonsaicop: k lena listen up kiddo

bonsaicop: ur about to get some premium maggie sawyer advice™ for free

bonsaicop: first? let her kick ur ass at something

bonsaicop: second? stand a little too close to her

bonsaicop: three? p sure shes in love w you so stop wasting time

bonsaicop: four? kara danvers loves cliches

bonsaicop: kiss her in the rain or some gay bullshit like that or tell her you love her in the middle of noonan's like a goddamn nerd

bonsaicop: she seems like a sucker for coffee shops. can u pull fake dating off tho

sunshinehoe: What?

bonsaicop: never mind.

bonsaicop: listen kid ur pretty lovable no matter what u think

bonsaicop: also u should smile more often

bonsaicop: kara drunk-texted me once about ur smile

sunshinehoe: Really?

bonsaicop: its too early for this gay shit

bonsaicop: just say something to her

sunshinehoe: But I don't deserve her.

bonsaicop: .....

bonsaicop: y'know what. my place, 9 pm. gonna give u the hardcore pep talk u obviously never got.

sunshinehoe: What?

bonsaicop: dont make me say it again, kid. im gonna boost the fuck out of ur self-esteem. that shits gonna go sky-high

sunshinehoe: Okay.

bonsaicop: cool. for now, buy her some roses. smile. be urself. if she kisses u, kiss her back.

sunshinehoe: Thank you, Maggie.

bonsaicop: no problem, kiddo

 

--

 

12:04 PM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: original or blackberry-kale

gaymess: what kind of bullshit is blackberry-kale

sunshinedanvers: nevermind lena bought me both

sunshinedanvers: it's actually really good

gaymess: how does lena afford buying u so much food

sunshinedanvers: she's a ceo alex

gaymess: right

gaymess: LUTHOR

sunshinehoe: Yes?

gaymess: whats ur net worth

sunshinedanvers: alex thats rude!!!!

sunshinehoe: No, it's fine.

sunshinehoe: I believe as of yesterday it was $4.20 billion dollars

schottjr: BLAZE IT

gaymess: WHOA

gaymess: have you been here the whole time

schottjr: no thats an automatic code recogniser

gaymess: is that a fancy way to say that everytime someone says 420 ur account automatically sends 'blaze it'

schottjr: BLAZE IT

schottjr: yep pretty much

sunshinehoe: That is a curious use of technology.

schottjr: you literally gave kara free top-level wifi for the next 100 years you dont have the right to say that shit

sunshinedanvers: that was you?

sunshinehoe: Well... yes.

sunshinehoe: You mentioned something about the Internet being down before you could send your report, so I thought I might just help you out.

badasslane: get urself a gf like that

sunshinehoe: LANE

badasslane: what?

sunshinehoe: I am going to abhjgkl;sfjkhmbnckbvnbhjk

sunshinedanvers: what's wrong?

sunshinehoe: Oh, nothing.

 

--

 

12:16 PM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: SHE GRABBED MY HAND

sunshinehoe: WE'RE HOLDING HANDS MAGGIE WE'RE HOLDING HANDS

bonsaicop: THEN FOR GOOD GOD TALK TO HER INSTEAD OF TEXTING ME

sunshinehoe: YOU'RE RIGHT SHE'S SO PRETTY WOW BYE

sunshinehoe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chapter Text

8:34 PM

lesbihonest

bonsaicop: pepperoni or cheese or meat or vegan

gaymess: anything but vegan god save us all

sunshinehoe: Vegan sounds lovely, please.

bonsaicop: take an example alex

bonsaicop: also this is a one-on-one tho i will bring you pizza afterwards

gaymess: then make your OWN chat goddammit

bonsaicop: fine

 

--

8:38 PM

bonsaicop has created a chat: premium maggie sawyer advice™

bonsaicop has added sunshinehoe

bonsaicop: ok u want anything to drink

sunshinehoe: If you'd like, I can bring some wine.

bonsaicop: sure whatever you want

bonsaicop: also you sound even tenser than usual

bonsaicop: pull that stick out of ur ass luthor its time for a heart to heart

bonsaicop: u don't have to be scared, i'm not gonna arrest you again or whatever

sunshinehoe: I'm not scared.

bonsaicop: ok if you'd rather i can have kara do it and u can talk about your feelings with her instead

sunshinehoe: No!

sunshinehoe: I'm not ready. Not yet. And not for that.

bonsaicop: i was just messing with you, kid

bonsaicop: ok pizza's here

sunshinehoe: That fast?

bonsaicop: yeah i live one block away

bonsaicop: there u are i'll buzz u up

 

--

 

9:21 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: alex do you know where lena is

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

gaymess: jesus calm the fuck down

gaymess: shes at maggies theyre having a bonding session

sunshinedanvers: really?

gaymess: yeah where else would she be

sunshinedanvers: i dunno she just usually never gets out this early

sunshinedanvers: most of the time she stays until 1 am or something

sunshinedanvers: once she pulled an all-nighter

gaymess: [winky face emoji]

gaymess: so you've been paying attention to that, havent you

sunshinedanvers: well, yeah. its my job as a friend

gaymess: 'friend' lmao

sunshinedanvers: what

gaymess: your gay ass wants to marry her don't even lie

sunshinedanvers: actually, alex, i'm a bi

sunshinedanvers: THAT RHYMED ALEX

gaymess: sisters in SYNC

gaymess: anyways

gaymess: ur bi ass wants to marry her

sunshinedanvers: better

sunshinedanvers: and i might

sunshinedanvers: like her

sunshinedanvers: more than a friend would

sunshinedanvers: but she doesn't feel the same way

gaymess: ASDGFDLKHGHIOJLN,BFMHJVKCUI

gaymess: SCREENSHOTTED IM CRYIGN

gaymess: WAHT THE FUCK

gaymess: 'SEH DOESNT' FEEL TJHE SAME WAY'

sunshinedanvers: what?

gaymess: oh honey

gaymess: ur so wrong i cant believe it

sunshinedanvers: what?

gaymess: except it isnt my right to tell u so bye

gaymess: 'she doesn't feel the same way' lFUCKINGmao

 

--

 

10:51 PM

sanvers soulmates

bonsaicop: ok lena has been enlightened

gaymess: SAWYER

gaymess: take A FUCKLN LOOK

gaymess: [screenshots.jpg]

bonsaicop: what is thaafldsgjkhbjn

bonsaicop: holyi oukmgc lshawrt

bonsaicop: sbihiuhiashmdnbmjn,sk

bonsaicop: she doesnt 'feel thgj sname wey iom diynkg

gaymess: I KMPWO RIGHTN

gaymess: THAKJT,S WHAE I SAID

bonsaicop: i juits atlked ot lena about her fleilngs jfc

bonsaicop: kjopaijkhsghjlkkhjgfdhjk

bonsaicop: im LIVING

bonsaicop: tish dramsa

bonsaicop: wait

gaymess: what

bonsaicop: we gotta get lena and monhel into a chat together

bonsaicop: and everyone who likes kara

gaymess: on it lmaoooo

 

-- 

10:58 PM

gaymess has created a chat: kara's romantic interests

gaymess has added sunshinehoeschottjrpurtyboy, and fuckboi

gaymess: consider this a test of survival in order to secure karas hand

sunshinehoe: What is happening?

gaymess: oh wait. one more thing

gaymess has added sunshinedanvers

sunshinedanvers: hi alex! what's happening?

gaymess: youll figure out soon lmao

sunshinehoe: What?

sunshinedanvers: hi lena! 

sunshinehoe: Kara!

sunshinedanvers: are you busy tomorrow?

sunshinehoe: I'm always busy.

sunshinedanvers: oh.

gaymess: that somehow expressed even more disappointment than monels entire speech

sunshinehoe: But I always have time for you, Kara.

gaymess: and thats my cue to leave

gaymess has left the chat

sunshinehoe: 7 PM, Louis's?

sunshinedanvers: of course!!!

fuckboi: w8 i thot u were going out w me

sunshinedanvers: no??? i don't remember that?

fuckboi: i asked u 2 months ago if u were busy

sunshinedanvers: and then?? you didn't?? say anything????

fuckboi: yah but i thot we were going out on a d8

sunshinedanvers: we're??? not??? dating????

sunshinedanvers: where did you get that idea

fuckboi: bc u sed u liked me

sunshinedanvers: i said that maybe you were a good person deep down

fuckboi: but u practically sed u wanted to d8

schottjr: oh fuck off

sunshinedanvers: frickle frackle the heck away you son of a gosh-darned brownie

sunshinedanvers has removed fuckboi from kara's romantic interests

sunshinedanvers: wait this chat is

sunshinedanvers has changed kara's romantic interests to kara and her buddies

sunshinehoe: YEP THAT'S MORE ACCURATE

schottjr: SOUNDS GREAT

purtyboy: PRETTY AWESOME

sunshinedanvers: i'll see you tomorrow, lena?

sunshinehoe: Wouldn't miss it for the world. 

Chapter Text

1:41 AM

kara and her buddies

mxythefabulous has forcibly entered the chat

mxythefabulous: why was i not invited to this

gaymess has entered the chat

gaymess: bc nobody likes u

mxythefabulous: on the level of monel?

gaymess: nah we all hate monhell with u its just vague dislike

mxythefabulous: vaguiejnkd,jhkb??????????

mxythefabulous: APATHYU????????????

mxythefabulous: disgusting

gaymess: chill ur character never even had a purpose in our story arcs

mxythefabulous: ........

mxythefabulous: fair

mxythefabulous: kara's home should i bring her flowers

gaymess: bitch i hope the FUCK you do

gaymess: youd be a dead son of a bitch i tell u that

mxythefabulous: is that a meme

gaymess: yah

gaymess: dont discount it i'll still beat ur interdimensional ass

mxythefabulous: got it

 

--

1:50 AM

premium maggie sawyer advice™

sunshinehoe: Maggie?

bonsaicop: mm

sunshinehoe: Were you sleeping?

bonsaicop: yah

sunshinehoe: Oh, well I won't bother you then.

bonsaicop: no no no what's up?

sunshinehoe: I'm at work, and I think that someone's outside. Waiting for me.

bonsaicop: a threat?

sunshinehoe: Yes. I think.

bonsaicop: be there in five. don't come down, stay away from windows.

sunshinehoe: Okay.

 

--

1:54 AM

sanvers soulmates

bonsaicop: ALEX I KNOW YOURE STILL AT WORK

bonsaicop: BUT I NEED YOU TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW

gaymess: why whats up is it something w kara

bonsaicop: no

bonsaicop: [screenshots.jpg]

gaymess: fuck

gaymess: i'll meet you two blocks away from lcorp

gaymess: national ave

bonsaicop: got it

 

--

6:18 AM

supersquad™

schottjr: holy shit that was so badass alex

purtyboy: why what happened

schottjr: legit there was an alien and it grabbed lena and alex just shot it in the face

purtyboy: wait how did you know that

schottjr: a very legal affair involving the city cctv

schottjr: ANYWAYS

schottjr: is lena ok

gaymess: yeah she'll be ok

gaymess: i sent a guy in w some maggie sawyer vegan fake chicken noodle soup

gaymess: she'll be better in twenty minutes

gaymess: that stuff works wonders

 

--

6:24 AM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: Maggie, she's so pretty.

bonsaicop: not this again

gaymess: pancakes are ready and ur coffee's done

bonsaicop: have i told u i love u yet today

gaymess: no

bonsaicop: well, i love u with the whole wide world honbun

gaymess: <3

gaymess: ma cœur

sunshinehoe: 'Not this again', she says.

bonsaicop: shut up

sunshinehoe: Oh. Okay.

bonsaicop: FUCK i didnt mean it talk all u want

bonsaicop: anyways what were u saying

sunshinehoe: Oh. Yes! She's so pretty.

bonsaicop: alex

gaymess: what

bonsaicop: i thought u said u sent in a guy

gaymess: i did

sunshinehoe: Oh? Well, Kara must have intercepted him on her way in.

gaymess: kara wtf

bonsaicop: really?

sunshinehoe: Your soup is wonderful, Maggie. Thank you.

bonsaicop: always a pleasure

gaymess: aw ur smiling at ur phone

gaymess: your dimples are so cute

gaymess: also we're in the same room why are we texting

bonsaicop: for lena's benefit

sunshinehoe: Suddenly, I am taking my first sick day in five years. Excuse me.

bonsaicop: lmao kara

gaymess: what can i say my sister is persistent

sunshinehoe: Her smile is so pretty. I can't say no to her.

gaymess: what is this a one direction song

 

--

9:34 AM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: she's so GORGEOUS alex

sunshinedanvers: she makes me want to

sunshinedanvers: i dunno

sunshinedanvers: do something really dramatic

gaymess: something really dramatic?

gaymess: spare me

sunshinedanvers: shut up alex

gaymess: okay nerd

sunshinedanvers: wait before you go

sunshinedanvers: the zoo or the amusement park

gaymess: amusement park

gaymess: maybe you can kiss at the top of the ferris wheel

gaymess: and she'll say, 'ah, kara'

gaymess: 'how beautiful you look tonight'

gaymess: 'i have nothing but the utmost desire'

gaymess: 'to kisaiubkhiljolhahvjghbknfjghcfgjhvjbkn

gaymess: did u really text maggie to come slap me

sunshinedanvers: yes

gaymess: fakeass sister

gaymess: good luck on ur date

sunshinedanvers: it's not a date alex!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gaymess: whatever u say lmao

 

--

9:46 AM

lesbihonest

gaymess: im breaking up with you

bonsaicop: [frowny face emoji]

sunshinehoe: WHAT??????

gaymess: lmao nerd it was a joke

sunshinehoe: Oh.

bonsaicop: hows ur date with kara going

sunshinehoe: It's not a date.

bonsaicop: u sure

sunshinehoe: I'm 93.4% sure it's not a date.

bonsaicop: .............

gaymess: ..............

sunshinehoe: 92.4%.

bonsaicop: that's my girl

Chapter Text

3:31 PM

supersquad™

spacedad has entered the chat

sunshinedanvers: hi dad!

spacedad: kara

gaymess: hey dad

spacedad: alex

spacedad: you left your backpack at the deo again.

gaymess: ok i'll get it later

spacedad: kara, mon-el is at the deo again.

sunshinedanvers: ugh not this again

gaymess: monhell keeps asking kara out

spacedad: ...

spacedad: i'll take care of it.

sunshinedanvers: thanks dad!

schottjr: waht is tehre areason j'onn is beatign the livings hit out of monel aagin

schottjr: alkso im runnign as i wriet this exvuse the spellkjg

gaymess: hes being a little bitch again

schottjr: gotcha

 

--

3:49 PM

sanvers soulmates

gaymess: have u seen pam

bonsaicop: pam?

gaymess: yah

gaymess: youre at the deo right

bonsaicop: yes

bonsaicop: idk i think pam's at lcorp

gaymess: why the fuck is she at lcorp

gaymess: isn't she supposed to be handling hr

bonsaicop: something about a long-held 'friendship' with jess the secretary

gaymess: jess the secretary?

bonsaicop: 79% sure they're dating

gaymess: lmao really

bonsaicop: their conversations are flirty as hell

bonsaicop: 'hey, jeeessssss. what can i do for ya today?'

bonsaicop: 'oh, nothing much. just checking up on you.'

bonsaicop: 'well, i'm real good. i know last night sure helped, huh?'

gaymess: are you serious

bonsaicop: 100% authentic overheard conversation

gaymess: ..............

gaymess: is everyone at the deo gay

 

--

3:56 PM

L-Corp

sunshinehoe: Jess?

rainbowjess: yes, ms. luthor?

sunshinehoe: I've been meaning to ask this for a long time...

sunshinehoe: Is there actually anyone else in this chat?

sunshinehoe: I mean, it's called L-Corp, but I've never actually seen anyone else use it.

rainbowjess: yes the entirety of everyone working at l-corp can see it

rainbowjess: and before you ask, that includes everything you've ever said about your crush

sunshinehoe: Everything?

rainbowjess: everything.

sunshinehoe: Everyone?

rainbowjess: everyone.

rainbowjess: say hi guys

scienceguy: hi ms. luthor

sciencegal: hi ms. luthor

itsjustrocketscience: hi ms. luthor

labcoat69: hi ms. luthor

thecoffeeguy: hi ms. luthor

savejess2k17: hi ms. luthor

barackobama: hi ms. luthor

screaminginscience: hi ms. luthor

jantheman: hi ms. luthor

alliehearts: hi ms. luthor

nerdyhot: hi ms. luthor

dyingllama: hi ms. luthor

roseandrosie: hi ms. luthor

thelonglostkardashian: hi ms. luthor

themumfriend: hi ms. luthor

aliceandco: hi ms. luthor

bringmedonuts: hi ms. luthor

gaysforlizards: hi ms. luthor

doctorlady: hi ms. luthor

sciencegal: we just want you to know that we support you no matter what

sciencegal: and we're rooting for you and kara all the way

sunshinehoe: .......

sunshinehoe: Thank you.

 

--

7:23 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: when are you going to tell my sister how u feel about her

bonsaicop: i was planning on tomorrow, do something romantic, propose

gaymess: i wasnt talking to u and u know that fuckhead

bonsaicop: yeah but it's still funny

gaymess: ..anyways

sunshinehoe: About that....

gaymess: did you DO IT

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: When is it going to happen??????

sunshinehoe: How about never?

bonsaicop: jfc you're sassy today

bonsaicop: who pissed on your lawn

gaymess: sawyer what kind of weirdass expression is that

bonsaicop: let me live my life danvers

sunshinehoe: She doesn't feel that way. Not about me, and I'd rather never tell her than lose her forever.

sunshinehoe has left the chat lesbihonest

bonsaicop: i have a sneaking suspicion i know what this is about

bonsaicop: i'm heading over to lcorp now

 

--

7:29 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: alex

sunshinedanvers: alex please it's important

gaymess: what's up

sunshinedanvers: a super emergency came up

sunshinedanvers: i thought i could handle it but it's

sunshinedanvers: lasting really long

sunshinedanvers: lena and i made plans

gaymess: maggie's already at lcorp

sunshinedanvers: ok

gaymess: do you need backup

sunshinedanvers: i think i'll be okay

sunshinedanvers: almost got him

sunshinedanvers: ok

sunshinedanvers: it's under control

gaymess: you're okay?

sunshinedanvers: of course

sunshinedanvers: i just feel really bad

gaymess: hey sis

gaymess: it's not your fault, okay?

sunshinedanvers: i know, i was just looking forward to it

gaymess: maggie says she's got it

gaymess: and that u should probably go apologise tomorrow

sunshinedanvers: i messed up

gaymess:  it's not your fault

gaymess: i'll buy you pizza and we can find what kind of flowers you should bring

sunshinedanvers: okay

gaymess: you could always just kiss her and solve all of your relationship problems in one go

gaymess: no more moping, and then you can kiss her whenever you want

sunshinedanvers: you have a point

gaymess: i know

gaymess: im a genius remember

sunshinedanvers: shut up

sunshinedanvers: be over in five

gaymess: fly safe, kara

sunshinedanvers: i will 

Chapter Text

4:10 PM

supersquad™

schottjr: guess what i have

gaymess: herpes

schottjr: [middle finger emoji]

sunshinedanvers: what?

schottjr's name has been changed to notthrowingawaymyschott

sunshinedanvers: NO

notthrowingawaymyschott: HAMILTON TICKETS BABY

badasslane: are you KIDDING MEA

purtyboy: HOW DD YOU GETE HAMKNJTONJ TIKCMETS????

notthrowingawaymyschott: its a secret

gaymess: lmao who bribed u

notthrowingawaymyschott: shocked and offended

notthrowingawaymyschott: also why arent you more impressed

gaymesslena has a box in the theatre we see it w maggie sometimes

notthrowingawaymyschott: ARE OYU FUCIJK KIEDDING ME

sunshinedanvers: and you have kept this from me?

sunshinehoe: Calm down.

notthrowingawaymyschott: LIKE FKUCJK I XALM DOWWNM

gaymess: its 4:20

notthrowingawaymyschott: BLAZE IT

gaymess: lmao

notthrowingawaymyschott: fuck u alex danvers

gaymess: thats what she said

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

sunshinedanvers: EW

gaymess: [smirky face emoji]

sunshinehoe: On the day Winn goes, I'll take the rest of you to the box.

sunshinedanvers: I LOVE YOU

sunshinehoe: JVHGDBCJK

gaymess: u dropped ur phone didnt you 

sunshinehoe: [annoyed face emoji]

sunshinedanvers: WE'RE GONNA SEE HAMILTON I'M SO EXCITED

notthrowingawaymyschott: you know what this means

 

--

4:26 PM

notthrowingawaymyschott has created a chat: broadway squad

notthrowingawaymyschott has added badasslanepurtyboygaymessspacedadsunshinedanvers, and sunshinehoe

badasslane: ANGELICA

sunshinedanvers:  ELIZA

purtyboy: AND PEGGY

badasslane: THE SCHUYLER SISTERS

gaymess: WORK

sunshinedanvers: ANGELICA NO

badasslane: ANGELICA YES

badasslane: i been reading common sense by thomas paine, some men say that im intense or im insane, you wanna revolution i wanna revelation so listen to my DECLARATION

purtyboy: WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF EVIDENT THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL

badasslane: AND WHEN I MEET TJEFFS

purtyboy: WHAT

badasslane: IMMA COMPEL HIM TO

sunshinedanvers: INCLUDE WOMEN IN THE SEQUEL

notthrowingawaymyschott: WORK

badasslane: and now its time for a REMIX

gaymess: are we gonna have a problem

notthrowingawaymyschott: YES

gaymess: u gotta bone to pick

gaymess: youve come so far

gaymess: why now are you pulLING ON MY DICK

gaymess: id normally slap ur face off

notthrowingawaymyschott: WHAT

gaymess: and everyone here could watch

gaymess: but im feeling nice, heres some advice

gaymess: listen up BIOTCH

sunshinedanvers: duh-dum duh dah duh-dum da duh dum da duh duh da duh DAH

badasslane: I LIKE

gaymess: lookin hot

notthrowingawaymyschott: buyin stuff they cannot

badasslane: I LIKE

gaymess: drinkin hard

gaymess: maxing dad's credit card

spacedad: jesus

purtyboy: I LIKE

gaymess: skippin gym

gaymess: screwing her, scaring him

notthrowingawaymyschott: I LIKE

gaymess: killer clothes

gaymess: kickin NERDS in the NOSE

sunshinedanvers: what time is it

purtyboy: SHOWTIME

sunshinedanvers: showtime, showtime YO

sunshinedanvers: i'm john laurens, and i'm super gay

sunshinedanvers: i'm seeing the love of my life on this very day

sunshinedanvers: his name is

notthrowingawaymyschott: ALEXANDER HAMILTON

sunshinedanvers: and he's bi as heck

sunshinedanvers: i'll never forget the first time we met

badasslane: I WANNA TAKE HIM FAR AWAY FROM THIS PLACE

sunshinedanvers: THEN I TURN AND SEE MY SISTER'S FACE AND SHE IS

gaymess: HELPLESS

sunshinedanvers: AND I KNOOOOOOOOOW SHE IS

gaymess: HELPLESS

sunshinedanvers: and her EYEEEESSS are just

gaymess: HELPLESS

sunshinedanvers: AND I REALIZE

gaymess: THREE FUNDAMENTAL TRUTHS

badasslane: AT THE EXACT SAME TIME

purtyboy: NUMBER ONE

badasslane: i can be beautiful

badasslane: i hope and i PRAAAAAYY

gaymess: life can be beautiful

badasslane: and i swear someday

gaymess: i will be beautiful

gaymess: lets make her beautiful

spacedad: john laurens died fighting slavery, the epitome of bravery. he was a good man. i hope you can continue his legacy.

purtyboy: i have so much work to do.

gaymess: I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON

sunshinehoe: BOOM.

notthrowingawaymyschott: idk about you guys but im winded

notthrowingawaymyschott: this chat has served its purpose

badasslane: to be broadway garbage?

gaymess: ding ding ding got it in one

notthrowingawaymyschott: i'll see you in two weeks at the THEATRE

badasslane: idk bout yall but im flying back for this

sunshinedanvers: we're gonna see hamilton!!!!

Chapter Text

7:00 PM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: Okay, she's here- what do I DO?

gaymess: chill

gaymess: pull her chair out for her

bonsaicop: smile at her you nerd your smile is nice

sunshinehoe: But I already do that whenever I see her.

gaymess: spare me from this garbage

bonsaicop: shut up, you

gaymess: [pouty emoji]

bonsaicop: <3

gaymess: <3

sunshinehoe: She's looking around for me now. What do I do?

gaymess: give her the flowers and do that weird flirty cheek touch

sunshinehoe: The weird flirty cheek touch?

gaymess: y'know. the universally gay one.

sunshinehoe: Got it.

--

7:48 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

gaymess: WHAT

sunshinedanvers: SHE DID THE CHEEK TOUCH

sunshinedanvers: and she looks so PRETTY

sunshinedanvers: and she's been acting super flirty all night

gaymess: like what

sunshinedanvers: when she did the cheek touch

sunshinedanvers: her hand just?

sunshinedanvers: lingered??

sunshinedanvers: and i'm pretty sure she winked at me at least once

sunshinedanvers: and oh she's just coming back from the bathroom

gaymess: update me later u nerd enjoy ur date

sunshinedanvers: ok

 

--

8:40 PM

lesbihonest

bonsaicop: how's the date going

sunshinehoe: So so well. Kara keeps smiling so I think I'm doing well?

bonsaicop: oh honey

bonsaicop: let out that natural charm of yours

bonsaicop: i helped you pick out that dress so use it to your advantage

bonsaicop: also kara's decently oblivious so you can go ahead with the blatant flirting i know you're so fond of

sunshinehoe: So?

bonsaicop: wink at her, make some subtle remark, compliment her, be the sweet soft gay that i see within

sunshinehoe: Okay.

bonsaicop: feel free to make some sex jokes too

sunshinehoe: NO!

bonsaicop: chill i was joking

bonsaicop: though if you'd like to i'm sure kara would appreciate it

bonsaicop: ;)

sunshinehoe: Stop meddling in my love life.

bonsaicop: lmao you wish

 

--

8:52 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: alex she's so PRETTY i can't talk

sunshinedanvers: also i'm p sure she's flirting with me bc she keeps doing this

sunshinedanvers: seductive kind of look

sunshinedanvers: or maybe that's just me

gaymess: or maybe youre fukn OBLIVIOUS AS HELL

sunshinedanvers: ok ok she's coming back text you in a minute she's walking me home

sunshinedanvers: she's so sweet!

gaymess: go be bi

sunshinedanvers: can do

sunshinedanvers: HOLY FREAKING HECK

gaymess: what what what

sunshinedanvers: SHE KISSED ME

gaymess: ACTUALLY

sunshinedanvers: ON THE CHEEK BUT STILL

sunshinedanvers: HER LIPS ARE SO SOFT

sunshinedanvers: SHE SMELLS LIKE JASMINES

gaymess: GAY

gaymess: ALSO COME INTO THE APARTMENT BEFORE YOU START BLABBERING I WANT TO HEAR THIS

 

--

10:54 PM

sanvers soulmates

gaymess: a cheek kiss? LEGENDARY

bonsaicop: so horribly oblivious

bonsaicop: i just heard lena yelling about it for two hours

bonsaicop: and speaking of

bonsaicop: lena told me we should stop meddling in her love life

gaymess: we probably should huh

bonsaicop: are we going to?

gaymess: u kidding? fuck no

gaymess: this is like my prime entertainment ever since you shot our tv

bonsaicop: that was NOT my fault

gaymess: oh yeah u just '''''accidentally''''' pulled the trigger huh

bonsaicop: its not like i would have traded your life for the sake of the tv

bonsaicop: if it had been my soy protein food manufacturing extruder though?

gaymess: shut the hell up sawyer

gaymess: i still havent recovered from the vegan ice cream debacle

bonsaicop: aw babe you know i wouldn't trade you for anything

bonsaicop: i love you

gaymess: ok time for a really short feelings share

gaymess: i'm really in love with you

gaymess: you're one of the best things that's ever happened to me and i'm grateful for you and your dimples because you make my life so much better

gaymess: and i love you so much and when i'm with you i feel like i'm in heaven and you make me feel so loved and i am so grateful to you for everything you've done for me

gaymess: and it's kind of indescribable the way i feel about you but you're so amazing that when you kiss me i feel like i could actually say it

gaymess: i love you so so much and you have changed my life for the better and i want you to always always always be in it

bonsaicop: babe

gaymess: feelings share is over no more no saying anything else lmao gay what feelings? i don't have feelings

gaymess: joking i don't actually care about u that much lmao funny hahaha

bonsaicop: i would text what i'm thinking right now but i want you to hear it

bonsaicop: i'll be there in three

bonsaicop: god i'm so in love with you it's fucking ridiculous

Chapter Text

7:34 PM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: Kara's coming over tonight.

bonsaicop: yep

sunshinehoe: We're having dinner at my apartment.

bonsaicop: yep

sunshinehoe: We're ordering pizza and potstickers.

bonsaicop: yep

sunshinehoe: Then we're going to eat ice cream.

bonsaicop: yep

sunshinehoe: And then I'm going to tell her how I feel about her.

bonsaicop: yep

bonsaicop: WHAT

bonsaicop: I'M SORRY DID I MISREAD SOMETHING

sunshinehoe: No.

sunshinehoe: Here's the thing:

sunshinehoe: Kara has never been anything but kind to me, regardless of whether I deserved it.

bonsaicop: you do, lena

sunshinehoe: Let me finish.

bonsaicop: ok

sunshinehoe: And I believe that should Kara reject me, we would still continue to be friends.

sunshinehoe: Whether or not she feels the same way, I believe that I have kept enough good things from myself.

sunshinehoe: And I think it's time I went after something I really wanted.

sunshinehoe: Not that my feelings for Kara are just 'want', though some portion of my attraction to her may be described as such.

sunshinehoe: But, and God help me, I love her.

sunshinehoe: And I believe that both of us should know and understand that.

bonsaicop: HONEY

bonsaicop: IT'S GONNA BE SO GOOD

bonsaicop: I LOVE YOU AND I KNOW THIS WILL WORK

sunshinehoe: Whatever you say.

bonsaicop: i would say good luck but i don't think you'll need it

bonsaicop: on behalf of lesbians everywhere, give her the best goddamn kiss of her life

sunshinehoe: I will.

sunshinehoe: Hopefully.

 

--

7:47 PM

sanvers soulmates

bonsaicop: deadass that was the gayest thing i've ever read

gaymess: what

bonsaicop: you're in the chat loser

bonsaicop: [screenshots.jpg]

gaymess: that's so gay i can't beLIBJMHNBJKLSVGCFGVJHBKNLKGCHFGX

bonsaicop: I KNOW

gaymess: SHES GONNA TELL HER

gaymess: WHAT

gaymess: O MYGS OID HOKY GAY IN HEAVNE

gaymess: THISJK BETTERS FUCJKN WOKRM OUTE

bonsaicop: I STFG

gaymess: IM SAVINEG THOAT SCEREENSTOH

gaymess: GOOD GAY BABY DAMN

gaymess: GET IT GIRL

gaymess: WAIT THATS MY SISTER

gaymess: caught between rooting hardcore for them or threatening to rip her throat out if she hurts her

gaymess: EITHER WAAY

gaymess: PURE AND GAY I SUPPORT

bonsaicop: this better fucking work out or my matchmaker career ends in shame

gaymess: it's on the lovebirds now

gaymess: GOD IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY

 

--

10:54 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

gaymess: WHATS UP

sunshinedanvers: SHE KISSED ME

gaymess: THIS BETTER HAVE BEEN FOR FUCKN REAL THIS TIME I STG

sunshinedanvers: IT WAS

gaymess: ARE U FUCKING SERIOUS

sunshinedanvers: YES

sunshinedanvers: HER LIPS WERE SO SOFT AND SHE JUST TOUCHED MY CHEEK SO GENTLY

sunshinedanvers: AND I COULD FEEL EVERYTHING ALEX

sunshinedanvers: AND THEN WE LAY ON HER BED

gaymess: ew ew ew ew ew ew

sunshinedanvers: NOT LIKE THAT

sunshinedanvers: BUT WE KISSED SOME MORE AND WE TALKED AND WE KISSED EVEN MORE

sunshinedanvers: AND THEN SHE WENT TO SLEEP AND SHE'S SO PRETTY ALEX

sunshinedanvers: AND SHE MAKES THESE CUTE LITTLE NOISES IN HER SLEEP

gaymess: GAY

sunshinedanvers: I KNOW

sunshinedanvers: I THINK SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND ALEX

gaymess: THIS IS SO GOOD AND PURE

sunshinedanvers: I THINK I MIGHT WANT TO MARRY HER

gaymess: THATS SO CUTE BUT ALSO WEIRD AT THE SAME TIME BUT MOSTLY CUTE

sunshinedanvers: ALEXXX!!!!!!!!

sunshinedanvers: I WANT TO DO CARTWHEELS

sunshinedanvers: I CAN'T STOP SMILING ALEX I'M SO HAPPY GOD I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS GOING TO BURST

gaymess: AAAAA!!

sunshinedanvers: SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD

gaymess: AWWWWW

sunshinedanvers: AND SHE'S TALKING IN HER SLEEP

sunshinedanvers: SHE JUST MADE THIS CUTE SCRUNCHY FACE AND SAID MY NAME AND REACHED FOR ME

sunshinedanvers: AND NOW SHE'S CLINGING TO ME

sunshinedanvers: I GOTTA GO SHE'S WAKING UP

gaymess: IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU KARA

 

--

5:28 PM

supersquad™

gaymess: don't TEST me schott

notthrowingawaymyschott: what

gaymess: ur dumbass keeps leaving ur SHIT on my WORKBENCH

spacedad: i would like to take this moment to inform everyone that alex does not technically have a workbench.

spacedad: also, winn, don't worry about it. she's the most happy she's ever been in her life. she's just being aggressively happy.

gaymess: noah fence dad but that's OFFENSIVE

gaymess: also @winn explain the GODDAMN CIRCUIT ON MY BENCH

gaymess: i almost got my ASS electrocuted and im PISSED

notthrowingawaymyschott: thats pretty funny gotta say

gaymess: i will BREAK YOUR coMPUTER DIPSHIT

notthrowingawaymyschott: ok ok ok ok

notthrowingawaymyschott: jesus did maggie cut u off or what

gaymess: i am twenty steps away from ur ugly ass and im about to make it zero

notthrowingawaymyschott: ok peace

gaymess: bitch u THOUGHT

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

gaymess: IM TRYING TO MURDER SOMEONE IN PEACE

sunshinedanvers: ITS LENA

gaymess: im coming

 

--

5:36 PM

sanvers soulmates

bonsaicop: babe what are you doing

bonsaicop: where are you going

gaymess: my sister never forgets apostrophes

gaymess: ever

gaymess: this has gotta be something bad

bonsaicop: you want backup

gaymess: ill call u if i do

bonsaicop: be safe honbun

 

--

5:39 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: ALEX SHES NOT BREATHING

sunshinedanvers: WHAT DO I DO

sunshinedanvers: I CANT LOSE HER

sunshinedanvers: NOT NOW

sunshinedanvers: NOT AFTER THIS

gaymess: itll be okay

gaymess: theyll give her cpr and shock her heart back into beating

sunshinedanvers: ALEX I CANT FEEL HER HEARTBEAT I CANT HEAR IT

sunshinedanvers: ALEX DO SOMETHING

sunshinedanvers: PLEASE

sunshinedanvers: NOT HER TOO

gaymess: i'm here

gaymess: i've got you

 

--

1:19 AM

sanvers soulmates

bonsaicop: how are they?

gaymess: lena's breathing well

gaymess: her vitals are steady

gaymess: the bullet punctured a lung and her aorta was damaged

gaymess: but she'll be okay

bonsaicop: and kara?

gaymess: curled up by the side of lena's bed

gaymess: god maggie she looks so fucking wrecked

gaymess: she's a mess

gaymess: god i'm a mess

gaymess: i didn't know i cared about her that much

bonsaicop: do you want me to come to the hospital?

gaymess: yes please

bonsaicop: ok

Chapter Text

7:23 AM

sanvers soulmates

bonsaicop: hi honbun

gaymess: hey

bonsaicop: how are you holding up?

gaymess: i'm okay

bonsaicop: get some sleep, okay?

gaymess: sure

bonsaicop: how's kara?

gaymess: she's okay, i think

gaymess: she fell asleep around five

gaymess: lena's better

bonsaicop: what happened?

gaymess: he was maxwell lord's bodyguard, and he snuck in a pistol through lord's briefcase

gaymess: he fired from twenty feet away

gaymess: a direct hit, at an angle between her shoulderblades

gaymess: puncturing her left lung and parts of her heart

gaymess: it was a low-profile gala, and the guards were careless

gaymess: kara was in the press section

gaymess: she took the second bullet

gaymess: the footage is kind of grainy but i can always tell

gaymess: i haven't seen her so angry in a long time

gaymess: god maggie she almost snapped his neck

gaymess: she looked like she wanted to, too

bonsaicop: baby

gaymess: and she wanWAIT

bonsaicop: WHY WHAT

gaymess: LENAS WAKING UP

bonsaicop: OH MY GOD

gaymess: SHE LOOKS GOOD

gaymess: KARAS CRYING AGAIN

gaymess: SHE AND KARA ARE HAVING A MOMENT

bonsaicop: GOOD GOOD GOOD

gaymess: [awwwww.jpg]

gaymess: ok theyre kissing grossly everythings okay

gaymess: kara just said some 'i will never let that happen again' gay shit

gaymess: fuck mags im so happy shes fine

bonsaicop: me too

 

--

7:34 AM

lesbihonest

bonsaicop: baby luthor how're you holding up?

sunshinehoe: I'm good!

sunshinehoe: It hurts a bit but the surgery went well.

sunshinehoe: And I had a really good idea for a bulletproof vest!

sunshinehoe: I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow.

bonsaicop: HOLD UP BINCH

gaymess: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY

bonsaicop: GOING TO WORK?!?!?!!?!?!

gaymess: UR GAY ASS JUST GOT SHOT IM NOT LETTING U PULL A LEXA ON US

sunshinehoe: A... Lexa? What's that?

gaymess: ............

bonsaicop: ............

bonsaicop: i guess i know what we're doing tomorrow

gaymess: deadass ur the fakest lesbian ive ever seen

gaymess: caNNOT BELieve THAT UVE NEveR HEarD oF LEXA

gaymess: have u seen imagine me and you

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: debs?

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: the handmaiden?

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: fingersmith?

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: mystere a la tour eiffel

gaymess: that ones pretentious and french and louise is gay as hell

sunshinehoe: Haven't seen it.

gaymess: i cant think straight

gaymess: u have to have seen this one this was baby gay holy land

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: OK SWEATY GUESS WHAT WERE DOING TOMORROW

gaymess: KARAS COMING OVER AND WERE WATCHING ALL OF THESE

gaymess: AND U TWO CAN MAKEOUT ON THE COUCH

gaymess: AND U WILL GET A LESDUCATION EVEN IF I HAVE TO MURDER SOMEONE

sunshinehoe: Lesducation?

gaymess: lesbian education u gay nerd

bonsaicop: that's not a word

gaymess: shh

gaymess: anyway maggie are u going to be awake at 8

bonsaicop: no lmao

gaymess: let me rephrase

gaymess: i am dragging u out of bed at 8 am

gaymess: lena gets up at like 4 so thatll be good

gaymess: imma go out on a limb and say that u n kara are sharing a bed

sunshinehoe: ASDGJBJHBGJF

bonsaicop: dropped ur phone huh?

sunshinehoe: No.

gaymess: liar liar pants on fire

bonsaicop: alex you're not twelve

gaymess: yah im twelve and a half 

bonsaicop: can't believe i'm dating you

gaymess: you love me

bonsaicop: i do

sunshinehoe: Gay.

gaymess: um?? honey???? have u seen urself?? ever????

sunshinehoe: [eyeroll emoji]

 

--

10:23 AM

supersquad™

notthrowingawaymyschott: when things are bad

notthrowingawaymyschott: and skies are grey

notthrowingawaymyschott: she'll be here

notthrowingawaymyschott: to save the day

purtyboy: duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh DAH

notthrowingawaymyschott: SUPERGAY!!!

sunshinedanvers: winn i'm bi

notthrowingawaymyschott: fuck ok

notthrowingawaymyschott: whats that there

notthrowingawaymyschott: high in the sky

notthrowingawaymyschott: who else could it be

notthrowingawaymyschott: but

notthrowingawaymyschott: SUPERBI

gaymess: doesnt have the same ring to it does it

notthrowingawaymyschott: slightly disappointed

badasslane: its ok sounds good

badasslane: also i heard lena got shot how's she doing

gaymess: gay and perky as ever

gaymess: also she and kara are having lunch in the middle of the fucking deo

gaymess: like literally

notthrowingawaymyschott: i can confirm

notthrowingawaymyschott: [inconvenientpicnic.jpg]

badasslane: lmao look at those hearteyes

gaymess: i?? have to deal?? with this??? every? single?? day???

gaymess: nah jk im happy for them

gaymess: speaking of

gaymess: i have yet to give baby luthor the most terrifying shovel talk of her ENTIRE LIFE

badasslane: wait

badasslane: has lena dated girls before?

gayassroulette has forcibly entered the chat

gayassroulette: um???? yes?????????

gaymess: can people stop doing this to our chat pls

gayassroulette: tbh supergirl is a step down from ME

sunshinedanvers: lena's dating me not supergirl

gayassroulette: cut the shit buddy

gayassroulette: everyone in national city knows

sunshinedanvers: everyone?

gayassroulette: even lena's secretary knows

sunshinedanvers: yeah but jess knows everything

gayassroulette: fair point

gayassroulette: shes pretty cute actually

gaymess: shes also dating pam from hr

gaymess: so fuck u roulette

gaymess: also

gaymess: roulette????

gaymess: what kinda fuckass name is that

gayassroulette: its COOL you bleached asshole of a fifty-year-old glee club member

gaymess: did you just

gaymess: call me

gaymess: a

gaymess: fifty-year-old

gaymess: bleached

gaymess: asshole

gayassroulette: u bet i did

gaymess: thats pretty good actually

gaymess: for someone who dresses like a less fashionable effie trinket and looks like a cross between foggy nelson and a badger

gayassroulette: and thus, a friendship was formed

gaymess: its the mutual gay and the insults i think

gayassroulette: nice to meet u bitchface

gaymess: nice to meet u too fuckwad

badasslane: this is... surprisingly civil

gayassroulette: oh hey

gayassroulette: ur the gayer version of lois lane right

badasslane: ...............

badasslane: nice to meet you too roulette

badasslane: how's your day been going?

notthrowingawaymyschott: and so roulette was assimilated into the friendgroup

sunshinedanvers: i can't believe everyone knows i'm supergirl

gayassroulette: oh honey

gayassroulette: don't worry about it

gayassroulette: and by the way?

gayassroulette: after me, lena's standards are way too high

gayassroulette: no one in national city is better than me in bed

gaymess: hoo boy you wanna bet

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

sunshinedanvers: DO NOT SLEEP WITH ROULETTE TO PROVE A POINT

gaymess: jfc im in a monogamous relationship kara

gayassroulette: impressed that u can spell monogamous

gaymess: [middle finger emoji]

gaymess: let me invite u into the chat so u dont have to break in every time

gayassroulette: its part of the thrill

gaymess: ur just like lucy diamond

gayassroulette: I AM LUCY

gayassroulette: except i have yet to find my amy

gaymess: cant believe we just made a debs reference

gaymess: god we are so gay

gayassroulette: #blessed

Chapter Text

7:10 AM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS

gaymess: WHAT

sunshinedanvers: MOTHERS DAY!!!!!

sunshinedanvers has invited supermom to the chat

gaymess: shes not awake yet

gaymess: WE LOVE YOU MOM

sunshinedanvers: COME OVER AT SEVEN FOR DINNER AND PRESENTS AND WATCHING IMAGINE ME AND YOU

sunshinedanvers: YOU'RE THE BEST MOM EVER

gaymess: also right now were lesducating lena so feel free to show up anytime

gaymess: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

 

--

7:39 AM

gaymess has created a chat: lena's lesducation

gaymess has added sunshinehoesunshinedanvers, and bonsaicop

gaymess: wakey wakey bitches

sunshinehoe: Good morning, Alex.

gaymess: and a top of the morning to u too baby luthor

sunshinedanvers: hi alex

gaymess: whats up sis how was that bank robbery

sunshinedanvers: it was fine

sunshinedanvers: i mean, i really enjoyed reporting on it being stopped! haha

sunshinehoe: Kara.

sunshinedanvers: what? hahaha

sunshinehoe: I know.

sunshinedanvers: know what? hahahahaha

sunshinehoe: The glasses don't really hide it, sweetheart.

sunshinehoe: Though the cape is certainly a nice touch.

gaymess: kara? what do u have to say for yourself

sunshinedanvers: i didn't tell her alex! i swear

gaymess: god pam is gonna fuckn murder me

sunshinehoe: Pam?

gaymess: yknow, pam. from hr.

gaymess: deadass she just went on vacation and then u went and got outed again

gaymess: j'onns gonna tear u a new one lmao

sunshinedanvers: oh no

gaymess: oh yes

gayassroulette has forcibly entered the chat

gaymess: really?

gayassroulette: i just saw the words 'lena's lesducation'

gayassroulette: cannot believe i was not invited so im issuing myself an invitation

gaymess: fuck off u ugly beaver

gayassroulette: that was weak

gaymess: its early bitch and im only on my second cup of coffee

sunshinedanvers: hi roulette

gayassroulette: its the small happy version of supergirl

sunshinedanvers: WHAT

gayassroulette: i already told u

gayassroulette: everyone knows

sunshinehoe: Veronica?

gaymess: ur name is VERONICA

gaymess: thats so gay lmao

gayassroulette: how is my name gay

gaymess: a history of homosexuality

gaymess: see: veronica sawyer (heathers), veronica lodge (riverdale), veronica my bff in elementary school (definitely gay i saw the way she looked at diane)

gaymess: there are more but its early

gayassroulette: also my names not veronica its roulette

gaymess: no parent would be like 'hey lets name our kid after a game in which someone gets their head blown off hurr hurr arent we intelligent'

gaymess: was it a nickname? was ur dad like 'roulette, honey, stop beating the shit out of ur classmates pls'

gayassroulette: i didnt have a dad

gaymess: u have a mom?

gayassroulette: yeah

gaymess: single? gay?

gayassroulette: both

gaymess: nice

gayassroulette: u two would probably get along well

gayassroulette: shes the one who taught me how to fight

gaymess: cool

sunshinedanvers: not to interrupt this moment of bonding, but we're here

gaymess: jfc u snotty brat when did u get so sassy

gayassroulette: anyways im climbing ur apartment building right now in five-inch heels and a dress and typing with one hand

gaymess: whats up with ruthless assassins (or whatever the fuck u do for a living) not being able to use a fucking DOOR

gayassroulette: oh sweaty

gayassroulette: im currently in the top ten most wanted bitches in the world

gayassroulette: and idk bout u but cctv? that ugly footage aint gonna make me look as stunning as i am

gaymess: i respect that

gayassroulette: thought u would

gayassroulette: lil super

sunshinedanvers: yes?

gayassroulette: my mom lives in kansas can u pick her up

sunshinedanvers: where in kansas?

gayassroulette: the state has like two buildings max

gayassroulette: she lives in a giant house in a cornfield

sunshinedanvers: as do half of the people in kansas

sunshinehoe: I know where she lives. I'll come with you.

 

--

7:52 AM

lesbihonest

gaymess: you know where roulette lives???

sunshinehoe: Veronica and I were best friends even before we were lovers.

sunshinehoe: Her mother's house was my safe haven, of sorts.

gaymess: why did u two break up then

sunshinehoe: It was after Lex, and it was mutual.

sunshinehoe: We decided that it would be emotionally unhealthy for me to have to focus on a relationship, and for her to have to deal with it.

sunshinehoe: Still, I consider her my best friend.

sunshinehoe: And her mom sends me cookies for every holiday. As a matter of fact, I fly out every year to celebrate Hanukkah with them.

gaymess: thats sweet

sunshinehoe: They are.

sunshinehoe: And her mom's made brownies!!!

sunshinehoe: Hold up; we're flying back now.

gaymess: gotcha

gaymess: fly safe

 

--

7:59 AM

sanvers soulmates

gaymess: ALRIGHT SAWYER IM COMING IN

gaymess: UR ASS BETTER BE UP SOON

gaymess: were giving lena a LESDUCATION

gaymess: ROULETTE AND HER MOM ARE COMING OVER

bonsaicop: ....

bonsaicop: what

gaymess: idk

gaymess: imagine me and you or i cant think straight

bonsaicop: the eiffel one

bonsaicop: then imay

bonsaicop: then icts

gaymess: got it

gaymess: ur coffees ready babe

bonsaicop: i love you

gaymess: love u too

 

--

8:21 AM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: roulette's mom is super super nice actually

purtyboy: roulette

purtyboy: as in

purtyboy: the fight club

sunshinedanvers: yep

badasslane: are you serious

sunshinedanvers: yeah

sunshinedanvers: alex is forcing us to watch all of the lesbian movies she can find

badasslane: ooh have you seen debs yet

sunshinedanvers: not yet no

badasslane: do u have the dvd

sunshinedanvers: no i think roulette's mom broke it climbing through the window

badasslane: ok i will rectify this

badasslane: come pick me up lil danvers

badasslane: i have a dvd signed by jordana brewster and sara foster

gaymess: NO SHIT?!?!?

gayassroulette: ARE U SERIOSUHJBK

badasslane: yep

sunshinedanvers: omw

 

--

10:41 AM

lesbihonest

gaymess: god ive forgotten how gay debs was

bonsaicop: those were some pure times

gaymess: i feel so old

sunshinehoe: It certainly was enjoyable.

sunshinehoe: I liked Lucy.

gaymess: dont we all, baby luthor

sunshinehoe: Why do you call me that?

gaymess: baby luthor?

sunshinehoe: Yes.

gaymess: cause ur a luthor and ur smol

sunshinehoe: But the negative connotations imply- well, you know.

gaymess: dude its just a surname yknow?

gaymess: itd be like if ur last name was johnson

gaymess: except 'baby johnson' sounds fuckn weird

bonsaicop: what alex is saying

bonsaicop: is that for us, your name isn't a negative thing

bonsaicop: like obviously your family's done some pretty shitty stuff

bonsaicop: but we don't think that applies to you

bonsaicop: and being a luthor, y'know, it can be a good thing, maybe

bonsaicop: but either way we love you

bonsaicop: and if you feel uncomfortable with the nickname, we can stop, sweetheart

sunshinehoe: Okay.

sunshinehoe: I think I might like it. A little bit.

bonsaicop: okay, baby luthor

gaymess: ok feelings share over were watching i can't think straight

gaymess: kara's laser visioning some popcorn right now

sunshinehoe: Okay! I'll be right there.

gaymess: get ready for GAY

Chapter Text

10:13 AM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: i kinda wanna find lena in her office

sunshinedanvers: walk in there and press her up against that desk

sunshinedanvers: and kiss her real nice

sunshinedanvers: work her up until shes beggin for it

sunshinedanvers: and then walk on right out

sunshinedanvers: even knowin i'll pay for it later

notthrowingawaymyschott: ...............

mxythefabulous: ................

purtyboy: .................

badasslane: ...............

barackobama: ...............

sunshinehoe: SHFJKL:JHGV

gaymess: sara lance

gaymess: give my baby sister her phone back

sunshinedanvers: damn

sunshinedanvers: yall aint no fun

bibibi has entered the chat

bibibi: whats up yall

gaymess: hey lance

sunshinedanvers: hi, sara!

bibibi: see someone appreciates me

bibibi: thanks babe

gaymess: last time you were here you tried to date my sister

gaymess: and me

gaymess: and lucy

bibibi: aw let me up girl i just love women

gaymess: still mad at you but relatable

bibibi: oh bi the way i brought a guest

bibibi: when we traveled to this dimension

bibibi: meet my gf

bibibi has dragged Nyssa.AlGhul into the chat

bibibi: this is nyssa and shes rlly loud during sex and i love her

Nyssa.AlGhul: .............

Nyssa.AlGhul has left the chat

bibibi has dragged Nyssa.alGhul back into the chat

bibibi: aw babe dont be like that

Nyssa.alGhul: Hello, everyone.

gaymess: WHOA

gaymess: lena luthor hath met her kin

sunshinehoe: Hello. I'm Kara's girlfriend, Lena Luthor.

Nyssa.alGhul: It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Sara's girlfriend, Nyssa al Ghul, daughter of Ra's.

purtyboy: we just doubled the amount of stick-up-an-ass in the chat i'm so proud

bibibi: hm ur right

bibibi has changed Nyssa.alGhul's name to babygayassassin

babygayassassin: I will not tolerate this.

sunshinehoe: This is what happened to me, Nyssa.

babygayassassin: I'm changing it back.

bibibi has changed restrictions on babygayassassin

babygayassassin: NO!

notthrowingawaymyschott: welcome to the supersquad™

badasslane: we have cookies and HAMILTON TICKETS

bibibi: NO SHIT

sunshinehoe: That's right. I have a box in the theatre. If you'd like to join us tomorrow night...?

bibibi: YES BABE IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO MAKE OUT TO A LIVE PERFORMANCE OF SAY NO TO THIS

babygayassassin: No.

bibibi: i'll convince u dont worry bout it

gaymess: how long are u guys in town

bibibi: eh

bibibi: a few days

bibibi: however long it takes for laurel to find me i guess

gaymess: you know who you would love

bibibi: who

gaymess: ROULETTE

sunshinedanvers: i can actually see them becoming friends.

sunshinedanvers: lena knows where she is, i think. i'm pretty sure we can call her in.

purtyboy: speaking of where did lena go

badasslane: probably still in shock from dirty!kara

gaymess: thats my SISTER ur talking about lane

bibibi: oh hey

bibibi: lucy, right

badasslane: thats me

bibibi: ur attractive

badasslane: thanks

bibibi: im sorry i have a girlfriend

gaymess: lance stop being an asshat

gaymess: also stop trying to call me i get it im coming to pick you up

bibibi: do i get to ride on ur motorcycle tonight

gaymess: ............

gaymess: how did u make that sound sexual

bibibi: its a talent

gaymess: i stg

gaymess: im coming now

bibibi: thats what she said

gaymess: i will BLOCK YOU

bibibi: ;)

sunshinedanvers: *long-suffering sigh*

gaymess: GOD HELP ME LANCE I WILL THROW YOU OFF THIS MOTORCYCLE

gaymess: IF YOU DONT STOP GROPING ME

bibibi: just lookin for a place to hold on

bibibi: n you have nice abs

babygayassassin: I'm... right here?

gaymess: um WHERE

babygayassassin: I'm crouching on the back of the motorcycle.

gaymess: thats DANGEROUS IDIOT

bibibi: shes good she knows how to hold on during a rough night

bibibi: know what im sayin

badasslane: jfc stop w the innuendoes

badasslane: actually maggie would probs appreciate them

bibibi: whos that

badasslane: alex's gf

badasslane: lesbian, short, lesbian, likes bonsai trees, lesbian

badasslane: did i mention she was gay yet

badasslane: i think shes in this chat???

purtyboy: WINN

notthrowingawaymyschott: WHAT

purtyboy: HOW DID YOU FORGET TO INVITE MAGGIE

notthrowingawaymyschott: FUCK

sunshinedanvers: LANGUAGE

bonsaicop has entered the chat

bonsaicop: finally

bonsaicop: also is this chat named supersquad bc karas supergirl

sunshinedanvers: i'm aware that everyone knows you can stop rubbing it in

bonsaicop: ok honey

bibibi: hi im sara lance im fucking nyssa

babygayassassin: Can you not?

babygayassassin: Also, I'm Nyssa.

bonsaicop: so i gathered

bonsaicop: what can i do for your sorry asses today

bonsaicop: sorry i've been working a shift since 2 am FUCK ME goddamn

gaymess: aw babe i'll drop beauty and the beast off at our place and come bring you some danishes

bonsaicop: i love you

bibibi: wait whos who in the beauty and the beast

gaymess: ur the beast lance

bibibi: WHAT

gaymess: ur a demon on a boob rampage

bibibi: ....

bibibi's name has been changed to boobrampager

babygayassassin: Okay, we're here. I'm leaving.

boobrampager: come back safe babe

 

--

8:24 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: so nyssa came back eleven hours later with a dead cobra and pizza

sunshinehoe: ....

sunshinehoe: I'm going to need you to repeat that.

gaymess: four pizza boxes

gaymess: and a dead venomous snake

bonsaicop: are you serious

bonsaicop: i went to the bathroom for five minutes

gaymess: SHES EATING PIZZA WITH A FORK AND KNIFE

bonsaicop: WHA

bonsaicop: SHOW ME

gaymess: [whatjbhsfjiotheFUJKC.jpg]

sunshinehoe: That's odd.

sunshinehoe: Even I don't do that.

gaymess: jfc sara just licked pizza sauce off her own shoulder

bonsaicop: wow i guess opposites do attract

gaymess: why are all the people we know so weird

bonsaicop: idk babe

bonsaicop: be there in a moment

bonsaicop: you coming baby luthor

sunshinehoe: Give me five minutes.

sunshinehoe: I want to see this for myself.

Chapter Text

8:57 AM

supersquad™

gaymess: I CANNOT BELIEVE

gaymess: LENA GAYASS LUTHOR

gaymess: (and winn but lmao whatever)

gaymess: YEETED

gaymess: MONHELL

gaymess: INTO THE STRATOSPHERE

bonsaicop: LIVING

bonsaicop: GOD BLESS AND PRAISE

bonsaicop: BABY LUTHOR

bonsaicop: DOING THE LORD'S WORK

sunshinehoe: Did you just send me-

sunshinehoe: Seventeen bouquets of flowers-

sunshinehoe: Reading, in exact order, 'Congrats On The Yeet'?

spacedad: that was me

spacedad: thank you for your contribution to the well-being of our society

gaymess: DAD OMG

badasslane: SO PROUD OF U BABY LUTHOR I SEND MY REGARDS

gaymess: also we found the footage of you elbowing a lady in the face and also running in high heels

gaymess: noah fence luthor

gaymess: but u look fucking stupid when you run

sunshinedanvers: i have to say, i kind of agree with my sister.

sunshinedanvers: i love you, though!

sunshinehoe: No offence taken.

sunshinehoe: And babe, it's hard when you have big boobs.

gaymess: KEYBOAERDFUJCKNSMADSH DIDJN LUTHOE BABYB KLUTHR ACTUAKLL ASEXT

gaymess: IM LINVJG

gaymess: ALSO I THINK U BROKE MY SISTER SHES JUST STARING AT HER PHONE IN SILENCE AND LOOKING LIKE SHE GOT SLAPPED LMAO

bonsaicop: anyways kara what are your opinions on the matter of yeeting

sunshinedanvers: ...

sunshinedanvers: i thought it was hot.

sunshinehoe: ASFGKJHLKHJJGH

gaymess: the traditional lena luthor keyboard smash wow i'm so proud we've come so far

sunshinedanvers: while i don't approve of violence, i am glad that i finally get to be happy

gayassroulette: 'dont approve of violence' sweaty u punch people for a living

sunshinedanvers: for a cause and that is a moot point

sunshinedanvers: still, i enjoyed finding out that lena has biceps.

gayassroulette: honey

gayassroulette: i saw her do thirty pullups once without breaking a sweat and my heart never quite recovered

gaymess: NO

gaymess: TINY BABY LUTHOR CAN DO THIRTY PULLUPS

gayassroulette: yes u stanky rainbow diaper

gaymess: ACTUALLY

sunshinehoe: I do have a private gym installed in my office.

sunshinehoe: By private, I mean that occasionally my coworkers will come in and work off their frustration.

gayassroulette: do u and smol super have a bed installed in ur office

gayassroulette: to work off your frustration

gaymess: WATCH IT

gaymess: THATS MY BABY SISTER AND CONSENT IS IMPORTANT U GAY FUCKS

gaymess: ALSO NO PUBLIC NUDITY

gaymess: AND NO TALKING EVER EVER EVER ABOUT MY SISTER EVER EVER NO SEX TALK

gaymess: IF U NEED THAT BABY LUTHOR U GO TO MAGGIE IS THAT CLEAR GOOD IM GLAD WEVE ESTABLISHED THE BOUNDARIES

sunshinedanvers: ok

gaymess: not you

gaymess: you talk to me whenever you feel comfortable and i'll tease the shit of you but also be super supportive

gayassroulette: aw

gaymess: fuck off u ugly pineapple we were having a MOMENT

notthrowingawaymyschott: WAIT LENA WHAT HAPPENED TO UR FOOT

gaymess: WJT THE FUCK

gaymess: YOU MANAGED TO GET URSELF INJURED AGAIN

sunshinedanvers: LENA

sunshinehoe: It's fine. I was running after drinking several glasses of wine.

gaymess: clumsy gay geniuses

gaymess: yall are all the same jfc

sunshinehoe: Who's the basis for comparison?

gaymess: um jemma simmons duh

purtyboy: um she's not gay

gaymess: GASP

gayassroulette: PURGE PURGE PURGE

gayassroulette: THAT IS NOT A SENTENCE ALLOWED IN THIS CHAT YOU HIDEOUS HETEROSEXUAL FUCK

gaymess: also i see the way she looks at skye

gaymess: GAY

sunshinehoe: Who's Skye?

gaymess: WE FORGOT TO LESDUCATE YOU ON THAT DAMMIT

gaymess: COME OVER NOW MAGGIE ORDER PIZZA WHERE ARE U

bonsaicop: i'm calling them right now

gaymess: everyone is invited with the exception of james for daring to suggest that jemma 'gay nerd' simmons

gaymess: is not the FLAMBOYANTLY RAINBOW CLUMSY NERD

gaymess: that has manifested herself in this universe as lena luthor

gaymess: who, if i may mention,

gaymess: yeeted a fuckboi out of the atmosphere so its TIME TO CELEBRATE

sunshinehoe: ...See you in five.

 

--

9:10 AM

L-Corp

rainbowjess: congratulations, ms. luthor

rainbowjess: kara told me about the yeeting

rainbowjess: also, the bouquets were very nice and i have sent pam your regards as they were her idea

rainbowjess: i believe j'onn purchased them

sunshinehoe: Thank you, Jess.

rainbowjess: also when are you proposing because kara makes KILLER pancakes

sunshinehoe: Does she?

barackobama: she really does

sciencegal: she's set up an enormous griddle in the labs and has the scientists flipping pancakes while she makes the batter

scienceguy: she took a look at us and said 'oh you poor things, doing such wonderful things without any food' and then whipped out a 20-foot griddle and seventeen bags of flour

sciencegal: you should come down and see

sciencegal: her apron really leaves very little to the imagination

scienceguy: KATHY

sciencegal: just pointing it out

roseandrosie: shes so cute

roseandrosie: we're considering stealing her

scienceguy: kathy's now researching a way to bottle smiles

sciencegal: kara has flour on her nose and my heart

sciencegal: it suffers from the weight of such unearthly joy

roseandrosie: where's the 10/10 would bang but also 10/10 would care for you meme we need it

rainbowjess: also friendly disclosure but we all hate mike

rainbowjess: so thank you for doing the world a favor

sunshinehoe: My pleasure.

sunshinehoe: Also, Chris, would you mind taking a few pictures while I'm on my way down?

scienceguy: absolutely, ms. luthor

 

--

2:43 AM

supersquad™

gaymess: YEET

Chapter Text

1:34 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

gaymess: LILLIAN KNOWS

sunshinedanvers: LILLIAN KNOWS??????????????

gaymess: SHE KNOWS

sunshinedanvers: wait

sunshinedanvers: knows about what?

gaymess: YOU AND BABY LUTHOR AND ALSO SUPERGIRL

sunshinedanvers: WHAT?

gaymess: SHE WALKED INTO THE DEO AND GRABBED AN NDA OFF PAM'S DESK

gaymess: AND THEN SHE LOOKED AT ME

gaymess: I STG HER EYES ARE LIKE THE COLD ARMPITS OF HELL

sunshinedanvers: I KNOW RIGHT?

gaymess: ANYWAYS I DIGRESS SHE WAS LIKE

gaymess: 'UR SISTER HAPPENS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER AND'

gaymess: 'OUR FAMILIES HAVE QUITE A NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP BUT THAT MAY HAVE TO CHANGE'

gaymess: and i was like

gaymess: [cavemanspongebobmeme.jpg]

gaymess: pam looked so p i s s e d

gaymess: can u stop outing urself to luthors pls

sunshinedanvers: i plead innocence

sunshinedanvers: i didn't tell her i swear to rao alex

gaymess: [surejan.jpg]

sunshinedanvers: okay so maybe she walked in on us kissing in lena's office

sunshinedanvers: but that's unimportant HAHA

gaymess: kaRA ZOR-EL DANVERS YOU WILL ANSWER TO THIS

gaymess: WERE YOU IN THE SUIT

sunshinedanvers: ........

gaymess: KARA

sunshinedanvers: I'M SORRY ALEX

sunshinedanvers: [puppyeyes.jpg]

gaymess: THAT DOES NOT WORK OVER TEXT

sunshinedanvers: [doublepuppyeyes.jpg]

gaymess: .....

gaymess: ok maybe it works a little

sunshinedanvers: :)

gaymess: stop preening it was mostly lena

gaymess: ALSO YOU LEFT THIRTY MINUTES AGO I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE STOPPING ROBBERIES

sunshinedanvers: it's pretty quiet so i went to find my girlfriend

gaymess: youre smiling grossly i might not have x-ray vision but i can tell

sunshinedanvers: SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND ALEX

sunshinedanvers: LENA LUTHOR

sunshinedanvers: MY GIRLFRIEND

sunshinedanvers: I'M SO HAPPY

gaymess: AW SIS IM PROUD OF YOU

gaymess: AND UR SUPER GAME

sunshinedanvers: ......

sunshinedanvers: that was bad

gaymess: yeah i know whatever

gaymess: hey about game night

sunshinedanvers: yes?

sunshinedanvers: you're coming, right?

gaymess: I HAVEN'T MISSED GAME NIGHT IN FOREVER AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO NOW

sunshinedanvers: then what is it?

gaymess: is lena coming

sunshinedanvers: Yes; I will be there.

gaymess: sick give my sis her phone back

sunshinedanvers: Okay. See you, Alex.

gaymess: see you nerd

sunshinedanvers: okay alex potstickers or pizza

sunshinedanvers: lena gave me her credit card so now i'm going through the city

gaymess: max lena's credit card by buying a potsticker shop chain

sunshinedanvers: that wouldn't even come close to maxing her credit card

gaymess: u right

gaymess: buy the entire disney franchise too

gaymess: forge lenas signature and merge disney with l-corp

sunshinedanvers: ok she's coming with me

sunshinedanvers: and i'm pretty sure that's illegal

gaymess: that's okay lena will forgive you she loves you

sunshinedanvers: yeah but i love her too so obviously i wouldn't betray her trust like that

gaymess: ok feelings talk ten seconds

gaymess: you love her?

sunshinedanvers: yes.

gaymess: and she loves you.

sunshinedanvers: i think so.

gaymess: lit.

 

--

6:12 PM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: half baked or fudge brownie

gaymess: both

sunshinedanvers: how much

gaymess: jfc as if u need to ask

sunshinehoe: I think Kara just picked up twenty pints. Of each.

purtyboy: that's kara for u lmao

gayassroulette: i still havent forgiven you for saying jemma simmons was straight but i might if you bring pizza

gayassroulette: and also if you take it back and run a catco opinion piece about how skimmons is real

purtyboy: why would i do that why would i care abt ur forgiveness

sunshinedanvers: because jemma simmons is important to us and i will not buy you ice cream ever again

sunshinedanvers: and also i will complain to cat about you she loves skimmons

purtyboy: FUCK

purtyboy: fine jfc what kind of pizza

gayassroulette: pineapple

purtyboy: .....................

purtyboy: they're out.

gayassroulette: YOU LYING BASTARD

gayassroulette: fine just get me pesto chicken DAMN

sunshinedanvers: we bought the ice cream

sunshinehoe: We're coming back now with two shopping carts of ice cream.

gaymess: two

sunshinehoe: Kara got carried away and then flashed her best puppy eyes and the people let us take them on the condition that we bring them back later.

gaymess: lmao sis

sunshinedanvers: [twoshoppingcarts.jpg]

sunshinedanvers: [bestgirlfriendever.jpg]

sunshinedanvers: [mygfisprettierthanyours.jpg]

purtyboy: gross

gayassroulette: this is like making out in text form jfc

gayassroulette: its disgusting

gaymess: you know it's bad when you gotta agree with the morally objectionable ugly pineapple

gayassroulette: whatever

sunshinedanvers: [she'stoobeautiful.jpg]

gaymess: kara i will block you

sunshinedanvers: [tryme.jpg]

sunshinedanvers: i kicked kal's butt once i can kick yours

gaymess: honey i will flip you into earth-5

gaymess: also where are you with that ice cream

sunshinedanvers: we're in the elevator

gaymess: ok be sure not to drop anHOLY SHIT

sunshinedanvers: what? what happened?

gaymess: its nothing roulette just fuckn baCKFLIPPED THROUGH OUR WINDOW

sunshinehoe: It's a frequent occurrence. Don't worry about it.

sunshinedanvers: we're here

gaymess: sick ill let u in

purtyboy: ok im here

gayassroulette: what's the password

purtyboy: what

gaymess: ill give you a hint it starts with jemma

purtyboy: jemma simmons?

gaymess: close

purtyboy: oh

purtyboy: jemma simmons is gay

gaymess: awesome

gaymess: door's unlocked

purtyboy: oh fuck you alex danvers

gaymess: [howdoesitfeeltobealoser.jpg]

 

--

8:19 PM

sunshinehoe has created a new chat: boarding school buddies

sunshinehoe has added gayassroulette

sunshinehoe: Veronica.

gayassroulette: whats up nerd

sunshinehoe: I know you dislike Kara.

sunshinehoe: But could you stop treating her like she has the plague?

gayassroulette: ok

sunshinehoe: I didn't mean sit on her lap!

gayassroulette: where else was i supposed to sit

sunshinehoe: Um.

sunshinehoe: The entire couch, maybe?

gayassroulette: aw lena are u jealous

sunshinehoe: No.

sunshinehoe: Listen, Kara's a very tactile person. She assumes that people who are physically affectionate want to be her friend.

sunshinehoe: She likes to treat people like cats and touch their hair and things like that so do not- I repeat, do not- take it as a come-on.

gayassroulette: her hands are so gentle in my hair its nice

sunshinehoe: Stop purring.

gayassroulette: you sure ur not jealous

sunshinehoe: .......................................................

sunshinehoe: Maybe a little.

gayassroulette: awwwww

gayassroulette: i'll let you have ur spot back

sunshinehoe: Thank you.

sunshinehoe: Stop taking up the entire couch. It's rude and no one wants to see up your wildly impractical skirt.

gayassroulette: what kinda fake best friend

sunshinehoe: Shut the hell up.

sunshinehoe: [heart emoji]

gayassroulette: [heart emoji] [rainbow emoji]

 

--

8:57 PM

gaymess has created a new chat: supercorp soulmates

gaymess has added sunshinehoe and sunshinedanvers

gaymess: it's time

gaymess: you two have been nauseatingly sweet for the past week and i am SICK OF IT

gaymess: therefore congrats u now have ur soulmates chat

gaymess: so no one has to see you be horribly in love and talk about boring grocery shit

gaymess: enjoy

gaymess has left the chat

sunshinedanvers: i can't believe you beat winn at scrabble

sunshinedanvers: this is the best day of my life i'm so proud of you

sunshinehoe: Thank you, darling.

sunshinedanvers: come out of the bathroom so i can kiss you

sunshinehoe: Of course.

Chapter Text

11:32 PM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

gaymess: WHERE ARE U SIS

gaymess: I COME BACK FROM THE BATHROOM AND ABRUPTLY EVERYONE HAS DESERTED OUR APARTMENT

gaymess: omg are u getting laid

sunshinedanvers: ALEX!!! NO!!!!!!!!!

gaymess: joking lmao lena's too classy to put out on the first date

sunshinedanvers: i mean, this is the twenty-third date we've been on, technically speaking

gaymess: i see how it is ;)

sunshinedanvers: don't give me the ;)

gaymess: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 

sunshinedanvers: SHUT UP ALEX I'M JUST WALKING HER HOME

gaymess: kara

gaymess: getting

gaymess: that

gaymess: luthor

gaymess: pussy

sunshinedanvers: ALEX!!!!!!!!!!!

gaymess: also, home?

sunshinedanvers: what?

gaymess: she has a home?

sunshinedanvers: yeah what else would she have

gaymess: um i thought she lived in her office

sunshinedanvers: she does have a bed there but she owns an apartment

gaymess: sick

gaymess: WAIT

gaymess: WHAT????????

gaymess: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

gaymess: OMG YOU DID THE NASTY IN LENA LUTHOR'S OFFICE

gaymess: KARA THAT'S SO SCANDALOUS

sunshinedanvers: SHE JUST TOOK ME ON A TOUR

gaymess: ;) tour ;) huh

sunshinedanvers: NO, ACTUALLY

sunshinedanvers: she has crime and punishment and the great gatsby and the entire harry potter series

gaymess: harry potter?

sunshinedanvers: i know! it's pretty cute, huh?

gaymess: you think she'll let you enter her

gaymess: chamber of secrets

sunshinedanvers: ..................

gaymess: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 

gaymess: if you know what i mean ;) ;) 

sunshinedanvers: i'm going to leave this chat i swear to rao

gaymess: peace peace peace

sunshinedanvers: love you alex!

gaymess: have fun getting laid

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

gaymess: love you too sis

 

--  

2:14 AM

gayassroulette has created a chat: totally legal

gayassroulette has invited bonsaicop

gayassroulette: so something shadys happening at the club

gayassroulette: and i can smell the skankyness comin off one of the fighters

gayassroulette: i know ur not awake but

gayassroulette: if something happens lena can have my lexa funko pop

gayassroulette: also tell her thank you

gayassroulette: for everything

 

-- 

10:12 AM

lesbihonest

gaymess: hey baby luthor

gaymess: is roulette ok i haven't heard from her in like a while

sunshinehoe: You're right; that's quite odd. Normally she drops by to scare me by hanging off my office balcony every morning and also bring me bagels.

gaymess: ok ignoring that (we'll get to that later) where is she

sunshinehoe: She might be at The House.

sunshinehoe: Why do you need her?

gaymess: the deo has a lead on a case that previously worked at her club

bonsaicop: about that

bonsaicop: yesterday, you know how i had to miss game night

bonsaicop: i was on duty and there was an explosion at the house

sunshinehoe: What?

bonsaicop: it wasn't televised because of sensitive material involved

bonsaicop: there was an altercation between roulette and one of the fighters

bonsaicop: ending in roulette being blasted through a wall by a bomb

bonsaicop: she was presumed dead at the scene

bonsaicop: but she was resuscitated and taken into custody

bonsaicop: her injuries are extremely severe

bonsaicop: it's thought that she has at least seven broken bones

bonsaicop: her ribcage nearly caved in on itself

bonsaicop: lena? are you okay?

sunshinehoe: Where is she?

bonsaicop: at the hospital. she's under police surveillance.

sunshinehoe: I want to see her.

bonsaicop: the police can't let you do that. i'm sorry.

sunshinehoe: I need to see her. Please, Maggie. She's important to me.

bonsaicop: lena

sunshinehoe: She's my one constant. She means so much to me. So goddamn much.

bonsaicop: ....

bonsaicop: i can get you ten minutes. she's barely awake, and she's on a lot of painkillers.

sunshinehoe: Thank you.

gaymess: i'm right outside

gaymess: let's get you there

 

--

10:40 PM

L-Corp

sciencegal: where's ms. luthor

rainbowjess: there's been a personal issue

sciencegal: is it kara?

rainbowjess: no kara's fine

sciencegal: good

rainbowjess: it was roulette

scienceguy: roulette?

scienceguy: you mean veronica?

rainbowjess: yes

roseandrosie: what happened?

rainbowjess: she died for about three minutes and then was resuscitated

rainbowjess: she's recuperating and lena went to see her

roseandrosie: veronica's hurt??!?

roseandrosie: we have to go see her

gayassroulette: thanks u guys but its ok

sciencegal: fuck that

sciencegal: we owe you so much

sciencegal: you were the one who got ms. luthor through her brother's actions, after all

scienceguy: you know all of us by name

danthejanitor: you bring bagels every morning

roseandrosie: you have the sickest insults

dyingllama: you and ms. luthor send birthday presents to every lcorp employee

screaminginscienceyou know jack shit about science but you still listen to everything we say

gayassroulette: aw guys

doctorlady: you shielded me from an explosion in the lab once

nerdyhot: you give a damn about everyone's issues even if they're kind of stupid

itsjustrocketscience: you once made me laugh so hard i dumped a solution down ms. luthor's lab coat

labcoat69: you once made everyone play truth or dare when we had a stressful trade deal coming up and it was dumb but you made everyone feel a little less stressed

alliehearts: i was going through a really rough time and you bought me chocolate and we sat in a utility closet and talked for three hours

aliceandco: you're a stickler for safety and you made everyone customised lab goggles with sparkles

barackobama: honestly you're the coolest human i know

sciencegal: it's settled everyone get in the buses we're taking a trip to the hospital

rainbowjess: this is horribly irresponsible

rainbowjess: i'm driving the blue bus

 

--

11:02 AM

supersquad™

bonsaicop: so

bonsaicop: anyone wanna explain why there are twenty-nine buses of people in front of the hospital

Chapter Text

1:14 PM

gaymess has created a chat: karlena

gaymess has added gayassroulettenotthrowingawaymyschottbonsaicopsupermompurtyboyspacedad, and badasslane

gaymess: ok squad hear me out

gaymess: i stole lena and kara's phones bc they were distracted by gross couple stuff so they are unaware of current online happenings

gaymess: and this conversation is PRIVATE do u understand

gaymess: no spilling any secrets bc some of you and i'm not gonna disclose who it was but fyi it was winn

gaymess: once outed me to the entire deo so

gaymess: PRIVATE

purtyboy: got it

gaymess: ok first off

gaymess: catco has an annual contest for national city's cutest couple

badasslane: is this what i THINK IT IS

gaymess: i'll give you three guesses

badasslane: lena luthor and kara danvers for cutest couple

gaymess: BINGO GOT IT IN ONE

gayassroulette: imagine the headlines tho

gaymess: you know whats even BETTER

gayassroulette: WHAT

gaymess: winn hacked into the catco files and

gaymess: guess whose assignment it is to write it

purtyboy: CLARK KENT

gaymess: THATS RIGHT BITCHES

badasslane: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU SERIOUS LMAO

supermom: alexandra are you interfering with your sister's love life again

gaymess: hi mom and YES I AM

supermom: excellent i'm in

gaymess: first we force them on supremely public dates

bonsaicop: and some kissing

gaymess: and we trend #karlena on twitter

notthrowingawaymyschott: got it

gaymess: also bc SOMEONE got shot and we didn't get to see hamilton

supermom: who got shot???

gaymess: i dunno but it was someone

gaymess: anyways we have to make them go and also make someone in the cast do a callout at the beginning

supermom: i'm familiar with the actor who plays hamilton so i might be able to handle that

gaymess: awesome let's GO

purtyboy: how is karlena already trending worldwide

notthrowingawaymyschott: what can i say i work fast

 

--

1:46 PM

L-Corp

rainbowjess: MS LUTHOR WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING

sciencegal: OMG THEY'RE TRENDING DO WE GET TO RELEASE A STATEMENT

roseandrosie: pls bitch we already wrote one up

roseandrosie have attached a file to the chat: [lcorpstatement.word]

the statement reads as follows:

[We'd like to start by saying that we knew this was going to happen and also KARLENA IS CANON FUCK YOU MIKE. Furthermore, we, as the employees of L-Corp, would like to announce our full and unanimous support for the relationship between Kara 'Sunshine' Danvers and Lena 'Gay' Luthor, our boss. It goes without saying that we, RoseandRosie, will be the bridesmaids at their wedding. We don't like to reminisce back to the old days, where Lena was sad, and we are glad that Kara has made her look like a giddy twelve-year-old every time she walks out of her office. We are also fairly certain that Kara now lives in her office because every time Lena comes out of there she has pastel pink lipstick on her neck and looks like she's about to faint from smiling so much and while it is nice to see her happy she's our boss and T. M. I. bitch. Anyways, we express our love and affection for these two and we hope that they come out of their gross sappy romance bubble long enough to read this message. We love you gay (and bi there will be no bi erasure- Rosie) bitches. Also give Jess a raise bc she spent four months trying to set your oblivious asses up. Love, the L-Corp team.]

rainbowjess: oddly sweet

barackobama: i support

sciencegal: aww cute i'm posting it to the l-corp website

rainbowjess: waIT NO

sciencegal: too late

rainbowjess: GODDAMMIT KATHY

 

--

4:17 PM

supersquad™

gaymess: ok they have their phones back but i've just been called into work

gaymess: roulette i trust you to up the shock factor when you tell them

gayassroulette: oh honey u don't know the half of it

sunshinedanvers: why do i have thirty-three thousand notifications

 

--

4:23 PM

gayassroulette has created a chat: karlena for cutest couple

gayassroulette has added sunshinehoe and sunshinedanvers

gayassroulette: the entire underground keeps coming up to me

gayassroulette: and saying shit like 'can you let karlena know we support them'

gayassroulette: pretty sure you've been trending worldwide for a good three hours

sunshinedanvers: what?

gayassroulette: you didn't hear baby super?

sunshinedanvers: no what happened

gayassroulette: ninety thousand people have voted for you and lena luthor

gayassroulette: for the title of national city's cutest couple

sunshinedanvers: WHAT???

sunshinehoe: We've only been together for a few weeks or so!

gayassroulette: have u read ur social media yet

gayassroulette: kara posts one picture of the two of you together today

gayassroulette: with the caption 'so lucky to have this wonderful girl in my life <3'

gayassroulette: and it goes FUCKING VIRAL

sunshinehoe: Well, I mean, it was cute.

gayassroulette: IM TALKING ELEVEN MILLION LIKES AS OF TWO MINUTES AGO

sunshinedanvers: are you serious

gayassroulette: [areyouFUCKINGKIDDINGME.jpg]

sunshinehoe: ...Wow.

gayassroulette: here's ninety-three pages of comments reading something like 'MOMS OMG FOREVER LOVE HEARTEYES'

gayassroulette has attached 93 images to the chat

sunshinedanvers: whoa

gayassroulette: here's a compilation of #karlena tweets made by some of the most influential people in the world

gayassroulette: [brucewayne.jpg]

gayassroulette: [wonderwoman.jpg]

gayassroulette: [catgrant.jpg]

gayassroulette: [greenlantern.jpg]

gayassroulette: [aquaman.jpg]

gayassroulette: [spiderman.jpg]

gayassroulette: [tonyFUCKINGstark.jpg]

gayassroulette: [captainamerica.jpg]

gayassroulette: [blackwidow.jpg]

gayassroulette: [deadshot.jpg]

gayassroulette: [HOLYGODDAMNBATMAN.jpg]

gayassroulette: also apparently you SLEPT WITH WONDER WOMAN

sunshinedanvers: IT WAS ONE TIME

sunshinehoe: Are you serious?

sunshinedanvers: yep

gayassroulette: i cannot believe you went from wonder woman to mon hell tbh

sunshinedanvers: yeah that was a bad life decision i get it

gayassroulette: at least you ended up with lena luthor GET IT GIRL

sunshinehoe: VERONICA!

gayassroulette: lmao just KIDDING my dudes haha

gayassroulette: actually tho

gayassroulette: ur gay asses have been voted national city's cutest couple so CONGRATS

gayassroulette: also guess who's writing the article

sunshinedanvers: please tell me it's not myself

gayassroulette: no it's even better

gayassroulette: it's the one and only CLARK KENT

sunshinehoe: Oh my God.

gayassroulette: that's right her cousins gonna have to ask you about ur sex life get ready honbun

sunshinedanvers: well

sunshinedanvers: i guess i'm just going to just curl up in a ball and die then

 

--

5:54 PM

super hecka cousins

imafuckingfeminist: KARA

imafuckingfeminist: EXPLAIN

sunshinedanvers: AAAA I'M SORRY CLARK

imafuckingfeminist: DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HORRIBLE THIS IS GOING TO BE

imafuckingfeminist: also congratulations but more importantly I AM NOT ASKING LENA LUTHOR IF YOU ARE A TIGER IN BED

sunshinedanvers: PLEASE DON'T DO THAT

imafuckingfeminist: DO YOU THINK I FUCKING WANT TO

sunshinedanvers: RAO SAVE ME

imafuckingfeminist: I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO PUBLISH THE PHRASE 'KARA IS/IS NOT A TIGER IN BED'

imafuckingfeminist: SO YOU KNOW WHAT MY DEAR COUSIN FUCK YOU TWO FOR BEING TOO ADORABLE

sunshinedanvers: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Chapter Text

3:21 PM

supersquad™

bossassbitch has invited herself into the chat

bossassbitch: what's up motherfuckers

bossassbitch: bow before me peons

gayassroulette: who the fuck is this lady

sunshinedanvers: this is ms. grant! :)

bossassbitch: hello kiera

gayassroulette: ....

sunshinedanvers: she means me i'm kiera

bossassbitch: is this called supersquad™ bc kiera is supergirl

sunshinedanvers: yoU CAN STOP RUBBING IT IN NOW

gayassroulette: omg wait that's cat grant

sunshinedanvers: yep

gayassroulette: the infamous really hot ceo

gaymess: oh my god roulette don't

gayassroulette: have u seen her face?

gayassroulette: really. fucking. hot.

bossassbitch: yes that is me

gayassroulette: ooh ;)

gayassroulette has changed bossassbitch's name to kittykittybangbang

kittykittybangbang: bitch i will FUCK YOU UP

kittykittybangbang: COVER YOUR EYES KIERA IM ABOUT TO TEAR THIS BITCH A NEW ONE

[the following statements have been redacted due to an extreme severity of roasting. we apologise for the inconvenience.]

gaymess: HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE

gaymess: SHE RIPPED YOUR SELF-ESTEEM OUT THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE

gayassroulette: IM NOT EVEN MAD THAT WAS SO GOOD

gayassroulette: I FEEL #BLESSED TO HAVE BEEN ROASTED BY SUCH A MASTER

gaymess: JFC I'M SETTING THIS SCREENSHOT AS MY NEW WALLPAPER

gaymess: I WANT TO BE THAT GOOD SOMEDAY

gayassroulette: MY SELF-ESTEEM WENT THROUGH THE FLOOR IT IS NOW NEGATIVE

kittykittybangbang: hmph.

kittykittybangbang's name has been changed to bossassbitch

bossassbitch: don't mess with me

sunshinedanvers: oh guys snapper's calling me in he looks more constipated than usual hold on

gaymess: WHOA

gaymess: was that a

gayassroulette: ACCIDENTAL ROAST

gaymess: my baby sis is growing up

bossassbitch: that is less nice than her usual chirping which is concerning

sunshinehoe: My phone has been going off for about ten minutes and I am in a meeting with several investors.

sunshinehoe: Can you people keep quiet for a few moments, please?

bossassbitch: AH

bossassbitch: lena lesbian luthor you will hear me

bossassbitch: if you hurt kiera one (1) time i will rip out your sphincter through your nose

gayassroulette: um

gaymess: i am terrified and the threat was not actually directed toward me

sunshinehoe: Yes, Ms. Grant. I would never try to hurt her.

bossassbitch: doesn't mean you won't

bossassbitch: also i saw l-corp stock went up after the #karlena campaign congratulations

sunshinehoe: Thank you.

bossassbitch: i also took the responsibility of printing out a 5-by-10 foot copy of wonder woman's karlena tweet

bossassbitch: and mailing the framed version to your apartment

bossassbitch: as a matter of fact, i believe it should be delivered by today

bossassbitch: [wonderwomanfuckedurgirlfriend.jpg]

bossassbitch: for further reference: [#karlena for the win! @LenaLuthor be sure to hold on to that one; she's a tiger in bed ;)]

gaymess: KARA I CANNOT BELIEVE U BANGED WONDER WOMAN

gaymess: WAS THAT WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN WE STOPPED ON EARTH-2

gaymess: OH MY GOD

gayassroulette: that one was my FAVORITE

sunshinedanvers: so um ignoring diana's and my... coital activities

sunshinedanvers: snapper just fired me

gaymess: KARA BBY

bossassbitch: oh i will SHOW HIM who's been FIRED

sunshinehoe: I'll shove seventeen goddamn lawsuits up his ass; I swear to GOD

sunshinedanvers: no cat it's okay!

sunshinedanvers: and babe i'm fine

sunshinedanvers: i just

sunshinedanvers: well, i thought i was good enough to be a reporter

sunshinedanvers: but i guess i'm not

sunshinehoe: BABY NO

gaymess: kara

gaymess: come over please

gaymess: you too lena

sunshinedanvers: okay

 

--

3:42 PM

Call Transcript

Cat Grant to Lucas "Snapper" Carr

Snapper: Snapper Carr speaking.

Cat: Hmph. I need to discuss a private matter.

Snapper: What?

Cat: We have had our disagreements, Michael.

Snapper: Yes, we have.

Cat: As a matter of fact, I believe our entire relationship is composed of disagreements. But I believe this one takes the cake.

Snapper: What are you saying, Grant?

Cat: Kiera Dancerton. You fired her today.

Snapper: Who? Oh- her- she wasn't even that good, and she violated the terms of her CatCo contract.

Cat: Whatever. So did you, if I remember correctly. And 'she wasn't even that good'? Really?

Snapper: That was one incident! Danvers has committed a severe violation.

Cat: Listen up, Carson. Your Pulitzer can't protect you forever, not when you throw away talent like it's garbage.

Snapper: Clark Kent is talent! Ponytail can write, sure, but she went against my authority and her contract.

Cat: And that, Preston, is the nature of reporting. Going against authority to find the truth.

Snapper: Yes, but I need to set an example for others. Kara Danvers was a bad example in journalism.

Cat: Spare me the martyr talk, Neal. You published a whole accusatory article about the Luthor girl before you even knew it was true.

Snapper: Neal? Really? That's too far. And also, you're the one who hired me.

Cat: You don't say? I'm also the one who's hiring Kiera. Again. After you so rudely fired her.

Snapper: In my professional opinion-

Cat: Yeah, that obviously has some flaws, doesn't it. How about you keep it to yourself next time.

Cat hangs up, and the line goes dead.

 

--

3:47 PM

supersquad™

purtyboy: why does snapper "i have never felt fear in my whole life" carr look like he's about to shit his pants

notthrowingawaymyschott: yeah um according to my record

notthrowingawaymyschott: apparently cat grant hired a hitman forty-six seconds ago and now there is a menacing shadow

notthrowingawaymyschott: just. hovering. in his office

purtyboy: THAT'S SO CAT IM SCREAMING IM NOT EVEN GONNA QUESTION WHY

purtyboy: also is kara ok

purtyboy: she left a few minutes ago but no sg stuff has happened on the news yet

bonsaicop: um yeah she got fired

purtyboy: OH

purtyboy: OH SHIT

 

--

sunshinehoe has created a chat: ceos who are in love with kara danvers

sunshinehoe has added bossassbitch

sunshinehoe: I'm creating a new press section at L-Corp. Any suggestions for reporters?

bossassbitch: wow how subtle

bossassbitch: also this chat name

sunshinehoe: It's accurate. Don't try to deny it.

bossassbitch: that's true i suppose

bossassbitch: also i suppose i now have to force mickey into tolerating her constant absences

bossassbitch: it's kiera's dream to be a reporter and i will be DAMNED if i let that toad of a man ruin it for her

sunshinehoe: I'll help you ruin him if you like.

bossassbitch: this is why we're acquaintances

sunshinehoe: Acquaintances? I'll have to update my Facebook profile.

bossassbitch: i did it for you already

bossassbitch: also all of your pictures are with you and kara

bossassbitch: can u not

sunshinehoe: It's not my fault I have the best girlfriend.

bossassbitch: whatever i'm happy for you even if you're a vile elephant with half a working brain

sunshinehoe: At least I'm not you, Grant.

sunshinehoe: (And thank you).

Chapter Text

5:43 AM

iristheangel and flashyboy have entered the chat

sunshinedanvers: BARRY!!!

sunshinedanvers: SINCE WHEN ARE YOU BACK IN TOWN???

sunshinedanvers: and IRIS WOW I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE!

flashyboy: yeah um an old friend cashed in a favor

iristheangel: he means that lena luthor said some sappy garbage about missing your smile and so

iristheangel: we came immediately

iristheangel: how are you, kara?

sunshinedanvers: i'm okay

sunshinedanvers: all the better for seeing you guys!!!

sunshinedanvers: and i didn't know you know lena!

iristheangel: we don't!

iristheangel: but she seems nice

sunshinehoe: Iris, Barry! So nice of you to come.

gaymess: it is 5 in the FUCKING MORNING and YOU TWO

gaymess: NEED TO STOP ACTING LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE GREETING NEIGHBORS

gaymess: IN THE PARLOR OF UR FUCKING SUBURBAN FUCKING TWO-STORY

badasslane: that is some oddly detailed imagery and i like it

sunshinehoe: Wait, which of us?

gaymess: either one JFC

iristheangel: she means you all, of course

iristheangel: barry and i are like siblings! :)

flashyboy: haha yeah ur right lmao :)

sunshinedanvers: ....

sunshinehoe: ......

sunshinehoe has changed iristheangel's name to iristheobliviousangel

sunshinedanvers: anyways

sunshinedanvers: where are you guys?

sunshinedanvers: i'm sure alex would love to swing by and pick you up

gaymess: actually i would NOT

sunshinedanvers: alex but it's iris!

iristheobliviousangel: i am pretty amazing

flashyboy: yeah you are

iristheobliviousangel: aw thanks barry

iristheobliviousangel: anyways we're in the desert somewhere lena wasn't very specific with the directions

sunshinehoe: Sorry.

iristheobliviousangel: it's good!

iristheobliviousangel: [igooglemappedus.jpg]

iristheobliviousangel: [we'reinthefuckingSAHARALUTHORYOUWILLPAYFORTHIS.jpg]

gaymess: lmao i thought u said u didnt know her

iristheobliviousangel: i don't but i'm PISSED

sunshinedanvers: i'll run over and pick you guys up!

 

--

6:23 AM

lesbihonest

sunshinehoe: Iris West is disconcertingly gorgeous.

sunshinehoe: Also, she's bisexual and nice and from a different planet and very very oblivious.

gaymess: lmao remind u of anyone

sunshinehoe: If it weren't for Kara, I might be in love with her.

sunshinehoe: Also, she and Barry? It is horrifyingly obvious how much he likes her.

bonsaicop: westallen: maybe 'siblings' will be our always

sunshinehoe: Was I that obvious?

gaymess: sweaty u don't know the half of it

gaymess: also maggie when did u wake up

bonsaicop: five seconds ago

gaymess: why is the first thing u do check ur phone

bonsaicop: bc lena keeps getting into trouble and then texting me four hours later after skulking around after kara

sunshinehoe: I do not skulk!

bonsaicop: like fuck u do bitch i see u skulking in the background of every picture featuring kara danvers

bonsaicop: ur gay ass does nothing BUT SKULK

bonsaicop: i'm a detective luthor i detect and also arrest innocent lesbians

gaymess: for reference: lena, me last night

sunshinehoe: No. No. NO. NO.

sunshinehoe: Delete that.

sunshinehoe: Now.

gaymess: [laughing face emoji] [handcuff emoji] [cop emoji] [sweat droplets emoji]

sunshinehoe has left the chat

gaymess has added sunshinehoe to the chat

gaymess: can u stop doing that u gay fuck

sunshinehoe: Stop talking about your sex life.

gaymess: FINE JFC

gaymess: back to ur crush on iris west

sunshinehoe: You don't understand how pretty she is.

sunshinehoe: [wow.jpg]

gaymess: WHOA

bonsaicop: THAT IS ONE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN RIGHT THERE

gaymess: ok i'm awake i wanna meet this lady

bonsaicop: WOW

sunshinehoe: This is what I'm saying!

 

--

6:54 AM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: alex meeting iris:

sunshinedanvers: hi- um- you're- iris- huh- that's nice- wow- you're pretty- um- hi.

gaymess: dont shame me like this shes gorgeous

bonsaicop: tru

gaymess: also imma say

gaymess: BABY LUTHOR I WILL SAY THIS ONE TIME LISTEN UP

sunshinehoe: What?

gaymess: ur disrespectful ass better not corrupt my baby sister

gaymess: anyways

gaymess: ur jawline is like okay sometimes and ur left eyebrow game is Strong™

sunshinehoe: Wow! What a compliment. I feel blessed.

gaymess: I WILL BLOCK YOU AFDGFHJKL

purtyboy: anyway lets play a game called when did u figure out kara liked lena

sunshinedanvers: NO DON'T

purtyboy: mine was when i was getting patched up and she got all defensive

purtyboy: i was like BITCH UR NOT BEING SUBTLE but hey whatever

bonsaicop: since the arresting incident lmao u pouted and she made this very cute face and i was like

bonsaicop: damn

supermom: "i looked into her eyes she's innocent"

sunshinedanvers: MOM I FEEL BETRAYED

supermom: calm down honey it was obvious long before then

sunshinehoe: I figured it out when she kissed me.

gaymess: um u dumb fuck how

gaymess: i knew the day she came back home and was all

gaymess: 'lena told me i could be a reporter!'

gaymess: 'ah!'

gaymess: 'how i long to look into her green eyes every night'

gaymess: 'i sigh, my dear alex, for want of her'

gaymess: 'how i long to kiss those ruby lips! ah! ahctjygvkhjlajlbfhgmnvbfhlij

gaymess: MAGGIE

iristheobliviousangel: what is happening

gaymess: u don't wanna know honey also ur gorgeous

gaymess: i am now going to go fling myself out a window BYE

 

--

7:12 AM

west & allen & danvers

iristheobliviousangel: why is your username that, barry?

flashyboy: UM

flashyboy: I LIKE SEQUINS??

gaymess: GODDAMN YOURE ALMOST AS BAD AS KARA

iristheobliviousangel: oh okay

iristheobliviousangel: i actually thought you had a crush on the flash for a few months

flashyboy: ADDRFHGJKLJYUITFGJHCV

gaymess: ADXTUFYGIUHLJBVGHCF

sunshinedanvers: DID YOU ACTUALLY?

iristheobliviousangel: it sounds stupid, doesn't it? haha

flashyboy: HAHA THAT WOULD BE WEIRD

iristheobliviousangel: aw barry you know i'm great with you being bi

iristheobliviousangel: so am i, after all!

iristheobliviousangel: we're like superbi siblings!

gaymess: THIS IS SO GOOD JESUS I'M DYING

sunshinedanvers: alex not to scare you

sunshinedanvers: but roulette is hanging half off our balcony and i think she's on morphine

gaymess: ....

gaymess: ok we'll be right back after a short commercial break thank you for watching supercorp fuckwit chatfic BYE

gaymess: HOLY SHIT SHE REALLY IS

 

Chapter Text

6:57 AM

supersquad™

iristheobliviousangel: hi

sunshinehoe: Iris! Would you like me to send someone to pick you up?

iristheobliviousangel: no that's fine!

iristheobliviousangel: do you know any good breakfast places

iristheobliviousangel: around wherever we are?

sunshinehoe: Of course!

sunshinehoe: There's this little family-owned place that Kara and I go to sometimes.

sunshinehoe: I could join you, if you don't mind?

iristheobliviousangel: oh sure!

iristheobliviousangel: you want kara to come too?

sunshinehoe: Of course.

sunshinedanvers: sure! just give me a few seconds and i'll pick you guys up!

 

--

7:02 AM

supercorp soulmates

sunshinedanvers: are you at the office, babe?

sunshinehoe: Yes.

sunshinedanvers: awesome! i'll be at your balcony in a few

sunshinedanvers: noonan's?

sunshinehoe: Of course.

sunshinehoe: I love you.

sunshinedanvers: i love you too!

 

--

7:54 AM

supersquad™

gaymess: ok noah fence but where the FUCK is everyone

gaymess: there are like three agents and jonn what the fuck

gaymess: is it a holiday

gaymess: did i miss something

gaymess: where is the squirrel boy

notthrowingawaymyschott: who is the squirrel boy

gaymess: you

notthrowingawaymyschott: wow ok hoe

gaymess: call me hoe one more time

gaymess: and i will beat ur ass

notthrowingawaymyschott: okay okay peace

gaymess: SERIOUSLY WHERE IS EVERYONE

sunshinedanvers: well, lena and i are at breakfast with iris and barry

spacedad: i gave everyone a break.

spacedad: except vasquez.

spacedad: vasquez doesn't need a break.

spacedad: she scares me a little.

gaymess: me too, j'onn. me too

gayassroulette: if it makes you feel better i'm getting my hospital bed wheeled into the deo to keep you company

gayassroulette: also WESTALLEN

flashyboy: um hi

gayassroulette: come to the deo and bring iris she sounds lit

flashyboy: what? do we know you?

gayassroulette: ur about to

gaymess: oh there u are

gayassroulette: wanna see if i can do a backflip from the bed

gaymess: YOU HAVE AN IV IN STOP

gayassroulette: .....

gaymess: so i'm now driving to the hospital

gaymess: she knocked herself out doing a backflip

gaymess: because she's a fucking IDIOT

sunshinedanvers: aw is she okay

sunshinedanvers: by the way breakfast finished you should've come

sunshinehoe: Yes, it was lovely. Is Veronica okay?

gaymess: she talks shit in her sleep and it's funny as FUCK

gaymess has sent [shittalker.mp3] to the chat

sunshinehoe: Did you know she insults you frequently in her sleep?

gaymess: i figured

gaymess: wait uve been sleeping with her

gaymess: double timing my sister are we now

sunshinehoe: No! It's not like that.

gaymess: im just messing with you chill baby luthor

gaymess: k she's now back in her room at the hospital

sunshinehoe: I'll drop by with some doughnuts.

gaymess: YES THANK YOU PLS

sunshinehoe: I've got you.

 

--

9:12 AM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

gaymess: um so i have something to ask you

sunshinedanvers: sure! what's up, alex?

gaymess: so i might want to

gaymess: get married to maggie

sunshinedanvers: WHAT

sunshinedanvers: I'M SORRY WHAT DID YOU SAY

sunshinedanvers: GET MARRIED

sunshinedanvers: MARRIAGE

sunshinedanvers: DOMESTICITY

sunshinedanvers: ALEX DANVERS

sunshinedanvers: I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU AM I THE MAID OF HONOR

gaymess: OF COURSE

gaymess: if she says yes

sunshinedanvers: WE HAVE TO PLAN A PROPOSAL THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME

gaymess: UM OK

sunshinedanvers: ROMANTIC SETTING WHAT'S A ROMANTIC SETTING AAAAAAAA

sunshinedanvers: OOH THE BONSAI GARDEN

gaymess: sounds good

sunshinedanvers: OK YOU NEED CHAMPAGNE AND A PICNIC

sunshinedanvers: AND ICE CREAM AND WHISKEY

sunshinedanvers: NO GUNS THOUGH PLEASE

gaymess: [sad face emoji]

sunshinedanvers: CAN WE GO RING SHOPPING TOMORROW

gaymess: yes and thank you nerd

sunshinedanvers: please don't be this awkward when you ask her for her hand

gaymess: for her

gaymess: hand

gaymess: what would i do with her hand

gaymess: OH ;) SIS LET'S KEEP IT CHILD APPROPRIATE

sunshinedanvers: not like THAT ALEX

gaymess: chill i know what u mean

gaymess: meet u tomorrow at the deo

sunshinedanvers: of course! i'm already looking up bridal shops

gaymess: aw sis i love you

 

--

9:54 AM

premium maggie sawyer advice™

bonsaicop: so

bonsaicop: i'm considering asking alex to marry me

sunshinehoe: ADFHGJDBKNL

sunshinehoe: Okay, I just left my meeting. What is happening? When did you decide? What are you planning?

bonsaicop: idk

bonsaicop: maybe the aquarium

bonsaicop: or something

bonsaicop: but i'm sure i want to spend the rest of my life with her

sunshinehoe: Aww.

bonsaicop: don't aww me u gay

sunshinehoe: Can we go ring shopping tomorrow?

bonsaicop: that'd be awesome

bonsaicop: do i have to ask j'onn or kara for the blessing

sunshinehoe: Both, probably. To be safe.

 

--

7:02 AM

supercorp soulmates

sunshinedanvers: UM

sunshinehoe: Hi, Kara! What's up?

sunshinedanvers: ok so i stopped my sister in the middle of the street

sunshinedanvers: and i distracted her with a dog

sunshinedanvers: it's really cute, it's a husky puppy and it's so CUTE

sunshinedanvers: anyways so i'm going to cut to the point

sunshinedanvers: why are you and maggie in a wedding boutique looking at rings

sunshinehoe: What? We're not doing anything.

sunshinedanvers: LENA

sunshinehoe: Nothing! It's nothing at all!!

sunshinedanvers: that's the worst lie i've ever heard

sunshinehoe: Not as bad as you pretending to be Supergirl.

sunshinedanvers: that's RUDE

sunshinedanvers: please tell me what's happening

sunshinedanvers: WAIT

sunshinedanvers: IS MAGGIE PLANNING TO PROPOSE TO ALEX AAAAAAAAAA

sunshinehoe: ........

sunshinedanvers: i'm going to take your silence as a yes

sunshinedanvers: THAT'S SO AWESOME AND LOVELY AND NICE

sunshinedanvers: WE HAVE TO COORDINATE SO THAT THEY PROPOSE TO EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME

sunshinehoe: Why?

sunshinedanvers: i read it in a skimmons fanfic once and it was pure

sunshinedanvers: this is going to be SO AMAZING

sunshinedanvers: :)

sunshinehoe: You can't tell anyone that you know.

sunshinedanvers: :(

sunshinehoe: Not even Winn. I assume J'onn already knows.

sunshinedanvers: yeah i think he does

sunshinedanvers: LET'S GET THESE IDIOTS MARRIED

sunshinehoe: Anything for you.

sunshinedanvers: <3

sunshinehoe: <3 <3

sunshinedanvers: <3 <3 <3

sunshinehoe: <3 <3 <3 <3

sunshinedanvers: i love you

sunshinehoe: I love you too.

 

--

7:32 AM

sanvers soulmates

gaymess: OH MY GOD

bonsaicop: what what's happening

gaymess: LENA'S SHOPPING FOR RINGS

bonsaicop: mm is she

gaymess: DOES SHE WANT TO MARRY MY LITTLE SISTER ALREADY

gaymess: IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE MONTHS

gaymess: wait why are you not more surprised

bonsaicop: :)

bonsaicop: look behind you babe

gaymess: why would i OH

bonsaicop: waving through a window

gaymess: fuck off w the broadway references

gaymess: OMG ARE YOU HELPING HER FIND A RING

gaymess: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME

bonsaicop: you didn't ask

bonsaicop: also why are you here

bonsaicop: and why is kara here too lmao

bonsaicop: WAIT

bonsaicop: ARE YOU HELPING KARA FIND A RING

gaymess: um YES I AM

gaymess: WE HAVE TO HELP THEM GET TOGETHER DON'T WE

bonsaicop: LET'S DO IT

 

--

7:41 AM

premium maggie sawyer advice™

bonsaicop: FUCK

Chapter Text

10:43 AM

supersquad™

harlequin has entered the chat

poison has entered the chat

harlequin: hey y'all

poison: hello.

sunshinedanvers: hi!!

sunshinedanvers: harley and ivy!

sunshinedanvers: it's super great to see you guys again

harlequin: yep

harlequin: cept this time, red got her shit together

poison: was it... not together?

harlequin: i mean you kissin me, doofus

poison: ah

poison: that was nice.

harlequin: the stuff that came after was better than nice, if ya know what i mean

iristheobliviousangel: ooh! newcomers!

harlequin: hiya! ;)

harlequin: i ain't made your acquaintance yet, but it's nice ta meet ya

harlequin: i'm harley quinn

harlequin: formally harleen quinzel

harlequin: course, that's before arkham happened

harlequin: i was a psychologist there

harlequin: was real good at it, too, until red seduced me

poison: i did no such thing!

harlequin: red, baby, your hormones ain't sayin much to the contrary

poison: that's fair.

poison: i believe i should introduce myself

poison: i am poison ivy of gotham city,

poison: formerly and formally pamela isley.

flashyboy: nice to meet you!

flashyboy: i'm barry allen! we're from a different earth

iristheobliviousangel: iris west! i'm from barry's universe

sunshinedanvers: kara danvers!

harlequin: hey you're supergirl, aintcha?

sunshinedanvers: ...........

gaymess: she's sensitive

gaymess: i'm alex danvers

gaymess: her sister

bonsaicop: i'm her girlfriend maggie

sunshinehoe: I am Kara's girlfriend, Lena.

gayassroulette: i'm no one's gf but i'm the best person in this whole chat

purtyboy: ouch that hurts

gayassroulette: shove it up your ass you fake skimmons fan

harlequin: ooh! skimmons!

purtyboy: we might as well just rename this chat to skimmons squad tbh

poison: i agree.

harlequin: oh hey red!!

harlequin: ain't we goin out tonight?

poison: of course. selina will be my bridesmaid, correct?

harlequin: course! betcha five bucks that kitty's gonna cry at our wedding

gaymess: you guys are getting married?

harlequin: yep!!! in two months or something

poison: that is, provided neither of us get arrested immediately.

harlequin: aw nah

harlequin: brucey loves us too much to let that happen

poison: personally, i think he's just scared of us.

harlequin: prolly something of both, really

sunshinedanvers: that's really awesome!

sunshinedanvers: guess who else is getting married?

poison: you?

sunshinedanvers: haha! no, silly!

gaymess: and of course it's not ME that would be stupid hahaha

sunshinehoe: Obviously not me.

harlequin: is it you then skimmons boy?

purtyboy: um are you talking to me

harlequin: ya!

purtyboy: no who would i get married to

harlequin: okay then it's.....

poison: roulette, perhaps?

harlequin: ya! is it you?

gayassroulette: what?? i just said

gayassroulette: that i didn't have a gf

gaymess: um

 

--

10:58 AM

gaymess has created a chat: badassery

gaymess has added gayassroulette

gaymess: ok listen up u rainbow fucker

gaymess: here is la situation

gaymess: i'm proposing to maggie

gaymess: and she doesn't know

gaymess: and lena's proposing to kara but maggie thinks kara's proposing back bc i needed a cover

gayassroulette: SPICY

gayassroulette: deadass that's so cute

gaymess: the moral of the story is that u COVER FOR MY ASS

gayassroulette: gotcha and we'll talk about this whole thing later

 

--

11:01 AM

supersquad™

gayassroulette: i don't have a gf

gayassroulette: because i have a FIANCEE!!

harlequin: that's so nice!! we're buddies now, roullie!!!!!

gayassroulette: that nickname is horrible do NOT

sunshinehoe: EXCUSE ME?

gayassroulette: oh shit

sunshinehoe: A FIANCEE?

sunshinehoe: WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE???

sunshinedanvers: i didn't know you were engaged, roulette! congrats!

sunshinedanvers: who's the lucky gal?

gayassroulette: her name's raven!

gayassroulette: she has dark eyes and dark hair and the mind of a genius and she's an alien!!

gayassroulette: honestly she's the bravest person i've ever met and possibly the smartest

gayassroulette: she's a rocket scientist at nasa and she runs the rogue nasa twitter account

sunshinehoe: Why have I, your best friend in the whole wide world, never met this 'Raven'?

gayassroulette: whatever binch

sunshinehoe: Do NOT 'whatever binch' me, Lisbeth Salander.

gayassroulette: lisbeth SALANDER???????????????

gayassroulette: my tattoos are CLASSY you piece of garbage

sunshinehoe: Also, 'smartest person you've ever met'?

sunshinehoe: Fuck you.

sunshinedanvers: whoa whoa whoa wait no no no no

harlequin: we mighta caused a lil more trouble than usual, red

poison: you may be right.

harlequin: let's clear out for a hot second bye kids

sunshinehoe: I can't believe you.

sunshinehoe: I can't believe you didn't trust me with that.

sunshinehoe: Is it because I'm a Luthor?

sunshinehoe: You didn't trust me with it because she's an alien?

gayassroulette: it's not like that, lena. please.

sunshinehoe: I see how it is.

sunshinehoe: Goodbye.

sunshinedanvers: ..

gaymess: .....

sunshinedanvers: she'll cool off eventually, i'm sure

sunshinedanvers: besides, that was kind of out of the blue

sunshinedanvers: but congratulations anyways!!

gayassroulette: yeah thanks haha

 

--

11:08 AM

badassery

gayassroulette: so uh guess who fucked up

gaymess: it's your own damn fault why did you give her such a backstory

gaymess: also you were totally talking about raven reyes don't lie to me binch

gayassroulette: yes it was raven and no i have no idea at all why i did that

gayassroulette: goddamn now lena's pissed bc i have a fake fiancee to cover for ur ass

gayassroulette: am i gonna have to buy a ring

gaymess: i'll come with you to shop

gayassroulette: anyways in order to distract myself from my inevitable confession

gayassroulette: UR PROPOSAL

gaymess: oh god not you too

Chapter Text

3:12 PM

supersquad™

skyethegreat has entered the chat

simmons has entered the chat

gaymess: oh. my. GOD

gayassroulette: holy FUCKSHIT

purtyboy: what is

bossassbitch: is that skimmons???

skyethegreat: um where are we

simmons: by my calculations, we are on Earth-3.

simmons: i believe fitz must have accidentally left on the teleporter.

simmons: though it is a fascinating development! i will have to record the process that we undertook.

skyethegreat: ok not to burst ur bubble simmons but

skyethegreat: WHERE IN THE FUCK ARE WE

gaymess: OH MY GOD IT'S ACTUALLY SKIMMONS

skyethegreat: um hi who are you

gaymess: alex danvers it's a pleasure to meet you you two are my idols

simmons: alex... danvers?

simmons: like, from the show supergirl?

skyethegreat: oh my god

skyethegreat: we've been sent to an earth where supergirl is real

sunshinedanvers: i'd hope i'm real!! also SKIMMONS

bossassbitch: i'm cat grant and i'm assuming that i star in this supergirl show

simmons: well...

skyethegreat: yes! of course.

bossassbitch: hmph. acceptable.

bossassbitch: also, i enjoy watching you two get flustered around each other. do it more often.

skyethegreat: um ok

simmons: wait what's happening?

gaymess: okay okay i'm coming to pick you up i'll take simmons on the motorcycle

gayassroulette: i'll bring my bike for skye where are you guys

skyethegreat: i dunno

simmons: by my calculations, we are just south of national city, along highway 81.

harlequin: who are these nutters

poison: be nice, harley

skyethegreat: are you guys... harley quinn and poison ivy?

harlequin: duh, sugar

skyethegreat: oh my god! i read all your comics growing up!!

flashyboy: hi!! it's so cool to meet you guys!

simmons: barry allen, i assume?

flashyboy: um what how did you get my name from 'flashyboy'

simmons: well, skye loves your show. it's known from the beginning that you're the flash.

iristheobliviousangel: you're the flash?

harlequin: um duh

flashyboy: that must be a wild alternate reality! hahaha

iristheobliviousangel: hahaha! i get it!

simmons: is she always this thick?

skyethegreat: she still doesn't know! you'd know if you paid attention, jem

harlequin: so are y'all together?

skyethegreat: me and.... simmons?

poison: obviously.

skyethegreat: um..???

skyethegreat: i don't think so?

skyethegreat: simmons help

simmons: i

simmons: would maybe like to?

skyethegreat: you'd like to

skyethegreat: what

simmons: be a cohesive unit.

simmons: romantically.

simmons: with you.

skyethegreat: you.... would?

simmons: um. yes.

simmons: if that's all right with you.

skyethegreat: come here

simmons: skye, i'm a mile away by now.

skyethegreat: danvers, pull over

gayassroulette: i'm speeding up to get you to your girl if i crash sorry i just got out of the hospital and i'm currently on a heavy dose of morphine

gayassroulette: there you are i'm pulling over

simmons: skye, what are you doing?

skyethegreat: kissing you

gaymess: HOLYKU UHFKC

gayassroulette: THIS IS WHAT I'M HERE FOR

sunshinedanvers: PICTURES PICTURES

gaymess: [SKIMMONS.jpg]

sunshinehoe: My dreams have come true.

gaymess: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

gayassroulette: AAAAAAAAAAA

bossassbitch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

gaymess: .....??

bossassbitch: listen i have a vague dislike for all of you with the exception of kiera but i love skimmons

gaymess: relatable

gaymess: omg they're still kissing it's been three minutes not that i'm complaining

gayassroulette: listen this is actually what i'm alive for

gayassroulette: two fictional characters teleporting to our earth and then getting together five minutes later

gaymess: actually 90% sure that the core of this earth, instead of lava, is pink kryptonite

gayassroulette: actually that would explain a lot

gayassroulette: like why everyone we know is GAY AS FUCK

gaymess: except mon-hell i think

notthrowingawaymyschott: nah pretty sure he's not

gaymess: um WHAT

notthrowingawaymyschott: it was ONE TIME HE KISSED ME OK I SWEAR UR NOT MY MOM ALEX DANVERS

gaymess: ok we're gonna get back to the fact that you actually made out with monhell

gaymess: but jemma and daisy have been kissing for the past six minutes now

gaymess: and it's really cute but there's a highway patrol car pulling up to us SHIT

gaymess: omg the police cop lady saw simmons' face and ACTUALLY SWOONED

gaymess: SHE'S JUST STARING AT THEM AND BLUSHING A LOT THAT'S SO RELATABLE

gayassroulette: ACTUALLY ME

gayassroulette: she's pretty cute should i ask her out

sunshinedanvers: don't you have a fiancee?

gayassroulette: ooh yeah that's an issue

 

--

3:34 PM

badassery

gayassroulette: this 'having a fiancee' thing is getting real old kids

gayassroulette: can't believe i'm getting cockblocked by raven reyes

gaymess: :(

gaymess: rip i guess

gayassroulette: whatever

gayassroulette: also idk if we went over this but lena's proposing????????

gaymess: yep

gayassroulette: and what about kara does she know

gaymess: actually, kara is planning to propose too! lmao

gayassroulette: spicy

gaymess: real spicy

gayassroulette: are they still making out

gaymess: yep

gayassroulette: ok im gonna go ask out the cute police officer

gaymess: best of luck m fellow gay

gayassroulette: i don't need luck with an ass like this

gaymess: tru

 

--

3:37 PM

supersquad™

bossassbitch: i am now in my helicopter flying out to see skimmons

notthrowingawaymyschott: TAKE ME WITH YOU

bossassbitch: then hurry up, winslette

notthrowingawaymyschott: ............?

notthrowingawaymyschott: oddly close to my actual name

notthrowingawaymyschott: is cat grant getting nicer???????

bossassbitch: move your ass, hobbit

purtyboy: so that's a solid no

bossassbitch: I'M WAITING WINSTON

notthrowingawaymyschott: OK OK

bossassbitch: you're still not here so i'm giving you 5 seconds winifred

bossassbitch: ok guess what bitch ur walking

notthrowingawaymyschott: :(

notthrowingawaymyschott: james...??

purtyboy: fine jfc i'll take you to meet skimmons

notthrowingawaymyschott: HELL YEAH

 

--

6:14 PM

sanvers soulmates

gaymess: skimmons is now safely situated in my apartment

gaymess: and i'm decently sure that we're gonna have to wash the sheets if you know what i mean ;)

bonsaicop: ew

bonsaicop: i've got pizza

gaymess: hey babe has lena told you anything about her plans to propose

bonsaicop: um?? a little

gaymess: good cause i have to confront her for the blessing eventually

bonsaicop: WHOA how bout not yet yknow

gaymess: why

bonsaicop: well, when is kara planning to propose

gaymess: idk? she hasn't really decided yet?

bonsaicop: then lena will find you when she's ready

 

--

7:29 PM

villainy ain't dead

harlequin: hey red

harlequin: does somethin seem off to ya

poison: a bit. it seems as if everyone is hiding something.

poison: then again, we are supervillains.

harlequin: nah they're hidin something i can smell it

harlequin: people ain't as good at lyin as they think they are

harlequin: even alex danvers. she's sharp but she ain't perfect.

poison: she does seem flustered around sawyer

poison: a lover's quarrel, perhaps?

harlequin: nah

harlequin: ya remember the thing with the marriages

poison: yes. perhaps they are hiding the evidence of their intent to propose.

harlequin: sounds pretty solid, yeah?

poison: while unlikely, it is certainly more possible than the 'roulette' character having a fiancee.

harlequin: i guess we'd better shove them along, huh?

poison: sounds like an excellent plan.

Chapter Text

9:16 AM

badassery

gayassroulette: what the f u c k is happening

gaymess: what do you mean

gayassroulette: i just

gayassroulette: have no idea

gayassroulette: what the fuck

gayassroulette: is happening

gaymess: so ur having a pretty normal day it sounds like

gayassroulette: [middle finger emoji]

gayassroulette: hows ur proposal plan going

gayassroulette: and kara and lena are proposing right

gaymess: *sweats nervously*

gaymess: um there may have been some miscommunication

gayassroulette: which means...?

gaymess: um

gayassroulette: you lied to me didn't you

gaymess: suddenly i'm having a family emergency BYOEGKVHJHKGFDGS

gaymess: GET OFF MY FUCKING BALCONY YOU BITCH

gayassroulette: TELL ME THE TRUTH BEFORE I TAKE THIS BLOWTORCH TO YOUR ASS

gaymess: WE BOTH KNOW I COULD KICK YOUR ASS IN HAND-TO-HAND

gayassroulette: BITCH I HAVE TWENTY YEARS OF TRAINING AND A BLACK BELT

gayassroulette: YOUR EGO IS TRULY ASTONISHING TBH

gayassroulette: AND STOP DISTRACTING ME WITH FALSE CLAIMS

gayassroulette: WHAT DID YOU LIE ABOUT

gaymess: suddenly i can't read

gaymess: i don't know her

gaymess: never told a lie in my whole life

gayassroulette: ur a secret agent you fucking bitch

gaymess: idk what ur talking about

gaymess: what is a secret even never heard of it

gayassroulette: bitch

gayassroulette: pls

gaymess: fine fine

gaymess: so um

gaymess: karasnotgettingmarriedtolena

gayassroulette: SORRY BITCH I THINK I MISHEARD YOU

gayassroulette: DON'T SAY THAT SHIT

gaymess: ok in my defence i'm p sure lena's proposing

gayassroulette: LIKE FUCK SHE IS

gaymess: MAGGIE TOLD ME SHE WAS DOING IT

gayassroulette: LENA 'SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME THAT WAY' LUTHOR

gayassroulette: IS NOT GONNA DO THAT SHIT

gaymess: which means someone's lying

gayassroulette: hold up lemme go confront a binch

 

--

9:43 AM

boarding school buddies

gayassroulette: hey um

gayassroulette: why the HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE PROPOSING TO KARA

sunshinehoe: Why didn't you tell me you had a fiancée?

sunshinehoe: Also, what?

gayassroulette: touche

gayassroulette: and what do you mean, 'what'

sunshinehoe: I think you're mistaken.

gayassroulette: mistaken my gay ass

sunshinehoe: The only people proposing to anyone are Maggie and Alex.

gayassroulette: um WHAT WHAT WHAT

gayassroulette: MAGGIE'S PROPOSING?

sunshinehoe: I- what???

sunshinehoe: You didn't know that?

gayassroulette: i fulkbhhjkadjks

gayassroulette: hate

sunshinehoe: Where did you get the idea I was proposing?

sunshinehoe: I've only been dating Kara for a month or so!

gayassroulette: then why is alex

gayassroulette: OH

sunshinehoe: What?

gayassroulette: IDK I'M JUST REALLY CONFUSED

sunshinehoe: What's happening?

gayassroulette: ok i think that

gayassroulette: actually i have no idea i take that back

gayassroulette: what the fuck is e v e n h a p p e n i n g

 

--

10:01 AM

totally legal

gayassroulette: did you tell alex lena's proposing

bonsaicop: um

bonsaicop: i plead the fifth

gayassroulette: you CAN'T DO THAT DID YOU TELL HER

bonsaicop: in my defence

bonsaicop: she just ASSUMED OKAY

bonsaicop: I MAY HAVE HELPED HER TO THE ASSUMPTION BUT

bonsaicop: if kara's proposing then it'll all be fine

gayassroulette: what in the

gayassroulette: OKAY WHAT'S HAPPENING

bonsaicop: um

bonsaicop: i'm proposing to alex

bonsaicop: kara's proposing to lena

bonsaicop: lena's not proposing to kara i don't think

bonsaicop: it's a little complicated

gayassroulette: no SHIT sherlock

gayassroulette: ok detective i have NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING

bonsaicop: i mean, it's simpler than a drug cartel

gayassroulette: depends on your point of view

bonsaicop: true

gayassroulette: good talk i'm now even more confused than i was before

bonsaicop: ???

gayassroulette: bye

 

--

11:08 AM

gayassroulette has created a new chat: objective perspective

gayassroulette has added badasslane and lololane

gayassroulette: i'm gonna need some help real fast

badasslane: what

lololane: hit me

gayassroulette: ok

gayassroulette: maggie is proposing to alex according to lena but alex is also proposing to maggie and they don't want each other to know so they've tricked each other

gayassroulette: by saying that kara and lena are proposing as a cover for them to go shopping for wedding stuff so kara is proposing to lena according to alex and lena is proposing to kara according to maggie

gayassroulette: and both of them are totally oblivious to alex and maggie's pretending that they're proposing and not proposing to each other and so they both just are trying to set up alex and maggie

gayassroulette: while maggie thinks that kara is proposing she's hiding that lena's not proposing and alex knows that kara's not proposing but she kind of thinks that lena's planning on proposing

gayassroulette: and they keep running into each other in wedding boutiques and haphazardly planning two proposals, one of which is not actually happening

gayassroulette: so far, alex has spent three hundred dollars on two sets of diamond rings because maggie walked by and she panicked and grabbed the nearest pair of rings she could find and bought it accidentally

gayassroulette: and maggie's credit card has gone the same way with bottles of wine i think she bought three bottles of lena's favorite wine when alex leaned in next to her

gayassroulette: so we have two people who don't know they're proposing to each other and two people who think one of them is proposing to the other and playing along with the idea that the other one is proposing too

gayassroulette: just to cover their own asses proposing to each other

gayassroulette: at this rate we're not going to have an actual marriage but we might have a marriage neither of the people knows about

badasslane: .................................................

lololane: im not drunk enough for this yet

lololane: hit me w some teq

badasslane: teq?

lololane: tequila

lololane: it's in my bag can you grab it

badasslane: there's no tequila in here

lololane: sorry WHAT

badasslane: but

badasslane: there are three half-full bottles of vodka

lololane: oh goody even better

lololane: i got the shotglasses here

badasslane: .. lois

badasslane: we don't have six people coming over

lololane: silly

lololane: seven of them are for me

lololane: you can have the last one i guess

gayassroulette: where are you guys

lololane: metropolis stupid

lololane: where are you

gayassroulette: ....

gayassroulette: it's ten in the morning

lololane: which means it's drinking time!!!!!!!

gayassroulette: is ur sister ok

lololane: she's fine

gayassroulette: i was talking to lucy

badasslane: yah she'll be fine

badasslane: she usually gets through two shots and then falls asleep

lololane: rude

badasslane: ...

badasslane: and there she goes

badasslane: ok what do you need

gayassroulette: advice

badasslane: ok have a talk with the gays

gayassroulette: which ones

badasslane: alex n maggie

badasslane: tell them they gotta work it out inform them of the situation

badasslane: and stop the accidental karlena proposal train before it leaves the station

badasslane: funny though it would be

badasslane: tell alex to inform kara that now she and maggie think that she and lena are proposing to each other

badasslane: GOD THIS IS SO COMPLICATED

gayassroulette: tell me about it

gayassroulette: thanks lil gay lane

badasslane: that's director lane to you bitch

badasslane: also i'm decently sure ur wanted by the deo

gayassroulette: um ouch hurtful

gayassroulette: WAIT DO I HAVE A BOUNTY

badasslane: yeah it's like 1 million or something

gayassroulette: ok

gayassroulette has transferred $1,000,000 to badasslane

badasslane: UM NO

badasslane: WHAT

badasslane: HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT

gayassroulette: :)

gayassroulette: am i no longer a wanted criminal

badasslane: IS THAT MONEY LAUNDERED

gayassroulette: :)

badasslane: IS IT MADE OFF OF ILLEGAL PROFITS FROM THE HOUSE

gayassroulette: :)

gayassroulette: maybe

badasslane: YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME FIRED

badasslane: THEY'LL ASSUME I'M BEING BRIBED

gayassroulette: calm down it's not as if i meet you on a regular basis

gayassroulette: to do totally legal and non-illicit activities

badasslane: thAT IS THE MOST SUSPICIOUS WAY OF DESCRIBING GAME NIGHTS IN HISTORY

badasslane: ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME FIRED

gayassroulette: :)

gayassroulette: :) i'm :) just :) your :) normal :) average :) joe :) mildly :) wanted :) criminal :)

gayassroulette: :) having :) a :) good :) chat :) with :) my :) good :) friend :)

gayassroulette: :) who :) also :) happens :) to :) be :) the :) head :)

gayassroulette: :) of :) the :) department :) that's :) charged :) with :) arresting :) me :)

gayassroulette: :) who :) i :) also :) recently :) have :) given :) one :) million :) dollars :) to :)

gayassroulette: :) as :) a :) purely :) platonic :) unsuspicious :) gift :)

badasslane: i'm not even going to get fired i'll just get put in a federal prison

gayassroulette: :) i’ll break you out

badasslane: i hate you

Chapter Text

 2:11 AM

sanvers soulmates

gaymess: no homo

gaymess: but you looked kind of ok today

bonsaicop: when shes romantic [sweat droplets emoji]

bonsaicop: also what do you mean 'no homo'

bonsaicop: bitch

bonsaicop: we're both gay

bonsaicop: we gay together on a consistent basis

gaymess: tru lmao

gaymess: why are you awake at 2 am

bonsaicop: why are you awake at 2 am

gaymess: i asked first bitch

bonsaicop: i'm at work

bonsaicop: bitch

gaymess: well i'm hungover and vomiting

bonsaicop: ???

bonsaicop: it's 2 am how are you hungover

gaymess: cause lena luthor's a fuckin mess

bonsaicop: ok i knew that but

bonsaicop: what does that have to do with you being hungover

gaymess: she called me at 3 pm

gaymess: or something idk

gaymess: and started talking in a really high-pitched voice

gaymess: about doing it with my sister

gaymess: like

gaymess:  doing it

bonsaicop: okay understood

gaymess: and then i needed to drink a full bottle of whiskey

gaymess: and forget everything ever said to me ever

gaymess: so now i'm hungover as all fuck

bonsaicop: :(

gaymess: also i came up with a theory

gaymess: hear me out

bonsaicop: ok

gaymess: the reason so many gays keep guest starring in our universe

gaymess: like sara and nyssa and that shit

gaymess: and then they like disappear miraculously

bonsaicop: yes..?

gaymess: it's because pieces of our earth

gaymess: are made of pink kryptonite

bonsaicop: the gay shit?

gaymess: the gay shit

gaymess: cause like when the moon did a boom and became a separate being

gaymess: it left behind shards of pink kryptonite

gaymess: which were embedded in the earth's surface

gaymess: ie the moon is a pink lesbian who left behind pieces of sheer gay power in our earth

bonsaicop: gotcha

gaymess: and then i did an algorithm thing

gaymess: to map the locations of the shards

gaymess: and by my calculations

gaymess: the next guest stars should be arriving

gaymess: at your apartment

gaymess: right around

gaymess: now

 

--

2:23 AM

supersquad™

h4ck3r and foodndogs have entered the chat

foodndogs: ..

foodndogs: root.

h4ck3r: yes, sweetie? <3

foodndogs: where the hell are we?

h4ck3r: national city! :)

foodndogs: like, supergirl?

h4ck3r: yep! :D

foodndogs: okay...

h4ck3r: ooh, this bed looks nice!

foodndogs: how are you already tired?

h4ck3r: not for that purpose, sweetie ;)

bonsaicop: NO

bonsaicop: DO NOT HAVE SEX IN MY APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!

h4ck3r: :(

h4ck3r: you must be margaret sawyer, detective of the ncpd, with the gross parents, avid lover of guns, scotch, and bonsai trees! :D

h4ck3r: i have to say, it's a pleasure to finally meet you!!

bonsaicop: um....

bonsaicop: how did you know that

h4ck3r: i have my ways ;)

gaymess: what's up losers

gaymess: oh my GOD YOUR NAME IS MARGARET

bonsaicop: uh.. duh?

gaymess: i just

gaymess: it remains me of like

gaymess: a really old lady with a tiny fckn

gaymess: like

gaymess:  lapdog

gaymess: idk

bonsaicop: um RUDE ALEXANDRA

gaymess: oh yeah by the way i'm alex this is my gf maggie

gaymess: everyone else is asleep cause they're losers

gaymess: wait actually

gaymess: BABY LUTHOR KARA WANTS YOU

sunshinehoe: WHAT'S WRONG????

gaymess: lmAO

gaymess: nothing

gaymess: #whipped

sunshinehoe: Shut your mouth, Alexandra.

gaymess: don't full name me you hoe

sunshinehoe: Don't tell me what to do.

gaymess: you watch me

gaymess: is it past your bedtime baby luthor

sunshinehoe: ....

gaymess: why aren't you responding

sunshinehoe: Why am I locked into this chat?

sunshinehoe: I can't get out. How did you-

sunshinehoe: What is happening? Why did my phone background just change to a winky anonymous face?

sunshinehoe: Stop messing with my phone, Alex!

gaymess: um... that's not me.

h4ck3r: yep! that's me!

sunshinehoe: Um. Hi?

h4ck3r: lena luthor, right? :D

h4ck3r: i love your work in the sciences! i especially loved the enormous holographic rainbow you set in the sky for the entirety of pride month!

gaymess: THAT WAS YOU

gaymess: I KNEW IT I KNEW THAT WAS YOU I KNEW IT HAHAHA WINN OWES ME SO MUCH MONEY

sunshinehoe: Wait. Winn bet against me?

gaymess: HE THOUGHT IT WAS KARA I'M HISSING

h4ck3r: also, if you're wondering why your prototype #09707 blueprint just disappeared off your phone

h4ck3r: that was me!

sunshinehoe: Um.

sunshinehoe: Is she supposed to have access to my phone?

gaymess: probably not

foodndogs: i wouldn't worry about trying to block her out.

foodndogs: she's very persistent.

bonsaicop: um ok who are you

h4ck3r: duh!! i'm root!

foodndogs: she's a perky psychopath and i would not advise ever talking to her.

h4ck3r: aw, shaw <3

h4ck3r: this is sameen shaw, the love of my life!! :D <3 <3 <3

bonsaicop: awww cute

sunshinehoe: It'd be more cute if my phone wallpaper had not just turned into live footage of a beating human heart.

sunshinehoe: How did you even get a camera in there?

bonsaicop: everyone has their quirks, luthy.

h4ck3r: i like this one!

sunshinehoe: I don't.

h4ck3r: aww :( turn that frown upside down! :)

h4ck3r: here, i'll help you out!

sunshinehoe: I love and support all of my friends; Maggie is one of my favourite people ever!

bonsaicop: thanks babe :)

h4ck3r: i love it when everyone gets along!

gaymess: wHOA

gaymess: p sure baby luthor's phone is the most secure thing on the planet

gaymess: how did you even do that

h4ck3r: don't ask questions, sweetie :)

gaymess: okay you fantastic wonderful being of earth

gaymess: uM I DID NOT SAY THAT

gayassroulette: what the fuck is happening right now

gayassroulette: my phone is vibrating a whole lot and i'm in the middle of evil business and being turned on isn't helping

gaymess: ok pause for one quick second

gaymess: what

gaymess: where do you keep your phone

gayassroulette: in my panties dumbass

gayassroulette: where else

gaymess: uM

gaymess: LITERALLY ANYWHERE

gayassroulette: ok have you seen the dresses i wear on regular occasion

gayassroulette: what would you describe them as

h4ck3r: hot

foodndogs: ...

h4ck3r: aw sameen you're hotter

foodndogs: that wasn't what i meant

h4ck3r: [surejan.gif]

gaymess: unnecessary

gayassroulette: i would say 'devastatingly attractive' but whatever take your pick

gayassroulette: anyways

gayassroulette: obviously if i'm going around doing backflips i can't have my phone in my bra

gayassroulette: and so i just shove it down there so i can have it on me

gayassroulette: it's not exactly comfortable and it's pretty hard to grab it on short notice

gayassroulette: but it spices things up ;)

gaymess: ok but why not ANYWHERE ELSE

gayassroulette: come up with a better solution loser

gaymess: in your shoes

gaymess: don't you ever wear normal shoes

gayassroulette: binch i climb fifty-story buildings in six inch heels

gayassroulette: as a matter of fact i'm climbing yours now

gaymess: nO

gaymess: don't

gaymess: the last time you forgot that my window opens and you just kicked it in and the repairwoman showed up

gaymess: and by way of explanation i told her that i was throwing darts

gaymess: and now she thinks i'm nuts so do NOT

gayassroulette: ok fun-ruiner i'll just go to sawyer's

foodndogs: yeah um about that we might be currently a little busy on her bed

bonsaicop: whAT

foodndogs: you heard right [smug-faced emoji]

gaymess: that's disGUSTING

h4ck3r: ok children let's not fight

gaymess: yes madame root you are wonderful and amazing as usual

gaymess: STOP DOING THAT

Chapter Text

7:14 AM

supersquad™

h4ck3r: ladies and gentlemen and aliens and all

h4ck3r: welcome back to the supercorp fuckwit chatfic!!! :D

h4ck3r: i'm your host and main character, root!

foodndogs: root

h4ck3r: this is the light of my life, the fire of my loins, sameen shaw!

foodndogs: shut the fuck up.

foodndogs: go back to sleep it's too early for your omnipotence bullshit

h4ck3r: :(

h4ck3r: fine

foodndogs: also never say loins again

gaymess: hi everyone i still have a hangover and i want to die

gaymess: also roulette is passed out on my balcony with a shotglass balanced on her nose clutching a wad of money

gaymess: i'm pretty sure there's a gun poking out of her ass

gaymess: nope it's her phone

sunshinedanvers: alex!!!! i just punched out a guy and someone took a picture of it and i look so cool!!!

gaymess: you never look cool you nerd

gaymess: also should i wake roulette up or nah

gaymess: ok she is HOLDING A BOMB MAGGIE COME ON EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY I'LL JUST CALL HER FROM THE FREEWAY

purtyboy: dear god

purtyboy: also kara and lena: your interview with clark about whether or not kara's a tiger in bed

purtyboy: yeah um

purtyboy: that's today

purtyboy: at one o'clock

sunshinedanvers: RAO SAVE ME

 

--

7:23 AM

Call Transcript

Alex Danvers to Roulette

Roulette: *croaking* What the fuck.

Maggie: Hey, RoRo. What's up?

Roulette: Don't play games with me, Sawyer. I know where you live.

Alex: *faintly, in the distance* Is that Roulette? Give me the phone. *speaking* Good morning, you murderous bitch.

Roulette: Morning, you troll. What do you want?

Alex: Can you dispose of the bomb in your hand?

Roulette: Uh- I think my hand being on it is the only thing keeping it from going off.

Alex: God-fucking-dammit.

Roulette: Should I just leave it in your bathtub or something?

Alex: No! No! Do not do that!

Roulette: Fun-ruiner. Hey, what's with the shotglass?

Alex: I have no idea. You woke up with it on your nose.

Roulette: Are those hundred-dollar bills or fifties?

Alex: Fifties, I think.

[Roulette snorts in contempt, and there's the sound of someone shuffling around.]

Alex: Um, what are you doing?

Roulette: Where do you keep your glitter glue?

Alex: I don't-

Maggie: In the far right shelf of the living room.

Roulette: Got it.

Alex: What the fuck are you doing with glitter glue?

Roulette: I'm gluing fifty-dollar bills to the bomb.

Alex: Wha- why- that's- you know what, that's not even the strangest thing you've ever said.

Roulette: Mm. Shut the fuck up now, I'm decorating.

[There's silence for about five minutes, but for the squelch of wet glue and Roulette humming 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'.]

Roulette: Hey, can you guys stop by the crafts store?

Alex: Why?

Maggie: For what?

Roulette: I need some of those stick-on sequins and also the biggest package of rainbow glitter you can find.

Alex: Jesus. Okay. Just don't take your hand off the bomb.

[Driving sounds, and then the sound of someone turning into a lot. A few more minutes of the sounds of walking.]

Alex: *distantly* Maggie, that's thirty pounds of glitter. It's taller than you are.

Maggie: Yeah, but consider: it looks super gay.

Alex: Fucking Christ. Okay. Fine. How much is it?

Maggie: Fifty dollars.

Alex: What the hell? I'm not a goddamn millionaire. I can't afford this much glitter.

Roulette: Yes you can, bitch.

Alex: Fine! Jesus! I'll buy your damn glitter.

Roulette: Hurry. My hands are getting tired.

Alex: Oh, fuck you.

 

--

8:53 AM

supersquad™

gaymess: i fucking hate you

harlequin: ouch! that hurts, honeybear

gaymess: not you. roulette.

poison: what did she do?

gaymess: did you not see?

gaymess: she took me hostage and forced my sister to carry her two hundred feet above the city

gaymess: and then dropped the bag of glitter with a bomb in it

gaymess: and national city now has a glitter epidemic of incredible proportions

badasslane: SO THAT WAS YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

badasslane: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE THIS IS FOR THE CITY

badasslane: I HATE YOU

 

--

12:43 PM

super hecka cousins

imafuckingfeminist: i hope you know how much pain this is going to cause me, kara.

sunshinedanvers: WHAT ABOUT ME, CLARK?

sunshinedanvers: WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH

imafuckingfeminist: oh my god here's the transcript for the questions i'm asking please prepare yourselves in advance

imafuckingfeminist has attached a file to the chat: [ohraoihateeverything.word]

[How do you guys feel about being National City's cutest couple?

How did you guys meet?

Kara, can you tell me about how it is being the girlfriend of such a high-profile figure?

What are some things you love about each other?

What are some things you don't love so much about each other?

As for the recent tweet from Wonder Woman, what are your comments? (bleach my eyes oh rao)

How's that life going under the sheets, by the way? (so help me rao i'm not saying that)

What's the perfect date for both of you?

Can you guys give our readers some advice for their love lives?

Anything to say about popping the question?]

sunshinedanvers: oh rao

sunshinedanvers: please just shoot me now and get it over with

imafuckingfeminist: i hate everything so much

Chapter Text

3:03 PM

super hecka cousins

imafuckingfeminist: kara

imafuckingfeminist: not that i don't adore you

imafuckingfeminist: but i would like to actually apply bleach to my retinas

sunshinedanvers: that photoshoot was possibly the worst thing ever

imafuckingfeminist: james looked so uncomfortable oh rao

sunshinedanvers: it's nOT MY FAULT THAT THEY CHOSE TO HOLD THE SHOOT ON A BED

sunshinedanvers: and that lena likes being

sunshinedanvers: touchy

imafuckingfeminist: nO SHIT

imafuckingfeminist: WHY DOES SHE HAVE A FRAMED PICTURE OF THE WONDER WOMAN TWEET

sunshinedanvers: I DON'T KNOW CLARK I THINK CAT GRANT GAVE IT TO HER

imafuckingfeminist: THAT'S SO WEIRD

sunshinedanvers: I KNOW OKAY I KNOW

imafuckingfeminist: I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SHE LOOKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYE AND SAID

imafuckingfeminist: 'MY IDEAL DATE IS BREAKFAST AND BED, WITH DESSERT' AND THEN WINKED

imafuckingfeminist: AND I CAN'T PUT HER WONDER WOMAN RESPONSE IN THERE IT IS NOT PG ENOUGH

sunshinedanvers: was that the one where i left to the bathroom dear rao i don't want to know

imafuckingfeminist: '''''''bathroom''''''''

imafuckingfeminist: yes it DAMN WELL WAS

imafuckingfeminist: 'well, clark, i'll spare you the details, but' and then she proceeded to NOT SPARE THE DETAILS

imafuckingfeminist: 'she does this thing with her fingers that really works for me, ya know what i'm saying'

imafuckingfeminist: and then she made the universal gesture for scissoring

sunshinedanvers: oh rao

imafuckingfeminist: i'm going to go bleach my eyes bye

imafuckingfeminist: do you know if people can take away a pulitzer

 

--

3:12 PM

supersquad™

toohaughtflamethrower, and topshelf have entered the chat

flamethrower: holy shit! we're in a different universe!

topshelf: imno t drunk enough for this yet

topshelf: also why didnt my clothing teleport with me

flamethrower: you yelled something about 'does anyone have any goddamn weed'

topshelf: eh pretty normal occurrence

flamethrower: and stripped in the street and then fell on your face and passed out

topshelf: less normal usually i wait until im within staggering distance of the house

toohaught: please cover yourself.

topshelf: aw dont be shy haught you said it yourself

topshelf: this ass is top shelf

toohaught: top shelf or no you're my girlfriend's sister and for the love of god put some underwear on and stop doing yoga

gayassroulette: not to interrupt what appears to be a lovely bonding session

gayassroulette: but where the fuck are you guys

topshelf: dunno my phone was in my jeans

toohaught: we're in

toohaught: metropolis?

flamethrower: what!!??!?

h4ck3r: welcome to the gay and wondrous world of supergirl!

flamethrower: oh my god!!!!!!!

flamethrower: i love supergirl!

flamethrower: i read all the comics growing up!

sunshinedanvers: well, i'm the lady herself!

toohaught: it's a pleasure, miss danvers.

gayassroulette: hey, charmer, your girlfriend's standing right next to you

toohaught: just bein' polite, miss roulette.

gayassroulette: whatever

gayassroulette: we're driving out to metropolis now can you meet us by the bakery

flamethrower: wynonna, take the damn shirt before i finally get to properly use my shotgun.

gayassroulette: i'm gonna take that as confirmation bye also please don't kill each other

 

--

3:58 PM

premium maggie sawyer advice™

bonsaicop: not to be that bitch

bonsaicop: but something's wrong

sunshinehoe: ?

bonsaicop: and this is not only due to the fact that wynonna earp came here without any clothes but

bonsaicop: apparently carries a gun called peacemaker

bonsaicop: which she keeps in her ass

bonsaicop: or an ass holster

bonsaicop: i'm trying not to think about it but anyways

bonsaicop: my main problem is that

bonsaicop: you and kara have only been dating for a few months at most

sunshinehoe: Yes, and?

bonsaicop:  is kara really proposing to you?

sunshinehoe: Kara’s proposing to me?!??!!!!

bonsaicop: well, according to alex

sunshinehoe: Alex told you Kara’s proposing to me?

bonsaicop: and i’ve been thinking about it and it doesn’t make any sense

bonsaicop: cause they’ve been hanging around the wedding shops

bonsaicop: and i can think of approximately 0 explanations

sunshinehoe: Kara wouldn’t propose on such short notice. She likes to take things slow.

sunshinehoe: Very slow.

bonsaicop: didn’t need to know that thanks

bonsaicop: also i may have made a few things up in the course of my life

bonsaicop: including

sunshinehoe: …Well?

sunshinehoe: Spit it out, Sawyer.

bonsaicop: meanie

bonsaicop: well uh

bonsaicop: i might have

bonsaicop: accidentally

bonsaicop: like totally accidentally

bonsaicop: i’m like a little innocent angel

bonsaicop: but with a better ass ya know lmao

bonsaicop: but uh

sunshinehoe: Just tell me!

bonsaicop: ok ok jeez louise what’s with the peer pressure

bonsaicop: i had a little talk with roulette

bonsaicop: and she told me to be honest about my feelings and my mistakes

sunshinehoe: No, she didn’t. And stop stalling.

bonsaicop: you’re right yeah she told me to suck it up and ‘be your proud gunbitch self’

bonsaicop: i digress

bonsaicop: essentially

bonsaicop: i may have

bonsaicop: totally accidentally

bonsaicop: told the love of my life alexandra danvers

bonsaicop: that you

bonsaicop: were proposing to her little sister

sunshinehoe: I’m sorry?

sunshinehoe: You did what?

bonsaicop: i nEEDED A COVER I’M SORRY

sunshinehoe: So Alex thinks I’m proposing to Kara?

bonsaicop: yeah but really kara’s proposing to you

sunshinehoe: But is she?

sunshinehoe: I’m 99% sure that she would wait a little longer, till we were both prepared for it.

sunshinehoe: It’s not a very Kara-like thing to do, if you think about it.

bonsaicop: ok so what if kara’s not proposing

bonsaicop: why would they be at the wedding shops

 

--

4:21 PM

supercorp soulmates

sunshinehoe: Kara, I need help.

sunshinedanvers: what’s wrong??

sunshinehoe: I’m not in danger or anything.

sunshinehoe: Look, I’m just going to ask you now.

sunshinehoe: Are you proposing to me?

sunshinedanvers: um?

sunshinedanvers: not to my knowledge?

sunshinedanvers: we’ve only been dating for a few months!

sunshinedanvers: why, do you want to get married now?

sunshinehoe: No, no!

sunshinehoe: Maggie’s suspicious.

sunshinehoe: She doesn’t think that Alex is proposing, not yet.

sunshinehoe: But if you’re not proposing, then you two have no other reason to be in the shops.

sunshinehoe: I’ve attempted to help Alex’s situation, but I’m running out of ideas.

sunshinedanvers: okay, okay!

sunshinedanvers: i have an idea!

sunshinedanvers: tell her that i tried to dodge the question

sunshinedanvers: set it up like i’m actually planning to propose to you

sunshinedanvers: we only need to do this for another three weeks

sunshinedanvers: which is when alex is set to propose

sunshinehoe: And Maggie, too.

sunshinehoe: The observatory, right?

sunshinedanvers: yep!

sunshinehoe: Oh God. This is going to be a bad idea.

sunshinehoe: Okay, okay. Let’s do this.

sunshinedanvers: aw i love you

sunshinedanvers: i might drop in at your office in a moment

sunshinedanvers: it’s been way too long since i last kissed you

sunshinehoe: You saw me this morning.

sunshinedanvers: i know

sunshinedanvers: like i said

sunshinedanvers: way too long

 

--

4:34 PM

premium maggie sawyer advice™

sunshinehoe: I just asked Kara, up-front, to her face, if she was proposing.

bonsaicop: oH MY GOD DID YOU ACTUALLY

bonsaicop: ONLY YOU, BABY LUTHOR

bonsaicop: ONLY YOU WOULD PULL THAT KINDA SHIT

sunshinehoe: She tried to dodge the question, and then she just left the chat.

bonsaicop: oh

bonsaicop: OH

bonsaicop: ARE YOU SERIOUS

sunshinehoe: i think she really is planning on proposing

bonsaicop: oh my GOD

bonsaicop: this is so weird I LOVE IT

bonsaicop: do you think you’ll say yes when she asks?

sunshinehoe: I don’t doubt it.

 

--

4:37 PM

supersquad™

gayassroulette: that road trip took significantly longer than planned

flamethrower: not to be accusatory but it’s wynonna’s fault

topshelf: im offended sis

flamethrower: you made us stop at three different liquor stores

gayassroulette: and midway between store 2 and store 3 you poured whiskey on my dash

gayassroulette: and said some shit about ‘inferior brands’

gayassroulette: and now the rockets don’t work anymore

gaymess: rockets?

gayassroulette: do you guys not have rocket launchers inside your cars

gaymess: hm i wonder

gayassroulette: anyway the lovebirds and the adult honey boo boo child are now safely tucked away

gayassroulette: in mY GODDAMN APARTMENT

gayassroulette: ALEX GETS SKIMMONS AND HARLIVY

gayassroulette: MAGGIE GETS ROOT AND SHAW (and bear which i’m even madder about)

gayassroulette: AND I GET THE SHOTGUN-HAPPY CHEERLEADER,

gayassroulette: THE MADDENINGLY ATTRACTIVE COWGIRL,

gayassroulette: AND THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD NAKED BABY WITH A PISTOL.

flamethrower:

harlequin:

poison:

toohaught:

purtyboy:

skyethegreat:

badasslane:

roseandrosie:

simmons:

gaymess:

barackobama:

topshelf: ouch

Chapter Text

1:02 AM

gayassroulette has created a chat: wyNOnna

gayassroulette has added topshelf

gayassroulette: yoU'RE A FUCKING CHILD I SWEAR

gayassroulette: A TWENTY SEVEN YEAR OLD

gayassroulette: WITH THE MATURITY OF A TODDLER AND THE EMOTIONAL CAPACITY OF A ONE YEAR OLD

gayassroulette: WITH AN UNDYING LOVE FOR UNHEALTHY AMOUNTS OF LIQUOR AND AN INFURIATINGLY GREAT ASS

topshelf: what can i say the ass is genetic

gayassroulette: yeah well DO I CARE

topshelf: yes you do i see you looking

gayassroulette: ...

topshelf: ur not subtle bitch

gayassroulette: well the ass is countered by the fact that you sent me on a 'necessary errand' at MIDNIGHT

topshelf: it's not like we were sleeping 

topshelf: and also post coital doughnuts are important

gayassroulette: .....

gayassroulette: anyways i'm driving back now

gayassroulette: with three powdered jelly and a dozen assorted doughnuts and rainbow edible glitter, as requested

gayassroulette: and also a grenade but whatever unimportant am i right

gayassroulette: anyways how're you planning on eating the doughnuts

topshelf: im not eating all of them

topshelf: did you buy the nails too

gayassroulette: yeah eleven six-inch nails  

topshelf: dont they come in a dozen pack

gayassroulette: the hardware guy grabbed my ass so i nailed his hand to the wall

topshelf: thats my girl

gayassroulette: what exactly are you planning with the doughnuts tho

topshelf: im making russian roulette doughnuts

gayassroulette: .....?

topshelf: im filling each one from the assorted with glitter and then one of them will have the bomb

gayassroulette: ok what are you doing with them

topshelf: ill set them out at the deo and hope for the worst

topshelf: also the three jelly-filled are for me im hungry

 

--

7:32 AM

wayhaught

toohaught: why is wynonna flirting with roulette

flamethrower: she's a creature of inexplicable habits

flamethrower: like attraction to mysterious gorgeous people with shady backstories

toohaught: ok not that i'm not happy for her

toohaught: but also her bedroom is right next to ours

flamethrower: oh god

flamethrower: i forgot about that

toohaught: i think they used roulette's last night

toohaught: the screams were a little quieter than i expected

flamethrower: niCOLE

toohaught: sorry! sorry

 

--

8:04 AM

supersquad™

topshelf: whats up BITCHES!!!!

notthrowingawaymyschott: no.

gaymess: no one loves you.

bossassbitch: fuck off, winnie.

topshelf: i have doughnuts

notthrowingawaymyschott: ! im sorry ! i didnt mean it!!!

gaymess: i regret everything i love you

purtyboy: pLEASE

sunshinedanvers: !! <3

topshelf: yall are fake

topshelf: oh i SEE you goin for those doughnuts winslow well guess what

topshelf: this is what i like to call

topshelf: doughnut roulette

notthrowingawaymyschott: what

gayassroulette: allow me to explain

gayassroulette: all of these doughnuts are delicious and wonderful

gayassroulette: four contain maple glaze

gayassroulette: three contain a chocolate filling

gayassroulette: one contains an apple fritter

gayassroulette: one contains cinnamon

gayassroulette: one contains mango

gayassroulette: one contains a grenade

gayassroulette: one contains lemon glaze

gayassroulette: and one contains sugar fried carrot cake

purtyboy: did you just say a grenade

gayassroulette: :)

topshelf: who wants to try?

notthrowingawaymyschott: i cALL THE APPLE FRITTER I DON'T CARE IF I DIE IT LOOKS SO GOOD

purtyboy: LEMON GLAZE IS MINE

gaymess: CHOCOLATE

badasslane: tOUCH THAT MANGO AND YOU DIE

sunshinedanvers: I CALL THREE OF THE MAPLES AND ALSO THE CARROT AND ALSO THE CINNAMON

gaymess: YOU CAN'T DO THAT

sunshinedanvers: YES I CAN I CALL ALL THE REST OF THE CHOCOLATES TOO

gaymess: tHEN I CALL THE LAST MAPLE BITCH HOW YOU LIKE THAT HUH

spacedad: actually, that maple is mine, so hands off, alexandra.

gaymess: bETRAYED

sunshinedanvers: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAJCGHJKLGSEYRTDHFGCNHVKKJVBMH

gaymess: hOLY SHIT

gaymess: ok ok she's fine she's fine it's all good

gaymess: that's what you GET FOR BEING A GREEDY PIG AND STEALING MY CHOCOLATES

purtyboy: iT JUST BLEW UP IN HER MOUTH SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BEEN SLAPPED OMG

sunshinehoe: What happened? Why do I have so many notifications?

gaymess: A DOUGHNUT BLEW UP IN UR GFS MOUTH I'M HISSING

sunshinehoe: What? Kara? Are you okay?

sunshinedanvers: no

sunshinehoe: What? Are you hurt?

sunshinedanvers: yes

sunshinedanvers: i've learned something today

sunshinedanvers: sometimes

sunshinedanvers: the things you love

sunshinedanvers: are the things

sunshinedanvers: that hurt you

sunshinedanvers: the most

gaymess: i'M CRYIGN SHE LOOKS GENUINELY BETRAYED

sunshinedanvers: they ask you how you are, and you just have to say you're fine when you're not really fine

sunshinedanvers: but you just can't get into it, because they would never understand

sunshinedanvers: i'm taking my doughnuts and i'm leaving before i get hurt anymore

sunshinehoe: ... ?

gaymess: thIS IS HANDS DOWN THE FUNNIEST SHIT

notthrowingawaymyschott: I CAN'T BREATHE

badasslane: KARA OMG

purtyboy: OVERREACTION MUCH LMAO

topshelf: this turned out so much better than anyone could have hoped for

 

--

1:23 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: baby luthor

sunshinehoe: Yes?

gaymess: have you seen maggie

sunshinehoe: She's with me.

gaymess: where are you guys

sunshinehoe: The Apple store.

gaymess: why

sunshinehoe: Her phone got smashed while she was breaking up a bar fight.

sunshinehoe: So I'm buying her a new one.

gaymess: ? she broke her phone?

gaymess: she didn't mention it last night

sunshinehoe: Well, I'm not sure about all the happenings.

sunshinehoe: She just showed up at my door with a black eye and a broken phone.

sunshinehoe: She's been quiet since, just kind of scowling at the ground.

gaymess: is she okay???

sunshinehoe: I don't know. We're buying the phone now, and after that she'll be back at my place.

sunshinehoe: She says she wants you to come over.

gaymess: okay

 

--

5:17 PM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: it’s game night!!!!

notthrowingawaymyschott: ive got the popcorn!

purtyboy: chocolate’s on me

sunshinedanvers: lena and i can grab the ice cream!

gayassroulette: i’ll go find some slightly illegal pre-release games from my sources in the black market :)

spacedad: i’m baking a lasagne.

flamethrower: nicole and i are at the market what kind of pie do you guys want?

badasslane: apple

notthrowingawaymyschott: apple crumble!!

flamethrower: okay, we got it

topshelf: i’ll bring peacemaker

toohaught: no

toohaught: don’t

topshelf: ?? why not? huh?

toohaught: last time, you nearly blew someone’s leg off

topshelf: fair point i’ll leave it unloaded

sunshinedanvers: where’s alex? she usually volunteers for something by this point!

spacedad: she left the deo this afternoon at 1:30. i believe it was something to do with maggie.

sunshinedanvers: maggie? is she okay?

spacedad: she will be.

sunshinedanvers: is she hurt?

spacedad: she has a black eye, but that’s not really the problem.

bonsaicop: it’s cool, j’onn. i can explain

spacedad: of course.

bonsaicop: there was a barfight between a bunch of people in one of the seedier bars

bonsaicop: it turned into an all-out brawl

bonsaicop: three of them were aliens, the other were part of an anti-alien hate group

bonsaicop: they said some nasty shit, and it brought back a few of the worse memories

bonsaicop: i’m okay now, though

gaymess: and lena went overboard and stress-baked five trays of cookies in the time it took to get to her apartment

topshelf: yay! cookies!

flamethrower: WYNONNA! WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT WHISKEY BEFORE NINE O’CLOCK?

toohaught: waves just pulled out her shotgun, so we’re ridin’ on sheer hope now. see y’all round!

gayassroulette: caN YOU STOP DEMOLISHING MY HOUSE I PAID MILLIONS FOR THAT UPHOLSTERY

gaymess: millions my ass u cheapskate

gayassroulette: how Dare you i am a creature of Wealth and Expensive Pretentious Taste

sunshinehoe: That's a lie. You bought your furniture from IKEA and your household decorations from Wal-Mart.

gayassroulette: oUCH

gayassroulette: beTRAYED bY MY OWN KINSWOMAN

gayassroulette: a stake through my heart

gayassroulette: i still can't believe you paid 1.2 million for the apartment that you spend literally thirty nights in per year

gaymess: 1.2 MILLION LUTHOR ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

sunshinehoe: It's not my fault I'm rich!

gaymess: YES IT IS actually fair point it's not

gaymess: but you know what you could do with all that wealth

sunshinehoe: What?

gaymess: bUY ME SOME MORE GODDAMN WHISKEY

topshelf: theres a girl after my own heart

Chapter Text

10:05 AM

supersquad™

uselesslesbianvampire and cookiegay have entered the chat

gaymess: dear god not more gays

sunshinedanvers: hi!!!!

h4ck3r: what's up! :D

uselesslesbianvampire: not to be.... that bitch

uselesslesbianvampire: but whom the fuck are you people and where in the sweet asshole of satan are we

sunshinedanvers: national city! i'm kara danvers!

cookiegay: oH MY SWEET VERONICA MARS

cookiegay: YOU'RE SUPERGIRL!!!

sunshinedanvers: .........

cookiegay: CARM WE'RE IN SUPERGIRL'S UNIVERSE!!!!!

cookiegay: I'VE MARATHONED THAT SHOW 10 TIMES!!!!!!!

cookiegay: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE IN THE SUPERGIRL UNIVERSE HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????

gaymess: allow me to explain

gaymess: i'm alex, by the way

cookiegay: i know

cookiegay: oh god that was creepy wasn't it i'm sorry i just love your show so much aaaaaa

gaymess: okay okay

gaymess: our earth has pieces of pink kryptonite embedded in it

gaymess: and the core is also made of pink kryptonite

gaymess: so essentially, the force of the pink kryptonite is so strong

gaymess: that it sucks in people from alternate universes

gaymess: so like if we do a headcount

gaymess: the first ones were sara and nyssa, i think

boobrampager: yep!! doin' shots in metropolis with lolo lane

babygayassassin: Help me.

gaymess: and then the flashy kids, aka barry and iris, who live in one of lena luthor's many houses

flashyboy: hey! what's up?

iristheobliviousangel: lena has SO much expensive furniture i think she specially ordered chanel chairs i didn’t even know they existed

gaymess: and, after them, harley and ivy. we're still not sure how they got here. they're staying with me.

harlequin: hey, y'all! how ya doin'?

poison: touch my plants and you die, vampire.

uselesslesbianvampire: i'd like to see you try, ivy.

cookiegay: carm. what. how do you know poison ivy????????

uselesslesbianvampire: long story. she’s a bitch.

harlequin: hey! watch your mouth round my missus!

gaymess: anYWAY anyways i'm sure you've heard of skimmons! they've been locked inside their bedroom for the past week so

cookiegay: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SKIMMONS

uselesslesbianvampire: !

skyethegreat: hey, guys? what's happening why does everyone know who we are

simmons: oh, isn't it wonderful? all sorts of newcomers getting up to all sorts of shenanigans!

gaymess: and root, shaw, and bear

cookiegay: oh!! from person of interest! i love your show!!!!!

uselesslesbianvampire: wait i thought root died

h4ck3r: as if, sweetheart :)

foodndogs: moving on

gaymess: the latest arrivals, waverly earp and nicole haught

gaymess: and *deep sigh* wynonna

topshelf: ouch you fucking bitch fight me

cookiegay: oh dude i love wynonna earp!

topshelf: see everyone loves me

cookiegay: yeah you have a whole show in our world!

flamethrower: wait why is wynonna the title character

cookiegay: she has a cooler name sorry waverly!!!

cookiegay: omg i can’t believe i’m talking to waverly earp i’M

cookiegay: wait last i saw you were kissing rosita

topshelf: whAT

flamethrower: ???????????????????

toohaught: waves? explain???

flamethrower: ????????? i am? equally confused?????

uselesslesbianvampire: jfc cupcake

 

--

11:31 AM

hollstein

cookiegay: carm i can’t believe we’re going to go to noonan’s!!! this is so cool!!!!!!!!!!!

uselesslesbianvampire: meh

cookiegay: don’t ‘meh’ me you silly creature i KNOW that you keep the comics under your bed

uselesslesbianvampire: first off, not silly

uselesslesbianvampire: secondly, those are your comics. they end up under my bed because whenever kara’s love interest shows up you scream and throw the comic across the room and leave to buy more cookies

cookiegay: okay that might be true but even so! carm! we’re actually going to noonan’s!

cookiegay: we’re going to eat at the same café that kara ‘supergirl’ danvers/zor-el and lena lesbian luthor have flirted in

uselesslesbianvampire: not interested, cutie.

cookiegay: there’ll be cookies and hot cocoa!!!!!

uselesslesbianvampire: cupcake. i’m a vampire.

cookiegay: well, only kind of. please!

uselesslesbianvampire: no.

cookiegay: but roulette will be there! you love roulette!

uselesslesbianvampire: … fair point. her character’s like chicken noodle soup for my tormented soul.

gayassroulette has forcibly entered the chat

gayassroulette: you like me huh ;) ;)

uselesslesbianvampire: hOW DID YOU

uselesslesbianvampire: you’re not even a part of hollstein get out

gayassroulette: ;) ;) ;) i could be ;) if you ;) know what ;) i’m saying ;) ;) ;)

cookiegay has removed gayassroulette from the chat

cookiegay: that’s stupid

cookiegay: no

uselesslesbianvampire: cupcake…

uselesslesbianvampire: are you jealous?

cookiegay: nO OF COURSE NOT

cookiegay: HAHA AS IF

uselesslesbianvampire: mm-hm.

uselesslesbianvampire: sure looks like jealous behaviour, is all i’m saying.

cookiegay: jealous? what? me? haha no

cookiegay: i just suddenly have an enormous dislike for roulette

cookiegay: and i’m going to burn all of my roulette memorabilia when we get back

uselesslesbianvampire: tell me again how you’re not jealous?

cookiegay: not. jealous.

 

--

3:41 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: leNA LUTHOR

sunshinehoe: What?

gaymess: oh ok ur still alive

gaymess: we’re just gonna have a chat real fast

gaymess: hm ok let’s start off with

gaymess: wHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WALKING IN THE DEO LIKE THAT

gaymess: YOU MIGHT BE FUCKING SUPERGIRL BUT AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED YOU WILL NOT WALK INTO MY GODDAMN HOUSE IN YOUR GODDAMN CHANEL AND TRY TO BOSS MY AGENTS AROUND

gaymess: furthermore

gaymess: what’s this i hear about you and kara doing the do mm mm ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

sunshinehoe: Why do you alternate between being disgusted and supportive of our bedroom activities?

gaymess: it’s my style baby luthor don’t question it

sunshinehoe: …Okay.

gaymess: anyways

gaymess: before you got kicked out of the deo for impROPER INTRUSION

gaymess: you wanted to talk with me?

sunshinehoe: …I’ll call you.

 

--

3:52 PM

Call Transcript

Lena Luthor to Alex Danvers

Lena: *nervously* Hello, Alex.

Alex: What’s up? Why do you sound like you’re about to faint?

Lena: I, um- well, you see, I happen to be in a situation which I have long desired to be in, and I am taking the initiative, as one must in such occasions, despite any embarrassment which might be caused to me, and I just-

Alex: Okay. Who did you murder?

Lena: I- what?

Alex: You’re talking like someone’s interrogating you. What’s wrong? Have you been kidnapped again? Did one of your boobs pop?

Lena: My- what? No! And they’re not fake! I don’t- that’s so- *righteous spluttering*.

Alex: Okay, then what?

Lena: Well, uh, I-

Alex: I don’t have all day, Luthor.

Lena: *mumbled very quickly* Iwanttohavesexwithyoursister.

[On the other end of the line, Alex freezes, the phone nearly dropping out of her hand. Her expression flashes between shocked, disgusted, victorious, nauseous, and disgusted again before finally settling on a mix of disgust and a tentative hope.]

Alex: I’m sorry, what?

Lena: *even faster. she is blushing bright red* Iwanttohavesexwithyoursister.

[A pause. Both of them are more embarrassed than they have ever been in their whole life.]

Lena: *now starting to ramble in a desperate attempt to fill the awkwardness* Youknowbecauseshe’s *whispered* SupergirlIdon’twantanyonetogethurtbutyouknowhowitiswellIguessyoudon’tbut-

Alex: *with a pained expression* Luthor. Stop. No more talking. Please. God.

[More silence.]

Alex: *quietly* God, why me? Okay. What.

Lena: Um, how do you- her powers?

Alex: I have- Jesus, fuck, why me- a sort of serum that can temporarily deactivate her superstrength for about an hour.

Lena: Um. Okay. Anything, uh, longer than that?

Alex: *hissed* Jesus. Fuck.

Lena: Sorry. I, uh-

Alex: No. No more rambling. Fuck. Okay. Um. I have a three-hour version, if I just change the ratio a little. I’ll have it sent to the DEO. I just. Fuck.

Lena: Are you okay?

Alex: No. *fervently* God, no. Let’s never speak of this again.

Lena: Agreed.

 

--

11:16 PM

cookiegay has created a new chat: watch it, missy

cookiegay has added gayassroulette

cookiegay: sta y awayfrm myy vampire ou frightenninsgly attractive helalbeast

cookiegay: also i reeaally loveyur face its rlly good and also yr tattooos omg aAAAA but nyways i digres hands offf my gf veronicaa

Chapter Text

6:05 AM

la sœurs danvers (alex is pretentious)

sunshinedanvers: ONE WEEK

sunshinedanvers: ALEX WAKE UP IT'S ONE WEEK

sunshinedanvers: ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

sunshinedanvers: ALEX

gaymess: shut your hell mouth

sunshinedanvers: :( come on!!!

gaymess: fine fuck okay i'm up

sunshinedanvers: there's one week left!

gaymess: ....?

sunshinedanvers: ONE WEEK UNTIL YOUR proposal AAAAAAAAAAAA

gaymess: was that supposed to be your text version of whispering or?

sunshinedanvers: yep yep!!!

gaymess: k

gaymess: why did you wake me up at the asscrack of dawn on a saturday to tell me that

sunshinedanvers: cause it's so eXCITING!!!!!!!

sunshinedanvers: ok also i called in that favour with the aquarium owner and you have it from 8-10!!!!!!!!!!!

sunshinedanvers: you have the ring, right?

gaymess: back pocket

gaymess: i keep it close to my ass at all times

sunshinedanvers: [angry face emoji]

gaymess: :)

 

--

8:41 AM

premium maggie sawyer advice™

sunshinehoe: You still have the ring?

bonsaicop: do you really think i'm that irresponsible

bonsaicop: i keep it in my fanny pack

sunshinehoe: ...

sunshinehoe: You have a fanny pack?

bonsaicop: yes it's my prized possession

sunshinehoe: That's lovely but also hilarious.

bonsaicop: i know it's my aesthetic

sunshinehoe: Okay. I have an issue.

bonsaicop: oh dear god not another one

sunshinehoe: Not with me. With your aquarium.

bonsaicop: what?

sunshinehoe: It's already booked.

bonsaicop: ah shit

sunshinehoe: I'll just buy a new one. They're not too expensive, right?

bonsaicop: luthor control your wallet for five minutes please i'm not letting you buy a aquarium

sunshinehoe: You never know. It could be a useful business asset.

bonsaicop: oh really? i bet all the turtles would be great at accounting

sunshinehoe: Like I said: you never know.

 

--

11:05 AM

winn (me, myself, and i)

notthrowingawaymyschott: to-do list

notthrowingawaymyschott: download the 10 hour version of matt mulholland's 'my heart will go on' and play it on the deo speakers

notthrowingawaymyschott: annoy alex until she tries to punch me and then run away really really fast

notthrowingawaymyschott: get kara to buy me ice cream

notthrowingawaymyschott: see if roulette really can do a triple flip in one jump and run away when it inevitably backfires

notthrowingawaymyschott: give nicole the $20 that i lost betting that wynonna and roulette wouldn't have sex in the deo (rip j'onn 2k17)

notthrowingawaymyschott: send lena a 'i'm fucking supergirl' t-shirt, signed by supergirl

notthrowingawaymyschott: update my superman fanpage

notthrowingawaymyschott: figure out how to change lena's home screen to a collage dedicated to supergirl's biceps

jparmitage: hello!

notthrowingawaymyschott: whAT JJHGFBUCJK

notthrowingawaymyschott: wHO WHAT IS FUCK

jparmitage: i'm jp armitage. do you know where laura and lafontaine and the others are?

notthrowingawaymyschott: wait like

notthrowingawaymyschott: laura hollis?

jparmitage: yes.

notthrowingawaymyschott: yeah she's wandering the deo with kara talking about journalism like nerds

notthrowingawaymyschott: more importantly how the fuck did you get into my phone

jparmitage: well, i'm plugged into the deo network.

notthrowingawaymyschott: ??? who are you??????

notthrowingawaymyschott: i don't know anyone, except maybe lena, who could do that and she's. well. are you lena?

jparmitage: no. i'm jp.

notthrowingawaymyschott: okay, then, if you're a friend of laura's, then you're from another dimension

jparmitage: yes! i'm- well, i'm an ai, i suppose.

notthrowingawaymyschott: so you're a permanent presence in my phone?

jparmitage: and all the deo computers, including any that has had contact with one.

notthrowingawaymyschott: wait. can you access the computer of someone named lena luthor?

jparmitage: yes, i believe so.

notthrowingawaymyschott: ... i need a favour.

 

--

11:14 AM

sunshinehoe has created a chat: science

sunshinehoe has added notthrowingawaymyschott

sunshinehoe: Winn.

sunshinehoe: How did you get into my phone?

sunshinehoe: I can see your read receipts.

sunshinehoe: I'm going to sic Alex on you.

notthrowingawaymyschott: nO PLEASE HAVE MERCY

notthrowingawaymyschott: LAURA AND CARMILLA BROUGHT OVER AN AI NAMED JP WHEN THEY ARRIVED AND HE HAS ACCESS TO THE DEO'S COMPUTERS

sunshinehoe: ... Let me meet him.

jparmitage: hi! lena luthor, correct? i've seen so much of you from laura's marathoning!

sunshinehoe: A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Armitage. I have a few questions about your existence, but we'll get to those later.

jparmitage: i'd be delighted to do so.

notthrowingawaymyschott: so....

notthrowingawaymyschott: did you like the background or no?

sunshinehoe: ...

sunshinehoe: I love it.

 

--

12:12 AM

lesbihonest

gaymess: god i'm tired as shit

bonsaicop: mood

bonsaicop: can't believe this garbage it's only noon

gaymess: do you know if they service caffeine in IV drips bc i need one

bonsaicop: ugh

sunshinehoe: I've been up since 4 AM and I feel fine!

gaymess: baby luthor?

sunshinehoe: Yes?

gaymess: shut your fucking mouth

sunshinehoe: ...

sunshinehoe: Hypocrite.

gaymess: biTCH

gaymess: COME AT ME

gaymess: IF THAT DISRESPECT RUBS OFF ON MY SISTER I WILL TAKE SOME DRASTIC MEASURES

sunshinehoe: That's not going to be the only thing rubbing off on her in the next few hours.

sunshinehoe: If you know what I mean.

gaymess: ......

 

--

12:15 AM

supersquad™

notthrowingawaymyschott: alex looks EVEN MADDER THAN USUAL HELP

notthrowingawaymyschott: oh. oh shit

notthrowingawaymyschott: she's making that face again we're all gonna die

notthrowingawaymyschott: FUCK

spacedad: language, winslow.

notthrowingawaymyschott: sorry dad

sunshinedanvers: oh boy alex looks mad

sunshinedanvers: hey alex! where're you going?

gaymess: i'm on my way to murder your girlfriend

h4ck3r: hey! that's not nice :(

sunshinedanvers: what???? what happened?? also, you can't do that!!

gaymess: baby luthor out here talking shit well she's going to GET IT THAT'S WHAT SHE'S GOING TO DO

sunshinehoe: You could, indeed, say that I am about to 'get it'.

notthrowingawaymyschott: from the piercing scream that alex just let out i'm going to assume this is what this is about also i have n ida what is jappeninga

gayassroulette: ooh drama ;) ;)

gayassroulette: just pulled up to the deo in my sleek new benz lookin fresh

gayassroulette: whOA WHAT THE HELL GET OUT OF MY CAR

gaymess: just need to borrow it for a second

gaymess: gotta get to the lcorp building

gayassroulette: what

gaymess: drive.

gayassroulette: ok ok jfc calm your pantyhose i'm driving

spacedad: no texting and driving!

sunshinehoe: Alex, are you seriously going to do this?

gaymess: heads up luthor we might have broken a few dozen traffic laws but i am HERE AND READY TO MURDER

sunshinehoe: .......

sunshinehoe: Help.

 

Chapter Text

1:14 PM

supersquad™

notthrowingawaymyschott: okay alex has been restrained

notthrowingawaymyschott: she looks so unintimidating now it's a little unnerving

gaymess: say that again and i'll detach your pinky finger from the rest of your body

notthrowingawaymyschott: okay! okay we're all good things are back to normal whoop-de-doo

gayassroulette: i can't believe you totalled my one-day old benz i didn't even get insurance on it yet

gaymess: as if any sane, legal insurer would ever sell you insurance you probably total a car every week

gayassroulette: EXPLOSIONS DON'T JUST HAPPEN OKAY SOMEONE NEEDS TO LOOK COOL

gayassroulette: and who said my insurer was legal?

badasslane: is there... illegal insurance?

gayassroulette: ;)

badasslane: nO

badasslane: I HAVE BEEN UNDER FEDERAL INVESTIGATION FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS FOR A FUCKING WINKY FACE I AM NOT ABOUT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN

gayassroulette: ;)

gayassroulette: i'm ;) just ;) saying ;) that ;) perhaps ;) my ;) good ;) pal ;) in ;) the ;) deo ;)

gayassroulette: might ;) be ;) able ;) to ;) help ;) me ;) out ;) of ;) a ;) few ;) bureaucratic ;) tight ;) spots ;)

badasslane: FUCK OFF

gayassroulette: miss ;) lane ;) my ;) oh ;) my ;) how ;) interesting ;)

gayassroulette: i ;) can't ;) believe ;) you'd ;) speak ;) to ;) an ;) international ;) criminal ;) in ;) such ;) a ;) manner ;)

badasslane: i hate this

badasslane: i hate my job

badasslane: i hate my life

badasslane: and i ESPECIALLY detest you

gayassroulette: ouch cut me deeper lane

gayassroulette: i thought that million-dollar gift was proof of our unextinguishable bond

badasslane: kiss my ass roulette

gayassroulette: been there done that

gaymess: ...

purtyboy: ...

badasslane: ...

sunshinehoe: ... Um, where's the refutal?

badasslane: ... i hate you

gaymess: wHAT

purtyboy: WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

badasslane: it was onE TIME

gayassroulette: more than once sweetheart

sunshinedanvers: unexpected but i'm happy for you i guess?

purtyboy: WHEN???!!!???

badasslane: after game night

gaymess: I Cannot Believe that you have defiled game night in such a way i can never look at my couch the same way again

gaymess: WAIT

gaymess: DID YOU DO IT ON MY COUCH

gaymess: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DID IT ON MY COUCH I AM DISINVITING BOTH OF YOU FROM GAME NIGHT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES

badasslane: not on your couch

gaymess: WHERE

gayassroulette: up against the alleyway wall

gaymess: THAT'S SO NASTY

gaymess: TELL ME MORE

badasslane: nothing more to tell

gayassroulette: mm that nothing lasted around three months

gaymess: WHAT SINCE WHEN

gayassroulette: eh

gayassroulette: january

sunshinedanvers: uh

sunshinedanvers: guys?

sunshinedanvers: is my sister okay?

sunshinedanvers: she's just staring at her phone and mumbling 'january' over and over again

gayassroulette: :)

 

--

2:42 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess has added badasslane and gayassroulette

gaymess: yo roulette

gayassroulette: hold on i'm doing some heisting

gaymess: should i legally be allowed to know that

gayassroulette: consider it a part of freedom of speech

gaymess: how

gaymess: you're stealing things

gayassroulette: well

gayassroulette: by taking from the rich i am making an anti-capitalism statement

gayassroulette: and also paying off my student debt

gaymess: how do you have student debt

gaymess: didn't you go to boarding school

gayassroulette: HEY

gayassroulette: MIT IS EXPENSIVE

badasslane: also aren't you a billionaire?

gayassroulette: nah

badasslane: ?????? yes you are you literally bought a benz yesterday ??????

gayassroulette: well

gayassroulette: i got absolutely smashed a few years back and got on facebook and then i ended up donating seven billion dollars to old friends senior dog sanctuary

gaymess: THAT IS

gaymess: actually pretty expected from you

gayassroulette: yeah and then i gave lucy a million dollars and that benz was a gift from cat grant

gaymess: WHAT

gaymess: CAT GRANT

gayassroulette: mm

gaymess: THAT'S REALLY WEIRD FILING THAT AWAY FOR FURTHER REFERENCE BUT STILL I'M STUCK ON THE 'GAVE LUCY A MILLION DOLLARS' PART

gaymess: ARE YOU HER SUGAR MOMMY NOW

badasslane: ALEX DO NOT

gaymess: you two are gonna get so much shit for this i'm telling you

 

--

2:49 PM

supersquad™

gaymess: HEY

gaymess: GAYS

gaymess: *guys but well it doesn't really need to be changed

gayassroulette: true lmao

gaymess: ANYWAYS I HAVE SOME NEWS

sunshinedanvers: what? :D

gaymess: ROULETTE WAS LUCY'S SUGAR MOMMY

h4ck3r: oh! i knew that

bonsaicop: oh my gOD REALLY

purtyboy: WHAAAAAAT

badasslane: ...

badasslane: i don't like where this is going

 

--

3:24 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: no but actually i've been thinking about this and

gaymess: roulette has banged almost every powerful lesbian in national city

gaymess: lena, lucy

gaymess: the only one she hasn't gotten to is cat grant

gayassroulette: well

gayassroulette: about that benz

gayassroulette: lucy's not the only one with a sugar mommy

gaymess: ROULETTE YOU NASTY BITCH

 

--

5:03 PM

lesbihonest

gaymess: hey veronica [that one innuendo emoji fuck if i know what it's called but it looks like that one asshole who says 'that's what she said' every time anyone says anything ever]

gayassroulette: i'll murder you

gayassroulette: what

gaymess: we got an inside source in your organisation that says you're about to blow up the deo

gayassroulette: ?

gayassroulette: obviously i would tell you in advance

gayassroulette: like i wouldn't want you to miss the COOLEST EXPLOSION YOU'LL EVER SEE

gaymess: ...

gaymess: ROULETTE I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU ACTUALLJGHGFCHVJBKAYGUFBCGHJ

gaymess: ......

gaymess: fuck you

gayassroulette: :)

gaymess: how did you even rig it so that only my lab station blew up

gayassroulette: :) i've :) got :) a :) few :) inside :) sources :) myself :)

gaymess: who are you talking about

gaymess: wait

gaymess: LUCY

badasslane: what

gaymess: IF I LEGITIMATELY DON'T HAVE EYEBROWS FOR THE NEXT MONTH I'M GOING TO COMMIT HOMICIDE

sunshinehoe: What's happening?

badasslane: dunno

gaymess: LUTHOR YOUR GODDAMN EX BLEW UP MY LAB STATION

sunshinehoe: Veronica, please refrain from murdering your friends.

gayassroulette: taking sides now are we luthor

gaymess: waIT WHAT IS THIS STUFF

gaymess: IS THAT RAINBOW GLITTER

gaymess: AGAIN

gaymess: YOU KNOW I HAVE TRAUMATIC MEMORIES ALREADY ROULETTE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FEEL SO BETRAYED

 

--

5:21 PM

L-Corp

sciencegal: is it just me or

sciencegal: did kara seem a little ...off today

scienceguy: i know!!! she barely even smiled!!!!

barackobama: maybe she's sad.

roseandrosie: HEINOUS THOUGHT PURGE PURGE PURGE NEVER NOT OUR KARA #NOTOURKARA TREND IT WORLDWIDE

bringmedonuts: yeah but she didn't smile!!!!!! i'm very cross that smile is like my happiness caffeine

alliehearts: @kate isn't caffeine... happiness caffeine?

bringmedonuts: don't @ me you wanker we're dating also caffeine is energy caffeine kara danvers is happiness caffeine

bringmedonuts: (you're sexy caffeine)

roseandrosie: aw you guys are gross

bringmedonuts: um says the people who make out in the middle of l-corp laboratories and literally share a phone

roseandrosie: is that a THREAT KATHERINE IS THAT A THREAT

alliehearts: rose! kate! calm down and let kathy talk

sciencegal: allie you're a babe thanks

bringmedonuts: are you hitting on my girlfriend at WORK KATHY

alliehearts: oh my god KATE

sciencegal: ANYWAYS I DIGRESS

sciencegal: why is kara sad?

rainbowjess: well, maybe she's not sad

roseandrosie: THANK YOU JESS GOD BLESS YOU

nerdyhot: i dunno she looked pretty pissed to me

roseandrosie: angry????? nah

roseandrosie: when kara gets angry she just scrunches her forehead and stutters out a few insults and then walks out and it's ADORABLE

roseandrosie: #i'dhitthat tbh

roseandrosie: HEY ROSE WHO ARE YOU DATING AGAIN

roseandrosie: oh like you wouldn't

roseandrosie: YOU KNOW WHAT that's actually a pretty fair point i totally would

jantheman: well, if she's not angry, maybe she's just tired

roseandrosie: stop being SENSIBLE jan kara NEVER gets TIRED ever

thelonglostkardashian: ;) wonder how that feels ;) in a more ;) private ;) setting

rainbowjess: kaREN

gaysforlizards: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT OMG MS. LUTHOR'S LITERALLY IN THIS CHAT

roseandrosie: yeah don't flirt with other people karen

roseandrosie: ROSE YOU HYPOCRITE

roseandrosie: ... [annoyed emoji]

aliceandco: dude it was so weird though lmao she just came in and when she brushed by me and knocked a beaker off the table

aliceandco: and normally she'd apologise like 876523456 times and buy twenty new beakers but

aliceandco: she just kept walking toward ms. luthor's office

roseandrosie: [eyes]

roseandrosie: i mean.... they're fucking

itsjustrocketscience: WAIT WHAT

roseandrosie: HOW IS THAT NEWS TO YOU

itsjustrocketscience: I JUST NEVER LOOK AT MY PHONE OKAY

roseandrosie: jfc

gaysforlizards: so i guess that was... horny kara

gaysforlizards: FUCK THAT SOUNDS SO WEIRD

aliceandco: EWWWWWWWWWW

nerdyhot: THAT'S SO DISGUSTING

roseandrosie: PURGE

labcoat69: well actually kara's pretty hot i dunno

sunshinehoe: Isn't this chat professional use only?

itsjustrocketscience: ...

sciencegal: ...

thecoffeeguy: ...

themumfriend: ...

savejess2k17: ...

thelonglostkardashian: ...

barackobama: ...

roseandrosie: run

 

--

5:59 PM

supersquad™

sunshinedanvers: hey wynonna! how do you feel about roulette and lucy?

flamethrower: i'll translate

topshelf: eh

flamethrower: "noncommittal grunt"

topshelf: i dunno

flamethrower: "belches, eats a doughnut"

topshelf: WATCH YOURSELF, WAVES

flamethrower: "drops peacekeeper"

topshelf: HEY

flamethrower: "flails incoherently"

topshelf: My Family Is Made Of Assholes, by everyone in this chat

notthrowingawaymyschott: heY- oh, wait a second. yeah, you're right.

sunshinehoe: Yes, sounds about right.

badasslane: well... yeah.

bonsaicop: mm

sunshinedanvers: but what do you think of them?

topshelf: eh

topshelf: i think it's hot

 

--

8:31 PM

supersquad™

gaymess: ah shit j'onn's coming this way and he looks PISSED

gaymess: FUCK THIS IS ABOUT THE LAB ISN'T IT I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY FUCKED HE'S GONNA EVISCERATE ME

gaymess: oh no

gaymess: OH NO

gaymess: NOT AGAIN FUCKING HELL HEY LUTHOR

sunshinehoe: ?

gaymess: WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE KARA

sunshinehoe: A few hours ago. Why?

gaymess: we're about to have an enormous fucking problem

gayassroulette: ???

gaymess: tell me

gaymess: have you ever heard of red kryptonite