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Come Find Me and Tell Me You Love Me

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Bambam sighed, wandering down the path aimlessly. He didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t have a plan, he’d just wanted to get out of the house, to think a little. His heart was heavy, and he felt gloomy as he walked with his hands buried deep in his pockets, bundled up tightly in his jacket to ward off the cold.

He felt like he was upset over nothing, it wasn’t even that bad right? He and Jinyoung had only been dating for 2 and a half months, but the younger boy thought that was plenty of time to get over the awkwardness between the two and be able to express how they felt properly. However, Jinyoung seemed to think otherwise. No matter how many times Bambam had told him that he loved him, Jinyoung never returned the sentiment.

The latest occurrence of this was just last night, as they laid in bed, wrapped around each other. Bambam’s arms rested over Jinyoung’s hips, and their legs tangled together at the end of the bed. One of Jinyoung’s hands cupped his boyfriend’s cheek, the other reaching up to comb through the black hair at the top of his head, being careful with the strands that had become damaged with too much bleach. Their gazes were locked intimately, and Bambam needed to release his feelings into the air, unable to keep the love and happiness that was bubbling in his chest to himself. He whispered out a soft “I love you,” letting it drift over the other’s skin, drawing small circles on his hip.

Jinyoung had smiled, and hummed happily, leaning in to place a sweet kiss on the youngers nose.

He didn’t say anything, staying silent as they both drifted off to sleep, but it had made Bambam feel sick to his stomach. Did Jinyoung not feel the same way? Was Bambam too invested in this relationship, while Jinyoung was only looking for a way out?

So the next afternoon, when Jinyoung had come up to him and pulled him into a back hug, he’d squeezed out of it, going out into the cold to clear his head.

Bambam huffed, kicking a rock on the path in frustration. He hated not knowing, the constant questions of whether he was wanted or just someone warm to hold onto. Maybe he should just confront him? Demand to know whether he actually cared or not? He wanted to, but he knew he wouldn’t, he hated confrontation and was more likely to ignore it than discover the truth.

However, it seemed that Jinyoung was ready to get to the bottom of it.

Bambam turned when he heard his name called, finding the same person he had been angsting over running towards him, rugged in a heavy coat. He stood still, waiting for the older boy to catch up to him. He froze in shock when Jinyoung ran into him, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” His boyfriend puffed out, trying to catch his breath. "You're freezing!"

Bambam frowned, puzzled by Jinyoung’s reaction. “Why?”

“Why?” Jinyoung questioned, “because you left suddenly, and you looked upset and I was worried about you. It’s cold and I don’t want you to get sick, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He pulled back, his eyebrows furrowed.

“But why? Do you actually care or is it just to make sure I’ll be there to keep you warm?” Bambam realised as soon as the words were out of his mouth that it was a horrible thing to say, but Jinyoung’s face had already fallen.

“Is that an actual question or did you just want to hurt me?” The older said, trying hard not to feel too upset when Bambam was obviously not alright, and probably didn’t mean his harsh words.

“It was a question, I didn’t mean for it to be so horrible, I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s starting to kind of hurt my heart that you don’t say ‘I love you’ back.” The younger boy confessed, looking away sadly, realising this was the breaking point. Jinyoung would either tell him it was because he didn’t love him, or they’d make up and everything would be fine.

“Oh, Bambam,” he breathed, pulling him back into an embrace, lifting his hand to pet at his hair. “I thought my feelings were obvious, I didn’t realise I was hurting you. Of course I love you, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I’m going to make sure I tell you that constantly from now on because you mean so much to me. The thought of losing you over this breaks my heart, I’m sorry.”

Bambam smiled, burying his face into the other’s chest. “I love you too.” He whispered, almost inaudibly.

Jinyoung pulled back, releasing the boy in his arms with a soft smiled on his face. “Good, now let’s go home, I think-” He broke off as it started to rain, the droplets coming down suddenly as they tried to cover themselves.

Jinyoung recognised it was futile, as the rain came down hard. He lifted his jacket to tuck the younger boy into his side, sheltering him from the downpour.

He held him close as they rushed home, Bambam escaping into their flat mostly dry, while Jinyoung was soaked through. Bambam pushed him towards the shower, telling him he had to get warm before he got sick. Once he had finished he wandered into their bedroom, finding Bambam sitting beneath their propped up duvet.

“I made a shelter to keep us warm.” He smiled, patting the empty space next to him. “I’m sorry for being so dramatic earlier, it was kind of dumb wasn’t it hyung?”

“No, Bam, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have just assumed that my actions would be enough.” Jinyoung said, leaning and placing a chaste kiss on the center of his forehead. “Guess what though.”

“What?”

“I love you.” Jinyoung answered, pulling him close as they laid, curled together for the rest of the night, quiet whispers of ‘I love you’ repeated back and forth between them.