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Goofy/Odysseus

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It was cold inside the abandoned chapel. The heating had been dead for a long time. Outside the cracked glass windows, almost a foot of snow coated the ground and the old tombstones. Technically, this entire place was public property, but there were few other people out on a day like this. The ground was encrusted with ice, and you could hardly see for the amount of snow that was falling from the steel grey sky. The wind howled through the holes of the abandoned chapel, disturbing the spiderwebs that lined the corners like lace.

A tall, animalistic figure burst through the door. The most prominent quality of his silhouette was his rigid cap. It was the dog-man-monstrosity who went by the name of Goofy. Goofy hiccuped and carefully surveyed the scene.

“Gawrsh, what’s a chapel like this doing in such a smwall city?” Goofy held a broom. A very powerful one. The man-dog from Disney was going to clean up the chapel with a bit of magic.

Suddenly, a second person fell through the roof, followed by a copious amount of snow and ice. They were very tall and buff, and as he stood up I did notice he was kinda old. But he was also very handsome and rugged. He wore a traditional Greek toga and he had a black, curly beard and hair. He was very strong looking and had a look of determination in his eyes.

“Golly, are you alright?” Goofy asked.

“I am Odysseus, and I am trying to get home to Ithaca. Where am I?” Odysseus replied.

“You’re in a graveyard.” I said.

“What is that?” Odysseus asked very seriously. Goofy forgot to answer, for the muscles of Odysseus’s pectorals were shining and just too tempting for Goofy to resist.

“Answer me at once,” Odysseus demanded. Goofy liked the authority in his archaic tone.

“Yes,” Goofy answered.

“What?” Odysseus asked, but because his mother tongue was Greek, Goofy could not understand him. Goofy assumed he asked “Will you marry me?” because Goofy leapt into Odysseus’s firm arms and they danced on the dirt of dead people.

Easily, Goofy became a replacement for Penelope, for his hips did not know how to lie. The wedding was a beautiful marriage held in the same chapel they met at. I was the maid of honor but I don’t know why.

“And do you, Odysseus, take Goofy to be your husband?” said the priest.

“I do,” said Odysseus.

“And do you, Goofy, take Odysseus to be your husband?”

“I do,” Said Goofy.

“You may now kiss.” Said the priest. People started to cry.

“WAIT!” Yelled Penelope, who burst through the chapel. “I object!” The crowd gasped.

“No! Their love is pure!” I screamed. I punched Penelope. Odysseus and Goofy made their escape.

I never saw them again.

 

Or so I thought, until I moved many months later into my first house.