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daroos: I was not anticipating how much I would just want an Agents of SHIELD orgy. Throw in whichever Avengers you think might be fun, but fer serious, can all of them just have a mad 70’s sex party on the bus? Sam? Can you make this happen?

Coulson, to his credit, didn’t panic.

He got the team back on the Bus and locked it down and he would have managed to lock them into their separate bunks to ride out the gas, except FitzSimmons was tiny and Ward and May had metabolisms like hummingbirds and Skye had never needed to develop any kind of self control.

Motherfucking Latveria. He knew better. Latveria never ended well. He should have known better than to take the team to Latveria even with Von Doom’s permission to be there, and he definitely should not have led them into the catacombs under the castle looking for stashed Hydra weapons from WWII without gas masks.

He’d estimated the gas that the booby trap released would take about twenty minutes to do whatever it was going to do, and he’d driven the SUV back to the Bus like a bat out of hell while Simmons frantically tried to analyze what the hell it was so that they could apply an antidote.

Right around the time they’d hit the airstrip she’d said "This is strange — it should have killed us, but the gas has decayed over time. I think it might just -- "

Coulson had slammed the lock on the cargo bay then, and Fitz had said "I feel desperately unwell" and May had said "I just feel desperate -- " and after that things got a little blurry.

He was aware that he was sitting in the lounge area of the Bus, that Skye was on his lap and that the rest of the team were in various states of undress around him. He was only vaguely aware that something was off because Skye had giggled something about daddy into his neck while she was sucking on it, and it had been a momentary but effective dash of cold water through his overheated body. His hands hadn’t stopped sliding down her hips to her ass and he hadn’t really managed to dislodge her, but he was at least aware that this was inappropriate.

When he turned his head, eyes slitting open, May had FitzSimmons surrounding her, but Phil had one spent a night with May a long time ago and he was confident she could handle herself. She’d certainly handled him, which sent a thrill of renewed arousal up his spine.

Skye was still murmuring faintly kinky things in his ear, and it wasn’t so much the semi-incestuous nature as it was the implication that he was old enough to be her father (he was, but that was hardly the point) which kept him from truly enjoying the sensation. A glance in the other direction showed Ward, looking petrified and aroused, one hand pressed sharply to his groin. When he met Phil’s eyes, he made a panicked noise.

"Hey," he said in Skye’s ear. "Go help May with Fitz."

Skye wrinkled her nose. “Does he even understand what sex is?”

"Be a good girl and teach him," Phil murmured, and Skye squeaked as he lifted her off his lap and dumped her onto Fitz. May gave Phil a nod and turned all of her attention to Simmons, which distracted Phil for long enough that he nearly forgot about Ward.

A whimper reminded him, and he managed to get across to the couch where Ward sat, eyes wide and darting, watching the others warily.

"I think we’ve been compromised," Ward said, as Phil pulled his head around with a hand on his cheek.

"No kidding," Phil murmured. "Are you hallucinating?"

"Is Simmons topless in May’s lap?"

Phil glanced past him. “Yes.”

"Not hallucinating, sir."

"Okay. Focus on me," Phil said, though it was hardly necessary, since Grant was staring hungrily at his mouth. "You look frightened."

"Just -- " Grant panted softly. "I don’t find myself...in this sort of...very often..."

"Uh huh." Phil kissed his forehead, and Grant nuzzled into the open collar of his shirt needily. "FitzSimmons, Skye," he called. "You’re up."

"Yessir," Fitz agreed. Phil chuckled.

"Look after Grant," he said, catching Simmons’ outstretched hand to tug her over. Fitz and Skye went more willingly. May made a disappointed noise as she let go of Simmons.

Phil settled onto the other couch and tugged May over between his legs, her head resting back on his shoulder as her hips settled snug against his abdomen.

"Let the kids have their fun," he said in her ear, one hand sliding up under her shirt.

"I wanted to play with Simmons," she said, turning her face up to bite his earlobe.

"Team bonding is important," he managed, his other hand sliding under the waistband of her uniform pants. On the other couch, Grant and Simmons were laid out, her legs around his waist, and Skye had tugged his head over and under her skirt. Fitz was making excellent use of some medical lubricant to make Grant groan occasionally. Skye and Simmons were holding hands.

"Hope you gave them condoms," Phil said, breath hitching as Melinda rubbed back against him.

"Found some in the first aid kit," she sighed, between soft groans.

"Good," he growled. Skye swore and shuddered, and Simmons said something utterly filthy. Fitz, with a grunt, slid forward so fast Grant jerked inside of Simmons. Melinda’s hips bucked up against Phil’s hand and he smiled into her hair.

"This might be awkward tomorrow," she said dreamily.

"Rite of passage," he replied.

"Can you get off like this?" she asked. "Philosophically jerking me off?"

"We all have our turn-ons," he said.

"Which one is this?"

"Well," he remarked, as Fitz and Simmons, on either side of Grant, came in unison and Grant rolled over, pulling Skye on top of him, "I love seeing my team get along."