Harry was buttering his second hot cross bun when a hot, cross, bundle of Draco Malfoy walked into the kitchen. Cheeks flushed from the cold, a bunch of limp daffodils hanging from his right hand, and a red scarf around his neck. Draco froze in the doorway. His eyes flitted over Harry and then around the room. Slowly, carefully, he placed the flowers on the counter and began taking off his coat.
“Why are you in my kitchen?”
“Luna let me in. Nice flowers, who are they for?”
“Why are you in my kitchen?”
“I asked first.”
Silence. Draco was still hovering by the doorway and Harry felt a niggle of guilt at the lost look on his face. Sighing, Harry Accioed a second plate and started to butter another hot cross bun.
“Luna invited me round for tea but she didn’t have any milk so she had to pop to the shop.”
“Right” said Draco. He marched cross the kitchen and flung open the fridge door. Inside were two pints of unopened milk. “Now tell me why you’re really here.”
Harry hid a smile as he held out the buttered bun. “I’m vegan. You’ve only got cow milk in there.”
“No you’re not.”
Harry nodded “Afraid so, since November.”
“That’s butter” a nod to the bun.
“Vegan. Right.” The fridge started beeping and Draco slammed the door shut, running both hands through his hair before turning back to Harry. “So you thought you’d just help yourself?” he gestured towards the buns. Harry shrugged.
“Luna said she’d be back soon” he put the unclaimed plate down and nudged it towards Draco. “I didn’t know you were living together?”
“She didn’t say when she invited you over?” Draco sat, pulling the bun towards him and consumed it in giant, gulping bites. He reached for the teapot, casting a wandless warming charm when he found it cold. Something inside Harry’s chest began to ache.
“I taught you that.” He hadn’t meant to say anything and the words immediately seemed too big for the room.
Draco coughed, ripped a second bun in half.
“Sorry" said Harry, nodding towards the savaged bun. "Not much has changed then."
“You still eat like an animal. The first time I saw you eat a kebab I nearly swallowed my own tongue.” What. The. Fuck. With no idea where this was coming from or why his mouth seemed to be suddenly in need of an off switch, Harry carried on talking as Draco finished off the hot cross bun and started absent mindedly buttering a third one. “You always used to eat so nicely at Hogwarts” Harry mimed dainty prodding at his plate with imaginary cutlery. Draco coughed. “The first time we went out I thought you were fucking with me and—”
“We’ve never ‘went out’” said Draco, allowing the revolted twist of his mouth to act as verbal air quotes.
“’Course we did” said Harry. “It was that time we went down to Greenwich Market. You were volunteering with that Muggle outreach program in New Cross and I came down to meet you after work and—”
“You didn’t come to meet me, we ran into each other. Not that I wasn’t pleased to see you. In fact it was quite nice” Draco was starting to look as panicked as Harry felt, but he kept talking. “When I saw you sitting on that wall in your stupid-brilliant leather jacket with those stupid-brilliant freckles and that stupid-brilliant way you have of why can’t I stop talking?” Draco’s eyes were massive, his pupils double their normal size. “I saw you there and I pretended for a few moments that you actually were there to see me and...” he pushed back from the table one hand clasped over his mouth.
“I was there to see you” said Harry with a groan, realising that it was his turn to start babbling. “Why else would I be in fucking New Cross?”
“Lectures were already finished, I was there for you.” Harry noticed that he was also standing, holding onto the edge of the table as he struggled to stop talking. “I didn’t want Ginny, I wanted you. You were the one pushing me away, pushing me towards her and—”
“Oh please! It would have happened anyway.” Draco’s voice was rising but he didn’t look like he wanted it to be. He slapped a hand back over his mouth but kept talking, words only slightly muffled. “I was just—”
“You weren’t just anything.” Harry started pacing, what the fuck was happening? He was still talking, rabbiting on about how much he’d liked Draco, how much he’d wanted to be with him, not only for the sex, although that was fucking brilliant but—
“Exactly!” Draco sounded triumphant but his face was twisted in pain. “Sex, shagging, fucking, tying yourself in knots won’t make it anything more or less than it was.”
“What it was was fucking nice!” Harry was now giving a self-Stunning spell serious consideration. “It would have been fucking nice to keep doing it and maybe go on a few more dates that didn’t finish up shagging in the men's bogs.”
“I don’t recall any complaints at the time—”
“Of course I wasn’t fucking complaining. It was great, I fucking loved fucking you and—”
Luna was standing in the kitchen doorway, clutching a carton of almond milk.
“Luna what is happening?” said Draco, hanging onto the back of his chair and breathing heavily through his nose. “Why are Parry and I unable to stop—”
“Parry?” said Harry. “Who the fuck is Parry?”
“Well obviously it’s you” said Draco, taking another gulping breath. “I tried to say Potter but apparently in my head you are still Harry and... oh...” he trailed off, eyes unfocused. “Is this? You didn’t...” he turned to Luna, a pleading look on his face.
“But when I asked you to call me Harry you said it was ‘mawkish’.”
“Yes yes” Draco waved him off, eyes still fixed on Luna. “Mawkish Malfoy secretly loved thinking of you as Harry now can we please work out what the fuck is going on so I can get on with drowning my sorrows and slitting my wrists?”
“What the fuck Draco?”
“I know that was horrible, sorry. Luna, a little help please?”
While they’d been getting to the bottom of that Parry business, Luna had made herself comfortable at the table and was halfway through a hot cross bun when Draco turned imploring eyes upon her. Swallowing, she shrugged.
“I am sorry Draco. I told Harry to make himself at home but I forgot what a sweet tooth he has.”
Harry opened his mouth to deny this but what came out was “I do fucking love cake”.
Draco shook his head, pulling up the scarf he still had around his neck to mutter something into it. Harry heard the words “hopeless” and “stupid-brilliant”.
“So what’ve we got?” Harry sighed, sitting back down and pulling the plate of hot cross buns towards him. “Veritaserum?”
“I’m afraid so” said Luna, taking another bite of the bun she’d just admitted was dripping with potential humiliation. “Ginny asked me to make them for her Spring Equinox party.”
“Ginny asked you to roofie a set of buns named after a religious execution for her non-denominational party?”
“Well no, she originally asked for Eccles Cakes but—”
“She was going to tell everyone, Harry.” Luna’s baleful glance would have cowed someone far more bombastic than Harry. He muttered an apology. The kitchen was silent until-
“You loved fucking me?” said Draco.
“Even though you could barely look me in the eye afterwards?”
“That really is very sad, Harry.” Luna’s face was twisted in sympathy, her left cheek bulging with bun.
“Why the fuck are you eating that?” said Harry, eyes firmly fixed anywhere that wasn’t Draco fucking Malfoy.
“Well it looked delicious and I thought it might make things less awkward for you both. Oh! Ask me something embarrassing! Go on, Draco!” Luna was almost bouncing as she turned to Draco.
“Why do you hate me?”
“I don’t, I’m one of the only true friends you have. That’s also quite sad when you think about it. You haven’t had anyone over since you moved in, you just spend time with my friends and ask them awkward questions about phone chargers and personal lubricant which—”
“Oh fuck off Luna you fucking lovely human being” Draco grimaced at his inability to insult Luna and then collapsed into the chair next to Harry.
“You know” said Harry, nudging Draco’s arm “you could have asked me about lube.”
“I know what lube is.”
“Yeah I know” Draco blushed, Harry pressed on “but, if you had other questions. I did live with Muggles and—”
“Having lots of anal sex, were you?” a look of horror crossed Draco’s face and he turned to Luna. “This is horrible, do you at least have an antidote?”
“Of course not” said Luna, beaming as if Draco was deliberately asking silly questions to make her smile. “We’ll just have to talk about nice things until it wears off. Let’s see” she glanced at her phone, “I’ve had three buns now and it lasts for 10 minutes per bun so that’s half an hour. What about you?” she turned to Harry. He swallowed.
“How many buns did you have Draco?”
“Six” Draco looked like he was in pain, knuckles white as he clutched the underside of his chair.
“When did you have-”
“Before you got here. I saw the plate and thought Luna had made them to cheer me up so I had a few and then decided to pick her some flowers.”
Luna beamed, Draco waved her off.
“Why did you need cheering up?”
“Pansy saw you kissing Oliver Wood.” Draco slumped even further into his chair.
“Right. Um. So that was a one off, I was missing you and... um...” Harry was fairly sure he sprained a muscle choking back the next words. “With this Veritaserum thing, can’t we just go our separate ways until it wears off?”
“I’m afraid not, I brewed the Veritaserum to grow more potent the less people talked. To loosen them up a bit, you know?”
“Right. So...” Harry paused, no one else spoke “safe questions, then.”
“Why did you sleep with me if you despised me?”
“Fucking hell Draco, that’s not safe.”
“I want to know.” Draco was avoiding Harry’s eyes, but his mouth was set. “Why?”
“Argh” Harry felt the words rip from him. “Because I fancied you, ok?”
“Not really, why—”
“One question each” Harry interrupted Draco, turning to Luna “what’s your favourite thing about radishes?”
“Oh good question Harry! I think it has to be the way they change from such a deep pink to such a delicate white. The pink is so punchy and proud, and then suddenly there’s this little white tail, curling down like a dancer twirling in the spotlight on a dark stage and—”
They spent the next few minutes listening to Luna talk about radishes. It was nice Harry realised, as he helped himself to another cup of tea. Definitely the longest amount of time he and Draco had spent together without fucking or fighting since 5th year. Apart from that last night when...
“Hold up” he gave Luna an apologetic shrug and turned to Draco. “Did you ignore my owls because I spent too long cuddling you after Hermione’s birthday party?”
“No. I think it’s your turn to ask a question, Luna.” Draco took another sip of tea.
“How long were the two of you...” Luna made a windmill gesture between Harry and Draco. Draco’s face twisted in horror as he started talking.
“Four months of sex but only 13 times, two in the first month, three the next, seven in the third month and once in the last. Technically two of them could be counted as one since it involved an evening and the next day, that was also the one and only time we spent the night together although it was both the best sex and the worst night of my life so I believe that more weight can be given to that particular experience. It was also the first time I allowed Harry to cuddle me afterwards and I really felt that I could—no open ended questions that’s the new rule no open ended questions!”
Draco finally ran out of breath, gasping for air and glancing wildly at Harry. His pupils were still massive and he looked like he did the first time he bottomed for Harry. Bewildered and yet full of longing for something that, at the time, Harry hadn’t recognised. He saw it now.
“Ok” said Harry. “Ok, no open ended questions. Luna, has The Quibbler ever turned a profit?”
“Only recently” she said, nodding towards Draco who had buried his face in his hands.
As Luna talked about the circulation boost The Quibbler had experienced after convincing someone called Brian Cox to write their horoscopes, Harry reached across to Draco.
Draco’s hands were warm and clammy, soft skin catching against the broom callouses on Harry’s fingers. Rather than trying to hold Draco’s hand, something he vividly remembered being dismissed as “saccharine” in their early days, Harry wrapped his fingers around Draco’s wrist. Pressing his fingers against Draco’s racing pulse and slowly smoothing along the delicate blue veins.
As Luna poured them all more tea and happily burbled on, the tension in Draco’s shoulders began to ease. His eyes tracked the movement of Harry’s fingers. The air between them felt thicker, the way it used to feel before Harry pulled Draco into a toilet cubicle.
“Why did you end it?”
“I didn’t” said Draco “you did. Didn’t you?” The lost look on Draco’s face and the way his voice wobbled at the end of the question distracted Harry. He didn’t realise what he’d said until Draco started to withdraw, anger replacing confusion on his dear, insufferable, face.
“I didn’t end it” Harry repeated, turning to pull Draco’s hand into both of his own, dipping his head to look up into Draco’s face. “You told me to stop owling you. I only owl’d once” he said to Luna, feeling the familiar stab of hurt at the unfairness. “It’s not like I was owling all the time but—”
“But I told you that we clearly wanted different things and—”
“And that I should stop owling you. Dickhead.”
Draco had squirmed around until his knees now pressed against Harry’s knees as they faced each other. His hand lay motionless between Harry’s hands. Luna was beaming at the two of them, finishing of a fourth hot cross bun. Harry untangled one hand to reach out and pull the plate away from her. She tugged it back and cheerfully flipped him off.
Harry’s legs were starting to cramp but he didn’t want to move them away from Draco and then, when Draco finally looked up, Harry knew he wouldn’t be going anywhere for a long time.
“Did you...” Draco stopped. Licked his lips. “So you were... what?”
“Fucks sake, that’s a crap question Draco and now I have to fucking answer it you dick. Why the fuck did it have to be you? I couldn’t even enjoy snogging Oliver Wood” fuck, fuck it fuck it fuck it all. Draco looked like Harry had cast another Sectumsempra and wasn’t that just another one of many delightful conversations they’d have to have? Harry mused as he fought to keep hold of Draco’s wiggling hand. “Sorry. Look I fancied you and wanted you to be my boyfriend, ok? And it seems like you maybe wanted the same thing so...”
“Obviously” and wow, if Draco channeling Severus Snape didn’t kill Harry’s hard-on for him then Harry was really, irrevocably, fucked.
“Well it’s not really that obvious and—”
“What do you want Parry? You wanted to fuck me but you didn’t want to be seen with me how was I supposed to feel when—”
“Not this again” Draco made to stand but Harry’s grip on him made it impossible. He wobbled before collapsing back into his seat, back ramrod straight.
“Look. I liked you by the end. I didn’t want to break up or stop or whatever it is we did. I thought you were sick of me and that’s why I didn’t argue when you told me to stop owling. But it felt horrible. Like. Yeah, fuck.”
“Oh” and just like that, all the air seemed to exit Draco’s body. Taking any fight he had left with it. “Oh.”
“Yeah” said Harry. “Oh.”
“We’ve...” Draco stopped, rubbing his free hand over his face. “You wanted to be with me? To go out with me?”
“You don’t despise me?”
“No, you fucking drama queen. Do you, ah, do you despise me?”
Slowly, Draco’s feet curled around Harry’s ankles, one socked foot slowly rubbing up and down the back of his calf. Harry smiled, shifted forward to hold Draco’s other hand. Draco hiccuped, looking down at their clasped hands.
“How much longer do we have, Luna?” Harry asked, eyes still fixed on Draco. Silence.
“I think she left” Draco shifted forward. There was only a few inches between them now.
“Oh fuck she took the buns with her” said Harry. “Should we go after her? I didn’t think that Veritaserum was addictive but this really isn’t—”
Draco’s lips pressed against Harry’s half-open mouth. Soft and dry with the slightly sour taste of candied peel and old sugar. It was the softest kiss they’d ever shared.
Harry pulled away, resting his forehead against Draco’s and closing his eyes.
“This isn’t about the fucking” he heard himself. His voice sounded rough and uncertain. “This is real, isn’t it?”
“Yes” Draco leaned forward to press a kiss under Harry’s left ear, brushing his nose into Harry’s curls that way that he used to do when Harry pinned him against the front door of Grimmauld Place. Fuck.
“We need to make some new memories” said Harry, nuzzling his face into Draco’s hair. Draco carried on kissing, moving down Harry’s neck and slipping an arm around his waist.
“Yes” Draco pulled Harry closer until his thighs overlapped Draco’s. His arse barely still on the chair seat. “Good idea. When do you want to start?”
“Now?” said Harry, breath-hitching as one of Draco’s hands slipped under the hem of his t-shirt and started stroking his belly. “We could go for lunch? Catch-up.”
Draco’s eyes were bright as he leaned back so that Harry was forced to shift completely into Draco’s lap. Fuck.
“I think we’ve done enough talking for now, Harry. Don’t you?”