It's been a year now, to the day, since my life fell apart. A whole year has passed and yet somehow the pain is just as great today as it was then. I'm surprised that I've held together for this long when I have nothing to live for anymore. The memory of that day is so clear, so vivid...all I have to do is close my eyes to see it again.
Our wedding day had finally come. After all the worries and all the fears that I had, it appeared that everything was back to normal. Henry had been through so much, I could see it in his eyes, but there he was at my side, as handsome and as loving as the day we first met. The ring was in his hand, ready to be placed on my finger when I saw a look of pain flash across his face. His hand that held mine tightened suddenly, but I hardly noticed. All I saw was his contorted face, and the look of pain and disbelief.
Henry dropped the ring, and the shiny gold band caught my eye as it fell, but then Henry fell, his whole body racked with spasms. I remember Father holding me back as I tried to run to him. And out of my love's mouth came the most awful sound I had ever heard, a howl out of a nightmare. Then he was still, but only for a moment.
My mouth opened in shock as he rose again and looked at me. The person, the thing, that glared at me couldn't have been my beloved. Yet there was no other explanation. His eyes raked over me from head to toe and I cringed away in disgust and terror.
The next thing I knew he had pulled against him with one arm wrapped around me and the other hand poised, ready to snap my neck. I pleaded with Henry, knowing that somewhere inside this monster he had to be there, listening. And he was, for he let me go. But then he did something that I had never expected.
I still hear it, the sound of Henry impaling himself on John's sword, his cry to his father...and then, as I knelt at his side, holding his hand, his final whisper of my name. Then he was gone, and I was alone.
John blamed himself for Henry's death, and though I tried so hard to convince him that there was nothing he could have done, he did not believe me. He sailed for America four months ago, unable to live here with the constant reminders of that day all around him. I hope that he has found peace.
I know now that it was Henry, or rather a part of Henry, that committed the murders in late September. John had found Henry's journal and had revealed to me what he learned. Eight died by his hand, including himself. But I believe that the only murder that my love truly committed was his own.
It's raining tonight, as it did the day we buried him. Oh, Henry, why did it come to this?
The wedding band that fell from his fingers is in its place on my hand. Father begged me not to wear it, but it's all that I have left of Henry. They burned everything in his home. Even his laboratory was destroyed. John and Father stood next to me as I watched with dry eyes...and an empty heart.
The candle besides me keeps flickering with the night air and as I stare into the flame I keep thinking of all the parts of Henry's life that I never knew existed. Like that woman...
John told me of her about a month afterwards. It seemed to me that he knew more of Henry than I ever would have, even if he had lived. But when he spoke of the woman, I only listened without emotion as he explained everything. He told me of the night that they had met, and of their feelings for each other. Yet like a noble man, Henry never acted on them. But apparently he had quite a few feelings for she became a favorite of Hyde's. He spoke of the night that Hyde attacked her and left her for dead. And something inside me withered wondering how Henry could have let that happen. But then he revealed that she had not died, but was quite alive and still in London.
Though he objected, we went to the Red Rat where she still worked. I drew many stares from the unruly crowd and more than a few lewd comments while John requested Lucy's presence. After a few moments of waiting, she emerged from a back room, scantily clad, walking stiffly but her head was high with dignity. She was quite pretty, with a delicate appearance and large emotional eyes.
When John explained who I was to her, the color left her face and she seemed about to burst into tears. She recovered quickly though and after a bit of hesitation she reached over and laid her small cold hand on top of mine and looked at me with a feeling of understanding. I cried for the first time since the wedding that night for I had finally found someone who understood.
A quick look at the window assures me that it's still raining. We should have been enemies, Lucy and I, but it was impossible for we shared a bond. We had lost the man we loved and in each other we found comfort. She became an unlikely, but wonderful friend. I only wish I had known her sooner. Lucy is dead now, found inside Henry's tomb, lying on the floor. In her hand she clutched an old, faded note. Henry's goodbye to her.
With a deep breath I sigh. I hope that she has found him and has taken care of him. A year has passed without my Henry and I cannot bear to let another day go by.
Bisset was surprised to see me today when I walked in and made my request. But after a bit of initial protest he granted it. And in my hands I hold the vial of poison which he says will put me into a sleep from which I won't awaken.
Without hesitation I drink the contents.
My darling Henry, I tried to live without you as I thought you would have wished me to. But you were the one thing that made my life worth living. So now I am on my way to join you...I'm so sleepy now and while the room seems to be getting dimmer I can see you quite clearly...your arms open to me...all I have to do it reach out to take your hand...