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The Observations of Quarantine

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Space Corps Directive 598

"One nominated Senior Officer should dictate daily reports from the Quarantine Observation Window, paying particular reference to any cognitive, social or physical deterioration in incarcerated crew members. These findings are to be logged with the ship’s mainframe and cross-referenced on the appropriate medical records."

Day 1

<recording activated>

So I just speak into the microphone? And it appears on the screen?

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Oh, I see! Ah, erm - Acting Senior Officer, Arnold J. Rimmer reporting. As per Space Corps Directive 595, I have quarantined one registered crewmember and two additional personnel. This directive was enacted following an unscheduled visit to an unscreened scientific laboratory. Aforementioned crew came into close contact with an infected individual who can only be described as nuttier than a Snickers bar.

Quarantined inmates have been been furnished with adequate refreshments and leisure facilities as per Space Corps Directive 312. I shall check in tomorrow at thirteen-hundred hours with a full medical update.

Report ends.

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Holly? How do you turn off the smeggi--

<recording terminated>

Day 2

<recording activated>

This is Acting Senior Officer, Arnold J. Rimmer checking in for the Quarantine Report at - smeg, is that the time?! - um, sixteen-hundred hours. Apologies. For some reason, I overslept.

Right, let's check the -- ah. According to the Medi-Scan, temperature outputs are all registering as normal. No evidence of mechanical failure or deterioration in cognitive function.

Inmates currently registering varying degrees of consciousness. Although I suspect that might be to do with the Wallpapering vid that's currently playing.

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Sorry, I can't stop smegging yawning. Mind you, all this carefully detailed reporting is rather tiring. Perhaps I'll head back to my quarters again. Do a full update tomorrow.

Report ends.

<recording terminated>

Day 3

<recording activated>

Holly, I think there's something wrong with my lightbee. I keep getting these funny little--

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Oh, is it on? Sorry, what am I doing? Ah yes, the Quarantine Report. Well, let's see. Um, the Cat seems to be attempting to nap for long lengths of time to avoid confrontation. Apart from extended sleep periods, no evidence of worsening health.

Kryten is speaking less to the others than he has been for the last two days. Instead, he seems to be busying himself with the research from Lanstrom’s lab. No evidence of mechanical failure or deterioration in cognitive function.

God, my head feels bloody awful -- sorry, erm, Lister has started crocheting a hat so I'm guessing he's feeling okay, I suppose. You know, I've always wondered what I would look like in a crocheted hat. Lister could crochet anything, couldn't he? Maybe crocheted hammocks? I mean, they'd be more comfortable than anything else the JMC had to offer, and --

Wait -- sorry. Bugger. Holly, how do I edit this thing?

Oh well, never mind. I'll sort it tomorrow.

<recording terminated>

Day 4

<recording activated>

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

I don't like it. They all keep looking at me strangely.

Well supposedly they’re not looking at me at all, but I know better. Ha! You can't outsmart Arnie J. Holly keeps telling me that it's only one-way glass and that they can't see or hear me until the red light comes on, but --

-- I hate red things. Stupid, jumped-up Space Corps boffins designing lights that are red. Don’t they know they make people feel angry? I mean, red. It's a danger colour, isn't it? Dangerous, it means there's danger, and --

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Do you think they know they're in danger in there? I mean, all I need to do is give the command. Just one little command and all of the oxygen will be sucked away. That would look funny, wouldn't it? They’d be giving me funny little waves as they clawed for oxygen - waving at me like they were saying ‘goodbyeee’ --

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

-- I, um. Holly, did you type that on the screen? Oh god.

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Help. I think there's something wro--

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

-- in my head. Please, I can't do this anymore. They keep --

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

-- what? Oh. Okay. Well if the King says so.

<recording terminated>

Day 5

<recording activated>

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

I feel much better now.

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

There's no more hurting inside my head anymore. No worrying, no sad in there, no, no, no. Just the voices.

I know what you're thinking. I'm not a crazy person. These voices make me feel so much better, not worse.

They simply tell me what to do and it all just happens. They just tell me and it happens, when they tell me, it happens, and I can make it happen when they tell me, and -- it just makes things so much easier to understand, you know?

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

They were cross before. They were very cross with each other. It's gone more quiet now. Lots of looking and looking and looking and looking and --

That's naughty though, isn't it? Arguing. Maybe his Highness was right. Maybe ten years is what they need.

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

The King said it would be okay though. He said it would be okay to take the oxygen away if I need to. It’s only one command and he's bestowed it on me. He said I would be doing my duty. I mean, that's nice, isn't it? They're saying it's very nice too. The voices say it's nice. It must be nice.

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

<indistinct noise - unable to log - please speak clearly into microphone>

Do you think they'll smile at me when they wave goodbye? It's nice to smile.

<recording terminated>