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In the Small of My Heart

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Jensen feels an odd sensation around him, like he's floating on too much air. He sits up. He doesn't recognize where he is, but it's beautiful, plants and wildlife all around him. He thinks…he looks down and laughs. He's sitting in the middle of a flower.

He laughs again and clutches his chest, not in pain this time, but because of the absence of it. Jensen feels his eyebrows draw together as he holds on, trying to understand. It's not possible. He doesn't remember the last time there wasn't pain.

It feels so good it makes his chest ache, and the irony of that is not wasted on Jensen.

He hops down from his flower, or whatever the fuck he woke up on, and lands on his feet a little ways down. He absorbs the shock without faltering, without needing to take a break for air.

Fuck, but he feels good.

Jensen looks around at his new surroundings and gasps. He's standing between blades of grass that must be ten feet tall. They reach up far over his head, puncturing the sky, and Jensen almost wants to try climbing one, but instead he walks forward a little while, looking for…something.

He's not sure what, but he really wants to find it.

"Jensen?" It's Jared's voice, and Jensen feels himself smiling before he can even tell himself to. If Jared is here, this is a good place, wherever it is. He looks to his feet, but he doesn't see Jared down there, so he crouches, wondering if the borrower is trying to hide from him.

"Jared," he calls.

"Jensen, there you are."

Jensen sees a pair of feet stop in front of him and looks up. And up. And up. He rushes to his full height immediately, and good god, even then, he's still looking up. "You're taller than me," Jensen says.

"Yeah, I told you I was tall," Jared replies with a self-satisfied grin.

"Why are you taller than me?" Jensen asks, before he realizes—it doesn't matter if Jared's taller than him. Jared is his height. Jared is his height and that means…

He flings his arms around Jared's shoulders and kisses him, and Jared laughs, apparently surprised at first, but catching on fast. He returns the kiss, and he is solid, strong, healthy flesh under Jensen's hands.

It doesn't feel like a dream this time.

"Jared," he murmurs against Jared's mouth. "Jared."

"Yeah," Jared agrees. "That does happen to be my name."

"But how are you big?" Jensen asks. "How are we the same size?"

"Okay, first of all, we’re not the same size, because I'm taller than you." Jensen rolls his eyes and Jared grins as he continues, "And I'm not big. You're small."

"I'm—" Jensen looks around again and, oh. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Giant flowers and grass, not so much. "I'm a borrower!"

"Yeah, welcome," Jared says, taking his hand and squeezing it. He starts leading Jensen toward—well, toward his own house, but it’s so big now Jensen can't even take it in, and it kind of scares him, except that Jared is here. "C'mon, I'll show you how we get into our house. It's right under yours."

Jensen stops after a few steps and pauses, looking up. "How am I a borrower?" he asks.

Jared's eyes go dark for half a second, but he tugs Jensen on a little. "Come on, Jen."

He remembers now. He remembers saying goodbye to Jared, to his tiny, perfect little Jared, and he remembers going to the hospital, but he doesn’t remember coming out. "I didn’t make it, did I?"

Jared shrugs. "Does it matter now?"

"Is this real?" he asks. "Jared, are you real?"

He squeezes Jensen's hand again. "I'm real. You're real. Come on, I'll introduce you to Meg and Ma."

"Your ma doesn't want to meet me," Jensen says stupidly. "She hates—"

Jared grins. "You're part of the family now," he says.

He looks at Jensen like this should be obvious and makes an expectant face.

Jensen wants it so bad. It's all he ever wanted. If it's a dream he never wants to wake up, and if this is Heaven, he hopes he stays dead. So he lets himself believe, and he follows Jared home.

The End.