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Run on Gasoline One-Shots

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Clarke can’t wait to go home to tell Lexa. As it is, her butt is barely on her seat from the excitement and glee at getting her first commission from a patron that found her through her small gallery, and not from a contact in Arkadia University. Cage Wallace, he called himself, wanted her to create a mural for his office. He’s even gracious enough to pay half the amount in check at Clarke’s acceptance of the job.

“I look forward to seeing your work, Ms. Griffin,” He says as he stands and extends his hand, which Clarke shakes enthusiastically.

“Thank you, Mr. Wallace,” she replies with a wide smile. “I look forward to impressing you with my work.”

Wallace returns her smile and nods at her before buttoning up his suit’s jacket. Then he walks away, leaving Clarke alone with her portfolio and a few printouts of her work spread out on the table. Looking at the check for $3,500 in her hand, she squeals and then lifts it up to her lips so she could kiss it. She must’ve not been as quiet as she thinks because other people in the cafe are frowning at her now. But she doesn’t care. They can all suck it, as far as she’s concerned.

She and Lexa are so going to celebrate. Maybe have one or two glasses of red wine, open up some fancy cheese and fix up her famous raspberries and cream dessert that her girlfriend likes so much after dinner. Good thing she’s already got a roast beef cooking in the oven at home. She had been reluctant to leave it with just Lexa but the brunette had assured her that she could “handle watching a slab of meat” for the entire hour Clarke needs to conclude her deal with a client.

Clarke takes out her phone to check on things back home only to see that she has three messages and one missed call. All from Lexa. Slightly panicking, she immediately opens up her messages. Lexa’s last text has just been sent ten minutes ago.

 

Sexy Lexy [7:33 pm] This is a really inefficient way to cook

Does it really have to be roasted for 2 hours?

There must be a way to speed things up

yes it needs to roast for 2 hrs

don’t u dare change anything

But what if I can speed it up?

no Lex leave it alone

u can’t rush it

The laws of thermodynamics say I could

gtfo with ur nerd talk

don’t touch it i’m warning you

The oven’s at 145 degrees, right?

By my calculations, I can cut down the remaining time by a third if I crank it up to 325

NOOOOOOOO there will be no cranking

Lexa stay away from the damn roast beef

ur gonna burn down the kitchen

It’s just a matter of mathematical accuracy

omg that’s not how cooking works

ur not allowed to touch my fucking oven from now on

It’s my oven too, you know

I’m sure it will turn out just fine

I like my beef medium well anyways

jfc i’m on my way back just stay put

i swear to god if i see u anywhere near the roast beef

 

Clarke hastily gathers her things and stuffs them inside her bag before walking out of the cafe. She tosses it at the backseat of her car and just rushes back home. She doesn’t even care if she gets a speeding ticket. Lexa’s about to burn her roast beef to a crisp, and their home in the process. Why did she think it was a good idea to leave Lexa in charge of roasting the god damned beef? Fortunately she gets home in less than fifteen minutes. Clarke doesn’t bother parking the car in their garage. She just leaves it by the sidewalk and runs up to the second floor.

“Lexa! You better not be messing with my roast beef!” she shouts as she walks briskly to the kitchen.

She finds Lexa standing by the oven, wearing her Iron Man-themed welding mask and two over-sized oven mitts. Fish sits a couple of paces back, wrapped up in some silver cloth. Upon closer inspection, she recognizes it as a fire blanket that Lexa keeps down at her workshop for putting out small flames. Walking closer, she looks at the oven and sighs in relief that the dial has not been tampered with and the roast beef still looks edible. She then directs her glare at Lexa, who seems to be frozen in the spot.

In that moment, Clarke makes up her mind. She’s going to drag Lexa to that couples cooking class she’s been hearing about, and no amount of puppy dog eyes and adorable pouting can stop her from doing it. She may also demand lots and lots of make up sex just for the roller coaster of emotions she went through in the span of fifteen minutes.

Chapter Text

Lexa doesn't understand what the public's obsession with butter substitutes is all about. Clearly, it must have some significant purpose to deserve an entire aisle in a local supermarket. There are literally rows upon rows of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! and countless knockoffs with even more unimaginative names like Butter It's Not!, Could It Be Butter?, and What, Not Butter!

She doesn't get the appeal at all.

“Did you get the thing?” Clarke asks her as she saunters back towards her with a smile.

Lexa eyes her as she hugs two huge packs of toilet paper to her chest. There's something else in her arms that she tries to sneakily carry. From the brightly colored packaging, it looks like some sugary snack made for children. The reason why the woman sent her away to “get the thing" is now clear to her. Lexa doesn't even like this fake butter stuff. She clicks her tongue once, reaches for it and gives Clarke an unamused look.

“Oh, come on!” the blonde huffs. “You said I could get one treat!”

“I was actually talking to Fish when I said that,” she deadpans at her. Lexa makes to put the snack on a shelf of Unbelievable This Is Not Butter.

Clarke pouts at her and sidles up closer. “Please?” Clarke drawls sultrily, running her pointer finger along Lexa’s forearm. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Are you seriously bargaining with sexual favors right now?”

“Lexa, you made me eat quinoa for a week. An entire week! And you're not even the one who cooks. I need my sugary junk food fix!”

The blonde is livid now, gesturing wildly with her hands. Lexa relents as she always does. It's really unfair how she finds furious Clarke infinitely hotter than usual. She wraps her arm around Clarke's shoulders and plants an apologetic kiss on her temple, knowing full well the calming properties her kisses have on her girlfriend. Clarke deflates and relaxes against her.

“Fine. Put it in.”

“That's what she said,” Clarke snorts.

“Yeah, laugh it up. If we go over budget, I'm leaving you at checkout.”

“How much are you targeting to spend this time?” her girlfriend asks as she balances the toilet paper and the snack on top of the heaping shopping cart. It's the largest cart available, but with how much is loaded onto it, it's almost overflowing.

She smirks. “Fifty dollars.”

“You're a fucking maniac,” Clarke gasps, eyes wide.

“You already knew that when you agreed to marry me,” she chuckles.

Couponing - or upfront legal robbery as Lexa likes to call it - is something she picked up from Abby that one July 4th weekend they were invited to Marcus’ place down in Silver Lake. Then of course, with Lexa being herself, she found new ways to game the system. She didn't stop at meager discounts, but went on to get a month's worth of groceries at outrageously low prices. Lexa proudly considers herself a professional by now. She and Abby can actually get quite competitive with each other.

And this time, she's setting a new record for herself with a load of junk mail coupons, fifty dollars, and two full carts of carefully selected generic and name brand products. By the time they get to the checkout counter, they've already caught the attention of everyone nearby. Lexa smiles at the already exasperated looking cashier who has the rotten luck of ringing all of their stuff up.

Half an hour and nine giant bags of groceries (which almost broke the conveyor belt at the counter) later, Lexa walks out of the store with a swagger to her steps and a smug grin on her face. She really outdid herself this time by bagging almost two thousand dollars worth of groceries for under fifty dollars. Clarke just laughs as Lexa stuffs the last bag in the trunk of her Rally Fighter and poses for a selfie in front of the spoils of her victory.

“What?” she asks with a smile.

“You’re going to send that to my mom, aren’t you?”

“You bet I am.”

“She’s gonna freak out.”

“Yeah, and then maybe she’ll step up her game.”

“I can’t believe my family is a bunch of weirdos.”

“Well, that’s too bad ‘cause you’re kinda stuck with us now forever.”

Clarke’s smile widens as she wraps one arm around Lexa’s waist, blue eyes filled with glee. “You know what? I’m actually fine with that.” She leans in for a kiss.

On the way home, Clarke keeps her hands on top of the one Lexa has on the shifting gear. From time to time, Lexa lifts it up to her lips so she can kiss the back of the blonde’s hand. That little romantic gesture was finally enough to convince Clarke to turn up the volume and sing along loudly to Britney Spears’ Oops I Did It Again while they cruise down the streets.

Chapter Text

Not even year in of living together, they develop a nighttime routine. They're like a well-oiled machine, effortlessly moving in conjunction with one another. But it really shouldn't surprise Lexa considering everything that they went through together.

It starts with one of Clarke's home cooked meals or some takeout that Lexa picked up on the way home. Predictably, dinner is followed up by sex on the nearest surface until they eventually make it to bed. If they don’t end up tearing off each other’s clothes within three minutes of finishing dinner, they tend to find themselves cuddled up on the couch, arguing about what to watch on Netflix (which almost always turns to sex halfway through anyway).

The blonde then takes a shower to scrub off splotches of paint or clay on her skin, while Lexa goes through her strict skin care regimen of deep cleansing, exfoliating and moisturizing. Clarke had dubbed it the American Psycho grooming method, but it’s really the only way she can wake up early and fresh faced for the next day. And then finally, snuggling with her girlfriend on the glorious comfort of memory foam and thousand thread count sheets.

She thinks it’s all perfect.

Well, almost.

“Hey, Lex.”

She grunts from where she’s lying behind Clarke, her face practically buried in strawberry scented blonde hair. After a long day cooped up inside an R&D lab and putting up with Raven’s antics, Lexa really just wants to sleep. Unfortunately, Clarke’s brain tends to be more active at night. There have been numerous times when she woke up alone in bed, only to find that a sudden burst of inspiration has driven the blonde back to her studio downstairs. But artistic eureka moments aren’t the only things keeping Clarke up, and Lexa by extension.

“Lex. Babe? Come on, you’re not asleep yet, are you?”

“Shh. I’m asleep,” she grumbles in an attempt to silence Clarke.

Heaven only knows what the artist will utter next. Probably something that would get her thinking of things no one should have to or something that would get stuck in her mind enough to drive her mad. She’d rather not have a repeat of last night where Clarke surprised her by asking “If I was a Transformer, would you still find me attractive?” That nearly made her fall off her side of the bed. She suspects it’s because her girlfriend pointed out the fact the she catches Lexa checking out cars more than women when they’re out. What’s even more embarrassing is that she really thought about it for a long time, debated over it with her conscience before finally saying “Yes. Yes, I would have sex with you even if you were a sentient sportscar that transforms into a giant, weaponized robot.”

Then a few nights before that, Clarke had asked her to sleep with her head lying on her chest. Lexa didn’t even protest, of course. She eagerly complied and even placed a goodnight kiss on the blonde’s heart. But just as her eyes begin to flutter, just as she felt herself drifting off to deep sleep, Clarke started singing some song. While stroking down Lexa’s head, she goes “Soft Lexie, warm Lexie, little ball of fur. Happy Lexie, sleepy Lexie, purr purr purr.” Lexa went to work with that song playing on repeat inside her head. It didn’t go well when Raven and the rest of the R&D team heard her softly singing it in the break room.

“But this is important, I swear,” Clarke says.

Lexa sighs. “Fine then. What is it?”

“I was thinking about changing careers.”

That got Lexa instantly frowning. She turns Clarke over and onto her back, hovering over the blonde as she does. “What? Why? Babe, your studio’s doing great. You’re an amazing artist.”

“Yeah, but- I was just thinking...” Clarke trails off, skimming her fingertips on Lexa’s collarbone. “That I would make a killing in designing roller coasters and other amusement park rides!”

Lexa really should have seen this coming. She drops back on her side of the bed, her eyes rolling at the ridiculousness of what she just heard. “Clarke, that’s-”

“No, no, hear me out, okay? I could like, sketch up some dope ass rides,” the blonde blabbers on, now on her knees and bouncing excitedly. "And you can get in on it too with your fancy engineering degree! I can see it clearly now. We’ll drive Disney World and Disney Land out of business.”

“I’m pretty sure this is just a side effect of you playing too much RollerCoaster Tycoon on your phone,” she replies, an unamused look fixed on her face.

“What? No it’s not,” Clarke profusely denies. “This is about making dreams come true and-”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m the one who goes over our monthly bills. You spent over fifty dollars on that game this week alone.”

“Oops.” Clarke’s serious expression turns sheepish just as the corners of her mouth lift up to form a grin.

“Oops is right. You’re in big trouble, missy.”

“Mhmm… say that again but like, growl it a little,” Clarke croons while crawling up to her. “That kinda gets me off, you know.”

“No, go to sleep,” she answers, wrapping her arms tightly around her girlfriend.

“Would you rather I talk about roller coasters or sing you the Soft Lexie song again?”

Well, that simply won’t do. With a determined clench of her jaw, Lexa swiftly rolls herself on top of a startled Clarke. “I bet that after I’m through with you tonight, you wouldn’t be saying that I’m soft .” she husks.

The following nights, there was no more talk of roller coasters and Soft Lexies ever again.

Chapter Text

It started with a few tweets, just some harmless fucking tweets. Or so Clarke thought at the moment. But since then, it snowballed into something that has taken on a life of its own. So maybe Clarke kinda needed the attention since not even her artsy fartsy photos got that many likes and retweets. Big deal. When the clicks came rolling in, she quickly got over her initial jealousy that Lexa became Twitter famous despite not actually being on there and never getting name-dropped. Of course, the idea of flaunting a smoking hot girlfriend on social media is all too appealing to her too.

And well, if her now avid fans are clamoring for more, who was she to deny them? It’s not particularly hard to satisfy the demands of her audience either. Lexa is basically a Twitter gold mine what with all the amusing things she blurts out from to time.

Like that one bit when they were in line at their local Starbucks and the brunette turned down a free pumpkin spice latte from a barista who had the hots for her. All because “I won’t accept anything from someone who says punkin’ instead of pumpkin , Clarke. I have standards and principles.” Or that time when Clarke was urging her to try on a pair of ripped jeans and Lexa went on an extended rant about how ripped jeans are practically useless as clothing. Both her and the salesperson tried to conceal their laughter at “I don’t want to be mistaken as a fashionable homeless person on the streets, Clarke. Why are you laughing? This is serious.”

Her Twitter feed looks like some sort of journal. A journal with months’ worth of the good stuff. Too bad Lexa doesn’t find it as entertaining as her, her thousands of followers and their friends.

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 14

omg u guys me & my bae almost got bit by a raccoon and shes declared war on them shes like “BLOOD MUST HAVE BLOOD CLORK” will update #rawr #wiiiiild

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 14

oh shit son she went back to our house to get some “bait" shit just got serious #bloodmusthaveblood #daaaaammnnn

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 14

lmao “bait” turned out to be cheerios the furry bastard looks like he wants it tho #comeatmebruh

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 14

the trash panda stole our box of cheerios hes smarter than he looks we have to regroup #FAIL #RIPcerealbox

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 15

(day 2) convinced the gf to wear warpaint so we can intimidate and mock the raccoon hahaha #warpaint #fiercebinch #bloodmusthaveblood

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 15

so i went for the subtle egyptian eyeliner style and the gf went cray with full on raccoon make up lol #ohmylord #gfbeingextra

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 15

[spankbankmaterial.jpg]

but like, side note: she looks fuckin hot & badass just look at dis majestic creature #moist #badasshottie

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 16

(day 3) ok so sorry for leaving u guys hangin yday but we were busy doing um... things #iykwim #sorrynotsorry

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 16

update: so the raccoon now has a death posse wid him theres 3 of them now just chillin at dis tree taunting us #RUDE #ruderaccoons

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 16

the gf wants 2 set up traps around the tree i can already tell its about to go badly so wish me luck #yikes #fingerscrossed

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 16

okay so i was right our doggo Fish got caught in 1 of the traps & spooked the raccoons into climbing higher wit his borks #FAIL #smh #baddoggo

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 16

[saaaadAF.jpg]

the gf has called it a day poor baby look at her just sitting there defeated & frustrated i kno how 2 cheer her up tho ;) #nsfw #iykwim

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 17

(day 4) woke up to the gf saying she called in sick at work shes like “I HAVE TO EXACT REVENGE ON THE TRASH PANDAS” #ded #bloodmusthaveblood #thisiswar

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 17

important side note: we are now completely out of cereal becos raccoon bait :((((( #thelivingarehungry #nobreakfast4me #sendhelp

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 17

omg plot twist u guys!!!!!!11 i went back inside 2 get a drink and then came out later to see the gf petting 1 of the raccoons #WTF #SHOOKT

 

Clork @TheGriffMeister Jul 17

ok so now shes feeding them cheerios??? and i was like “what happened to blood must have blood?” so shes like “IM THE RACCOON WHISPERER CLORK”

 

xxxxxxx

 

The Delinquents Group Chat

Thu, Jul 20

 

Clarke: u guys Lexa found my twitter account

she changed the wifi password

and did something to my phone so i cant use mobile data

Raven: is this about the raccoon thread lulz

Octavia: lol does she know that people call her commander raccoon

Jasper: does she know that people use #bloodmusthaveblood shes basically a meme now

Clarke: haha yeah shes like “I NEVER SAID ANY OF THAT” and got all pouty

Raven: lmao griffin how the fuck are you on here then?

Clarke: im actually on her ipad right now lol

her passcode is the date we met <3

Raven: awwwwwwww thats so cute

Bellamy: haxx [hackerman.jpg]

Octavia: what a valuable contribution to the conversation bell

Bellamy: what get off my back octavia

Clarke: anybody heard from monty?

Raven: no not since we facetimed last night why?

Clarke: i wanna see if he can help me with the wifi

Lexa’s twitter tyranny ends today

Jasper: why u need him? i can help

Bellamy: no offense jas but u cant explain shit to save ur life

speaking from experience here when u “helped” me with my macbook

Monty added Lexa to The Delinquents

Monty: I’m sorry she got to me first

She said she’d let me try out her quadcopter drone

Raven: OHHHHH SHIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT EVERYBODY SCRAM

Lexa: I knew you were all conspiring against me. Led by my own girlfriend, no less.

Please be advised that you’re all officially uninvited to the Daytona Beach vacation weekend.

Octavia: NOOOOOOOOOOOO but I already bought my bikini :((((((((((((((

Jasper: Monty u filthy traitor

also can i get in on the quadcopter action?

Bellamy: ur both unbelievable

but im totally down for some drone flying

Clarke: im sorry babe

im still invited to daytona right?

right Lexa?

babe?

please babe u cant leave me

Lexa: Okay, but just you. And no Wi-Fi for one week.

Clarke: AWWWWWWWWWW :’((((((((((((

Lexa: Five days?

Clarke: :(((((((

Lexa: Three days?

Clarke: acceptable

Lexa: Three days then.

Clarke: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY :)))))))

i love you babe :* <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Lexa: I love you too.

Oh, and Reyes. Get back to work.

Raven: yes commander

commander raccoon eeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Octavia: *slow clapping*

Clarke: lol walked right into that one

Lexa: Shut up. Please.