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A horse is a Man's Best Friend

Chapter Text

We open our story on a drab, cloudy day on the cusp of spring. What a grey, dreary day it was. A somber, muted, dark day.
“Why it’s the perfect day for villainy!”
Indeed, it is on days like these where the diabolical main character of our story, Snidely k. Whiplash, likes to dreams up his most despicable plans.
“Yes, I can feel it, Homer, the days of Dudley Do-right’s heroic antics will soon come to an end. I will get rid of him once and for all!!!”
Homer, his right-hand man, was all ears.
“Sure. Snidely. What’cha got in mind this time, Snidely?
Snidely stood triumphantly.
“Why, the horse, of course!”
“But Snidely, every time we try to horse-nap that horse, Dudley always gets it back!”
Snidely squinted.
“Clearly you don’t understand, Homer. You see, we need not separate Dudley from his horse to make him stop riding it.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes. Now listen closely, Homer.”
Snidely paced and spoke heartily.
“I will take Dudley from his horse. I will get him alone. Then, I will show him affection. Seduce him, even. Make it so he craves my touch. Then, we will make love! By the time I am through with him, his bottom will be so sore that he’ll never want to even look at a horse again! Mwa ha ha!!!”
…Homer stood wide-eyed. He wanted to say many things, but he also wanted to stay employed.
“Uh, yeah, sure, whatever you say, Snidely.”
Snidely sat down at his vanity with a toxic smirk on his face.
“A full-proof plan. After all, how could anyone resist me?”
“But Snidely, they…well, I don’t think they allow queers into the RCMP.”
Snidely chuckled.
“Homer, if I know anything about men like Dudley,”
He smiled wickedly.
“It’s that it never takes much to knock them off a straight path."