The music was loud, too loud, his ears were banging but he couldn't go back, he was waiting for Jared.
"Jen, I'm going back now, don't wait up" Jared slurred, a feminine giggle followed. Jensen turned around, the sight he saw felt like a punch to the gut. There was his Jared with some woman crawling all over him like he was a dead body and she was the flies. It had taken Jensen 3 months of them living together, to realize he was falling in love with his best friend. Jensen was brought from his thoughts by that feminine giggle again. It was an alarm waking him early on a Sunday morning. Jensen pulled his bottle up to his mouth and took a large swig.
"Alright whatever, I'll be back in an hour" he responded before smashing the empty bottle on the table, glass flying everywhere, cutting his hand. Jensen then proceeded to walk into the bathroom, ignoring the blood dripping from his hand and Jared calling his name.
When he went in, he locked the door so no one could get in and he looked in the mirror. He was a mess. He had tears waiting to fall; his hair was sticking up in all directions. There was a knock at the door.
"Jen?" And there was that Texan who Jensen loved. Jensen didn't answer; he punched the mirror out of anger, growling loudly. His knuckles were bleeding heavily now; they had left a blood stain on the mirror.
"Jensen? Open up" came that voice again. It was like honey.
"Please" Jared shouted, Jensen slumped against the wall and slid to the floor, trying his hardest not to cry. He heard the knocking against the door, then her voice again.
"Just leave him; he'll be fine" she said, oh how she was wrong.
"I guess you're right" Jared said, Jensen could hear them walk away. That topped it off, he broke down.
He stayed in the bathroom crying for about an hour. He stood up and threw some water at his face. He still didn't look any better, in fact, he looked worse. His hand had gone numb; all he could see was blood. He unlocked the door and walked out; he could see Steve Carlson waiting for him at the end of the path.
"Jensen, what the hell happened to your hand?" He asked when Jensen approached him.
"Nothin'" Jensen said, walking out. That was one of Jensen's problems; he wouldn't admit he was hurting, just like Dean. Jensen laid some notes on the table and walked out.
Jensen didn't mind the walk home; even with the rain, he could hide his tears. The cold air was biting at his neck like a vampire, but he didn't care. Jensen heard his phone ringing in his pocket, it was Misha.
"Yo Jen, sup?" He asked.
"Nothin'" Jensen snapped.
"Woah woah woah: I was only asking cos Jared messaged me. He said you were upset for some reason" Misha explains.
"Mish, you know how I feel about him, right?" Jensen said, sounding serious.
"Yeah, why? What's he done? Do I have misha him?" Misha said, joking at the end.
"It's to do with that. Can I come down to yours for a bit? I can't go back yet" Jensen pleads. Praying to whatever god is out there.
"Yeah sure, West went to a friend's...he's back tomorrow morning, I'm with Maison she loves you, so just come down" Misha says. Jensen smiles to himself and slides his phone back into his pocket, he hears a high pitched scream from the side, and he looks up. It's a fan, he can tell.
"Oh my god. Oh my god. It's you! It's Dean. Oh my god. It's Jensen Ackles" she screams. Jensen waves to her and flashes a winning smile.
"Please sign this for me" she squeals. Jensen pulls out the pen he always carries around with him, he takes the woman's bag and signs it for her before giving it back and kissing her cheek. She pulls her phone out and takes a photo with him.
"Thank you thank you thank you" she says. Jensen shakes her hand and carries on walking to Misha's house.
When he gets to Misha's house, Jensen opens the door and walks in like always.
"Honey I'm home" Jensen shouts like always, Maison runs out and hugs him tightly.
"Jenjen what happened to your hand?" Maison asks, pulling his hand into Misha's view as Misha walks out to greet him.
"Is this to do with JP?" Misha asks, concern showing in his voice. Jensen nods, his legs still being crushed by Maison.
"Maison, what time is it?" Misha asks, sounding like a child.
"Sleepy time" Maison replies, yawning. Misha carries Maison up to bed and slides down the bannister rail half an hour later.
"Let me clean that up" He says, pointing to Jensen's hand.
While Misha is wrapping a bandage around Jensen's hand, there is a knock at the door.
"Mish...can I talk to you" Jared says from behind the door. Misha looks to Jensen and finds him asleep on the sofa. Misha sighs and walks to the living room.
"What?" Misha snaps, sitting down in the living room. Jared looks to the unconscious body on the couch.
"I...what's wrong with Jensen?" Jared asks.
"Leave! If you're too stupid to not realize how much you've hurt Jensen then you must leave my house....now" Misha argues. Jared flinches.
"Mish...please" Jared pleads.
"Jared...if you don't leave...I will do something that I'll regret" Misha threatens. Jared sighs and walks out of the room, leaving the house a minute later. Misha sighs, sitting beside Jensen's head.
"If only Jared knew" Misha whispers before walking up to bed.
When Jensen awoke the next day he saw Misha sat on the chair beside him, looking extremely pissed off.
"God damnit Jared" Misha mutters.
"What's he say?" Jensen asks, causing Misha to jump.
"Oh y'know...asking about you...he still hasn't worked it out...want me to tell him for you?" Misha says, Maison toddles into the room, a cheesy grin on her face.
"Dada can we see the giant today...he makes me smile" Maison says, toddling past Jensen, unaware of his presence. Carefully, Jensen picks her up and sits her on top of him.
"How about that Mish...we could all go bowling...me, you, giant, Maison and West?" Jensen questions. Misha looks at him with that look, the one that says are you sane? Jensen nods. Misha pulls his phone out again and messages Jared. His phone bleeps a minute later, informing him Jared has replied.
"He will go, I'm picking him up in an hour" Misha says.
"Mais...tell West we're going bowling" Misha says. Excitedly, Maison jumps off of Jensen and runs into the kitchen.
"Hey uhm Misha....can I borrow some clothes please" Jensen asks. Misha nods.
"I'll get you a top and pants and stuff" Misha says before walking out. Misha walks back in a minute later with some clothes and deodorant.
"Bathroom's free" Misha says, passing Jensen the clothes.
"Misha" Jensen says.
"Hm?" Misha replies, checking his phone
"Thanks" Jensen says, gratefully.
"No problem Jensen...you might wanna see this" Misha says, handing Jensen his phone.
The phone falls from Jensen's hand as he finishes reading the message.
"Woah" Misha says. Jensen flops onto the sofa with the new-found knowledge. Misha sits beside Jensen as tears fall from Jensen's eyes.
"Dammit...what am I gonna do Mish?" Jensen asks.
"Well....we're gonna act, it's what we're paid to do" Misha says. Jensen is speechless...
Jared loves him back...
When they are all ready, they all pile into Misha's truck, Jensen in the passenger seat. They pull up at Jared and Jensen's shared house. Misha looks over to Jensen and sees him putting his earphones in...it's gonna be a long day. Jared climbs into the truck a minute later, grabbing the available seat in between West and Maison, who are arguing over what cd Misha should play. Misha shrugs them off and places a cd into the cd player, step one of his plan is complete. Misha pulls Jensen's earphones out as he drives.
"Thanks Misha...embarrass me more why don't you?" Jensen groans as he hears himself on the car radio. Jensen changes the radio to Stone Sour and relaxes in his seat, despite the fact he can feel Jared's eyes on him. Quietly, Jensen begins singing along to the song, Do Me A Favour. Misha rubs a hand over Jensen's thigh, showing support. They pull up at the bowling alley a few minutes later. Jared races the younger children in, laughing and giggling with them.
"Mish...I can't do this" Jensen says as he walks in to the bowling alley with Misha.
"Trust me Jensen, I have a plan" Misha says, wrapping an arm around Jensen
The boys and Maison spend the day at the bowling alley, Misha and Jensen getting drunk and failing completely at their bowling. Misha stumbles over to the toilet for the fourth time in the past hour; Jensen follows him, also stumbling, while Jared looks on with a mixture of anger and jealousy in his eyes...
In the toilets, Jensen waits outside, waiting for Misha to finish. As soon as Misha walks out, Jensen has sobered up slightly; Jensen pushes him up against the wall close by.
"Jen...." Misha trails off, voice full of unspoken questions. Jensen hesitantly presses his lips to Misha's. The kiss becomes passionate, alcohol causing the actions.
"Misha! You are such a crap father!" Jared shouts, splitting Jensen and Misha apart.
“Ha, says the man who hasn't seen his two sons since hm, when was it you saw them Jared? Oh that's right, you haven't ever seen them. I fucking hate you Jared, you don't deserve Jensen's love" Misha slurs. Jensen stumbles past Jared and leaves the bowling alley with tears in his eyes. He can hear both Jared and Misha calling his name but he doesn't care. Jensen pulls his phone out of his pocket as he hears his phone ringing. 'Jared' the screen flashes. Jensen slides his phone back into his pocket and gets his earphones out of his other pocket. He slides the earphones through his top and puts one end into his phone, which is no longer ringing. He unlocks his phone and goes to playlists, selecting the playlist named 'pissed' and presses shuffle. As he puts the earphones in, he hears 'Moving On' by Asking Alexandria.
"Maybe I should move on from Jared and Misha...I could just run away and live on my own" Jensen mutters to himself. A car pulls up beside him; Jared is the only one in it. Jensen ignores the car and walks into a shop. He buys a packet of cigarettes and a lighter before walking back out and seeing Jared leant against the front of Misha's car. Jensen turns up his music before lighting a cigarette, something he hasn't done for 7 years. The next song that comes on almost makes Jensen cry, Hold On Til May by Pierce The Veil and Lindsey Stamey. When Jared had found out Jensen had self-harmed in December, Jared had sung this to him. It's May now and nothing has changed, except Jensen's life has gotten worse. Jensen continues walking, even after feeling Jared tapping his shoulder. Jensen turns a corner and walks into his house, knowing Jared is right behind him. Jensen puts the cigarette butt in the bin before walking upstairs. Jensen lies on his bed in peace for about 10 seconds before the door opens. Jared stood there, bruises covering his face and blood on his t-shirt. Jensen rolls over and turns his music up to full volume. He feels the bed dip and sees Jared has laid beside him. Jensen curls into a ball, feeling tears falling down his face. Jared rolls over and wraps an arm around Jensen, taking Jensen's earphones out as he does
Jensen pushes Jared away from him and walks away. He walks out of the house, with no idea of where to go. He can't go see Misha, Jim is ill, Eric’s away on business. He could always go see Mark. That's a good idea. He turns a street corner and walks the small distance towards his co-star’s house. Mark's wife, Sarah, unlocks the door, with Max by her side.
"Mark?" Jess shouts.
"Thanks" He says, wincing slightly as the bandage on his hand falls off.
"Hey Jen, what's up? Also, why is Jared running down the street?" Mark asks.
"Shit" Jensen says before jumping into the house.
"I've fucked up big. If Jared comes here, tell him you're too busy to talk to him and that I'm not here" He says before running towards the back of the house.
A minute later, Jensen can hear Jared's voice.
"Have you seen Jensen?" Jared says.
"Nope. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm learning my lines with Sarah and Max" Mark says.
"Oh, okay. If you see Jensen, can you tell him I really need to talk to him and that I'm sorry" Jared says before a slam of the door. Mark walks into the kitchen a minute later.
"Jensen, we really need to talk" Mark says. Jensen nods and follows Mark, who walks into the garden.
"Jensen, I know you love Jared. But I think that maybe you should start a relationship with someone else, just to see if it helps you get over Jared" Mark says, sympathetically. Jensen nods before showing Mark the screenshot that Misha had sent him.
"Well shit, maybe I was wrong" Mark says.
"Well that's the thing, I kinda screwed it up. I kissed Misha and well, shit went down” Jensen mutters, vaguely.
"Beer?" Mark offers, handing him a beer.
"No thanks, that's what got me into this mess" Jensen refuses. Mark shrugs.
"Explain" Mark commands. Jensen shrugs before speaking.
"You remember me telling you that I'd told him I loved him. Well he was sober when I told him and he remembered. Anyway, last night before we went out, he told me he liked me too. But then when we was at the bar, he picked up some slut" Jensen explains, feeling a tear fall.
"Maybe you should talk to Misha first? Tell him the truth and that you were drunk when you guys kissed and stuff. I mean, you guys all need to sort this out. Especially you and Jay cos fuck, you guys live together for god's sakes" Mark says.
"Call Misha round later and explain it to him for me?" Jensen asks, though he already knows the answer.
"Jen...this is something you need to explain for yourself. I can't do it for you" Mark says, rubbing his hand over Jensen’s shoulder.
“Yeah...you're right. I'm not sure what I can do until then" Jensen sighs.
"How about, you go home, sleep for a while and think. Talk to him when you're ready" Mark says, smiling.
"Yeah thanks" Jensen responds.
"I think I'm gonna go home now, y'know, probably play guitar for a bit before going to sleep" Jensen says, walking towards the exit.
"Alright Jen, see you on set in a few days" Mark says, walking up the stairs. Jensen lets himself out of their house before walking back to his and Jared's house.
Jensen walks into the house, finding Jared holding his head while sat at the kitchen table, he’s sobbing into his hands. He sighs before opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water and some snacks. He closes the refrigerator and leaves the room, walking up into his bedroom, where he grabs his guitar and sits on the bed, playing a few chords.
"Jen...can we talk?" Jared asks, standing in the bedroom doorway.
"Jay...leave me alone...I need to think” Jensen whispers, playing the same chords again.
“Yeah sure...I understand" Jared says sadly.